


Let There Be Spaces in Your Togetherness

by ADCtrash, FindingSide



Series: All the Spaces from Here to There [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Claven, Commander Mechanic, Episode 307 happened, F/F, Open Relationships, Oral Sex, Princess Mechanic, Public Sex, Sex EVERYWHERE, Sex Toys, Smut, Some cutesy stuff, Strap-Ons, The 100 Canonverse, There are other characters that aren't mentioned above but make a brief appearance in there, bullets flew, lots of smut, mostly canon, no one died, some angst too, some changes, yes I did just say anal sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:50:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 66
Words: 220,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6486985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADCtrash/pseuds/ADCtrash, https://archiveofourown.org/users/FindingSide/pseuds/FindingSide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She never meant to fall in love, but love had other plans for her.</p><p>A Commander-Mechanic smut written through basically roleplaying on tumblr messages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

This is a canonverse AU.

Basically here's what happened:

In 307, Titus tried to kill Clarke, but missed and hit Lexa. Clarke ACTUALLY saved her from the bullet. Lexa accused Titus of being a traitor and had him executed.

Anya did not die. Ever. Once Titus was executed, Anya became Lexa's mentor in Polis and also became the new flamekeeper.

Arkadia broke down in the blockade and killed Pike and his extreme followers. Bellamy served time in jail but has been released. Marcus Kane has become the new chancellor of Arkadia and has accepted Lexa's official invitation to have Arkadia become the 13th clan.

A month after 307, Clarke ends her relationship with Lexa. It was a combination of stress and duty that drove them apart.

Quick Note: If you haven't read the tags, there is a lot of smut. Basically the title of this should be DANGER! THEY DO IT EVERYWHERE! But it's not, you have been warned.


	2. Chapter 2

The two of them together seemed like an awful combination. Both stubborn, headstrong…neither one would give up in an argument.

Until Raven grabs Lexa by the collar and pulls her in and smashes their faces together.

Backed up against the wall.

Only separating their mouths to pull their shirts over their heads...if they haven't just ripped them off altogether.

Lexa growling because she isn’t in control.

But Raven palms her center through her pants and Lexa is reduced to a whimpering mess.

Pants yanked down, barely pulling them off before Lexa grinds down on said palm.

And Raven fucks her against the wall, whispering dirty things in her ear.

Dirty, dirty things like “You like it when I fuck you like this?” and “What would everyone say if they heard you begging me to fuck you harder?”

Lexa is moaning and whimpering and her legs can barely hold her up, but thankfully Raven's free arm is snaked around her waist.

Lexa doesn't just leave things like that though. She flips their position and drops to her knees.

She yanks Raven's pants down hard before her tongue goes to work.

Poor Raven’s clit, it never stood a chance of surviving the assault Lexa's tongue waged on it.

And after the first orgasm subsides, Lexa pushes onto the bed and proceeds to round 2.

Oh her favorite round and Raven’s, too. Those long fingers finding their way into that silken dripping center just thrusting in and out, working raven over like it’s a race.

Only two for now though. Lexa knows exactly how and when to curl them, hitting that glorious spot.

Any coherent thoughts raven had are quickly fading away. The burn in her thighs and white knuckle grip on Lexa's hair is only half of it.

She thinks she's safe after round 2, but no. Round three means three fingers.

This is when she realizes how much she underestimated the stamina Lexa possessed. Honestly it was a little overwhelming but when that third finger pressed into her she knew her pussy was now owned and fuck if she didn't love it.

She held on for so long but once Lexa's mouth moved back down and sucked her clit in she was seeing stars.

After the fact she felt a little foolish for holding onto her head with a death grip for fear that it might explode.

Lexa loved it though. She wouldn't admit it, but getting her hair pulled only made her wetter.

After about a minute of convincing herself that she hadn't died and gone to orgasm heaven, Raven pushed Lexa onto her back so she could straddle her.

Lexa completely gives in at this point because if the pressure between her hips doesn't subside soon she might actually die.

Oh that slow grind raven is doing has Lexa wanting to flip them back over so she can just get herself off. Her clit is pulsing so hard she starts to growl about doing it her damn self if Raven can't figure it out.

She does reach down, but Raven grabs both wrists and pins them above her head, then leans down for a soft, gentle kiss that drives Lexa mad.

Raven keeps the kisses slow but with purpose behind them. She shifts so she has one leg between Lexa's thighs, the grinding steadily picking up pace and pressure.

It takes Lexa a second to realize, but then _fuck_ it feels so good. She's moaning into each kiss, Raven panting every time they break.

Raven releases one hand so she can slip it between them, passing over Lexa's straining bud, Raven continues down to slip two fingers effortlessly into her aching core.

Lexa's so caught up in the feelings her now free hand doesn't even move. She lays, eyes closed, lips slightly parted, breathy moans making their way out as Raven slowly teases her from inside, reveling in how slick and wet she could make the Mighty Commander.

As much as Lexa knew she was nearing her orgasm she was just as surprised when Raven hit that spot and then Lexa was tumbling over the edge is a blur of restrained screams and juices rushing out to coat them both.

Raven practically had her own orgasm just from watching Lexa. She could feel herself clench around nothing but air, just waiting to be touched again as Lexa writhed under her.

Raven kissed her way down Lexa's body stopping to take both nipples between her lips, tongue swirling and teasing, stopping just short of sending Lexa over the edge again.

Lexa couldn't take anymore. She couldn't see straight and every touch made her skin burn as if she was set on fire.

Raven stopped her descent until she was leveled with a dripping and soaking center. The scent alone was enough to spark an addiction.

But the taste...the taste was heavenly. No food on earth could ever compare to the taste between Lexa's legs. She lapped up every bit she could while Lexa muttered out curses and other nonsensical words.

Lexa shifted until both of her legs rested high up over Raven's shoulders. Normally it wasn't ever a position she would allow but the deeper that magical tongue pressed into her the more she allowed Raven to do whatever she wanted.

Raven noticed the change in position, even being so deeply involved. Her hands wrapped around Lexa's thighs, holding her tight against her shoulders as she dipped her tongue inside Lexa's core and slowly retracted it over and over again.

“Just like that.” Raven barely heard the words but once she did she knew she was going to make this orgasm memorable. She pushed in and drug her tongue back out and around until she felt the clenching begin.

Just at the last moment, she flicked her tongue up and hit that spot. Lexa felt like her inside were imploding and she _loved_ it. Her legs wrapped around the back of Raven's head and pulled her in as close as she could.

Raven guides Lexa through her orgasm as best she could before prying her way free of the iron grip Lexa had her head in. crawling back up raven lays her full weight on top of Lexa, arms bracketing her head and just smiles that easy smile that Lexa couldn’t resist.

Lexa's fingers trace along Raven's ribcage and back, gently soothing the heated skin. They lay together in peaceful bliss, stealing soft kisses.

 

Before Octavia accidentally walks into the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Ravens eyes grow twice their normal size when she hears the door squeak open. Lexa hugged raven to her body in an effort to shield her nakedness. Of all the people that could have walked in this was not the most ideal.

Octavia couldn't believe what she saw. Papers and maps were strewn across the room while her friend was laying naked on top of an equally-naked Commander. She caught herself staring before turning around quickly, averting her gaze.

Lexa and Raven both moved from the bed to go in search of the clothing that was strewn around in every corner. Raven feeling a little unsure of how to act towards both Lexa and Octavia.

Octavia mutters something about why she came in in the first place, but Lexa stops her.

Raven pulls her shirt on and swallows thickly, her mind still recovering from the multiple orgasms. Lexa adjusts herself then moved into Octavia's space.

Octavia feels the presence behind her and turns, encountering a full nude Lexa standing behind her. She had already seen more of the Commander than she wanted to today, but she did not need the close-up version.

Raven can't help the jolt of jealousy that passes through her. Despite the aggressive bickering she does with the Commander, she really does have feelings for her. Octavia getting an eye full is not okay with her. At all.

Raven walks up behind Lexa, wearing only the t-shirt still, and wrapped an arm around her waist, resting her chin on Lexa's shoulder. She could see the sweat forming on Octavia's forehead.

Lexa leaned back into Raven with a soft exhale. Her eyes told a different story however. The questioning gaze boring into Octavia.

Octavia couldn't pull herself away from the two. She watched Lexa's fixed gaze upon her and then glanced at Raven behind her.

“Is there something you needed Octavia?” Octavia blinked herself back to whatever this new reality was after hearing her name. The nakedness along with the post coital glow from Lexa had her head feeling foggy.

"Uh...I can't remember...Indra sent me..." her tongue felt heavy and dry in her mouth. Words were gone from her head, as well as the breath from her lungs.

"Well if you don't mind giving us a few minutes then?" Lexa spun in Raven's arms. The look in her eyes again causing Raven to feel that this was more for Lexa than just a midday hookup.

Octavia was still rooted to the spot. It couldn't be. Raven with....Lexa? She slowly backed out of the room, keeping her eyes glued to the two women.

Lexa leaned in to press her lips to Raven's. The gesture was soft and gentle and not without a hint of emotional connection. "So..." Raven breathed against her lips.

"So." Lexa responded, almost a whisper against her. The smirk that popped up on her face drove itself straight to Raven's core as she felt the wetness begin to form between her legs again.

After Finn and his betrayal, Raven couldn't help the want to keep this in a sexual level. The way Lexa was looking at her had her mind spinning. And the slow throb wasn't helping matters either. Octavia was quickly becoming an afterthought.  
Subconsciously, Raven pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, which Lexa quickly noticed. It drove her _mad_. She gently led Raven back over to the bed.

"This isn't just-" Lexa cut herself off, the words feeling too heavy. There would be time for that later but right now Lexa needed Raven to feel her intentions.

Raven nodded, pushing aside the thoughts of Finn and settling back down on the bed, Lexa carefully climbing on top of her, one arm bracing herself above Raven.

"If it is..." Raven settled back into the bed, one hand falling to the small of Lexa's back, the other cupping her cheek. "You're going to have to wait until tomorrow to let me down easy."

The kiss that Raven received was the only answer she needed.

Lexa's free hand made its way to Raven's stomach, pressing the palm against the flat skin and letting her fingers splay out along it, gently tracing every curve around her hand.

Raven felt like her body was being set in fire. Not like the way it had been earlier but more of a gentle stoking of flames. In a way that felt as if Lexa was showing her it was okay to relax her mind.

And she did let her mind relax, throwing away all thoughts that weren't Lexa and didn't concern their current situation. All she focused on were the green eyes closed above her and the soft, gentle lips pressed against her own.

Lexa trailed her lips down the expanse of darker skin, nipping and biting until she reached a spot that made Raven groan. That was the spot she marked dark enough so everyone would know the Commander does not share. Little grunts rumbling from the back of her throat. Lexa had to stop herself from wanting to cover the girl’s entire neck.

Raven knew that Octavia's inopportune visit had caused Lexa to go a bit over the edge, but she wasn't one to argue with this. It felt so good to feel her teeth sink into the skin, knowing there was no way she could cover that mark.

Lexa moved the hand resting on Raven's lower abdomen down until her palm was hovering over a very heated center. The sex they had had felt like it was hint of what they could do to _and_ for each other. Raven was ready to be taken to that place as much as Lexa was ready to take her there. "Show me." was the last coherent thought Raven would have until much later.

Lexa nodded against the skin of her neck and slowly slid her fingers through the wet folds, running over the swollen nub before slipping two fingers inside her again.

The slow pace continued as Lexa pressed open mouth kisses down the length of Raven's body. Both hardened nipples getting the attention they deserve until they came dangerously close to being painfully overstimulated.

Lexa knew just when to stop and continue moving down Raven's abdomen, watching her chest rise and fall as one hand tangles into Lexa's hair. She continued the soft kisses along her stomach, occasionally nipping at the skin and immediately soothing it with her tongue.

Finally coming to rest between her legs, Lexa continued to kiss and suckle every inch of Raven's pelvis. Lexa had been with a few women previous to Raven but she would be lying if she said any other tasted as wonderful. The first swipe of her tongue had her moaning almost as loud as the girl beneath her.

She wanted to just sit back and enjoy the taste, but this wasn't about her right now. It was about Raven. She licked and sucked and nipped at every spot, paying attention to where Raven reacted the most. She focused mainly on Raven's clit, as her tongue there drove her wild.

Raven had a white knuckle grip on the furs, her mind dipping between that grey space and the want to just sin out all of her previously pent up emotions. The moment her insides began to quake they both knew. This was shared. Lexa was giving Raven what she needed and in return Raven accepted it.

The flood of this orgasm was much more than the previous ones had been. It coursed through her body, erasing every thought from her mind, leaving her with nothing but the rush of emotions.

Praising and moans and groans fell from Raven's lips. Her body was bowed so far off the bed she thought she had discovered a glitch in gravity for a second. Lexa eased her through her orgasm which led to a second as her body fell back to the bed.

Raven felt numb. Not a bad numb, but an _amazing_ numb. She loved the feeling. Her eyelids felt heavy as she felt Lexa's fingers gently continue, urging her towards a third orgasm.

"Lex..." Raven wasn't sure her voice was even coming out with sound. "Lex- please you have to sto-" The third orgasm hit her with such a jolt Lexa had to hold her hips down. The clenching of her stomach muscles and thighs was verging on painful.

Raven cried out, not caring who would hear them. This orgasm was fire in her core that exploded throughout her body before she collapsed on the bed, passing out from the pleasure running through her.


	4. Chapter 4

Raven blinked back into consciousness trying to place the person with the voice she was hearing and wondering why she was alone beneath the furs. Clarke...? And Octavia? This left her in a panic. Clarke, of all people would think this was about her.

She looked around carefully, groggy. Where were the voice coming from? The door? She couldn't tell. More importantly, where had Lexa gone?

Where were her clothes? Christ was that... Yes. It was Clarke's angry voice and Raven was naked and this was not going to be good. When the heavy drapery split open and Lexa stepped in fully clothed Raven held her breath. She waited to be told get dressed and leave but… It didn't come. Instead Lexa held out her clothes and pressed a kiss that held answers to questions they both had.

Raven slowly stood, dressing herself carefully. Her legs shook underneath her as she slid on her pants, listening to the hushed voices outside. She could make out Clarke and Lexa's voices discussing something quietly.

Raven had been through so damn much since crashing to the earth. So damn much that she flat out ignored and kept pushing on. Everyone was dealing with their own shit too but fuck! Raven just wanted to have five minutes to have something really amazing and be happy about it! Lexa's voice carried to her ears and the churning in the pit of her belly began to calm.

She stepped out into the larger room, seeing Lexa and Clarke on opposite sides of the table. Clarke had been talking, but stopped mid-sentence when she saw where Raven had emerged from.

"Please tell me this isn't what I think it is?" Raven looked from Clarke to Lexa hoping she wouldn't have to discuss this with Clarke.

"Clarke, we have other matters at hand right now that are much more important than this situation," Lexa replied calmly, not even looking back at Raven. She knew Raven wouldn't want to talk right now and frankly, she didn't expect to explain her actions to Clarke. She shouldn't have to. Clarke was the one that ended their relationship.

Raven fiddled with her brace until all the straps and buckles were locked into place, her eyes flitting up towards Lexa every few seconds. Still feeling a bit unsteady from the way Lexa had worked her body over, Raven stepped up to beside her. "Come to my workshop when you have some time?" Raven breathed softly into Lexa's ear.

Lexa watched as Raven left the room, winking back at her before exiting. When she turned back to the table, she could see Clarke fuming over the interactions.

"What brings you here Clarke?" Lexa slipped her Commander mask into place before focusing back a map she had placed back on the war table. "Has there been word from the scouts you took sent to the east?"

"No," she growled. That was the thing she always hated about Lexa. She pushed not only her feelings, but the feelings of other aside when it came to duty. Apparently, she had just pushed all her feelings out into the bedroom with Raven.

"You're upset." It was said more as a statement than a question. "Speak freely?"

Clarke just glared at her. Sure, she had broken off their relationship, but that didn't give Lexa the right to go off and sleep with one of her closest friend. This felt like another betrayal, one that cut even deeper than the mountain had.

" _Klark?_ " It was the first time Lexa had said the name and the second K didn't come out with a click. "My bed was offered to _you_. I offered myself to _you_. I can see the look in your eyes.

Again she didn't respond. She stood, clenching her fists, then turned and walked out of the room. She knew if she did respond, it would probably end with her holding a blade against Lexa's throat once again.

"Is this payback..?" Raven came clear off her chair at the gruff tone coming from doorway to her workshop. "Jesus Clarke! No. It's not." Raven shuffled a few things on her bench to try and hide the harness she had been working on for the past hour.

Clarke approached the bench, thankfully not noticing Raven's new project. "Then why? You fucking knew why I ended it with her, so now you go and fuck her too?" Raven could see her jaw clench after spitting out the last sentence.

"That's NOT what happened!" Raven pushed herself up to her feet with a loud growl. "You insisted I come here Clarke. I didn't just _go and fuck her_. It's…not like that okay?"

"Oh, it's not like that? Then what is it, huh? You two are something more serious than fuck buddies? What about Finn, Raven? Have you forgotten about Finn?"

The panic that Lexa was only in it for sex started to push its way into the back of Ravens mind. The gentle way Lexa kissed her was fading away and Clarke didn't even notice the slow backward steps Raven was taking until she nearly tumbled over a box of scrap tech.

Subconsciously, Clarke reached out and grabbed Raven's arm, making sure she didn't fall. Even the distraction of the box couldn't pull Raven's mind away from the distress seeping its way in.

Raven slapped Clarkes hand away after she steadied herself. "Don't". Moving back to her bench Raven leveled Clarke with a look of disdain. Her words sat like salt on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed them. She would not fight with Clarke over Lexa.

Clarke watched her, but then shook her head. There was no way she would let Raven win this. She stood, feet planted on the floor, and refused to move until Raven would give her an answer.

"You do not want to push me on this, Clarke." The low tone with which Raven spoke only seemed to keep Clarke rooted.

"I'm not. Just answer my question." Clarke didn't know how the two of them had gotten to this point. They were such good friends before everything had happened, and now it felt like they were standing on opposite sides of a war in which neither would surrender.

"Have I forgotten about _Finn_? Have I?" Raven slammed her fist down on the worktop twice causing everything to bounce and shift including the harness unbeknownst to her. "So it's okay for you to move on, Clarke? It's okay for you go ahead and fuck other people but I have to…what is it that you think I should be doing?"

"You should care about him! She's the one that sentenced him to death! I was blind at first, but now I see that all the grounders are the same. They'll only care about their kind, not us!" Clarke stopped when she saw the harness on the table. "What is that?"

 "You cannot be serious, Raven. I was on the Ark and saw the same porn you did...And you expect me to believe this started today?"

Raven wasn't even embarrassed. Pissed, yes. She grabbed the damn thing and shoved it under the bench. "I don't care what you believe. You ended things with her, Clarke. Remember that."

Clarke was fuming at this point. She stormed her way out of the workshop, slamming the door as hard as she could behind her. If it had been a traditional grounder-made door, it probably would have fell off its hinges, but the metal door stayed standing.

The last thing Clarke had expected was to find Lexa standing ramrod stiff on the other side of the door. The dark glare had Clarke gulping down her anger. "Blind to us? Is that what this is?"

Clarke couldn't speak. She didn't want to cause a scene in the middle of town, especially against Lexa. She stormed off, making sure to ram into Lexa's shoulder on the way by before leaving in who-knows-what direction.


	5. Chapter 5

When Lexa finally stepped into the room Raven was sat on a cushioned bench that ran along the side wall. Her head was leaned back, eyes closed and jaw clenched tight. Between the two workbenches and piles of crap and scrap Raven didn't see who had walked in but she had hoped Clarke wouldn't have come back so soon.

"Raven?" Lexa called out softly. She had heard most of the exchange and knew the girl was going to be less than calm.

Upon hearing Lexa's voice instead of Clarke's, Raven opened her eyes and looked towards the doorway. She relaxed slightly, but stayed planted on the bench.

All of insecurities rushed forward and fell from her mouth before she could stop them. "Am I you're fuckbuddy? Is that what this is to you? Are you taking pity on the fucking gimp? Because I need to know now. Right fucking now." Raven's jaw snapped shut with a loud click, her breathing becoming erratic while she waited for Lexa to say something...Anything.

Lexa moved forward to where she could hear Raven and stopped when she came into view. "I...don't know what you're saying. It's not part of our culture. If we open up to someone like I have opened to you...it is because we trust you. No one sees us that vulnerable, ever, unless we show it to them. I do not take pity on you Raven. You are stronger than most, and I trust you."

Raven's brain was still so scattered from the things Clarke said that she almost missed the last two sentences. Moving to stand, Raven took the three steps forward until she was standing in Lexa's personal space. "What about this morning? Did you feel that way this morning...before...this?" Raven gestured between them.

Lexa raised an eyebrow, looking at Raven's face. "This," she also motioned, "I wouldn't have allowed to happen if I didn't feel this way."

"And what about Clarke? I'm not a fool, Commander. I know you felt something for her." Raven knew it was risky to push Lexa but she hoped the way she said commander was enough for her to pick up on the sexual undertones.

"What about Clarke? She broke off our relationship. I did feel something for her, but I must respect her wishes. If she does not want to be together, so be it. I moved on from her."

Raven's eyes jumped from Lexa's lips to the opened door behind her. She couldn't say that she completely satisfied with what was said but she knew time would help. Now though…she wanted Lexa's lips on hers and Lexa's hands on her body and it was not going to be interrupted this time. "Close and lock the door, Commander."

Lexa only glanced at her before turning on her heel and striding towards the door, closing it and hearing the click of the lock before rejoining Raven.

The harness was pulled out from under the bench and placed on beside them. Raven's eyes followed Lexa's reaction, a hint of pleasure playing on the edge of her smile. "Have you ever seen one of these? Or used one?"

"No...What is that Raven?" She asked, watching carefully. She knew Raven had something planned, but couldn't fathom what it was.

Raven took a deep breath as she turned to pick through a few boxes on the shelf in the corner. Finding the right box, she opened it up and pulled out what looked to be just a cylindrical tube from a distance until it was brought closer and placed next to the harness. It was originally just for her own personal alone time usage but things clearly have changed.

Lexa looked at her, slightly confused. She had no idea what was going on or what raven had planned.

Raven fiddled with both pieces until the dildo was securely fastened to the harness. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Raven chewed until she regained her confidence. It was already seen so there was not going back now. "One of two things is going to happen. Either you are going to slip this on, making it sitting tight against your pelvis so you can fuck me however you want to…or I'm going to put it on and fuck you."

Lexa's eyes grew wide. What was this contraption? "Is this a Skaikru sort of thing?" She watched Raven's nervous face as she assembled the object, now standing before her and waiting.

"Probably not _just_ a Skaikru thing but I'm hoping to make it an _us_ thing." She held out the harness and dildo to Lexa and waited for her to take it.

Lexa grasped the item and examined every inch of it. It was a strange concept to her, but Raven seemed confident about it.

"You've only ever been with women?" Raven watched as Lexa was displaying a rare moment of uncertainty.

"Yes...I have never given myself to any of them...Is this what it looks like?" She asked, holding it up.

Raven just could not help the laugh that bubbled from her lips. "Well...if they are lucky. Let’s just say that's a more pleasurable size." She stepped forward until their hips were touching.

"So they're smaller than this?" Lexa was still confused. She knew men had something in the place she didn't, but this? It seemed weird to her.

"Yes. Most are smaller. Shorter and not…as, uh…thick. So yes, smaller." Raven started to feel nervous after seeing the actual size and having to explain size comparison. Would Lexa start to think she just fucked everyone? This was quickly becoming a not very good idea in a hurry. Raven backed out of Lexa's space and went to grab for the harness.

Lexa held fast to the harness, looking it over. "Alright...if you'd like to try this we can.”

"We don't have to. It was just an idea but you don't have to do this."

"I'd like to try it," she said, smiling up at Raven. The girl was nervous, but Lexa knew she'd calm down soon enough.

"Okay, alright. So we are going to…which one of us is..?" Raven had to take a deep breath before she passed the hell out and what the hell for? Five minutes ago she was almost rubbing herself On Lexa while talking about fucking each other. What was it about the Commander that made her so scattered?!

"What would you like to do?" Lexa asked, calm as ever. On the inside she could feel the heat starting in her core.

Raven pulled her own shirt over her head then leaned down to start unbuckling her knee brace. "I would like you uh…you to show me what you can do while wearing that." She looked up thru her lashes to see if this was an acceptable request while pulling the brace off and setting it off to the side. Standing back up she popped the button of her pants, hooked her thumbs in the waistband and shoved them down until they fell to the floor where she kicked them off with her boots.

"Alright. Shall I also undress?" She asked, watching Raven pull of clothing.

"If you don't get undressed you're not touching me. In fact if you don't get undressed and then finish undressing me you're not getting any."

"So I should?" Lexa asked as she dropped the harness. She reached down and grabbed the hem of her shirt.

Standing in only her bra and boy shorts Raven let out a strangled huff before reaching out and grabbing the edges of Lexa's shirt. That was pulled up and discarded with a grunt. Next her fingers moved to the buckles and buttons of Lexa's pants, her patience already wearing thin she growled until the pants were being shoved down her thighs.

Lexa grabbed both if Raven's wrists and nodded, stepping out of the pants. She then unwrapped the cloth from around her chest and pulls down her shorts before stepping up to Raven and sliding the straps off her shoulders.

"I'm going to need you to..." Raven reached behind her own back to undo the clip. "I'm not going to be able to stand much longer unassisted. You kinda wore my body out before. BUT that doesn't mean I don't want you to do it again. Because I do. Want it. Again. And probably again. After that."

"Would you rather lay down on one of the benches? Or shall I support you against the wall?" Lexa asked before dipping her mouth down to Raven's neck, nipping at the mark from earlier in the day.

Moving her head to the side giving Lexa more room, Raven thought she was on the verge of screaming with all these polite questions and hesitant actions. "Seriously Lex? You practically ripped my clothes off and slammed your fingers inside me earlier and yet now when I'm asking you to fuck me you want to keep asking questions and going slow?"

"Would you rather have me be that rough? The entire town will hear you scream my name if so. If you want everyone to know how much I own you..." Lexa smirked, a gleam of determination in her eye. She looked straight at Raven as she reached down and yanked her shorts down to her ankles in one quick motion.

"You think you own me?" The thought, while a little presumptuous, did make Raven swallow hard and she couldn't deny the rush of heat that raced through her body ending at her clit.

"I think we learned today when you couldn't stay conscious. I own every piece of you. Admit it." Lexa growled, grabbing the harness and slipping it on, securing the belts of it.

Raven's eyes instantly went wide and darkened with lust. This was exactly what she wanted. The buzzing that raced throughout her body just from hearing her growl was almost enough to make her cum but the sight of Lexa wearing the harness? And the dick standing out from between her legs? There was no way this could get any better. "I admit nothing."

Lexa walked towards her, backing her into the wall. She grabbed both wrists and pinned them above Raven's head before bringing her face close to hers. "Then I'll have to force you to admit it," she growled again before attacking Raven's mouth.

Try as she might, Raven couldn't hold back the whimpers letting Lexa know her actions were building her up and she'd barely even been touched yet. She bit harshly at Lexa's bottom lip trying to gauge how far she could push her.

Lexa growled and thrusted her hips forward, the dildo rubbing against Raven's pussy harshly as Lexa pinned the rest of her body again the wall "Admit it and I'll give you what you want."

"Make me admit it Commander." Raven leveled a challenging look at her. "I know you want this just as much-" Raven ground down making the dildo pull through her folds and glide over her clit, "-just as much as me."

Lexa pulled back, glaring at Raven. She knew how turned on Lexa got when referred to by her title in this setting, but she wouldn't let her win this one. She carefully repositioned her hands so that her long fingers wrapped around both of Raven's wrists and slid the other hand down between Raven's legs, lightly running over the folds. "Do you remember that time we had a meeting and Clarke was quite late?"

Breathing heavily, Raven ground down trying to gain some sort of relief. The throbbing was becoming so insistent she was almost willing to say whatever Lexa wanted. She wanted this so bad and now Lexa was bringing up Clarke and it only made me lean forward to kiss the words away.

Lexa backed away, smirking. She ran her finger over the folds again. "Do you know why she was so late but I was there on time?"

"Let me guess!" Raven ground out. "She didn't fucking admit it! Stop fucking around damn it!" Her brain was so sex addled she couldn't even understand why the words wouldn't come out of her mouth.

"Yes, she didn't. So I teased her until she couldn't see straight let alone walk. And I left her without an orgasm. She could not sit still at that meeting. You don't want the same fate do you?" Again, another run of the finger between Raven's folds helped emphasize her point.

"Fine" Raven huffed out. "I admit it okay? You win." She closed her eyes letting her head drop back against the wall with a soft thud. "Can you stop teasing me now..?"

"If you say the words I want to hear I'll stop. What do you admit?" Lexa leaned in and placed an open-mouth kiss right on Raven's windpipe, nuzzling her nose against the girl's neck.

"You-" She had to gulp in a breath, her eyes squeezed shut as the rest of the words spilled out. "-own me. Okay? Happy now?"

"Mm, a little bit." Lexa responded, pressing a bit harder with the next pass of her finger.

Raven's eyes flew open. 'A little bit' she thought? Raven didn't do this, she didn’t just give herself like this to just anyone. She tugged a few times at the grip on her wrists. "What more?" She glared at Lexa.

"Say it louder and clearer." The tone in her voice had gone from teasing to commanding. Lexa was slowly starting to fade away and Heda took her place.

"I'm already giving myself to you to do as you wish with. Yet you still need to hear it." Raven felt the air in the room change. Lexa's persona shifted enough to make it clear that the Commander was not asking. Raven's arousal was all but spilling down her thighs. This was apparently what she needed. "You Commander. You own me."

Lexa growled in agreement before releasing Raven's wrists and picking her up by the backs of her thighs before sliding the dildo into her. She forced Raven to wrap her thighs around her waist before beginning to move her hips, finding a rhythm.

"Fuck!" Raven panted against Lexa's lips while trying to breathe through the pleasure/pain of being stretched so much so quickly. "I knew you'd be good at- Jesus Christ!- at this but this-" Raven had to release a slow breath so she could hold off the beginnings of an orgasm. It was way too quick and she wanted this to last.

"Too fast for you?" Lexa asked, smirking and leaning into Raven's neck. "Too bad. By the time I'm through...you can only imagine what condition you'll be in."

Raven hand one hand buried in Lexa's hair holding her head in place and the other gripping crescent shaped bloody marks into her back. Every time Lexa slammed into her she pushed against her clit. The burn that started in the pit of her belly was pulling her closer and closer to climax.

Lexa nipped at the skin, leaving more marks than before. Raven admitted that she owned her and Lexa was going to make sure everyone knew that.

"Are you mine?" Raven drug her lips along the shell of Lexa's ear. "I'm yours, but…are you mine in return?" Raven was holding off her orgasm as best she could, needing to know.

"Of course. All of me is yours" Lexa whispered against her skin. "Now, cum for me Raven."

Raven felt like a dam broke from the pressure she had been holding back once she finally let it go. Coherency was all but gone except for a few whimperings of "fuck" and "commander" and "I feel like I may pass out again". The way Lexa kept pushing into her had Raven near screaming.

Lexa slowed enough in her thrusts to let Raven come down off the high, but when she walked over and placed the girl on the table, she smirked. "Ready for round 2?"

"Only if you tell me your mine again." Raven ran her fingers up and down the length of her sides. At that moment in her first post orgasmic bliss of this round, Raven was positive she would never grow tired of the skin on skin feeling between them.

"I am all yours, _Raven kom Skaikru_ " she whispered breathlessly against her lips before leaning in for a gently, needy kiss.

Opening her mouth to deepen the kiss, she felt herself melt into Lexa until a series of loud bangs came from the just outside the smallish workspace. And then the voice that followed made her huff and grunt. "I cannot deal with her again tonight!"

Lexa pulled away and listened. Who was disturbing her this time? The banging continued and the voice got louder.

Raven slipped her arms around Lexa and pulled her in as tight as she could. Her lips came to rest on the soft spot of her neck just below Lexa's ear. "It's Clarke." she breathed out. "After what you just did to me…I can't fucking deal with her."

“She'll go away eventually," Lexa breathed, skimming her fingers along Raven's back. Clarke would have to wait.

A shiver ran up and down her spine. "I can't imagine she'd like anything about what's happening in here." Raven rolled her hips and nips at Lexa's neck.

"Then maybe we can use that to our advantage," Lexa smirked and pushed Raven so she was on her back on the table before sliding the dildo back inside her again.

"You don't run out of energy…" Raven wrapped her legs around the girl’s waist tightly, crossing her legs at the ankle. "Do you?" The stretch again causing a slight amount of pain but the pleasure far outweighed it.

"I have spent years increasing my stamina, both for fighting and other purposes," she stated as she began a slower rhythm this time, the banging on the door only increasing behind them.

The slower pace had Raven panting and burning from the inside out. The banging and muffled yelling only seemed to increase the renewed ache of her clit. "Jesus Lex...I knew you'd be good at this-" Raven whimpered and groaned as the top of the dildo hit a sensitive spot against her front wall. "But along with blowing- fuck!- blowing things up this is my new favorite thing to do..."

"Then we shall have to plan to do this much more often," Lexa smirked and brought one hand down, rubbing slow circles with her thumb on Raven's clit while she bent over and caressed her breasts with her tongue and mouth.

Raven wasn't exactly sure what happened next. She heard the sound of a high pitched scream but whether it came from her own mouth or beyond the door she couldn't tell. What she did know for sure was the second orgasm crashed into her like one of the bombs she was known far. All she could do was hold on with one hand on the edge of the table and one hand clutching at Lexa’s back.

Lexa continued the thrusting, helping the coax Raven through her orgasm, chuckling against her skin. "If you didn't scare Clarke away before you definitely did now."

Relaxing enough to settle herself back down on the table, Raven couldn't help the light chuckle that fell from her mouth. "Why do I get the feeling the Commander side of you would get off on her watching?"

"Clarke? Watching? Why would she watch?" Another foreign concept to Lexa. Apparently Skaikru went about their sexual experiences much differently than the grounders did.

"Oh no...It’s not like _that_ , more like-" Raven stifled a groan as an aftershock buzzed through her lower half. "Some people get excited by having an audience. And you didn't seem to mind Octavia seeing you and _us_ naked earlier."

"Octavia seemed intimidated by our nudeness. Is that common among your people?" Lexa tilted her head to the side, her hand tracing patterns along Raven's stomach.

Raven nudged Lexa's hips trying to get her to pull all the way out. "I think she was more shocked at your unabashedness. Less about me and more about you…being the Commander."

"True, though most of my hand maidens have seen me naked in some form or another and they do not react like she did," Lexa pulled out and helped Raven to sit up on the bench.

Raven didn't even try to hold back the burst of laughter that tumbled from her mouth. "Lex…We don't have hand maidens. Skaikru. We don't have those. So walking in on us isn't the same as someone choosing to watch."

"Oh," Lexa thought for a second. Clarke had always tried to explain things to her, but Skaikru was so very different from the other clans.

_Bang bang_

The door started to rattle from the outside again. She knew she'd have to face Clarke and it needed to be sooner than later. Putting off for a little bit more Raven pulled Lexa's face close enough so she could trail kisses from her ear and along her jawline until she was nibbling at her lips; A lazy smile spreading as she did.

Lexa gently closed her eyes, letting one hand rest on Raven's hip, enjoying the intimacy of the moment before stepping back and unclipping the harness "You should probably get dressed before speaking to Clarke."

Raven scrunched her face up as she slid down from the table, from the dull ache in her center and at the thought of that one time there was an almost moment between herself and Clarke after a particularly rough day a few months back. "Well it wouldn't be the first time but I doubt this would be a good time for that again. You, she isn't getting so see naked either. Now get dressed Commander."

Lexa finished pulling on what clothing she had with her before tossing the harness back on the bench. "Keep that...thing. We can use it again sometime." She waited until Raven was dressed to walk to the door and unlatch it

After pulling her shirt down and adjusting her pants, Raven pulled her hair back into her usually messy ponytail. She grabbed up the harness by the straps and stuffed it under her bench. She was not having that argument with Clarke again. "Wait." Raven pressed a hard open mouthed kiss on Lexa, backing her against the door.

Lexa's eyelids fluttered, a small whimper coming from her throat as her hands came up to up the mechanic's face. She stayed like that until more banging on the door interrupted them.


	6. Chapter 6

Raven turned the doorknob as she leaned back in to peck Lexa's lips; the _whoosh_ of the door swinging open catching her slightly off guard. The look of pure outrage in Clarke's eyes was a little bit more than unsettling as Raven did her best to at and her ground without her brace back on.

Lexa took a step back away from the two, not wanting to get caught in another fight with Clarke. She eyed the door, wondering if she could slip out before Clarke noticed her.

Lexa was halfway out the door before she heard it. The sound of a slap rang out, Clarke was clearly not handling this situation well. Raven stepped back trying to put the table between them. "Really Clarke?!"

She hurried back inside, looking at the two. Raven was holding the side of her face, but Lexa could see the red imprint of Clarke's hand already forming. Clarke herself looked _furious_ , hands clenched, muscles tight, and eyes full of fire.

Raven sat down in the bench behind her and began fastened her brace into place as quickly as she could. Standing once she was finished, Raven took one step towards Clarke. Brown eyes fixed on blue. "Earlier it was all about how all grounders are the same and how could I trust her…But somehow I'd like to take a guess and say that was complete bullshit." Raven was moving forward so slowly it came as a surprise when her nose was almost touching Clarke's.

Lexa watched carefully, noticing Clarke physically gulp but not back down. She stood even more rigid, not backing down from Raven's threats.

Taking measured breaths Raven was visibly upset. Her chest was rising and falling, nostrils flared. Without taking her eyes off of Clarke the girl spoke loud enough that her voice echoed around the room. "Lex? Did you mean what you said?"

Lexa froze. What did she mean? Was she talking about before? When Lexa admitted that she was hers? "Raven...explain please."

Taking a small step back so she was no longer in Clarke's personal space, Raven took a long slow breath in trying to calm her nerves. What if Lexa didn't really mean it? What if it was just said in the heat of the moment and she had read everything wrong. "About me." another long inhale followed by a jagged exhale, her eyes still locked in Clarke. "Are you mine?" Raven honestly felt like she would throw up if she didn't get the answer she needed.

"Of course," Lexa said softly, stepping up to Raven and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I am yours, just as you are mine."

"I'm sorry Clarke. You might not believe me but this is not about you." Raven softened her eyes as she leaned into Lexa's side.

Lexa watched as Clarke softened, not in relaxation but in defeat. She knew she had given up what they had, but it didn't hurt any less.

Clarke shifted her gaze to the taller brunette. After a moment of acceptance her eyes sparked up again. "You knew damn well how I feel- felt... _felt_ about you and why I needed time!" Her voice was steadily rising.

"Clarke." Lexa's voice was steady but soothing. She could see the spark start up again before the upcoming rant she knew the two of them would endure.

"Don't you dare 'Clarke' me!" her anger was picking back up quickly. "Don't worry Raven, she'll say all the right things…and fucking touch you in _all_ the right places and make you believe every fucking word she says and then she'll just break you because of her _duty to her people_!"

Lexa took a step back and tensed, defensive. How _dare_  she attack her like this. She had opened herself up to Clarke not only as a lover, but as a friend. Friends did not attack each other like this. Every word cut straight through her.

Raven felt Lexa stiffen at her side as the situation just kept getting worse. It was clear Clarke was not handling any of this well but the reaction was nothing like what she had expected. Shifting until she was squarely behind with Lexa, Raven rested her chin on space between her neck and shoulder.

Clarke looked like she was stuck between wanting spit at them both or continue with her verbal assault.

"Out." One word from Lexa's mouth seemed to cut the room in two. Even with the feel of Raven's skin against her own she stayed tensed, standing her ground.

"Excuse me?" Clarke blinked back her want to start screaming again. "I don't take orders from you anymore _Leksa_."

"Leave, _Ambassador_ , or I shall have guard forcibly remove you from the room." Lexa's voice stayed in the calm tone that could scare even the strongest warriors. She tilted her chin up slightly, holding Clarke's gaze. “And it’s _Heda_ to you. I earned that title.”

Raven snaked her arms around Lexa, her hands pushing up and under her shirt, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into her toned abdominals. The actions only seeming to kick Clarke's anger into a higher gear. Ignoring Lexa's words Clarke again spit her thoughts out before she could think. "Why don't you just take her out into the middle of the street market and _piss_ on her fucking leg Raven!"

Lexa stepped forward, away from Raven and right up against Clarke, looking her straight in the eye and growled, " _Out_."

Clarke's eyes bounced between Lexa's nearly blackened pair and lips. She knew she'd stepped way beyond acceptable behavior but she just could not control her emotions. Taking a small breath, the blonde pushed herself forward to connect their lips with such force that she moved Lexa back a few paces.

Raven had seen enough. She was going to have to beat the devil out of Clarke and she wasn't even sure she would feel bad afterwards. Grabbing up the closest piece of metal piping Raven slammed it down on her work bench. The clang was so loud it made her ears crackle. "I swear to the fucking moon _CLARKE_ if you don't get a fucking grip and fast I will beat the blonde off your head!"

 

Lexa backed up quickly, pulling away from Clarke and out of the way of Raven. What was happening? Had the three of them forgotten everything that they had built up and were about to tear each other apart? She quickly grabbed Raven's arm and pulled the girl back against her, trying to calm her down before someone threw the first punch.

Raven kept blinking hard trying to hold her tears back. She was _not_  going to let either of them see her cry. Clearing her throat a few times, Raven had to keep pausing as she spoke, voice cracking a few times. "She gave you up...and she said she moved on..." Raven pressed her face into Lexa's neck so her next few words came out muffled. "I didn't intend for fall for-" Raven clamped her mouth shut before smashing her face harder into the Commander’s neck.

"Shh," Lexa rubbed Raven's back in small, comforting circles before shooting another glare at Clarke. She embraced the girl, holding her close and letting her pour out her emotions.

This was insane. Raven could not believe that not more than 30 minutes prior Lexa had her moaning and whimpering on the same bench she just slammed a pole onto in a threatening manner. Yeah she knew Clarke was probably not expecting to find her best friend and ex together but this was getting out of hand. "I should have known better," was garbled into Lexa's neck.

Lexa watched as Clarke turned and left, a disgusted look on her face. Lexa pulled Raven off to the side, hearing the door slam shut before sitting up against the wall and pulling the girl down into her lap before beginning the circles again.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Raven pulled back enough so she could see Lexa's eyes. "She is an ambassador in your coalition and right now she is more pissed off than I've ever seen her. Pissed off Clarke Griffin never ends well."

"Clarke will realize no matter how angry she gets, she cannot win this one." Lexa's other hand reached up to cup Raven's cheek, wiping away the tears.

Raven gently pressed their lips together. The emotional toll was starting to weigh in her body and mind. Pulling back just enough so she could speak "Things with Clarke...and me…They have been so complicated in the past. With Finn…He picked her. He was my family but once they crashed down to earth he chose her. Strangely enough she actually chose me over him but in a different way. I don't know why I'm telling you this. But I do know she is as equally hurt as she is pissed and that doesn't make me feel like a winner here. "

Lexa listened to her words, watching her face carefully. "That is the unfortunate side of love...there are only a few winners, most people lose in some way."

"You do realize she is not afraid of you, right?" She shifted in Lexa's lap, grinding down a bit harder than intended.

"She has not seen me at my worst yet. She won't truly be afraid until then." Lexa bit her lip, stifling the moan that bubbled up in her chest.

"Your worst?" Raven leaned down, lips hovering over her ear. "Why does the sound of that make me incredibly turned on and throbbing?"

Lexa smirked. "Unfortunately, me at my worst would not be good for you. But riled up a bit? Maybe you'd have fun."

"Well," Raven dragged her teeth down the girl’s neck while her hands crept their way up her sides. "So far today you've shown me 'attentive' you and 'gentle' you and 'take charge' you."

"Mm," Lexa closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. "Do you have a sack you can carry the harness in?"

The girl was on her feet and removing travel supplies from the backpack she used to go between Arkadia and Polis. Reaching under the bench for the harness was pulled out then jammed into the bag faster than what might have been needed. "So…what did you have in mind?" Raven tried so hard to feign innocence it was almost laughable.

"I thought you could come spend the night in my room," Lexa stood from the wall and took Raven's hand, leading her out into the town and towards the tower.


	7. Chapter 7

Raven twined her fingers with Lexa's and let herself be pulled from her workshop in the heart of the Polis market. There were a few hardened eyes that caught sight of them holding hands but Raven could not bring herself to care who saw.

Lexa led them up to her room, pausing at the door and looking at the guards. "No one is to come up to this floor tonight. And I _mean_ no one."

Raven felt her stomach flip just hearing the way Lexa's voice changed when she was giving orders. There was just something about the shift from Lexa to Commander that made Raven want to throw herself at the grounder leader.

Lexa pulled Raven into the room, closing the door behind her before turning back to the girl, smiling. "Now we really can be all by ourselves."

Raven stepped in a bit further to the front part of the room, her eyes in mild disbelief at just how big this part alone was. A couch? _And_ chairs and benches and random tables with _things_ everywhere. "Pays to be the one in charge." fell from her mouth in a low tone.

"Luxury is a perk, but I don't actually spend a lot of time in here other than sleeping. There is much work to do during the daylight." Lexa began lighting candles around the room, the soft light casting shadows around.

"Well that's certainly a lot of candles." Moving deeper into the room the headboard of Lexa's bed catches Ravens eyes causing her to glance back and forth between it and Lexa. "What the hell is that? And…why is it so big?"

"Is it big? It's always been like that..." Lexa looked at her questioningly. Did the leaders of Skaikru not live like this? "You certainly have a lot of questions in you tonight."

The shorter girl could not help the grin forming on her lips even while she sucked in her bottom lip and began to bite at it. The headboard had so many little holes and knobs and was that some sort of material pulled through some openings? Whatever. She'd have to wait until later to really get a good look at it. "I didn't realize. I like build things with my hands so…"

"I know." Lexa walked over to where Raven stood. "A great woodcarver made this. Spent hours crafting it to be just right, so it would be like the woods."

Stepping further into Lexa's personal space, Raven wrapped her arms around the girl’s neck and looked up at her. "Well now that we are alone...what would you like to do Commander?"

"Well," she started, placing her hands on Raven's hips and grinding her own into them, "Clarke interrupted us in the workshop and you never got the chance to pay me back."

Raven pushed her hips forward and motioned for Lexa to move back until they reached the couch. Once there Raven pulled her own shirt then Lexa's off, then unstrapped her brace and carefully pulled it off. She popped the button of her own pants and shoved them down and off before stepping out of her boots.

Lexa slid her own pants down and off, watching Raven's movements with silent anticipation.

"Finish undressing us both." Raven barely had the words out before she connected their lips in a harsh kiss that was mostly teeth and grunts and bitten lips.

Lexa fumbled with the rest, her mouth not leaving Raven's once. She reached around and unclipped her bra before tugging it off and unwrapping her own.

"All of it" Raven growled out, mouth trailing from her lips to her neck to the shell of Lexa's ear. "If you want me to fuck you I'm pretty sure I'll need it all off."

Lexa couldn't believe how fast she moved, sliding down her shorts then Raven's, tossing them to the side before hungrily catching her lips again.

Raven changed their positions setting herself down on the couch, face even with Lexa's center. The scent was already causing the girl to squeeze her own thighs as the arousal stirred her own clit to life. "You're going to ride my face and I'm going to fuck you with my mouth and hands. Okay?" Lust darkened eyed stared up waiting for an answer.

Lexa could only nod, moving closer to Raven. Her pupils had been blown wide and her lips slightly parted as she herself got into position.

"I asked if that was Okay." Raven was pretty certain the amount of control she would have during the course of the night would be very short lived so while she had it she intended to assert herself as much as possible. She leaned forward blew into the glistening folds waiting for her cue.

Lexa's hips thrust forward at the cool wind, her head rolling back. "Yes..." she moaned out, feeling her own arousal start to drip down her leg.

The first swipe of her tongue through Lexa's folds was so heady and strong Raven thought she could drink for days and still want more. The second swipe had her tongue gliding from entrance to clit. She'd only been with one other girl and it never once tasted this amazing. Pulling one of Lexa's legs up onto the couch beside her, Raven pushed her tongue as far up as she could, her hands gripping tight to the girl’s ass.

Lexa's hands immediately went to Raven's hair, tangling themselves in the dark strands as she found herself grinding against the girl's face. She rolled her head back again, soft whimpers flowing out of her throat.

Moving her mouth up, Raven started moving her tongue in slow circles all around Lexa's clit. She timed it so the exact moment she sucked her clit into her mouth, Raven pushed two fingers knuckle deep inside of the commander. The pace started out fast and hard switching to slow with a slight curl against her front wall.

With each pass of Raven's tongue, another whimper or moan bubbled up, until Raven's fingers began to thrust into her. She threw her head back and moaned loud enough that the guards probably heard, but she didn't care. Each curl of her fingers sent another small wave of pleasure through her, building up in her abdomen.

Raven was so turned on by the way Lexa was grinding and riding her face and hands she was starting to feel her own juices drip out of herself. With a soft growl and a long moan she redoubled her efforts and spelled out commander over and over with the tip of her tongue. Two fingers became three fingers and the tight squeeze had her moaning even louder.

When the third finger was added, Lexa thought she would die of pure bliss. Her whimpers and moans of incoherent words slowly turned from English to Trigedasleng as her brain focused on the mouth beneath her and the tight knot inside her belly.

Switching her mouth and fingers, Raven again pushed her tongue as deep inside of Lexa as she could trying to reach the spot that made her come undone. Her fingers traced tight circles over the straining bundle of nerves.

The moment Raven's tongue curled, Lexa saw stars. More and more Trigedasleng poured from her mouth as she moaned and whimpered through every wave of pleasure, desperately grinding down on Raven's face to make it continue.

Raven slowed the pace of her fingers while helping Lexa ride out her orgasm. Switching her mouth and fingers again, she pushed three fingers slowly back into Lexa's core, pressing against that same spot. The tip of her tongue teasing the tip of Lexa's clit.

Lexa was already hunched over, breathing heavy. She felt the second round of pleasure start up as soon as the first subsided. Her brain couldn't process anything but the fingers buried in her core and the tongue on her clit.

"Who do you belong to Commander?" Raven pulled away just long enough to rasp out her words then returning her mouth to suck the girls clit back between her lips. Fingers increasing with speed and forward pressure.

" _Yun_ ," she breathed out. " _Ai laik yun_."

"Mine?" Raven swirled her tongue everywhere except on the girl’s clit. "I want to her you say it again." Raven sucked and nibbled her way along Lexa's folds.

“ _Ai laik yun_ , Raven. _Beja_." The lack of attention on her clit was driving her wild. All she could think about was the girl currently underneath her and how that magic tongue she possessed was nowhere where it needed to be.

"Mine" Raven growled. "Mine!" She growled again before fastening her lips around her squirming girl’s clit and sucking gently to contrast her fingers that were pounding up into Lexa's core.

Lexa cried out. Loud. It was a good thing her guards knew about her current relationships because they would've burst into the room to find Lexa practically suffocating Raven, back arched and head thrown back in pleasure as garbled words came flying out of her mouth in a puny attempt to regain hold of her body as she clenched around the fingers pounding into her.

Trying her best to hold Lexa up _and_ help her ride out orgasm, Raven had to twist them to let the girl lay down on the couch or she was going to blackout herself from being suffocated. She eased her mouth away and slowed her fingers until she could slip them out as well. "Mine." She repeated while licking up some up the juices that dribbled out when she removed her hand.

Lexa chest rose and fell rapidly as she came down off the high. Her eyelids were heavy again as she gasped for breaths, watching the girl pop out from her position between her legs.

Crawling her way up, Raven placed lazy wet kisses from Lexa's hips to the taught stomach muscles to a swirl her tongue around perfectly straining nipples, finally coming to a stop at her lips. "Are you-" kiss "okay?" another kiss.

"Mm," a small smile poked through on Lexa's lips, but she couldn't manage words currently. If she tried, it would most likely be completely in Trigedasleng. Her mind would convert back to English eventually, but not right now.

"Would you consider yourself-" Raven moved to a spot on the underside of Lexa's chin that she found to be sensitive, and sucked until she was satisfied with the marking, "-paid back for earlier?"

Lexa nodded as much as she could against Raven's lips. The blissful feeling was finally setting in once the high had made its way out "Yes, very."

"Do you know how amazing you feel when you're coming around my fingers?" Raven continued her assault on Lexa's neck, making marks and soothing them over with her tongue.

"If it's anywhere near how it feels when you clamp around mine, then yes." Lexa tilted her head to the side, allowing Raven the space needed to continue marking her neck.

Raven moved up until she was sitting astride Lexa. Grinning down at her, Raven grinds her hips hard. "You like that?" She grinds back and forth.

"Mm, very much so." Lexa's hands moved up to grab Raven's hips, fingertips and nails digging into skin, guiding the motions.

Stilling her hips, the ache starting to make itself known in the pit of her stomach, Raven needed Lexa's hands on her and she needed in badly. This time she was going to say whatever she had to to make it happen. "Lex-" forward grind "I need you-" backwards grind "to touch me."

A smirk popped up on Lexa's face. "I am touching you. My skin is in contact with your skin. I don't know what more you want unless you tell me."

Raven took a hold of Lexa's hands and placed them both over the breasts. "Why don't you start there, _Heda_."

If the color of Lexa's eyes could have gone any darker, they would have in that moment. She carefully sat up, moving Raven onto her lap, before bringing her mouth to one breast and teasing the nipple with her tongue. She took her hand and squeezed the other at the same time, her other free hand gripping onto the girl's ass.

"Finally," Raven breathed out. The sensation was so strong Raven almost jumped clear off Lexa's lap. There were a lot of things Raven liked to have done but dual attention to her nipples always drove her crazy not to mention the increased throbbing it caused in her center.

Lexa switched her mouth to the other breast as well, her hand coming up to massage the one her mouth just left. Her other hand snaked its way down Raven’s stomach and right above her folds, the nails scratching the skin.

"Wait" The girl wasn't even sure there was sound behind her effort to speak. "Wait…Can we maybe-Jesus your mouth- your bed is so much bigger…Fuck!" Raven felt a renewed thrumming throughout her entire body.

Lexa pulled off for only a second. "Yes, bed." She stood up, holding onto Raven by her thighs and carried her to the bed, laying her down on the furs before standing over her and calculating her next move.

"Are you not joining me?" This bed was easily the biggest thing Raven had ever seen. It was so big it had actually distracted her momentarily.

"Yes, I'm trying to decide what needs more attention. These nipples?" She leaned down and tweaked both of them. "Or this spot?" She ran a finger through her folds, flicking her clit with a short nail.

"Does it have to be an either or thing? Because I'm pretty sure I would really like both." she panted out. "Both really work for me.”

Lexa smirked and moved Raven back on the bed, letting her legs bend over the edge. She knelt on the ground next to it before sliding her tongue through the folds. Her hands traced up to her breasts before teasing the peaks again.

Raven dropped one hand to the furs beneath her body and the other arm bent up and over her face. Little whimpers spilled out between the few words she could still manage to say. "See…both are really- god your mouth is like magic- so fucking good!"

Lexa's tongue focused directly on her clit, copying what Raven had done before and spelled out words along it, her favorite being _ai hodnes._ Meanwhile her hands stayed busy kneading and rolling the flesh, flicking her nails over the nipples occasionally.

Lifting her arm away from her face and raising her head to watch Lexa might have been the best decision Raven has made in the last 5 minutes. It was not often that someone could claim they've had The Commander or the 13 clans' mouth between their legs, working them over to near incoherence.

Lexa's eyes met Raven's and she decided holding her gaze would make this release feel even better for her. She continued her tongue motions over and over, but now brought a hand down and slid two fingers easily inside her slick center.

The way Lexa was staring up at Raven was what pushed her over the edge. Just the way her eyes held her and became an extension of what her mouth was doing had Raven's eyes glued to the green and mostly blackened orbs. Again she found herself whimpering and gasping for breath as her release hit her.

Lexa's fingers slowed but helped Raven ride out the waves, her tongue slowing down it's movements before stopping altogether.

"I would have never-" The girl was just a panting gasping mess, "-thought it was possible to lose brain function but I’m sure I just did. It happened-happening…"

Lexa climbed up onto the bed, cuddling the poor girl against her chest. "It happened to me too, _ai hodnes_. I couldn't speak English, remember?"

"I can't feel the lower half of my bo-" Raven snapped her head back and to the side so she could peer at Lexa. "Did you just say…what did you just say?"

"Did I say what?" Lexa asked, looking down at the girl. Was she talking about her term of endearment? Was it too soon? Or did Raven not feel the same way?

Raven surged forward and started peppering Lexa's face and neck with kisses. "Say it" kiss "say it again?"

Lexa smiled, the nerves instantly dissipating. " _Ai hodnes_ ," she cooed, wrapping her arms around the girl. " _Ai hodnes_."


	8. Chapter 8

Raven stood from the chair and table that was still covered in more meats and vegetables and fruits than she'd ever seen in one place for only two people. Taking a few steps around the table, Raven moved behind Lexa nuzzling her face into the back of her neck. There was a distinct and strong scent to the girl that had caught Raven's attention long before the day's events. "So…what happens next?"

"Whatever you wish to do _, ai hodnes_.” Since she had referred to the girl before, Lexa had not stopped using the term. It was true, she felt that way.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to or tired of-" Raven nibbled her way down the expanse of skin between Lexa's neck and back up to her ear, "-hearing you say that." Releasing a heavier breath than intended, Raven tried to say it back but those words seemed to die in her tongue. "I…do so too…"

Lexa stood from her chair and turned, wrapping her arms around the girl's waist before pressing light kisses along her cheek and jaw and down her neck.

The shiver that shot down Raven's back was really all she needed. "I think you should take me back to that big empty bed of yours, Lex."

Lexa smiled. "Then follow me." She took the girl's hand and led her back towards the bed as the remnants of dinner were cleaned up and taken away, leaving the two girls alone in the room.

Raven barely had enough time to grab ahold of the bag containing the harness before she was being tugged along. "Just in case we should maybe need this again…" The look Raven gave Lexa said more than just _maybe_ and there was not much room for misunderstandings.

Lexa only smiled as she sat on the bed, glancing towards the bag in Raven's hand with silent anticipation.

After dropping the bags contents on the bed Raven nudged Lexa's legs open and moved to stand between them, her arms coming to rest around her neck. "The next move is all yours, Commander." Raven's voice had dropped so low it had almost sounded foreign to her own ears.

"Actually, I was thinking..." she started, biting her lip. She was nervous, but she trusted Raven enough for this to occur.

Swallowing hard enough to be heard, Raven hadn't expected such a switch of emotions. Sure she was still insanely turned on but the weight of what Lexa implied was no small thing. "Are you…sure?" Raven felt her cheeks heat up and rush that shot to her core was unlike anything she'd felt previously. "You don't have to…"

Lexa nodded, keeping her eyes locked onto Raven's. The nerves began to melt away as the heat from her already wet core began to radiate throughout the rest of her body.

Raven pulled her own shirt over her head tossing it away, fingers hooking into the boy shorts to push those down her legs kicking those off leaving her completely bare. "I am going to need you to use your words. I need to hear you say it."

"I want you..." Lexa started, but the words had trouble finding her way to her mouth. "I want you to use this,” she motioned to the harness.

If Raven's eyes were already blown wide open already she was sure this would have done it. "Say it again while you strap it into me." Raven moved back just enough to give them the room needed.

Lexa picked up the harness, holding it out and securing it to Raven's waist. "Raven, I want you to fuck me with this."

Raven bit down so hard on her lower lip the taste of copper began to slip down her throat. The words hit her so hard her hips jerked forward making her have to grip Lexa's shoulders to steady herself. This girl could not be for fucking real but Raven wasn't letting go of her for anything or anyone. "You will need to lose the rest of your clothing too." her voice came out gravely and rough.

Lexa stood, locking eyes with Raven as she stripped off each piece slowly and purposefully, tossing them to the side. Once finished, she stepped up to the girl, feeling the dildo rub against her folds as she slid her hands down Raven's shoulders.

Pushing gently on her hips, Raven guided Lexa back down onto the bed and up towards the top. Following her down, Raven laid off to the side and ran her fingers up into already soaking folds. Two then three fingers pushed in and out at a slow steady pace as she tried to stretch Lexa open as much as possible.

Lexa's eyelids fluttered at the feeling. She already felt full with three fingers inside her, what would the dildo feel like?

Once Raven felt like she had Lexa wet and stretched enough she shifted to she was between her legs but resting back on her heels. Her hand reached down to stroke the length of the dildo coating it in the juices she still had dripping from her fingers. Leaning forward she lined the tip up with Lexa's opening and pushed just enough to keep it in place. Keeping her hips as motionless as possible, Raven leaned forward until they were face to face. "Are you ready?" she gulped and breathed out.

Lexa looked up at Raven, worry apparent in her eyes. "Will it hurt?"

All Raven could do was nod her head. The thump thumping of her heart inside her ribcage was so strong it almost made her panic. The look Lexa was giving her was almost too much to take in. That on top of the fear of not being able to keep up because of her leg...No. She has to push through. First times are special and she was going to make sure Lexa's was. "Probably a little bit-" she pushed in slowly, "-at first."

Lexa swallowed, then looked up at her, nodding. She couldn't form words for what she was feeling. Nervous? Maybe a little. Excited? Yes. But on top of that, she felt safe, knowing Raven would take care of her.

Placing both hands on either side of Lexa's head, Raven pressed their foreheads together as she pushed until she was all the way inside and stilled giving the girl time to adjust. "Is this okay? Am I hurting you?"

With her eyes closed, Lexa nodded against her skin. The pain had been bearable, but uncomfortable. Now that the movement had stopped, she breathed slowly and steadily, nodding again. "I'm okay..."

Raven pulled out halfway and stilled again. "Open your eyes, Lex." lifting her head up, Raven waited until she could see Lexa's eyes. "The last couple weeks... Working so closely with you...I really thought I was going to lose my mind…" The confession seemed to just spill out before Raven even realized what she was saying.

Lexa leaned up, her lips meeting the girl's. She silenced her, knowing what she was trying to say, before pulling back and nodding.

A bubble of laughter rose up from Raven's chest as she pressed kisses to every inch of Lexa's face. Her own hips snapping forward to bury the dildo deep inside the girl beneath her. Again she pulled out slowly, a little further this time and snapped her hips forward harder yet. "Still okay?" she panted out, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.

Lexa couldn't respond. Her head was thrown back against the pillows, mouth opened in a perfect o. Each thrust came with both pleasure and pain, the feeling of her insides stretching to accommodate the girth. Nothing had felt like this before.

Holding herself up with one hand and the other hand between them running circles around Lexa's clit, Raven was working her hips as hard as she could. She knew she was bottoming out every second thrust from the way the back of the harness kept running against her own clit. "I want you to ask me to cum, _Commander_."

Lexa nodded, already a mess. The combination of that...thing inside her. And Raven's hand. And her _words…_ It was driving her crazy. Normally she would not take orders from anyone, not even in a situation like this, but she was so far gone that she would agree with anything Raven said, as long as the feelings continued.

Feeling her own insides racing towards releasing Raven pulled out until just the tip was barely inside of Lexa but enough to keep her stretched, and stilled her hips but not the hand tracing circles over her swollen clit. Raven dipped her head until her lips ghosted along Lexa's neck, stopping just under her ear. "I love fucking you _Heda_ but I'm not so sure you like it."

Lexa's nails scratched trails down Raven's back as her legs wrapped around Raven's waist. Her breathing was very shallow as the buildup inside of her throbbed against every part of her. She turned her head and mumbled in Raven's ear, "I love it when you fuck me Raven. Please keep going."

“ _JOK_ do you have any idea what that does to me?" Raven thrusted back inside of Lexa only to pull back out slowly. She did this over and over until she felt her body growing tired.

Lexa was whimpering, her body writhing underneath the girl. "Raven, please...."

Ignoring the ache of her needing her own climax and the dull constant pounding in her bad leg, Raven pulls herself onto her knees to give herself better leverage and grinds the dildo as hard and deep as she currently can over and over. She's not sure but she thinks her heart is going to pound right out of her body if Lexa doesn't cum and really soon.

Lexa cried out, the sudden change in thrusting causing her walls to clench. Her back arched up off the bed, her head thrown back, no sound emerging after that first cry. Her hands gripped the furs, white-knuckled, as the feeling inside her exploded.

Raven followed right behind Lexa and tumbled over the edge into her own orgasm with a few grunts and groans. Her pace steadily decreasing until she was sure the girl was coming down from her high. Letting her weight rest on Lexa, Raven buried her face in her neck kissing and mumbling about never feeling anything like that before and nibbling until her heartbeat returned to normal. "If you give me a few minutes, we can do that again If you want."

Lexa's chest rose and fell rapidly, her arms wrapped around Raven's waist, holding on for dear life. Her eyes were still shut, trying to help her brain make sense of what just happened. She mumbled, "I may need a few days to recover, _ai hodnes_."

"Days?" Raven all but yelped as she wriggled out of Lexa's hold and slipped her new favorite toy out of her. Flopping over on to her back Raven could not contain her happiness as full blown laughter fell from her mouth. "So that was a first for me too."

"I can see why so many women are attracted to men purely for sexual pleasure," Lexa chuckled, rolling onto her side and looking at Raven, "but you must be much better at it than them. That was amazing." She smiled and traced patterns over Raven's stomach. "Can we do it again?"

"Again as in right now?" Gulping in a few more breaths between her laughter, Raven ran her thumb along Lexa's bottom lip dipping it in and out of her mouth. "If that's what you want."

Lexa nodded. She felt empty and would rather have that feeling between her thighs again. She gently nipped at Raven's thumb, closing her lips around it and sucking on it gently.

"Oooh...uhm you there are other-no no.." Raven shook her head trying to erase the thought of…No she wouldn't even let herself think it. "You are going to have to do the work this time if you really want it that bad. Ride me like you rode my face earlier." Patting her own thighs, Raven pulled her bottom lip between her teeth waiting.

Lexa looked at her curiously. Nonetheless, she sat up on the bed and straddled Raven's hips, slowly sinking down onto the dildo, moaning as she stretched to accommodate it again.

"Jesus fuck! Are you real?" Raven was not sure her brain and body and mind were all working in tandem but her eyes literally felt like they might fall out as she watched Lexa lower herself down on Raven's not-so-real yet real enough dick.

"I don't understand what you mean...I am very real. Here, touch me and see," Lexa grabbed Raven's hand and brought it up to her breast as she slowly rose almost all the way off before sinking back down.

Ravens jaw went slack. Clamping her eyes shut she sent up a whispered prayer to whoever was listening for putting her in that very spot at that very moment with those very rock hard nipples she was pinching between thumb and forefinger. "Very real. SO very real."

"See? As real as I can be." Lexa again slid off the dildo and back down on it, a bit more forceful this time. Now that she could accommodate it, the feeling of it filling her was pure bliss. She rose again, almost all the way off before bringing herself down again and grinding against Raven's hips.

Raven slid one hand down over perfectly sculpted abs coming to a stop Lexa's hip, fingers splayed out and holding on like she was the one who needed grounding. "Not that I have a long history of being in situations like this but-" the tremors kicked back up as the harness was being rubbed over and over against her already overly sensitive clit, "-but…slow down. I'm already close and it's not even inside me. Just _slow down_."

Lexa did just the opposite. She ground her hips down again before rising and falling. This time, she fell so that the dildo rammed against her front wall. She cried out as a burst of pleasure ran through her body again, more so than before.

Raven sat up and wrapped one arm around Lexa's waist, her other hand slipping through the girls folds and back up to run hard circles around her clit. She had every intention of keeping Lexa's orgasm going as long as possible. "Keep rolling your hips." With a sigh of relief from the different angle and the loss of contact to herself, Raven refocused wanting to give Lexa as much as she received from her back in the workshop.

Whimpers and breathy moans bubbled up from her throat as Lexa did as Raven asked. She rolled her hips, the dildo rubbing against her wall and Raven's hand rubbing even harder against her clit. Wave after wave of pleasure rolled through her as one orgasm seemingly turned into two.

"You didn't ask me if you could cum the last time." Her mouth latched on to the nipple in front of her face and bit down just hard enough to make Lexa feel it, switching up she sucking the other nipple into her mouth swirling her tongue around it.

"I didn't...shit...didn't know I was..." Lexa moaned up, the assault on her nipples driving her dangerously close to a third orgasm in the past couple of minutes. Her hips began to grind down against Raven again. "Will you...allow me one now?"

Releasing the nipple with a loud pop Raven shook her head no. "What do I get out of it?" The girl was so worked up over hearing Lexa ask that the orgasm that hit her forced her back down into a laying position. "Fuck…you can…you can cum now."

Throwing her head back again, Lexa cried out as the third hit her harder than the rest. Her hips thrashed against Raven, grinding hard to keep the vibrations going inside her until she was bent over Raven's body, gasping for shaky breaths.

Gasping and gulping her way through her own release, Raven ran her hands up Lexa's back into her hair and held her tight. "There's no damn way that can ever be topped. Damn Lex..." Her hips jolted up a few times with aftershocks.

"Oh really? Clarke showed me something though..." Lexa said as she slid off and knelt in between Raven's legs before lowering her head.

"Why are you talking about Cla-...what are you..? Ravens mouth dropped into wide o. Her brain had to be making this up. There was no damn way but there it was. Happening. To her.

Lexa's tongue rolled out and slid its way up the shaft, lapping up the juices coated on it. She did that several times before wrapping her lips around the head and sucking on it. Simultaneously, her hand slid under the harness and gently ran through the folds underneath, all while those delicious green eyes locked onto Raven's.

"ARE YOU GIVING ME A BLOWJOB?!" Raven had no clue as to why she was yelling but she couldn't wrap her mind around what was happening and then she felt the fingers. "This isn't real this can't be actually happening," she whimpered more to herself than Lexa.

Lexa smirked when she pulled her lips off. "Shh...You don't want the city to hear do you? Or would you rather have them know...they'll know how a Skaikru mechanic can reduce Heda to a ball of whimpers and moans, then have her perform some of the most embarrassing acts not even Wanheda could make her do." With that, she went back to cleaning off the dildo, sliding it farther into her mouth while increasing the pace of her fingers on the girl's clit.

Raven had one hand covering her own eyes and one hand gripped tightly into Lexa's hair. "Why do you keep mentioning _her_?!" The orgasm that was building started in the back of Raven's skull. The fingers touching her were pushing her over every edge and cliff and whatever else people fell over.

Again, she popped off, more audibly this time. "Because you're so much better than her." And down she went again. She managed to get halfway down, which definitely surprised her, before it stopped in her throat. She groaned, her throat clenching around it. If only Raven could feel what was happening on it.

Raven leaned her head back into the pillows after catching a glimpse of the dildo disappearing into Lexa's mouth. Being told she was better than the _great_ and _powerful_ Wanheda was what did it. That and her clit just couldn't take anymore. Both hands fell to the furs and held on with a white knuckled death grip. She heard the sounds of moans and whimpers as she faded off to that tingling grey space.

Lexa pulled her mouth off and used her free hand to unlock the harness and pull it off the girl's legs as she slowed the rubbing down. Noticing her condition, Lexa climbed up the bed and pulled Raven tight against her chest, rubbing her back and just cuddling her gently.

"If this is not really real and it's just a dream don't wake me up, ever." Mumbling and drifting in and out of consciousness, Raven curled herself into Lexa; her head tucked into the hollow between her neck and the bed.

"If I don't wake you up, we can't do that ever again," Lexa whispered against her, pulling the furs up over them. She had no clue how long Raven would be out, but she wanted her to be comfortable nonetheless.


	9. Chapter 9

Raven's eyes fluttered open and a yawn began to pull her mouth open wide. As she went cup her hand over face there was instant and total resistance. "Lex? Lexa?!" Whipping her head side to side only confirmed what she felt. Both of her arms were stretched out slightly above her head and wrists tied tighter than anything she could pull out of. There was still a soft glow from the candles but what she was seeing was really making no sense to her still sleep fogged mind.

Lexa walked out from the back room, hearing Raven's voice. "Ah, _ai hodnes,_ you're awake. Did you sleep well?"

"I don't know, did I?" Lifting her head, Raven looked around the room again. "And while you're answering that can you tell me why I'm like this?" The girl tugged hard enough to make the headboard rattle. "This is not funny."

"Well. We have a problem." Lexa started, standing at the foot of the bed. " _Jus nou drein jus daun_ , remember? But according to what Anya told me a while back, there was an explosion that killed quite a large portion of my army at a certain bridge."

Stilling and laying her head back down slowly. "Right. Okay. And?" For the briefest of seconds Raven contemplated blaming Clarke for all of it. Raven couldn't be sure but she thought it possible for there to still be a slap mark on her left cheek. "Problem? What _kind_ -" clearing her throat so her words stop squeaking. "What kind of problem?"

"There is only one member of Skaikru at the time that could accomplish such a feat. You." She set her steely gaze on the girl, watching her closely.

"Me. Right yeah. That was me." Panic started to creep its way back into her mind. Was the whole day just a setup? "Lex please can you untie me and we can talk about this?"

"Well, I'm not allowed to kill you for it. Like I said _, jus nou drein jus daun_. So I have to find other ways to punish you for all those poor warriors." She walked around to the side of the bed, running a hand up Raven's side.

"Kill me? What the hell was today then? Seriously this can't be happening." Raven closed her eyes so tight she started to feel dizzy, the mumbling just adding to her panic. "I knew it was a dream I knew it…this is a damn nightmare and I'm really ready to just wake up now."

" _Ai hodnes_ , open your eyes. _Beja_." Lexa's hand cupped her cheek, turning the girl's face towards her own.

Blinking her eyes open, Raven set her gaze of Lexa hoping she saw just how closed off they were. "Punish me how?"

A small smirk popped the corner of Lexa's mouth into the air before she climbed on the bed. "Nothing too serious. Maybe I'll just tease you to death, how does that sound?"

"That is not funny Lexa!" The way Ravens body sagged into the bed was almost comical. Almost. "You will have to untie me eventually. Remember that."

"Do I? Maybe I can keep you here like this forever." Lexa straddled her lap, grinding her hips down.

"Threats and empty promises." Raven hissed out. Her body betraying her the second Lexa ground down, her core stirring back to life.

" _Ai laik Heda_ ," she growled, grinding down harder. "I do not make empty promises." With that, her hand reached down between Raven's folds and found its way to her clit, rubbing hard angry circles into it.

Pulling her arms hard against the restraints again Raven huffed and groaned. "I don't think I can take any more. I'm already so damn sensitive, Lex."

Lexa did not budge. Her fingers kept at their relentless pace. "There are no negotiations here.”

"Fuck...okay if you're going to keep this up-" Raven's hips ground down and twisted from side to side. "Inside. I need you inside."

Lexa shook her head, then pulled her hand away, stopping all movement. "I said no negotiations. What I say goes."

Growling and involuntarily shifting to follow Lexa's hand. Raven dropped her head back down on the bed. "Fine then. What are you saying again?"

Lexa smirked. "That thing I did earlier...you called it a 'blowjob,' I think? I want you to do it now." She stood up and slipped the harness on.

Raven had never snapped her mouth closed as fast and as hard in her life.

Lexa climbed up and stood on the bed, standing over Raven's body. "If you do this I'll let you cum. Understand?"

"That's not the way you ask someone to do that."

"I am the Commander, I shouldn't have to ask."

"If you untie one of my hands I'll do it. Okay? Just one arm?"

Lexa looked down at her, then nodded, reaching down and untying only one arm. "Don't try anything stupid."

Tension dropping from her body and mind, Raven sat up enough so she could move her head and not worry about being pinned down and gagged. Horrible experience and she did not want a replay. "I won't. Now tell me again what it is you want _Commander_?”

Lexa looked down, one hand gently running over Raven's cheek. "How do you Skaikru say it...suck my dick?"

Raven's cheeks flushed and the twitch and jump of her clit barely came as a shock. "Are you asking or…?" keeping her eyes locked with pair above her Raven leaned forward just enough to swirl her tongue around the tip then pulled back, free hand gripped like a vice into Lexa's ass.

"Does the Commander ask for anything?" Lexa ran a hand through the girl's hair, watching that tongue work its magic.

"So you're not asking me to suck your dick?" Raven leaned in again running her tongue from the underside tip to base and back. Eyes still holding the blown black pair above her. The girl relaxed her grip on Lexa's ass to knead at the firm flesh.

"No, I'm telling you to," Lexa strained to keep her voice steady. The sight beneath her was beautiful. With the hand kneading the skin on her ass, it took all of her self-control not to buck her hips forward. Every movement of Raven's tongue pushed the harness just slightly, enough that another jolt went through her oversensitive clit and shot straight up through her.

Maintaining eye contact, Raven wrapped her lips around the extension she could only imagine was real. She pushed forward slowly inch by inch until she had almost all of it in her mouth. Relaxing her thought as best she could, Raven managed to take the whole thing before pulling back off and licking her lips. "It still kind of tastes like you."

Lexa could only nod. _Fuck_ it was hot. She didn't think she'd be seeing this. Ever.

The slight smirk that played at the corners of her lips was more for herself than Lexa. Raven knew the effect this was having from being in the receiving end earlier in the night. "Hold onto the back of my head tighter." And she definitely wanted the girl to get as much out of this as possible. "And try not to thrust too hard." Raven barely had the words out before she was sliding the length deep into her mouth again while pulling Lexa's hips forward.

Lexa’s hands went straight to Raven's hair, tangling her fingers in the dark strands. Her hips thrust forward as she watched the entire length disappear into Raven's mouth. " _Jok_ ," she murmured, feeling the harness rub against her even more.

Remembering the way the harness kept her on edge when she had worn it, Raven pushed down and pulled back off the fake dick a bit faster. Her free hand snaking between Lexa's legs from behind to glide through her folds until fingertips slid up inside.

Lexa's head rolled back as she let out another breathy moan, her hips thrusting forward again. Her hands grabbed fistfuls of hair, giving her some leverage on the girl as she bucked her hips, looking for some form of release.

Keeping a steady pace with her fingers and a curling forward every time they pulled out, Raven decreased the speed with which her mouth rose and fell. The sounds of Lexa's juices and the scent…it was almost too much to take and she wasn't even sure she had much longer from the way her own hips were grinding and rocking.

Lexa's moans quickly turned into whimpers. _God_ did Raven's finger feel good inside her. It wasn't long until her own legs were shaking and her wall clamping around Raven's fingers as she cried out and the waves of yet another orgasm hit her.

Raven pulled back off the dildo taking a few deep breaths until the burn in her lungs calmed. "Cum for me, Lex. Again.” Ducking her head down Raven was able to tug the harness to the side enough so she could run her tongue through Lexa's folds and back up to wrap her lips around the squirming girls clit.

If it wasn't for her self-control, Lexa probably would have collapsed on top of the girl as wave after wave hit her harder and harder. She cried out, strangled sounds echoing off the walls of the room.

That was when Raven heard it. The door had banged open. Her mouth fell away from Lexa and her fingers slowed to an almost complete stop. Wasn't it the middle of the damn night?! "Why are you _here_ Clarke?" Raven took hold of Lexa's wrist and tugged until she lowered herself into the bed. "Untie me!"

Lexa quickly untied Raven's other wrist and called for the guards, who quickly escorted Clarke back into the hallway. She climbed off the bed, helping Raven up as well.

Raven stalked around the large space picking up her shirt and underwear which she stepped into and tugged up into place. "Where is my damn bra?" She cried out in annoyance before she found it draped over an unlit candle on a high standing candelabra. Her pants were half pushed into the back of the couch in a crumpled ball until she yanked those in with a huff. Lastly she slammed her brace onto her leg while grumbling and growling out her obvious displeasure. "Why is Clarke allowed to just /do/ whatever the hell she wants and get away with it yet other people _think_ about looking at you sideways and their eyes are practically plucked out?" Raven gulped in a deep mouthful of oxygen after her rant. "And where are my boots?!"

Lexa walked over, already fully dressed, and placed Raven's boots on the ground in front of her. "I will deal with Clarke. Please just try and relax." It took everything in her to keep calm in this moment. The liberties Lexa had once given Clarke had not extended this far, not to mention she would have the heads of both guards delivered to her for allowing Clarke passage in the hall.

"RELAX?" Raven yelled while stomping her feet into her boots. "Oh here is a little not of information I'm sure you didn't know. Clarke kissed _me_ the night she ended things with _you_. So at this point I don't even I understand what the problem is! You know I didn't plan to fall in love with my best friends ex. That's not generally something people sign up for." Raven continued to gesture with her hands pointing between herself, the door and back to Lexa. Her confession of loving Lexa didn't even register.

Lexa stopped, not hearing any words after _love_. "Did you just..." she swallowed, watching Raven with wide eyes. She couldn't watch her like this. Quickly, she stepped up to Raven, taking her head into her hands and pressing their foreheads together. She placed gentle kisses on her lips, holding her close. “ _Ai hodnes, beja_ ,” she murmured. "I shall take care of the Ambassador. Please just wait here."

Feeling Lexa's lips against hers gave Raven enough pause that her own words began to registered. Breathing softly into her mouth, Raven felt her own body relax. There was no sense in denying or holding it back any longer. "I do, Lex. And not just because of everything that happened today. So yeah. I do…ya know, love you. "

Lexa smiled, staring into her eyes. "I will be back. Are you staying here tonight?"

"I don't even know why that's a question."

The smile on Lexa's face only grew wider as she stepped away and towards the door. She stopped for a moment before exiting the room and let Lexa crawl away into the back of her mind, Heda coming out full force before throwing the doors open and striding down the hallway.

Raven debated for all of five seconds with herself as whether she was going to stay put or follow after Lexa. Nope. There was no way. After pulling her sex wild hair back into its usual messy ponytail, Raven bolted out of the room and down the hall following the sounds of voices being raised.


	10. Chapter 10

Lexa's voice carried all the way down the hall as her volume increased. "You are an _Ambassador_ and you shall act like one. Just because you are the newest one does not mean you have special privileges apart from the others!"

Clarke's first mistake was failing to notice the difference between who she was standing in front of. She'd almost always been courtesy of dealing with Lexa no matter what the situation was. But this moment was not case. Clarke missed the way the Commander was looking down at her. "Special privileges? What does that even mean?"

"You cannot just barge into whatever room you wish like you own the city. You have to obey the laws like every other person. You should be glad that the guards were kind to you, otherwise you'd be down in the prison right now."

Clarke caught site of the shorter brunette standing just inside the doors to the throne room her and Lexa were in. The sickly sweet smile that spread across her face was even worse than the one she wore earlier in the Workshop. "Tell me Raven, how did it feel? Did you wake up tied to the bed hmm? Was it after _Leksa_ used your body until you passed out? Mhmm guess who showed her most of that? The strap on was definitely a nice touch though-"

She didn't even know that she had done it. The next thing that Lexa saw was her pinning Clarke againsst the wall, her dagger drawn from her belt and pressed up against the blonde's throat. Her teeth bared, Lexa growled, " _Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op."_

Raven watched on in disbelief. She had seen Clarke go through some intense situations since they fell to the earth but it hasn't ever seemed to affect her like this. She _looked_ like her mind had snapped. Like she was going to keep pushing both her and Lexa.

Clarke leaned her head back against the wall. The knife barely registering in her mind. "Hmm how do you think Raven would feel about being the one to watch? We both know how hard I can make you cum."

Lexa snarled, pressing the blade closer. "You have until dawn. Leave my city and don't come back until you can act like a _subject_ of mine. If I find you in the city tomorrow you will be taken as a prisoner. And tell Arkadia to select a new Ambassador."

"Your _subject_?” Clarke barked out a humorless laugh. The knife still not phasing her at all. "Does Raven make a good little _subject_ for you… _Heda_? Is she as eager to impress the _Mighty Commander_?"

That had done it. Lexa could feel that little part of her brain snap before she grabbed Clarke by the collar and brought her to the ledge at the window where she had kicked another challenger off before. Keeping a steady hand, she made Clarke lean off the balcony, her heels on the ledge, knife still pointed at her. "Don't make me let go _Klark_. I will not hesitate. You need help, I can see that, but you have to be willing to accept the help I'm offering."

"What would be the difference? You've already let go once." Clarke searched out Raven and held her eyes. Voice now I'm a whisper that only Lexa would hear. "Go ahead. Let go."

Lexa stopped, the steely facade she had put on melting for a softer one. Slowly she slid her dagger back into her sheath and looked back over her shoulder at Raven before letting go of Clarke…and grabbing her quickly with her now free hand, pulling her inside and throwing her into the room. "Raven, _ai hodnes_ ," she started. "Go out into the hall and grab my guards. _Beja_."

Raven moved around Lexa, coming to a stop besides Clarke and bent down to wrap her arms around her. "Maybe you should go get them." Turning her focus back to Clarke, Raven pressed her forehead to the top the girls head and started to rock her gently murmuring softly.

Clarke let herself be held instead of her usual instinct to push people away. "She loves you Raven. She loves you and not me. I don't know how to be okay with that." The irony of the situation was far from lost in her. In both of them really.

Lexa watched the two of them, still fuming slightly, before storming out into the hallway and getting the guards and coming back inside. "Please escort the Ambassador down to the basement where she shall be held until I decide otherwise."

Raven couldn't explain why but she just knew there was no way she was letting anyone take Clarke to any basement. "That's not happening. Tell them to back off, Lexa." Turning her brown eyes to stare at the Commander, Raven tried to convey the seriousness of her words.

"Raven, I'm doing this for everyone's safety. Including hers. Let them take her." Lexa stared her down, not backing down.

"I can't do that." Raven shook her head. "I've _been_ down there. It's dark and cold and not where- she just needs some time."

Lexa thought back to that time. She turned away from the two. "Fine," she said, "do what you need to."

Raven disentangle herself from Clarke and stood. Her body has been worked over so many times that her limp was more noticeable than usual as she moved back over and into Lexa's personal space. "I know she has room in the floor below this. Maybe have them take her there? And maybe lock her in?" Despite the possibility of another outburst, Raven leaned her body flush with Lexa's. "And then you can take me back to bed."

Lexa pulled away from Raven. Speaking to the guards, she said "take her there, lock her in. Only I say who goes in or out."

"You're upset." Raven paces around the room looking at the various items here and there. "Because of what Clarke said, because of _how_  she said it…Or because I challenged your orders?" After stopping to clear her throat she pressed on. "Because I'm not your subject. I don't think I can be that."

"Raven, please go back to the bedroom." Lexa didn't turn as she stood at the window, watching the night sky.

"Lex-" Raven pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, biting at it while she stood at the door leading out to the hall. "If that's what you want, okay…" Stepping from the room, Raven went back to the bedroom and sat there. Waiting. Waiting and thinking.

Lexa stayed in the throne room for who knows how long. The cool air felt good against her hot skin. She didn't want to snap at Raven, but if she went back now it would not end well.

After what felt like hours, Raven dropped the book she had randomly selected from the stack Lexa had piled by the couch. There were words and a story but…whatever. It wasn't important. What was important right now as the fact that Lexa still hadn't returned.

Standing with a grunt and twinge of more pain than she had been used to the as of late, no doubt because of the added and very aggressive sexual activities throughout the day, Raven made her way back down the hall to the throne room. Taking slow steps until she was right behind Lexa, Raven raised her hand and placed it gently on her shoulder. "Lex?"

Lexa turned and faced the girl. "Hm?" She hadn't realized how long she had been in the throne room.

Raven ran her hand up from Lexa's shoulder to cup the side of her face in a light hold. "You've been here for a long time."

"I wasn't ready to go back yet..." she refused to make eye contact, fearing she would snap again. Her nerves were all on fire still.

Raising her other hand so she could cup both cheeks, Raven tried to get Lexa to look at her. "Are you still…not ready?"

She finally looked, green eyes into brown. "I...don't know..." Lexa grabbed one of Raven's hands and squeezed it gently, then looked away again. She felt sorry for snapping earlier. In her reign, she had never been that angry with anyone or acted so brash.

Raven couldn't be sure whether it was the dull ache running down the left side of her body or how late in the night it was but she definitely wasn't picking up on the agitation pouring off the girl in front of her. Gripping at Lexa's face a little tighter, Raven again tried to get her to maintain eye contact. "You're still upset."

"I need to speak to Clarke, that's all. We need to talk without her confronting me. Once we do, everything will be fine," still she refused eye contact, but gently squeezed Raven's hand again.

Dropping her hands away from Lexa, Raven moved away so she could lean against the armrest of the huge and overly stated throne. What the hell was with all the sharp edges? Absentmindedly her hand came up to rub circles into her left hip. "No, I don't think that's the best idea."

Lexa finally looked up, noticing Raven's discomfort. "Are you hurt? Sore? Here, let me take you back." She quickly joined Raven, picking her up bridal style and walking her out of the throne room.

"I can walk fine by myself." Raven wriggled as much as she could. "I don't need to be carried like I'm some damn invalid!"

Lexa ignored her protests as she entered the bedroom again, placing Raven down on the bed. She immediately went into the bathroom, drawing up a warm bath for her before returning. "There is a warm bath waiting for you. It should help relieve most of the aches and pains."

Raven stayed sitting on the bed. There was no movement to remove her boots or brace. She just stayed sitting there glaring down at her leg. Nothing she had done to _help_ with the pain worked. Most of the time she ignored the pain just so she didn't have to admit to anyone else just how bad it was. This was absolutely going to be one of those times. "I'm _fine_." She said through gritted teeth.

Lexa sat next to her on the bed, taking her hand in her own and rubbing the knuckles gently. " _Ai hodnes_ , you don't have to hide your pain from me. I want to help you. I know how strong you are, but sometimes even the strongest need help."

" _Kwelnes_." She said while still staring down at her brace. "Is that how your people say it? This-" Finally lifting her head, brown eyes finding green. "This will never heal or get better. There will always be this constant reminder of- you know what, it doesn't matter." Slowly her fingers unsnapped the brace letting it fall to the floor. Raven stood and peeled away all of her clothes as she made her way to the tub. Testing its temperature, she couldn't hold back the soft smile at she thought of Lexa having done this for her.

Lexa stood and walked to the doorway, watching as Raven slipped into the water. She leaned against the wall, watching the girl. "It may never heal, but we can at least lessen the pain of it."

"I'd like to say I wish that was true but why waste a wish on something that I'm never getting." Leaning back to try and relax, Raven could not stop the grin that pulled at the corners of her mouth. "But…There is something you _could_ do for me right now."

"Yes, _ai hodnes_?" She walked over to the side of the tub, waiting for Raven's request.

"Join me."

Lexa smiled softly. She was planning on going to talk to Clarke now to make sure she was okay, but it could wait. Raven needed her more right now. Backing away from the tub, she stripped off her clothing piece by piece before sliding into the warm water, a small moan bubbling from her lips.

Shifting until she was sitting with her back to Lexa's front Raven let out a long sigh as she let herself relax. "I could get very used to this _Commander_." Raven couldn't be sure if it was the water, it's perfectly warm temperature or the way Lexa's body felt against her own but the girl was letting herself just be comfortable in the moment and happy about whose arms she was in.

Lexa's arms snaked their way around Raven's stomach, holding her close. Her chin rested on the girl's shoulder. "Indeed. This is quite nice," she mumbled as she closed her eyes.

"We didn't have these up on the Ark." Slouching down a bit Raven was able to tuck her head under Lexa's chin and still keep her leg straight out in front of herself. That she had to admit felt really good. Almost too good but she wasn't going to question it.

"Then how did you bathe?" Lexa asked, her chin gently pressing on Raven's head as they sat in the water.

"Showers." Raven pressed herself back into Lexa, she was enjoying this so much more than she felt would have been possible. The skin on skin contact was better than she'd had with anyone else.

"Showers?" Lexa questioned, her eyes staying shut. More Skaikru traditions meant more confusion for her.

"They have a…waterfall effect. I guess that's the best way to describe it without me having to actually build on to show you."

"Oh, alright." Lexa wouldn't bother asking more. She didn't need to know, she was just curious. Instead she focused on how the dull ache between her hips had vanished in the water and just how good Raven's skin felt on hers.

"So how does this work?" Raven sat up and turned as much as she could so she could press little kisses to Lexa's lips, their intentions to be more sweet than sensual.

"How does what work? The bathtub?" Lexa chuckled. Usually she was the one who was confused by Skaikru items. It was strange to be the one who knew what things were.

"What? No…" Raven shook with laughter causing some of the water to swoosh up and over the edge. "Us. Not the…I know how water works."

"Oh," Lexa chuckled. "What do mean, how do we work?"

"Is this- us…? Does this stay behind closed door? Is this something we have to hide because of who you are and who I'm not? I don't really see you dropping by my workshop after a long day of planning war and peace to see me and bring me flowers. Not that I think you should be doing that! I just want to know if this has to be hidden."

"Well..." Lexa started, but she didn't know how to continue. Of course she knew being Heda came first, but what then? "For now, let's stay behind closed doors. You know how touchy people can be. We will work on it though, I promise _ai hodnes_."

"Let's keep that figurative and not literal."

Lexa smirked. "That sounds like an agreement."

"In 6 days I go back to Arkadia."

"That soon?" The disappointment was apparent in her voice. "You could always stay here instead. I would love to keep you here as my guest."

"The deal to bring me here was for 1 month. I've already been sent a short list of all the things that need to be fixed there." Raven made the last little shift and was straddling Lexa's lap. She just sat there, no grinding or at least she didn't do it intentionally. "I still have a lot more work here to be done as well."

Lexa clenched her jaw, thinking. "How long will you be in Arkadia for?" She didn't want to admit it, but Raven was right. They needed her expertise there more than Lexa needed her here. She _wanted_ her here, but didn't need her.

"I guess some of that depends on you."

Lexa sighed, wrapping her arms around Raven's waist. "I don't want you to leave at all...but if you have to..."

Pressing herself closer into Lexa gave Raven chills that ran down her spine. The water still felt warm but the girl couldn't stop thinking about how much she never knew she'd been needing this until now. Not just this but _this_ with _this_ person. "We have 6 days. 6 whole days and 6 whole nights."

"Not long enough," Lexa mumbled as she pressed her lips against Raven's, gently.

"No. You'll just have to spend that time showing me what I will have to look forward to when I do come back. Maybe ensure that it happens faster. Incentives…"

Lexa looked up at Raven, a new gleam in her eyes. "Is that a challenge?"

"Six-" soft kiss "-days-" bottom lip bite "- _commander._ "

Breathing deeply, Lexa closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation. "Then we should dry off and return to bed. I need to spend every minute wisely, and that includes cuddling you to sleep."

Letting Lexa's bottom lip go after suckling on it, Raven maneuvered herself so she was standing and looking down at.. _her_ girl. Lexa was hers. Multiple times since that morning she had told as much. "You get to dry me off and carry back to that excessively large bed."

Carefully, Lexa stood and stepped out of the tub, grabbing two towels. One of them she wrapped around herself before returning to the tub and holding her hand out to Raven, offering to help her out of the tub.  
"Can you come a little closer so I can lean?" Asking Lexa for help was still not something Raven liked but it also didn't feel the same as when she needed it from nearly everyone else.

Lexa stood right next to the tub, offering whatever Raven needed for assistance. She wrapped one arm around Raven's back for support.

After both of Raven's feet hit the floor she looked Lexa right in the eyes. "If there is a way to put a shower in here" she pointed around in a circle. "I'm going to do it because this is not me friendly."

"If that is what you wish, I'll allow it," Lexa said as she wrapped the second towel around Raven, pulling her in close. "How is your leg feeling now?"

"Hurts. But not as badly so…thank you."

"Would you still like me to carry you there?" Lexa asked as she dried off every part of herself and the girl in front of her.

"How many girls get to say they were carried off to bed by you?" She said as more of a statement and not a question. Raven couldn't help but smile as she watched Lexa finish drying them both.

"None but you." Lexa dropped both towels and quickly scooped Raven up, carrying her and placing her on the bed where the furs were already turned down. She slid into bed behind her, pulling the furs up around them.

Raven whipped her head around to look Lexa dead in the eyes. "Don't even think about having me wake up to being tied to this ridiculous bed, Lexa."

Lexa chuckled. "Not in the morning. I have to attend a meeting with all of the Ambassadors very early."

Rolling over so she could be front to front with Lexa, Raven was not sure mentioning Clarke would be the best idea but she was an Ambassador and she was also looked in her room. "Ambassadors, All of them?"

"That is what is supposed to happen. Whether the Ambassador for Skaikru decides to show up is her choice." Lexa's fingers ran over the now purple marks on Raven's neck from their charades earlier in the day.

Tilting her head to allow Lexa more access. "Admiring your handiwork from earlier?"

"Mhmm, because you are mine and I want everyone to know that."

"Oh?" Raven curled in as close as she could dragging her own lips over the still vibrant bite that sat directly under Lexa's chin. "What happened to keeping it behind closed doors? Because this…" Raven bit then smoothed over the mark with her tongue. "…is very noticeable."

"I'll find some way to cover it. Either that or we shall become public fast," Lexa's chin was tilted up, allowing Raven access to the area.

"Mine." Raven growled as she bit down then smoothed her tongue over the spot. " _Mine_ ," she half moaned half growled again before suckling a line down to Lexa's collarbone. Dragging a nail along the newest markings, Raven kissed a path back up to full soft lips while murmuring mine again.

" _Sha, ai hodnes. Ai laik yun_." Lexa placed a series of gentle kisses on Raven's lips and cheek, then nipped her way down her neck until she reached an unmarked patch of skin. She immediately sunk her teeth in, then sucked on the skin, only soothing it briefly with her tongue.

"Lex…6 days…" Ravens voice was somewhere between a moan and a whisper. That was all it had taken to cause her body to begin a slow grinding into the body against hers.

"Then let's spend it wisely, shall we?" One hand slid down the girl's stomach and in between her thighs as one long finger slid between her folds.

"Yes" she whispered into the dark. "That's very, very wise Commander. Take me again."

Lexa didn't need any urging. She easily slipped two fingers inside her, her thumb drawing lazy circles around her clit. Her other hand went straight for Raven's neck, pulling her in for a heated kiss.

A jagged yelp slips out around Lexa's lips. Raven was right back to feeling like she was on the verge of exploding and the girl had _just_  pushed into her. "How do you do that?" she managed to get out around the heated and hungry kisses they were exchanging.

Lexa didn't respond but only continued pumping her fingers and rubbing Raven's clit harder. She presses wet, open mouth kisses against her lover's neck, tasting the skin beneath her lips.

Raven hand both her hands rooted in the brunette’s hair to hold her mouth on place and hold on for dear life. "I'm so close Lex but I need you to ease up on my clit just a little…" For the third (or was it the forth?) time that night raven felt the herself speeding towards the grey space that had always been a mentioned but never achieved and now she was falling into it yet again.

Lexa obeyed, slowing down the assault by her thumb. She leaned in for another hungry kiss before Raven did anything else.

"Just… _Jok_ , just like that.." Pulling her mouth away from the kiss but holding tighter in Lexa's hair, Raven tilted her head back. She was positive the whole tower heard her cries and _Commander_ and _ai hod yu in._ The last thing her conscious mind remembered was feeling her juices drenching them both. Which was new.

Lexa placed kisses all along her face and neck, gently lulling her to sleep after the explosion of pleasure. She pulled Raven in close to her body, cuddling her.


	11. Chapter 11

The feeling of warmth and heavy comfort pulled Raven from her sleep, the soft furs and mid-morning sunlight leaving her a little confused. The previous day’s events rushed back to her causing the girl to sit bolt upright. That wasn't a dream? Nope. This was not her little bedroom in the heart of the street market. And…her core was definitely sore from…"Lex...Lexa?!" Rolling to edge of the bed, Raven climbed off and went on search of her various articles of clothing.

Lexa was not there. She had already left for the Ambassadors’ meeting, which had ended shortly before Raven awoke.

Anya sat back in her high backed chair as the last of the Ambassadors filed out of the throne room. The absence of Skaikru was barely noticed by the other clan leaders but Anya noticed. "Is Clarke not in the capital? I spoke with her just two days ago and she didn't make mention of leaving until next week."

"No, she is here. We had some...disagreements last night. I told her to remain in her room until further notice." Lexa sat back, her head resting against the backrest of her throne. She didn't expect Clarke to show up, but a small piece of her hoped she would.

"Heda sometimes I think you're too harsh with her. What was the _disagreement_ about this time? Is she refusing the guards I'm sure you have tailing her everywhere?" Anya shook her head with a light laugh. There was always some _issue_ between the pair but they made a strong team during wartime. "Or is it the-" Anya pushed up from her seat, holding Lexa's chin in place the older warrior let out a huff. "Love bite markings, Lexa? Is this why?"

"No...They aren't from Clarke. Clarke spent a majority of last night-well, early this morning-challenging me and my rulings. I threatened to banish her but-" she stopped. She didn't want to have to explain herself to Anya now.

Letting go of Lexa, Anya let out another huff with a light laugh. "Banish her? We both know that will never happen. Did she happen to walk in on you finally claiming- or should I say her claiming you-…" Turning her attention to the opening doors and Raven as she walked in, Anya looked back and forth between the pair before leaning on to whisper harshly in Lexa's ear. "Her best friend, Lexa?!"

Lexa rose from the throne and quickly went to meet Raven near the doorway, ignoring Anya. "You're awake. Did you sleep well?"

Anya's eyes narrowed in on the matching markings that covered the girl's neck. "Well I can see why _Klark kom Skaikru_ would be challenging you. You can't expect her to just be okay with this. I can't say that I am shocked after watching you both the past few weeks but…” Anya moved to the door pausing long enough to tsk at them both.

Waiting for Lexa's adviser to leave, Raven turned her eyes back to Lexa. A hint of uncertainty filling her face. "I slept…Really good. You?"

"Very well. Much better than I have been, thanks to you. Have you had anything to eat yet this morning?" Lexa's hand cupped Raven's cheek, her thumb running over her cheekbone as she herself examined the marks.

Skipping over in inquiry and pulling back slightly, Raven glanced around again finding the room empty besides them. "Clarke... She didn't come?"

"No. I plan to go check in on her though, to make sure she's alright. What are your plans for today?"

Raven's eyes roamed the room until they spot the opening to the balcony. Replaying the events in her head and how Clarke pushed Lexa to a breaking point was making her even more uncertain. "Two way radios." she answered but didn't look at Lexa.

"Radios? Are those another one of the mysterious Skaikru machines?" Lexa watched her carefully.

What is?" Raven pulled her eyed from the opening back to Lexa's. "Radio? Oh! It's for your scouts and chiefs…When they leave the city. Instant communication." Raven's words came out choppy as she tried to push the image of Clarke hitting the floor without moving to stand back up.

"Oh, alright," Lexa chewed at her lip, thinking. "Could they also work...?"

"Could they..? I can leave one with you too if you want." Side stepping around Lexa and the trail of her duster, Raven takes long steps until she reaches the opening to the balcony and stops.

Lexa nodded and followed Raven to the balcony. They stood side by side, Lexa watching the people of the city go about their work.

"That's a far drop." She mutters more to herself than Lexa. Eyes staring straight forward, Raven wasn't really sure what to think. In truth watching Lexa be _Heda_ stirred up a lot of things. Mostly it turned her on but then there was Clarke. Seeing Clarke on the receiving end wasn't something she ever wanted.

"You seem nervous. What's wrong?" Lexa turned slightly, watching the girl. She had seemed weary since she entered the room that morning. That, and distracted.

"No I'm not- not nervous. I should get back down to the Workshop." Pressing forward until her hips were against the broken railing, Raven ran her fingers along the rough edge mostly just lost in thought.

"Raven...why are you so uneasy? _Beja_. You can tell me anything." Lexa's hand found its way to the small of her back, resting gently on it.

Raven shook her head mostly dismissing the question. Leaning back, she pushed herself flush against the front of Lexa. The belts and buckles and smaller pieces of armor dug into her back but she mostly paid it no mind. "I know Anya is close with-" her words just died in her mouth, not wanting to say the name again.

Arms snaked their way around her waist while Lexa pressed light kisses into the crook of Raven's neck. She was not fond of the tension right now, so she pulled the girl in closer in an attempt to relax the two of them.

"That feels _really_ good." was murmured as Raven leaned her head back to rest on the taller girls shoulder. There was only a modicum of relief in the tension running through her body but it better than nothing and Raven just really liked how it felt to be in Lexa's arms.

"Mm, I bet it does," Lexa nuzzled her face into the girl's neck. It smelled like her, sweat, grease, and metal, with a small tang of sex from the day before. She unconsciously ground her hips forward slightly.

Raven couldn't help the bark of laughter when she felt what she thought was a well-placed belt buckle push against her ass. "Is that a dagger in your pocket, _Commander_ or are you just happy to see me?"

"Maybe if you're not busy later, I'll stop by your workshop and you can find out," Lexa smirked, nipping at her neck again.

"Because today it would matter whether I was busy or not?" Raven ground herself back into Lexa. What that? Her buckle...? She ground again but slower. "You're wearing it aren't you?"

Lexa bit down a bit harder in response. She wanted to surprise her later, but the anticipation would be even better.

Turning slowly then sinking slowly down onto her knees, Raven pulls the zipper down on Lexa's pants not looking up at her once. Reaching in to tug the dildo out so it sat properly in place, Raven fisted it and pumped it three times before wrapping her lips around the tip. She sank down half way pulled back and sank down again taking it as far as she could which was surprisingly most of it. The moan that came out from her filled mouth was so low she felt it vibrate in the back of her head. Pulling back the fake dick from her mouth again, Raven settled it back into Lexa's pants and zipped them up before moving back to stand face to face. "Go easy on Clarke."

Lexa's jaw hung slightly open, her pupils larger than they had been before. She could only nod in response. Silently, she was congratulating herself on making the decision to wear the harness in the first place.

Once she managed to compose herself, Lexa turned and walked out, heading downstairs and nodding to the guards outside Clarke's room. They let her pass and she knocked gently at the door.

Clarke stood at the opened door making no move to invite Lexa in or greet her verbally. After a long moment Clarke's eyes narrowed but she moved to the side and gestured for her ex to enter and follow her to the small sitting area.

Clasping her hands in front of her, Lexa followed her inside, sitting when she sat, but staying silent at first. "How are you today?"

"How am I?" She spat out. " _How_ am I? Are you seriously asking me that, Lexa?"

"Clarke, please. I'm sorry..." Lexa stared at the ground near their feet. She found it hard to let the words out. She was not one to apologize for anything, but for Clarke...it was different.

A humorless laugh fell from Clarke's mouth as she stood and took heavy steps leading her to the glass-less bay or windows that looked down over the busy market. "You're sorry. Well that just makes everything better."

"Clarke...you know how hard this is...for me. I'm trying. I told you, I want to help you, but you need to accept my help in order for this to work..."

"Thanks but really, no thanks. You've done _enough_ helping." Clarke moved back to her chair and sat, eyes flickering between sadness and discomfort. "Your loyalty astounds me."

"Then just tell me what is wrong. What your people call 'venting.' Lay out all your troubles and my faults against you."

"How... _how,_ Lexa? How could you, with Raven. Of all the people you could take to your bed." Clarke stood again and paced, breaths coming out unevenly.

"You think I wished to fall in love with her? It was not a choice Clarke. You turned me away, so I did as you said and moved on. It was not my intention to do so with Raven, but that is what happened. I'm not trying to anger you, I swear it, but I do not control love. I know you may not believe me or trust me, but my intentions were not meant to hurt you." Lexa stayed in the seat, her words smooth and calm. Like Raven had asked, she was trying to go easy on Clarke, but she also knew how upset Clarke was.

"Love? I'm supposed to believe this is anything more than you satisfying the itch I brought out in you?" Clarke stood directly in front of Lexa, her eyes boring down into green eyes.

"Clarke..." Lexa knew pleading wouldn't help. Clarke had already made up her mind, and she only hoped that someday the blonde would forgive her.

"She is _my_ person! Mine Lexa! And you knew that. I know you knew that because I told you!" The blonde just could not stand there being that close to her ex. It was starting to make her physically ache so she stepped back to the windows leaning into the edge with her forehead. "There are hundreds of girls-women, down there. They practically throw themselves at you."

Lexa finally stood, slowly. She stayed where she was, not even turning to face Clarke. "Would you like me to leave?"

"No Lexa I don't _want_ you to leave. I don't want you to." Clarke stayed where she was, her head still pushed against the wall besides the window opening. "I want you to stay. Here. Because you love _me_. Because you understood why I needed time. But you don't and you didn't." Finally pushing away from the way, Clarke walked until she was stood at an arms-length from Lexa but face to face. "Raven is…stubborn and thickheaded and stronger than just about anybody I've ever met. And for all that she is…sensitive and gentle and, well the lists are… _endless_."

"Clarke...I never said I didn't still love you..." For the first time, Lexa actually looked Clarke in the eyes. "Anyone would be lucky to call you theirs. I was lucky for that short time. Then you told me to move on, so I did. You will always remain right here though." She placed a hand over her heart, watching for any sign on Clarke's face.

"There was this one moment. This look on Raven's face when she realized Finn…loved me. It didn't matter how much I pushed him away and back to her, she still knew." Clarke swung her arm out to motion towards the door for Lexa go. "If you hurt her, I promise I'll hurt you in ways that make 49 cuts sound favorable."

Lexa watched her, defeat apparent in her eyes before walking towards the door. "You are free to come and go as you please Ambassador. I will lift the lockdown on your room." She opened the door, stealing one last look at Clarke before stepping out into the hallway.

Raven watched as the door to Clarke's room opened then closed behind Lexa. She had only been there for a few minutes but she heard more than enough to confirm to herself that she's made the right decision the night before. "I had wanted to...talk to Clarke. But I think you two covered everything that needs to be said right now." Raven gave a soft smile as she turned and moved back down the hall away from Lexa.

"Raven, wait." Lexa walked after her, catching up easily.

Raven just kept walking. She hadn't heard anything in particular to be upset about but there was a _look_ on Lexa's face when she first opened the door to leave. Raven could not explain why but it made her chest tighten. She'd walked until she was faced with having to climb down stairs or be stuck in the elevator. Both options sucked.

"Please Raven, stop." Lexa walked in front of her, blocking her path. " _Ai hodnes_ , tell me what is wrong. _Beja_."

"It's not like I can go anywhere in a hurry. And even less so right now."

"What is wrong?" Lexa placed a hand on Raven's shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

"I don't-" Raven shook her head a few times. She really didn't know how to explain it. "It's nothing."

" _Beja, ai hodnes_." Lexa was pleading, something she would never usually do. Whereas yesterday she felt as though she was on top of the world, today felt like everything under her feet had crumbled.

"I'm going to have to get used to this. You and Clarke are always going to working together. I'll be fine, okay? Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?" Another gentle squeeze, this one more reassuring.

"I know how she is feeling. And I know why she is feeling it."    

Lexa could feel her face drop, as well as her hand. How did she miss this? She should have known.

"I probably should have told her when I first started to, well when I first started. But what's done is done."

Lexa nodded, only slightly. Looking down, she turned away from the girl and walked back upstairs, silent.

Raven stood there for a few minutes while she debated out in her head whether to follow Lexa or go back down to her workshop. It'd been only 24 hours but the emotional lows and highs were becoming excessive. Nodding to herself, Raven took off towards Lexa's room.

Lexa made her way into her room, stripping off what armor she could before standing at the window, gazing out at the city.

Raven swung the door open like she owned the place and stepped inside, eyes quickly scanning the larger room. Not seeing Lexa right away Raven moved further in until she saw her and she knew this was exactly where she wanted to be. She moved towards her with a much easier stride and came to a standstill right in front of her. Raven raised both hands to cup Lexa's cheeks. "If I had a chance to redo this, I'd still pick this. And I love you."

Lexa wouldn't look at the girl in front of her. Her cheeks were wet slightly, but she held her posture.

"Look at me Lex." Raven's voice was low and soothing, thumbs wiping away some of the wetness.

She slowly brought her eyes up to meet the brown eyes in front of her, another round of tears welling up in her eyes.

"I haven't been very fair to you, have I?"              

"What do you mean?" There was a slight tremor in her voice as she blinked back what tears she could.

"I don't think I took into consideration what you felt about all of this.”

"What I felt?" Lexa sniffled, the tears vanishing.

Nodding, Raven pulled them closer together. "Yeah, what you felt. I forced you to tell me how you feel about me just to hurt Clarke but I never considered anything beyond that."

"I do love you...but I love Clarke too. It's not..." Lexa pulled in a deep breath, calming herself.

"Love?" Ravens voice shook. "Love as in _not loved_? If I hadn't finally kissed you yesterday would you…if she told you she wanted you back, you'd probably be standing here with her?"

"Raven..." Lexa didn't wish to speak about this, but she had stayed quiet long enough. "I had no idea the way you felt, so yes."

"Yes?" Raven drops her hands like she'd been burned with fire. "You said you wanted this! And that was why you…I even gave you an out to make it just about…" Raven covered her mouth so the rest of the words didn't spill out.

Now it was Lexa's turn to cup her face. "Like I said, I had no idea the way you felt for me. That is why I never acted. Then yesterday you pulled me in, and I though for just a second you did feel that way too. And then you said it and I knew. I knew I could finally move on."

"That's not-" Raven swatted the hands away. "I can't do this again, Lexa! You don't move on because someone else comes along, you move on because you're _done_!" Twisting out from between the windows and Lexa, Raven poked herself in the chest while backing away. "I can't do this..."

"Raven... _ai hodnes_..." The tears in her eyes started up again, some spilling over onto her cheek.

"Why couldn't you just fuck me and leave it at that?" At least Clarke didn't even know I existed when she fucked my boyfriend!" Raven reached the door and ripped it open before stumbling unsteadily out into the hall.

Lexa's fists and jaw clenched as the tears continued to spill over down her cheeks. How had, in one day, everything gone from being on top of the world to being dragged through the mud?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah...these next couple chapters get kind of emotional...fair warning...  
> But we will make sure that the smut returns! (eventually)  
> -ADCT


	12. Chapter 12

"Clarke?" Raven pushed her way into her friend’s room. She knew that even though the situation involved them both, Clarke wouldn't turn her away. Raven stopped moving when she saw the blonde turn from the windows to face her. "I didn't- with her…I didn't mean to hurt you."

Clarke walked over to where Raven was and placed her hands on her arms. "Raven, none of this was your fault. It was all hers."

Pitching forward to curl herself into Clarke's chest, a muffled sob was all Raven had in her at that very second.

Clarke hugged the girl against her, listening to the sobs against her chest. Inside, she was _fuming_. Hadn't she just told Lexa that if she hurt Raven...Shaking it off for now, Clarke gently led Raven over to sit on the couch.

"I'm sorry. I should have talked to you first." Raven's voice was coming out so soft and small as she had leaned down, putting her head in Clarke's lap. It was just an unspoken comfort between them and it was what she needed in that moment.

"Shh, I told you it's not your fault. She can be manipulative. It's their culture, how they survive." Clarke ran her hand through Raven's hair, comforting her. “She knew you were one of my people too. Not only that, one of my best friends. She should have never gotten this far.”

"I just wanted her to love me." Yawning through her last few words, Raven pushed her face into the softness of Clarke's stomach before dozing off.

Clarke carefully stood, placing a pillow under Raven's head before heading out of the room and heading up to where she knew Lexa would be.

Barreling passed the guards posted outside the Commanders room, Clarke was inside and slamming the doors behind her like she was possessed. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Lexa?!"

Lexa did not turn from her position at the window. She hadn't moved since Raven left the room.

With a growl Clarke picked up one of the smaller wooden chairs and heaved it in Lexa's direction. The leg of it catching her arm before splintering against the wall. "I _just_ warned you. Is this some sort of game to you?"

Lexa grabbed her arm and turned to face her. "You think I wanted this? _Any_ of this? Do you _really_ think I wanted to hurt either of you?"

Clarke was in Lexa's personal space before either of them could blink. At first the sight of tears tracks down the Commanders face made pause and then it only enraged her more. "What did you say to her?"

"I told her the truth. And it hurt her. I never meant-" Lexa swallowed hard. She refused to cry in front of Clarke while all of this was going on, but inside her emotions were waging a war against her.

" _What_ truth Lexa?" Clarke had her eyes shut tight as the fingers of her left hand twitched near the handle of her dagger.

"That I love you too. I told her I had no idea she felt the same way about me. She asked me if you had come back to me before this thing between Raven and I started...I would've gone back to you. But not anymore." The tears flowed freely now down her face.

Clarke felt her heart twist with every new word that came from Lexa's mouth. "You told her…after what you knew?" Taking a few measured breaths to calm down enough resist the urge to slam the handle of the dagger into Lexa's mouth. "I warned you. How? Tell me how you would have thought any of that was okay?"

"I didn't want to hide anything from her...I didn't want to lie..." The tears streaking down her face started dripping onto her shirt. "Maybe you shouldn't have saved me. Maybe you should've left the bullet inside me and let me die. No one else would've gotten hurt if you did."

"Oh we've moved on to self-pity. That's a new one for you." Shoving Lexa back and away from herself, Clarke turned to walk away. "Answer one thing for me."

"What?" Lexa's voice was soft, barely audible.

"Which one of us do you _want_  to fall asleep next to…tonight?" Clarke waited a moment before turning her icy blue eyes on Lexa to wait for her answer. "If you even need time to think about that…"

"Raven." Lexa did not hesitate. Not once. She knew Clarke could be strong and move on, but like she had said earlier, Raven was...sensitive. She couldn't leave her.

Clarke nodded her head in repeat acceptance of what she already knew. "I don't care what it is that you have to do but you better fix this."

Lexa barely moved from the spot, only whispering. "Is she..."

"You have _one_ more chance Lexa. One. I left her in my room."

Wiping her face, Lexa nodded and walked out of the room, heading back downstairs to find her.

Having woken up to an empty room Raven blinked grogginess away wondering how long she had been asleep and why Clarke wasn't there.

Lexa approached the room, stopping right outside and gently knocking on the door.

Raven looked at the door but remained sitting. It wouldn't have been Clarke because it was her room and Anya wasn’t going to be knocking that lightly. "Go away Lexa!" She took a chance.

Lexa didn't move, but knocked again, lighter. She knew this would be hard.

"Clarke isn't here!" she growled at the still closed door from her seat.

"I'm here for you." Lexa could hear the anger in her voice, but she couldn't just give up. She wasn't going to let this last chance slip away.

Raven turned the knob pulling the door open wide enough for Lexa to pass through. "What now? More declarations of your love for Clarke?"

"Raven..." Lexa's eyes were puffy from crying, her face still red. Little water drops were still visible on her shirt.

Without thinking Raven lifted her hands to Lexa's face cupping one side and thumbing the wetness away from the other. Her insides calming at the touch, eyes closed.

"I'm sorry..." Lexa whispered before she wrapped her arms around the girl's waist and buried her face in her neck, another round of tears spilling over.

The last day has Raven feeling like her mind was on the verge of shutting down, more like imploding. The ups and downs just wouldn't stop but she also couldn't deny this. The feeling of being in Lexa's arms far surpassed the best things she'd even known before. Wrapping her arms around Lexa felt right. Even with the back and forth this just felt like it should be happening.

It took her a couple minutes to cry everything out. Usually she would never shed a tear, but something about all this...with Clarke, with Raven...It felt right. She could let down her walls and allow them in.

Gently pulling Lexa's head back, Raven again cupped her face. Thumbs brushing lightly to both soothe the girl and dry her face.

She was breathing heavily, composing herself from the silent sobs that had taken over. "I never meant to hurt you..."

"Maybe we should try for less of that in the future hmm?" Raven's eyes remained as unreadable as possible. She mostly wanted Lexa to understand…We. That was what she wanted. A we.

Lexa nodded, sniffling. _We_ , she had said. They would definitely try for a _we_.

"You still want that?" Holding her breathe, Raven waited.

"Of course, _ai hodnes."_ Lexa grabbed one of her hands and squeezed it gently, a smile finally peeking through on her face.

Oh that smile. Raven didn't even know it but she'd been living for it lately. It was like the sun on a dark day and Raven crazed it. And now she couldn't hold back. Raven's smile spread over every bit of her face and reached her eyes.

Seeing Raven finally smile helped the rest of the tension in Lexa's body melt away as she cupped her cheeks with her hands. "Shall we head back upstairs?"

"Up the stairs. Sure why not more stairs." She pressed her face to the side needing to keep the contact a little bit longer.

"Would you rather have me carry you upstairs?" Lexa rubbed her thumb across Raven's cheek.

"While there are times I do enjoy your displays of strength… _physically_ I don't need you to carry me up any steps." the truth of her words only made Raven smile wider. And it felt so damn good to smile. "But that doesn't mean I won't complain."

"So...is that a no then?" Lexa chuckled. She knew Raven was strong enough but at the same time, she wanted to help where she could.

"Fine" she let out with a playful huff. This felt good. And light and easy. And whatever... She really liked feeling the girl's sculpted body against hers.

In a second, Lexa had already picked up the girl and began walking down the hallway towards the stairs, holding her close against herself.

Burying her face in Lexa's hair near her ear, Raven inhaled what she could only describe as only Lexa. It was slightly minty with a hint of smoke and earth. "If anyone ever asks I'm telling them I protested the whole time."

"Of course, _ai hodnes_. You were kicking and screaming the whole time." Lexa turned her head and placed a soft kiss on Raven's forehead, chuckling to herself.

"You laugh but more people would believe that."

"Then that is our story." At the top of the stairs, Lexa placed Raven back down on her feet.

Raven immediately leaned into Lexa needing to keep the connection between them. "Our. I like that."

A hand snaked around her waist as Lexa pulled them towards the doors leading into her bedroom. She opened one, peeking into the room quickly.

Not having enough warning with the sudden stop, Raven bumps into the Lexa. "What's wrong?"

"Sorry, I just didn't know if Clarke was still up here. But we're alone," she said, opening the door and pulling Raven into the room.

"Why was she _in_ here in the first place?" Raven's brows lifted. Surprisingly she wasn't feeling jealous but there was still a knee-jerk reaction. Sure she would easily admit to trusting Clarke but it would take more time to trust that the Commander of everyone as far as the eye could see wanted and loved her. That just doesn't happen. Not to Raven anyway. "You know what, it doesn't matter."

"When she came to talk to me...I assume after you went to her. We were in here, that's it...oh." Lexa had forgotten about the chair Clarke threw.

The size of the smirk that played across Raven's face alone. Then the laugh she had to cover up with her hand. "So…Clarke was here? And she did that." Raven literally felt like she was floating and that was as saying something since she knew what that actually was.

"She did manage to hit my arm with it before it shattered against the wall, so the aim wasn't terrible. I'm sometimes glad Skaikru wasn't trained like I was, with how many things you throw around."

"You know if she heard you-" the girl was near doubled over with laughter, her words rising and falling as she clutched at her sides, "-she would do it again and then challenge you to something like a spitting contest."

Lexa chuckled at the girl. "That is the truth. She is very strong willed, I will say that. I would prefer to not be on the receiving end of her attacks."

"I guess we're a package deal." Raven wiggled her brows as she brushed passed Lexa to lay herself out along the couch. Anything more than Clarke being protective of her would have been misinterpreted.

"Apparently. And I learned that the hard way." Lexa smiled. "So have we forgotten work for the day in favor of just relaxing?"

"Relaxing…" Raven sat up and gave Lexa the come hither fingers, sweet smile playing across her features.

Slowly she made her way over to the couch where Raven laid sprawled out, watching her.

"So what do couples in your culture do to make up after a…misunderstanding..?" Leaning back on her elbows, Raven maintained her sweet smile but her voice was a little lower in pitch.

"Usually something to make up for it. For example, men are punished by their wives and forced to do hard labor."

Grabbing the hem of her shirt and lifting to just under the curve breasts, Raven held the green eyes above her. "Describe hard labor?"

"I was only joking, but I like this version. Shall we move to the bed?"

"I think it should be-" shirt moves an inch higher "-strictly-" higher "-en _forced_."

Lexa's breath caught in her throat at the slow, enticing movements. How had they been fighting not long ago? "We can arrange that. I am _Heda_ after all."

"Are you going to stand there...?" Leaving the hem of the shirt right above the swell of her breasts Raven walked her fingers down to the button of her pants and popped it open.

"If I remember correctly, you said the couch was too small. And you also called my bed quite large..." All of Lexa's self-control was working overtime to prevent her from pouncing on the girl. Each movement was calculated and was definitely getting the desired reaction out of her.

"I did-" Raven pulled the zipper down, her fingers dipping down into her boy shorts, "-say that."

"Then we...should move there..." Lexa was too far passed the point of reasoning. If it could have happened, she would have thoroughly believed her brain had melted.

"I seem to be too busy-" She had one hand cupping her herself over her bra and the other sinking lower into her pants. When she pulled her hand back it out there was visible wetness coating her fingers, "-to move right now."

Lexa growled and picked the girl up off the couch in one move. " _Mine_ ," she growled.

“ _Yours,_ " she growled back, " _All yours_."


	13. Chapter 13

Lexa quickly made her way over to the bed, dropping Raven onto it and climbing on top of her. Her lips crashed into Raven's, hungrily nipping and sucking at her lip.

Raven turned her head to the side to catch her breath and tug at Lexa's shirt. "Too much clothing!"

Before her sentence was even finished Lexa's shirt was gone and her hands were busy with Raven's. Once that had joined her own on the ground she quickly yanked down her pants before pulling them off completely.

Raven's hands moved to the hook in the back then tossed the bra over the side of the bed. Her breathing was so heavy causing her own chest to lift and drop like it was begging to be touched. Which it really was. She loved everything about how Lexa touched her but having Lexa's fingers kneading the flesh there was like a promise or what else was coming.

Lexa ran her hands up the smooth stomach underneath her before kneeling over Raven, trying to unbuckle her own pants. Her movements were sloppy, and she growled at how much effort it was taking to get out of them.

"Need some help with that _Commander_?" Swatting Lexa's hands and fumbling fingers away Raven managed to yank and tug open buckles and buttons and finally slide down her zipper.

" _Off_." She couldn't even form sentences at this point. Just words. Commands. Anything that would help her relieve the need that currently sat between her hips. Every muscle ached to be touching the girl under her and to have her touch the red-hot skin.

Something inside Raven wanted to rile Lexa up even more. See just how far she could go and how close to the edge she could push. Putting her hand against Lexa's shoulders, Raven locked her arm trying to hold her there. "I don't think you want it- this enough Lexa."

Lexa grabbed both of Raven's wrists and pinned them to the bed above her head before her mouth found its way to her neck. Ignoring the marks that already blemished the skin, her lips and teeth attacked bare areas, leaving red marks in its wake.

Everything inside the mechanic felt like it was on fire. The stinging ache from the bites to her neck and the throbbing to her clit that was going to need attention very soon. Raven had liked it a little rough in the past but never like this. Truthfully she really wanted to keep pushing. Testing both their limits. Bring out the Commander side of Lexa. "I'm starting to believe you," she panted out.

Lexa raised her head and pressed her forehead against Raven's, staring into her with blown out pupils. Not even a second later her mouth was advancing down Raven's chest, marking up the skin of her collarbones, until she reacted her breasts. On each one, she bit down on the soft skin, letting it bruise up before her tongue would dart out over it to soothe the flesh.

All sound momentarily died on Ravens tongue. Lexa's mouth continued to amaze her as a rush of fluids raced to her core and threatened to spill out. Finally gaining back her voice, she girl let out a long moan to match the nails she dragged down Lexa's back.

Her mouth and body moved without her brain even thinking as her lips and teeth kissed and nipped every inch of exposed flesh. Looking back up at Raven, Lexa maintained eye contact as her teeth grabbed onto the clothing in the way of her prize as she dragged them down the long legs with her mouth.

Raven stopped breathing. Seeing Lexa...doing _that_...her brain felt the top of it was fighting to burst through her skull. Her fingers gripped into the furs beneath them. Raven knew if she didn't hold onto something, _anything_ she would fall over the edge. Barely even touched and she already felt like she was falling over the edge. " _Jok_ " was all she could say while she stared.

She didn't even touch them with her hands. Still using her mouth, she threw them off to the side before gently spreading Raven's legs. Her head dipped back down and began marking the skin again, starting at her knees and working her way up her thighs.

"Fuck" she repeated as she watched and held tighter to the furs. Every nip and bite caused her wetness to drip just a little bit more. "I need you-" she panted “-your mouth higher."

Ignoring anything Raven was saying, Lexa's mouth made its way up the inside of her thighs, then around to the top and up to her hips, but never near her core. She managed to pull off momentarily and climb her way back up, holding herself up over Raven and asking, "Do you think I want this enough now?"

"What?" she blinked up at Lexa, her words not even registering. "Why did you stop?"

"You questioned me, saying that I didn't want this enough...what about now?" Lexa brought one of her thighs up in between Raven's legs before rubbing up against the slickness that resided there.

"You do…I want this-" the second she felt the contact Raven was grinding down hoping to relieve some of the tension that had been building. "I probably want this enough for the both of us. _Fuck_ just touch me with your hands or whatever you want…" Raven couldn't stop her hips from pushing down, she felt the way her juices coated Lexa's thigh and that made her moan even more.

Lexa smirked before allowing herself to leave a trail of light kisses down Raven's chest and stomach before her tongue finally found its way into her dripping core.

Ravens hand flew down to hold Lexa's hand the second she felt tongue. She didn't even care. She wanted every bit of this and there was no reason to be shy and timid. Talking was a task in and of itself but she was able to finally stutter out her request. "Inside me Commander. I want your tongue inside me now."

For what seemed like the first time since they had entered the room, Lexa finally obeyed. Her tongue lapped at the opening a few times before sliding inside of her core and curling up.

Raven knew there was some sort of grunting and she was positive she groaned a few times but slapping of the headboard was entirely new. And she again didn't even care. Lexa had her magical mouth licking into her and that was all she could think of. That and how she was already so close. She was always so close now. Just kissing made her center clench.

Lexa's hand trailed up Raven's thigh, the tips of her fingers gently breezing past the skin before her thumb made contact with one swollen and throbbing clit before rubbing it in circles.

"Just like that okay." Raven’s movements almost came to a stop once she felt tightening in the pit of her stomach. Her hands fell to her breasts, fingers lightly kneading into herself. "Just- I'm gonna cum okay…don't stop" The words were hardly silenced before she felt the burst run up her spine and liquids seeping from her core.

At that moment, Lexa curled her tongue up just enough to reach that front wall, right on that sweet spot she knew drove Raven mad. Her thumb pressed harder into its circles around her clit, knowing that she would come undone quickly.

How Raven was able to keep her eyes open and keep them on Lexa she didn't know but watching was all it took to help her slip over the edge and then again in rapid succession. "I don't know what I'm going to-" she panted while trying to catch her breath. "-when I have to leave because I'm going to start needing this more and more."

Once Lexa had sat up and wiped off her nose and chin she chuckled. "You told me to give you incentives to come back. Are these not good enough?"

Raven pops up on her elbows and looks at Lexa with a weak laugh. "You honestly think I'm not coming back, Lex? Christ! I was with Finn for two years and in those two years he didn’t give me as many orgasms as you have in the past three weeks."

"Oh, I know you're coming back. At this point, I'm trying to make you so weak for me you'll want to come back the moment you set foot outside of Polis," she smirked, climbing over and planting a quick kiss on her lips.

Raven flopped down on her back, hands stretching up above her head. "I don't know Lex. That doesn't sound like a very _Commander_ -ish statement." A light laugh filled the room until her hands felt the rope she had been tied with the night before. Clearing her throat, Raven looked up at the two ends then back to Lexa.

"Yes?" Lexa's hand were tracing patterns along the taut skin of Raven's stomach, occupying herself. She hadn't been watching what Raven was doing.

"Lex?" Raven cleared her throat again while tugging at the ropes testing their strength even though she knew. Her shoulder would have popped sooner than the ropes.

Lexa looked up, meeting the brown eyes beneath her. "Yes? What is it?"

"So…you like this?" She nodded her head up a tiny bit.

Looking up, Lexa finally saw the ropes. "Oh, that. I, um...haven't done it much before. Just with you and...one other time."

Raven whipped her head down to look at Lexa so fast she felt a twinge in her neck. "One oth-" No. There was no way. Her brain would not let this rest. There would always be this competitive _thing_  with Clarke. Having had Lexa tell her she was better at certain sexual things the night before only spurred her brain into over drive. "What-" her eyes moved back and forth between Lexa and the rope again "-but this is something you…like? Enjoy?"

"I enjoyed it, yes." Lexa hadn't noticed the change in Raven's voice.

" _What_ do you like…or enjoy about it?"

"Why are you asking so many questions, _ai hodnes_?" Lexa chuckled.

"Curious. I was just wondering about the things you _enjoy_ and what things get you off. It has been a couple months and you still have it here."

Lexa shrugged. "I'm open to trying things. You Skaikru have interesting tastes that I wish to explore."

Raven let the rope go after leaning her head back down into the pillows. "Us Skaikru?" She had known Clarke was the one with _interesting taste_ from just talking to her about it in the past. Now though, now her brain was kicking into overdrive and words were just tumbling from her mouth. "She tied you to the bed? To this bed?"

"Raven...I don't want to talk about..." Lexa hesitated. She knew how upset Raven had gotten before when she had mentioned Clarke, and she didn't want any more slipups.

"I just want to know what you like. What pleases you. What turns you on. Or what you might want to do or try." Raven lifted her head and watched Lexa.

"Well...it was interesting being tied to the headboard." Lexa pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and looked at Raven, her pupils growing large again.

"Interesting how?" her voice coming out low and gravely.

“Not having any control…it was different." She couldn't exactly say whether it was being tied down that time or Clarke taking full control that helped her to one of the best orgasms she had ever had (before the ones Raven gave her, of course).

Raven shifted out from beneath Lexa and sat up onto her knees. "What else do you want _Commander_?”

Lexa flipped herself over, laying on her back and propping herself up on her elbows. "I want you to take control this time."

Raven was moving to straddle Lexa's hips before she'd even finished her sentence. She had her bindings undone and pulled off. The sight of Lexa's chest made her inside heat back up in a hurry. Kissing a path along her jawline to her ear was giving Raven the time she needed to decide her next move. "I can do that. But first I want to know what it has been like wearing-" she ground down on the dildo, moaning into Lexa. "-this?"

"I forgot that was there." Lexa's head tilted to the side, allowing access to that side of her face. Raven grinding on her felt heavenly, especially when the harness began to rub against her.

"I know what it feels like to be ridden while wearing this harness." Raven was biting and nipping her ear and the side of her neck. "I know the way it rubs over your clit and how fucking good it feels."

At this point Lexa could only nod. She love the feeling of Raven's teeth digging into her skin and the way her mouth felt on her.

"I don't think I did my job properly this morning-" she kept up her assault on Lexa's neck, licking over bites to soothe them "-and you're still wearing a little something. Take care of that for me."

She could seem to pull the last bits of clothing between them off fast enough as she groaned at the newly formed marks on her neck.

Sitting up to admire her newest markings left Raven with a smile that quickly faded to a smirk. It took moment to adjust but Raven had spun herself around and moved so she was straddling Lexa's face. Leaning back far enough so she could look Lexa is the eyes, Raven tweaked a nipple before talking. "You get to use that magical mouth on me again until I'm ready to ride you. I'll be-" she took a deep breath, leaned forward and blew out over the skin right above the harness and lowered herself as close to Lexa's mouth as she could without suffocating her. "-sucking your dick getting you nice and wet and ready for me."

Lexa moaned at the words, but she couldn't help the whimper that escaped her lips as she leaned up and starting lapping up as much of the juices as she could before starting her assault at Raven's clit.

Raven blew out another long breath on the taught skin above the line of the harness before taking the tip of the dildo between her lips with a loud moan.

The small shift of the harness caused another moan to vibrate in Lexa's mouth as it sucked onto her clit. Her hands kneaded the skin of Raven's ass, only adding to the stimulation.

"Lex…" Raven shifted forward to pull herself from the girl's mouth. "I want you to grab both ends of the rope as high as you can and don't let go. If you do, I stop. And I know for a fact that you like this. Got it?" She waited for answer, blowing out more heated air between her legs.

Pouting, she reached up above her head and grabbed the rope, looping it around her hands once for good measure.

“I need to hear you.”

“Got it.”

Pushing herself back to where she had been, Raven again took the tip into her mouth tugging it and the harness upwards.

Another moan, much louder this time, came barreling out of Lexa's throat before her tongue and lips went back to work. It was harder without her hands leveraging her, but Lexa was not one to give up on a challenge.

Raven couldn't help the way her hips began to rock and cant. She loved everything about the way Lexa used her tongue on and inside of her. The way she reached that spot nobody else could. Raven had only done this exact position one other time and had hated it. This time was a different story. Lexa knew how to work up her and Raven couldn't do anything but grind her face while lowers her own mouth down onto the dildo making sure to pull up on the harness again.

This time Lexa threw her head back in a whimper. Her clit was throbbing against the harness.

Feeling the loss of Lexa's mouth to her core Raven pulled away from the dildo with a pop and lifted herself up and off the girl. She had been so close to cumming again. Raven was starting to think Lexa had some sort of map to her body and knew all the perfect places to touch her. Crawling her way down so she could settle down between Lexa's legs, Raven trailed a line of wet kisses and harsh nips along her thighs.

" _Jok_ ," Lexa cried out, the nips against her skin shooting straight to her core.

Raven chuckled against Lexa's folds, the harness pulled up and out of the way so she could run her tongue from entrance to the spot right above her clit.

Lexa's muscles were burning. She was tugging on the ropes as hard as possible.

"Do you like that Commander?" Raven breathed out, lips ghosting over her clit. Slowly she ran one hand up and down the length above her head to keep it pulled out of the way.

"Yes," she hissed out, head thrown back.

"Keep your eyes open and on me." Raven slid two fingers knuckle deep then stilled. Her lips continued to barely make contact.

Slowly, Lexa raised her head and glanced down at the girl between her legs. Just looking at her almost pushed her over the edge.

Raven began to pump in and out of Lexa. The tight heat already choking her fingers that the thought of adding a third made her exhale a soft moan. She started a rhythm of pushing in and dragging her tongue from side to side, pulling out and sucking the girl’s clit into her mouth until she felt the clenching.

She couldn't keep her head up any longer as she rolled it back against the pillows, a strangled cry emerging from her throat as she clamped down on Raven's fingers.

Raven pulled her fingers out and moved her mouth away. "If you can't follow orders _commander_ I won't waste my time."

The whine coming out of Lexa's throat was almost humiliating. She struggled to lift her head and look down at Raven, the green in her eyes totally blown out by her pupils.

"That's better." Raven let her eyes roam the length of the girl laid out before her. It still blew her mind. Lexa could have anyone she wanted yet she wanted Raven the same way Raven wanted her. Letting her emotions role through her, raven moved her mouth back over the girl’s clit and eased three fingers tortuously slow all the way back inside of her. The push and pull pace was more so she could watch Lexa. See how it was affecting her.

Lexa was so far gone at this point. Her eyes wide, panting heavier than if she just walked out of a battle. Every single movement went racing through her, landing right in her core. It was as if Raven knew exactly where to touch or curl, exactly what spot Lexa wanted to be touched.

Raven kept her fingers moving just slow enough to keep Lexa on edge. She felt her walls spasm but wanted to drag it out just a little longer. Pulling her mouth away from the straining bud, Raven licked her lips and Looked Lexa right in the eyes. "I have one question for you and if you answer me I'll let you cum." She slowed her pace a little bit more, fingers pushing against her front wall with every pull outward. "Tell me something you've always wanted to do or something you've recently found yourself wanting… _sexually_ …anything at all. If I told you I'd let you do whatever you wanted what would it be…hmm?" Raven thrust her fingers back in and pulled them out again while she waited. She sped up her thrusts and returned her mouth to the girl's clit.

Lexa managed to control herself for just a second, a smirk spreading across her face. "I've always wanted to have sex somewhere _very_ public. With you? I want to push you up against a wall and fuck you senseless _in public_."

Raven wrapped her lips around Lexa's clit and suckled the way she had done the night before and caused the girl to come. Fingers picked up their pace and Raven was pounding into the girl, curling and reaching as far as she could. Raven needed Lexa to cum and much as Lexa needed to cum.

Her lips were what sent Lexa over the edge, crying out as her head was thrown back against the pillows and her back arched up off the bed. She could feel the rush of heat running up her spine and the rush of juices from her core.

Raven licked all around her reddened bud and through her folds trying to get every drop of the nectar. She slowed her fingers just enough to help her ride the waves but not to push Lexa over the edge again. Once satisfied she'd drank all should could, Raven crawled up onto Lexa until she had her center hovering over dildo. "Don't let the rope go just yet."


	14. Chapter 14

Lexa could only nod. That orgasm hit her harder than most and she felt drunk off of it. Her head was fogged, her breath ragged, eyes half lidded as she watched the girl above her.

Leaning down Raven smashed her lips against Lexa's, swirling her tongue deep into her mouth. She wanted to share the taste that was making her own mind dizzy and drunk.

Lexa eagerly kissed back, sucking the tongue into her mouth, pulling every drop of taste she could off of it.

"I've never tasted anything quite like you Lex." She half whispered while pulling away from the kiss. "When you say _very_ public…?"

"As public as we can get. Slip away from the crowd in between two houses....behind a market stall...anything."

"Let go of the ropes now and guide me down on your dick." Raven had leaned in and was kissing a path from Lexa's lips to her neck and back.

Almost immediately, Lexa's hands flew from the rope to Raven's hips. She stopped, though, and looked down at the girl before slowly guiding her down onto it.

The stretch alone was enough to make Raven moan but she way Lexa was holding onto her while she rose and fell had her insides boiling. "So you want to fuck me with the possibility of someone seeing- fuck this feels amazing- seeing us?"

"A _very_ high possibility," she whispered. Before, she had just thought about fucking out Raven's brains, but instead she decided to make this feeling last and drive her crazy.

"Anyone specific?"                                                                                     

"Everyone."

Raven lifted and dropped making sure to grind down just enough to cause pressure against Lexa. "So you're saying that if a certain ex saw us-" she increased the pressure as she rolled and canted her hips "-that wouldn't get you off more?"

"Mm, maybe it would. Maybe we'll have to find a spot she'll pass by frequently."

Raven ran her fingers down Lexa's arms, the feel defined muscles and old healed scars were like a drug at that moment and she was almost sure she felt Lexa holding herself back. "The thought of that is making your mind crazy isn't it _commander_? Don't…don't hold back."

"Mm, it is, but I want to make this feel _nice_."

"All orgasms are _nice_ Lex."

"Shh, _ai hodnes._ Sex doesn't have to be just about the endgame. The road there is what makes it special."

Raven placed her hands on Lexa's chest and sat up so she could look the girl in her eyes. Hips slowed to an almost stop. Raven heard the words Lexa said but she wasn't sure she was comprehending. This was not what people said to her. "Wha...what?" she blinked down at her.

Lexa's hand went to the back of Raven's neck as she pulled the girl back down and flipped them around. "Sometimes you need to slow it down and enjoy the company given to you. The person who is letting every one of their walls down to let you in. Make a connection, one that you don't want to break."

Raven instantly felt a jolt of panic run through her body. Yes she wanted everything Lexa had said. She needed it. She wanted to unzip herself and let Lexa see every part of her but that was the thing...she didn't know how. What if she left herself completely bare and it wasn't…No she couldn't fuck this up. "I'm not sure how to do that." Raven let her eyes flutter closed when the emotions finally caught up with her.

"Then I will help you." It came out as barely a whisper as Lexa brought her lips down to meet Ravens, gently. Her hips slowly pulled back and then rolled forward, starting the motions.

All Raven could do was nod into the kiss and let herself be taken mentally and not just physically. She let herself _feel_ with her whole body instead of concentrating on how fast she could be fucked and made to cum every time they had sex. Wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck, Raven was ready to actually let herself be loved by Lexa. "Okay. Just go slow?"

"Of course, _ai hodnes_." Lexa's hand found its way to the girl's cheek, her thumb gently caressing her cheekbone.

Raven leaned into the caress. It wasn't the first time bit it felt like it was the most important even after the emotional morning they had but it still didn't take away the feelings of vulnerability that took root on the tip of her tongue. "Why?" her voice came out small and hesitant. "Why me?"

"You are everything I strive to be. Strong. Courageous. Determined. Empowered. I hope that I can learn that from you, and you can learn from me."

Raven knew who she was on the Ark and what she brought to the table in most situations but this was different. Being with Lexa was different. After getting to see her as a person, someone caring for her people and being their leader Raven had begun to understand that she wasn't just _The Commander_. That was when they had started to spend more time together in the Capitol. Raven had been brought in to teach the grounders about the scrap tech they had collected by the tons. And this extended to Lexa. Raven had been looking forward to every minute they spent together since their second meeting. So now, when she was beneath her commander she was terrified and ready all in once. She wanted this. Wanted it more than she even knew yet.

"Is that what you really see?" Wrapping her arms tight around Lexa's back, Raven let her eyes roam every inch of the girls face committing it to memory for the hundredth time.

"It is what I have seen since our first meeting. I had heard stories about your successes and achievements, but when I saw you, I saw everything I said. I saw the face behind the stories."

Raven's eyes blinked back tears, lips quivering. She could build a bomb. A radio. Rewire the damn dropship and probably get it ready for relaunch if it hadn't been charred but this…Lexa…Having her looking down at Raven at that very moment was not something she was even a little but prepared to handle. "I want this, you" She choked out. "I don't know _how_."

"Shh, _ai hodnes_. Just as I have things to learn from you, there are things you can learn from me as well. And I am willing to teach you." She slowly lowered herself again, pressing gentle kisses against her lips, soothing away the tremors.

Raven couldn't hold the tears back anymore. Not wanting to break the kiss she held as tight as she could to keep Lexa in place but once she tears fell the sob started in the back of her throat.

The hand still around the back of Raven's neck pulled her in close to Lexa's neck, her mouth placing gentle kisses on the side of her head as she embraced the girl.

"I don't want to leave." She exhaled heavily, loosening her hold around the girl. "I don't want to not- the last time…" A new round of tears spilled from her eyes.

"Shh, don't think about that. Think about us, right here, right now. It's only us."

"And then I won’t be here. I won't and I love you and I've been here before and then- like it's just easy to walk away from me. That's what people do. "

" _Ai hodnes_ ," she started, pressing her forehead against Raven's, her green eyes staring down into brown, "I will never just walk away from you. Even if I wanted to my heart wouldn't allow it."

"You can’t know that."

"I do know that. With every fiber of my being. Nothing would ever make me walk away from this. Ever."

Raven raised her head enough so she could press her lips to Lexa's. She heard the words and wanted them to be true but she'd heard them once before and well…Not true that time. She wasn't upset over _him_ anymore but it did leave a hole big enough for doubt to set up shop it.

Lexa leaned down into the kiss, her hips beginning to roll again. This time would be different. She was willing to put all her effort into loving the girl under her and not breaking her heart like had been done before.

"I gave all of my trust -myself- to someone once…but now, now I want everything _you_  say to be true because I don't think I could stop feeling this way about you even if I wanted to." Raven had whispered her words against Lexa's lips, her hands having traced the lines of her well-muscled shoulders up into the tangle of long brown locks.

"My mouth only speaks the truth. I could never hurt you in such a way, _ai hodnes_."

Raven slowly begins to get better control of her emotions, sniffling away her tears while she dips and licks her tongue over Lexa's lips. "Please..." And she didn't know what she wanted to say. 'Please don't' to not hurt her or 'Please don't' to not stop the slow grind that was starting reclaim her attention.

Lexa could only nod against her and recapture her lips in another soft, meaningful kiss.

Raven pulled out of the kiss, her head tilting back as she started to pant. "What are you doing to me Lex?" It wasn't a question but it was more. She didn't think there even would be an answer.

"See _ai hodnes_? It is not all about the end. Sex is just looking for the end. This," she brought herself close to Raven, her lips whispering right in her ear, "is what you would call _making love_."

The roll of Lexa's hips and the softer yet more insistent thrusts felt completely new to her. It wasn't like it had been before. It was nothing like it had been with anyone else. Lexa was doing more than just sliding an added extension of herself into Raven. Raven felt like her mind was being stroked. Her insides were melting and it still terrified her but she didn't want it to stop. Ever. "No one's ever- I mean not like this."

Lexa placed soft, gentle kisses along Raven's jaw, down towards her chin and then back up to her mouth. She knew how Raven was feeling, she was feeling the exact same way. Every roll of her hips ignited a new flame inside her. Every touch of skin sinking not to het core, but to her heart.

"Everything feels tingly…from the inside out-" Raven moved her hands through Lexa's hair, scratching lightly at her scalp before moving them down to her shoulders. Normally she would have dug her nails in but that didn't feel right this time. Instead she traced patterns up over her shoulder blade and down her back until reached the dip and swell of her ass. Up and down Raven just let her fingers trace and _feel_  the muscles of Lexa's back. "I feel you everywhere.”

"That is how it's supposed to be. It's not just pleasure, it's emotions and feelings too. Every piece of you feels it in a way you never have before."

"Is it the same for-" Raven's heed tilted back hard as a jolt ran throughout her entire body. "I'm almost there, I think…I'm not sure but this is…just don't stop okay?"

"I don't plan on stopping, _ai hodnes_." The rub of the harness was pushing her ever closer to the edge, but she wouldn't let herself go until she knew Raven was there.

"I'm there- I'm…god Lex." All Raven could do was hold on, stars and lights started to flash before her eyes. Her cries were mush softer than earlier but the force of the explosion had tears prickling the corners of her eyes. The way her core pounded and twitched had become the best feeling she had ever felt. Hands down. This was worth everything she'd ever been through just to feel this. " _God!_ I love you so damn much."

Hearing Raven topple over the edge sent Lexa flying over it as well. All she could do was bury her face in Raven's neck and let out a low, soft moan as new waves of pleasure slowly spread throughout her entire body.

Arms falling limply down to the furs, Raven felt like her body was boneless and quite possibly her brain might becoming liquid. Never had she felt something with every inch of her body. It was quickly becoming unsurprising that it would have been Lexa to bring her to that point. "Are you okay?" managing to lift her hand, Raven caressed Lexa's face softly, lips hovering right above her ear.

Slowly, Lexa pulled the harness out and rolled over, laying on her side next to the girl. "Better than okay," she said as her hand traced patterns along the taut muscles of Raven's stomach.

The bubble of laughter Raven let out came as such a surprise it caused her to laugh even louder. It wasn't that she was laughing at Lexa or even what happened but she felt so damn good. She wanted to stand on the bed and jump around and that feeling made her laugh again. Finally managing to catch her breath, Raven rolled onto her side so she was now facing Lexa, smiling and just _happy_. "Me too."

The smile on her face only made Lexa's smile grow. "It is quite an experience, one I would not want to share with anyone except you." Her hand came up and cupped Raven's cheek, her thumb brushing gently over the skin.

Raven leaned into the touch. Her mind was racing and she had to keep telling herself to relax or she would have started babbling about everything. Anything. Engineering things and grounder weapons. The way Lexa's eyes looked with the sun shining on them or the way Lexa's smile was enough to make raven want to sob but not sad tears. Raven felt drunk and the fact that it was Lexa who brought her to that point made it that much better. "You're going to make me fall for you all over again."

"That is my one and only goal, every single day I am alive on this earth." The light dancing through the window cast shadows along every inch of skin, accenting curves and dips and every other little detail. Lexa wanted to drink it all in, never moving from this spot.

"You really do mean that don't you?" Raven heard the words and couldn't say she doubted Lexa but more that she said them in the first place shocked her.

" _Sha, hodnes_. I only speak the truth." Lexa knew that it would be a long road. She knew how Raven had been broken and betrayed before, but she would never let that happen again. Especially not from her.

"Hmmm that’s just one of the amazing things you do with that mouth." Raven edged herself closer capturing Lexa's lips for a slow languid kiss.

Smiling into the kiss, Lexa finally felt at peace. The walls created by Heda had finally been knocked down, where she could for once just be _Lexa kom Trikru_.

"Can you…tell me that you- love me again?" The words were a little muffled and breathed out more than anything but she needed to hear it. Wanted to hear it. Not in a weak way, she just wanted to memorize the sound of Lexa saying it. The way her breath would feel against Raven's lips.

" _Ai hod yu in_ ," she breathed out against the soft lips in front of her, "I love you with every single fiber of my being, until the end of time itself."

"I think I could be happy here like this with you for-" The word caught in her throat. She wanted to say forever. She wanted more than to just _say_ it. But it was caught there for a moment of what ifs until it wasn't. Until she a nodded slightly and pushed her fear down. "-forever."

"I wish for that too. To stay in such a moment as this, nothing but us, _forever_."

"I'm going to remind you of that when you have to leave me alone in this huge bed all alone to go scare people at your meetings."

"And I shall remind you when you must return to Arkadia." She did not say it to hurt Raven. She wondered, maybe, if Raven would change her mind, but on the inside she knew that would not happen.

"That's not the same."

"You can come to the market anytime you want to see me or here…not that I'm assuming I'll be in here or anything…but you'll still be able to see me. I won't be able to do the same…is all I'm saying."

"You are always welcomed here in the tower, but yes. Please do not interrupt the meetings."

"Why would I do that? You're thoughts of me will _interrupt_ them all on their own. Raven walked her fingers along the space between them until she reached the right muscles right above her hip.

"They will indeed. The Ambassadors won't notice, but I will be teased by Anya for as long as I cannot focus." Her hand had not left Raven's cheek as she was still gently running her thumb along the curves.

"Anya…right. I'm pretty sure she growled at me the other day." Raven's fingers continued moving in little barely there circles over Lexa's hip. "And I'm pretty sure she has a thing for one of your… _Ambassadors_."

Lexa's head cocked to the side slightly. "Oh? How would you know that?"

"I'm not positive. But I wouldn't bet against..." Raven shook her head trying to rid herself of the thought. "You know what…I hope I'm wrong because I really don't want another round of 'Clarke describes how she...'" Raven's eyes flew up to meet Lexa's face. If she could have sucked her words back in at that moment.

Eyebrow cocked up, she looked at the girl, questioning. "Clarke describes how she...what, Raven?"

"How about we..." Raven pressed her fingers into the skin above Lexa's navel. Having already known what the girl was like in bed or at least with Clarke because this was beyond any of that.

"Raven, what did she tell you?" Lexa's free hand found her way to the hand on her stomach, intertwining their fingers.

"You." her voice croaked. "Liked it when she..." Nodding then shaking her head no, Raven couldn't believe she's said anything. Friends talked or bragged in Clarke's case but still. "It's nothing really."

"Enlighten me." Lexa's smile was genuine, not pushing. She wanted to know why Clarke would have been talking about her to Raven.

"That's what friends do..." she swallowed thickly. At the time it was a little awkward and Clarke has stopped but she still knew those few things and this was more awkward. "It doesn't really matter because…" but she just stared forward, not having an answer.

"Raven, either you'll tell me or I'll have to coerce the information out of you."

Coerce?" She wanted to toss Clarke off the tower for telling her about all the times she would make Lexa beg to fuck her. And then she wanted to toss herself off for mentioning it like an idiot.

"Mm, yes. I have some very _powerful_ interrogation techniques."

"Isn't that a little _harsh_ for someone you just made love to for the first time?"

"Harsh? You're the one bringing this on yourself. If you would just speak, none of this would have to happen."

Sucking in a breath then exhaling it, Raven figured it wouldn't really be that big of a deal. Neither of them could have known this would happen. "Okay well…She liked to talk about the way she would make you beg…to fuck her."

Lexa's face dropped. "She told you that?" It came out as barely a whisper.

Raven leaned on to press kisses to Lexa's forehead, pulling back just enough to talk. "Trust me, now I can see why is was a huge turn on."

"She swore to me...She said she wouldn't tell anyone..." Never before had Lexa felt betrayed like this. She had let her guard down for Clarke, opened up, was _weak_ for her, under the false pretenses that their secret would stay hidden.

"No Lex...Don't- it's not like that." Raven kisses a line down her nose to her lips and further down to her chin. " Some friends can talk about those things. And now I get it; why she was bursting at the seams to tell me."

"It doesn't matter. I can't be seen as weak like that...she promised..." It was more of a calm panic that set inside Lexa's head. _Friends_ did this? Who else would Clarke have told then?

"I don't think you're weak, Commander. We all usually have that one person that falls outside the lines of secrecy. "

"This is different...if she told you, who else?"

"Just me. Okay? No one else."

"Are you sure?"

Raven just nodded. She would kill Clarke of it wasn't true.

"Alright..." Lexa let out the breath she had been holding for what seemed like ages. It made her relax slightly.

"Being weak for someone doesn't make you weak, you know that right? Because the things you said while you made love to me and the way you touched me…I'm pretty weak for you."

Lexa bit her lip, pulling the skin as she nodded. She could admit to herself that she was weak. But out loud...she couldn't.

"You do know that you can't tell someone you love them and all the other things you said…and…" Raven shook her head again. This was quickly becoming a conversation she didn't want to be having. "I guess it's just different for _me_ to tell you that then.”

"Let just not think about it then...let us just enjoy the moment again." Lexa didn't want to hear anymore. Eventually she would figure everything out, but not right now.

"Right okay. Let's not…" Raven flopped over onto her back. The panic managing to creep back in and she didn't even understand how they were back to that.

Lexa's hand rested on Raven's stomach, drawing little patterns along the stretch of skin as she quietly hummed.

Raven slid away from Lexa's touch and sat up, her feet hanging over the edge of the bed. She knew she'd brought most of this on herself for blurting out what Clarke had said but why did she have to feel bad about it? That's just what friends did and Clarke did a lot of it. "I should really get back down to the workshop."

"Now? It's getting late, maybe you should just stay here and we'll have dinner instead."

"Yeah now" Raven stood from the bed collecting various pieces of clothing.

"Raven..." Lexa sat up and watched the girl, chewing at her lip again.

"Hm?" She had just pulled her shirt down over her head and was now working on tugging her pants up without losing her balance.

"Please stay." It wasn't an order, it was a request. A plea for the girl to come back and lay down.

Sitting back down to put her brace on Raven head wanted to stay _and_ go. If she could she would have split herself in half but that wasn't happening. "I still have so much work to do okay? And I have to get that done so I can come back-um here later if you want."

"Alright...I would like that. Will you be joining me for dinner again?"

"Maybe. If I get enough work done." Standing, Raven turned to look down at the naked girl laid out before. She would most likely kick herself for leaving but she needed to breathe. So much had happened between the day before and then that morning followed by whatever the hell kind of orgasm she just had.

"Alright..." Lexa could not hide the disappointment in her voice as she stood, scanning the room for her clothing.

Raven stepped into Lexa cutting off her search, eyes jumping between her lips and the green ones looking down at her. "I- I'll see you later."

Lexa nodded, then stepped around Raven before retrieving her clothes and beginning to dress herself again.

Finally in the hall Raven sagged against the wall letting out a breath she didn't even realize she was holding. Her emotions were all over the place and the harder she tried to get a handle on them the more they spiraled. There was only one person she wanted to talk even with the situation as it was she had to try.


	15. Chapter 15

Raven had knocked lightly on Clarke's door a few minutes later. She wasn't sure what she would say but she just needed to be there.

Clarke stood from the desk she currently sat and went to the door, opening it. "Raven?"

"Can I…if you aren't busy, can I come in?"

"Of course. What's up?" She stepped to the side, motioning her in. "What's wrong? Do I have to kick Lexa's ass again?"

Walking into the room with a more pronounced limp than usually, Raven couldn't help the slight blush that began to color her cheeks. "No no. I just wanted to see you."

"Oh, alright. How's your leg?" Clarke had a sneaking suspicion as to why she was limping more than usual.

"Funny thing about that." Laying herself out on the couch Raven waited for Clarke to take her usual spot on the end.

After closing the door, she quickly joined Raven on the couch. "Go on..."

Raven dropped her head down onto Clarke's lap and looked up at her. "Do you think this is going to have to change?"

"What do you mean?" Clarke absentmindedly began playing with Raven's hair like she usually did when they we're having long conversations.

"I don't know…is this okay- to want to be like this still?" The light hum Raven let out both relaxed and worried her.

"Of course this is okay. Why are you nervous?"

"I'm not nervous." Turning to push her face into the soft of Clarke's belly, Raven let out another low hum.

"Then what's wrong? You seem upset. You know you can tell me anything." Clarke relaxed back on the couch, curling Raven's hair around her finger.

"This is so awkward" She mumbled into Clarke. "And I want to tell you about everything and about what just happened and I don't know if it's just too soon or if it'll always be like this."

"What do you mean? You can talk to me."

"About _Lexa_! About _sex_ with Lexa!" Raven's words were still muffled but much louder. "I want to talk about what the hell just happened and I feel like a horrible person because of- ya know, you and everything."

"Oh." Clarke knew this would come about soon, but she pushed down the hurt feelings to let Raven speak her mind.

Pulling her face away to look up the blonde, Raven searched her face trying to gauge just how much damage she did. "I saw what you did- the chair." It was too soon and they both had to find a way to deal with it.

"I was only protecting you. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Do you think that's gonna be something I should worry about?"

"I mean...if Lexa took my threat seriously, probably not. But if it comes down to you or her people, you know what choice she's going to make."

"You can't just go around threatening people, Clarke." Raven hadn't expected Clarke to not say that but she still didn't like the sound of it. "And you already ensured that _we_ are her people." in a mostly absentmindedly way Raven took hold of the hand not in her hair and twined their fingers together, letting them rest on her stomach. It wasn't the first time raven had done it but it had been a while since the last.

"I don't want you getting hurt though. You know what her duty means to her."

"Maybe some people are worth it," she shrugged. I wouldn't be the best thing she could say to Clarke but it was how she felt about Lexa.

Clarke sighed, running her thumb over Raven's hand. "Be careful, okay?"

"I'm trying."

"Okay." Clarke stared off across the room, not at anything in particular.

"I should have told you. I should have said something when I- when things changed for me." Raven's words came out soft, almost hesitant as her eyes closed. "For that I'm sorry."

"Shh, you have nothing to be sorry about."

"I know you better than that."

"Raven, there's nothing to apologize for."

"I also know you want to toss me off you right now onto the floor." The playful grin Raven was giving Clarke felt good. She knew Clarke more than likely did want to toss her but also wanted to stay there. It was /their/ way of dealing with everything around them.

"If there were pillows on the ground yes. I wouldn't want to hurt you." She returned the grin, which quickly turned into a laugh. It felt good to finally be able to relax.

"I'm bionic now-" she knocked on the metal of the brace a few times. "You can try but I'm indestructible, Princess."

"So? Only your knee is, unless you're counting the fake dick too. Which, by the way, was extremely hot."

Raven nearly fell off the couch anyway with the burst of laughter that fell from her face. "How did I know that would be the thing you'd want to talk about?"

"Like I said, kinda hot. How'd Lexa take it?" Clarke chuckled herself, the grin on her face clear.

"Completely." Raven deadpanned.

Clarke's face looked stunned. "Really? Lexa the Lesbian liked the dick?"

"Clarke!" She stifled her laughter as much as she could. "Like I said, completely."

"And I thought I had seen it all..." Clarke didn't attempt to hold back her laugh.

"Oh you didn't."

"Well I got a pretty good view of her ass and you having a nice little meal."

Raven sat up so fast she felt dizzy. "A _nice little meal_?"

Clarke only winked at her before bursting out another laugh. The scene she walked in on was one she was never going to forget, even if she tried.

"Meh, could have been you if ya played your cards right." Raven poked Clarke in the sides as she stood. She hadn't expected whole blow job and walk in thing to come up but they were laughing together and Raven could breathe just a bit easier.

"You feeling better now?" Once Clarke was able to catch her breath and wipe the tears from her eyes, she looked up at Raven with a smile.

"In so many ways."

"Good." Clarke smiled again. She only wanted what was best for all her friends.

"I have to get down to the workshop." Raven smiled down at Clarke, she know things weren't perfect but it was a start.

"You sure you're not going to find Lexa and have another appendage shoved down your throat?" Clarke held back a laugh until she could finish the question, but she ended up rolling onto her side on the couch as she clutched at her stomach.

"Very funny!" Raven leaned forward to poke at Clarke's side but lost her balance. Landing on top of her, Raven just kept poking and laughing.

Clarke couldn't breathe from how hard she was laughing. She hadn't felt this good in a long time.

"And I'll have you know she wasn't _shoving_ it down my throat. Some people just- why am I even telling you this?" Raven had been poking and laughing and squirming too much to hear the sound of door opening.

Clarke had heard the door though and sat up quickly, looking over at the doorway.

"What the-?" Slipping from Clarke to the floor Raven turned to follow her line of sight. "Oh."

Anya's head peaked through the door, noticing the two on the couch. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting?"

Slithering down to the other end of the couch, Raven's eyes had grown to twice their size. This was probably going to be worse than if it had been Lexa. At least she could use the threesome image to her advantage while she let Lexa fuck her. "No..?" her voice squeaked out. "We were just uh…"

Clarke was even more worried. If Anya said anything to Lexa...what this looked like...

Anya laughed. "I'm only kidding. Don't worry about it. I just came by to talk to Clarke."

"Clarke....?" Raven jumped or moved as fast as she could, to her feet. "Right her because this is _her_ room."

"Yeah...uh, my room." Clarke stood, walking over to the door.

Anya looked between the two of them. "Did all that laughter go to your head or something?"

Eyes flitting between Clarke and Anya, Raven felt like she had caught doing something wrong. She was actually straddling Clarke when Anya walked in and that was hard to deny. "I should go. Clarke, Anya." Squeezing between the two, Raven was out of the room and scrambling down the hall.

Anya chuckled and stepping into the room, closing the door behind her. "She seemed nervous. Why? You two friends were playing around. Nothing serious there."

"You know she thinks you don't like her." Waving her arm back to the couch, Clarke gestured for the adviser to sit. "So what brings you here?"

Anya walked over and placed a bottle of clear liquid on the table. "I brought a gift. You seemed pretty tense this morning, thought I could offer something to help."

Clarke's brows rose, the hint of a questioning smile playing on her lips. "A gift. Some grounder hooch to get me drunk?" Sitting herself down after retrieving two cups, Clarke bumped her shoulder into the girl. "Are you planning in taking advantage of me too _Advisor_?" she let out with a small laugh.

"Not at all. I find it much easier to relax with this though," she said as she popped the cap off and poured two glasses. "Warning you though, it's much stronger than anything I have tasted of Skaikru's."

"Well in that case…" Clarke raised the cup in cheers then tossed the contents down her throat in one gulp. "Definitely has bite." She whistled out before motioning for another round.

Anya was already pouring the second by the time Clarke motioned for it. "I would recommend against drinking too much. When it does take effect, it's like getting hit by the _pauna_."

"Ha!" Clarke knocked back the second just as fast before motioning for a third. "I've faced one of them and yet look at me, still here." Clarke jabbed herself in her own boob then pointed to the couch.

"Just be careful. I don't want you running off and trying to fight it again." She poured the third and capped the bottle, placing it off to the side.

"That's not the usual affect but-" Clarke knocked back the last bit in her cup before putting off to the side. "I'm can't say it relieved my tension but who knows. I might not care in a little bit."

"Give it a few minutes. You definitely won't care." Anya sat back, leaving her empty cup on the table.

"Did Lexa send you here to babysit me? Because I am not going to do anything stupid. She made her point loud and clear." Clarke sat back as well, still close enough that their shouldering bumped.

"Nope. Like I said, I came to check on you."

Nodding, Clarke breathed out a steady stream of air from her nose and patted Anya's thigh a few times. "And now that you've checked?"

"You seem to be doing just fine." She raised an eyebrow at the contact but didn't question it further.

"Good to know." Leaving her hand half way between her own thigh and Anya's, Clarke tilted her head to look the warrior over. "And you?"

"Hm? Me?" She glanced over at the ambassador.

Laughing a little to herself as the alcohol started to take over, Clarke motioned with the hand that wasn't touching both of their thighs while inching up a bit higher from her moving around. "How're _you_ doing?"

"I'm fine." She could feel the fuzziness of the alcohol start to seep into her thoughts.

"I could be more fine with more hooch."

"That's probably not a good idea."

"Or we could go down to that Tavern on the outskirts of the city. They always like it when you show up. Makes all the girls want to fight for the _fearless warrior_." Clarke wiggled her brows at Anya, her tongue peeking out between her teeth.

"And neither is that one." Anya reached for the bottle, deciding the lesser of two evils would be the better option.

"Since when does Anya not want the company of willing women to satisfy all her desires?" Clarke teased her knowing that was something Anya was usually in search of most nights.

"Since I have a very drunk Skaikru Ambassador sitting next to me and I don't want her doing anything stupid."

"Is that all you don't want-" Clarkes looked between her eyes and lips with a small hitch in her breath, "-me doing?"

"Clarke..." Her voice was much lower than she had anticipated. She blamed it on the alcohol. That had to be it. Not the pull towards the Ambassador she had felt lately.

Taking Anya's hand and placing it high up on her thigh, Clarke nodded her head a little. "Would that be considered stupid?"

Anya had tried. She really had. It was just too much. Her other hand grabbed the back of Clarke's neck before smashing their lips together.

Putting her hands against Anya's chest and pushing away for the kiss, Clarke looked the girl right in the eyes. "Don't you dare pity fuck me. So if we are going to do this- you better really do it."

Anya swatted the hands away, grabbing Clarke's shirt and pulling her closer. "I want _you_." She practically growled before reconnecting their lips.

Clarke pushed her tongue into Anya's mouth hoping that would be all she needed to know. Why deny that there had been a slight attraction the past few months. Other people had moved on and so she would to. Now. With Anya. "You better not be fucking with me. I've had a shit few days," she rushed out between kisses.

Anya just shook her head in the gaps between kisses. This time she wasn't playing around. She _needed_ this more than anything.

Clarke pushed Anya away again, breathing hard and chest heaving. "Is this why you tried to get me drunk?"

"I had no intentions of starting this now, the alcohol is a friendly gift. If you'd rather wait..."

"You had inten...intentions? Why didn't you tell me?" Clarke stood pulling Anya up with her walking backwards towards her bed.

"I didn't want...I mean, I didn't know how long…until you moved on…”

"So this is more than just tonight?"

"As long as you want it to be more than just tonight."

"Hmm well let’s take you out for a ride and see how that goes." Feeling the backs of her legs hot the bed Clarke waited. Waited until Anya made the next move that she hope would be her own bare back hitting the bed.

"And you're sure about this?" Anya's fingers had found their way to the hem of Clarke's shirt, tugging gently.

For some reason Clarke hadn't expected the way Anya asked. It hit her a little harder than just a night of fucking someone she had a physical attraction to. Anya was actually looking _at_ her and not just trying to get in her pants. With a nod and hard swallow Clarke helped the girl remove her own shirt. "Yeah...very."

The minute the words were out of Clarke's mouth and the shirt off of her body, Anya's lips reconnected with Clarke's as she gently pushed her down onto the bed, climbing on top of her in the process. No, this would not just be another quick girl. This was Clarke, the one she actually felt something for, the one she knew had a courage in her that no one else did, since that day on the bridge when they first met. The same one that showed in every situation she was against the commander's rulings. Something about her drew Anya in.


	16. Chapter 16

Lexa stepped outside the tower for the first time that day, even though it was already late afternoon. She had rid herself of her usual guards and armor in order to blend in slightly. Roaming down the road, she stopped at a certain house and exchanged words with the resident there before continuing on her path to the workshop that had been set up for Raven. Once reaching the doorway, she gave a firm knock at the door, waiting for a response with one hand behind her back.

"It's not locked." Raven said in a raised tone so she could be heard.

Lexa quickly opened the door and stepped inside, shutting it behind her. "Raven?" She called out, not able to see the mechanic at first.

Shuffling out from between two shelves holding a bin of scrap, Raven's face instantly lit up when she heard then saw Lexa. "Hey..."

A smile spread across her face as she saw the girl appear. "Hi. Thought I'd check in on you while I was out."

Dropping the bin down on the bench besides her, Raven moved right into Lexa's space wrapping one arm around her waist. "I missed you too."

"I got you something, even though you told me not to, but I did-" Lexa blushed slightly and took a breath. "I didn't want you to be upset or anything." She pulled her arm out from around her back, revealing a bouquet of flowers.

Taking the bouquet, Raven took a few steps back looking between the flowers and Lexa. She had only been joking around earlier but there she was holding flowers and it was perfect. "You didn't have to do this..I was just rambling nonsense earlier."

"But I wanted to. Like I said, you seemed a bit upset and I wanted to make it up to you."

"I'm not upset but..." Raven placed the flowers down and again moved into Lexa, wrapping her arms around the taller girl. "I hope it's always because you wanted to and never because you feel like you should or have to."

Lexa smiled and wrapped her arms around her. "Of course, _ai hodnes._ "

Leaning her forehead against Lexa's, Raven just stood there with her own eyes closed. There was always so much to feel when they were close like this and she didn't exactly like it in the past but here she was. Feelings everything. And wanting it. Even if it didn't go her way all of the time she just needed this. "I have something for you."

"What is it?" Lexa looked down at the girl, waiting for a reply. Personally, she didn't want to break the connection they had right now.

"It's on my bench in the back." Making no move to let go, Raven just stood there breathing Lexa in.

"Shall we go get it? Or would you rather stay here?" Either option would make Lexa happy in that moment.

Again Raven wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck. If they were moving they were doing it as one. "Sure."

Lexa only chuckled and separated the two of them, immediately grabbing Raven's hand and intertwining their fingers so that some sense of connection stayed.

Taking the few steps to the back of the workshop and to one of the benches, Raven moved around a bunch of things and shuffled other things out of the way before picking up the small handheld radio that had a few of the Commander cogs on the front of it. "I still don't want to think about not being here with you but-" holding it towards Lexa "-at least I'll still hear your voice."

Lexa took the radio and turned it over a few times, inspecting every inch of it. "So...we can talk?"

She nodded with a slightly sad smile. "Yeah...I mean it should work with the one I have."

Lexa smiled. "Then we should test it out to make sure it works."

"That's gonna have to wait. Mine is back in Arkadia and the parts are a little more difficult to find so…"

"Alright. As soon as you get back then."

"It'll work it's just the private channel will need to be tuned." Raven reached up and ran a thumb along Lexa's cheekbone. Eyes soaking up every detail of the girls face.

"That's just a bunch of words to me, but it sounds like you know what you're doing." Lexa looked at her, watching every little movement, wanting to memorize every little detail in front of her.

"It's really easy to make. Not rocket science or anything. Just need the frequencies which I don't have." Raven's eyes roamed from Lexa's face to the lines of her neck to the speckling of marks that were still visible.

"Still words I do not understand...but I'll say yes in agreement." Lexa chuckled.

Leaning in Raven started to press kisses along the line of Lexa's jaw from one side to the other. It was about committing the feel of her skin to Raven's memory. She wanted to know the feel of everything that was Lexa in every _place_ there were. Not place as in body, place as in where they were currently standing. Raven wanted to be able to close her eyes once she was back in Arkadia imagine Lexa was there with her. "It's not all that important right now.”

"Mm, we can worry about that later." Arms wrapped around Raven's waist, pulling her in closer, holding her there in that moment.

"You keep doing these things…there is this way you hold me like I might crumble and then there is the way you look at me like if I was standing in a sea of your warriors you'd still only see me..." Raven leaned back just enough to be looking up into Lexa's eyes. "Those are the things I'm going to struggle with when I leave."

"But those are also the things you will look forward to on your return."

"My return…I wish it wasn't so unclear." Raven pressed her forehead down into Lexa's neck.

"It will be here before you know it. You know Arkadia needs your skills. Those here that learned from you know enough to get through that time.

"Lex…that's not-" Raven pulled away, turning her back to the girl and started to move things around on the worktop. "I don't _care_ about what _they_ need right now.”

"Raven," she walked over and gently put a hand on the girl's shoulder. "If it was my choice, you would never leave. But Arkadia needs you, whether you care about it or not."

"What about what _I_ need?" Raven's voice raised and dropped.

"In order to be a strong leader, sometimes you must put aside what you need in order to meet the needs of your people." Lexa stood next to her at the bench, looking down at all the parts scattered about.

"I'm not a leader!" Raven kept tossing things here and there, radio pieces and tools rattling around. "That's Kane and Clarke!"

"You are still seen as a leader, just in a different way from the others. What you have gone through...most others would have crumbled. You have only become stronger."

"What I've gone through? What do you know about what I've gone through? I'm nobody's damn leader Lexa, I'm just smarter than just about everyone else." Raven growled out.

"You're right, I have no idea what you've been through. But remember, just because you don't have a title doesn't mean you are not a leader." Her hand returned to the girl's shoulder, trying to calm her down.

"You're not hearing me. I don't want to be a leader." Again Raven found her emotions running high. She was starting to get on her own damn nerves with the highs and lows. "I don't want to be a leader here or in Arkadia. I have a hard enough time dealing with my…issues." The girl was breathing a bit harder by the time she had stopped speaking and her hands clutching the edges.

Lexa paused for a moment. "Sometimes leaders do not wish for their positions. Sometimes they are thrown into it."

Raven threw her hands up in frustration. "No! That's not me okay? I would never put myself in that position. I don't want to be responsible for-" She leaned heavily onto the table taking some of the pressure off her leg.

"Do you think I ever wanted to be in this position?" Lexa started her down, watching every motion.

"You were practically born into this. And obviously you were the chosen one." She stared back up at Lexa. "Ever since I crashed down here it's been one fucked up thing after another whether I'm being shot or hunted or experimented on or tied to a pole. So if you don't mind I'd like it to _be okay_ that I'm a little upset about having to leave!" The words had spilled out of Raven's mouth before she even knew what when was saying and hasn't really realized _what_ she had said.

Lexa took a step back, letting the words cut into her. She didn't know how to react other. "I'll leave you then...it seems like you need some time alone," she said as she turned to walk out.

"Are you serious right now?" Raven spun around to glare at the retreating girl. "I'm struggling just to be able to breathe because the thought of leaving- being away from you and tearing me apart and you think I _need some time alone_?"

"Do you think it's any easier for me to _let_ you leave? Let you ride off to Arkadia with the chance I could never see you again? You think it's _easy_?" Lexa stopped and spoke over her shoulder, not turning around. She slowly made her way towards the door, ready to leave the workshop.

Raven's words began to echo back at her and she finally heard what she said. Moving as quickly as she could, Raven positioned herself between Lexa and the opening of the door. "I didn't mean to say that- it's not..."

"Like I said, it sounds like you need some time to yourself." Lexa quickly sidestepped the girl and exited the workshop, hurrying down the street back towards the tower. She hoped no one would see the silent tears begin to streak down her cheeks.

The radio sat on the workbench, like a silent reminder.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> QUICK WARNING GUYS!
> 
> This chapter gets really intense between some of the angst and especially near the end. If you have any questions about stuff specifically in the chapter you want to know about before reading please comment/get in touch with us.
> 
> Some stuff may include: public sex, (almost) forced sex, etc.

Lexa quickly made her way up, choosing to take the stairs as she wiped her face, trying to clear all signs of emotions. She had almost made it all the way up when she stopped on Clarke's floor and saw her door open slowly.

Anya was stood half in the room and half in the hall, golden eyes taking one last look at the sleeping blonde she had just spent the last few hours in bed with.

Lexa stopped, standing right at the top of the staircase and watched her adviser walk out of _that_ room. She had to be mistaken, right? No, she couldn't be. There was still a hole in the door from the fateful events months earlier. As hard as she thought, only one reason popped into her head as to why Anya had been in that room...

Anya let the door close with a click then turned to walk the short way down the hall to go down to the market before the last of the vendors shut down for the night. Glancing up, she did a double take not expecting to see the pair of green eyes watching her. "Lexa! I didn't expect to..?"

Lexa just cocked her head to the side. "You didn't expect me to what? Find out about you and Clarke like this?"

"Why don't we go to the war room, have a drink maybe?"

"I could use one right now," she agreed before motioning for Anya to lead.

Settling into their usual seats when they found themselves in the room, Anya placed two half-filled cups of mead on the table between them.

"So, how long...you and the Ambassador..." Lexa tried to ask, but it just seemed awkward. Instead she took the cup and sipped the contents.

Trying to keep up her usual easy banter Anya took a sip after raising her cup in acknowledgement then finally spoke. "Oh that...Just tonight and I completely understand you wanting to bed the Skaikru women now…"

Lexa almost spit out what she had left in her mouth. Once she was able to swallow she let out a laugh. "You have to admit...they must know something we don't."

"Oh no maybe something _you_ don't know. I told you for years to let yourself enjoy the many facets of sex. God knows there was no shortage of girls throwing themselves you. But Clarke…She is- let’s say she knows what she wants. I assume this won't be a problem now that you've finally stopped eye fucking the other sky girl in favor or actual fucking?"

Lexa blushed slightly. "I never said it was a problem. I'm glad you finally acted though. Even Raven was starting to notice."

" _Shof op Heda_. There's just something about Clarke. But I'm sure you are very aware of that." Anya drained the contents of her glass before pouring herself another two fingers worth. "The friendship between them is something I've never seen before, I must admit."

"To think that they did not know each other until they were down on the ground is something" Lexa held her glass out for another round.

"Two rounds for the Commander tonight?" Anya poured a healthy amount into the glass before recapping the liquid and putting it aside. "Let's be thankful they haven't decided to…Be with each other leaving us empty handed."

"Be careful, it could always happen if we are not careful." This time Lexa finished the glass quickly and placed it down on the table.

"I thought that for a moment earlier when I had gone to see Clarke but I would say you have little to no worries there."

"Let us hope not." Lexa sat back in the chair, her hands crossed over her stomach and elbows on the arm rests.

"Something is troubling you. And now that I'm certain it's not the prospect of Clarke and I…What is it Lexa?" Anya drained her second glass before letting her eyes rest on the younger girl.

"It's silly, I can deal with it myself."

"Or you can tell me what this very not silly thing is."

She sighed, leaning forward. "Ever since Raven and I have acted upon these feelings...it has been all up and down. One minute we're happier than anyone else, the next we're fighting over something as small as her return to Arkadia."

"Small?" Anya kept her eyes on Lexa. "Even I know there is nothing small about that. And are we talking about the same Skaikru girl here? The girl that thinks it's only a fun outing if she gets to blow things up?"

"Her name is Raven." Lexa hadn't meant to get snippy. The emotions of the day were running high, along with the mead running through her systems.

Anya pushed away from the war prep table and made to stand. "I'm aware of what _her_ name is Lexa. Are you?" Finally standing, the adviser took a few steps away from Lexa before turning back around to face her. "It's just us here so I will speak freely. You accept that when she leaves you may never see her again because you've lived through that and your position didn't allow you to do anything _but_ accept it Lexa."

Her head was already down at that point. She could feel her body shaking with emotion. Anger? Sadness? She couldn't separate the two at this moment. "I can't accept this one though." Barely a whisper, her own voice sounded foreign to her.

"You've been doing this with her since the minute she arrived here in the Capital. I have no doubt that you felt very deeply for Clarke but not once did I see you look at her the way you look at Raven." Anya had moved close enough to rest her hand on Lexa's shoulder and her words came out somewhat softer. "Don't make those same mistakes. Trust me Lexa, I do believe you will regret it."

"How, though? How can I not make the same mistakes over and over again if my duty forces me to? I can't just forsake my role."

"Of all the things I can tell you, that isn't one of them."

Lexa sighed and stood up, walking out of the room. She needed space, she needed air. She needed a lot of things right now, most of which she couldn't have. She decided her best option would be to release some of her frustrations, and to her knowledge, the nightbloods would be in combat training right now.

As the sun began setting, Lexa found herself once again in the arena facing Aden. Of the nightbloods, he was the only one who could keep up with her. She felt a slight bit sorry for him today as he had to face an angry Heda who went much harder than usual.

Raven had stood in the middle of her workshop for what felt like hours but was more like maybe 30 minutes. After Lexa had walked out without looking back she had swiped everything from the table she'd been next to. The same table that held most of the radios she had just finished and Lexa's.

After snapping out of her haze Raven left the shop and headed down towards the arena. She had done it a few times during her stay in the Capital city just to clear her mind. This time was not much different but she was almost certain even this would help. Sitting off to the side, Raven heard her before she saw her.

"That was good Aden, but you left your right flank vulnerable after trying to attack. You need to keep that in mind." Lexa was panting as she helped the boy up off the ground. It hadn't been long since they started but both were fighting full-force today. The sweat made Lexa's skin reflect the dying sunlight as she tossed the stick back to Aden. "Again."

Raven kept off to the side hoping she could watch but remain unseen. The tension in Lexa was obvious from even this distance but the way she spoke to the boy seemed too controlled. And they didn't match her actions once they began to fight again.

This fight lasted about as long as the last did. Aden again went for an attack but Lexa caught his unguarded side, knocking his feet out from under him as his back hit the ground with a thud. Again she helped him up. "Go get cleaned up and eat. Tomorrow make sure you work on this."

Staying where she had been sitting, Raven just watched as the two spoke again briefly before Aden walked off. The girl would have been struck down with lightening if she denied the way Lexa looked made her mouth water; arms bared and sweat dripping from her face and neck and the way her voice took on that Commander tone. Even after their fight Raven wanted to find a dark back alley and let Lexa fuck her senseless.

Lexa stood in the arena for a few minutes by herself, just breathing. The training exercise had been good in letting out what frustration she had left in her, but somehow she was still tense. Returning the training staff to the side of the arena, she felt as though a pair of eyes were watching her.

"I didn't mean to intrude on your space." She said before clearing her throat to shake some of the lust that had begun to seep down to her core. "I would sometimes come here when I was done for the day and watch the sparring and training…I guess I didn't- it…it clears my mind." Raven was looking in Lexa's direction but wouldn't meet her eyes.

"It clears my mind as well. Helps to relieve some stress as well." Lexa had walked over to where Raven was sitting, offering out a hand to help her up. "How are you feeling now?"

Raven looked at the hand before taking it and standing, still not looking at her. "Didn't work."

"What do you mean?"

"My mind. It didn't work- to clear my mind. And now you’re standing here looking like this and it's worse." Raven growled while taking a step back.

"Raven, what's wrong? _Beja_ , let me help." Lexa took a step towards her.

"Lexa!" She growled again. "Unless your definition of help is _fucking_ me until I don't know my name because the way you look right now is making me crazy…which I'm sure it isn't. So…” Raven finally looked up to meet Lexa's eyes, her own pupils blown wide.

Lexa stood in place for a second, her own pupils going wide before growling and quickly stepping up to Raven, pulling her along until they reached a space in between two hut. She threw the girl up against the wall, crashing their lips together.

With every step that Lexa had pulled her along Raven felt herself get wetter. When her back hit the wall Raven wouldn't have cared who was there and what they saw. The moan that rumbled in her throat when she felt Lexa's lips was probably heard by a few and still she didn't care. "You can't-" she growled out between kisses. "-look like that and not expect-" she bit down on the girls bottom lip. "-me to want you to fuck me!" Raven had grabbed two fistfuls of hair and was gripping possibly a little too tight.

"Well maybe you shouldn't have been watching me, unless you wanted to get fucked in public." She broke for only a moment, then returned to the assault of tongues and nips and moans. One hand unbuttoned Raven's pants and slipped down the front of her boyshorts, her fingers quickly finding their mark.

Raven released her vice grip in favor of wrapping her arms around Lexa's neck and holding on. The way her core was being touched and toyed with had her soaking right through to her pants. There was no way she was lasting that much longer.

Lexa's mouth moved along the curve of Raven's jaw and down her neck, nipping and sucking at the skin. Her fingers found their way inside her core. She couldn't thrust them with the clothing in the way, but she could curl them against that one spot while her thumb rubbed Raven's clit.

"Shit I'm so, so close" Raven was panting so hard she could barely get the words out. A few more curls of Lexa's fingers and she was falling over the edge and chasing down an orgasm that made her toes curl and head bang back into the building she was pinned against. “ _Fuck_ just like that Lex, please don't stop."

"Cum for me Raven." The growl that came out was much lower that Lexa had ever heard her voice go as she continued to curl her fingers inside the girl.

Raven bit into Lexa's neck to suppress the screams she knew she would be making as her climax hit her. The deep husk of the commander’s voice was enough to send her crashing into a second round of waves. All she could do was hold on and keep grinding her hips down onto Lexa's fingers.

Another low groan emerged from Lexa's throat as Raven's teeth clamped down on her skin. Her fingers began slowing their movements as she helped ease the girl through the waves.

Pulling her face from the crook of Lexa's neck, Raven let her head hang back against the wall while she struggled to bring oxygen back into her lungs. "I'm sorry, Lex." Her words were soft. She wanted to explain why she lost herself earlier but the words just weren't coming to her so she just stood there and held on.

"Shh, forget it. It's over." After discretely wiping her hand on Raven's underwear and pulling it back out she rebuttoned the pants then leaned back in, her face nuzzled against her neck.

"Was it what you thought it would be?" Raven lowered her lips to Lexa's ear, her own hands dropping down to circle her waist.

"Mm, a little. But it's late and there's not enough people around. Looks like we'll have to try again sometime. Shall we go eat instead?"

"Again?" Raven took a hold of the hand that was inside herself bringing it up to her mouth before sucking the fingers into her mouth and cleaning them off a little bit more. She moaned as she sucked the two fingers into her mouth then slid them out slowly, the whole time maintaining steady eye contact. Letting them go with one final lick between the pair, Raven just winked. "Eating sounds like a good plan."

Lexa couldn't move. Her eyes had been glued to Raven as her fingers were cleaned by that magical mouth of hers. If her jaw could've hit the ground it would've in that situation.

"It must be the combination of your sweat and my cum because that tasted so damn good." Raven pressed her lips against Lexa's to offer up a small taste. "Makes sense now as to why you are so enthusiastic when you’re going down on me."

"It is something special, nothing I've tasted before. Come, let's get back before I have to take you again right here." Lexa's hand took Raven's and pulled her out into the street again.

The girl just laughed as she was tugged along. "Oh such harsh threats."

Lexa pulled the girl up to her side and growled in her ear. "What if I pushed you down into the street then stripped you and fucked you for the entire city to see, hm?"

A hint of excitement flashed through her eyes and the throbbing was instantly renewed in her core. Raven ran her hand down the front of Lexa until she was cupping her. "You'll take me and _fuck_ me behind and in between buildings but you'd never do that _Commander_."

Lexa stopped and turned towards the girl. "Are you questioning me? Do I have to prove to you that I will do it?" Both of her hands were on the hem of Raven's shirt, pulling it halfway up her stomach.

Raven's hands flew to the hem of her own shirt, eyes blazing back up at her as she began to pull it up. "It's one thing to do what we just did and _where_ but-" she had her shirt pulled up to just beneath the cup of her bra. "-are you sure you want _everyone_ to see my body, naked…right here?"

"I want everyone to see me claiming you as _mine_ and only _mine_." Lexa didn't care who was around at that point. She grabbed the shirt from Raven and pulled it up over her head before recapturing her lips in hers.

To say that Raven was shocked would have been putting it mildly but she pressed her front into Lexa, kissing and nipping at her lips. "People are starting to watch."

"Good. Let them. Do you still question me?"

Raven pulled back putting enough space between them that whoever was looking would get a good look at her chest. "If I say yes you'll really just lay me out right here? On the ground right here?"

Lexa nodded, the fire in her eyes blazing brighter. Raven knew she hated to be questioned like this as it only drove her further down into her emotions.

Raven popped the button of her pants and pulled the zipper down. Next she had her brace off and thrown next to the boots she stepped out of as she slid her pants down and off. "I would let you do anything you wanted to me. Anywhere you wanted. Here. In your throne room in front of all of your _Ambassadors_. In your war room with all of your chiefs and warriors watching. Hell, I'd probably let you bend me over the table and fuck my ass while you wore the harness! But right here right now? I'm not your subject, Lexa." Raven whipped her pants in Lexa's direction before she turned to walk away.

Now it was Lexa's turn to be stunned. She had expected Raven to eventually give in to her, but stripping in the middle of the street? She didn't even know who was around and watching right now but she knew if she saw anyone their heads would be delivered straight to her.

Raven kept her breathing even as she made her way back to the workshop. Once there she moved to the back of the space and sat on the bench that was positioned in a tight corner and let her head fall back against the wall. She knew she pushed Lexa too hard. She knew the moment she started to pull up her own shirt and yet she kept pushing. Raven let her eyes close as she sat there in the midst of the mess she'd made earlier and the mess she just created. Again.

Lexa eventually moved to pick up what clothing Raven had left behind. She was walking away from the tower, and there was only one place Lexa knew of that she would go.


	18. Chapter 18

A few minutes later, Lexa pushed open the door of the workshop, heading back towards the workbench. She dropped the brace and such on the floor before turning past the last row of shelves.

Raven kept her head back against the wall, a hand rubbing into the flesh of her left hip and down to the knee. It did nothing to alleviate the pain and was more out of habit at this point. She hadn't bothered to put anything on when she walked into the shop so she was still only in a bra and boyshorts and she really didn't feel like searching out the spare clothes she had tucked away.

"Raven..." Lexa walked over and sat next to her, leaning back against the wall.

"Lexa…" Raven stayed where she was, head still back and eyes closed.

She grabbed Raven's hand, intertwining their fingers. She didn't want to talk, and it sounded like neither did Raven. It just felt right that this time was only silence.

Raven turned her head and opened her eyes to look at Lexa. She didn't say anything, just looked. There was a hundred things she wanted to say but couldn't settle on any one thing to start with so she just continued to sit there. Silent.

Eventually Lexa leaned over and placed her head on Raven's shoulder. She knew they should've talked about what almost just happened, but she couldn't bring herself to speak.

Raven positioned herself between the two walls, back against one wall and shoulder against the other and moved around a little more until she was comfortable. Raven stretched out her legs over the top of Lexa's lap.

They sat like that in silence for quite some time. It was peaceful for them...until Lexa's stomach grumbled and face went red.

"You should go do something about that." Raven said softly, her head still resting back against the wall.

"I'm not leaving unless you come with me."

"Okay." Moving her legs up from Lexa's lap, Raven slowly moved to her feet to get dressed.

"Here, let me help." Lexa stood up and walked to where she had dropped the clothes and brought them back over.

Taking the pants from the bundle, Raven leaned back into the wall to support herself as she stepped one leg then the other. "I've got it." Raven picked up the shirt next and pulled that down over her head leaving her boots and brace for last.

Lexa watched every movement as she slipped on the clothing. A part of her wanted to reach out and help, but another part told her to let Raven do what she wanted.

Taking a deep breath, Raven sat down again to step her feet into the boots. Without even thinking she handed the brace over to the girl standing there. She didn't even know why but she'd done it anyway.

Lexa took the cool metal in her hand, nodding. "Ready?"

"All systems go." She let out while watching.

A small smile popped up the corner of her mouth as Lexa held out her hand, not for support, but just for the contact they both needed.

Reaching out to take the hand left the mechanic feeling a little less tense and a little more at ease.

Lexa led the girl outside slowly and started down the street back towards the tower. It was dark and most of the huts were dark as well, but the moon shone brightly on the city.

"I really hope you're going to use the elevator." The stress of the day had Raven's leg feeling a little more sore than usual. Or at least she had hoped that was all it was.

"Of course. Unless you want me to carry you upstairs?" Lexa chuckled, remembering how much Raven had "protested" earlier that day.

"That's a really long way up and I heard your stomach." Raven couldn't help the smile that was spreading over her face. "Elevator might not be much faster but it's probably better."

"Just because I'm hungry doesn't mean these muscles are failing." She flexed her free arm, pretending to show off.

"Don't" She looked away before her eyes could see the flexing. "I have zero control over my want for you. Mad, sad, happy…pissed off. I probably groped you in my sleep."

Lexa chuckled again. "That would be interesting to wake up to."

"Mhmm." Raven continued to look away.

Lexa gently squeezed her hand, looking at her.

"Hmm?"

"We'll figure something out. Don't worry."

"Elevator." Raven slowly turned her head to look at Lexa. She was just as beautiful as Raven had ever seen her and maybe just a little more from the glow of the near full moon. She really didn't care whether she was carried to the moon and back as long as it was Lexa.

"Alright, elevator it is." They stepped inside and let themselves ride up to the floor.

Raven leaned into Lexa's side, head dropping down onto her shoulder while they waiting. She felt stuck between not knowing what to say, a silence that she didn't love and comfort from just being near Lexa.

Lexa's arm snaked around her waist, pulling her in close to her side. There would be plenty of time to talk about it, but not now.

After what felt like forever they finally reached the top floor. "Remind me why you're all the way at the top?"

Lexa only smiled as she stepped into the hallway, the smell of dinner drifting down the hall, causing another rumble from her stomach.

Once the plates and food had been cleared away, Lexa stood quietly and walked into the bathroom, running another bath.

The silence between them was really beginning to take its toll on Raven so when she heard Lexa drawing a bath it made her smile. Raven followed in after Lexa and leaned against the wall just watching her move and set things up.

She seemed to glide around the room as she lit some candles. Turning back towards the doorway, she motioned for Raven to come in.

Raven toed off her boots putting them just outside the semi opened space then turned to walk over to girl.

Lexa had already stripped off her shirt and pants. When Raven joined her, she gently lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it to the side.

Raven unbuttoned her pants then took hold of Lexa's hands and placed them flush to the bare skin of her stomach. "I'm not sure that you- if you get it…" Raven breathed out. Eyes looking and searching the pair before her.

"That I get what?" Lexa's voice was only a whisper, a breath that escaped out as she ran her hands over the warm skin.

"Just how much of me is yours." her voice shook as she replied. The way Lexa's hands on her making it difficult to keep her breathing steady.

"As much as you're willing to give me." She stepped closer, their bodies almost touching as she looked down at the girl.

"That's _all_ of me." Raven placed her hands over top of Lexa's, letting them move together slowly. "Not just what I'm _willing_ to give."

"If you give me all of yourself, then I accept every single piece you give me."

"No." Raven pressed Lexa's hands into the skin of her stomach just below her chest. "That's not- I can't _not_ …Whether you accepted me or not, Lex."

"What do you mean?" Lexa watched her, feeling the skin under her fingertips.

Raven dragged their hands higher up her body to cover her breasts and squeezed. "You could reject me and I'd still just...belong to you." Letting one hand go, Raven reached behind her own body to undo the clasp of her bra. "And the way it feels when you're touching me…”

"I could never reject you...because I..." Lexa sighed and pulled in a shaky breath, relaxing herself. "I am weak for you..."

The gasp Raven let out was the only sound in the room. That was it. The thing she needed. It was more than any 'I love you' she had ever heard or said.

"I tried, for the longest time...I tried to forget it, but I can't. It's _you_. You made me weak, and now I realize...it was one of the best feelings all along."

"Now" she breathed out with her lips pressing into Lexa's over and over. "Now you get it."

Lexa smiled as she finished undressing before stepping towards the tub and sliding in, beckoning Raven over with a finger.

It might as well been a blur from the way Raven had stripped out of her brace and remaining clothes. Carefully stepping in she lowered herself down into the water but facing Lexa this time.

Lexa held out hand to Raven, palm facing her, craving the contact.

Both the warmed temperature of the water and the way Lexa was looking at her helped ease the tension that still there just under the surface. Taking the girls hand, Raven held on tight.

She interlocked their fingers, making sure that it would be impossible for either to let go, even if they wanted to.

Leaning her head back and closing her eyes, Raven relaxed as much as she could, given the last few hours. "This would be better if you were closer."

"Then come over here." Lexa pulled her hand slightly.

"You should come here" She tugged back on Lexa's hand but made no effort to move.

She didn't want to give in, but she did. With a small smile, she carefully moved to lay against Raven, making sure not to splash the water.

Raven ran the tips of her fingers up and down the girl’s arms once she had settled in. The light humming in her throat stopping only when pressed kisses to Lexa's head or spoke. "We may not have known each other for very long Lex but you should know…I can't recall a time when I wasn't weak for you too."

Lexa smiled as she closed her eyes and rested her head back against the girl's shoulder. She never thought she would openly admit how weak she felt for someone, but it felt right to tell Raven.

Raven rolled her hips up as much as she could, given the tight space. She dropped her mouth to kiss and bite the damp skin Lexa's neck. Raven really didn't know why but she couldn't just sit there idle. She needed to be _touching_ Lexa or vice versa. She moved one hand between Lexa's legs, fingers slipping through her folds up to clit while her other hand came up to cup one breast. "Tell me-" she husked, "-tell me you want me."

The moan she had been holding back bubbled up through her lips as Lexa rolled her hips up against Raven's hand. "I always want you, every part of you."

"Again" Raven growled as she slowly slid two fingers up into the girl’s core than stilled her movement.

"Fuck Raven...I want you... _Beja_..." the combination of the warm water and Raven's movements were heating her skin, the temperature only increasing the pleasure.

"What do you want _Heda_ , tell me how you want me to make you cum." Raven's wrist started to burn with how slow she was sliding in and out of Lexa. Her free hand had been switching between both nipples, pinching and rolling them between thumb and forefinger.

" _Beja_...harder..." The pace was driving Lexa crazy as one hand slid up and tangled its fingers in Raven's hair, pulling her head down to meet her lips as she turned and kissed her.

"Yes…don't let go of my hair." Raven whispered into the kiss. Her mind was starting to grow hazy from the way Lexa was squeezing her fingers, every time she pulled out she'd curl then slam back in as hard as she could considering the limited position. Abandoning her chest Raven moved that hand and started rubbing gentle circles over clit.

" _Jok_." Lexa felt herself clench around the fingers, hard. She couldn't help as she threw her head back again, moaning out loudly.

"I don't know if I've told you yet just how beautiful you are when you're like this…" Raven was pressing kissing to every inch of Lexa's skin that she could reach. One hand still running gentle circles over the girl’s clit. "The way your body feels against me and the how you sound when I touch you just right…" Raven had evened out her thrusts so she could let Lexa feel every touch and press against her front wall. "Take your time, Lex. I'm not going anywhere…"

"I'm...again..." Every touch felt like fire inside her, but the burn felt good. It shot waves through her, hitting every part of her body.

"Again" Raven breathed into her neck. "Again" she repeated while keeping her hands moving the same way. "I love you Lex."

Lexa wanted to respond, but the wave of pleasure that shot through her cut all sound from her throat as she felt her back arch off of Raven's chest, the waves not stopping.

Gradually slowing her movements, Raven pulled her hands away when she felt Lexa relax back down onto her chest. "I will never grow tired of feeling you cum around my fingers." Raven lifted her hands up and out of the water resting them on the sides of the bath, her own head falling back so she could slow her heart rate.

"Yours is just as magical a feeling," Lexa could finally breathe out once she had gained control again. "You must let me repay to favor in bed tonight."

Raven breathed out a little laugh and lifted her head up. "Repay…Do I even need to say yes..?"

Lexa smiled and leaned back against the girl, pressing closer into her.

Raven wrapped her arms around Lexa's body and sighed. "Water is getting a little cold and I'm not so sure either of us is going to enjoy that much."

"Then we should move to a much warmer bed instead." Lexa didn't move. She loved being held like this, as if she wasn't the Commander, but just a normal human.

"Whenever you're ready." Raven just nodded and held on a bit tighter.

"The unfortunate part of this is that you will have to let go so I may stand up and help you."

"Fine but this is happening under protest of having to let you go." Raven held on tighter.

"Duly noted. Don't make me pry your arms off of me." Lexa chuckled, her hands grabbing Raven's wrists.

"Since you put it so nicely." Raven nipped and kisses up the back of Lexa's neck and let her arms be pulled away. "You can't blame me for wanting to keep you in my arms."

"You can certainly do that in bed, and I shall not protest." Lexa stood and carefully stepped out of the bath, grabbing towels and coming back over to the tub, holding her hand out.

Taking the offered hand Raven stepped out and steadied herself. "That's my plan." she nodded and smiled up at her. "You can try to protest but I'm still myself wrapping around you."

"But for now it's my turn to wrap you up." Lexa threw the towel around Raven's shoulders and pulled her in as close as she could.

Raven couldn't help but to curl herself down into Lexa's chest, head down and tucked under her chin. "Don't let go, okay?" the words came out muffled and barely audible.

"Never. I will never let you go." Lexa placed soft kisses on the top of Raven's head as she rubbed the towel on her back.

"My back is pretty dry but there are other...parts of me that you can check…" Raven leaned back to look into the girl’s eyes, her own growing darker.

"I think I need some better lighting to check those parts. Here, let's move to the bed so I can have a close examination."

Raven took Lexa's hands and walked backwards until the backs of her legs hit the bed. "How does this _examination_ work?" she pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth waited.

"Well, I really have to get down in there to make sure everything's dry where it's supposed to be...or wet." Lexa pushed her down on the bed, spreading her legs open.

"Oh...I'm definitely _wet_ there." Leaned up on her elbows, Raven could only watch as Lexa advanced. If the sight of that alone was enough to cause her center to pound, the sound of her voice was only increasing it and sending jolts of excitement throughout her body.

"Let me make sure though. Better to be safe than sorry." Lexa ran a hand up through the folds, flicking a short nail over the already reddened bud.

Her hips jumped forward, and a moan fell from her lips. "See…dripping wet and now I'm aching." Ravens closed her eyes and let her head fall back. She needed to be touched. "Please tell me you're going to take care of that."

"I believe I can help." Lexa helped adjust Raven on the bed so that she could kneel between her legs. Once there, she lowered herself until her lips were placing gentle kisses along her stomach and hips.

The slightest touches had Raven's hips canting up trying to gain any friction she could. "I want you all the time. Near me-" She took a handful of Lexa's hair in her fist, holding tight to it. "-kissing me…"

Lexa trailed her mouth the final distance until it made contact with its destination. She flattened her tongue and ran it up through the folds in one long, slow swipe.

" _God_ the things you could get me to do because of your mouth. You just don't even know." Raven let out a long steady breath, the pressure already starting to build in her core. The grip in Lexa's hair grew tighter as she tried to pull her further into herself.

Lexa moans as she felt the tug in her hair. She stuck her tongue out and slid in straight into Raven's core, tasting every little bit.

Raven groaned, whimpered when she felt Lexa's tongue enter her. "Do you know how weak this makes me for you? Do you even understand that Lexa?" Raven felt like Lexa was stroking all the way up to her brain and back, the feeling driving her crazy.

Every curl of her tongue ran right over that front wall, tasting every drop of the girl in front of her.

" _FUCK_ " Raven's eyes flew open when she felt the first sign of her orgasm. Lexa had barely just started and Raven was already a crumbling mess. Hips jumping, still holding a handful of hair…

Lexa's arm worked its way over her hips, holding her down against the bed as her tongue continued its relentless assault.

"Slow- slow down…it's too soon." Raven pulled herself up on one elbow and tried to move back. She didn't even know why but this was by far the fastest she'd ever been brought to the edge.

Lexa shook her head as her tongue retracted. "One more, then you can rest." Before Raven could answer her tongue went back to work.

Raven fell back onto the bed, head thrown back. "I didn't say I wanted- " Raven wrapped her good leg around Lexa's head, "-you to stop..." The peak of her orgasm made her whimper and keen out Lexa's name over and over.

Lexa slowed her tongue, letting the last of the pleasure settle inside Raven before she crawled up to meet her and kissed her, letting her taste every drop that sat in her mouth.

Raven moaned deeper when she tasted herself. The way her juices mixed with Lexa's mouth keep her high going just that little bit more. "I could live off the way you do that…Gooood."

"But you need regular food as well to keep your energy up. In order for us to do these things of course."

Once again Raven found herself bursting out with laughter. "Not literally, Lex."

"Oh...alright." She curled up against Raven's side. "You Skaikru all confuse me with your language..."

Raven pressed kisses to every part of Lexa's face and neck she could reach. "I'd be very willing to try. You could be my food."

"Me? I mean I know I taste that good but...we both have duties...we can't-I mean, we could, but..." Lexa was trying to wrap her head around everything. Was Raven being serious? She had no clue.

"We could just stay in here for as long as…until we physically can't any longer." Raven walked her fingers up Lexa's chest to her collarbone and higher, sliding one finger over her lips before dipping in between them. "We can have sex on every surface in this room. And you can make love to me again. And we can fuck each other in ways we haven't tried with each other yet, or anyone else. "

Her lips closed around the finger as she sucked on it, popping it out of her mouth. "I like the sound of that. I have no plans for tomorrow, what about you?"

"I'm free." Raven rushed out before capturing Lexa's lips in a bruising kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one got cut awkwardly, so next chapter will start up exactly where this one left off.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, this chapter is a bit intense too...a lot of the upcoming chapters are.
> 
> You have been warned

Lexa moaned into the girl's mouth as she climbed on top of her, straddling her hips. Both hands cupped Raven's cheeks as she kissed the girl.

"Let's start now" She managed to say between kisses. Her hips rolling up into Lexa. The feeling of her wetness coating her lower abs brought on a renewed throbbing to her center and clit.

"What should we start with though? Another round of rough and hungry? The smooth slow burn of love making? Or the rebellious nature of trying something new?" Lexa pressed her forehead into Raven's, rubbing their noses together.

Raven couldn't recall a time she had whimpered more. The way Lexa pushed down into her was making her mouth water and mind fog up. "You can- whatever you want."

"But I want you to choose." Lexa held Raven's head in place and she peppered soft kissed across her cheekbones.

"I really like it when you're rough, but I wouldn't mind trying something new." Raven popped her hips up a few times.

"Alright, what shall we try?" Lexa looked down at the girl as she traced patterns along her chest.

Raven ran her hands up and around Lexa's hips to the round part of her ass and kneaded. "We could try the ropes again." she said, eyes following the pattern on her chest. "And a blindfold…"

"Oo, a blindfold?” Lexa smirked, grinding herself against Raven's abs before standing and walking across the room.

Raven ran her fingers through the slick Lexa had left behind then lifted them to her mouth to lick at the wetness.

Lexa came back to the bed, a long strip of cloth in hand. "So, how shall we do this?"

"Hm?" Raven looked up from cleaning off her fingers. "Sometimes it's better when you just do and don't ask."

"But who is wearing the blindfold?"

Raven stared back at Lexa. Without saying anything she dropped both hands down to her own breasts, pinching and tugging at her already hard nipples. "That's a good question."

"Mm, well...your turn." Lexa playfully pounced on the girl, wrapping the cloth around her eyes and securing it around the back of her head.

Raven felt her heart rate instantly kick up a few beats causing her to start breathing heavier.

Carefully, she adjusted the girl in bed so that her head was back kn the pillows before kneeling over her, not touching any part.

Wanting a connection since she couldn't see, Raven lifted both hands in search of some sort of contact between them. "Lex...?"

"Grab the ropes above your head." Lexa wanted to wait to touch her again.

Raven sucked in another deep breath and reached above her, wrapping her hands around the rope once. "Okay…"

Lexa brought her hands down to Raven's face, cupping her cheeks gently as she leaned down for a soft kiss.

A ripple went through Raven's body as her anticipation increased but the softness of the kiss and touch left her feeling a little calmer. "This I haven't done- both. At the same time…"

"Shh, let me take care of you." Lexa's mouth never moved more than an inch away from skin at any point, leaving kisses and nips at random points along Raven's neck, shoulders, and chest.

"I trust-" Raven bit back a hiss every time she felt a nip which caused her to squirm a little. "Fuck- I trust you."

"If you ever want me to stop..." Lexa didn't finish the sentence as she stopped at the girl's breasts, capturing one nipple in her mouth and swirling it with her tongue.

"Don't stop!" Raven cried out and let one of the ropes go, her hand moving to the back of Lexa's head to hold her in place. As much as Raven loved it when Lexa had her head between her legs she _loved_ having her nipples played with. It could have just been a direct line to her core.

Lexa let go of it, growling. "Hands. On rope."

Two things happened. The sound of Lexa's voice when she growled caused Raven's body to feel like it was on fire and the speed with which her hand moved back to grab the rope again. "Sorry…Just don't stop."

"I don't want to have to tie those ropes." Her mouth returned to its assault on the bud.

Raven's mind went back to waking up tied to the bed and the way it scared the hell out of her and excited her at the same time. "Right because that's only for after I pass out."

Lexa popped off the nipple, running her palm over it. "Maybe I'll save it for other times too." Her mouth lowered again to the other one, sucking and twirling it in her mouth.

No sooner had Lexa started in on her other nipple when Raven's hand let go of the rope again and gripped the back of the girls head. "No one's ever given them enough attention…"

She sat up, pulling herself away from the hands. "What did I say?"

Exhaling hard through her nose, Raven stayed quiet and reached for the rope gripping it a little tighter.

"Good. Next time those hands move I'll have to tie them there." Smirking, her mouth once again lowered to the chest below her and went back to work on the nipple.

As soon as Raven's mind started to drift from the way Lexa kept working her over she let the other rope go and grabbed a fistful of hair. Again.

Lexa sat up again and got off of Raven. Moving to the side, she grabbed Raven's wrists and began tying them down.

"Wait-" Raven went to tug arm away. "I won't- it just feels really good and I didn't want you to stop okay?"

"Promise? Because next time I really will."

"Yes. Just go back to what you were doing."

"Keep your hands on the ropes then." Lexa slowly climbed back on top of the girl, lowering her mouth to the mound.

Raven sighed with relief at the feeling of being touched again. She had been open to the idea of being blindfolded before but this was not at all like what she had imagined. Her mind just keep losing focus on what she was told to do. So again, but her other hand this time, she let go and went to dig her nails into Lexa's neck.

Lexa shot up again. "Are you having trouble? Do you need some help keeping your hands up there?"

" _Apparently!_ " Raven let go of both ropes and started to gesture between her own chest, the ropes above her head and the girl beside her. "It feel really fucking good okay-" she growled out. "And I want to touch!"

"Nope, no touch." Lexa grabbed her wrist again and tied it against the headboard, grabbing the other one as well.

"Well obviously now." Raven yanked a few times testing how much movement she had. "You do know you're going to end up like this too, right?"

"That's if I ever untie you." She smirked again before lowering her mouth to the first breast again.

Raven let out a long groan when she left Lexa's mouth back where she was craving it. "As long as you don't stop…you can do whatever you want."

Lexa's tongue drew lazy circles around the nipple as her hands slowly walked its way down to her core.

" _Jok._ " Raven's dropped her head back to the bed. Having her hands tied wasn't bothering her as much as she had thought it would. Not being able to see was a different story. "Not being able to see you- I can't even begin to tell you how much I love your mouth…"

Lexa popped her mouth off the breast again and delivered a quick kiss to Raven's mouth. "You tell me time and time again about it," she smiled as she went to the other nipple as her hand slid in between the folds.

"Are you- " the sensation between her legs made Raven roll her hips up and into Lexa's hand and yank on the ropes. It had to be the blindfold making her more aggressive than normal. Everything felt like it was amplified.

Lexa’s fingers slipped inside the opening, curling in the slick heat while her thumb began to pressure the girl's clit. Back up near her chest, Lexa took the nipple between her teeth and tugged on it gently.

"I thought- you liked being praised." Raven was now panting for air trying to fill her lungs. The teeth on her causing her back to arch up. It was becoming too much.

She popped off again. "Oh, I do. It shoots straight down through me." Her mouth switched breasts again, pulling on this one with her teeth as well.

The first wave hit making her clench around the fingers inside her. "It’s too much Lex- I can't..." Raven's nipples had become so sensitive she didn't know what to beg for more.

Lexa continued with all her motions. Neither her fingers nor her mouth slowed down with their pace, whether pulling or rubbing or curling.

"No more _please_ my chest can't take-" Her words were cut off by the sobs that got caught in her throat as her orgasm slammed into her. The pulsing in her core and throbbing of her clit was making her forget her own name.

Lexa pulled her mouth off quickly and brought her head up to Raven's, pressing gentle kisses against her lips and cheeks. Her fingers slowed, helping her through the last of the waves.

Raven just whimpered and tried to return kiss for kiss. Her body was felt limp and hypersensitive.

Quickly, Lexa pulled her fingers out and untied all the ropes and cloth until Raven was free. She pulled the girl onto her lap, holding her close against her body while rubbing her back in small soothing circles.

"That was...unlike anything I've ever done or felt." Pushing her face into Lexa's neck Raven words came out weak and mumbled. The zaps and tremors where still racing throughout her entire body making her twitch. "I really love you, Lex."

"Are you feeling okay? And not _that_ okay...I mean, nothing hurts, right?" She continued to cuddle the girl, holding her as close as she possibly could, just for contact.

"You didn't hurt me. That was just really intense. My wrists might be a little sore tomorrow but that was mostly my fault" Pulling her head back from Lexa's neck, Raven started to press light kisses to her chin and cheeks. "Are you okay?"

"Me? Why wouldn't I be?" Lexa turned her head and met Raven's lips with her own.

"I don't know, that's why I asked."

"Well I am much better than okay thanks to you."

Raven kept pressing kisses to Lexa's lips and talking around the little nips and licks. "I'm not actually sure if I should say thank you or your welcome."

"How about you keep kissing me like this and we'll call it even." She smiled as she placed more kisses on the girl.

"I can do that." Raven pressed kisses to her lips and nipped along her jawline and back to her lips.

"Mm, just like that."

"Where is the-" Raven's eyes searched the area around them trying not to stop kissing Lexa. "-harness?"

"Under the bed," she managed to breathe out in between kisses.

"Get it?" Raven made no effort to pull away or stop kissing and nipping at her.

"Mm, how about you do it?" Lexa wrapped her arms tighter around the girl.

Pulling Lexa's lower lip with her teeth, Raven grunted and released so she could move to dangle herself over the edge to find and grab up the harness.

Lexa smirked, then slowly reached over to tickle the sides of the girl dangling over the edge.

"Hey!" Raven swatted out at the offending hands. "None of that- you're gonna make me fall off this damn bed!"

"Maybe that's what I want to do." Lexa chuckled before pouncing on the girl, tickling her sides, but making sure that she stayed on the bed.

"Lexa no- ugh will you..." Raven wriggled and swatted and lost the breath she'd barely gained back. "This is not how we sex!"

"But this is how we have fun!" Lexa laughed and pulled the girl back against her.

Raven threw herself into Lexa knocking her down onto her back and peppered kisses all over her face. "Have I told you how much I love this side of you?"

"What, the playful-and-not-brooding side?" Lexa laughed even harder. She loved just relaxing and getting to be normal like this. Times like these she could throw her title off to the side and just enjoy life.

"Don't get me wrong, the broody side is really great too. Usually one look from you like that and I'm dripping but this is what's making me fall for you even more." Raven looked down at the Commander with a smile that stretched from ear to ear. "Your laugh and that damn smile."

"It feels good to laugh, especially since I have to be so serious all the time. Especially laughing next to _you_ though."

"If you could see what I see." Raven's smile softened as she leaned down and pressed her lips solidly against Lexa's.

She arched up into the kiss, wanting to press every inch of skin against her.

Tossing the harness she was still holding off to the side of the bed, Raven pressed harder into the kiss, then started to poke and tickle up and down Lexa's sides. Two could play that game.

Lexa gasped and then started to squirm away. "Raven, no!"

"Raven yes!" She kept her fingers flying up and down the girl’s sides. "Tell me you love me and that I'm the best you've ever had!"

"Stop, please!" Lexa couldn't stop laughing. The words were hard to get out with the lack of oxygen. "I-I love you! You're the best!"

"Keep going"

"God, you're the best I've ever had! Now stop please!"

"Hell yeah I am!" Raven moved her hands up to the bed around Lexa's head.

"You are truly." Lexa breathed heavily, her chest heaving after the tickle fight.

"It's not like I won't remind you of that as often as possible."

"I know you will."

"That's okay?"

"Completely okay by me."

Raven's face lit up again with a huge smile. "I'm still a little worried I'm going to wake up back up on the Ark and all of this won't be real."

"This is not a dream. You could never dream up anyone as half as great as I am." Lexa chuckled.

"I believe you've got that mostly right. There _is_ no one even close." Raven's lips were now hovering right over Lexa's. Her voice taking on a little deeper tone.

"Is that so? Maybe you should prove how much you mean that."

"Anything." Raven ran her tongue over Lexa's bottom lip. "Anything for you."

"I like the sound of that."


	20. Chapter 20

Raven sat back on Lexa's hips rocking and grinding down. "What is it you would like to do...have me do to you? Do you want it _rough_ or gentle or is there something else you wanted to try out?"

"Well, you said you were going to do the same to me earlier..."

Ravens fingers skimmed their way up Lexa's flat and tones stomach to run circles around her pebble hard nipples. She made sure to keep the tips of her fingers just a hint away from actually touching them, heating the skin around them. "So is that what you want?" The glint in her eyes was anything but sweet.

Lexa nodded as her back arched, craving contact. "I trust you..."

"We are going to use the blindfold and rope but the rest won't be the same." The blindfold was in her hands and being placed around Lexa's head before she even had a chance to answer.

"But if it gets to be too much..." Lexa bit her lip, feeling her heart rate increase slightly.

"You'll tell me and I'll stop. Even if you think it might be too much, tell me okay?" Raven was looking Lexa in the eyes before she got the okay to pull the strip of cloth down.

Lexa nodded, looking straight back at her. "Okay."

"Okay." She kissed the tip of her nose and slipped the blindfold into place. “We're going to see- well actually not you, just me. I'm going to watch that pretty mouth of yours-" Raven moved from her spot on Lexa and slid the harness up and into place. "-blow me. Are you okay with that?" Raven took her hand and wrapped it around the dildo.

"You mean-" Lexa didn't have to finish the sentence. She knew where this was heading and the thought pooled in her core.

"I need you to tell me if this is okay, Lex."

"Yes, it is." Her mouth felt dry as she nodded.

"No ropes for this." Raven sat with her back against the headrest but slouched down enough so she could watch. "Okay...suck my dick _commander_."

Lexa crawled up to her, feeling the way there until she grabbed Raven's leg and guided herself up to where the harness sat. Once she had gotten her hand around the dildo she remembered what Raven had done and started with her mouth closed around the head of it.

All the air was pushed out of Raven's lungs as soon as Lexa had taken the tip into her mouth. Watching this was going to be more difficult than she had thought and she already wanted to push the back of the girls head down onto her.

Slowly, Lexa bobbed her head like she had watched the girl do before. She remembered some of the things she had liked, like how the harness shifted when Raven bobbed down, so she especially tried those things.

"You don't need to do that." The first rub over her clit made Raven's hips pop up a little too far.

Once she had pulled her mouth off to suck in a breath, she licked all the way from base to tip before wrapping her lips around it and bobbing again, going farther down each time.

"You're going to be the death of me, holy shit!" Raven was panting from the effort it took to not hold Lexa in place so she could fuck her mouth and from the way every time she pulled up, the backside of the harness was hitting her clit.

The exclamation only drove her further. Lexa decided in one bold move she was going to try what Raven had did and slide the entire length into her mouth. She got almost the whole way down, but holding it there was the problem.

Raven knew instantly what she was doing. "Here let me help you with that..." She was more mumbling than actually talking _to_ Lexa. Reaching down Raven ran her fingers lightly over Lexa's throat. "This might be one of the hottest things-"

Pulling off, Lexa gasped for air. Everything Raven was saying only drove her further. Once she could breathe normally, she went back down again, tugging the harness in the process.

"Do you like doing this to me- for me?"

When she came back up for air again, she nodded. She could tell just by listening how far gone Raven was, so she decided to play along with it. "I _love_ sucking your dick Raven. It's so nice and big and fits in my mouth. What would all the Ambassadors say if they saw how much I worship this dick? What would Anya say?" The entire time her hand pumped the dildo, making sure to tug on the harness.

Raven saw the words spilling from Lexa's mouth and still she could not believe what was happening. Open mouthed panting and hips canting up to chase the friction was almost all could do. Almost. Quickly regaining her composure, Raven yanked the blindfold up and leaned forward crashing their lips together.

Lexa moaned into the kiss, climbing on top of the girl in the process. Her hands held the cheeks pressed to her own, keeping her right there.

"We can save the props for another time." She barely managed to get around kissing Lexa. Pushing lightly on the girls shouldering, Raven was trying to get the girl to slide off and lay back on the bed. "I don't care who's here or who watches but not now. Now I want to lay back so I can make love to you. Is that okay?"

"You may do that any time you'd like." Lexa rolled over to the side and propped herself up on the pillows.

"I'd like" She was nodding and climbing between Lexa's legs, her mouth starting at her inner middle thigh with little kisses and barely there nips.

One of her hands made its way into the dark strands, not pushing the girl closer, but just as reassurance.

Inching her way up, Lexa's sweet and musky scent hit Raven's nose making her mouth water. She stuck her tongue out and swiped a path through her folds right up into her center, the taste so good it made her moan into her.

Lexa shivered at the touch, immediately wanting more. She moan quietly, urging Raven to go on.

Raven licked into Lexa drinking up as much as she could. Once she had taken enough she started licking in and out around her entrance. She'd brought her other hand up to join her tongue. One would dip inside and swirl then pull out as the other would repeat the same motions.

" _Jok…Sha_ Raven..." Lexa's fingers tugged gently at the strands in her grasp, her head tossed back on the pillows.

Raven let her free hand roam up over the taught and straining stomach muscles up to the two perfectly round breasts. She let her fingers glide over one then the other caressing and lightly scratching over the hardened peaks.

Lexa knew exactly why Raven had loved having her mouth on those peaks. The feeling of her fingers gliding over them send shivers down her spine.

Raven kept licking into Lexa, one long deep lick followed by one short swirl. The taste she thought, was better than the last time. She had started working her fingers through her folds up to and around Lexa's clit. Slowly she circled the bud, keeping the pace gentle and steady.

“ _Jok…beja, ai hodnes_ …” Lexa was already writhing on the bed, arching her back off it with every swirl and curl.

Switching her mouth and fingers, Raven closed her lips around the bud and let the tip of her tongue paint words and prayers. Two fingers pushed in, curled and pulled out a time or two. When she felt Lexa was ready she pushed three fingers in slow slow slowly. She curled on the way out and slammed them back in, slow curl out and slammed back in over and over.

Lexa's other hand had joined the first in Raven's hair, tangling into the strands and tugging. She wanted Raven's face as close as possible to her. It all just felt so _good._

Raven switched to flattening her tongue for broad strokes over Lexa's clit knowing her orgasm was not far off. The hand that was pushing in and out of her was in now longer than out, curling and pressing against that spot that made Lexa go mad.

The curling is what send her over the edge as juices flowed out of her core. The silent screams from her mouth turned into whimpers of pleasure.

Pulling off Lexa's clit but keeping her fingers pumping, Raven nipped and kissed her way up the length of her. Stopping midway she sucked both nipples into her mouth swirling her tongue around them one after the other.

Her body was on fire and Raven was not stopping the assault. Her tongue felt magical on her skin and breasts as the fingers inside her kept her on edge.

Lifting herself the rest of the way up, Raven slowed her fingers but did not stop them. Looking down at Lexa, watching the way her face told of how she felt was more than Raven had been expecting at that moment. "Why is it that I'm doing _this_ to _you_ yet _I’m_ the one who needs to be told it’s okay." Her voice trembled on the last word.

"W-What?" Lexa looked up at the girl. Coherent words were not going to be possible in English soon so she hoped Raven would clarify quickly.

Ignoring the question she pressed their lips together, sucking the bottom lip into her mouth and biting. She didn't want the words, didn't want to think about what or why. Pounding into Lexa sounded better so that's what she did. She pounded harder curling and pressing everywhere she knew Lexa liked.

The kiss sent her flying over the edge again as her head fell back and she cried out in pleasure. A new round of juices soaked the hand still stuck inside her clenched muscles.

Raven battled with herself. Did she want to see how much more Lexa could take or did she want to ease her down and let her enjoy the high. Deciding to let her enjoy, she slowed her pace until she could pull out completely.

Lexa breathed heavily. Every single time it felt like the first time she had with Raven. It was as if Raven knew just how to change it up each time.

Propping herself up on one elbow, Raven kept leaning in to press kisses against Lexa's nose and forehead then pulling back. "Was that okay?"

"More than okay," she smiled, leaning up and capturing Raven's lips to get a taste of herself.

"Mhmm," she hummed into the kiss. "One of the best things I've ever tasted."

"The combination of your taste and mine would be enough to kill any army."

That was it. That was what made her burst out laughing. Again. "What? Why an army?"

"With how strong and intoxicating it is, it could knock them all out."

"Well it is very intoxicating. I have to agree." Raven brought the fingers she had inside Lexa up to her mouth and began to lick them clean. "I could get drunk of you, Lex."

Lexa grabbed the wrist and pulled it to her own mouth, cleaning the fingers off one by one.

Her mouth went dry. Raven just watched. Eyes taking in everything that was happening and trying to accept it as real. "Fuck Lex…you're gonna get me going again."

She let each one slide out of her mouth, making a popping sound off of it. Smirking, she continued to clean off the fingers.

"So you _want_ to get me worked up again?" Raven pulled her hand back and slipped the last finger into her own mouth. She sucked and moaned while keeping the contact.

"If you're not getting worked up again how are we supposed to continue with all of tonight?"

Letting her now cleaned off finger fall from her mouth Raven looked down at the girl, a smirk pulling at the corners. "I guess you'll just have to come up with something now to _work_ me up."

"I mean, you got pretty worked up watching the _commander_ suck your dick. What if this time the _commander_ let you have control instead of me having control?"

" _Let_ me?" Raven ran the finger she had just pulled from her mouth all the way down her body to her folds. "Is that what you want Lex? Do you want me to fuck that magical mouth of yours with my dick?"

"Will it make you feel more powerful? Watching the _Mighty Commander_ on her knees getting her mouth fucked? What would everyone say if they found out?" Lexa was pushing this as far as she could. She knew Raven would go mad eventually.

Raven was so turned on listening to Lexa she could have squirted at that point and that had only been a one-time thing with that one toy she made back up on the Ark. Blinking back that thought she smashed her lips down against Lexa's licking and tugging and groaning into her mouth. "You're going to put it on me too." she had barely gotten out between heavy breaths.

Lexa pulled away, smirking. She sauntered over to where the harness was and picked it up, slowly coming back over to Raven.

Raven positioned herself so her legs were hanging over the edge of the bed and she was leaning back on her elbows. She knew it wouldn't give her much leverage to thrust up but she had already decided Lexa was not ready for that yet. "Get it on me already!" She growled. "I want to watch you on your knees."

Slowly, Lexa slid the harness into place on Raven, taking a while to adjust every strap into place. Once there, Lexa slowly sunk down to her knees, wrapping a hand around the dildo and slowly pumping it.

"Wait. Lex hold on." Raven put a hand on the girls shoulder to stop her. "You're okay with this? This is something you want to do right?"

"I would have stopped you already if it wasn't okay." With that, Lexa wrapped her mouth around the head again, sucking on it and waiting for Raven to make her move.

This girl was going to fry her brain. Raven was sure of it. And looking down now at the Commander of the…some amount of clans…Between her legs, on her knees with a dick in her mouth? This was turning her on in more ways than she could count. "Go ahead _Commander,_ slide down on me. Take as much as you can."

Lexa winked then slid down as far as she could, her nose hitting the soft skin of Raven's abdomen. Her hands braced herself on the furs on either side of Raven's hips.

" _Fuck_ " she whispered out. Eyes going comically huge before growing impossibly dark and hooded. Grabbing a handful of Lexa's hair, Raven pulled her head up and off the dildo. "I've never ever wanted to be a guy before but- Fuck! Do that again."

Again, she went down as far as she could, her nose pressing against the soft skin as one hand moved to Raven's thigh.

Pulling Lexa's head half way up so she didn't choke her too much, Raven finally let her hips press upwards causing the dick to hit the back of her throat and held her there.

Lexa closed her eyes and breathed in deeply through her nose before it hit her. She could feel her throat contracting around it, pulling at the dildo. It was a weird feeling, but she was relaxed enough that she didn't panic.

Loosening the grip she had in the commander's hair, Raven kept her eyes fixed on the way her mouth was stretched out and taking all of her. "What would your adviser say if she walked in right now and saw you like this? _Heda_ swallowing my dick like this?"

Lexa moaned around the dildo, gagging slightly on it as the sound forced its way out. She didn't panic, only moved her other hand to Raven's other thigh.

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Her hips jumped up a little harder. "Clarke thought it was _hot_ when she walked in and saw doing this to you. How would you like it if she was here watching this?"

After the second thrust Lexa pushed herself off to take in a deep breath. Her lungs were burning in a good way and she loved it. "I would love it if anyone saw us and saw just how much power you have over me," she panted out, taking a few more breaths before sliding the dildo back into her mouth.

Raven's hips started a slow pace working the dildo deeper into Lexa's mouth until she was taking the whole thing again. "Stick your tongue out. It makes it easier to take all of me." Raven grit her teeth and lost her battle with wanting to be gentle. She snapped her hips up and held Lexa's head down so she couldn't back off of her.

Lexa did as Raven said, sticking her tongue out until it touched the harness. She could feel it hit the back of her throat and stay as her forehead was almost touching Raven's skin.

Laying back on the bed so she could use both hands Raven was now holding Lexa in place while her hips were picking up a steady rhythm. The angle wasn't the best to watch but she still felt the little puffs of air hitting her lower abdominals. "You don't know how much I wish I could cum in your mouth like this."

Lexa moaned again, her hands sliding around and groping her ass, pulling her in closer with every thrust. With every thrust she could feel more spit building in her mouth as it coated the dildo and dribbled from her lips.

Raven let go and slowed down her thrusts; the effort tiring her out a more than she would have expected. "Ease up." Raven was panting and running her hands up and down her own sweat slicked body to try and calm herself.

Lexa pulled herself off again, swallowing before gasping for air. She could feel the sweat begin to bead up along her forehead and cheeks. The room did seem much warmer with their recent activities.

"You are a very fast learner." Raven peered down, eyes still hooded and glazed over. Her body was tingling every place they were touching. "That was…different."

"I learned from watching you." She winked, her hands sliding around and kneading the skin of Raven’s thighs.

"Huh?" Raven hummed from the feeling of Lexa's hands on her. It wasn't an overtly sexual touch...but it felt really good and kept her senses wanting more. "You should _insist_ I do that for you more often. It's only fair."

"Well I would, but I think that big brain of yours will find a way to create other things for us to play with." She carefully stood and climbed on the bed next to Raven, laying on her side.

She could not hold back the smile that spread across her face. "Who's to say that hasn't been done already?" Pulling on the harness a few times to emphasize her point. "There might be more down in the workshop."

"More that you haven't shared with me yet?" Lexa pretended to act hurt, but she couldn't hold back the chuckle.

Rolling over so she was on her side facing Lexa and the dildo poking right above pelvis, Raven stifled her laugh. "I feel like you may want me just for my sexual abilities. Which I _know_ are really good.

"As much as I love those abilities, I love you for other reasons too. Which I have already explained to you." One hand made its way up to her face, cupping Raven's cheek, running her thumb along her cheekbone.

"Right." Raven leaned into the touch. It was probably one of her favorite things that Lexa would do. "Let's not talk about that."

"We don't have to talk at all." Lexa smiled and leaned in, capturing Raven's lips in a gentle kiss.

Raven yawned into the kiss. She didn't want to admit it but she was exhausted. They had had so much sex and argued just as much the whole day. "Soon as I get this thing off me I think sleep should happen." Raven made no moves to undo the belt and snaps.

"Sleep sounds like a great idea." Lexa's hands moved to unstrap the harness, pulling it off the girl's hips and tossing it off the side of the bed. She climbed up to the pillows, pulling down the furs and patting the space next to her with her hand.

Raven let herself be maneuvered so Lexa could rid her of the harness while she just laid there a little lost in thought. After that was done she climbed up to the top of the bed and slid down under the furs, facing Lexa. "I hope you'll still love me when I'm not here to have sex with all the time." The words were whispered so gently they could easily have been imagined. When they stopped Raven closed her eyes and curled into Lexa's front, sleep hit her just like that.

"I will always love you...until the end of time," Lexa whispered, knowing full well Raven was asleep. She closed her own eyes and slowly drifted off.


	21. Chapter 21

When Raven's eyes slowly blink her from sleep she's a little unsure where she is. There is a curtain of brunette locks over her face and she is being held so tightly front to front that she can hardly breathe. Her face is pushed against Lexa's chest and Lexa's thigh is nestled between her own. "Lex..." She taps the girl’s hip trying to get some space and air. "Lex, I can't breathe."

Lexa only grunted and rolled over, releasing Raven but rolling into the perfect spot where the sunbeam shining in through the window hit her eyes. She squinted them closed, groaning.

"Good morning to you too." Raven ran a single finger from Lexa's neck to her navel.

"Shut up," she mumbled, pulling the furs closer to her body and curling up against the pillows.

"Well this isn't exactly the way I had pictured this moment playing out in my mind."

Lexa cracked open an eye, squinting at the girl next to her in the bright sunlight. "When I get to relax in bed in the morning instead of going to meetings I prefer not to be disturbed."

"Oh well then by all means…don't let your girlfriend disturb your peace- she wouldn't want to _interrupt_ your beauty sleep because she was suffocating." Raven shoved lightly at the girl.

"You weren't suffocating until you woke up." Lexa rolled onto her back, stretching her arms above her head before her eyes blinked open.

"Right. I woke up and there was a serious lack of air being taken in to my lungs." She ran her fingers down the length of Lexa's torso again. The feeling serving as a way of relaxing her mind. "And why is your hold like a vice grip?"

Lexa shrugged, turning her head to the side to look at Raven. "Maybe I just don't ever want to let you go."

Knowing this could go bad very quickly like it had the previous day Raven opted for a calmer response. "I'd like to hope so."

She smiled. "So, what are our plans for the day? Stay right here for as long as possible? Or shall we take a little trip to the workshop so you can pick up some things?"

"Our plans?" The words felt strange on her tongue. She knew that she loved Lexa and was mostly certain Lexa loved her and was hers but the moments that 'we' and 'us' and now 'our' were thrown out it still shocked her. "I think a trip down there would be worth it."

"Alright, but breakfast first. We will need quite a lot of energy for today." She swung her legs off the side of the bed, sitting up and stretching again before standing and walking over to the closet. She grabbed out two robes and tossed one to Raven before pulling her own on.

Catching the robe before it hit her, Raven had made to stand up from the bed but quickly sat right back in place. The twinge of pain was just enough to get her attention more than any other morning. She knew she had pushed herself a lot more than she normally had. Taking a deep breath Raven stood slowly and tried to mask her pain by swinging the robe out and over her shoulders then slipped her arms into the sleeves once she was standing and steady. "Yes, Breakfast. You'll need all the energy you can get."

Lexa had noticed the face Raven made. "How bad is it?" she asked, coming over to her side.

"It's fine." Raven shook her head and stiffened when Lexa came close. "I'm fine, really. It's okay."

"Are you sure? We can stop by one of the healers' huts to see if they have anything to help relieve some of the pain."

"Yeah sure, okay. Nothing really ever helps but sure."

"I'm just trying to help." Lexa's voice dropped in volume, hearing the defensive tone coming from the girl.

"I know, Lex. I know you are." Raven brought a hand up to caress the girl's chin. "But I can't let myself think about this getting better."

"It may never heal, but we can still try to dampen the pain." A small knock at the door caused her to turn and pad over to the door. Pulling it open, she moved to the side as a few women came in with food, followed by Anya.

"I thought I'd check in quickly this morning, since I presume you have a very busy day ahead of you." She walked in as the women placed food on the table and exited quickly.

Raven stepped to the table set up with food and sat. Even just those few steps were more effort than she was used to. Looking over at the pair, she nodded a hello to Anya and smiled at Lexa while she waiting for them to finish whatever it was they need to do.

They talked quietly for a second before Lexa joined Raven at the table. Anya began walking out of the room but paused at the door. "You two may want to burn some of those scented candles today. The room has a certain... _odor_ to it."

"Jealous?" Raven offered before she realized what she'd said but shrugged it off and laughed.

Anya only chuckled as she closed the door behind her. Lexa, on the other hand, was struggling to stifle her laugh.

"What? She brought it up. And it's not like that isn't exactly what happened."

Lexa just waved it off. "Don't worry about it. It's nothing." she began to pull food from the platters in front of her.

"Mhmm" Was all Raven could offer around a mouthful of food.

~~

Anya made her way down the first set of stairs and into the hall, stopping to knock on the door in front of her.

Clarke swung the door open hoping to see exactly who was stood before her. The smile she was giving Anya reached every bit of her face including her eyes.

The smiled spread to Anya's face as she stepped inside the room. "Did you sleep well last night?"

Leaning into Anya once the door had clicked closed, Clarke pressed a soft somewhat tentative kiss to her lips. "Surprisingly well."

She looked down at the blonde girl, her fingers tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm glad to hear that."

"You know, it would have been even better if I didn't wake to an empty bed, Anya."

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't have left if I didn't have to." She cupped Clarke's cheek in her hand. "There was nothing more I wanted than to stay and relax. If it makes you feel any better, I did run into a slightly uncomfortable situation when I left."

Turning her head, Clarke placed a few light kisses into Anya palm before she reached up taking the hand into her own. She walked the few feet over to her couch and motioned Anya to join her as she sat. "Did something happen with the scouts? I'm still waiting to hear from a few of the chiefs that maintains the lands west of Arkadia."

"No, no. Nothing like that." Anya joined her in the couch. "I mean...Lexa saw me leaving your room."

“Oh…Oh!”

"Yes...everything's fine though. I have spoken to her."

"Not that Lexa has a say in what I do but what do you mean 'everything's fine'?" Clarke had turned slightly so she was now facing Anya.

"I mean that she understands. That's all."

"Understands?!" Clarke had come clear off the cushion and was standing now. " _She_ understands? Am I hearing you correctly?"

"Clarke, please sit down." Anya reached for the girl's hand.

"You do realize-" Clarke started as she swatted Anya's hand away. "-that _she_ bedded _my_ closest friend and there was no 'oh maybe I should check with…actually it's fine. Doesn't matter anymore."

Anya stood and grabbed Clarke by the shoulders, turning her so they were facing each other. "Forget about her. Forget I said anything. Just know that she won't be disturbing us."

"Forgotten. If we are going to- you do still want to do whatever this is?" Clarke was motioning between them.

"Of course I do." She gently rubbed her shoulders, looking straight at the blue eyes in front of her. "I told you yesterday."

"I've learned that it doesn't hurt to be sure about certain things." Clarke again stepped into Anya's space, close enough so they were breathing the same air.

"You can be sure about this one." Anya leaned down and captured Clarke's lips in a gentle but needy kiss.

Clarke let everything else fall away settling into the kiss. It was slow and soft until it was deeper and more insistent. It became hands moving to sides and persistent touches. "Now this is a much better good morning."

"How about I make it up to you? For leaving yesterday?" Anya slowly slipped the robe off of Clarke's shoulders.

"I would be a fool to say no to that." Clarke's chest was heaving with anticipation. Her hands moving back to Anya's sides after letting the robe fall to the floor revealing nothing underneath.

Anya bit her lip to stifle the moan rising in her throat. She slowly led Clarke over to the bed, stripping off her shirt and pants in the process before pushing Clarke down on the bed and climbing on top of her.

"Now this-" She pulled Anya down connecting their lips. "-is so much better." Her hands threaded into the warrior’s hair. Hips rolling and one leg hiked up around her hip, Clarke was very much going to enjoy this.

"Shh, let me do all the work. You just sit back and enjoy." Her mouth trailed down Clarke's cheek and neck, kissing and nipping at the skin.

Clarke nodded and let her head rest against the pillows. She was not going to pass up the chance to have a repeat performance of the night before and that was definitely a very pleasant few hours. "Again I would be foolish to not let you."

Raven had been knocking lightly on Clarke's door when she finally heard a hint of her voice. Assuming it was meant for her, Raven walked in and was closing the door before she head it. The moan. Two people moaning.

Anya heard the door open as the tip of her tongue was pressed against Clarke's clit, drawing small circles around it. She quickly sat up and turned, thankful that she somehow managed to keep her undergarments on at this point.

"Okay maybe not so jealous after all." Raven barked out before she started to laugh. "I knew it too!" She just kept laughing, making no move to turn and leave.

"Yes, hilarious. Now go!" Anya was strategically placing herself in front of Clarke, shielding her from her laughing friend.

Raven was now doubled over laughing even more. "Like I haven't seen what princess is working with?"

"Raven! Out!" Anya had moved off the bed now and was rapidly heading towards the girl.

Raven was still gasping for air from laughing but she knew Anya was serious once she left the bed. Scrambling to the door raven had it opened and was halfway out before she yelled back to Clarke. "If you come find me later I have that thing you like from that one _movie_ you like so much."

Anya slammed the door shut, locking it before turning back to the bed with a huff. She walked back over to the bed, climbing back on top of Clarke.

Clarke's lips were pressed in a tight line. She had been trying to hold in her own laughter but was quickly losing that battle. "Well if nothing else, you'll like the thing she was yelling about."

"Save that for later. I was interrupted before I could finish what we've started." She went back again, trailing kisses and nips at the soft flesh, moving ever so slowly downward.

"Yes please get back to what you were doing. And doing rather well might I add."


	22. Chapter 22

Raven had picked up the last bit of the mess from the day before and was almost finished fixing the radio she had made for Lexa when she realized there was a part missing. An important part that without it wouldn't work. A few minutes of going through the other little pieces and parts for the other radios Raven growled out her annoyance.

"Need help finding something?" Lexa had walked in a minute ago but stopped to watch Raven shuffle through the pieces. She was currently chewing on a piece of candy given to her by a child as she had walked passed his parent's hut as they cooked another batch.

"Why didn't you take your radio?" Raven knew she was mostly upset because she couldn't find that one specific piece but the doubt crept in. "Do you not want it? Because you can just tell me-"

"No I do. I was just upset and must have forgotten it..." She walked over and joined Raven at the bench, holding out another piece of candy. "Here, have a sweet to relax yourself.”

Raven had her head tilted towards Lexa and mouth opened. She was still fiddling with one some scrap and didn't want to lose her place.

Lexa gently placed the piece on Raven's tongue, swallowing her own in the process. "What is it that you were looking for when I came in?"

Raven closed her mouth around the way too sweet something on her tongue and pulled a face reflecting her dislike. Chewing it as quickly as she could, Raven looked up at Lexa with a frown. "Please let that be the last time you put anything in my mouth that I don't like."

"What's wrong with it? They are delicious." Lexa smiled and she popped another into her mouth, looking down at the bag. "If you don't want anymore, that's fine. More for me."

"I don't." Raven shivered at the thought. Not the good shiver either.

Lexa just shrugged and chewed on the piece in her mouth. "Now will you please tell me what you were looking for so I can help you find it?"

"It's a little piece from your radio. It's small and looks like a dial and I can't find it anywhere!" Raven bent down with a grunt and was now feeling under the bottom shelves of the two benches along the side wall where most of the things from her bench had been swiped.

"A dial? Like this?" Lexa pulled the small piece from her pocket. She had almost stepped on it walking through the shop and thought it was interesting. She remembered putting it in her pocket to hold onto it for later.

Looking up from the floor Raven knew instantly that was the piece she was missing. When the back of her head slammed into the metal container sticking out a little further than rest Raven spewed out more choice words than needed and cursed a river again when her knee crunched on a piece of pointy scrap. "Why?!"

Lexa quickly bent down to help her up the rest of the way. "I think this is karma for waking me up early."

"Early?" Raven was rubbing at both her head and knee. "The sun was halfway into the sky. Isn't that a half done day to you? Karma...you are really trying to not get laid today."

Lexa shook her head. "Finish the radio."

"Not helping yourself here." Raven's eyes widened and her head tilted to the side.

"And how do you suppose I help my cause?"

"You'll have to figure that out for yourself. I have things to fix." In a blur of pieces and parts and soldering, Raven handed the radio over. "Maybe don't leave it this time."

Lexa smiled. "I don't plan on it." She took the radio and turned it over in her hands, looking over every single piece of it.

"The little knob on the top turns it on and the dial next to it tunes it." Raven was pointing to each part as she explained. "I have it set to what _should_ work with the one I have back in Arkadia so don't fiddle with it."

"Alright. That sounds easy enough." Lexa put the radio down next to the small bag and continued to watch Raven.

“So do all of the grounder warrior women look like they've been sculpted by the Greek Gods?" Raven's tongue peaked out to run along her dry lips. Dry for more reasons than one.

"What do you mean?" Lexa looked at her, puzzled.

"Anya. With Clarke. In Clarke's bed. And there was not much clothing being worn."

Lexa's eyes went wide. "Oh...you saw them..."

"Saw and heard. And I've seen what Clarke- wait, you knew?" Raven's brow was furrowed causing her to squint up at her.

"I may have run into Anya as she was leaving the room...yesterday...I was going to tell you, I swear. I just..." Lexa bit her lip, watching Raven.

"No Lex I didn't mean it like that. But…She probably won't be coming back to Arkadia with me now." Raven shook her head dismissing the thoughts.

"Clarke will travel with you. They are her people. She is the one who proposed your return there. Not even Anya would keep her here."

"Right. Her people."

"And you too. She loves you in an entirely different way. She wouldn't want you to have to leave alone."

She huffed out a laugh. "Entirely different is one way of putting it." Raven placed a cylindrical shaped object resembling the dildo but slimmer and with a more curved end into Lexa's hands. "Push the button on the end."

Lexa took the object and examined it before pressing the button. She yelped as the object came to life and quickly dropped it on the workbench.

Grabbing it up before it vibrated every loose and spare little piece into the floor, Raven was barely holding her laughter in. Hitting the button turning it off, she handed it back to her.

"What is that?" Lexa held it carefully, afraid it would attack her again like it just did.

"I know you've seen one of those before because I know the exact _movie_ it was in that's am also sure you've watched." The grin Raven was giving Lexa was anything but sweet.

"Movie?" Lexa was thoroughly confused. Why would Raven think she had seen this before?

"I happen to know the types of things Clarke… _shared_ with you."

"I don't...oh..." Lexa's face turned a few shades redder than normal. "That."

"Yep. That." Raven took a minute to observe the girl standing next to her. "That one is for you."

Lexa bit her lip, looking at the object. "We'll try it out later."

"Or..." Raven plucked the vibrator from Lexa's hands and had it clicked on and pressed up against her core in a flash. "We can test it out right now."

A small moan escaped her lips as the vibrations pulsed against her core. "Now's good too..."

 

Raven pulled her hand away clicking the button to turn the little toy off. "And that will be much better later."

Lexa pouted. The vibration were such an interesting feeling, she didn't want them to stop.

Raven had moved to a shelf towards the back of the workspace and was rooting around in one of the containers until she pulled out one more rounded object that had a little more curve to one end and a dildo that was a little different in size to the one currently up in Lexa's room. Raven placed these two new objects on the bench with a shrug. "Long lonely nights…"

Lexa's eyes grew at the sight of the toys. "How many do you have..."

"Here or…?"

If her eyes could have gotten any bigger they would have popped out of her head. "There are more? In Arkadia?"

"Building things with my hands is what I do Lex. Even little things like this. And so far you like what I've done." Raven pressed kisses down the length of Lexa's neck and back up to tug her earlobe.

"I do thoroughly enjoy these. I encourage you to keep making them as well." She smiled, closing her eyes at the touch of Raven's lips.

"You can always go close and lock the door _Commander_." she breathed into her ear.

Lexa moved a bit too quickly, locking the door and hurrying back to the workbench.

Raven pulled Lexa in for a heated kiss of teeth and tongue. With the toy in hand she walked them backwards until her legs hit the cushioned bench. "Why don't you take off some of your layers, unless you think you'll be needing them?"

"The same goes for you too." Lexa tugged the shirt over her head, tossing it over to the side.

Raven had her hands tugging her shirt up and off and was working on the button of her pants when her eyes fell on the brace. Releasing a steady breath knowing it would not be a good idea to take it off she turned her attention back up to Lexa. They would have to work around it. "This is about you Lex." Her hands were working the buttons and belts and buckles to get Lexa's pants open and pulled down just to her thighs.

"It's about you too though." She quickly pulled the pants down the rest of the way, slipping out of them before recapturing Raven's lips in another heated kiss.

"Oh trust me..." Breaking the kiss Raven eased down onto the seat and patted her lap. "I'm going to get plenty from this."

Lexa smirked and lowered herself onto the girl's lap, cupping her cheeks and kissing her again while grinding her hips down.

Placing the toy off to the side, Raven let her hands roam up her thighs tugging her in tight. Just the feeling of Lexa flush against her like this was making it hard to breathe.

"So, what are the plans for today?" Lexa's hips picked up a rhythm, grinding down into Raven under her.

"A lot of this." Sliding her mouth down her jaw to that spot on Lexa's neck that seemed to affect her the most. "A lot of you like this." Raven reached up to loosen the bindings but palming the girl’s chest before letting the wrap fall off.

Lexa gasped, her head rolling to the side exposing that spot. "Sounds like a great plan to me."

"I always have great plans" she mumbled out around a very hard and straining peak. The other being kneaded, thumb circling and pressing. Raven's free hand had come up to cup the girl’s core feeling the heat right through the thin material.

Lexa's fingers tangled themselves into Raven's hair, pulling her mouth even closer to the bud. She continued to grind on her hand, hoping to gain some sort of friction to mend the ache in her core.

Letting the nipple go with a pop Raven bit down on the other and released just as quickly. "Put your hands flat against the wall behind my head." Raven's hands ran up and down the girls back; once to drag her nails the length of it and again to map the dips and hollows of scar tissue over defined muscles.

Lexa did as Raven said, pressing her body into the hand that was currently mapping out the expanses of skin.

Raven bit and nipped and sucked her way down between Lexa's chest to her stomach stopping mid stomach. "Lean up onto your knees for me Lex."

She leaned up, her breath ragged and shallow. The ache in her core only grew.

Yanking down the last bit of material as far down as she could get it, Raven had her mouth on Lexa's center, licking up through her folds to her clit. Both hands cupped the girl’s ass to hold her in place.

"Oh, _fuck_..." Lexa's hips jumped forward at the contact, realizing just how bad the ache had gotten before Raven's tongue had touched her.

Raven let one hand fall away to search out the toy. Her mouth was licking from entrance to clit and back collecting all the juices she could. Blindly she found the vibrator and brought it up and dipped the tip in and pulled it out a few times to let Lexa know her intentions. "Don't take your hands off the wall." Raven panted out before reattaching her mouth to the girl’s clit.

"That's going to be hard with how good this feels..." She groaned out, the feeling of the toy before it even started vibrating already making her shiver.

Not wanting to take her mouth away from her she just shook her head the small amount that she could. This was not going to be one of those times she stopped if Lexa didn’t do what Raven wanted. With that thought Raven did push the tip slow slow slowly back up into Lexa's core. Backing out and pushing in, Raven had started a rhythm that began to increase in speed. The second she hit the button the toy jumped to life and Raven sucked her clit harder into her mouth.

The minute the vibrations started, Lexa cried out. She told herself she would never fight with Raven again if she could make magic like this. Within a minute the first waves of her orgasm hit her, her abs tensing. She managed to keep her hands on the wall as she whimpered. She never wanted this feeling to stop.

Letting her clit go in favor of wide circled around it, Raven eased Lexa through her orgasm and slowed the pace of the toy to a near stop but still moving in and out. She had it angled so it pressed the back wall to keep her still on the edge but not pushing her over. "We're gonna do that again and you can move your hands now." Her words weren't even out of her mouth yet before she had the vibrator stroking in and out again. This time she pressed heavily against the front wall in the place that has made Lexa react the most.

Almost automatically Lexa's hands were in Raven's hair, pulling her mouth back to her aching bud. She knew with the way the vibrations were hitting her wall she'd be falling apart again soon. "Don't stop... _beja_..." she managed to pant out.

Raven slowed her thrusts avoiding that spot she knew Lexa would be chasing. Her tongue kept sweeping in wide circles around her clit.

Lexa could feel her own hips rocking against the vibrator, trying to push it into the spot that would send her tumbling into bliss. Her mind was no longer controlling her movements-hell, she was almost sure the vibrations echoing throughout her body had melted her brain.

"Are you ready _Commander_?”

" _Sha...sha…_ ” she panted out, eyes squeezed shut and hands holding fistfuls of hair.

"I want the Commander right now." Her hand slowed just a little bit more, thrusts become shallower.

Lexa whined, then growled and rocked even harder. "Raven, fuck me. _Now_."

"The Commander doesn't whine." She flicked her tongue against Lexa's clit then pulled away. "Make me fuck you until you cum."

Lexa leaned down as much as she could and growled into Raven's ear. "If you don't fuck me _now_...later I'll make you regret not fucking me in the first place."

Raven hooked her arm around Lexa's neck holding her in place with every bit of strength she had in her. At the same time she pushes the vibrator all the way in only to slide it out half way and tilted hard against the spot. Her spot. The place Raven knew was going to push Lexa over the edge. She held it there letting the vibrations work her over.

Lexa sunk her teeth into Raven's neck, crying out against the skin as she clenched around the vibrator. The rush of liquid felt different this time, as if her entire body melted and built up inside her core, releasing itself in a flood of pleasure and vibrations.

"Again Lex." Raven slid the toy from Lexa's core and places it directly over her clit, holding it firmly in place.

The movement of the vibrator from inside her to her clit brought another round of waves coursing through her body. The buildup was too much for her as her core clenched again. She cried out again as the juices squirted out around the vibrator.

Raven clicked the toy off and dropped it down beside her. Wrapping her arms around Lexa's waist, Raven just held her there letting her come down. She places a few lazy kisses on the girl’s lips but stayed quiet.

Lexa's chest heaved for air as she collapsed against her, curling into Raven's chest. Her core was still throbbing and sensitive whole the rest of her body shook from the high she was on.

"It's going to keep rolling through your body." she murmured.

She already knew before Raven had said anything. This time was much different from the previous times. The waves continued to pulse through her body, a small whimper escaping her lips.

"I take it you liked that?" Raven continued to press kisses to every inch of Lexa's skin she could reach.

Lexa nodded, burying her face into Raven's neck. The waves slowly let up, allowing her to finally relax against the girl.

"You squirted all over me too." Just the idea of it happening again caused Raven's pulse to quicken.

Lexa looked down at the wet patch on Raven's pants. "I-is that normal?" She still couldn't control her voice, never mind the rest of her body.

"I wouldn't exactly say it was normal but in this case it was a very good thing. Now that I know you do I'm going to try for it every time."

"Shit...every time? I don't think I can do it every time..." Lexa chuckled, curling tighter against the girl. "I don't think I can move."

"So you don't want to go again now?" Raven suckled Lexa's pulse point.

"God yes again...but please let me lay down. I don't think I could hold myself upright."

Raven patted the space beside her. "There isn't really a lot of space for that in here…"

"I would happily lay on the ground...or we can carefully clean off that workbench." Lexa made no efforts to move yet.

"Wouldn't the Commander normally have super strength and stamina? Isn't that what you told me?"

"Shut up. The Commander already left and it's only weak little Lexa left here."

" _Heda_ has gone soft." Raven managed to choke back a laugh but her face told a different story.

" _Heda_ was just fucked into the past." Lexa's eyes were closed, resting against the warm skin.

"I make _Heda_ weak?" Raven let her fingertips trail up and down her spine.

"You will always make _Heda_ weak." She finally opened her eyes and looked up at the girl, scanning her face for any signs.

Raven leaned forward so she could rest her head in the crook of Lexa's neck. "You don't really want to do it on the ground, do you?"

"No. Give me a minute and we can clean off the bench." She finally found the strength to roll onto the small bit on bench next to Raven.

"We can just stay right here." Raven let out a long heavy breath adjusting to sit up. She gritted her teeth for a split second but swallowed the pain down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC next chapter (AKA another awkward cutoff)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for the amount of angst in this chapter...
> 
> Also just a heads up there is a panic attack in here FYI

"Raven, what's wrong?" Lexa placed a hand on her leg, gently squeezing, trying to comfort the girl. She knew that she was in pain, but there was more behind that.

Raven shook her head again trying to tamp down the pain. "It's nothing that I can't handle or haven't been handling."

"I'm not talking about the pain."

"I'm _fine_." The muscles of Raven's jaw were visibly flexing. Pushing off the wall, she took deep breath through her nose and stood.

"Raven, you do not need to hide anything from me. You can share everything with me."

"Except for the times when I actually do want to talk and you shush me?" Raven picked up her shirt from the shelf it had landed on and yanked it down over her head.

"I'm sorry if I have, but I'm always here to talk. You can shush me if I shush you."

"Fine. Shush."

"Raven..." Lexa stood and walked over to her, touching her shoulder gently.

"When I needed to talk you thought it was best to walk out of here and leave me alone with myself. So I think we should stick with that."

"From now on then. Whenever you need to talk I will stay and talk. I want you to share your feelings."

"You've already implied that. And yet you didn't. Look, can we just not do this?"

"No, we need to do this. I'm afraid you don't love me the way I love you because you're broken inside."

Raven gasped so hard she had to lean against the bench behind her. "I'm sorry I'm what?" She had both hands gripping the edge of the bench so tight they were turning white. How dare.. Raven was barely maintaining her composure. "You don't know the first thing about-" She took a deep breath before she spoke again. "Is this because I don't back down or bow to your demands?"

"No, it's never about that. I know you've had a rough time...with feelings and such. But I want you to be open with me. Just like how I am open with you." As she spoke, Lexa picked up each piece of clothing and began redressing herself, watching Raven closely.

"Do you even realize what you are saying right now?" Raven was switching between shock and anger and back again so quickly it was starting to make her head spin. "Open with me?!" She was practically yelling now.

"Raven, please. Yes I don't know the first thing about how you feel because you keep everything bottled up inside of you and shrug everything off like it's fine. It's not though. I can't commit anymore to...whatever this is unless you commit too. And I know you can't seem to open up, so I'm fully expecting this to be a one-sided affair. I don't want one-sided." Lexa's volume was rising as well as she stepped towards Raven.

"You don't get to do that." Raven's breaths were slow and measured. Her nose was flared and her eyes were completely closed off. "Let me save you the trouble of having _whatever this is_ to worry about. There's nothing to commit to."

Lexa stopped, her eyes going wide. "What?" Her voice was barely a whisper as her eyes began to well up with tears.

"You don't get to do this. The moment _I_ needed someone to open up to and started to do so _you_ bailed. Just like everyone else. When it became _my_ needs it wasn't convenient for you."

"I...I didn't know...you should have told me..." The tears began streaking down her cheeks. She couldn't help it. The words stung every part of her.

Losing the last bit of her composure Raven brought her fist down on the bench like she had done once before. Now breathing heavily, she kept her eyes anywhere but on Lexa. "I did tell you! But apparently you didn't like what I said so now…I don't want to talk about it. I can't just keep letting people in only to have them-"

She had no clue how to respond. Emotions swirled through her head, battling each other. "I would never hurt you like that. Ever. But since you'd rather not commit, let me save you the trouble of having to open yourself up to anyone else." Lexa turned to leave, walking as far as the workshop door before stopping. She couldn't bring herself to leave Raven behind like this.

With the ache in her leg already more than she used to then the added pain that always seemed to increase when she was stressed, Raven's nerves were fraying with every passing minute. She shifted so her back was to the exit. "I don't want you to go."

"Then I won't." The crack in her voice was apparent, along with the tears flowing down her face. She turned and walked back halfway, leaning against a set of shelves and watching Raven.

"I don't want you to be this far away from me."

"I don't want us to fight like this." Lexa walked up to the bench, standing next to Raven again.

Raven reached up and wiped at the tear tracks but still couldn't meet Lexa's eyes. She wasn't sure if it would be okay but she did it anyway. She curled down into the girl’s body, head coming to rest on her shoulder. "I should be over it by now. I know I should be."

Arms wrapped around the girl, hugging her close to Lexa's body. "Someone once told me that those things we have not moved on from are the ones we cared about the most. It's okay that you're not over it yet. I know that one day you will be, and I will be right by your side when you do."

"It's not _him_ that I’m not over." She pulled her head back to finally look into Lexa's eyes. "It's just- everything."

"I wasn't talking about him. I was talking about everything. You care for all those around you, the ones you keep close. Sometimes it's just too much."

'It is...too much sometimes."

"I will always be here for you when it gets to be too much. Whenever you want to talk."

The only reply Raven could offer was a nod. Lexa hadn't understood. She was pretty sure this could not have gone worse than if she had let the girl walk out.

"Is everything okay now? And be honest with me." Lexa wasn't sure how Raven was feeling. Her replies seemed weak.

"Yeah…yeah s'okay." The panic Raven began to feel when she heard the question was what stopped her. "It's all okay."

"Are you sure? I want to make sure I understand everything that's going on inside that big brain of yours."

"I don't even understand everything up there."

"You understand more than I do. But seriously, are you sure?" One of Lexa's hands cupped Raven's cheek, rubbing her thumb along the cheekbone.

The panic inside Raven increased when she felt Lexa's hands on her face. She hadn't meant to pull away so quickly but it felt wrong. Everything about the room and how close Lexa still was to her. The air. "I need…uhm I need some air." Raven had stepped to the door, opened it and was out in the busy market streets within a few short seconds.

Lexa followed her to the doorway, watching Raven hobble outside. She knew something wasn't and wanted to try and right it.

Raven had been bent over but leaning on the outside wall to her little workshop panting and counting backwards from 100. It had been a few months since her last panic attack but there she was. Gasping and counting.

Lexa quickly grabbed her and pulled her in, sliding down the wall and pulling the girl tightly against her chest. "Focus on my breathing...breathe in and out with me..."

"76, 75, 74- Can you go get Clarke…73, 72…" Raven pulled away so she wasn't so restricted.

"Of course." She quickly stood up and sprinted into the tower, taking the elevator and bursting out onto Clarke's floor. "Clarke!"

Clarke blinked her eyes open lifting her head from Anya's bare chest when she heard her name drifting into her room. They had been dozing and enjoying being relaxed with each other after a few rounds of not so casual sex. "Is that...? Ahn? Is that Lexa?"

Anya groaned, throwing an arm over her eyes.

Lexa burst through the door, knowing exactly how she would find the two of them. "Clarke...Raven..." She panted, pointing outside.

"Raven? What about-?" Clarke pecked Anya's lips as if it was something they'd always done and rolled out of bed while pulling her robe on. "What's wrong?"

"Panic attack...outside the workshop..."

Clarke was tossing the robe aside to step into her pants and yank down her shirt. "What happened?" She was moving around the space stepping into her boots and fastening the thigh strap for her dagger. "If this is your doing-" Clarke cut herself off knowing better than to make a threat with both Lexa and Anya there.

"I don't know what happened...we were talking and then she said she needed some air..."

Anya had sat up in bed, watching the two of them. "Clarke, just worry about helping Raven right now."

Clarke shot Lexa a look of annoyance then nodded back to Anya. "I'll find you later?" Without waiting for a reply or to see if Lexa would follow, Clarke was slamming the door behind her.

Lexa quickly ran out behind her, following her back out into the street and towards the workshop.

Clarke stopped short in front of Lexa, turning only her head to the side. Her voice was low and even. "Raven…I think you should let me deal with this, Lexa. Alone."

Lexa nodded. "I'm...I'll be upstairs in my room." She turned and walked back up the street.

Raven was still sitting with her back against the wall, head bent down between her knees, still counting backwards. "33, 32, 31..."

Clarke carefully went over and sat next to Raven, close enough that she would know Clarke was there but still giving her enough room. "Raven...is it okay if I touch you...?"

Looking up as soon as she heard Clarke's voice, Raven was nodding and already starting to lean towards her.

Clarke carefully wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders, rubbing her arm gently.

The counting has tapered off at 19 when she felt Clarke next to her. The breathing was still a struggle but Raven was calming down almost as fast as she had spiked into the panic attack.

Clarke sat in silence as she listened to the breathing next to her slow down. She pulled Raven in a tad bit closer, watching to make sure it didn't spike up again.

"I'm sorry if I took you away from…what you were doing." Raven shifted so she was as close as she could get to the girl beside her. Everything touching down to their legs.

"Shh, don't worry about that."

"Sometimes I think about what life would be like if we were still up on the Ark." Raven let her head fall into Clarke's shoulder. Her breathing back to a normal rate.

"And how do you imagine it?"

"I don't really know..? Finn probably would have been floated. Because of me. So there's that."

"We never would have met...I would've been floated eventually...maybe coming down here was the best thing."

"Do you think I didn't know who you were?" Raven pulled in one last deep breath as she felt her body relaxing. The easy banter between herself and Clarke making it that much faster to be through the panic attack. "Everyone knew who Clarke Griffin was."

"Everyone knew who I was because of my mother...and what my father did..." Clarke leaned her head against Raven's, just sitting there.

"I should have been floated." Raven held out her hand needing that one last bit of contact between them.

Clarke grabbed her hand, interlocking their fingers. "No, don't say that."

"That's actually...just a fact. Maybe that's why I couldn't hate him. Or you. I don't know.

"Let's not worry about him then, hm? I know it's tough moving on..."

"Right." Lifting her head from the shoulder, Raven turned to look at Clarke. "She said I'm broken inside…Am I?"

"She said what?" Clarke's anger began bubbling up, but she pushed it back down. "I think we all are."

"Maybe...I guess. It was just the _way_ she said it. Like there is something extra wrong with me." Letting Clarke's hand go, Raven heaved herself up to her feet. "Besides my lame ass leg that hurts _all_ the time or the fact that she just can't understand that going back to Arkadia is scaring the shit out of me."

"She was probably angry...and you think she wants you to go back? Not from what Anya's telling me." Clarke stood, watching Raven to make sure she got up alright.

"Honestly I don't know what she wants. She just babbles about how I have to go back and how Arkadia needs me. What the hell is that? And stop looking at me like that."

"I think she doesn't want to let you go, but she also doesn't want her emotions taking over."

Raven started to pace in a tight circle. The limp was there but she was trying her hardest to not show it. "What did Anya tell you? When her face wasn't between your legs, which by the way, was not a shock."

"Anya can see how much you're affecting her-in a good way, I might add. But at the same time, she doesn't want you to leave and knows you have to leave at the same time. It's tearing her apart."

The pacing came to a dead stop. Raven snapped her head up at Clarke, her words finally sinking in. "Maybe I didn't see that. Or maybe- I wasn't even looking."

"Raven, she loves you. From what I can tell, more than she loved me. She's trying her best for you, but you have to let her in."

Raven slid her arms around Clarke and squeezed tight. "I don't know about more, you did do the whole saving her life thing. How about just differently." Pulling her head back to rest against Clarke's forehead, Raven let a lazy smile spread across her mouth. "If you were go into my workshop and look to the left…say bottom shelf…You might find a little thank you in a box."

Clarke smiled, hugging the girl back. "I'll go grab it, but I think there's someone you need to go talk to."

"I know. Why do you think I told you were to find it?"


	24. Chapter 24

Raven was half way through the market before she let herself look up at the tower. Why did she have to be _all_ the way at the top? Lexa was going to be the death of her, she just knew it.

Lexa stood on the balcony looking out at the market. It had been quite some time since she had left Clarke and Raven and she wondered how they were doing.

Stepping out of the elevator after what felt like forever, Raven made her way down the hall knocking once on the Commander's door.

Lexa slowly made her way to the door, her face lighting up upon seeing Raven.

"I'm not broken!" Raven poked Lexa in the chest hard. "Stubborn maybe. An asshole? Most of the time." She poked again as she walked them deeper into the room. "Ask me to stay."

"What?" Lexa was surprised by this response. She hasn't really anticipated how Raven was going to react, but this was unexpected. "I would want nothing more in this world than for you to stay..."

"Ask me to stay." She repeated.

"Please...stay here with me..." Lexa tried to keep her voice even, but she knew it would crack soon.

"No." Even though she had said no her head was nodding yes. "If I'm ever going to learn how to trust _you_ and _this_. I have to figure out how to stop being so damn scared that you'll find someone else the second I leave."

"Raven..." One hand came up to cup the girl's cheek, tilting her head up so Lexa could look her straight in the eye. "Even if I _wanted_ to, which I don't and won't ever, I could _never_ find anyone that even remotely compares to you. You are something special I could never replace in my life."

Raven leaned her face more firmly in to Lexa's hand. "I need to be okay with missing you. And missing the way your hand feels against my face like this. I _need_ to know that you'll love me in spite of the space between us and not just because you say it."

"I will always love you, no matter the distance. I don't know how I can prove that to you right now, but if there was a way I would."

"I know you love me _here_. I don't doubt that. It's the unknown that I have to be okay with."

"That is something we can work on together. I think I am just as afraid as you are..."

Raven felt like she bad been gut punched. "Afraid? You?" She hadn't stopped to consider this before. "I hadn't thought about-"

"I'm terrified. Every time you leave...I don't know if you'll come back, or if you'll find someone else...or even if you just don't want me anymore." The last part had come out as barely a whisper, her eyes dropping to the ground.

Raven opened her mouth but nothing came out. Nothing.

Finally she could speak. "I didn't know." Her hands hovered around Lexa's head, just far enough away to not touch. "Look at me, Lex."

Lexa looked up slowly, meeting the brown eyes in front of her again.

"I love you." She was looking right back into the green eyes watching her. "And I want you."

Lexa nodded and bit her lip. She knew that was true in Polis, but would it be true once she returned to Arkadia?

Raven had been worrying at her bottom lip trying not to say the wrong thing. Trying to understand how Lexa couldn't...couldn't what? Be afraid of the same things she herself had been? She had wanted to touch, feel her. Even just holding her hand but now it felt awkward and the air felt cold and clammy. So she just stood there holding Lexa's eyes, biting her lip.

Lexa's eyes dropped to the ground again as she let out a shaky breath. "Will you still feel the same in Arkadia? When I'm not there to hold you every night? When you wake up alone in the morning?"

Raven breathed out a long sigh through her nose. She knew the weight of the questions because she had them herself. And she knew her answer was simple. "Yes."

Her lip quivering, she looked back up, green eyes staring into brown, looking for truth in the word. One word. That was all it would take, but the intentions behind it would harm or hurt.

"Are you finding what you're looking for?" Raven stared back, unblinking.

"I don't know..." She was sure she had found it, but she doubted herself more than anything.

Raven felt the back of her neck and tips of her ears heat up. Maybe she had been looking at this all wrong. "You don't know..." She was repeating the words. "You don't know."

"I mean...I hope I did find it correctly. I don't know if I can trust myself to..." Her voice trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"I know."

Lexa held out her hand. She needed contact, needed to feel Raven's skin against her own. Needed to feel how _real_ everything was.

Raven could not have slid her hand into Lexa's any faster even if she had tried. "There's this thing about trust. It's either all or nothing."

"I'm willing to give it my all. Are you?" She stepped forward slightly, standing less than an inch away from Raven.

Raven tugged Lexa forward the last little bit. She ran her hands slowly up the girl’s arms so she could feel the curves and muscles and flesh from her wrists to the dip just beyond the shoulders. Ravens eyes roamed every inch of Lexa's face from the way her lips were slightly parted to the tiny crease between her eyes. She took it all in. Finally met the green eyes again with the only answer she could give. "No matter what happened in my past, I have to believe that to truly love someone…is to willingly give them the ability to destroy you but trust that they won't. I'm willing."

Lexa stood for a moment, letting the words sink in, before she leaned down and closed the gap between their lips. Her hands slid around Raven's waist, pulling her in as close as possible. If it could happen, Lexa would have given anything for the two bodies to melt into one.

Every kiss between them had been like lighting a fire just below the surface of her skin but this one…This kiss was knees weak and their bodies perfectly aligned and need and hope and Raven could have melted with how Lexa held her exactly the way she needed.

She never wanted to break this kiss. Lexa told herself she would die a million times over from a lack of oxygen than to break this kiss. Something about it seemed to mend every broken piece inside her, every crack filled in, every chip replaced.

Raven pressed into Lexa as if there had been any space left between them. Soft little moans were bubbling in her throat but she was sure she heard more than just her own and it only made her want to keep kissing Lexa. Even if the oxygen she was trying to pull in through her nose wasn't enough.

Lexa vegan to feel dizzy. Cursing herself in her mind, she broke the kiss momentarily to suck in a breath before reconnecting where they had left off. The feeling of Raven pressed into her ignited every nerve in her body, impulses running from head to toe.

"I know.." she murmured out between sucking in as much air as she could and holding Lexa's face against her own for fear of her pulling away. It was the way their lips fit together like puzzle pieces and the taste of her tongue that tangled and dueled with her own.

This was it. She was never going to let this girl go. Lexa knew that she could never let her go or she would fall apart. Raven was the one that could keep her together, keep her whole.

Raven reluctantly turned her head just enough so their lips were still touching at the corners but she could pull in the air she needed. "Hands down-" she gasped out. "-best kiss I've ever had…"

"There are more to come like this one." Lexa breathed against the skin of Raven's cheek, taking in all the smells that were just so uniquely her.

"Please…please let that be a promise." Her chest was still heaving from the effort and the way this kiss had been like a switch. Lexa had taken her breath away and made her feel everything. Every nerve was awake and buzzing throughout her body.

"One I intend to keep for the rest of time." She moved her head to place a kiss on her cheek, then pressed her forehead to Raven's, once again green eyes finding brown.

"I would be a fool to deny you." Raven's eyes were bouncing between her eyes and lips. She wanted them connected again. On her own lips. On her neck. On her lips. Just on her.

Leaning back in, Lexa reconnected their lips, a bit rougher than last time. She gently pushed Raven back towards the bed, stopping her before she hit it.

The rougher kisses had Raven gasping again. The harsher nips to her lips and way Lexa made it clear she was going to dominate the kiss made her want it even more. Raven had been prepared to be pushed back but when it didn't happen she wasn't sure what to think.

Lexa pulled away for just a second. "The bed is right behind you. Lay down and get comfortable," she breathed out, pulling herself away unwillingly.

"You want me to..?" Raven sat on the edge for a few seconds trying to understand what was happening. Sliding back to the center of the bed was really the only thing she could do. "Is this...here?"

Lexa climbed on top of her, gently pushing her back. "As long as you're comfortable it's fine."

"I'm comfortable now." Just the feeling of Lexa's weight on top of her made Raven groan. A good groan.

"How about we seal that promise with another round of love making?" Lexa whispered the words against Raven's lips before she leaned down and closed the gap.

If the way Raven held tight to Lexa wasn't answer enough…One hand was fisted in her hair but not hard enough to hurt. Other hand pressing into her back just up under the hem. The skin on her fingers…If just that was enough to feel like it was burning her Raven knew every new inch of skin would…She didn't know what.

Lexa moved quickly, her mouth trailing down Raven's neck with quick kisses and nips at the skin. Her fingers searched out the hem of Raven's shirt, finding it and lifting it to right below her breasts so her hands and mouth could roam the skin there.

It felt like Raven had been doing nothing but trying to catch her breath from the moment Lexa had kissed her. Trying to remain as calm as possible. Trying to…And then Lexa's hands _and_ lips were on her bare skin.

Somehow, Lexa had managed to break herself away from the skin beneath her and rip her own shirt over her head. Tossing it to the side, she carefully lifted Raven's the rest of the way, leaning back down to kiss her lips again once the garment had joined her own on the floor.

The binding had to go and for one of the first times Raven's fingers fumbled. Any other time she would have ripped and pulled at it but that was not what was happening. Lexa had a gentle touch and she was very okay with it. But she still wanted the wrap off. "Off." was more groaned than said.

Lexa chuckled and sat back up, unwinding the bindings quickly before tugging at Raven's bra.

Raven sat up just enough to get the clasp undone. The straps hadn't even slipped down her arms yet and Raven had taken Lexa's hand to press it over her breast.

Her thumb ran small circles around the already hardened peaks. "These never get enough attention do they? You're always so eager for me to touch them."

"I like the way-" she stuttered out. "-how it feels when you touch me…them."

"Duly noted...I'll make sure these get just enough attention." She brought her mouth down, wrapping her lips around the other peak, sucking on it lightly.

If Raven knew if nothing else, this could be more than enough. But she knew it wasn't even close to being all Lexa would do. And yet Raven had put a hand to the back of her head holding her there. Holding her head with both hands wanting to feel this a little longer.

Lexa popped off the current peak and went to suck on the other one, popping that off as well. Her mouth trailed down her flat stomach before she lifted her head up again. "I need to take the brace off in order to help you out down there.”

She knew it was coming. Of course it had to come off. She still had one hand buried in Lexa's hair, lightly scratching at the roots. The other flexing and holding tight to the furs beneath her. It had to come off. "Okay...okay."

"I'll be gentle. Tell me if anything hurts." Her hand went to the brace, unclasping where needed before gently pulling it off.

Raven let her head fall down and back into the pillows. The brace didn't actually do anything when she was laying down and had most likely become more of a mental crutch than a physical one. "It hurts more today…But your touch helps keep my mind off of it."

"Remember, there are options we can try to alleviate some of the pain, if you ever want to." Lexa was already undoing the girl's pants and sliding them off her legs as well.

Her first instinct had been to snark back or deflect in any way possible but it didn't feel quite right this time. "I'm pretty sure I've done just about everything I know about but we can...talk uhm...about it more. Later. Okay?"

"Later, of course." Lexa kissed her way up the inside of Raven's leg, making her way back up to her face.

"Of course." she had echoed back before leaning up to taste those lips again.

Lexa leaned down, pushing Raven back against the bed. She was going to take care of her right now and let her finally relax.

Again Raven's hands found their way up into the girl’s hair. It wasn't only to try and keep Lexa kissing her. Now it was about the feel of those sometimes braided and always soft locks as it slipped through her fingers like it was now.

One hand rested on Raven's hip, her thumb digging into the soft skin. The other cupped her cheek, holding her there against Lexa's face.

At that moment laying there with Lexa on top of her, one hand pulling her attention to the way her core was begging for attention, the other kept her grounded. And okay with the slower pace.

Breaking the kiss, Lexa sat up and began unclasping her pants, slowly rolling them off her legs.

Raven leaned back up on her elbows to watch. Every new inch of skin caused her heart rate to rise.

Once the pants had joined the ever growing pile of clothes, as well as her underwear, she leaned down and hooked her thumbs in the waistband of Raven's. "Hips."

Raven had lifted up more on the right side than the left but it was enough for her boy shorts to be tugged down and off.

Once they were pulled off, Lexa ran a hand up through the core beneath her.

This time when Raven's hips jumped she didn't have a lot of control over it. Or the way her legs fell open more. Or the moan that was half way between needy and demanding.

Lexa only smiled as she lowered her head down between the girl's legs and ran her tongue soft and slow between the folds.

"How does that feel better every time you do it?" Raven was already worked up from the way Lexa had toyed with her nipples. Now her tongue and the way it slid through her folds? Whether this stayed slow or not Raven knew she would be on the edge pretty fast.

She only smirked in response, sliding two fingers into the wet heat and curling them as her tongue made another slow pass.

Raven placed her hand back into Lexa's hair holding her in place. Trying to keep her right there so she could grind up into her mouth. Pull her in deep. Direct the girls tongue up to where she needed it.

Lexa decided to focus her energy in Raven's clit, drawing slow, lazy circle around it while her fingers continued at their slow pace.

Raven felt the muscles in her stomach start to twitch and burn. The pace was driving her mad but the payoff the last time was worth it this time. The way she felt every lick. The way Lexa's fingers stretched her and how she was clamping down trying to hold them inside. It was all pushing her closer to the edge.

While the one hand continued to thrust and curl inside her the other splayed itself out over Raven's abdomen, feeling the soft flesh and tight muscles underneath. The hand crept its way up to Raven's breast, kneading the soft skin.

Raven's hand fell away from Lexa's head when she arched up. The peaks had become so sensitive but it was only adding to the way it felt like she was going to explode. It was the perfect trifecta and she definitely was moaning out her pleas for more.

Lexa knew how close she was. She carefully slipped in a third finger and sucked the bud into her mouth as she gently pinched the peak.

Raven couldn't pinpoint any one thing or confirm that either would have worked without the others. All three actions nudged her crying out and clamping down and gasping right over the edge. She felt the grey space when her eyes rolled back but managed to stay conscious this time and begging Lexa not to stop. “ _God_ just don't stop Lex…just keep-going…"

Lexa only slowed slightly but didn't stop. Her tongue flicked over the bud in her mouth as her fingers rolled the peak. She picked up speed in her thrusts slightly.

She slapped a hand over her own eyes and was gritting her teeth when she felt the second wave hit. Everything was tingling and buzzing. Her clit felt on fire but the way Lexa kept pushing into her.. Raven would have done anything Lexa asked if she would keep this going. "I love the way you do this to me Lex…"

Lexa only took her mouth off for a second. "Continue?"

Raven huffed and puffed while her brain tried to understand what had been ask and then no. She really didn't think she could handle any more. "I don't think…No. I don't know." And she didn't.

Lexa slowed, allowing Raven to ride out the last waves before pulling her fingers out and kissing her way back up to her mouth.

Licking out over her own dry lips was quickly proving to be more energy she had. Her body was felt like jelly and maybe even boneless. This was one of those moments when the high and adrenaline rush took the spin away from her leg and she could have cried because of it. If she had energy. All Raven could do was stare up at Lexa and let herself be kissed.

Lexa laid down on her side next to Raven, watching her. "How are you feeling now?" Her hand traced patterns over her stomach.

"How am I feeling…?” Raven pressed a few kisses to Lexa's lips and chin. "If I had the energy I would run down and back up the stairs. And that I love you. I'm feeling that very strongly."

"I told you I would help. How's the leg feeling?" Her hand continued, running over the skin.

"Shhhhh."

Lexa smiled. She pressed gentle kisses into her shoulder, just taking in the moment.

"It doesn't hurt right now." Raven had whispered it so soft with her lips against Lexa's forehead she might not have even been heard.

Lexa had heard but stayed silent, holding herself close.


	25. Chapter 25

"Are you hungry? It is almost time for dinner." Lexa could hear herself ask.

"Don't you want me to..?"

"Hm?"

Raven swallowed a few times and pushed her usual post sex panic away. They'd done this enough that she knew if Lexa wanted to be touched at this point she would make is obvious. "I'm a little hungry."

"Would you like me to call for dinner then? Or would you rather continue where we left off...?"

Raven mustered all the energy she could to roll over and pin Lexa on her back. "I think I'd prefer to continue. I'm not ready to leave this big bed just yet."

"Then I shall encourage you to continue."

Raven started out with light and gentle kisses. She kissed her lips and cheeks. Her chin and her jaw. The place below her ear that Lexa would sometimes moan from. The pulse point next to it that Raven was now biting into and soothing over with her tongue.

Lexa had been anticipating every movement, but still a low moan escaped from her lips. Her hand found its way to the back of Raven's head, tangling fingers into the dark locks.

"I like it when you encourage me, Lex." Raven spoke between tugging at her earlobe and making the spot the just made darker.

"That's because you do everything so well..." she breathed out, tugging gently on her hair.

"I do, don't I?" Raven popped up with a laugh.

"God yes. You're so good at everything, especially thing." Lexa smiled.

Raven reconnected their lips in a much more heated kiss. She still wasn't feeling even the slightest bit of pain and she was going to take advantage of it. She sat up to straddle one of Lexa's thighs, pressing her own up into the girl’s center. "I can feel how wet you are."

Another small moan worked its way out through Lexa's lips. "This is what you do to me every time..."

Raven lowered herself slowly back down over Lexa. She had one hand cupping her cheek and the other beside her head on the bed. It took more restraint than Raven though it would to keep her grinding slow. And it wasn't gentle or hard either. Just enough pressure.

The pace was excruciating, but in a good way. Lexa had never felt anything like this and it made her heart race. Every inch of skin was on fire, especially those that were touching Raven.

Raven moved the hand from Lexa's cheek down her body, stopping to knead both breasts. Moving down more Raven gave their bodies just enough space so her hand could dip down between Lexa's folds and back up around her hardened bud. She kept the motion going. Down through her folds and back up and still grinding slowly.

" _God_ that feels so good..." Lexa moaned out, her head rolling back against the bed. "More, _beja_."

"Patience Lex." Slowly she pressed a single finger up into the wet heat and let the rocking of her thigh be all the movement her hand did.

"I told you...you're so good at this..." Lexa began to feel her own hips rocking subconsciously, looking for just _that_ much more friction.

Raven pulled her finger out then slide two back in and pressed her palm over her clit. Still using a slow grind. "Roll your hips nice and slow for me, Lex."

Lexa rolled as slow as she could. Her brain was screaming at her to go harder, faster. But she couldn't. She let out another low moan, her hands grabbing fistfuls of furs.

Raven curled herself forward over Lexa to move her mouth across her neck. Licking and tasting and marking the skin. Finally she began to search out the spot inside Lexa that would…make the strike of pain Raven was feeling again worth it. "Nice and slow, Lex. I want you to cum for me."

As soon as the words were out of Raven's mouth Lexa's back was arched off the bed, her walls clenching as slow waves of pleasure took over her body. Each one washed through her and came to rest as soon as the next one started up. She would have given away everything she ever had to keep this feeling forever.

Raven leaned then fell forward on top of Lexa causing her palm to slam down against her clit. She kept her fingers stroking the girls inside wall and hips canting for as long as she could and for as long as Lexa needed which happened to be at the same exact second.

Lexa fell back against the bed panting, head still rolled back. "That was..."

"It was…" Raven kissed a line up and down Lexa's neck before slumping off to the side to catch her own breath.

"You finally did it." Lexa rolled onto her side, looking over at the girl.

"Finally did what?" Raven ignored the returning ache and leaned forward to connect their lips before she could answer.

When Lexa came up for a breath, she managed to speak. "That was the first time during sex that you didn't just _fuck_ me..."

Raven put a hand up to separate them, searching Lexa's face. "What- what do you..? I don't just fuck you."

"I didn't mean it like that, I just meant...you said you didn't think you could make love to anyone...but you just did."

"You're not just anyone."

Lexa smiled, her hand coming up to cup Raven's cheek. "Neither are you."

Raven leaned in to the touch with a soft sigh of relief at what she said. The comfort of the moment let Raven relax. Not just her body relax after what they did. Her mind relaxed. Even with the ache back she still allowed herself to just be there and be _with_ Lexa. Not just there because of what they did. "The ache…it's back."

"After dinner I can run you a bath and then go see if I can find something to help?" Lexa made no effort to move just yet. She wanted to stay there as long as possible.

"How about you stay right here like this. Next to me and you can put your arms-" Raven yawned midway through her mumbling. "-around me."

Lexa pulled her in close, wrapping her arms around Raven's waist and burying her face in her shoulder. Everything just felt so _right_ in the moment. After a moment of just inhaling in that distinct scent, she mumbled against Raven's shoulder. "Do you still want dinner or...?"

"Don't let go of me okay?" was the last thing Raven had whispered as she fell asleep.

"Never, _ai hodnes_."

~

"I'm not sure if you know that I leave for Arkadia in two, possibly three days depending on whether we leave at dusk or dawn." Clarke had stopped walking thru the thinning crowd of the market to face Anya as she spoke.

"I know you're leaving. Doesn't mean I'm happy about it." Anya stopped next to Clarke, watching people pack away their work for the day.

"It was only supposed to be for a few days at most. I know the council is looking to…" Clarke shook her head knowing she wasn't saying anything Anya wasn't mostly aware of. "It may be longer now."

"Why longer? Something wrong?" Anya placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

Clarke's eyes roamed the height of the tower in the distance before meeting Anya's eyes. "I think it would be a good idea to make sure their- my elected council is still stable and everyone is happy with it. There can't ever be another situation like Pike…"

"Understandable. I know how much stress it put us all under with Pike there. For you? I can only imagine what you were feeling. I trust Kane though. I may have met him only once, but he has a good head on his shoulders and the people like him."

"Kane is a good man and he does make my mother happy which is not something we get all that often down here, is it?”

"Sometimes it comes in the most unlikely forms."

"So what you are _implying_ is that there is something for me to come back to and for?"

"There will always be something for you to come back to as long as I am here in Polis."

"And does that include your bed?" Clarke husked out in Anya's ear but being discreet in such a public place.

"It is always open for you." She whispered only so that none of the people passing by would hear. She would have rather growled it, knowing how Clarke would have immediately reacted, but that would have to wait.

"Well..." Clarke cleared her throat to cover up the slight hitch in her voice. "Why are we just standing here?"

"Lead the way, _Ambassador_."

A few short minutes later Clarke pushed through the doors to the tower entrance and held it opened for Anya to pass. They both nodded to the guards before slipping into the stairwell to the 3-or was it the 5th?-floor to Anya's room.

Anya remembered back to when she had first moved to Polis and how hard she fought Lexa to get a room on one of the lower floors. She had won, of course, as she led Clarke into the room, locking the door behind her.

Clarke licked her lips as she took in every inch of the warrior standing before her. She had never been blind but that was…another time. "I believe you were going to remind me what I'll be missing when I leave..?"

"Oh, I am..." Anya grabbed Clarke's hand and pulled her to the bed, pushing her down on it before unclasping her armor and letting it fall to the ground behind her.

It wasn't like they hadn't already slept together. Twice. Or two different times but this…The predatory look in Anya's eyes had Clarke breathing heavily and she had only just been pushed into the bed.

Once her shirt and pants had joined the trail she slowly crawled on top of the girl. One hand slid up under her shirt, feeling the heated skin, while the other grabbed fistfuls of furs next to Clarke's head.

Clarke knew she had a look of surprise on her face as she watched this girl…woman. Anya was definitely _all_ woman…crawling up the bed towards her. And then on top of her, touching her. The heat and ache in her core was going to need some serious attention.

"How much do you want to bet I can get your first orgasm going without taking any of your clothes off?" She knew her voice was down to a growl now as her lips lowered to nip at the soft skin of Clarke's neck and jaw.

Clarke was too wrapped up in what Anya was doing to even realize she'd been asked anything. And the way Anya's voice dropped so low? She was going to soak right through to her pants.

"If I were you, I wouldn't bet against that. I can just imagine how wet you are right now, just from watching and listening to me. You won't last long." She knew how close Clarke probably already was but she wanted to push her all the way.

Clarke grabbed a handful of Anya's hair pulled her down into a harsh kiss that ended with a bloodied lip from a sharp bite. "I wouldn't bother betting against that." Her own voice was low and gravelly. "I also know how my voice affects you…so let's skip the game hm?"

Running her tongue over her lip and tasting the sharp pang of iron, Anya looked down with a more intense stare. "There are no games here. I'm breaking it down piece by piece what you'll be missing. First is this voice."

Clarke's hips jumped from the Anya's eyes more than her voice. It was a close second. The way she was being looked at...there would be no use in denying that she had in fact soaked through her shorts and was ashamed. Her center…was thumping. Pounding. She needed some sort of friction and soon.

"Second? This intensity that I use for everything. _Especially_ pleasing you." Anya shifted as she lowered herself again, her thigh rubbing against the crotch of Clarke's pants.

Clarke pressed herself up into the thigh. This might not have been a game but she knew Anya was going play with her body until she herself was about to break. The damn way her eyes bore down into Clarke made her moan out.

"Third thing? The way my mouth feels on your skin. My lips on yours. My tongue touching every inch of you. My teeth sinking into your shoulder, leaving those dark marks everywhere." Another grind of her leg against Clarke's pants. She could definitely feel the heat there and swore she could even feel how wet Clarke was under those pants.

Clarke's eyes slammed shut with the way Anya kept grinding down into her and then the things she was saying. Her hips started to rock and cant. The want...need. The need for some sort of relief was starting to make her dizzy. And dripping. Soaking. She felt the squish every time the rocked her hips up.

"Fourth is my hands and fingers...the way such callused skin can feel so soft...ghosting over your own. The way it feels when it runs over your breasts, pinching the nipples slightly, then down your stomach, up your thighs...and _especially_ right up against your clit, rubbing soft circles until these fingers sink inside you, pumping and curling against that front wall of yours. They know _exactly_ what spot to hit to have you seeing more stars than you did while up on the ark."

"Anya!" Clarke felt like she was going to lose her sanity if she didn't get a release and soon. "I know you feel how wet I am!" She just needed a little bit more. A little harder and Anya kissing her and Anya just fucking touching her.

"Do you want something more? Like this?" Anya brought her knee up and ground down hard into Clarke's core, knowing just how much pressure to put.

She couldn't even respond. Her head fell back leaving her neck fully exposed and chest pushing up as she panted. She was just so close.

Anya continued grinding her knee right against Clarke's pants as she growled into her ear. "Cum for me Clarke."

If she hadn't been soaking through before she was the moment Anya growled into her ear. She had her nails running red streaks from her neck all the way down to the hem of her underwear. And the moan Clarke let out.. is was loud but ended with a whimper as she crashed into her first wave. It was relief and then the knot in the pit of her stomach clenched. She knew this was only the first of many.

Anya layered kisses upon her neck and cheek, continuing the grind to help her ride out her orgasm. In her head, she secretly congratulated herself for actually making Clarke orgasm without removing any clothing.

"Stop gloating Anya. And take my fucking clothes off already!" Clarke knew Anya too well and they were more alike than either wanted to admit. And her core needed actual skin on skin contact. And the way Anya played with her nipples was…

"Hope you don't like this shirt too much." Anya sat up and grabbed the collar, ripping open the front of the shirt. Her hands pulled the bra down just enough to free Clarke's breasts so that she could suck one of the hardened peaks into her mouth while her hands went about removing her pants.

She didn't care at all about the shirt and even if she did it was too late to care. Her body was still grinding and rolling with the aftershocks but she brought her hands down to her pants trying to help the removal. The faster they were off and sooner Clarke knew she was going to get the real relief she was now craving.

Swirling her tongue one last time around the nipple, Anya released it with a pop before yanking Clarke's pants and underwear down, pulling them off her feet and tossing them to the side. One pass of a finger through the folds immediately coated it in juices.

"Christ...finally…" Again Clarke's hips jumped at the contact. She would have been shocked if there wasn't a wet spot leaking down into the furs already.

Anya said nothing, only kissed her way down Clarke's abdomen and stopped right above the wet center. She slowly slid her tongue through the folds, circling around the bud before giving it a sharp flick.

Clarke's hand went right to the back of Anya's head holding her there as she started to grind up against her face. She probably could have cum again with the right amount of pressure.

With no hesitation Anya slid two fingers into the wet heat and curled them up against the wall as she sucked the bud into her mouth, gently running her teeth over it.

“ _Fuck_ _fuck_ …" She was not ready for the way Anya pushed her right over the edge again so quickly. Clarke had put her own hand over her mouth to stifle the moans she was sure would have echoed throughout the room.

The moans only encouraged Anya more, picking up pace with her fingers and tongue.

Clarke arched her back clear off the furs beneath her. She didn't even get a chance to come down from the second orgasm before she was pushed into a third. Both of her hands where pressing onto the back of Anya's head bit she didn't know if she wanted to hold her there or pull her away.

In the midst of the clenching and hair tugging, Anya managed to slide a third finger into the heat, slowing the curls but beginning to pump her fingers slowly. She released the bud from her mouth and began sweeping through the folds in long strokes with her tongue.

Clarke's back dropped back down to the furs and her head felt like the top was going to burst open. It hadn't been the first or tenth time she had taken three fingers before but the way Anya was moving so slowly…she _felt_ herself stretching. She felt the juices start to seep from her center.

Anya's tongue began dancing over Clarke's clit, forming letters and both English and Trigedasleng words. She knew she could keep pushing her for long enough.

The muscles in Clarke's stomach were starting to clench and spasm as the waves just kept going. "It's too much Anya…I need a break..." She found her voice but just barely.

When she heard the words, Anya slowed down the thrusts and took her mouth away, helping to ease Clarke down off the high. She kissed her way up Clarke's stomach, waiting until each muscle relaxed to move up.

Her chest was still heaving but the rest of her body felt like it was melting as she struggled for breath. "I could probably arrange for someone else to escort Raven back to Arkadia."

Anya only chuckled as she pulled her fingers out and laid next to Clarke. "You said yourself, you need to go back. To your people. That being said, I don't want you to leave, but I know you must. I know you'll return though."

"Tell me why we haven't been doing this all along?" Clarke turned her head to look at Anya. She wanted to roll over and curl up on her but her head was all she could move.

"That is a very good question." Anya chuckled and looked at her, her arm wrapped around Clarke's waist as much as it could.

"Took you long enough…and if you will just give me a few minutes to regain the feeling in my legs.. "

"Take as much time as you need. I pushed you a bit farther this time."

She took one final deep breath and rolled herself over onto Anya. It wasn't in the least bit graceful but whatever. Clarke was propped up on her forearms looking down at the warrior and she couldn't help the wide spread smile. "You definitely gave me a lot of things to miss..."

"And quite a few incentives to come back to." Anya wrapped both her arms now around Clarke's waist and leaned up, connecting their lips again.

"And I _am_ an Ambassador so I do have that duty here." She said into the kiss.

"Raven also needs you. You can't just send her back by herself."

"Raven…Of course I wouldn't but I don't want to talk about her because that would lead to _her_ and I want to talk about that even less."

"Then let's skip the talking, shall we?"

"She just better know how much I care about her." Clarke pressed her lips down onto Anya's. It wasn't forceful and it wasn't gentle. But it was filled with want and need.


	26. Chapter 26

It had been an hour since Raven had fallen asleep in her arms. Lexa didn't want to let her go, but her stomach was getting louder by the minute. She quickly unwrapped herself and laid one of the furs over Raven before grabbing her robe and pulling it on. She opened the doors to her room, nodding to the guards outside to signal for dinner.

When Raven's eyes blinked open she immediately felt the absence next to her and the cool feeling of the furs. A little pang of panic went through her. "Lex?" She sat up and was just pushing her legs over the side of the bed when she saw girl across the room. "You're still here..."

"Of course. I'm sorry I got up. I was hungry, so I just requested dinner for us." Lexa came back and sat next to Raven on the bed, a hand on her thigh.

"Of course." Raven smashed her lips onto Lexa's and was pushing herself up to straddle her lap. "Of course you are."

Lexa's hands quickly untied the robe then went to Raven's hips, pulling the girl flush against her body as she moaned into her mouth.

Raven took Lexa's hand and placed up against her core. Dragging both of their fingers between her folds. "How long do have _Commander_?"

"Well, they have to warm everything up, so...long enough." Lexa recaptured her lips, pulling her back to lay them down on the bed.

"That might be my favorite thing that you've said."

Lexa only smiled as she pulled their interlocked hands away from their bodies and out to the side. Her other hand moved to take its place as her fingers danced their way down to between Raven's legs, one dipping inside the folds then running up through them, a short nail scratching at the bud.

"Yes..." Raven dragged out the word when Lexa hit her clit. "God I love this…"

"Well then how about this?" Lexa hand went back repeated the motion, this time plunging two fingers into her roughly, nails scratching the front wall looking for that one spot.

" _Fuck_ " Raven was pressing crescent shaped marks into the hand she linked with Lexa. The way she had been pushed into…it was exactly what she wanted. "Harder Lex."

Pulling her fingers out all the way, Lexa sunk three in this time, just as hard as before. Again she curled those fingers, scratching to find that spot.

"God yes…" She hissed. She had her head back, the muscles in her neck tight like cords from the strain. The burn and coiling in the pit of her stomach coming to life like it had never really gone away. But she wanted it harder. Just a little bit more. "Fuck! Harder Lex!"

Lexa flipped the two of them over and pulled her fingers out again. This time, she used her hips to propel the three finger thrust forward, the rest of her hand slapping against Raven's clit.

Raven cried out from the way Lexa was hitting the spot inside and clit. One second she was canting and rocking her body up into the one above her and the next she went stiff and rigid as a flood a sticky juices rushed from center.

Lexa kept her hand where it was, curling all three fingers as her thumb found its way to Raven's clit, forcing hard, fast circles.

Raven's muscles unclenched everywhere except for her center. Every curl and swipe pushed her towards another wave and another round of begging and pleading. Another drag of her nails down Lexa's back that would leave angry red welts.

Lexa peppered soft kisses along Raven's jaw and neck, slowing the pace of her hand to let Raven come down off the high.

Raven felt her body sag down into the furs with an ache that had nothing to do with pain and everything to do with pleasure. Her fingers traced 'I love you' and drew shapes at the base of Lexa's neck while she steadied her breathing and relaxed into the moment.

Once she had come down enough, Lexa removed her fingers and propped herself up over Raven, leaning down and placing feather soft kisses on her lips.

"That..." Raven's eyes opened to see Lexa looking down at her. Kissing her. Staying there in the moment. "Was incredible."

"Every time with you is incredible."

"It is isn't it?" Raven did all she could to keep a straight face.

Lexa could only nod as she heard a slight knock at the door.

Raven wrapped her arms around Lexa and held tight pulling her ear close to her mouth. "It's the way you love me." She whispered then slowly dropped her arms to the bed.

Lexa smiled as she stood, grabbing her robe and tossing Raven hers. Once she had tied it and saw that Raven's was on, she opened the door, allowing trays of food to be placed on the table.

Raven stood tightening the tie and took slow steps to the table. The ache was minimal for the moment but it was starting to worry her with the back and forth of it.

Lexa came over to her seat as the last of the food was brought in and the last of the deliverers left.

Raven sat at the table across from Lexa looking down at variety of foods. "I may miss this more."

"There are some perks." Lexa smiled as she served herself from the piles of food in front of them.

"How many of those books have you read? The ones next to the couch." Raven has to slow herself down and chew the food she had stuffed into her mouth. She hadn't realized just how hungry she was until it was all laid out in front of her.

"All of them. Several times over. I used to have a lot of free time." Lexa watched Raven, chuckling slightly.

"Used to?" Her brows furrowed even with the way she was chewing around ridiculous amounts of food. It had to be the post sex hunger but Raven was sure she could have eaten every scrap of food in the table. And then Lexa for dessert.

"Before Skaikru. Now most of my days are spent in meetings or helping you to assimilate to ground life.”

"Is that what we're calling it today?"

"If that's what you'd call it."

Lexa smirked, taking a bite of whatever was on her plate. She wasn't paying attention to that. She only wanted to watch the girl in front of her.

Lexa had _just_ finished fucking her and Raven was already getting worked up again. She felt the twitch between her legs but tried to ignore it...but the way Lexa was looking at her…She was still picking on a few things from her plate but that wasn't holding her attention all that much now.

"How is the food?"

"Delicious." She said, licking her lips.

"Is it the most delicious thing you've ever tasted?" Lexa already knew the answer to the question. She just wanted to humor her.

"Not even close." Raven gave a slow shake of her head, swallowing the last bit of food.

"Is it time for dessert?" Lexa stood and walked to the doors again, popping her head out as a few people walked in behind her to clear off the table.

"Only if it involves _me_ eating _you_." Raven had said it loud enough that the last of the-servants?-cleared the table and left.

Lexa closed the door behind her. "Now that was rude. There were people in the room."

Raven stood and took a few steps to shorten the distance between them. The look on her face was anything but apologetic and her eyes roamed down and back up Lexa's body. "Sorry…?"

"There is some way you could make it up to me." One finger tilted Raven's chin up so that she could look directly in Lexa's eyes.

"I'm listening." Raven couldn't stop herself from taking Lexa's finger between her teeth, tongue curling around it.

"You shall have to figure that one out yourself. You're intelligent, I know you can." Lexa pulled her finger out of Raven's mouth and slowly walked around her towards the center of the room.

Raven was behind her pressing her front into Lexa's back before she made it any further. "Oh we both know I'm going to make you cum and we both know I like it when you take control." She said with her mouth hovering over Lexa's ear.

"Maybe I just want to relax though...let you take the reins." Lexa pushed back into Raven, grinding back against her hips.

"Okay. If that's what you want." Raven walked them to the table they had just been sat at. She undid the loose knot and peeled it back off Lexa's shoulders, kissing and marking the skin. Pulling the chair so it was behind her, Raven sat and let hers and Lexa's robe slide from their bodies. "Turn and sit _on_ the table for me please."

Lexa hopped up on the table in front of Raven, her legs spreading slightly in anticipation. "I only have one request."

Lexa's scent hit her nose and Raven's mouth had started to water. "And that would be..?" She lowered her head and began trailing kisses up the inside of her legs leaving more marked and bites in her wake.

"Fuck me, love me, whatever you want...but go hard. I want to forget my own name..." Her head rolled back at the feel of Raven's mouth on her legs, hands bracing herself on the table.

Raven stood and walked over to the bed searching around the area until she found what she needed. Next was her brace which she had buckled and strapped into place in seconds. Turning back she just let herself look at Lexa. Splayed out on the table, legs spread. Breathing slightly elevated. "Ask me again to fuck you, Lexa."

"Raven, _beja_...fuck me, please..." The anticipation was killing her. Just watching Raven...she could feel the throbbing in her clit.

She moved back to the table with a smirk that read nothing but filth. She dropped the object she had gone in search of into the table next to the girl’s leg. "Strap on or no?"

"Mouth first? I need to feel it on me..."

"You want to feel my mouth on you…I think that is a really good idea." Raven sat back down on the chair and positioned herself between Lexa's legs. "Are you ready to ride my face?"

Lexa nodded and bit her lip, pulling it between her teeth. She moved forward on the table slightly, inching closer to Raven's face.

"You know I need to hear you say it _Commander_." Raven was so close she knew Lexa could feel her breath.

Every breath sent a shiver through her core. Lexa's head rolled back as she moaned out. "Yes..."

The first swipe of her tongue had Raven moaning at the taste. She loved it and was sure she would never be tired of it. This. It was sweet and sour. A little salty and distinctively Lexa. She pushed her tongue back through the folds and lapped up as much as she could.

Lexa laid back more on the table, resting on one forearm while the other hand slipped into Raven's hair, holding the girl's head in place.

One broad stroke led to two and then three as Raven licked from entrance to twirl her tongue around the bud. Her hands were wrapped around the girls hips so she could pull her in and hold her there when she sucked the bud into her mouth.

" _Jok_..." Lexa had fallen back against the table, her back slightly arched off of it, lips parted as she sucked air into her lungs. She should not have waited until after dinner for this.

Raven popped off to drop her mouth down letting her tongue push into her core. It was dripping and warm and tight and Raven loved all of it.

The moans started low, but the feeling of Raven's tongue inside her core had Lexa mewling on the table, tugging on fistfuls of hair slightly to try and pull Raven even closer.

Raven licked deep and swirled her tongue before pulling out. Over and over. Her hand started to rub wide and feather light circles around Lexa's clit but never touching.

" _Beja, ai hodnes...mo.._." Lexa's brain couldn't process everything at once. She unconsciously switched back to Trigedasleng because it was easier for her brain to process that than English.

Raven pulled the hand Lexa had on her head and moved it down to her clit. Pulling her mouth from the girl’s mound Raven stood and grabbed the harness, slipping it on. "Touch yourself for me _Commander_."

Lexa began rubbing slow, hard circles around her clit, watching Raven with dark half-lidded eyes.

Raven was entranced with the sight before her. The way Lexa's fingers worked over her own body was...words Raven couldn't even formulate. "Keep doing that for me." She sat back down and drove her tongue back into the girl’s heat.

While Raven's tongue played inside her and her own hand helped, Lexa's other hand was currently working at her breast, kneading the soft flesh and running fingers over the hardened peak.

Raven took a few more long licks then pulled her mouth away, kissing over her inner thigh. "You touching yourself might be one of the hottest things I've seen. Don't stop." She hadn't finished her last word before she thrusted three fingers rough and deep into Lexa curling and pumping.

Those three fingers sent her tumbling over the edge, a string of sounds and words falling out of her mouth as she clenched around Raven's fingers. Her hand picked up the pace on her clit, rubbing fast and hard to keep the waves going.

Raven was on her feet pulling her fingers from Lexa and lining up the dildo. She pushed half way in then pulled out making sure she wasn't causing too much pain.

Lexa only moaned at the feeling of being stretched by the dildo again. She whimpered at the loss of it, looking up at Raven, pleading with her eyes.

Swatting her hand away, Raven pushed forward until she had the dildo buried. After a beat she pulled out and pushed back in like it was one continuous motion again and again.

Lexa cried out, back arching up off the table as she was suddenly stretched. She should've felt pain but the high from her first orgasm carrying into her second blocked all of it.

"I hope you're ready _Commander_ " Raven took a few deep breaths then slammed into Lexa's core. She pulled one of the girl’s legs up over her shoulder, holding it there. With all the strength she could muster, Raven started a rough, harsh pace. Pounding and grinding and grunting with the slamming the dildo as deep as she could get it.

It was a good thing the guards were stationed down the hall and not right outside the bedroom door. The cries and moans coming from Lexa's mouth were never-ending as her nerves exploded. The sensation was nothing she had ever felt. She felt as though she was being torn apart but she _loved_ it as her second orgasm turned into a third, the waves crashing through her body.

Raven stopped her thrusting in favor of keeping the toy all the way in her clenching core. Her fingers went back to rubbing tight hard circles over the nub while she sucked in a few large gulps of air. "Tell me what you want."

" _Mo_..." Lexa didn't know how she managed to get the word out. It was more of a pleading whimper than anything as her already overworked walls continued to clamp down around the toy.

Letting her leg fall from her shoulder, Raven pulled back and slammed back into the girl. Over and over and harder with every pass. Raven didn't care what pain she would end up with, she was going to fuck Lexa until she was satisfied and then some.

At this point Lexa's sounds were turning into mumbling of...who knows what. It wasn't really words or letters, more of just grunts and whimpers. She had lost track of how many orgasms she had had, but each one crashed into her before the previous one had finished.

Her hips began to slow more out of exhaustion than pain but Raven keep up a steady pace that had the tip dragging her front wall. "Give me one more, love. Then I'll let you rest."

Lexa didn't think she even had _half_ of one left. She was almost convulsing on the table, the waves of pleasure never-ending and frankly she didn't want them to end. But the angle that the dildo hit her front wall caused her to arch off the table farther than she had before and cry out in one last orgasm.

Raven came to a near stop, wanting to work the girl through her last wave. Her own body was buzzing and the ache in her center and clit could have made her scream but she could take care of that after she was done making sure Lexa was okay.

She was shaking as the last waves hit her, then nothing. For the first time in however long, she felt nothing. Almost as if her body was gone and only her soul left.

Raven had the harness removed and was looking from Lexa to the bed trying to decide of she could make the short walk without dropping the girl. Nodding her head she figured it would be worth it. Raven scooped Lexa up the same way she had been held and made it to the bed, placing her down gently.

The feeling of the soft furs beneath her relaxed her muscles slightly, but she needed something more. Somehow she managed to grab Raven's hand and tug-well, she thought she tugged, but maybe her muscles weren't communicating properly. She needed to curl up against the girl, needed to be held. She had never felt so vulnerable in her life.

"Let me take my brace off first, okay? Then I'll hold you." Raven fumbled a few times from the exertion her body went through but she managed to get if off and climb into bed pulling the furs up around them. "I hope I gave you what you wanted Lex."

" _Sha...ai hod yu in..._ " There was almost no room for air between the two bodies. Lexa had curled in so close to Raven she was practically replacing her skin.

The way every inch of their bodies touched was the kind of perfect she knew most people didn't get to feel. There was still seconds of panic and doubt but the way Lexa said I love you…even if she did end up hurt this would be worth it. "I love you too, Lex." She pressed her face into the girl’s hair, taking a final deep relaxing breath. "Just please don't break me…"

Lexa just let out a breathy laugh as she drifted off to sleep, pleasantly satisfied.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready because shit's about to go down...over the next several chapters

Raven blinked awake to the curtain of brunette hair and sweltering heat again. Not wanting to wake Lexa this time she inched herself backward on the bed.

Lexa readjusted, still asleep. The sudden loss of contact was not favorable so her hand unconsciously reached out, looking for someone.

Raven pressed a kiss to Lexa's shoulder but kept moving back out of the bed. "Shhh go back to sleep."

"No, stay...please..." Lexa cracked open an eye, looking over at the girl.

"You're like an oven Lex." She peppered the girl with kisses on her cheeks and neck. "I'll be right back."

Lexa whined, her face burying itself into the pillows. "If you're not back in a minute I'm going to send a search party."

Raven stood and there it was. Pain. She was going to pay for the overexertion. "You'll be snoring in a minute." She called back over her shoulder and she _carefully_ made her way to the bathroom.

Lexa was already asleep by the time Raven had said anything. Last night was definitely catching up to her.

Walking back to the bed Raven covered her mouth to quiet her laugh. Lexa was laid out face in the pillows and all she wanted to do was get back in that huge bed and stay there for the rest of the day.

Meanwhile downstairs, Anya was pacing inside the throne room. Lexa was never late. It was a good thing the Ambassadors agreed to meet a bit later, but at this rate, Lexa would still be late. She decided to go check on the Commander, walking upstairs.

Clarke walked into the hall a little early for the meeting expecting to find Anya and Lexa in the throne room. Seeing Anya walking in her direction with a bit of a scowl was not what she expected to see after the night they had but that was another story. "Is something wrong? The Commander..?"

"I'm going to fetch her now. Please tell the other Ambassadors to wait for us." Anya continued down the hall, walking straight past Clarke and up the stairs to Lexa's door, not even bothering to knock before barging in.

Raven spun to face the door at what was an annoyed looking Anya. The fact that she was very naked didn't even register until she felt a breeze that had her pulling her robe on and the furs over the very naked as well Lexa.

Anya may have been annoyed at first, but seeing both women naked in front of her gave her some explanation. It wasn't until she looked away and saw the straps of the harness sitting on the chair that she doubled over in laughter. Somewhere in between that and gasping for air, she managed to finally speak. "You two enjoyed yourselves last night? Tired each other too much?"

"Lex…" Raven poked at her shoulder once but got no response. "Lexa!" Raven limp/walked to where Anya was and caught sight of what must have set her off laughing. "Well I guess there isn't much I can say about this."

"Also explains why someone is still passed out over there. Which would be fine except the Ambassador Meeting starts in 10 minutes." Anya walked over to the bed and shook Lexa's shoulder. Lexa only responded with a groan.

"Okay maybe you could let me do that and I don’t know…maybe stall?"

"I can only stall for so long so hurry up." Anya turned and walked out of the room, chuckling as she passed the chair again.

"LEX!" Raven climbed onto the bed and poked at the girl’s sides. "Commander if you don't wake up and get out of bed I'm never letting you fuck me again."

Lexa squirmed then sat up, yawning and stretching. "Liar."

"When your _Adviser_ barges right into your room and you don't even budge? I don't need her blaming me for you being late to your meeting that's in 9 minutes."

Lexa's eyes went wide. "How late did I sleep?" She quickly threw the furs off and stood, walking towards the bathroom. She stopped after a few steps, the ache between her legs growing uncomfortable.

"Are you okay?" Raven flopped down onto her back, watching Lexa as she moved around the space. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's just...I'm not used to this feeling." She carefully made her way into the bathroom.

"You did ask for that." Raven was grinning at the memory of Lexa laid out on the table.

"I did. And you gave it to me just like I asked." When she emerged, her hair was finally under control and braided. She went over to the drawers, pulling out fresh clothing.

Raven had a smile that spread from ear to ear. "You looked amazing while I was fucking you on that table over there. In case you wanted to know."

"Maybe we'll have to do it again sometime." Once she was dressed and the helm applied to its normal spot, she came back over and placed a kiss on Raven's forehead. "Whenever you want food just tell the guards. You are welcomed to stay as long as you'd like. I should be back sometime soon."

"Okay. I love you." Raven tried to let her eyes reflect how much she meant what she said. "If I'm not here I'll be down in the workshop."

"I love you too. I will come visit if you are there." Lexa exited the room and walked downstairs, a noticeable limp in her walk.

Anya watched as the double doors to the throne room swung open, The Commander marching into the room. Although marching was not exactly the word for it. She quickly cleared her throat to distract herself from the thoughts of what she had walked in to see just a few short minutes prior.

Clarke tore her eyes from the Adviser standing to the right of the still empty throne when she heard the doors bang open. The first glance at the way Lexa was…walking?...marching? Was she limping? Clarke dropped her head and tried her best to hold in her snort of laughter.

Lexa made her way to the throne, trying her best to hide the limp that stemmed from the ache in her lower body. She sat down quickly, adjusting herself on the hard seat as the ache shot a new wave of pain through her. "I apologize for my tardiness. There were some matters that needed my attention this morning."

Clarke nearly barked out a laugh, her hand flying up to cover her mouth just in time. She knew damn well Lexa had a sex hangover. Hell, she gave her one once.

Anya glared at Clarke in the nicest way possible. Even if this whole scene was ridiculous and really quite hilarious there was still _real_ business to be discussed. " _Commander._ " Anya gave her a slight bow to signal the beginning of the meeting.

Lexa listened as the Ambassadors began to give updates of their respective nations, but the ache was still present. More often than she liked she shifted in the seat, readjusting herself to try and end the ache.

Clarke sat back with a knowing smirk, listening to the other Ambassadors. She still hadn't received word from one of her scouts about the different path she was going to use when she and Raven left the next day.

Anya spoke with some of the Ambassadors on the matters she was in charge of. She saw the way Lexa had been shifting and could not _wait_ to tease the girl.

Once everything was settled, most of the Ambassadors left, leaving only Lexa, Clarke and Anya in the room. Lexa stood, not wanting to sit any longer.

As the room emptied Clarke finally let out the laugh she had been holding, well trying to hold in. "Having a little trouble sitting, Commander?"

Anya shot Clarke a warning glance but was doing all she could to remain straight faced.

"Excuse me? Ambassador, what are you saying?" Lexa walked-more like limped-over to stand in front of Clarke, looking down at her.

Clarke let out a snort and was just about to make some sort of brash comment when Anya stepped beside Lexa, giving Clarke a small yet firm shake of her head. "I think we all understand what Clarke _was_ saying but we can all agree that your _injury_ is a _personal_ matter."

"Injury? I'm perfectly fine. Don't know what you're talking about. As for the _Ambassador_ , I hope she remembers how to _behave_ correctly." Lexa turned and began walking towards the doors, ready to leave all of this behind.

"I've seen that walk before." Clarke threw over her shoulder.

Lexa stopped but did not turn around. She only looked back over her should and shot back. "Well, you know what it is. At least you know I am having much more fun in my bedroom than you two are having in Clarke's." With that she walked out and upstairs, a smirk of victory on her face.

Clarke finally stood trying to mask her own sore lower half. "Good thing she didn't see the events in your bedroom last night."

"I did give you quite the workout." Anya only smirked at the girl before heading towards the doors Lexa had just exited through.

Anya had just managed to sidestep the hulking warrior she had come to know as a scout dedicated to Clarke, as he barreled into the room. The wild in his eyes gave her pause leading her to step back into the room close on his heels.

Clarke took in the sight of Kress knowing instantly he would not be bring her good news. And without Theron. They were never separated. Never apart.

Anya, after being almost blown over by the scout, quickly sealed the doors and walked back over to the two of them, awaiting whatever news had returned.

"Anya…" Clarke looked between her and Kress knowing whatever he was going to tell her needed to be heard privately first. "Can you give me a moment?"

"Of course. Shall I go fetch the Commander?"

"No!...No. I'm sure that won't be necessary. "

Anya paused for a moment, then nodded slightly. "You know where I'll be if you need me." With that she turned and left the room, sealing the doors again.

Clarke sat heavily back down into seat as she listened to Kress tell her about Theron being shot..?-while they had been just north of the Skaikru borders. They had separated to gather supplies for the night when he heard his brothers call and with the sound of two shots.

All the Skaikru knew who the scouts where. Clarke had insisted for all around safety but this? And whoever did this now had a radio paired to two others in the Capitol. There was no way Lexa would sit back this time. Not after... And now Anya...

Clarke dismissed Kress with orders to have two horses ready just beyond the gates to the northeast just in case she needed them. He agreed without question and left as quickly as he had come in.

Anya knew by the look on the scout's face that the news was something Lexa needed to know now. Even if Clarke didn't want her to...Anya shook her head, clearing her mind as she quickly made her way upstairs, pounding on Lexa's door.

Lexa answered quickly. She didn't need any words from her Adviser, the look on her face was enough. She grabbed what she needed from her room and hurried back down to the throne room, passing by the scout. She wondered why only one had reported when two were sent out, but pushing that thought to the back of her mind, she pushed through the doors.

Clarke was just about to leave the room when Anya and Lexa had walked back in. She did all she could to school her features, to keep the worry from her eyes. AT this point these two woman knew her better than almost everyone except Raven. They would know the look in her eyes if she didn't cut this short. "Anya. Lexa." She nodded to both.

"The scout returned? Updates?" From the look on Clarke's face, Lexa wanted to keep this conversation as short as she could. Something was wrong, she could see that clearly.

"Pauna..." Clarke looked at them knowing things like treason could be held against her. And then there was Raven. She would be caught in the middle of this. She knew Lexa would _have_ to do something this time. And it might not favor any of them. "Theron uhm…was attacked on the path I was hoping to try for the trip back to Arkadia. Kress watched and was worried he would not make it back in time to inform me. That's all."

"Pauna? We'll have to send out a party to push it away from the paths. Until then, neither you nor Raven are leaving. I can't have you two running into it." Lexa knew there was something else wrong. There was no way the Pauna had managed to get near the paths.

"I don't believe that will be necessary. We can just use the pathways already mapped out." Clarke was beginning to sweat knowing every word made this worse.

"Clarke, I cannot risk either of you getting hurt. I will send out a team shortly to make sure the paths are safe for your trip."

"If that's what you want. I'll go find Raven and let her know about the slight change in plans." Clarke took a few steps towards the door. "I'm sure she'll be happy to get another night with you." The words alone made Clarke cringe inside.

"Alright, go." Lexa went and sat on her throne, a hand running over her face.

Clarke walked out and down to the stairwell as casually as her nerves would let her. The speed she had taken the steps down were a completely different story that she wasn't sure how didn't end with her falling and breaking her neck.

"Anya, there's something Clarke's not telling us. I know Kress and Theron well enough to know they never leave each other’s side, which can only mean..." Lexa paused, thinking. "Last time the hunters went out, the Pauna was nowhere near any of the path leading towards Polis. There is no way it moved that fast. She's covering something, I know it."

"I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt. You're encounter with Pauna was far from its normal hunting grounds." Anya knew Lexa was right. She knew something was wrong and Clarke was covering for something or someone. Nothing about this felt right but she needed to hold Lexa back until she herself knew more.

"Send a party of hunters out anyway. Have Clarke tell them which path so they can check the area. Something just doesn't feel right..." Lexa leaned forward, her arms resting on her knees.

"Commander..." Anya began before realizing there really was nothing she could really do that wouldn't seem like she was questioning Lexa. And _for_ Clarke. "As you wish."

Lexa rose from the throne and left the room, heading back upstairs. Her mind ran through the endless possibilities of why Clarke would be lying to her, but every time she came to the same conclusion. One she didn't want to believe was true.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, everything's about to get really heavy and angsty (aka it physically hurt us to write these upcoming chapters)
> 
> You've been warned

Clarke stood on the first floor landing leaning against the wall so she could catch her breath. She had done much more training in the last two months than all the months previous but that didn't include running down the entire tower stairs. She was just about to exit the stairwell when she heard the light footfall. She knew who it would be and she knew this could go very badly.

Anya hurried down the stairs, hoping to catch Clarke before she left the tower and made it to the workshop. She was glad that Clarke had stopped at the bottom when she saw her standing there. "Clarke..."

Clarke stood with her back to Anya, hand of the doorknob. "Was there something else you needed?" She swallowed down the heavy breaths to keep her voice as even as she could.

"Clarke, please tell me the truth. Even Lexa knows you're hiding something. She's sending a group out later, and she will find out." Anya took in a few deep breaths, recovering from her run downstairs. Even with years of training it was a struggle to make it all the way down that quickly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Clarke turned to face Anya. Wide blue eyes holding her gaze. "There's nothing..."

"Clarke!" Anya grabbed her shoulders. "What is so bad you must hide it from us? What happened to Theron?"

"I don't know yet." She dropped her eyes, voice lower than normal. "You have a duty and loyalty to Lexa that I can't risk…not until I can get Raven out of here."

"Why does...Clarke, please tell me. At least let me help if I can."

"You can't!" Clarke shook off the hold Anya had on her. "And we both know you should have already called for the guards after what I've said."

"But I haven't. Clarke this is serious. Was it Skaikru? Did they do something to Theron?" The warrior searched for some sign... _anything_ in Clarke's body language that would clue her in as to what was happening.

"It can't-" Clarke shook her head knowing there was nothing she could say. She didn't know for sure what happened. "Let me go, okay?"

Anya looked her over one last time before dropping her hands. "I tried to help you...Lexa will be angry. There's nothing I can do to help you when she finds out."

Raising her hand to brush her fingers over Anya's cheek, Clarke let them linger for just a second before dropping it back to the doorknob behind her. "She'll never know about this conversation. At least not from me." She had the knob twisted and was backing out. She just needed to find Raven and get her outside the gates to Kress. Then she could figure out what exactly happened and who was behind it.

Clarke rushed outside, making her way towards the workshop and banging the door open. "Raven?! Where are you?"

Raven came limping out from the back of the shop, behind a few shelves that were so full they acted like a wall. "I'm right here, there's just so much scrap and crap I could probably hide from mys-" Raven caught the frantic look in Clarke's eyes once she was close enough to her. "What? Did something...Is Lexa okay?"

"You need to go now. Back to Arkadia. There's not enough time to explain, I just need to you pack up quickly and go outside the gate. Kress is waiting there for you and he'll escort you back."

"Clarke what are you talking about? What happened? Where is Lexa? Why isn't she here?" Raven stood unmoving waiting for answers. There was _no way_ she was ever leaving without saying goodbye to her.

"I told you, no time to explain. Please Raven, I'm doing this for your safety. I just need you to trust me, please." Clarke reached out and tugged on her arm, trying to pull her towards the door.

Raven pulled her arm away from Clarke and moved back behind her main workbench. "Why can't I see Lexa? Did something happen to her, Clarke?" The panic was building up inside of Raven enough that she needed to lean down on the bench and suck in heavy breaths.

"No, nothing to her. She's fine. I need to get you out of here before she knows that you've left. I promise, I'll explain everything when I can." Clarke gave her enough space, preparing herself for the possible panic attack Raven was seemingly heading towards.

"What could be so bad that I need to basically _flee_ the city? And let her think I just left? I'm not going to do that to her." Raven kept her head lowered, the breathing becoming more erratic.

"Raven, breathe. Everything's okay." It was not okay, but Clarke couldn't have Raven panicking right now. That would only complicate everything more than it already was.

"Everything's okay now? What the fuck Clarke? You fly in here and scare me half to death-" Raven laid her forehead on the bench and started to count backwards from 10 under her breath.

Clarke sat on the bench, careful to avoid touching the girl for now. She sighed, then decided what would be best. "Kress came back this morning...without Theron. He said they were gathering supplies near the northern border of Skaikru territory when he heard Theron yell and then...gunshots. I have no idea what happened beyond that, all I know is that once Lexa finds out, she's going to choose her people over her feelings, and I don't want you caught up in that."

Raven's head came up from the bench fast enough to cause whiplash. "Kane would never…Clarke you can't think-" Raven's breathing had evened out enough that she could move slowly towards the girl sitting. "She wouldn't just...do that. Not like- how would it look if we just ran? You don't even know what happened."

"I'm not sure of anything except what I've told you. Part of me knows Kane probably had nothing to do with this, but the other part is screaming at me to remind me of what happened last time I left Arkadia to its own devices. As for Lexa, I know she's been good with the new concept of blood must not have blood, but with Arkadia's past...who knows what she'll decide on."

"Running is going to make _you_ look guilty. I had radio contact with Sinclair a few days ago about the growing list of what needs to be done. Don't you think he would have said something?" Raven sat next to Clarke on the bench. Her mind flashing to what she had done the last time she was sat there. "Lexa isn’t the same as she was.”

Clarke only shook her head. "I'm staying here. We need someone here in Polis to help sort everything out. And who knows if Sinclair knew everything. Like I said, Kane may have nothing to do with this, or it might be an inside job. I don't care much about that right now, I'm more concerned about you. Lexa will always choose her people first, no matter what she feels for you. Even if her decision goes against what you think is right she will follow through, no matter who gets hurt. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Okay I get why this is so serious but why would I leave now? I've been _here_. With her. Literally. It's not like I could be accused of anything."

"Raven, I'm not talking about you getting in trouble. I'm talking about how she will push you aside in order to do what she thinks is right. She will throw away everything that you two have built up to save her people."

"Does she love me, Clarke?" Raven turned to look into the set of blues, needing to _see_ and hear the answer. "The way I love her, does she love me?"

"She does. More than anything. But even she says it herself, she must put her duty before her feelings."

A few tears slipped down Raven's cheeks that she wiped away as best she could. "I'd rather have her hate me than have to choose between me and…being the commander. There's a radio she left here, it's paired to the one I have back at Arkadia." Raven took nothing but what she was wearing and the small toolbox that had already been packed. "You should stay here or head back to the tower. I'll find Kress."

Clarke stood and grabbed the radio, looking at Raven again. "I will tell her. Once she knows what's going on, I'll tell her you only left so that her decision would be easier."

"I need you to be okay too." Raven called back just as she walk/limped out the door, not waiting for a response.

Lexa had just stepped outside the tower, planning on going to visit Raven in her workshop when she saw the girl limping towards the front gate, carrying her toolbox. "Raven!" Lexa called put as she attempted to jog after her.

Raven's steps faltered but she didn't look back when she heard her name and who said it. There was no possible way she would be able to walk away if she had to say goodbye. Not like this.

Clarke was just walking out of the workshop when she heard Lexa's voice. Lexa's voice calling Raven. She could not let that happen no matter what. Clarke was behind her ex, spinning her around so she was no longer facing the gates. "Have you seen Raven? I went to her shop but she wasn't there."

"What do you mean? I thought I saw her heading towards the gates." Lexa pulled away from Clarke's grip and turned again, scanning the crowd for Raven.

Raven made it beyond the gate and down the short wooded path to where she found Kress with two horses. She explained what Clarke wanted and let him pull her up on the horse to sit in front of him. Her toolbox went into a large saddle bag behind them and they took off towards Arkadia. The tears didn't stop once.

"Lexa...she's-" Clarke felt her heart begin to ache. A little had still been for herself but she could see the way Lexa cared about Raven and this was going to…she didn't even know what.

"Clarke, where is she?" The panic began to creep its way in as Lexa's mind ran through different scenarios. Had something happened to her?

Clarke was stalling as much as she could. Raven had been slower than usual but Clarke needed just a few more minutes. The plus to this was she knew Kress had one of the faster horses so once Raven was found him she knew they would make it away from Polis. "Why don't we go to the tower, throne room?"

"No. Tell me where she is!" Lexa was practically shaking at this point. Her mind was assuming the worst and she couldn't stop herself from thinking about what might have happened.

Clarke let her own mask of indifference slip into place. Her reply was going to two words. Two words and she _knew_ it was going to do damage that she could not fix. At least not yet. "She left."

The moment the words left Clarke's mouth Lexa felt herself shatter into a million pieces. Tears began welling up in her eyes as she managed to whisper. "What?"

"You're the _Commander_! Act like it!" She bit out when she saw the tears shining in the sunlight.

"Clarke what did you do?" She knew the tears were running down her face. She didn't care who saw. Clarke had ripped away the only piece of just _Lexa_ she had left in her. The anger inside of her bubbled up as the tears burned her cheeks. "What did you _do_?"

"What did _I_ do? Why isn't it what _you_ would have done?"

Lexa grabbed Clarke by the front of her shirt and threw her up against the side of the workshop. "You better tell me where she is _Ambassador_. I know you have something to do with this."

"All this time and you still seem to think that you're rank intimidates me." Her insides were churning and she wasn't even sure how much of it was for Raven anymore. Seeing the look in Lexa's eyes…the pain. But she needed Raven to be as far away as possible before Clarke could let her know what she knew.

"Where is she _Klark_?" The panic had turned into anger and then rage. She was literally seeing red and the blonde was not doing anything to help ease that feeling.

Clarke grabbed Lexa, cupped her cheeks and pulled her in close. Not in a sexual way but more to get her to focus. "We need to go back to the tower. Okay? I'll tell you there."

"No, I saw her walking towards the gates. Why would she-" It hit her. Right in that moment Lexa knew where Raven had gone. "You sent her back to Arkadia...?"

"It was that or watch her fall apart because of _who you are_!"

Lexa let go of Clarke and took a step back. Why would she...? Because of her...? Without saying anything Lexa turned and took off running towards the stables. Her mind had been made up.

Anya had come jogging towards Clarke after she spotted her and Lexa in a heated exchange. Just before she got there Lexa ran off to the stables? Somewhere in that direction. "Clarke? What happened? Where is she going? And don't tell me nothing!"

"Theron was shot. North of the Arkadia border. I know this wasn't my clan but I can't prove that...Lexa was going to have to choose between…between Raven and who she is. I just did what was best for everyone, no matter how much it hurt the both of them."

Anya stopped, her eyes going wide. "You sent her back?" Then it made sense why Lexa was running towards the stables. Anya found herself running in that direction too.

"You can't let her leave!" Clarke yelled after Anya.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So more angst in this chapter...yeah sorry guys. This went from smut to angst. But that doesn't mean stop reading because things are about to get good!

Lexa had already pushed passed the stable boys and threw the saddle over the fastest horse in there. She had already mounted him and was about to take off when Anya came sprinting in.

Anya came to a skidding stop in the middle of the Lexa's path. "You know I can't let you leave like this Commander."

"I'm sorry Anya but if you don't move I will run you over." Lexa pulled the reins in her hand, stopping the horse a few feet away from where Anya stood.

"You have to let her go. Your duty is _here_. You're needed _here_. You'll have to ride right over me. I won't move." Anya stood stock still.

Lexa sat for a moment, her gaze unwavering. Anya's words cut into her, but she knew it was the truth.

"I need you to dismount and we need to meet in the war room. Now." Anya turned on her heels, grabbed Clarke by the arm when she was marching by and continued to the tower. She didn't look back once.

A part of her brain was telling her to ride off now. Anya wouldn't catch her and she would arrive at Arkadia shortly after Raven did. But her body was already dismounting and handing the reins to the stable boy. Somehow she managed to keep her composure while marching back through the street and straight into the elevator.

Clarke just let herself be pulled along. The damage was done. And the situation still needed to be dealt with. "I had to."

Once the elevator had reached the floor, Lexa stepped out and made her way into the throne room, throwing herself down onto the throne as another wave of tears spilled over onto her cheeks.

Clarke pulled her arm from Anya's tight grip before they made it to the throne room. She knew there would be repercussions for her actions but she still needed Anya to know…just to know. "I know how this goes. So I understand what you have to do."

Anya only nodded, stopping before entering.

Lexa's body shook with the silent sobs that forced their way out. She never wanted any of this. Ever. She thought that maybe, _finally_ , she would get her happy ending. But no, not with her duty. She had silently resigned herself before to the fact that she would never be truly happy as long as she was Heda.

Clarke had the doors pushed open and was at the bottom step in front of Lexa in an instant. "I'm sorry." She let her head nod in acknowledgement. "Theron and Kress separated along the Northern border of Arkadia to gather some supplies for the night. Kress told me he was heading back to their camp when he heard Theron yell out and the sounds of gun fire. One shot."

"Why didn't you just tell me that before?" Lexa's face was covered by one hand, the other having a white-knuckled grip on the arm of the throne. She took in a few shaky breaths in an attempt to compose herself.

"I know what it's like to watch you choose this." Clarke swung her arms out around her. "I know what it feels like to have you look me in the eyes and tell me you choose your people over me. I couldn't let her see that... Ever!"

Lexa bit down on her lip, biting back the words she knew were lies. She knew Clarke was right. Her title would force her to choose her people's well-being over any singular person's, even if that person was Raven.

"She chose to leave. Her words 'I'd rather her hate me than have to choose'."

Lexa's head snapped up almost immediately. She didn't care how red her eyes were or how the trails down her face shone in the light. She felt like she had been run over by one of Skaikru's vehicles. Had Raven really said that? She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"She may have been in that mountain when you left but I honestly think she believes she is a choice when it comes to… _this_. Being the Commander. And she didn't want you to have to do that.”

"I didn't get to say goodbye..." Everything Clarke said was true. And it hurt. It hurt because she knew what she would have chosen even if Raven was there. It hurt because she could imagine Raven's face, leaving her behind without so much as a _word_. It just hurt.

"Now I need you to put Lexa aside and I need the Commander. And the Adviser." Clarke glanced to Anya. "I need some of your best Trikru warriors and Anya. If that's alright. I want to leave by sun down and I want to find out what the hell happened. And I need you to figure out a way that doesn't let you have to choose between Raven and being the damn Commander."

"I should ride with you. They're my people too. Plus it will be easier instead of trying to communicate back and forth between the cities."

Clarke pulled the forgotten radio from her pocket holding it out for her. "She told me to give this too you."

Anya watched and listened and nodded agreeing to ride with Clarke but was not in agreement with Lexa joining. “Commander, if I may? You should stay here."

Lexa stood and took the radio from Clarke, placing it down on the table before turning towards the balcony. "Take whomever you see fit Anya. I expect you both back in a week's time, but I also expect you to keep me informed over the radio. Go now so you can start traveling today." Before the two left, Lexa turned back towards Clarke. "Take care of her for me."

Clarke just nodded as she left the room, waiting for Anya a few feet down the hall.

Anya quickly followed, closing the door behind her. "I will get the warriors. Have the horses ready for us."

Clarke pushed Anya into the wall just out of sight of the guards. "I need you to know that there will probably _always_ be a piece of me that...cares…about her. But you…no matter how this goes I want _you_. I wanted you yesterday and I wanted you this morning when we woke up together and I'm going to want you tomorrow. Whatever you decide to do going forward, I'll accept."

Anya only nodded slightly, bringing a hand to Clarke's cheek. "I'll meet you at the gate."

Clarke leaned against the wall after Anya had left, trying to catch her breath and get a minute to take everything in. A couple minutes into that Lexa had blown right by her without even seeing her on the opposite wall. She waiting a few more minutes then decided to go see her before leaving the city.

Lexa took the stairs up the few floors to her bedroom. The ache in her chest seemed to spread farther as she entered the room, placing the radio down on the bed. She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself, but to no avail. Her mind was all over the place, but the rage built up in her body took over as she stormed around the room, looking for something, _anything_ to help relieve it. Somewhere in the process she flipped the large table over onto its side, papers and maps scattering everywhere. A few of the candle holders fell over from the impact of the table. Books were thrown from shelves, miscellaneous items tossed around, until the room looked like it had been robbed. With what energy she had left, Lexa sunk to the ground at the foot of her bed, knees pulled up to her chest and arms curled around them. The chaos surrounded her as more tears fell, accompanied by not-so-silent sobs.

Clarke knocked once lightly then entered without waiting for an invite. Seeing the room in such disarray would have left her calling for the guards on any other occasion but this. Moving deeper into the room Clarke finally saw Lexa sitting on the floor and it tore her apart for so many reasons. Without thinking she sat next to her, gathering Lexa in her arms.

Lexa subconsciously curled into the blonde's chest, her face buried in the crook of her neck. "You should have told me..."

"Maybe..." She held just a little tighter, rubbing large circles into Lexa's back. "And what would you have done?"

"If you had told me your plan to send her away...and why...I would have agreed with you..." She hiccupped slightly, taking in shaky breaths to calm herself.

"We both know...it wouldn't have been like that. Yeah you might have agreed on the spot but..." Clarke let her head drop down to rest atop Lexa's. "You have to be the Commander…and if this going badly…"

"If sending her back to Arkadia was the safest plan I would've agreed to it every single time. As long as she's safe..."

"You don't understand." Clarke pulled Lexa's head back so she could look at her. "There is still a part of her that believes if it comes down to it, she would be amongst the things on a list of choices. Like being Heda is a choice."

Lexa looked away, her teeth chewing at her bottom lip. Clarke was right. It wasn't a choice. If it was, she would have thrown it all away. For Raven.

"I think for maybe the first time ever…you actually want it to be." Clarke's voice had gotten so low, so small. "She's special, Lexa. And if there is a way you can make it so she is not only _on_ the list but actually _is_ the list…I hope you find it."

"She is _everything_..." Lexa's voice was barely a whisper.

"I should get down to Anya. I'm going to find out what happened and…fix this." Clarke made no move to get up.

"Please...take care of her...for me. Tell her that I never wanted any of this to happen..." Lexa only curled tighter against her.

"I will," was all she offered choosing to continue to rub circles onto Lexa's back instead of moving to her feet so she could leave. A few more minutes couldn't hurt. She could be selfish for a few more minutes.

Lexa nodded, her head dropping to Clarke's shoulder again. She wanted every moment right now. This would probably the last intimate contact she would have for a while.

Clarke waited until she felt long heavy breaths puffing out over her neck before she attempted to move. It wasn't easy but she managed to lay the girl down and pull some furs from the bed to lay on and around her. She took one last look at the girl that was once her own everything, nodded then left for the stable.


	30. Chapter 30

Anya stood at the stables, the group of Trikru warriors behind her. They had enough supplies to make the journey to Arkadia packed in the saddlebags, but Clarke was still nowhere to be seen.

Clarke came walking into the covered area of the stable, small leather bound book in her hand, scribbling away. "We aren't going to Arkadia. I would bet my life that this is not an attack from within those walls." Looking to Anya for any input, Clarke handed two pieces of paper to two warriors.

"Then where?" Anya looked at the blonde, questioning. It was a gun that shot Theron, who else would have guns?

"There are paths and quite a few hidden trails on that northeastern boarder. I think-" Clarke counted 6 men varying in size in the group, "-the eight of us can form two groups of 3 and one group 2 once we get close to where…Theron…was taken from us. We can use the darkness and possibly track down who did this."

"You're suggesting we _hunt_ down the culprit? At this point they're probably long gone."

"Why did you choose one of your best trackers if you didn't already believe I would suggest that? Wait-" Clarke looked over the men again, "-make that two of your best trackers. Look, I gave you both a rough sketch of that area from what I had copied over from Lincoln and then my own scouting trips."

"This is dangerous Clarke. I don't-" Anya bit back the words, looking away from the blonde for a second before nodding.

"It is dangerous. And maybe we don't all make it back."

There were so many things Anya wanted to say. All of them started with _no_ and ended with the fact that she couldn't lose Clarke. "Alright, let's get going."

"I hope being the Commander’s Adviser hasn't made you too soft." Clarke knew it was a risky move but she used her intimate knowledge of the woman to her advantage. Letting the words fall with a hint of challenge, Clarke walked over to her horse and mounted before looking back to the warrior.

Anya mounted hers, along with the other six behind them. "We need to ride fast if we want to make it there before dark. Once there we can split off and start searching." She ignored Clarke's comments, only glancing at the blonde once before riding through the opened gates.

Clarke knew the challenge had been accepted. And she also knew the softness Anya's eyes showed for her was all but gone, she just hoped it wasn't permanent.

Some 3 or so hours into the ride Clarke signaled for the group to stop so they could go over the plan and iron out any details that need be. She dismounted her horse, stretching and using the last hints of the sun to get her bearings.

Anya also dismounted, the rest of the warriors staying atop their horses. "So Ambassador, what's the plan?”

"You're paired with me." Clarke looked up at the men still sitting on their horses. "Trackers split up. One team of 2. One team of 3."

The groups split off, following the trackers down their paths. Anya stood, watching them ride off, wondering how many would be returning at the end of this.

The last warrior moved off to the side of the trail, his eyes scanning through the forest for any little movement or hints of danger.

"Look, we all know the first mention of guns brings back memories of…Pike. I know that. But this is different. Whoever did this _let_ Kress live. This might be a trap..."

"A trap?" Anya felt dumb for not thinking of it sooner. Why hadn't she anticipated other options?

"You already made up your mind that this is SkaiKru. Or at the least you assumed it would be. But yes, a trap. Probably for me."

"Then why are you out here? I can't let you get hurt Clarke." Anya grabbed her arm, gently but still firm.

"The radios that Raven had been making for the scouts and chiefs to stay in touch…Theron's was gone." Clarke looked down to where Anya had a hold of her, then back up to her face. "Those were paired with one, maybe 2 others so I don't know if this was about me or…I don't know…even Lexa at this point."

"So what's the plan then? How are we going to do this?"

"There is a trail about 30 minutes north of us. It saves about an hour of travel time between Arkadia and Polis. It comes in behind the camp, it’s their weakest spot for patrol but there wasn't enough guards…It's a lot more shaded and thick forest. Less visible and can leave the camp open to attacks. And the supplies alone would make this worth attacking. I don't know. I'm mostly guessing at that but this back path has to have something to do with this."

"And we're going to go looking there?"

"I think someone wants me on that trail. So, yes. We are."

Anya nodded, her jaw clenching. "Please be careful. I can't lose you."

Clarke leaned forward letting her lips brush Anya's. "So let's both be careful then."

Anya walked back over and remounted her horse. "Shall we?"

Clarke was back up on her horse pulling in front of the other two leading them to…to what she didn't even know. It could be a trap. An ambush. An enemy from her past.

"Are you ready?" Anya brought her horse up next to Clarke's, looking at the blonde.

"Up ahead where I said this path fades away is going to be a clearing. That's where Kress found Theron. That's where I'll be. You two circle around. Wide enough to stay hidden." Clarke took off before Anya could answer.

Anya nodded as she took her horse off the path. She swept around behind the point Clarke was riding to and positioned herself several feet to the other side while the warrior behind her stayed closer to where they had all split off.

Clarke rode until she came to the split. The trail started to become over grown exactly where she had noted on her map. The sky had faded away to dark reds and purples leaving the forest in shadows. The other teams had orders to set up camp wherever they were by this point and she figured she should to. Clarke dismounted and began to pull a few things from the saddle bags to prep for the night’s stay.

Anya rode out from the brush where she was hidden and dismounted. "We can take turns on watch throughout the night. Every few hours the three of us will switch off."

"I'll gather some wood for a small fire. After that I can take first watch. You two can get some rest."

Anya nodded. "We'll set up everything. Don't wander off too far, I need to keep eyes on you."

"Just eyes?" Clarke called back as she dipped past some thick brush. She collected a nice amount of fallen branches that could keep the fire going until at least dawn. A few hundred feet from the makeshift camp Clarke caught movement out of the corner of her eye but when she turned it was only some small forest creature climbing to safety.

Anya only smirked as she finished setting up the sleeping arrangements, pulling out some food for the group. She looked up every once in a while, watching for the blonde in the trees.

Clarke came trudging back with an armful of wood and two squirrels tied to a rope. "Third one got away." She shrugged. "Could give the tails to some of kids in Polis."

"I bet they'd love that, especially from Wanheda." Anya began building up the firewood in a pile before lighting it and starting work on the squirrels.

Clarke felt a chill down her spine as Anya called her _Wanheda_. The name still felt like acid on her tongue and ears but she had grown to accept her actions. This time was different. There was something in the way it rung out that had her eyes scanning the dark forest.

Anya looked at her. “You okay? Something wrong?”

"The shot that killed Theron came from the woods. And I'd say deep enough in that they could use the darkness. High powered rifle maybe." Clarke sat heavily on one of the stumps that was pulled over by the fire. "Kress said it was one shot to the body and he bled out quickly. Maybe you should just stay low."

Anya looked her over, then nodded. "You too."

"After I check the area. I was already out there and I saw nothing. But there has to be _something_. Some trace."

"Please be careful Clarke..." Anya turned the girl's head so that she could look straight at the blues. "If it is a trap for you I don't want you going out alone."

"I'm not alone right now, am I?" Clarke let her eyes hold the light brown pair looking at her.

"Let me go take a look around instead. Stay here." Anya stood before the blonde could protest and walked a ways out from the camp. She quietly walked around the perimeter, looking off into the trees and brush.

Clarke just sat there. She looked from the warrior sitting off to side, sharpening his knife, eyes never leaving the wooded areas to the place she say Anya walking towards before the darkness took her. Her mind spun with everything that had happened since the mornings meeting. Kress and his loss. Raven and her loss. Lexa and the way...the way she looked so lost.

After a few minutes Anya returned, sitting by the fire once more. "Everything looks good for now."

"You should get some rest. I'll wake you if I see or hear anything." Clarke kept her face turned away from Anya.

"Are you sure you'll be okay on first watch? I can always take it instead."

“I am.”

Anya nodded, then looked away. She waited a few minutes before laying back, turning her face away from the flames.

Clarke still had her face turned away from Anya. She was so deep in her mind and lost in thought that should probably wouldn't be of much use if someone did attack them.

Soon after reclining, Anya had drifted off to sleep. The warrior behind her followed suit, his knife still in hand.

Clarke walked the perimeter every thirty minutes or so. She would dip in and out of the woods as silent as any trained warrior. At about the three hour mark she woke the Trikru warrior and showed him the paths she walked and the areas she had kept watch over. Feeling the cold of the night start to seep into her bones, Clarke laid herself behind Anya resting an arm over her body. She didn't care if it was wrong or right, she just wanted to be near her. Just in case.

Even asleep Anya's body noticed the new source of warmth. She cuddled back into Clarke, pressing up against her where she could.

Clarke felt like she had _just_ closed her eyes when a hand covered her mouth. Her warrior was looking down at her and Anya, shaking his head for them to stay quiet. Far off to the east the sun was just lifting the darkness from the sky.

Anya had woken up to the presence over the two of them. She silent sat up, looking around for whatever had caught the warrior's attention.

Clarke had just pulled Anya back down when she heard the sound of a gunshot then the warrior grunt. He pointed to his arm to show is wasn't a serious hit. Then she heard it. She snap of the twig to her right.

Anya scrambled up, knife in hand. She threw it quickly in the direction of the snapping branches, hoping it would meet its target.

Clarke was on her feet running into the woods. Her eyes catching the flashes of movement and the sounds of horses shaking the earth as they approached.

Anya was right after her, following close behind. There was someone running, but who?

Clarke had her own gun out now and was chasing the figure dressed in heavy camouflage. "Go back and check your men." She yelled back to Anya.

"Be careful!" Anya circled back to the camp, where the other five had now arrived. The one who had been staying with them was getting his arm attended to by another.

Clarke heard more shots coming from the direction she was running towards so she aimed as best she could with the limited visibility. She knew she hit her target well enough to bring him down.

Anya counted the men. One was laying down off to the side, another bent over him. She walked over to see the second one stand, shaking his head. Another was tending to wounded leg.

 Clarke ran after the man until they had made a turn and came close to the camp again. She knew she hit him but he kept running.

Anya heard the brush rustling and stood, drawing her sword. She heard a gunshot and thought that Clarke had hit the assailant until she felt the searing pain in her shoulder.

Clarke came stumbling through the last of the brush to see Anya being momentarily shaken. A streak a blood beginning to soak through her left sleeve. Two of the warriors had…When she saw his eyes she froze. There was still a mask covering his face but she knew those eyes.

The two warriors began restraining the man, tying him to a nearby tree. One of the ones who had been shot before rushed over to Anya, helping to tend to her shoulder.

Nudging the hulking man aside, Clarke bent down in front of Anya looking over every inch she could checking for more injuries. "You're gonna be okay. Get you back to camp and you're gonna be okay." The bullet might not have been in the same place but it still brought her back, seeing Lexa nearly bleed out while she worked as fast as she could.

"Clarke..." Anya's other hand came up to gently cup the blonde's face. "I'm okay. I'll be fine. It only hurts a little."

"Are you sure? I can-" She looked over at the small pile of her supplies trying to remember if she had the few things needed.

"Yes, I'm fine. We can bandage it up for now and then you can take a better look at it when we get to Arkadia."

Clarke released a shaky breath and nodded. It was the best option for both of them. "Okay. Now what do we do with him? Because if you don't come up with a plan real quick I'm gonna kill him."

"Bring him to Arkadia. We can interrogate him there and find out what we need to know, as well as updating Lexa on the situation." The warrior helping Anya finished tying the cloth around her shoulder.

"I'm still gonna kill him. Emerson has to pay for this." Clarke stood to assess the damage around her. One shot dead. Three injured including Anya. Bringing him back to Arkadia was the best they could do. Even with the emotional trauma it could bring up.

"When Lexa hears what happens she will surely order his death. And I would be surprised if she did not give you the honor." Anya stood up slowly, her left arm pressed against her side and a small grimace of pain popping up on her face.

"We can't all ride to Arkadia. I'll have the men put the...fallen…on the back of my horse and we can go on ahead while they wait for us to come back with a way to transport. Or do you have another idea?"

She called over to two unharmed warriors as they mounted their horses. "They go get help and bring it back. I'd prefer if you and your medical expertise stay here so we can check all of the wounds."

"That's not..." Clarke just shrugged. It has been a long night then this. "When you get to the gate tell them I sent you and ask for Kress. And Kane. Tell him we have injured and nothing more. Follow the map." She said to the two men.

They nodded and rode off down the path towards Arkadia. Anya went to the other injured warriors, checking on their injuries quickly before rejoining Clarke.

"He'll never tell us anything of importance. You know that…I don't even know if I can keep him alive long enough _to_ tell us anything once we get him inside the gate." Clarke had her fingers toying with the handle of her dagger. She still wanted to watch the life drain from his eyes. Didn't matter how much it wouldn't make her feel better.

"Patience Clarke. Eventually you will have your justice which you seek."

"That I seek?" Clarke couldn't help the anger in her voice. " _You_ almost died in that mountain. _Everyone_ I care about almost died in that mountain!"

"Clarke, please calm down." Anya brought her hand up to the girl's cheek, cupping it again gently.

"Calm down? I could have walked Raven right into this." She pulled away from Anya. Just the _thought_ of her people suffering again at the hands of this man…She could barely contain herself.

Anya grabbed Clarke's arm and pulled her in tightly, hugging her close to her body. She grimaced again as pain shot through her shoulder but she didn't care.

Clarke breathed in the scent that was all Anya. It was filled with dirt and mint with a hint of lavender that she used to bathe in. She had been close with the Adviser for a while, the way she smelled not new but now it had an intimate feel. Relaxing. "You know I can feel your heart rate increase right?"

"Shush." Anya smiled a little, holding the girl close to her.

Feeling a little too relaxed, Clarke pulled away from the taller woman. She checked in the two wounded warriors making sure everything that could be done with what little she had was done.

Anya kept looking down the path, finally seeing the two riders arrive with a vehicle behind them.


	31. Chapter 31

Clarke rode through the Arkadia gates behind the Rover, Anya just off to her left. They both dismounted handing the reins to one of the guards. "Anya, follow into the medical bay. My mother will take care of you. I'll be in after I talk to Kane."

"Alright, figure this whole situation out." She dismounted and followed the other men to the medical bay as Kane exited the rover and walked over to Clarke.

"How much did Kress tell you?" She embraced the Chancellor in a short but much needed hug.

"Enough. What happened with your group? I see quite a few are hurt." He stood back, watching the warriors meet Abby at the med bay.

Clarke explained the details as they had happened from Theron being shot up to that moment she had come through the gates.

"Emerson? From the mountain?" Kane looked at her. "I thought Heda banished him?"

"She did." Clarke's jaw clenched at the memory. "Looks like he had other plans. That could have been Raven or me…Or both." She took a quick look around not spotting the mechanic. "Where is she? Raven?"

"Probably in the garage. She was pretty quiet when she got back."

"Can you have some of the guards put Emerson in holding? Or somewhere else secure and alone but visible. Shock collar him if you need to. I need to speak with the Commander before- well hopefully she'll have a better idea of what to do with him. But I'm going to see Raven first."

"Of course. He's being locked up as we speak. Go speak to her."

Clarke made her way through the familiar roads, passing by as people stopped to watch her. She didn't care right about now, she had to check on Raven. Walking into the garage, she called out for her. "Raven?"

Raven was in the far corner leaning on one of her makeshift crutches. Her brace was half apart on the benchtop, hammer in her hand as she pounded down on a metal piece.

Clarke walked over, assessing the damage. "What happened?"

Her head popped up the second she heard Clarke's voice. Raven was instantly relieved even if it wasn't the person she needed to see. "It just needs some adjustments." Raven put her head back down, looking at her hands. "I was worried about you."

"I'm fine. We took care of the problem. Right now it's just a waiting game." She walked over and stood next to the brunette, looking down at the brace. "It looks like you tore this thing open."

"Waiting game?" Raven turned her upper body so she was facing the blonde. "Waiting for what?"

"Well, we have to interrogate him, then radio back to Lexa so we can decide on a plan..."

Just hearing her name made Raven's stomach clench. She kept hoping her radio would spark to life and she would hear her voice. She kept telling herself Lexa would reach out until it wasn't even about the radio anymore. Of course if there was a choice to be made, Lexa would choose her. Until she realized…she was never a choice. She was an option and she needed to accept it.

"Raven..." Clarke put a hand on her shoulder.

Raven's eyes landed on the smeared blood on Clarke's hands and jacket making her drop the crutch so she could poke and prod all over her upper body. "You have blood all over! Are you hurt Clarke?"

"No, not me. Anya took a bullet to the shoulder, she's fine though. Two other were wounded. We did lose one..." Clarke looked at the blood smeared on her. She had gotten so used to it, between her skills and her title.

Raven pulled Clarke in for a crushing hug. Hearing about the injuries and death and loss…Just the thought of losing Clarke after the last 24 hours was a bit more than her mind could fully deal with. "You can't just run around like this Clarke! If anything were to happen-"

"Raven, everything's fine! We caught him, that's all that matters. Those three will be fine, my mom's taking care of them right now. We knew it was going to be dangerous." Clarke returned the hug, pulling the girl in close.

"I can't lose you, Clarke." She pulled away from the hug, leaning back on the bench to keep herself steady without her crutch or brace. "Not you too…"

"I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. But I do need a favor. I need your radio."

"It's on the bench behind you." Raven picked up the hammer and started slamming it down on a piece of the brace she had been trying to reform to the shape of her calf.

Clarke looked around the bench until she found the radio on its side and half hidden under some paperwork. She fiddled with the buttons making sure it was the same as the one she handed over to Lexa. "Commander, can you hear me?"

Back in Polis, Lexa had been standing on the balcony overlooking the city. She had been there for quite some time, nothing drawing her away until she heard the crackle of the radio and a familiar voice call for her. She rushed over, picking up the radio. "Clarke, is that you?" She hoped she was doing it right, since Raven did not explain to her very well how the radio works. She assumed she just talked and Clarke would hear her.

"Come in Commander. Can you hear me?" Clarke glanced up at Raven who was still pounding away.

"Yes Clarke I can hear you." Lexa kept talking to the radio, wondering if Clarke could hear her.

"Raven? Do I have the settings right" She looked over at the girl who was still pounding and smashing. That brace was not going to be able to withstand what Raven was doing. Not getting an answer Clarke wondered if Lexa even knew _how_ to use the radio. "Lexa, are you there? Do you know what to press?" She tried again.

Lexa stopped. _Press_? Was she doing something wrong? She looked around the radio, turning it in her hands several times. "What do you mean press?" She asked out loud, not realizing she had accidentally pushed the talk button.

Raven's head jerked to the side when she heard Lexa's voice. It made her heart race and she smiled for the first time since she had seen her until she remembered…Until it came back to her that she was just a choice-an _option_.

"Commander! Yes whatever you just did, the button on the side. Press that when you talk." Clarke saw the look on Raven's face when she first heard Lexa. The smile and gleam in her eyes. Then the way her face fell and the darkness. She would have to deal with that later.

Lexa smiled slightly on the other end, finally seeing the button on the side that she just pressed. She had conquered Skaikru technology by herself...with a bit if help. "How was the trip to Arkadia? What are your plans now?"

"We set up camp in the area Theron was killed. Early this morning we were attacked"

"Attacked? By who? Is anyone hurt?"

"Emerson. He made his way back into the territories around Arkadia. I have to assume he was waiting for me. One dead. Three injured including Anya. She took a bullet to the shoulder."

Lexa bit her lip, waiting a minute to respond. The sound of Anya's name...her being injured...she was the closest thing to family Lexa had and she couldn't lose her. "How's Raven?"

"She's..." Clarke looked back over to where Raven was standing only to find her gone. Brace still on the bench but crutches gone. "I haven't had the chance to really talk to her yet with getting the injured to medical."

"Oh...okay..." Lexa bit her lip again, the pang in her chest reminding her of the previous days. "When you see her...tell her I'd like to talk sometime."

"Commander..." Clarke tried to convey…what? What could she say that she hadn't already?

Lexa didn't want to hear anymore. "You said the assailant was Emerson? From Mt Weather?"

"Yes. I presume your previous decision will be changed?" She tried to keep voice even and calm but she knew there was a hint of annoyance there.

"We will have to speak with him first. I will put together a team and ride out tomorrow at dawn. Until then, I would ask that you do not contact him in any way."

"With all due respect Commander, I'm gonna kill him."

"Clarke. I understand your anger. More so now than before. We need to go about this in a calm manner. Interrogate him first. I will allow you the honor of executing him though. Now please, don't do anything stupid until I get there."

"Fine. I'll wait until you are here."

Lexa sighed in relief. "Thank you. Now, go check on Anya please. I know she's probably fine but..."

"She is fine and I'm sure my mom has her all patched up along with the others. Be careful on your travels Le-" Clarke cleared her throat and corrected herself. "Commander."

Lexa put the radio back down on the desk and stood, walking back over to the balcony, thinking about what was to come.

Clarke stuffed the radio into her pocket as she walked through the garage. She knew she would need to follow up with Kane and find Raven at some point but she needed to see her mother and Anya. Walking the corridor she passed by some friends and shared a few hellos and hugs with fellow delinquents until she was stepping through the doors and in to the medical unit.

Anya looked over to see Clarke walking in just as Abby was securing the last stitch in her shoulder. Her armor and shirt were tucked neatly next to the cot she currently lay on. She smiled upon seeing Clarke while Abby cleaned up the supplies and then walked over to embrace her daughter. "You've been gone far too long," Abby said as she pulled Clarke in.

Clarke allowed herself the moment to melt into her mother’s embrace. It _had_ been entirely too long since they had seen each other and even longer that she had allowed herself this. "I know."

Abby took a step back and held the girl at arm's length as she always did, looking her over. "Every time I see you it feels as though you've grown so much more."

"I'm not a kid anymore, you know." Nodding in the Adviser’s direction, Clarke asked about the status of everyone that had been brought there. "None of them were serious? I looked them over while we were out there but didn't have a med kit."

"None at all. More were only flesh wounds. I would have to say," she said as she turned and nodded at the Adviser, "yours was the most serious."

"Well then, I feel honored." Anya chuckled as she brought her hand up to her chest, acting to her own words.

The bubble of laughter that spilled from Clarkes lips was more of a shock to her own ears than it might have been to anyone else's. But it felt good. To laugh and then the smile that followed it. She had always enjoyed the quick wit from Anya but today would be her favorite thus far. She was so focused on the woman she forgot her mother was standing there when she leaned in and brushed her lips over her temple.

Abby could only smile and shake her head. "I'll leave you two alone for now."

Anya smiled up at the blonde, taking her hand and squeezing it slightly. "Told you I'd be fine. Do you want to know the funny part about this? Promise me you won't get mad, because I know you will."

"Are you trying to lose sympathy points?"

"Well, I think I'm going to gain an infinite number of sympathy points when I tell you the secret."

"I can't promise anything." She leaned her hip against the cot waiting for whatever this would be and who knew when it came to Anya.

"Well your mother was looking at the bullet once she pulled it out of my shoulder...and she said it was more than likely from a smaller hand gun, not the one Emerson was carrying."

"Smaller hand gun? You think he had two- oh...Oh! Oooh..." Clarke covered her mouth just in case another bubble of laughter tried to escape. It wasn't funny but…it kinda was.

Anya laughed. "It was most likely yours, yes. Funny, right? What was that old story...something about a fat baby with wings that would shoot people in love? I don't think they meant it this way."

Clarke went from full laughter to complete silence and her mouth in the shape of an O for a minute. Her eyes wide and searching. "Did you just…? I mean because if you didn't it's not a thing but of you did…"

"What? Did I do what?" Anya glanced up, searching her face for any signs. Did she say something wrong?

Clarke shook her head getting rid of the thought. It was just a saying. Didn't mean anything. "You know what…It's nothing but…I can say with near certainty that _you_ are getting some later."

Anya smiled. "Now I do like the sound of that. Thankfully, I got shot in the left shoulder because-" she reached up and grabbed Clarke's shirt, pulling her in close so she could whisper in her ear, "-you like my right hand more."

Clarke let out a shaky breath. She couldn't deny the truth of what Anya said if her life depended on it. The woman was talented with both hands but the magic her right hand was capable of…It had Clarke squeezing her legs together just thinking about it.

"Or...we could do something about it right now." Anya glanced down at Clarke's shifting, wanting to help the girl.

"I'm not really sure right now in here is a good idea. In fact I know it's a really bad idea with the amount of people that walk through here including my mother." Clarke shifted again trying her best to calm herself down.

"Oh? Bet I can make this a quick one." Anya was already tugging the girl onto the cot, getting her to straddle her hips, her "magic" right hand toying with her waistband.

"This is what turns you on isn't it?" Clarke placed her hands on either side of her head, eyes already hooded and half closed.

"Mm, I just think _you_ turn me on." Anya leaned up, capturing the blonde's lips in her own as her hand snaked its way into the waistband of Clarke's pants.

"The feeling is very mutual." Clarke's hips were already grinding down in search of some sort of friction. The way Anya's voice dropped so low could make her ache then add in everything that was currently happening and she was sure she would be soaking wet.

"The only question right now is how long you're going to last." Anya managed to get small circles around Clarke's clit going. With the pants and the angle she couldn't get to her entrance, but she knew the bud would be sensitive.

"Stop being so smug and make me cum." Clarke's hips were canting and grinding so much the cot was starting to squeak.

Anya only winked and then pressed one finger roughly against the bud, drawing harsh tight circles on it.

She was so close she could feel herself clenching around nothing. The burn and twist in the pit of her stomach grew stronger with every circle. "A little more, I'm almost there…"

Anya growled in her ear. "Now, Clarke. Cum for me _now_."

Clarke had bit down into her lower lip to keep herself from yelling out when she wave crashed into her. Her clit had been throbbing and pulsing and Anya knew exactly what to do to push her over the edge. "Fuck _me_ that was incredible." Clarke pressed their foreheads together for a minute while she tried to catch her breath.

Anya only leaned up to catch her lips in another kiss. She pulled away, looking at the girl until she heard someone clearing their throat in the doorway.

Bellamy stood there, awkwardly shifting on his feet. "Uh...hope I wasn't interrupting. Kane wants to see you Clarke." He hurried out of the room, hoping to put the image out of his head.

"Later. Go speak with Kane." Anya grabbed her hand a squeezed gently with a smile.

Clarke leaned down to press a soft kiss to Anya's lips. It was unlike their usual heated and rougher kisses but it was what Clarke wanted to give at that moment. "If you get cleared come join us."

Anya nodded, relaxing back on the cot.

Clarke rushed out of the room and ran right into her mother. She sent up a prayer to whoever for delaying her return. "Is Kane in his room or..?"

"Last I checked yes. How's Anya doing?"

"Seems fine to me." She called back as she rounded the corner bolting for the room at the end of the long hall.

Abby furrowed her brow as she walked into the room again, looking at Anya. "Only one rule. You hurt my daughter, you have to deal with me. Got it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look at how kind we were...we gave you some smut in here...


	32. Chapter 32

Clarke took a moment outside of the Chancellor’s door to compose herself again. There was still a buzzing coursing all throughout her body. She walked in after knocking a few times but found only Miller and Harper at the table going over some paperwork.

Harper looked up from the table and smiled. "Clarke, hey. How's everything been? Kane was looking for you."

"Hey Harper, Miller." She smiled but looked the room over again. "Did he say where he went or..?"

"I think he was taking a walk. Probably out in the center of the city." Miller said, moving stuff around.

"Okay, thanks." Clarke backed out of the room and retraced her steps through the halls, but not stopping to chat like she had on the way there. Once outside she spotted Kane and jogged over to the guard station he had been standing near.

Kane heard her approaching and turned, smiling at her. "Ah, Clarke, good. I was wondering where you had gotten off to."

"I was checking on the…the wounded. And my mom of course." She cleared her throat. "I did talk to the Commander as well."

"You did? I'm guessing Raven managed to get the radios working in Polis then?" Kane looked over as the door to the medical bay swung open again. Anya stepped out, shirt in hand as she squinted in the sunlight. She saw Clarke and Kane off near the guard station and walked over to them, pulling her shirt on carefully, favoring her left arm.

"Christ-" Clarke muttered under her breath when she saw the way Anya's body shone in the sun. She shook her head to clear her thought then refocused on the situation as hand. "Only two as far as I know for these."

Kane looked confused, but quickly shook it off. "So what did the Commander say about Emerson?"

Anya walked up, hearing the end of the conversation. "Yes, what is the plan?"

"She plans to ride out at dawn to come here. An interrogation only at that point. I highly doubt he will say anything and who even knows if there is anything more?" Clarke looked between Anya and Kane. "She spared his life once and look at what happened."

"Clarke, you know she will order his execution after that. She gave him a chance. _Jus nou drein jus daun_. You taught her that." Anya placed a hand on her shoulder, watching her carefully.

"We have him restrained until then. He's chained in lockup. Two guards on the cell at all time, as well as the guards outside the prison. He'll be sticking around for a while." Kane nodded.

"I just want this _over_ with. I can only assume both of you understand why." She looked again from one to the other.

They both nodded. Kane took a step back. "If you'll excuse me, I have to finish my rounds. We will prepare for the Commander's arrival tomorrow morning." He turned and left, heading back down the path.

Clarke tilted her head back releasing a long breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take that out on you. I guess I'm _still_ on edge."

"It's okay, I understand. You're angry and you want justice." Anya's hand moved to her back, rubbing small circles.

"Don't you?" Anya's touch was soothing but it made the memory of finding her in that cart nearly bled to death even stronger. "You know what…let's just leave it for tomorrow."

"Yes. For now let's just relax and rest. It was an eventful morning to say the least."

"I should go find Raven." Clarke let herself lean a little more into the woman. She didn't care who was around or who saw. "She left when I finally managed to get Lexa over the radio. You should help get the men set up with whatever they need, if that's okay?"

"Alright. Come find me later though?" Anya already knew the answer to that question, but she asked anyway.

"You act as though you won't be with me in my room tonight. Which you can go to at any time. But of course I will." Clarke just let her words hang there for Anya to do with as she pleased.

Anya only smiled and walked off.

Clarke walked around, thinking of where Raven could have gone. Instead, she was pulled back to the garage where she could hear the hammer on metal again. She stepped inside and walked over to the workbench where Raven currently was.

Raven was balancing on the edge of a stool, hammer swinging back down on another piece of her brace. At that moment she would have kept slamming the hammer onto everything in sight just to not have to talk about _her._

"Raven, are you just trying to turn that brace into a pancake?" Clarke asked, placing a gentle hand on Raven's back.

"No. It needs to-" SLAM "-be-" SLAM "-reformed." SLAM

"You don't have to beat it that hard though. Even I know that."

Raven tossed the hammer down on the bench and started to reassemble the brace. She wasn't trying to be so harsh with Clarke. It was just that Clarke was the only person who knew what had been going on between her and Lexa and she was barely holding herself together.

"Raven, are you okay?" Clarke looked at her carefully, watching her movements.

"Of course." Raven dropped a small clip like piece, cursing through gritted teeth as she bent down to pick it up from the floor.

"You know you can always talk to me, right? About anything." Clarke thought for a moment about grabbing the piece, but she knew Raven would probably snap at her.

She stayed there on her hands and knees after tossing the piece back up onto the bench. The strain and stress over the last few days had really taken a toll on her body and now she was paying for it by not being able to push herself back up. After coming to the conclusion that Clarke was the only way she was getting up, Raven huffed out before looking up at her. "Can you? Help me up?"

Clarke bent down and threw the girl's arm over her shoulders as she wrapped her own around Raven's waist and pulled her back up.

Raven wrapped her other arm around Clarke and without another thought pulled her face up and pressed their lips together.

Clarke stopped for a moment, stunned. She couldn't process what was happening right now.

Raven tilted her head just the slightest bit to the side and attempted to deepen the kiss. It wasn't like they had never kissed before and it wasn't like they hadn't _drunkenly_ admitted to being _sort of_ attracted to each other. Even if this really wasn't about that.

Clarke knew she should've stopped. She should've sat Raven down on the stool and really talked with her. But she _couldn't_.

Raven fisted her hands in the front of the girl’s shirt to hold onto her and hold herself steady. She opened her mouth letting her tongue lick along Clarke's lower lip, wanting more.

She had lost almost all her control. Clarke pushed Raven up against the wall, her lips parting and tongue darting out. One hand held the back of Raven's neck while the other braced herself on the wall.

"There's a small room-" She breathed out more than had the vocal abilities. "-in the back. There's a desk and a couch." Her hands wandered down just enough to let her fingers dip into the top of Clarke's low cut shirt.

"Raven...should we really be doing this?" Clarke's free hand had moved under the back of Raven's shirt, fingers dancing over the skin.

"If you don't want-" What could she say? This…me…? She couldn't decide which so she let it just hang in the air between them.

Clarke didn't answer, but only pressed another kiss into Raven's mouth.

"It's not like we haven't done this before." Raven dropped her hands a little more, fingers tracing the line of skin just above the line of her bra. She let her tongue swirl and tangle with Clarke's, not really caring to dominate the kiss.

Clarke only pulled away once more, looking Raven straight in the eyes. "Our little secret..."

"Why are you still talking?" Raven let her browns hold Clarke's blues, her chest rising and falling with her heavy breaths.

Clarke smiled. "You said there was a room around here...lead the way."

Raven grabbed Clarke's hand and limp/walked to the little room that sat midway down the length of the garage. It was used mostly for whoever needed to do some paperwork but needed quiet. Once they were both inside Raven let the door close with a soft click then locked it. She stood there facing the door...waiting.

Clarke came up behind her and wrapped her arms around the girl's waist, burying her face in the curve of Raven's neck.

Raven pressed her forehead into the door and reached down to take one of Clarke's hands, slipping it into waist of her pants. She fumbled once but managed to get the button undone and zipper down.

Clarke eagerly slipped her hand down, her finger meeting the slick folds as her mouth kissed and nipped at the skin of Raven's neck.

Raven let her head fall to the side giving Clarke more access to her neck. She brought both of her hands up to rest on either side of her own head, her hips pressing back into Clarke.

Slowly, Clarke's fingers found their way to Raven's clit and began slow, lazy circles around it. Her other arm held tightly to Raven's waist, helping to support her against the door.

The pace was too slow leaving Raven's mind to wander and she didn't want any part of that. "Clarke-" She let her head fall back onto her shoulder. "I don't want slow."

"Then we need to lay you down." Clarke pulled the girl to the couch, pushing her down on it before kneeling down and pulling her pants to her ankles.

Raven pulled Clarke's face in close, bit her bottom lip and tugged. Not hard enough to draw blood but enough to show was very okay with this new pace. "Don't go easy."

"Of course." Once she had pulled Raven's shorts down to join her pants, Clarke lowered her face down and ran her tongue up through the folds, one finger sliding into the wet heat.

Raven's hands went to the back of the blondes head, fingers gripped and tugging fistfuls of golden locks. " _Fuck_ yes..."

Clarke quickly added a second finger, pumping and curling as her lips wrapped around Raven's clit, sucking it gently.

"Do you know how many times I've fucked myself to orgasm thinking about this?" Raven rocked her hips as much as she could up against Clarke's mouth. The fingers inside her just missing the spot that pushes her over the edge but she didn't care. She wanted this to keep going as long as possible. Until her mind shut off.

Clarke knew exactly where her fingers were curling, just a small fraction of an inch off of the spot that would send Raven spiraling downward. She purposely avoided it as her tongue flicked over the bud in her mouth.

Raven left one hand fisted on the blonde hair and raised the other to cup her own breast, pinching and squeezing under her shirt but over her bra. The sensation pushed her just a little bit closer but it still wasn't enough. She needed just that little bit more, on that spot.

Clarke moved her fingers a tiny bit, finally hitting that spot when she curled. She sucked the bud harder into her mouth, flicking it faster with her tongue.

Raven bit her lip to hold back whatever she might have said. Instead her head fell back onto the couch as her back arched up and held there until it almost hurt.

Clarke continued the assault of her fingers while her tongue spelled our words and phrases on Raven's clit.

The way Clarke kept going had Raven's mind start to cloud over. She felt herself slipping into a second orgasm and nonsense started to fall from her lips.

Clarke pulled her mouth off bur her fingers kept going. “Yes, that's a good girl...keep cumming for me."

Raven used her handful of Clarke's hair to tug her upwards. There was no denying the sound of her voice when it dropped like it just had, was always a turn on for Raven but she buried it away.

Clarke slowed the finger inside Raven as she looked up at her. "More?"

"Why are you asking?"

Clarke lowered her head again and continued the assault, sliding a third finger into Raven's core.

Raven pulled in a jagged breath as she felt herself being stretched just that little bit more. She was on the brink of another orgasm needing just that little bit more.

Clarke's tongue slid through the folds, lapping up every bit she could.

"I need you to go harder, Clarke. Please..." He voice was started to crack. Whether it was because she was about to be pushed over the edge again or cry she wasn't sure but she did know she wanted to be fucked until she couldn't think anymore.

Her fingers curled harder, pumped faster. Her mouth sucked and flicked at the bud. Clarke just wanted to help Raven. She decided last minute to run her teeth over Raven's clit in an attempt to push her.

Raven felt like she was going to pass out from the way she was being worked over by Clarke. Her eyes rolled up into the back of her head and all she could do was hold on and try not to think. Not to cry. Not to think about _her_.

All Clarke needed was one curl at the same time as a nip at Raven's clit and she could feel the clenching.

Raven pushed at the blondes head when she couldn't take any more. She was shaking and chest heaving with the effort to bring enough oxygen into her lungs. "Jesus Christ…"

Clarke pulled her mouth away and slowed her fingers to a complete stop before pulling back out. "Feeling better?"

Raven just let her body sink down into the couch. Her eyes staring up at the ceiling. She didn't know what to say. Her body felt like it was still in fire. A good kind of fire. But her mind…There was too many things swirling through her mind.

Clarke pulled herself up onto the couch, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling the girl close to her.

Raven let out a long sigh. She pulled away in an effort to lean down and grab hold of her shorts and pants so she could pull them back. "If you I would've known this whole time that all I needed to do was kiss you to get you to fuck me..." She tried to joke but it felt misplaced and slightly off.

Clarke chuckled quietly. "I told you I'd do anything for you. Even if that means sex in the back room."

Raven pushed herself up from the couch then just stood there looking at the door. "So what happens now?"

"I don't know. What do you want to happen?"

"I don't know, Clarke. Did I just…Did I ruin everything?"

"No." Clarke jumped up and pulled Raven into a tight hug. "Listen, you just needed some help and I was willing. This is our secret, okay?"

Raven managed to turn herself around in Clarke's arms. She took the girls hands and placed them over her own breasts. "What kind of secret?"

Clarke looked at her. "What kind of secret do you want to make it?"

"Is this a one-time thing?"

"I..." what could Clarke say? She knew mentioning anything about Lexa would hurt her, but continuing this would hurt her even more.

Raven turned again but kept her front flush with Clarke's. Her hand came up to cup the girl’s cheek. She pressed a soft but chaste kiss to her lips. "You don't have to answer that." Raven stepped back, Unlocked and opened the door then walked out without another word.

Clarke stood there for a second. What had just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To quote FindingSide: "JFC we are monsters."  
> -ADCT


	33. Chapter 33

Clarke hurried out into the garage, looking for Raven.

Raven was back by her bench already picking up where she had left off. A few more clicks and snaps and the brace was back together, ready to be worn again.

Clarke thought about going over to her, but after what just happened, she couldn't move.

Raven placed the brace around her leg making sure she had made all the right adjustments then snapped and buckled it all back into place. She looked around seeing nobody had come into the garage or at least nobody was there besides them then she looked back at Clarke. "It's not like I haven't wanted that on some level since you found me in that pod…So let's just call it left over residual lust…Or whatever. Okay?"

"Right...yeah. Residual." Clarke nodded, walking over to Raven. "Everything's all adjusted?"

“Yep.”

"Alright...wanna go grab something to eat with me? Rather not eat alone right now."

"Maybe you should go find Anya." Raven tried her best to stuff down the ache that was taking over in her chest.

"I'll find her later. Now let's go." Clarke knew she couldn't leave Raven alone currently.

Raven looked Clarke up and down, not really wanting to be around anyone but knew she wouldn't give up. "Okay…since I know you would have nagged me until I said yes anyway."

"Alright let's go then." Clarke started walking towards the garage door, staying close to Raven.

"Don't worry, I'm coming. Just a little slow." A hint of a smile played at the corners of her mouth. The adjustments she made to the brace had the part around her calf tighter than she was used to, making her walk a little slower.

"I know, no rush. We'll go at your pace." Clarke held out her hand, waiting.

Raven took the offered hand a little quicker than she really should have, lacing her fingers with Clarke's without any thought.

Clarke smiled, walking alongside the girl. She nodded quickly at Anya as they passed by her helping some people with preparations for the next day.

Right as they passed by the group of people, Raven realized Anya was there. Her brow crinkled slightly when Clarke hadn't dropped her hand. She squeezed once then went to let go.

Clarke only squeezed it harder, not allowing her fingers to release Raven's. She pulled her along, passing everyone. But she didn't care.

Once they stepped through the doors into the cafeteria Raven attempted to let go of Clarke's hand again. "Clarke..?"

"Hm?" Clarke looked back at her, still not releasing the hand.

"Are we going to eat like this?" She raised the joined hands to let Clarke know what she meant.

"Oh...uh..." Clarke finally let go. Her skin felt cold without the contact.

"Unless you want my hands on you." Raven whispered into Clarke's ear then kept walking as if she hadn't said anything.

Clarke didn't move. She had felt the ache since she..."helped" Raven in the garage, but the slow pulse started quickening between her legs.

Raven stopped and turned around to wait for Clarke. There had only been two other people there besides them so she let her eyes wander up and down Clarke's body. "It would only be fair, Clarke."

Clarke could feel herself nod. Fair...right. Just returning the favor, that was it. Nothing more than being a good friend.

After what had just happened there was no way Raven wasn't going to try _repay_ Clarke for her help. "I'm suddenly very hungry." Raven knew this was possibly the worst thing she could do at that moment but she couldn't find it within herself to care. Instead she turned and walked back out, heading to her room. She didn't look back once and when she entered her room she left the door cracked open and waited on her bed.

Clarke quickly followed her, closing the door behind her and then joining Raven on the bed.

Raven had her brace off before Clarke even hit the bed. Once she was close enough Raven pulled her into a kiss that was all teeth and tongue.

Clarke moaned into her mouth, her hands roaming once again. One made its way up under Raven's shirt, palming her breast through the material if her bra.

Raven held back the moan as much as she could but her chest was proving to be extra sensitive and Clarke's hand was making it difficult. She did manage, after having to squeeze her legs together, to pull Clarke's shirt up and off as well as her own.

Clarke's mouth instantly went to Raven's neck, kissing and nipping and sucking at the skin. The marks from Lexa were starting to fade and she planned on leaving her own there.

"This is supposed to be about you." She panted out. Raven had every intention of regaining the control back until Clarke found the spot on her neck that made her moan without holding back.

"Why not make it about both of us?" Clarke's mouth latched onto the spot that made music emerge from Raven's mouth, sinking her teeth into the soft skin.

"You're gonna leave a mark…" Raven's intention was to pull Clarke's mouth off of her but she ended up holding her there. "You really shouldn't- secret…"

Clarke finally pulled off, her tongue running over the area. "Shh, Raven. Just let me take care of you."

"Fine..go ahead." Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew this was going to serious repercussions and it wasn't that she _couldn't_ stop. It was that she didn't _want_ to stop. It made the pain in her chest feel just a little bit less and the hole just a little bit smaller.

Clarke's hands moved lower, unbuttoning Raven's pants and lowering the zipper before pulling them off. Her bra and shorts followed before Clarke stood up, looking her over.

Sitting up on her elbows, Raven smirked up at Clarke. "See something you like?"

Clarke nodded, ridding herself of her own pants. "Every single piece of it."

"Are you just going stand there?" Raven's eyes were nearly solid black, pupils blown wide.

Clarke smirked and slowly climbed back on the bed, taking her position in between Raven's legs.

"I'm not sure I should be this turned on by the sight of you like that."

"A lot of people have said that." Clarke ran her tongue through the folds, lapping up every drop she could right now. She could see why Raven and Lexa spent so much time alone in that room. Raven got wet fast, and it tasted delicious.

"I'm not really interested in what other people have said." Raven stayed propped up, watching every pass Clarke's tongue made.

Clarke slid two fingers into the wet heat again, curling them up again that spot as she sucked the clit into her mouth.

Raven dropped back, her head hitting the bed, when she felt Clarke stroke that spot. "You don't waste any time do you… _fuck_ that feels so fucking good..."

Clarke's tongue traced letters and words over Raven's clit, switching from English to Trigedasleng and back again, all while her fingers continued their motions.

Raven was trying her best to rock her hips at the same pace Clarke's fingers were pushing in and out of her center. And the way her clit was being worked over had her moaning until out and praising Clarke.

Clarke switched between her tongue caress Raven’s clit and her teeth nipping the skin of her thighs, trying to spread the sensations out more.

The attention to her thighs was what started the tugging and burning feel in the pit of her stomach. She was trying to keep wanting this to stay hard and fast but her body was lit on fire, craving every little touch.

Adding a third finger, Clarke decided to focus her attention on Raven's clit, but not before her free hand reached up to knead the skin of one of Raven's breasts.

One of Raven's hands found its way to the back of Clarke's head, holding her on place. Her other hand covered over the one over her breast. "Don't stop anything you're doing!"

Clarke's pace only quickened, trying to push Raven over the edge. The ache between her own legs had intensified since starting.

Raven fell right over the edge with a whimper and groan. The way Clarke was stretching her had her wanting this to keep going until she couldn't handle it and her grip on Clarke's head only got stronger.

Even with the clenching and whimpers Clarke didn't slow down. She knew what Raven truly needed and she wasn't going to stop until she had managed to turn the girl's brain into putty.

"I want your face up here… _fuck_." With the little bit of her mind she had left Raven pushed Clarke's head back and away from her super sensitive clit.

"Where do you want me Raven? Show me..." Clarke's voice was barely a whisper as she climbed her way back up, positioning herself right above Raven so that she could stare into the dark eyes. Her fingers kept pumping and curling, but her thumb took over on Raven's clit, drawing harsh circles around it.

Raven knew words...or she thought they were words…were coming out of her mouth but what they were and what she asked for she had no clue about. She just knew her body was crashing through another wave and her legs were starting to shake with the effort.

Clarke pressed gentle kisses against Raven's jaw and cheek as she slowed her thrusts, but not stopping them. Her thumb relaxed, gently teasing the bud under it.

"I might pass out…" She said, voice soft but strained from amount of moaning Clarke was pulling out of her.

"Shh." Clarke moved her gentle kisses to Raven's lips, her fingers still curling slowly.

Raven opened her mouth trying concentrate on _how_ kissing worked, her own tongue licking up as much of her own taste as she could. Her core felt like it was going to explode but pace was so slow it hurt _and_ felt amazing…

Clarke moved away slowly, her mouth trailing kisses down Raven's neck and jaw until her lips closed around one hardened peak and sucked, her tongue flicking over the tip.

"Thank God for girls with talented mouths..." The flicks over her nipple had her gasping and arching. The grey headspace starting to make her head feel fuzzy.

After popping off the first one, Clarke moved to the second breast, repeating everything as her fingers began to speed up again.

Raven's body was so overworked all she could do was hold on as Clarke pushed her over the edge again. Her moans and pleading getting louder and louder.

Clarke's thumb returned to the girl's clit, stroking roughly over the sensitive bud as her teeth scraped over the nipple in her mouth.

The muscles in Raven's stomach were spasming as well as her thighs. Everything was pulling tight almost enough to cause more pain than pleasure. "You have to stop Clarke. I can't cum anymore."

Clarke's pace slowed, eventually stopping and pulling her fingers out. She quickly brought her hand up to her mouth and slid the wet digits in, moaning at the taste.

"Tastes good doesn't it?" Raven had one eye cracked open and was taking in gulps of air.

Clarke nodded as she released the fingers from her mouth with a pop. She laid herself on her side next to Raven, wrapping an arm around the girl's waist.

Still breathing a little heavy, Raven laced her fingers together with Clarke's where they met at her side above her hip. "So...when's the first time you thought about doing that?" She dropped light kisses everywhere on the girls face and head she could reach. "And if you give me a minute I'll return the favor..."

"Personally, I don't even remember..." Clarke's eyelids were heavy as the amount of energy she had just put in began to catch up with her.

Raven pushed Clarke onto her back. She laid mostly on top of and a little off to the side of her body, head resting on Clarke's shoulder. Raven let her fingertips dance over her collarbone and neck.

"Mm, this is comfy." Clarke draped her arm around Raven's back, her hand resting on her hip.

Her brain kept telling her this wasn't going to fix anything. In fact it was going to end up hurting her more. She knew was probably going to lose Clarke because of this but her heart couldn't think passed this exact minute. "It doesn't hurt…as much. Like this."

"What do you mean?" Clarke had her eyes closed, just relaxing against the bed and the girl.

"Her. Everything." It was only two words but her voice shook over both of them.

"I told you. I'll always be here to help, no matter what. Just think about this right now, not her." Clarke rubbed her back gently, nuzzling into her air.

"At least I know-" She yawned making her words sound muddled. "-I won't have to see her..."

Clarke's eyes flew open. _Shit_. She couldn't tell Raven now...But would she rather find out tomorrow when Lexa arrived?

Raven started to press open mouthed kisses along Clarke's neck up to her earlobe, tugging on it with her teeth. "Tell me what you like." Her fingers drifted down to Clarke's chest, which had _always_ caught Raven's attention. Her thumb and forefinger rolling and pulling the nipple until it was rock hard.

A soft moan escaped from Clarke's lips as her back arched slightly. "Just like that..."

"Just like this?" Sliding down the blonde’s body, Raven took the same hardened peak between her lips, tongue flicking it.

" _Fuck_ yes..." Clarke gripped the sheets, pulling on them.

For the next however long Raven switched her hands between holding herself up and toying with Clarke's chest. She was switching her mouth from one peak to the other to keep up a constant assault.

The steady moans turned into whimpers as one hand threaded itself into Raven's hair, urging her mouth to go lower.

"Not until you ask for it." She said around a mouthful.

"Please Raven..." Clarke tugged a bit harder, hoping to move the girl.

Releasing the nipple with a pop, Raven moved up instead of down. "Please Raven what?"

"God Raven just _fuck_ me already!" Clarke was practically squirming under the girl. She thought that she would go mad if Raven didn't touch her soon.

Raven didn't need to be told twice. She slid down Clarke's body nipping and kissing until she was settled between her legs. The scent alone had her pressing her tongue through the folds and right into her center. Raven wasn't about to waste another second and the taste was enough to have her moaning into the girl.

"God yes, right there... _fuck_ that feels good." Clarke's hold on Raven's hair grew tighter, tugging at it to urge her on. Raven's tongue was an entirely different feeling she didn't want to end.

Raven knew what she was good at. Fixing things...mechanical things. Building shit and blowing shit up. And then there was this. She knew damn well she was good with her mouth and she was going to make this something Clarke would never forget. She started to lick into the girl’s center, dragging her tongue out then pushing back in slowly. She did that a few times then flattened her tongue and licked up through the folds. Over and over she did this but without touching her clit.

Clarke's hips bucked, hoping she would get some attention at her clit. This was too much already for her. The only sounds that could come out of her mouth were moans and whimpers.

Raven continued to lick every inch of the gir’s center and into her core except for her clit. She pushed two fingers in to the knuckles then just held still.

"Raven..." Clarke whined, trying to push her head towards her clit. It _hurt_ , but it felt so _good_ at the same time.

Not wanting to pull her mouth away, Raven just shook her head. It would happen soon enough but right now Raven wanted to let her fingertips find the place inside Clarke that would make her beg. More.

Another whine escaped from her throat. She was tempted to do the job herself if Raven didn't do it soon.

Without warning Raven pushed a third finger into Clarke at the exact second she wrapped her lips around the girl’s clit and sucked hard. She sped up her fingers, pressing the front wall with every pull out.

Clarke thought she would literally fly off the bed the way her orgasm hit her. She hadn't even felt it building up, but all of a sudden it was over her.

Raven didn't let up the way she was sucking and swirling her tongue over Clarke's clit. Her fingers just kept slamming into her. Pressing and searching for every spot that made Clarke cum.

The waves didn't stop as one turned into two. Clarke was seeing stars on the back of her eyelids, which were squeezed shut.

Raven changed the pace of her hand. Slowing but thrusting into Clarke much harder. She wanted her to feel this for days. She also released the stuff bud with a little pop to focus on swirling the tip of her tongue around it.

"Fuck, Raven...just like that..." Clarke was surprised she could even form words at this point.

Raven stilled her hand, only her fingers kept curling inside the girls soaked heat. She pulled her mouth away to look up at Clarke. The way her body was laid out and the rise and fall of her chest…This was what Raven was good at. Sex and giving orgasms. "Look at me, Clarke."

Slowly she opened her eyes, pupils blown, eyes half-lidded. Her chest was heaving, back still slightly arched.

Her fingers just kept curling. Raven let her eyes bore down into Clarke's blues and kept stroking away at her center.

Just that _look_ could've driven her over the edge, but the fingers were what made her cry out, legs trembling as yet another wave crashed into her.

Raven quickly dropped her mouth back down to clean the blonde up after she pulled her hand away. She kissed her way back up Clarke's body until they were face to face.

It took a few minutes for Clarke to get her breathing under control. " _Shit_..."

"You okay?" Raven chuckled and kissed up and across Clarke's jawline.

"Better than okay..."

"We should probably get back-" Her lips slid back over Clarke's. "-to reality."

"Unfortunately." Clarke's hand thread itself back into the brunette strands, pulling Raven in closer for one more kiss.

Raven could have stayed in that kiss all night and probably the next day. Once she got up and got dressed everything was going to be different. Clarke was going to go back to Anya and she was still just a fucking option to Lexa. That made the ache hit her like a gut punch. That made her role off of Clarke to face away from her and curl up into a ball.

"Raven, what's wrong?" Clarke immediately rolled over and pulled the girl against her, Raven's back pressing against her front. She just hugged her arms around the girl, trying to figure out why the mood changed all of a sudden.

Raven was holding back her tears so much that it made her ache even more. She just wanted to cry and scream into her pillow once Clarke left but holding it in was not easy. It just made her start to shake with the effort.

Clarke pulled her in tighter, nuzzling her face into the curve of Raven's neck. "Shh, it's okay. Just breathe."

"You should go."

"Are you sure? I can stay for a bit longer if you need it."

"Yeah. I'm sure." Raven didn't pull away but she also didn't turn back and look at Clarke.

Clarke loosened her hold on Raven, slowly rolling over and standing up. Her legs were still shaking as she managed to pull her clothes back on. Before leaving, she pulled a blanket up over Raven. "If you need me come find me okay?"

Not trusting her voice, Raven just nodded as the tears started to fall. She didn't _want_ Clarke to leave but she needed her to. Their moment was over and that only made her ache more.

Clarke contemplated laying back down, but she just knew. She only helped for a second before the ache came back. She quietly slipped out the door and began the walk back to her own room.


	34. Chapter 34

Anya had found her way to Clarke's room and was slowly peeling away the bandage to look at the stitches.

Clarke pushed through the door just as Anya was peeling away the bandages on her arm. "Heeey…leave that where it's at." She smoothed the wrap back out over the stitched area.

"I was just checking. Where did you run off to with Raven earlier?"

"Oh we went to eat and just spent some time together. Everything that's happening...I guess she just needed- someone." Clarke sat on the edge if her bed contemplating the pros and cons of telling Anya what she probably already knew. "You uh…you know don't you?"

"I know what you mean." Anya sat next to her. "But you're not telling me something."

"When I went to see her after we spoke with Kane…she kissed me. I know her well enough to know that she needed _something_ to take her mind of things." Clarke gave Anya a half mouth forced smile.

"And that's _all_ you did? Cause it doesn't smell like it."

"No. Definitely wasn't _all_."

Anya's jaw tightened, her fist clenching. "Did she need it? _That_ badly?"

"Look-" Clarke stood and began to pace in the small space. "It was actually the first time...well first and second time-but I know how Raven is. She needed to stop thinking. I tried to give her that."

"I'm not mad...I'm disappointed. I know you needed to...does she know Lexa's coming?"

"No. She thinks she won't have to see her again. I didn't know what to say." Clarke sat back down next to the woman. "You're not mad?"

"I understand. That doesn't mean I forgive you.”

"Okay, how do I change that?"

"Figure all this out. I don't want to have to deal with Lexa when she finds out. You didn't leave any marks did you?"

" _No_ I didn't leave any...ooh. One." Clarke stood up again to pace tight circles. She hadn't meant to but she was so swept up in the way..."We have bigger things to worry about."

"You're done for. Once Lexa finds out..."

"I'm done for?" Clarke felt her insides begin to boil. "Because there's anything _else_ she could possibly do to me?”

"I know Lexa better than anyone. First she'll be mad at Raven, then she'll be out for blood. You."

"She's already tried to throw me over the edge of her balcony so I'm not worried…you know what. I'm not doing this. Whatever happens, happens." Clarke stood with her back to Anya, hand on the door handle.

"Clarke...I'm only trying to help both of you. Tomorrow's not going to be pretty, I can tell you that."

"I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of her wrath." Clarke turned just enough so she could look at Anya, hand still on the handle. "I know it wasn't the _best_ thing I could have done but saying no to her in that moment didn't seem like the best thing either."

"I know. Just be ready for it tomorrow. Don't get angry at Lexa either. You know how she is emotionally right now. Tomorrow will not improve that situation."

"You may know her better than anyone else, Anya...But you don't know what it's like to have the Commander treat you like an option..."

Anya looked away for a second. "You know that she would give up everything for her if she could. Raven wouldn't be _an_ option, she would be the _only_ one."

"Tell me you didn't believe Theron's murderer wasn't Skaikru. Be honest." Clarke stepped back to the bed.

"At first I did. I had no idea as to why though. I did not think Emerson would be crazy enough to return. Once you explained your theory it made sense." Anya looked at the blonde. "Why do you ask?"

"I know the damage Pike did. It's always going to be there. But what do you think Lexa would have had to do…if it was? I might sound like I just keep repeating this but I couldn't let her see that. Nobody should have to see the person they love turn their back on you. It really fucking hurts."

Anya just sat there thinking. How should she respond to this? There was no way she could. She knew exactly what Lexa would have done-not because she wanted to, but because she had to.

"I'm sorry if what I did hurts you." Clarke brought up a hand to cup Anya cheek and get her to look back up. "I don't know what this is...what we are- or were…I tried to talk to her first. Whatever Lexa does I'll have to deal with that tomorrow."

Anya brought her hand up to cover Clarke's. "I'm not letting you go." As she finished, a wicked smile spread over her lips. "Tell me. I once read in a book left over from the old days that those who cheated were to...'sleep on the couch.' Is that true?"

"I know of no such thing." She grinned down at the woman.

"Well that's too bad, because that's where you'll be spending the night." She nodded to the couch along the wall.

"You realize this _is_ my room, right?"

"So? I am here in Arkadia as a guest of yours. That means you provide accommodations, and I know you won't kick me out of this room. Two can play at this game _Ambassador_.”

"Well _Adviser_ , I can always go sleep somewhere else." Clarke let a hint of a smirk play on her lips.

"And where else would you sleep? A friend's room? You know full well you don't want to leave me alone for too long. I could always run off...maybe go pick up someone else..."

"What? No not a friend's room." Clarke shoved down any thoughts of going back to Raven's room. It wasn't like they hadn't slept side-by-side many times before but that was probably not going to happen again. "The couch sounds great."

Anya only smiled. "Good. I hope it's comfortable. Maybe if you're good and stay on the couch all night I'll reward you in the morning."

"Reward? Let's talk more about that?"

"Not now. That's a conversation for the morning. Just know that you'll be severely disappointed if you don't behave tonight."

"Right okay. Have you eaten? I'm kinda hungry."

Anya raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you ate already." Smiling, she had already stood up and pulled her shirt back down over her head, holding out her hand.

Clarke barked out a laugh until she realized they weren't on the same page with that. "Right. Sidetracked and all."

"I know. Now I am quite famished, so let's go."

Clarke sat across from Anya, with a tray of more food than she would usually eat. Looking between their trays, Clarke just shrugged and began to eat.

Anya could only smirk as she compared the amounts. Clarke needed to replenish her energy from the earlier _activities_ she and Raven had participated in.

"Can't get this in Polis. And I'm really hungry okay?" Clarke didn't know why she felt a little defensive until a minute later and she realized exactly why.

"I didn't say anything, but alright." Anya cut into her own food, chewing on one piece while watching Clarke.

"Are you going to go back tomorrow or when...she leaves?" Clarke spoke around a half full mouth.

"I'm not sure yet. I think it will depend on the situation and circumstances. I'll have to go back eventually, and so will you."

"I know. Ambassador duties. I just hadn't spent much time here the last few months. You know, we talked about it."

"Yes, we did. I would expect that the Commander would want me back in Polis as soon as this whole situation is settled though."

"You know she might not want _me_ back in Polis. For a little while anyway."

"We can cross that bridge when we get to it. _Lexa_ probably won't want you there, but the Commander will."

"I don't know. Octavia spends a lot of time there now too. She could probably take over and she does know all the scouts and chiefs that I work alongside. I think I should just be prepared for something like that to happen."

"Octavia? As an Ambassador?" Anya had to stop herself from laughing. "Yes, she can do those jobs, but not the diplomacy."

"She is rough around the edges but no more than most of the others."

"Even if she is mad at you, I don't think Lexa would want anyone else as the Skaikru Ambassador."

Clarke was still picking at the last bits on her tray debating bringing up her want to stay for Raven too. It just felt too soon?-or she didn't even know what. "We'll see."

"I know there are plenty of reasons to stay, but eventually you will have to return." Anya finished what was left on her plate before wiping her mouth.

Clarke looked around the cafeteria at the small group off to the side then let her eyes fall back to Anya. It might have been one of the first times she felt at a loss for something to say.

Anya reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. She hates seeing Clarke like this...conflicted.

"How is your arm feeling?" Clarke laced their fingers together, her eyes going back to roaming around the room.

"It is okay. I'll live." Anya chuckled, holding their hands there.

Clarke nodded, only half listening. Her mind kept wandering back to Raven. Not so much what happened between them…"Good. It'll probably be a little sorer tomorrow."

"I expect that..." Anya watched the girl.

Rubbing a hand down over her face, Clarke tried to clear her mind and focus back on what was in front of her. It was proving to be a little harder than she thought it'd be.

"Clarke? Something wrong...?" Anya's free hand reached across the table to cup the blonde's face.

Clarke let out a long breath, still a little unsure of how to _really_ answer that question. "Yeah...no. It's just been a really long day…"

"It has. Shall we head back to your room?"

Clarke gathered the trays and trash and cleaned up there mess. "Okay. Let's go."

Anya stood, walking around the table and taking Clarke's hand again before walking back.

Clarke went right to the small couch and sat down after they were back in her room. She knew there would be some fallout so it was just easier to accept whatever it was Anya wanted. For one night anyway. There was no way she was doing this longer than that.

"Clarke, what's wrong?" Anya sat down next to her, a hand on her knee.

"I told you. It’s been a long day…And who knows what'll happen tomorrow." Clarke let her head fall back to rest on the wall. "And I really should have told her…About Lexa coming."

"It's okay. We'll deal with that tomorrow. Come, I'll forgive your punishment this once." Anya stood, offering a hand to Clarke.

"What would everyone say if they knew you to be so lenient?" Clarke hadn't meant to let the tiny bubble of laughter out but it happened.

"Well, they would only know if you told them, which you wouldn't because if you do, my right hand will suddenly disappear."

Clarke took the offered hand letting herself be pulled to her feet.

"Now, let's actually go to sleep, alright? Your mother will yell at me if I don't rest."

"Oh my mother…right. I had promised to go back and see her earlier."

"Then go check in on her now. I'll be here waiting for you."

Clarke knew where she would end up if she left her room. Even if she did go spend a little time with Abby. There was this need to go check on Raven but she _knew_ at this point she shouldn't. Not tonight. Not after what had happened. "I'll do it tomorrow. There will be some time before Lexa arrives."

"Alright..." Anya nodded towards the bed, walking over and crawling under the covers, laying on her right side.

After toeing off her boots and removing various belts and weapon holsters, Clarke laid herself down on her back next to the woman. She couldn't deny it felt good being next to her but she also couldn't stop her mind from wandering.

Anya's arm fell across Clarke's waist, holding her close. "You seem like you're thinking a lot there..."

"Mhmm." She shifted so the entire length of their bodies were touching. There wasn't much more she could say. And honestly she didn't know _what_ more to say. Clarke was happy being like this with Anya but her mind wasn't going to relax. It was just a fact.

"Can I help you relax any?" She only wanted to help to Clarke however she needed it at this point.

"Just do this."

Anya nodded, pulling the girl in closer to her. She nuzzled her face against the blonde hair splayed out on the pillow next to her.

Clarke let out a contented sigh; the feelings and stress and other parts of the day started to fade away as she started to drift off.

Anya smiled, watching Clarke's eyes drift closed. She was glad the girl finally relaxed.

Clarke's body finally relaxed as she fell asleep. The hand she had been trailing up and down Anya's back falling to the bed with a soft thud.

Anya could feel her own eyes drifting shut. She loosened her grip around Clarke's waist and closed her eyes, whispering into her ear before falling asleep.

" _Ai hod yu in_."


	35. Chapter 35

As the sun began to reach its highest point in the sky, Anya found her way to where Clarke and Kane were conversing. "The Commander should be arriving soon as long as everything went according to plan."

Clarke stood with Kane going over a few of the details she hadn't been there to discuss the day before. She felt eyes on her, turning to find Anya walking over to the pair.

"I do want to make sure you are both clear on something." Kane nodded as Anya approached.

"Of course Chancellor, what is it?" Anya nodded to Clarke before returning her attention to Kane.

"I will not tolerate any form of torture in my camp. I understand how you want this to end, Clarke. And I support that, but we're not savages. Understood?" Kane looked between them.

"Of course Chancellor. The Commander will probably want the prisoner transported to Polis for an official trial." Anya glanced over at Clarke, watching her carefully.

Clarke's eyes were ablaze after hearing what Anya had to say. There was no way Emerson was leaving the camp alive. "Of course Kane. If you don't mind can I have a word with Anya?" Clarke rounded on Anya the second Kane excuse himself and walked away. "He's not leaving here alive."

"Clarke, you know Lexa will abide by Kane's request. Most likely she will let you deal with him the minute Arkadia is out of sight." Anya placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder, watching her.

"I don't need to torture him to kill him. He is _not_ leaving here alive." Clarke set her jaw, her blue eyes growing colder by the second.

"We can talk about this later." Anya turned upon hearing the sound of galloping horse approach the gate.

As the gates swung open, Lexa and five warriors rode in. She quickly dismounted, clutching her stomach. She looked around, spotting Anya and Clarke. "Where's Kane?"

Clarke saw the blood seep through Lexa's fingers as she clutched at her side and it brought her back to that day months prior. She stood frozen long enough to see Anya move in front her to check Lexa's injuries.

"Heda you're bleeding. What happened? Who did this?" Anya was in Lexa's space checking her over. Trying to find her wounds and how bad they were.

"I'm fine. Where's Kane? I need to make sure there aren't any Skaikru outside the walls." Lexa quickly doubled over, breathing in deeply before standing straight again. Her hand pressed harder into her side, hoping to quell the pain and the blood quickly.

Clarke snapped out of her memory and sprang into action. "Okay Anya let the guards know to be on the lookout. Our walls and as far as they can see. I'll find Kane and-"

"I'll take care of that. You get the Commander into medical. Or a private room. Her injuries cannot be made aware to anyone. Do you understand that?" Anya left no room for argument.

"We can deal with these later. I must speak to Kane now. I lost one man, more are injured. Some warriors ambushed-" Lexa pushed past the two, but didn't get any more than two steps away before doubling over.

The look Clarke had given Anya was enough for her to understand. "Anya can find him and relay that but I need you to let me take you to medical. We _need_ you alive."

"I'm fine..." Lexa stood back and took another shaky step. She knew she had to get her wounds looked at, but more importantly she had to make sure her people were safe.

"The men who need attention will get it and the others can fill Kane in as well." Clarke pressed her hand over Lexa's as it clutched her side. "You have to let me check this and the cut on your neck. Where is your shoulder guard?"

"On my horse. It was easier to fight without it. I managed to pick it up after the assailants retreated back into the woods."

"I'm not taking no for an answer." Clarke wrapped an arm around Lexa's back and pulled. "From the amount of blood…"

"Alright. Anya send Kane to me once you find him." Lexa threw her free arm around Clarke's neck, accepting the help.

Clarke pushed the door open to one of the smaller private rooms and helped Lexa to sit on the table. "I'm going to remove the belt and then lift your shirt so I can see what we're working with here. Okay?"

"Alright, do what you have to." Lexa pulled her hand away from the wound with a small groan, looking at the black blood that covered her hand.

Clarke felt her stomach turn as the memory hit her all over again. And guilt over what she had done with Raven was a close second in making her sick. She wasn't sorry for what she had done, chances were that she do just about anything for Raven. She was sorry that it could potentially come back to hurt her. Shaking herself yet again from her thoughts, Clarke had the belt pulled away and the shirt up far enough to give herself room to exam the wound. "Who did this, Commander?"

Lexa gritted her teeth, but only a tiny bit due to the pain. She had seen the face of her attacker, one she thought she wouldn't have seen ever again. "Echo."

"Echo...again. And Emerson." Clarke continued to wash away the blood and dirt until the area was cleaned. The scar from the gunshot sat just a few inches away. "This needs a few stitches and the one on your neck doesn't look bad. Lay down on your side."

Slowly, she leaned back onto the bed, peering down at the wound. "I have a feeling they're connected somehow. We'll need to force information out of Emerson."

Clarke let her fingers linger over the scar again. "I thought I had lost you that day." She cleaned the area again and went to stitching the wound as easily as she could. She knew Lexa would just grit her teeth and bare it but Clarke was going to try and be as gentle as possible.

"But I'm alive thanks to you." Lexa kept her breathing as steady as possible, focusing on Clarke's face to try and ignore the pain.

Tying of the last stitch, Clarke cleaned the wound once more before securing a bandage over it. "How did she get this close to you?" Clarke leaned in close as she washed of the blood and a small part of her war paint.

"I don't know. I might have looked away for a second when I thought she stopped..." Lexa looked up at Clarke, bringing her clean hand up to cup her cheek. "I'm okay though. Don't worry."

"This one only needs to be cleaned and bandaged." A few minutes later Clarke had everything cleaned and wrapped. She let out a long sigh and went about cleaning up the tools she had used and washing herself off. "You know not to overexert yourself. Try not to rip your stitches."

Lexa nodded and sat up slowly, pulling her shirt back down. "Where's Raven?"

"Uhm I think she was testing out something on the rover. Kane might know." Clarke had the door open and was just stepping through it.

"Out? You mean outside the walls?" Lexa jumped up quickly, following Clarke out.

"Yes. _In_ the rover. It's mostly open fields."

"Is there any way to get in contact with her? She shouldn't be out there right now."

"Yeah, of course. I'll go do that. Go back out the doors you came in. I'm sure Anya and Kane will be somewhere around there and I'll be out right after-" Clarke turned to head back to the open medical bay where her mother was leaning over one of the warriors.

Lexa headed through the doors and back outside. Stopping quickly at her horse to grab her shoulder piece and secure it in place, she walked over to where Kane and Anya were currently conversing.

"Commander." Kane held his arm out for the traditional handshake. "I've spoken with your Adviser here and your men. Whatever you may need while here in my camp, just ask. Emerson is ready for your interrogation but I had explained to both Clarke and Anya here, there will be no torture here inside my walls."

"Of course Chancellor. We may need to take him outside the city if he doesn't talk soon." Taking his arm, Lexa nodded at Anya. "Any updates on the rest of the warriors?"

"I have some things to go over with Clarke. I'll check with Abby as well." Anya gave a quick nod to the pair before walking away.

Lexa nodded and turned her attention back towards Kane.

Raven had pulled the rover back into the garage a minute or so Lexa had emerged from the medical bay. She gathered the paperwork and monitors then slid to her feet, nudging the door shut with her elbow. She had her head down as she walked outside and was checking over the list Kane had left for her, making sure she had everything filled out properly.

"I've spoken with the captain of my guard. While you are here with us in camp the guards will all be on double duty. I can assume you'll be spending your time here _inside_ my gates? And not in your tents?" Kane looked over Lexa's shoulder seeing Raven approaching, having just returned from the maintenance run he had asked for on the rover.

"That would be the safest option, as long as you allow us to stay. It would be for a couple days at most." Lexa saw Kane look behind her. She quickly glanced over her shoulder, seeing a figure approaching them.

Raven still had her head down, filling out one last thing then tapped the same information into the mobile monitor. She felt the presence of a second person but hadn't looked up until she was ready to hand over the papers. "The test solar panel went better than expe-expected…" She stumbled over her words when she had finally looked up Lexa standing there with Kane. "Close to…uhm double the time..."

Lexa looked at the girl, a momentary flash in her eyes the only emotion that showed through. "Raven." She nodded to the girl, turning her attention back to Kane.

Seeing Lexa standing there had Raven's head spinning and her heart pounding. Just because she was hurt didn't mean she _stopped_ loving her and needing her. But the way she said her name...it was all wrong. It was the divide between the Commander and Lexa and how it made her believe she could never have all of her.

Kane took the small pile of papers from Raven, glancing over it quickly. "This is going to help us so much. Thank you, Raven. And if you can...the evac in the tech labs needs to be looked at."

Lexa watched Kane as he examined the paperwork. She couldn't bring herself to glance at Raven for fear that the emotions would come pouring out of her.

"You're bleeding..." Raven's hand raised slightly before she caught herself, jerking her hand back. She had wanted to scream. She wanted to scream and shout and shove Lexa back and make her feel the same ache she felt. But she didn't. She just nodded to Kane, turned on her heel and walk/limped away.

Looking at the ground, Lexa closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Once calm, she looked back up at Kane. "Is there anything else urgent right now? I should go and rest so that my injuries heal. I would ask that we deal with the prisoner tomorrow?"

Kane felt a small amount of relief that the Commander was willing to give everything a day to settle. He hadn't expected them to hold up the agreement of no torture but this might prove him wrong. "No, no. I think we covered what was needed for now. I'm sure if anything comes up I'll find you or one of your men."

"If it's anything urgent talk to Anya. She can come find me." Lexa nodded before walking off in the direction of the medical bay.

Raven walked back through the wide open garage doors until she was standing in front of her bench. Her legs were shaking and her heart was pounding and she just wanted to go curl up in a ball and cry. Or find Clarke and have her "help" again.

Anya was just walking back into the room from the inner hall when she spotted Lexa. She went right to her and led her to the same private room Clarke had stitched her up in. "Did something happen? Did you go see Emerson?"

"No, not yet. I told Kane we'll deal with him tomorrow. I already know he won't talk so we will have to take him outside the walls to truly get any information. How are the rest of the men?"

"Right now they all look okay. Abby did some really good work getting them stitched and cleaned and patched up. I'd like to have her work with some of our healers soon."

"That would be ideal." Lexa stood for a moment, gazing down the hallway.

Anya just stood back watching Lexa. She knew too much but the fact that she didn't say anything was worrisome. This was not their way, not how they did things. Duty had to come first.

"I have already told Kane to find you if there are any urgent updates. You know where to find me if need be." Lexa turned, staying in place for a moment before beginning to walk back down the corridor.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning: this chapter is very emotionally heavy. You have been warned

Lexa left the medical bay and headed straight for where she knew Kane would be housing them. They had been housed in these quarters once before and Kane had told her that they were used for guests. She quickly removed her armor and went into the bathroom to wash the blood and paint from her body.

Before leaving the room, she changed her shirt, throwing on one that was in the room. She threw on her cloak and pulled up the hood so as to pass through the halls relatively anonymously. She slipped out the door and headed down the hall towards the garage.

Walking inside and glancing around, she saw no one else there but the brunette she went to see. Silently, she walked up behind the girl and wrapped her arms around her waist, burying her face into the curve of Raven's neck and breathing in the scent that was so uniquely _Raven_. One she had missed over the past two days.

Raven had the guts of the security system monitor for the guns and ammo cage spread out over her bench. It had been glitching enough that it needed fixing before she tackled any other projects. It was on such a rush she hadn't even been able to go find Clarke and she really wasn't even sure if that wasn't a good thing. What they did should stay a one-time thing but she wanted that feeling of not having to think. Not having to _deal_ with _her_.

When she felt the arms wrap around her body she immediately thought it was Clarke, settling back against her. But the body pressed against her back was all wrong and the smell wasn't right. After a few beats she pulled away and spun to face Lexa. Her eyes were blazing and her hands shot out in front of her to ward off and advance Lexa might make. "What do you think you're doing? You can't just walk in here and do that."

"Raven, _ai hodnes_ , what's wrong?" Lexa looked at her concerned. Why was she so defensive? Her eyes scanned her face then fell to her neck, seeing a mark there she thought was hers at first. But then she noticed how dark it was. How _recent_ it was.

"What's wrong?!" Raven took a step back, knocking into the stool making it tip over. She stepped around that using it as a buffer between them. Being face to face with Lexa had her mind in an uproar and she could barely process one thought at a time. She wanted to throw her arms around the Commander and never let go but then she remembered the fact that she was disposable and the way Lexa had looked at her earlier. "I thought I was helping, leaving so you didn't have to worry about picking me…I thought I was actually a fucking _choice_ …like an idiot I believed that!"

"What...what do you mean? A _choice_? You are not just a _choice_ Raven. I unfortunately cannot rid myself of my duty, and I cannot let emotions interfere with it either. I had _choices_ to make, but you were not one of them. You were a constant that I thought I could count on. Apparently you didn't feel the same though." Lexa motioned to the mark on Raven's neck, the concerned look on her face quickly changing to a hardened one.

Raven looked back at Lexa, as if to question what she was referring to. Then her brain caught up to the interference comment and she thought being stabbing right then and there would have felt better. "Emotions interfere…? If being with me- loving me was going to cause such a problem then you shouldn't have fucking did it and then let me fall for you! I'm not a toy you get to take off the shelf when you have a spare moment..." Raven voice had begun to shake as well her body from trying to hold back her tears.

"You were never a problem, but I thought you understood. There are parts of me I cannot change, and I thought you accepted that. You know that I have to push everything aside for my duty. That doesn't mean I'm completely pushing you aside. I thought you'd understand...Apparently not. Apparently you moved on just fine. Why Raven? I thought we talked about this. How we were both afraid of what would happen after you came back here. I thought you said we'd work through this _together_. I guess not. I was afraid, but I trusted you. Guess that was my mistake..."

" _Fuck_..." She hadn't meant to say it out loud. The memory of Clarke and what they did and what she now understood was a mark on her neck that Lexa kept glaring at. But then there were the things Lexa just said and the way she had panicked and let her fears ruin everything. Instead of softening her it just made Raven angrier. " _Both_ of our mistakes. It's not like this is the first time _your duty_ has nearly destroyed me." Raven had been taking small steps back until she found her backside colliding with another stool.

"No it's not, I'll admit that. I've made decisions in the past that have had some awful results. But I've learned and changed along the way. Unlike you. For a second I thought that maybe, because of the _moments_ we've shared, you had finally changed. I was wrong. You're still going around fucking _whoever_ just to feel something! Who was it this time? You know what, it doesn't even matter." Lexa found herself following Raven, every step she took backwards was a step forwards for her.

The words were hitting her like bricks. She wanted to scream at Lexa to take it back, to shut up and to leave so she could just break all alone. Every word felt like another hole in her heart and Raven needed Lexa to stop moving closer. "I wanted to _stop_ feeling! I wanted to make it all go away, go back to the way it was _before you_ and these fucked up feeling I can't stop!" Raven had been swiping away angrily at the tears that started to fall, her voice shook and dropped as she went on. "I want the hole that is _you_ to go away!"

"Hole? So that's all I am? An empty void in your chest that just messes with your emotions? I thought we had so much more than that...apparently not. You know, I was planning on asking you to consider moving to Polis, so that we could be together. I guess none of that matters now. Here, let me take away that hole in your chest. Fill it up with someone else. Goodbye Raven." Lexa turned and walked back out the way she came in. She managed to make it to the hallway before leaning her back against the wall, sliding down it and crumpling up into a ball as the tears began to flow.

Raven stood there for what felt like an hour but was only a few minutes. Every word Lexa had just replayed over and over in her mind but none as loud as Lexa having wanted her to _move_ permanently to Polis. It had been the thing she wanted. To actually be there, just there. Not just brought in to do some work or visit. She finally had that and then...she didn't. And then she heard her saying goodbye. After a few minutes her mind started to wander to Clarke. Not only because of the mark but…Clarke had to have known Lexa was coming. She needed to know. She took off as fast as she could in the direction of the medical bay where she assumed Clarke would be.

After patching up the last of Lexa's warriors, Clarke washed her hands and gathered up all of the tools. Her mother had asked her to clean up once finished as she had to go off and update Kane on the warriors, leaving her alone in the bay.

Raven walked into the room after seeing Clarke finishing her clean up. She closed the door then locked it. She made no move to go closer to the blonde, just watched her until she could find her voice. "You didn't know, right? Please tell me you didn't know, Clarke."

Clarke looked up upon hearing the voice. "Raven...what didn't I know?" She dried her hands off and walked over to the girl, waiting for a response.

"Lexa." was all she could say.

Clarke could feel her face fall as the word slipped from Raven's mouth. "I-" she stopped and took a deep breath. She wasn't going to lie to Raven, it would only hurt her more. "I did. I was going to tell you, but you were so hurt. I thought that maybe it would save you some pain."

Raven grabbed up Clarke's hand and roughly ran it over her marred and marked neck then dropped her hand just as quickly. "Why? You knew she was coming here and…I'm supposed to be able to trust you..."

"I'm sorry..." Clarke managed to whisper the words. She had feared they wouldn't even come out at this point. It wasn't her intention to leave marks at the time, but it felt _right_. She couldn't deny it...

"I didn't tell her it was you." Raven leaned against the door, head tilted back leaving the marks to shine in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the small room.

"She'll know...she'll still know...how did she take it?"

"Basically that this is what I do…I fuck people so I can feel. And then she said goodbye and walked away." Raven took in a long steady breath.

"What? Where is she now? Do you know?" Clarke stepped forward, considering touching Raven in some comforting way but decided against it.

Raven pushed off the door, moving forward so she was almost leaning against Clarke. "I don't want you to fix this. If it even _can_ be fixed I have to be the one to do that." She pressed a gentle kiss to Clarke's lips then pulled back so she could look into her eyes. "I don't regret it. I could never regret that."

"Neither do I." Clarke brought a hand up to cup Raven's cheek, holding her there for just a moment longer. "You need to try and fix this somehow. You know how much she loves you. This whole mess has probably broken her..."

"Does Anya know?" Raven had to force herself to step back. A small piece of her wanted to stay in that room and do what she knew they both wanted but she also knew she loved Lexa. She was /in/ love with Lexa and Clarke was right. She needed to do whatever it took to fix that.

"Yes. She found out last night. She's not as upset as Lexa probably is, but still..."

Raven nodded, opened the door and went to walk out. Stopping just before she crosses the threshold, she looked back over her shoulder. "It would have been you…I just couldn't wait any longer for you to see it."

"Raven, does this...change anything? Between us?" Clarke stood and watched the girl at the door.

"No, it doesn't change us. Or at least I don't want it to." Raven turned her head forward and walked back down the hall.

Clarke stood there, her fists clenched and head down. She had known. She was afraid that Raven wouldn't feel the same way. Didn't matter now.

Raven forced herself to just keep walking. Keep putting distance between herself and Clarke. After searching the halls and corridors looking for Lexa and coming up empty, Raven found thought it'd just be best to head back to the garage. There was still so many things on her maintenance list and maybe work would help clear her mind.

As she approached the bench, she looked over all the parts scattered around. Her radio sat in the corner, untouched since Clarke used it yesterday. She almost didn't notice, but when she went to go back to work, she had to glance back up.

The radio sat in its corner, but with its matching one placed next to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have already been called a monster for that last line...go ahead and call me out in the comments if you wish. I'm going to keep a tally going -ADCT


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these two scenes (Lexa and Anya VS Clarke and Raven) are happening simultaneously. Just a little FYI

Anya was sat in one of the rooms Kane had set aside for the small group of grounders to use as their war room or whatever it was they needed it for. She had been talking with Kress and two of the Skaikru guards about the security of Arkadia beyond its walls when she saw Lexa walk in. She knew in an instant that something was wrong. "Heda?" She made to stand.

"Leave us." She motioned to Kress and the security guards as they bowed their heads and left the room, closing the door behind them. Even the war paint she had reapplied could not hide Lexa's red eyes.

Anya took a few steps putting herself closer to the Commander. "What is it?" She noticed the red rimming around her eyes, letting out a small sigh.

"Titus was right all along. Love _is_ weakness." Lexa stepped around Anya and walked over to the table, standing at the edge of it with her arms folded behind her back. "Every time I love someone they get hurt. Emotions get in the way."

"So she told you." It was said as a statement. Anya only turned to look at Lexa, choosing to stay where she stood. She wanted to give her as much space as she might need. "I'm not happy about it either."

"We even talked about it. I thought she had really changed this time...guess I was wrong." Lexa glance over at her, then turned her attention back to the table.

"I still find it hard to believe it was their first time." The adviser did move back to the table, sitting where she could still be facing Lexa. "But right now we have to figure out what is going on outside of here."

"Apparently Echo and Emerson teamed up in their banishment. I want Emerson ready to be transported out of the city in an hour. Get Clarke too. We will take him out into the woods to interrogate him and then kill him. As long as the men are healthy enough I would like to return to Polis tomorrow morning."

Anya was on her feet again, moving around the table closer to Lexa. "Are you sure? I know Clarke doesn't want him leaving Arkadia alive but I really do believe we could take him back to the Capitol. You know we have _ways_ of making him talk there."

"I have plenty of ways to make him talk. He and Echo have caused two deaths so far, as well as attacking us. We are not letting him back into Polis."

"I agree, Heda. He does not need to be brought back to our city. Kane is also aware that Emerson will be put to death and I do feel the Skaikru are very deserving of being a part of our ritual. Some of them still suffer the effects of the maunon.”

"All the more reason to settle this issue here." Lexa turned to leave, but stopped for a second. "Anya, you mentioned something before...'their first time.' What did you mean by that?"

Anya had turned and made to follow Lexa out. "The way they are together. I think you could have easily mistaken them for lovers before this." Anya let the words fall from her lips without realizing Lexa _didn't_ know about Clarke.

Lexa turned to face the warrior. "You mean...Clarke..." She didn't stay long enough for Anya to explain. She was out the door and already marching down the hall.

~~~

Raven had the last of the wires placed back into the security control panel. Her eyes kept drifting up to the pair of radios and she would clench her jaw again and mutter under her breath. If she had to guess, she would say Lexa had done it to be hurtful and that was only making her more agitated, which made her mutter even more as she put the last screw into the box to seal it up.

Clarke made her way down the hall towards the garage, knowing there would only be one person in there. She kept telling herself to turn around and leave, but her legs carried her all the way to the workbench.

Raven had been half sitting on the stool and half leaning over the workbench as she filled out the paperwork for the security system panel she had just worked on. Raven felt more than saw or heard Clarke standing just off to the side. She turned her body just enough so they were facing each other but she was still leaning against the table. Her eyes swept from Clarke's blues and down to her lips more times than she could even admit to herself. "Clarke...?"

"Hey I just-" Clarke's eye swept over the workbench, noticing the pieces scattered about, until her eyes settled on the radios in the corner. She recognized one as the one Raven had asked her to give to Lexa, but then she really saw it. How it had a piece similar to the helm on it.

Her eyes followed Clarke's to the set of radios. Raven felt like she was being mocked every time her eyes landed on it and this time was no different. "Mm, parting gift from the Commander." Raven reached out and snatched it up. She turned it over in her hands a few times then heaved it as hard as she could. The sound of it hitting the far wall gave her much less relief than she had thought it would.

"Don't think about her. Even you said it, it hurt having that hole in your chest. It's gone now, okay?" Clarke gently cupped Raven's head in her hands, turning her attention back towards the two of them.

Raven felt a small amount of peace inside her chest at the touch of Clarke's hands. After a beat she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth chewing at it while her eyes searched the set of blues. "Are you here to…?"

"Am I here to what? I came to see you." Clarke watched the girl carefully. Somewhere inside her she hoped she wasn't too late. Everything that they felt together the other night meant something...

" _Just_ to see me or..?" Raven brought her hands down to the curve just above Clarke's hips and pulled her closer.

"Well, when you put it like that..." Clarke stepped as close as she could to Raven, turning her so her back was against the work bench.

Raven pressed a tentative kiss to the blonde’s lips. They felt exactly the way she had remembered. A little dry and cracked but pliant. She had wanted this so badly for so long. And now there they were and she still _wanted_ this but it didn't erase Lexa. It didn't diminish the hole she felt inside at the loss of Lexa.

A little piece of her mind was begging her to stop, knowing how much Raven loved Lexa, but this felt so right. As if they should had been doing this all along. The feel of Raven's body pressed against hers, the way their mouths pressed against each other...Clarke knew she didn't want to stop this. But she should have.

Raven was well aware that they were mostly out in the open, the only privacy coming from a stack of bins that came about waist high but she didn't care. The rational part of her mind had shut off leaving her acting on mostly just lust. Her hands had Clarke's pants undone and zipper down in a flash. One hand trailed down the front, stilling at the top of the hairline. The other hand moved up to cup the back of the girls head as she deepened the kiss.

Clarke didn't want to end this, but somehow she found the strength to push herself away from Raven, holding her shoulders at an arm's length away and staring into the brown eyes in front of her. "As much as I'd love to do this every day...we can't."

Raven let her hands fall to her side. Her chest was rising and falling while she tried to catch her breath. "Why- Anya? I didn't think about…" Raven's eyes fluttered shut as she tilted her head down.

"It's not about her. It's about you." Clarke stepped forward again, cupping Raven's cheek and tilting her head up. "You know no matter how many times we do this it won't help the pain."

"The pain?" Her head shot back up, brown eyes blazing. "Don't!"

"I only want what's best for you Raven. Tell me right now, straight to my face, that you don't still feel that pain. That it won't come back tenfold after every time we have sex. That you know that _she_ is the only person that can end that pain."

Every word that came from Clarke made her chest ache and her heart squeeze. She needed it to just _stop_. "What's best for me?! Are you telling me that _now_ you don't want this?" She grabbed one of Clarke's hands and shoved it between her legs, making her hand cup her sex then shoved it away. "And _SHE_ is the fucking reason I'm _in_ pain!"

"You think I don't want this? God, this is _everything_ I fucking want! But I can't have it anymore. My window of opportunity already slipped by because I know you well enough. You love Lexa more than anything and _that's_ why she's causing you so much pain. Because you can't let her go!"

"I'm standing right here Clarke, throwing myself at you. _You_ Clarke. I don't want to talk about her. I don't want to even think about her. She's gone."

"And I want you more than anything. But I know you won't be completely happy in the end."

Raven leaned forward until her forehead was resting in the space between Clarke's shoulder and neck. It wasn't sexual in any way. It was the acceptance that no matter what she did the pain was still there. It was knowing she could be mostly happy with Clarke and it was the acknowledgment that being away from Lexa was destroying her from the inside out.

Clarke stepped forward and pulled the girl into a bruising hug. She needed to hold her close, give her that last bit of feeling. As long as Raven was happy, Clarke knew she herself would be happy.

"I went to look for her, after we talked earlier. When I didn't find her I came back here. She knew what leaving that radio there would mean…she's done and I don't think I can change that." Raven's would came out shaky and muffled from the way she was pressed against Clarke's neck.

"But I think you can. You need to understand the...complications of being with her. There are times where she is allowed to be just Lexa, but times where she is forced to be Heda. As long as you understand that the rest should come easy." Clarke just stood there, holding Raven against her. She rubbed small circles along her back, trying to relax her.

"In all of that... I still don't come first. I don't think I can be okay with that. How were you so okay with that?" Raven felt herself calming a little more than she had been. Her breathing had evened out and the tears that were threatening to spill just moments earlier were held at bay.

"Because I knew, even though I may not have been first, she would always come back to me in the end. The same with you. She may go off on duty, but she will still end up by your side."

"You didn't see the look on her face. When I first saw her while she was with Kane. It was cold and empty. I'm just supposed to be okay with that? Accept being made to feel like I'm nothing sometimes? How is _any_ of that okay?"

"It's hard, but you have to look past the mask. Somewhere inside of her you know she just wanted to push Kane aside and wrap her arms around you and never let go. But she couldn't. It's the unfortunate side of this."

Raven pushed herself free of Clarke's hold. She didn't particularly want to but she understood what Clarke had said without actually saying it. She could easily be with Clarke but it was true. There would always be that missing piece or ache or hole that only Lexa seemed to fill. "It's easy being with you, ya know? Maybe that's the fucked up part."

"Sometimes easy is not the way to go." Clarke only shrugged and finally readjusted her pants, zipping them up again.

Raven turned away from Clarke, facing the bench again. She hated how much of what Clarke said was true. And it wasn't that she had been only using her, there were real feelings underneath everything but not the way she felt about Lexa. "Do I tell her…About this...? Will Anya?"

"I...She probably already knows. Which means she'll be gunning for me not you. Don't worry about it." Clarke stepped forward, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Raven picked up the security system and everything that went along with it. "You should have told me, Clarke. It sucks- _this_ sucks, loving both of you. More so knowing that I might not end up with either of you." Raven pressed a soft kiss to Clarke's cheek. She held there just letting everything that was Clarke wash over her, from the way she smelled to the little puffs of air that she felt on her own face. When the moment was over Raven made sure she had everything she needed in her hands and started to walk to the far end of the garage, the door there leading to the weapons cage.

"Raven, wait." Clarke turned, looking at the girl.

She stop and turned her head slightly, just enough so Clarke knew she had her attention but not enough to actually see her face.

"If we had the chance to do this all over...I'd still pick you first."

"I really do wish that was true." Raven continued the last few steps out of the garage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so this time you can direct your anger from the end of this chapter to FindingSide because it was not me this time -ADCT


	38. Chapter 38

Lexa made her way down the halls heading towards what she thought was the medical bay. She didn't know really, all of the halls looked the same. As she walked into the garage she silently cursed to herself, making a mental note to fully learn her way around eventually. She stopped for a second, not knowing whether she should enter or turn and leave. Beside her, on the ground, lay the remains of what was once her radio. The cog from the front was still intact. She sighed and looked over to the work bench, but saw blonde instead of brown hair. The anger inside of her bubbled up again as she marched over to the bench. "Clarke!" The last 'k' sound clicked in her mouth, not as it usually did but with more anger behind it.

Clarke took in a long breath when she heard the very distinctive way Lexa said her name. She had hoped for a second that tone was more about the Emerson and Echo situation but once she turned and saw the way Lexa was looking at her told her otherwise. "Lexa." She said as she stood just a little bit straighter and waited for Lexa to come closer.

"Why? Why did you do it? You _knew_ -" Lexa was standing close enough to Clarke that she probably could have lashed out, but she didn't. Not yet.

"Knew what exactly?" Clarke tilted her back just enough so she was looking over Lexa's head, more in direction of where Raven had just walked off. She took another deep breath then turned her eyes back to Lexa.

"Why did you do it?" Lexa's teeth were bared, standing right in front of Clarke so she was hovering over her slightly.

"I just-" She thought about all of the possible reasons she could have told her…But she knew it wouldn't help Raven if she wasn't honest. "If it wasn't me…it really might have been someone else..."

Lexa sighed and looked at her. She knew it was the truth, but she was angry still too. "You didn't have to mark her."

Clarke's brows creased, not expecting the words that came from the brunette. She wouldn't complain about it though, maybe it would spare them both the argument she had been sure was going to happen. "May-maybe not..." She shut her eyes for a moment to push away the moment of it all.

"Then _why_? You _knew_ how much we were struggling because of this whole mess. This only complicates things!" Lexa had been slowly backing Clarke up into a wall until she was once again standing right in front of her.

"Does it really matter _why_?" Fell from her mouth a little harsher than needed. Clarke put a hand up between them when she felt her back hit the wall. She hadn't even realized Lexa was walking them backward until then.

"Yes, it does. You know Raven has had problems like this in the past, and we were working on getting over them. But then _you_ had to come along and undo everything we did. Why?"

Clarke had been trying to keep her emotions in check. Trying to stay calm and understand that Lexa was probably hurting more than she was. "Have _you_ stopped to think about that?" Clarke knew it wasn't a fair response but she wasn't going to apologize either.

"Have I- You have no right to be asking me that. _You_ were the one that fucked this up. There was a chance, a _chance_ to fix this. And that's gone. It's _all_ gone. She doesn't _want_ me anymore. Because of _you_!" Lexa had, at some point, unsheathed her dagger and was currently pressing the point of it into Clarke's windpipe, not enough to break the skin, but enough to make it uncomfortable.

Clarke hadn't even been shocked to find herself on the other end of Lexa's dagger. Again. Her eyes were wide open staring back at the set of green ones. "Let's me help you to understand a few things, _Lexa_." Clarke leaned forward just enough to feel the sharpness of the blade puncture her skin. "She will _never_ forgive you if you do this. And you'd be a fool to let her walk away."

"She already has walked away. I'm guessing you were here when she had her throwing fit. She's done. I can't change that."

"Yeah I was. And that doesn't happen when someone doesn't care. You can either choose to forgive her. Right now...just put it aside and get over it or you can continue to let her drown in her pain.”

Lexa let up on the blade. Pulling it away from Clarke's neck, she took a step back and turned before tucking it back into its sheath. "She doesn't want to talk to me. How can I forgive her if she won't give me the chance?"

Clarke swallowed down her sadness; Raven's happiness had to come first even if it hurt her. She missed her chance and that was just how it was now. She felt a trickle of blood slip down over her chest, it made this that much more real. "Show her that she's the one every day. Show her that no matter how hard she pushes you…you won't go anywhere. Make her understand and feel that she's worth it because she really fucking is..." Clarke had turned so her back was to Lexa, her own tears threatening to spill. "Let her be afraid sometimes and then show her that _you do_ pick her first.”

"I want that more than anything...but will she want that is the question." Lexa walked out, not waiting for a response from Clarke.

~~~

Clarke sat atop her horse waiting for the gates to be opened, blood splattered down her front and coating her hands. She rode in with along with the Commander and Adviser far enough so they could dismount. Seeing Kane waiting by the guards tower, she lead the way so they could discuss what little information they were able to pull from Emerson.

Kane gave a slight bow as the three approached. He noticed the traced and splattered blood but quickly decided to forgo those particular details. "Did you get anything out of him?" His attention was more towards Lexa than Clarke.

"Yes. He revealed that he and Echo had been working together in an attempt to draw me out and kill me. Apparently they were planning on Ontari coming back and becoming the next Commander. He also seemed to have had his own personal vendetta with Clarke, but everything has been taken care of." Lexa nodded back towards Clarke, then returned her attention towards Kane.

Clarke's nostrils flared as she listened to Lexa explain. She hadn't realized how close Anya had been to her until she felt a hand press to her lower back. "I don't believe Arkadia has anything to worry about but I do think the guards should be maybe a little extra cautious right now. No solo trips outside the gates." She directed her words to Kane and the Captain of the guard that had joined them.

Kane was nodding as Clarke spoke, agreeing with her. "I think those are all reasonable requests. I would like to ask, Commander, if you would be willing to leave a few of your warriors behind? To work along with our guard. Keep a better watch. I think we've all learned that we can't be too careful these days."

"Of course. I will leave a few of the healthy ones, and as the ones recovering are cleared by Abby, you can add them to your guard as well. We have plenty back in Polis."

Anya stood next to Clarke, her hand still pressed against her back. She leaned over and whispered, so that Lexa and Kane would not hear. "We should go get you cleaned up soon."

"I think that's a good idea." Clarke whispered back to Anya. "If you don't mind-" She looked from Kane to Lexa, letting her gaze bounce between them. "I'm gonna go…if you need me…" She left her thought unfinished. Her mind was too tired to really even care at that moment. She stepped around the small group and headed inside.

Lexa watched then nodded at Anya, who nodded back and followed Clarke inside. She turned back to Kane. "One more thing Chancellor. If you don't mind, we'll probably stay one extra day. Abby told me earlier that a few more warriors will be healed enough to ride and I would like a few to ride back with us for security."

"You're welcome to stay as long as you need. I'm sure Abby would want you to let your wound heal a little more as well. Anything you need Commander, just ask."

"Actually Chancellor I do have one question. How would you feel about...allowing one of your citizens to move to Polis?" Lexa managed to keep her breathing steady as she began to formulate exactly what she was going to say.

Kane looked from the Commander to the fire pit that a few of the younger Skaikru were gathering around. "Is there something we can provide the Capitol? Do you have something specific? A service or skill set? Because I'm sure we can work something out. Maybe even a trade."

"I've been thinking. In the month Raven stayed with us, there have been more improvements in security and communication than since before I became the Commander. She also seemed to enjoy her time in the city. Of course, I'm not forcing her to move. Even if you say yes, it will ultimately be up to her, but her assets were very valuable. Besides, you have others that can take her place."

"Raven?" Kane's eyes shot back to the girl. "She's the best we have here. I don't know if that's a loss we can take, Lexa. Has she expressed a want?" Kane wasn't sure why this had come as such a shock but he knew what Raven and her skill set could accomplish.

"From what I have seen she loves the city. Polis can do that to people. I would hate to pull away your best mechanic, but she has already worked with some of the generals and they seem comfortable with her around. I'd hate to bring in someone new and have them get readjusted when Raven already knows what living in the city is like."

"She's would, of course, be free to make that move if she wants. But I assume we can make arrangements for anything that would require her knowledge and know-how here?"

"Of course. It would be easy enough to arrange transportation for her to come back if the need arises. That is, if she would like to move to Polis. This is her decision now." Lexa looked over to the fire pit, just in time to see Raven sit down with the rest of the spectators.

"The Capitol would be lucky to have her. And any advances to bridge the gap between us…I think would be a great thing. If she asks…" Kane pressed a hand to the Commanders shoulder before walking off with the guard that had been waiting to report for the night.

Raven looked up from her conversation with Monty and Jasper when she saw Kane walking by. Her eyes found Lexa's form, the urge to be near her almost had her standing. That ache inside her chest seemed to grow stronger but she just couldn't make herself go to her. She just could not handle the thought of being pushed away, again.

Lexa waited until Kane had left before she turned her attention back to the fire. Her green eyes met Raven's brown. Everything inside her heart was telling her to walk over there and finally speak to her, but she knew she couldn't. For a minute she allowed her features to soften, the only remaining signs of the Commander and not Lexa being the paint still adorning her face.

~~~

Clarke stepped from the small bathroom, towel wrapped tight around her upper body and hair still dripping. It had been a quick rinse as there was still a ration on water usage and she had chills from the chilly temperature.

Anya had just finished removing her armor when Clarke stepped out. She looked over at the girl and smiled before she creased her brow. "Looks like you missed a spot on your neck."

"Where?" Clarke looked over her arms and every other part she could see. The towel loosening as she twisted around.

Anya stepped forward and around the girl, grabbing a wet cloth from the bathroom. "Here, let me help." She ran the cloth over her windpipe gently, but was confused when the mark didn't go away.

Clarke put her hand up, covering the small cut she caused when she leaned into Lexa's dagger. "Maybe we forget about this?"

"What is it from? Did something happen?" Anya pulled Clarke's hand away but didn't look at her neck. Instead she gazed into the blue eyes in front of her.

"It's nothing." Clarke tried to step around the woman so she could reach the clean clothes she'd set out for herself before the shower.

"Are you sure? It's right on your windpipe too..." Anya stepped aside, letting her go to her clothes. Then she remembered. Lexa. How angry she had been earlier.

"I'm sure." What could she really say to Anya about it? She already knew about Clarke and Raven and she'd already warned Clarke about Lexa's potential rage because of it. And in truth, she just couldn't handle the emotional aspect at that moment.

"It was Lexa wasn't it?" Anya watched her carefully. She really didn't want to force Clarke to say anything.

She took a breath then sat on her bed. Even if she didn't _want_ to talk about it there was no use in lying about it. "Not really…I- I leaned in…"

"Why? She should have never pulled it on you in the first place." She slowly walked over and joined the blonde on the bed, on hand resting on her knee.

"I probably had it coming, maybe even worse. It'll heal"

"Was this still about Raven?"

Clarke's eyes fluttered shut at the sound of Raven's name. She knew it was going to sting, at least for a little while. But she did have Anya and she did see the potential there was between them. She opened her eyes turning them back to Anya's and nodded. "Yeah. It was..."

"You love her don't you?" Anya looked straight into the blues, knowing what the answer to her question would be.

“Yes.”

Nodding, Anya look away from her and across the room. "Normally I'd tell you to follow your heart. But..." She stopped, biting her lip.

"I am." Clarke put a finger under Anya's chin pulling her head back to look at her. "I have to move on from that…so here we are. But I would understand if you wanted to go."

Anya shook her head. "I'd never leave."

"Maybe..." Clarke swallowed thickly before continuing. "Maybe we take this really slow and maybe I learn how to _earn_ your love." She had heard Anya say I love you the night before just as she had fallen asleep but hadn't known how to respond.

"Maybe we both have to learn." Anya gently ran a finger over the cut on Clarke's neck. She wondered if the amount of love in one small cut would ever be directed towards her instead.


	39. Chapter 39

Lexa had left her spot watching the fire pit a while ago. She couldn't just stand there and watch Raven-she had to talk to her. Something told her to wait in the garage, so she found herself walking down the halls until she stepped into the open space. On the ground next to the door still sat the busted radio. She picked up the pieces, looking at them as she walked over to the bench.

Raven had ended her conversation with the small group as they left one by one for the night. Every few minutes she had glanced back and saw Lexa in the area of the main gates until she wasn't there. She really couldn't decide if it was a good or bad thing and she tried even harder not to think about it…Any of it. She stood with a groan then headed to the garage. She knew given the time it would be empty, or empty enough that she could tinker with a few smaller projects she had been working on before she left. Raven had been just a few feet from her bench when she spotted her. Lexa. Standing there…With the scraps of the radio she destroyed earlier.

Lexa had been looking at the radio, her back leaning against the bench. By chance, she looked up to see Raven walking in. She placed the bits of radio down on the bench and then turned back to her, meeting her eyes. "Raven..."

Raven let her eyes hold the set of green ones for a few seconds. She let her eyes roam the girls face, just aching to be near her...to hear Lexa say her name again. She ached to just be _hers_ but she knew how badly she had screwed it all up and wasn't sure any of it could be fixed. When she opened her mouth nothing came out...and she didn't know what to say.

Lexa slowly walked up to her, standing about a foot away. She didn't want to get any closer right away so that she could gauge the situation. Her eyes scanned Raven's face looking for anything there. No words came out of Raven's mouth, but Lexa's let out another whisper. "I'm sorry..."

Raven couldn't help the guilt that hit her like a hammer. The way Lexa's voice washed over made her chest ache twice as much as it had before and she didn't think she would be able to fix any of this without being honest. "I don't really think you'll feel that way…after I tell you who-" Her eyes stared back up into the green pair.

"I know. I already know...but I'm still sorry." Lexa wanted to hold that brown pair for an eternity. Nothing could pull her away.

Raven nodded a few times. She hadn't been prepared for any of this- Lexa being there, having to talk about what had happened…The uncomfortable distance between them. It was both too far away and too close. "I-"

Lexa couldn't stand there any longer. She took the last step forward and pulled Raven into her arms, holding her close against herself. It felt right, but at the same time she knew this could break everything.

At first Raven's body went rigid. She couldn't let herself want this if it was going to be ripped away again but then she couldn't _not_ want this. She nuzzled her face into Lexa's neck and just breathed in her smell.

"I never wanted to hurt you..." Lexa's words were muffled as her face pressed itself against the side of Raven's head. It had been _far_ too long for her liking since they had stood like this.

The feeling of being in Lexa's arms had her mind and heart split in two. And then split again from there. Half of her heart wanted to stay right where she was. Half of her mind begged her to let it go and move forward. To just let Lexa love her. But the other parts wouldn't stop screaming. That forced her to push herself back from the girl and then shove her away. "I can't do this- not again!" Raven's hands clenched into fists at her side as she battled her own feelings. "How am I supposed to be okay with _any_ of this? How can I be okay with you being like THIS one minute and the next you are looking through me like I'm nothing?!"

"I wish I could change things, but I can't. I have to be Lexa and Heda. I am both...but both love you." Lexa watched her, hoping that her words could finally mend everything between them.

Raven stepped around Lexa to look down at the pieces that made up the radio scattered over the workspace. "And yet…here we are."

"You don't have to say anything, or even accept me back. Just know that alright?" Lexa went to step around the girl and head of the garage.

"So you're just going to leave now? Is that what we're going to keep doing now?" Raven turned only her head in Lexa's direction.

"I'm not going to stand here and try and apologize only to get hurt myself again. This has to go both ways and apparently you're not ready for it."

"I don't know _what_ I am Lex. I've barely been able to breathe since-" Raven turned the rest of her body so she was facing Lexa. "So much has happened in the last few days…"

"Yes, it has. And I'm ready to put it past us if you are. So far all I've seen is that you're still caught up in everything that happened. I think it's time you figure out exactly what you want."

"I'd like to believe it was that easy…But it's just not. Even knowing what I want. It doesn't make any part of this easy."

"It's because of Clarke, right? Because of your feelings for her? Did Clarke ride a third of the way to Arkadia with their stomach split open to make sure you were alright?!" Lexa grabbed the bottom of her shirt and ripped it upwards, revealing the stitches right next to another familiar scar.

"My feelings for- how did you..." Raven's brain finally caught up to what she heard and then she was moving forward. She bent over and peeled the bandage away seeing the streak of fresh blood along the line of stitches. "What happened?" She had both of her hands resting on Lexa's stomach, a thumb running soft slow circles over the bullet wound scar.

"My _duty_ happened. It is something that you have to accept." Lexa stepped back away from Raven's touch, though her heart was telling her not to.

Not even realizing that Lexa had been moving _away_ from her, Raven followed her forward placing her hands right back where they were. "I want to." She stood up straight but kept one hand resting flat against Lexa's stomach. Her eyes softened even more when they met the green pair. "Okay…I'll accept it."

"You have to understand _fully_ what you're getting yourself into. Yes, I may have to push aside my emotions to make decisions, but at the end of the day I still want to find myself next to _you_."

"You have to understand too, Lex. When I walked up and saw you there with Kane...the way you looked at me. It made me feel like I was _nothing_. Less than nothing…Why is it that Kane has found a way to be a leader and still treat Abby with respect?" Raven inched just the slightest bit forward. "I know I'm not your equal...but did you have to make me feel it too?"

"I never meant it like that. I hate to say it, but with Kane it's different. Leaders of the clans are encouraged to show emotions. Me? I could be seen as weak, or favoring Skaikru if I ran to you every single time you came around. I want to, but I can't. Being Commander is far different from leading a clan." Lexa began inching forward herself, slowly getting closer to Raven.

"I guess I don't have a choice now, do I?"

"You always have a choice. I never want to force you to do anything."

"That's not…It's not forcing when the other person wants you even if some of the circumstances aren't always ideal."

"But like I said, it is your choice. I do want you, but you have to want me in return."

"Christ Lexa!" Raven stomped her foot. "That _is_ what I'm saying! Yes I choose you and _yes_ I want you!"

That was all Lexa needed to close what little gap remained between them and bring her lips to meet Raven's, and she couldn't think of anything that felt better in the world.

So much of the ache that had taken up space in chest went away the moment she felt Lexa's lips on hers and she couldn't hold back. She brought her hands up to fist them in the brunette’s shirt, wanting to hold her there so she couldn't...wouldn't pull away. It was the first time in days that everything felt right and that it would be okay.

Lexa's arms snaked their way around Raven's waist, pulling the girl flush against her body, where she should have been this whole time. She knew she was never going to let go again, making sure that this time lasted forever.

Raven pushed herself against Lexa as if there had been any space between them. Just the feel of her had her senses kicking into overdrive. "I missed you-this so much..." She wasn't even sure the words came out right because she was too busy pressing kiss after kiss on the girl’s lips.

Lexa pulled away, only for a second to catch her breath. She pressed her forehead against the girl's, taking in every bit of this moment.

Raven let her hands drift up the front of Lexa's chest, fingertips skating over her collarbone to her neck, coming to rest on the sides of her head. "I'm sorry, Lex."

"I'm sorry too. Can we put this behind us now?" Lexa opened her eyes, gazing into the brown ones.

"Are you sure we can?"

"We can try. That is the best we can do."

"Okay, so we try." Raven's thumbs caressed lightly over Lexa's temples. "It felt like I hadn't seen your eyes in forever...and I hated it."

Lexa hummed in response, her eyelids fluttering shut at the feeling of the gentle caresses against her temples. "Would you like to stay here or maybe move somewhere more comfortable?"

Raven let her hands card through the curly locks. Her head fell back a little, enjoying the way it felt and how much she missed it. "I thought you liked seeing me in my element…?" She teased.

Lexa growled at the tone and lowered her face so her mouth was right next to Raven's ear. "Or I can take you right here. Out in the open."

Raven felt a chill run down her spine. That growl and hot breath on her ear had her pulse spiking. "Not- not here."

"Your room then? I need someplace private to replace all those marks on your neck with my own, that way people know you're _mine_."

Ravens hands flew to her neck covering up as much as she could. Again she found herself at a loss for words. What could she really say about it? There was no denying it, Clarke did leave marks. "I- I am...yours."

"I know that, but apparently others need to be reminded. Now, lead the way." The last few words came out as a whisper, trying to evoke some response.

Raven felt the chill race down her spine again, the way Lexa's words came out obviously having an effect. She grabbed Lexa by the hand and tugged her along through the garage to the far exit and hall closest to her room. She squeezed the girls hand again then made to drop it so she could give Lexa the option of letting people see them together.

Lexa quickly grabbed Raven's hand again, squeezing it in return.

"Are you sure? It's still early enough to have lots of people around…"

"Your room awaits, Raven. My mouth doesn't want to wait."

Raven leaned in and bit Lexa's lip then pulled away slowly letting it slip from between her teeth. She saw a few people walk by out of the corner of her eye and it only made her center start to throb. She held tight to the girls hand and walked down the halls as fast as she could, ignoring the eyes that followed after her. Once she reached her room she opened the door tugging Lexa in behind then closed it not realizing she hadn't locked it.

Lexa practically threw Raven back against the door before hungrily attacking her mouth again. Her hands fumbled with the hem of Raven's shirt before pulling it up over her head and throwing it somewhere in the room.

Raven felt like the air had been pushed from her lungs and then breathed back into them when Lexa's mouth crashed down over hers. Her mind was so lost in the way it felt she didn't even realize the ache that had been in her chest was gone. "I missed this…the _Commander_."

"Mm, so have I." Lexa's mouth moved to pepper light kisses down Raven's jaw before moving back to her more rough style on her neck. As her tongue ran down the skin she felt the mark under her lips. Smirking, she bit into it, soothing the skin eat a swipe of her tongue after.

Raven groaned out, the bite a little harsher than she had been used to. It didn't hurt yet but she knew it in the morning. Her hips shot forward in an attempt to find some sort of friction. Raven knew she had soaked through her shorts, her clit had been throbbing since the first kiss they shared back in the garage.

Without removing her mouth from Raven's skin Lexa somehow managed to pull them across the room until she had pushed Raven down on the bed. She stood there, her eyes grazing over every inch of her that she could until a small box poking out from under the bed caught her eye. She pulled it out slowly, eyes going wide. "So the ones in Polis weren't the first?"

Raven propped herself up on her elbows, chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. "Weren't the first what?" Her eyes landed on the box and its contents now in Lexa's hands. "No. Just better resources and spare parts there." Her eyes rose from the harness back up to Lexa's eyes, her own hooded and nearly blown wide.

Lexa tossed the harness onto the bed before climbing back on top of the girl, pushing her back down as her lips found their way to Raven's collarbone, nipping and sucking at the thin skin.

Raven toed off her boots and adjusted herself higher on the bed right as Lexa had climbed back over her. She hadn't meant to but she stilled for a moment when a pang of guilt hit her over what she had done the day before on the bed they were on. It wasn't guilt for actually doing it but more of how she knew it hurt Lexa. Shaking her head a little, Raven pulled herself back to the present and the feel of that talented mouth on her chest.

Lexa pulled off quickly. "I don't want you thinking of anything other than what my mouth is going to do to you, understand?"

"What?" Raven tried to pull Lexa back down. "What would I- yeah of course."

"Do you understand? I need to hear you say it clearly." Lexa's green eyes met Raven's blown out ones, the green only visible around the edges.

Raven leaned up and licked the plump lips that she couldn't get enough of. "I understand." She whispered into the girl’s mouth.

Lexa growled as she leaned back down to recapture Raven's lips in another searing kiss. She made sure to bite her bottom lip, pulling it between her teeth before moving herself down lower, her tongue finding its way to the tops of Raven's breasts as her hands slowly slid the bra straps off her shoulders.

Raven brought a hand up to the back of Lexa's head holding her in place at her chest. The other hand found its way under Lexa's shirt on the opposite side of her injury, nails digging in and dragging up.

Pulling against Raven's hands, Lexa sat up long enough to pull her own shirt off and pull Raven up into a sitting position. Her hands quickly unclipped the bra and pulled it off before pushing the girl back onto the bed. Lexa's mouth immediately latched onto one of the hardened peaks, her tongue flicking it gently.

" _Fuck_ " Fell from her lips in a drawn out moan. The rough then gentle elements of what Lexa was doing was starting get to her. That certain way Lexa knew how to touch her to make her want more…

Lexa popped her mouth off of the first one and quickly switched to the second as her hands began to work at undoing Raven's pants.

Raven pushed Lexa off of her chest and back far enough so she could sit up. "Wait…" She breathed out. "Let me take off my brace first."

"Here, let me help then." Lexa stood up off the bed and began unstrapping it from the girl's leg.

Raven let the brace fall from her leg to ground, breathing out a heavy sigh of relief. The adjustments she made helped keep her steady on her feet but squeezed her calf tighter. Putting it out of her mind, Raven laid back on the bed and motioned for Lexa to rejoin her.

Lexa raised a finger, then pulled Raven's pants down the rest of the way before rejoining her, capturing her lips in another searing kiss.

Ravens hands roamed down Lexa's back until her fingers came to rest over the bandage on her side. "Wait." She turned her head pulling away from the kiss. There was another pang of guilt and she worried about Lexa re-injuring herself or popping a stitch. "I don't want you to...hurt yourself more."

"It's okay, I'll be fine. I'll be careful." Lexa's hand turned Raven's face back towards her as she planted another quick kiss on her lips before lowering her mouth to the flat planes of her abdomen, running her tongue along in patterns.

The way her tongue glided over stomach had Raven closing her eyes and trying to relax. Lexa hit one particularly sensitive spot making Raven suck in a harsh breath and squirm a little.

Lexa noticed the movement and picked her head up, gazing up at Raven. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah..." She looked back down at the set of green eyes. "I'm fine."

Nodding, Lexa hooked her thumbs into the waistband of Raven's boyshorts and slowly lowered them, kissing along the top of her thigh in the process. As she tossed them off to the side, her mouth found its way nipping up the inside of her thighs.

Everything Lexa was doing felt great but Raven couldn't get her mind to shut off. Her body felt like it was on fire everywhere Lexa touched and she knew she was soaked and probably about to start leaking down to the bed below but she still couldn't just focus only on that.

Lexa sat back for a moment and watched the juices glisten in the dim light before bringing her tongue forward and running it in one, long stroke through the folds.

The feeling of Lexa's mouth and tongue brought her mind screaming back to what was currently happening. Raven rolled her hips up trying to get more contact where her body was craving it. " _Just like that_ …"

Another swipe of the tongue through her folds preceded the two finger that slowly buried themselves in the center of the wet heat, stilling themselves for a moment before picking up a pace that matched Lexa's tongue, curling against that spot along the front wall

Raven was letting out a steady stream of moans and yes's and directions that she knew Lexa didn't need but she was doing it anyway. She let one hand bury itself in the darker hair, the other gripping the shelf behind her bed.

Lexa added a third finger, curling hard as she began to suck on the girl's clit. Both her mouth and her hand picked up the pace, pushing Raven closer.

The way Lexa was stroking her insides had Raven struggling to catch her breathe. That familiar burn started to spread out from the pit of her stomach making her head start to swim. "Fuck Lex...right there…" She was so close and everything felt amazing yet her brain just wouldn't let her let go.

Lexa's mouth released her clit and her thumb took over, rubbing in fast, harsh circles as she climbed up and growled in Raven's ear. "You're _mine_ and only _mine_. Cum, Raven."

"I'm _so close_." Raven panted out. Her clit was throbbing so hard it was almost painful. Lexa was still doing everything that had worked before…Yet her body just wouldn't fall over the edge.

Lexa's free hand came up and turned Raven's head so they were face to face, one set of blown out eyes looking into the other, foreheads pressed together. "Just let it go, _ai hodnes_."

"I'm trying, Lex..." Raven knew she was clenching around Lexa's fingers but she still wasn't tumbling into the orgasm that her core needed so badly at that point. It felt like she being edged but it was her own body that couldn't...wouldn't...?-let go.

Lexa huffed. Her hand was starting to cramp and Raven was not making it easy. "You're still thinking about her aren't you?"

"Huh? Who Clarke?" Just saying her name had Raven falling over the edge and crashing hard into her orgasm. Her head dropped back into the mess of pillows leaving her neck tight and muscles stretched like cords. She stopped breathing as the juices rushed com her center to splash out and cost Lexa's hand and the bed beneath her.

Lexa helped her ride out the last waves of the orgasm before pulling her fingers out. She couldn't say she was happy when Raven came to the sound of Clarke's name but her hand was thankful she finally had.

Raven's cheeks puffed as she let out a long slow breath. Her eyes were just fluttering open as her body relaxed back down into the bed. "Jesus, that was..." She let out another long calming breath as she focused on Lexa's face, seeing that they were not exactly on the same page.

Lexa laid on her side, looking at the girl. She was hurt, yes, but she didn't want to show it right now.

Raven shifted so she was half in her side but leaning into the girl. She pressed her lips to Lexa's jaw and slid it down to her neck and back up again. Her fingers toying with the wrap that covered the girl's chest.

"Are we ever going to be able to move past this?"

Raven pulled back so she could look the girl over. She hadn't actually realized the extent of what had just happened. "Is that what you /really/ want to be doing right now? Talking?" Raven let her fingers go back to toying with the wrap, loosening it and letting it start to fall away from the girls body.

"Yes, Raven, that's what we should be doing right now." Lexa pulled away slightly, just to gain Raven's attention.

Raven's hand fell away from Lexa's chest. She rolled back so she was laid flat out on the bed. Raven swiped a hand over her face before pulling a sheet out from underneath to cover her body. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"I already asked. Are we ever going to move past this?"

"What is it that you want…What do you want me to say here?" The pangs of guilt were knocking around in her chest but she just kept telling herself it would take a little time. She _had_ feelings for Clarke but she was _in love_ with Lexa and that had to make all the difference. Her eyes stared straight up at the ceiling. She knew there was a chance that if she looked over at Lexa she would see the hurt she caused and she just wasn't prepared for that.

"I can't do this every time Raven. I can't get hurt every time..." Lexa watched her, trying to forget the throb between her legs and remembering the pain in her chest.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you. I didn't even think I'd see you again…or this soon." Raven kept her eyes looking anywhere but over at the girl next to her.

"I thought I had been able to push it away...but right now..." Lexa flipped over, facing away from Raven. She couldn't look at her.

"I'm sorry…" Raven pulled the sheet tight around her body and turned so she too was on her side facing away from Lexa.

Lexa didn't respond, only laid there. She eventually turned over, curling up against Raven's back and throwing an arm around her waist. She nuzzled against the girl's neck, then whispered in her ear. "I'm not losing you again."

Raven relaxed back into the body behind her. She heard the words and knew Lexa meant them but there was still the feeling that this was unresolved and she wasn't sure how to change that. "When do you leave?"

"Kane has said we are welcome to stay as long as we want, but I anticipate one more full day before we head back."

Raven nestled herself back as much as she possibly could. She did want to turn around and curl into Lexa but the mere thought of seeing the hurt she knew would be in her eyes had her wanting to get up and run away. So she opted to stay where she was, back pressed to front. "Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. Whatever it is you need...just tell me so I can do it."

"Right now just stay here with me. We can work on everything else with time. I promise." Lexa pulled her in tighter, breathing in the scent she had been missing for far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEXAVEN IS BACK BITCHES
> 
> AND SMUT IS BACK BITCHES
> 
> Okay my outburst is over lol -ADCT


	40. Chapter 40

Raven blinked her eyes open and yawned as she rubbed the sleep from her face. Leaning back a bit, she felt the body laid out behind her and couldn't help but feel relieved. And horny. Well more wanting to have her hands all over Lexa. And in her.

Raven noticed the girl still had her pants and boots on so she slowly moved her hand to the zipper and inched it down. She used both hands and got the button undone just as gently. Raven positioned herself so she was face-to-face and slide her hand into the spread open pants, down into Lexa's underwear and dragged her fingers through the folds.

Lexa had only fallen asleep a few hours ago. Most of the night was spent awake, thinking a bit too hard. Her body was exhausted though and eventually sleep overtook her.

She did not stir at the undressing Raven was currently performing, but the finger through her folds elicited a content sigh from her.

Raven was able to shift her hand and arm in the girl’s pants just a little bit more, leaving enough room to press the tip of her middle finger into her core. She swirled it a few times enjoying the feeling of Lexa's wetness growing.

Lexa shifted on the bed slightly, the ache between her legs returning slowly. Her breathing picked up slightly and her cheeks began to flush but she stayed asleep.

Raven pressed her finger in to the knuckle and pulled it back out slowly. She did it over and over until Lexa was dripping. Shifting as easily as she could, Raven wrapped her mouth around a nipple, her tongue licking circles around it.

Another sigh made its way out of Lexa's mouth as her chest automatically arched up into Raven's mouth. Small groans were thrown out as she slowly began to stir.

Raven pulled out of the girl and let her fingers run up and down through the folds, spreading as much of the wetness as could. Her mouth switched to the other nipple, choosing to be a little rougher with the way she sucked.

Lexa's eyes fluttered open, blinking as they adjusted. She could feel the ache and wetness between her legs, and a finger to accompany it. "Ra-" the name died in her throat as a moan escaped while Raven's lips wrapped around her nipple.

Raven popped off the nipple so she could kiss and lick her a path up to Lexa's neck and then ear. "I really wanted to hear you cum, Lex. I hope you don't mind." She whispered.

"Keep going, _beja_." Lexa's hands threaded into the brunette locks and pulled Raven in for a firm kiss.

Raven circled Lexa's clit a few times then slid her fingers back through the folds to her entrance. She pushed two gingers back it knuckle deep and curled.

Another low moan worked its way out of Lexa's throat as her head rolled back. Every movement sent another jolt to her core, the ache growing.

Raven began a steady in and out pace making sure to drag her fingers along the spot she _knew_ pushed Lexa closer and closer to the edge. It was still a little bit of a tight fit but she had just enough room do what she wanted. Wanting to stimulate Lexa as much as she could, Raven went back down and took a now hardened peak into her mouth and sucked. She traded off nipples a few times until she knew they were becoming sensitive.

" _Sha...ai hodnes_..." Every movement felt so good against Lexa's skin. She had missed the feel of Raven's finger filling her, curling against her. She could feel herself begin clenching around them as she almost fell over the edge.

Raven moved her body back up so her mouth hovered next to Lexa's ear. "Let me Lex. What do you need?" Raven was slamming into the girl as hard as she could with the limited range or motion. Her palm was grinding down over the brunettes clit every time she slammed forward.

"Just keep... _jok_ , like that..." Lexa's hand held onto the back of Raven's neck, holding her there. She gasped as the first waves of her orgasm began crashing through her.

"I've got you, Lex." Raven slowed her fingers but kept them sliding in and out, her palm continuing to press against the girl’s clit to draw out her orgasm.

Her back arched as the waves continued through her, moans and whimpers emerging from her throat. It felt _so_ good, she had really missed this.

Raven picked up her lace again. Her fingers pumping in and out, dragging that front wall. "Again!" She growled into Lexa's ear before moving her mouth back down to nip and suck the flesh around her chest.

Another gasp as the second round of waves began coursing through her. Lexa arched even more, the hand on Raven's neck pushing her down against her chest

Raven wanted to draw this out just a little more so she kept her fingers buried deep, curling and pressing the front wall. Her mouth moved back up to bite and suck marks along Lexa's neck, running her tongue over it to soothe her.

The moans made way for more whimpering as she rode out the second. Every part of her was on fire now, especially her neck, as she felt Raven marking the newly healed flesh.

Slowly she pulled her fingers out. Her own whimpers from the loss of having her fingers in the tight heat. Raven kissed her way to Lexa's lips, licking out over them.

Lexa leaned up into the kisses, pulling Raven back down on top of her. Sure, she wasn't happy about the previous night, but this morning made up for it slightly.

"Good morning, Lex." Raven peppered Lexa's face and neck with kisses. "I hope you don't mind me waking you…"

"I liked that wake-up call...you should do it more often." Lexa's eyes were still half-lidded as she looked up at the girl above her, smiling sleepily.

"Maybe I will." Raven dropped a few more kisses then rolled off the girl so she could stand. "Go back to sleep..." Raven stood letting the sheet she had wrapped around her body fall away.

"Where are you going? Come back and stay with me." Lexa lazily patted the bed next to her as she curled up under the blankets. Keeping her eyes open was a struggle at this point.

"I have work that needs doing and things that need fixing. And you need rest." Raven moved around the small space gathering clean boyshorts and pants. She pulled a bra and shirt from a locker that sat across from her bed.

"Maybe I'll stop by later after a little nap." Lexa smiled, watching Raven move around the room picking up clothing.

After strapping the brace into place Raven sat on the bed and slipped her feet one by one into her boots. She laced them up a little tighter than usual hoping to offset the extra tightness around her calf. Leaning back, Raven kissed Lexa's forehead, lingering there for a moment. "I- I'll see you later."

Lexa nodded. "I'd like that, yes." At that point she didn't fight anymore. Sleep slowly crashed back over her as her eyes closed.

About five minutes after Raven had left Abby knocked once then walked in. Her eyes fell to the naked torso of the Commander and she huffed while covering her eyes _and_ moving forward to pull she sheet up over her.

Lexa, who had not fully fallen asleep, sighed and opened an eye, expecting to see Raven, or maybe even Clarke. She saw a Griffin, but not the one she expected. She quickly jumped up, scrambling to keep the blankets covering her. "Abby!" she squeaked out as her face grew red.

"Both of my girls, Lexa?" Abby sat herself in the chair that was next to Raven's desk. She leveled her eyes on the grounder leader, softening them as she began to realize why Raven might want to make Polis her new home. "Is this why Raven wants to be in your capital?"

"That was the original motive of me asking...but she doesn't know yet, I don't think." Lexa wrapped the sheets a bit tighter. "Besides Abby, you must've raised them right if I'm attracted to both." Lexa hinted at a smile to try and diffuse the tension slightly.

Abby raised an eyebrow at the comment. "Your attraction is neither here nor there. Raven isn't my...birth daughter but I do care for her like she was."

"I can see that. Just know that I do not intend on hurting her...again..." Lexa bit her lip, looking at Abby.

"She hadn't told me anything although Clarke did make mention that Raven was dealing with it some things. I presume they were about you." Abby held up her hands. "Raven is very special, Lexa."

"I know, which is why I'm trying to do everything I can to fully right this situation. We've...started to put it behind us."

"Okay." Abby stood and walked to the door, turning to look back at Lexa. "It will make me feel better knowing Clarke is there. I know they are close and seem to take good care of each other. _If_ she decides to make that move."

Lexa looked away for a second. _Clarke_. She hadn't thought about that. How close she and Raven would be in Polis. Memories of the previous night came bubbling back up in her mind as she looked back towards Abby. "Uh, yeah...yeah, that's great."

"I'd like you to come see me at some point today so I can check your stitches. I trust Clarke did a good job but I think a follow-up can't hurt."

"Alright that sounds reasonable. If you give me a little bit of time to get ready I'll stop by soon."

Abby nodded and stepped out closing the door behind. Little did she know the way her words had ruffled Lexa's feathers.

~~~

About an hour later Lexa found herself travelling back to Raven's room. Abby had said her wounds was healing nicely and was even able to remove one stitch, but she was still reminded to take it easy until it fully healed.

Abby's comments earlier in the day had still been lingering in her mind and the anger that had started poking its way through had only increased in ferocity. She kept her face stoic but her mind was screaming. She hadn't thought about Clarke in Polis ad how close in proximity she and Raven would be. Lexa would have usually put this off, but with what had happened in her absence she had no clue if she could trust either of them.

Upon returning to the room, Lexa remembered her comment earlier to Raven about going to visit her. She pushed aside as much anger as she could to maybe go and repay the favor for her wake-up call. Before leaving the room, Lexa spotted the unused harness from the night before laying on the ground right underneath the bed. With a wicked grin she pulled it out and pulled down her pants, putting it on before redressing herself. Thankfully the bulge wasn't too noticeable as she stepped out the door and made her way to the garage.

Turning the corner she saw the familiar hallway leading to the garage. She marched over to the closest door but stopped as she saw a familiar blonde exiting from one of the far doors. Why would Clarke be in the garage now? Lexa could hear herself growl as her mind only formulated one reason: to go see Raven. She quickly threw open the door and marched in, going straight for the workbench where Raven was currently situated. "Why was Clarke just in here?"

Raven snapped her head up and pulled one of the earplugs from the ear closest to Lexa. It had been a pretty noisy morning with a few of the guys welding together more parts for the fence that surrounded the camp so she had opted to try and block out as much as she could. She did hear what Lexa said but didn't catch the tone. "Clarke? Probably to see- why are you asking me?" Raven took the other plug out of her ear, turned and looked at Lexa, brows knit together.

"Why would she be coming to see you? More little rendezvous without me around so you two could have fun?" Lexa's voice was a little tense but she was still keeping composure.

"I didn't say she was here to _see me_!" Raven tossed the earplug down into the bench, grumbling as it bounced to the side then falling to the floor. "I haven't see her since _yesterday_ if you really need to know. You can't just come in here and start accusing me of fucking people!" Raven tried to keep her voice as low as possible but it steadily rose as she spoke.

"See, I wouldn't have had this problem if I could've trusted her-or even _you_ -to not go behind my back. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of trust anymore." While speaking, Lexa had slowly turned so that Raven was stuck between her and the bench.

Raven knew on some level she had caused Lexa's mistrust but she wasn't going to be accused of anything while she was working. "Lex I…I didn't go behind- it wasn't like that." Raven looked over Lexa's shoulder checking to see it who if anyone was around.

"Oh it wasn't? What was it like then?" Lexa turned away from her, looking out over the garage. "I'm rethinking my conversation with Kane now..."

"Now? You want to talk about this here?" Raven inched to the side so she wasn't feeling too trapped between Lexa and the bench. "What are you talking about Kane for?"

"Is there somewhere more private you'd like to talk?" Lexa turned and looked back at her.

Raven motioned for Lexa to follow her. She walked over to the small office and open the door. Just as she was about to walk in her eyes landed on the couch that sat on the opposite wall and the memory of what she did with Clarke hit her. Shaking the thought from her head, Raven walked in and perched herself on the corner of the desk and waited for Lexa to say something.

Lexa closed and locked the door behind them and then turned towards the girl. "With Kane...I asked him if he would allow one of his people to move to Polis to assist the capital."

"Okay what does that have to do with me?" Raven had been a little out of sorts, her mind lost in thoughts of Lexa and then drifting to Clarke. She couldn't stop wondering what would happen between them and if their friendship could still work considering…Well considering the feelings that were brought back to the surface.

"I asked him if he would be alright with letting _you_ go."

"Me? You want me to move-" Raven was just about to launch herself at Lexa when she realized Lexa also said she was reconsidering it. Raven did everything she could to stop the tears from forming. She but the inside of her cheek and swallowed hard before attempting to speak again. "Rethinking as in now that's not what you want yet you still thought it would be a good idea to bring it up?"

"I thought it was a great idea until Abby pointed out to me this morning, after finding me naked in your bed, that she felt better if you moved because _Clarke_ is in Polis and you two will be close together. I don't know if I can have that...especially after last night."

"Clarke was there almost the entire month I was there and that's just how Abby is. She likes knowing we'll take care of each other if- last night?" Raven moved away from the desk so she was standing right in front of the girl. "What last night? I begged you to tell me what you want me to do."

"No. Not that. During sex. _I_ couldn't...but somehow _Clarke's_ name sent you over the edge. Why is that, hm? _That_ is why I'm reconsidering. Something about your feelings for her scares me because I don't want you to wake up one day and go running to her instead of me."

"Clarke's name? Lexa what the hell are you talking about?" Raven really hadn't realized what had happened. She sat back down on the edge of the desk and debated for a few minutes about exactly how much needed to be said. Raven let out a long breath before looking up into Lexa's eyes. She owed her the truth. "My feelings for Clarke…I _care_ about her, Lex...But I'm _in_ love with you."

"And I want to make sure of that. I want to make sure you never go back to her again so long as you're still with me." The anger in her voice was apparent now, even with Raven's words still ringing in her ears.

"I can't help the way I felt about her _before you_ and I thought we were _over!_ " She knew she wasn't making the situation better but she still was not going to apologize for sleeping with Clarke.

Lexa quickly backed Raven up against the desk again, standing right in front of her. "As long as that doesn't get in the way now..."

"She was the one...that uhm pointed out-" Raven swallowed thickly, the way Lexa had been pressing against her from the hips down had her feeling a little over heated and she was sure she felt a bulge in the commander's pants. "Are you wearing the...the harness?"

Lexa slowly nodded. "At first I was going to surprise you with a visit, but seeing Clarke leave changed all that."

Raven had no clue what the hell was happening. One minute Lexa was talking about asking her to move to Polis and then she wasn't. Then she was talking about Clarke and now she was pressing against her with the damn dildo but Clarke changed her mind about that too? "I'm going to need you to stop talking to me in riddles. Tell me what the hell you want, Lexa!"

"I want to know that you're _mine_. One hundred percent. No one else is going to touch you or love you the way _I_ do." The fire in her eyes blazed as she growled out the words.

"Of course I'm yours." Raven brought one hand up to cup Lexa's cheek. Raven shoved down the way Clarke looked at her the day before when she rejected her. She swallowed it all away and focused on Lexa. "No one else's…"

"I'm going to make sure of that..." Lexa grabbed Raven by the hips and pulled her flush against her own body before smashing their lips together.

Raven couldn't help the moan that rumbled in the back of her throat. She would never deny the way Lexa asserted herself sometimes turned her on and this time was not much different. Her hands drifted up into the brunette hair and held on while she kissed back as hard as she got.

Lexa's mouth moved quickly, nipping and biting at the skin of Raven's neck a bit harder than usual. She felt more animal in that moment, marking territory so that no one else would come near.

Raven winced with the harshness of the bite. It hurt a little more than felt good but she didn't want any of it to stop. She felt the difference in the way Lexa was touching her compared to the way she had done the night before. This was the Commander…this was what she kept trying to pull out of Lexa almost every time they had sex before.

After managing to finally pull her mouth away from the skin, Lexa turned Raven around so her back was pressed against Lexa's front. Her hands quickly slid the shirt up to her ribcage as one hand palmed her breast through the material of her bra. Her other hand was at Raven's pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them as she whispered in Raven's ear. "This is what you want? You want to be the Commander's?"

"Fuck…yes I want to be yours... _yes_ I want to be the Commander's." Raven pushed her ass back into Lexa's front. The feeling of the dildo making her mind crave the way Lexa fucked her. All she wanted was to be bent over and fucked until she couldn't remember her own name.

Lexa pushed the girl forward until she was bent over that very desk. Her hands made quick work of the pants, pulling them down so they folded over the top of the brace. She then unzipped her own pants and pulled the dildo out through the opening. Lexa couldn't wait long enough to undress them both, so this would have to do. Her hands grasped Raven's hips as she lined up and slid into her in one swift motion.

Raven bit down into her bottom lip hard enough to draw her own blood. She hadn't exactly been prepared for no warning or stretching and the size was bigger than the one she used back in Polis. She was more than wet enough to take it but it still felt like Lexa was trying to split her on half. " _Fuuuck_ let me get used to it..." She was panting out, trying not to be too loud.

Lexa didn't hear the pleas. Her mind had gone into a frenzy mode, and her only thought was to make sure Raven knew exactly who she wanted to be with. Her hips pulled back then jerked forward again, hard.

Raven felt like the air had been knocked out of her lungs and at the same she felt that very familiar ache in the pit of her stomach. Once she was able to catch her breath, Raven still struggled with every thrust.

Every thrust was just that much quicker and that much harder. Lexa was even pulling Raven's hips to create that much more force on every thrust. She leaned down over the girl, growling in her ear. "Did _Clarke_ fuck you like this? Hm? Can she even _match_ what I can give you?"

Raven felt her knees weaken but she refused to acknowledge it was when Lexa mentioned Clarke. "No Commander she didn't…" Raven's words came out louder than she had intended. She didn't want to hear Clarke's name. She didn't want to think about the blonde at all while Lexa was fucking her into the desk. "Stop bringing her up!"

The thrusts got faster as Lexa growled and stood back up. She hadn't been able to thrust as deep and hard while bent over her, but now she could thrust all the way in until it felt as though their hips would meld together.

Raven reached her arms out and gripped the edge of the desk so she could hold on and because she felt her impending orgasm and she was sure it was going to wreck her. "I'm gonna cum, Lex. _Fuck_! Don't stop!"

"Cum for me _now_." Lexa's growl was lower than it had ever been as she sped up the pace to push Raven closer and closer to the edge. It would be _her_ that pushed her over this time, not the name of another.

Raven tried her hardest to hold back her moan but the second she felt herself clenching she lost all control. She screamed out Lexa's name and the Commander. She had almost always needed her clit stimulated but the way Lexa had been pounding into her sent her hurdling into an orgasm and then again right away and she wanted it to keep going. "Don't fucking stop. Keep fucking me Commander…Harder. "

"I'll go as long as you want me to." Lexa's pace picked up with the growl that ripped from her throat. She could feel the difference in each thrust as Raven clenched around her. It was driving her wild.

Raven let one hand go from the edge of the desk and moved it down to run through her folds then rub hard circles over her own clit. She knew she would be aching for days but she still thought Lexa could be pushed a little further into acting solely as the Commander. "Is that the best you can do, Lexa?"

Another growl, much louder, ripped through Lexa's throat at the comment. Somehow she found the energy to thrust even harder into the girl. Her hand swatted away Raven's and replaced it, rubbing fast and hard on her clit to push her over again.

The twist in the pit of her stomach and the throbbing that went from her clit down to her toes almost had her shouting. That grey space started to take over but Raven fought it, wanting to feel every single tremor and after shock. She let her body drop more heavily onto the desk, the sweat from her face and neck dripping down around her. "I need you to slow down, Lex."

"Why? Too much for you? Why don't you just cum again for the Commander?" Lexa's hand slowed slightly but her thrusts remained the same pace.

Raven thought that the way her muscles were spasming would never stop as she crashed over the edge again. Lexa had the exact amount of pressure on her clit and the way she had adjusted her own body made the dildo hit the spot inside her that always made her cum. "No. You were missing the spot." She groaned out.

Lexa angled her hips down, realizing what Raven had wanted and began to jerk her hips forward to hit her favorite spot. Her hand increased its pace, hoping to send her over one final time.

Raven just whimpered as the juiced leaked down her thighs. Her insides were so worked over she wasn't sure she would even be able to walk let alone be touched again for a while. "Please stop, Lex…I can't take anymore…and I really want to kiss you..."

Slowly Lexa let up on the thrusts until she had completely pulled the dildo out. She gently pulled Raven up off the desk and carried her over to the couch where she sat down with the girl in her lap.

Raven was pulling in large gulps or air, her forehead pressed against Lexa's. "Do you feel better now?"

Lexa only nodded, then chuckled slightly. "Can you feel anything now?"

"I feel thoroughly fucked." Raven dropped a few soft kisses to Lexa's lips. "Do we need to talk about…this?"

"About what?" Lexa looked into the brown eyes in front of her, studying her expression.

Raven shifted and moved around until she had her pants pulled up but didn't button or zipper them up. "If you need to fuck me every time- if this is what you need..."

"Shh, _ai hodnes_. I don't _need_ this. I'm not going to lie, that was amazing...but all I need is you. _Beja_ , tell me that if you decide to move to Polis, it will be for me and not her." Lexa's arm wrapped around Raven's waist, pulling her in closer.

"I want to know what me moving to Polis would mean to you." Raven settled herself into Lexa's arms with a small sigh.

"It would mean everything to me. Having you close so I can hold you just like this every night...waking up next to that pretty face...everything." Lexa smiled and planted a soft kiss on Raven's cheek.

"I wouldn't be there for her…for Clarke. But you would have moments where you'd think that." Raven peered down into those green eyes that make her heart flutter. "I guess I can't even blame you for that."

"I think Clarke understands too though. She doesn't want to come between us, from what I've gathered from her. Hopefully this can all just end and be over with, and we can get back to more serious business. For example, me changing my clothes because my pants are wet now."

Raven moved so she was sitting on the couch, her head dropped to rest on the back of it. "She does." Raven looked back over at Lexa. "Understand that I mean."

"Yes. So now we can work on putting this behind us." Lexa stood, tucking the dildo back inside her pants before zipping them up. "I should go change, but maybe later we can dine together?"

Moving to her feet, Raven stepped into Lexa wrapping her arms around the girl. "I'm in love with you. And I want to put this as far behind us as I...or _we_ can. Also, dinner together sounds really good."

"I'll come here and then we can head over for dinner." Lexa pulled her in as close as she could, burying her face in the side of Raven's neck.

"Are you going to worry if I'm not here?"

"Why wouldn't you be here? Are you going somewhere?"

"Something might need to be fixed or looked at in another area. Are you going to…Jump to the conclusion that I'm...doing something…" Raven couldn't think of a nicer way to put it so she just blurted it out. "Are you going to just assume I'm off somewhere fucking Clarke?"

"No...no, I won't. I promise. If you're not here I'll wait at your workbench for you to return. Besides, you won't be able to fuck anyone for a week the way I just ripped you apart." Lexa smirked, knowing how sensitive she would be.

"Oh she was gent-" Raven's eyes grew wide enough for them to fall out. "No no! I'm sorry I didn't mean that, Lex…please don't…it's not okay, I wouldn't."

Lexa could feel her face drop. She knew it had been a joke but the words cut deep into her again. She looked back at the girl, meeting her eyes. "Please don't joke like that again."

Raven pulled the girls face to her and peppered her face with kiss after kiss. "I'm sorry. That was bad timing."

"Alright. We'll forget about it. I'll see you later." Lexa planted one more kiss on Raven's lips before exiting the office. As she walked out, she saw a few of the others in the garage look her way, but she kept walking.

She made her way back to her own room to get a new pair of pants. While pulling them on, she noticed a thin red line on her shirt. Lifting it, Lexa was greeted by the sight of a trickle of blood and a stitch hanging loosely in her skin. She sighed as she pressed a strip of cloth to it and grabbed another shirt. She paused before leaving the room, wondering if she should go to Abby. Deciding against that, Lexa traveled down the hall leading to Clarke's room.

Raven waited about 5 minutes before leaving the small office. She hadn't really thought about what would happen but the few sets of eyes on her as she walked/limped back to her little area. She heard a few snickers coming Miller and then his boyfriend Bryan but she tried to ignore them. Instead she went back to what she was working on before being completely and thoroughly fucked in the same place she had sex with Clarke. It didn't erase the memory but it did allow her to put it away deep enough that it wasn't continually on her mind. She loved Lexa and that was all that mattered- all that _had_ to matter. Clarke was _just_ a friend.


	41. Chapter 41

Lexa hurried down the hall, the piece of cloth still pressed tightly against her stomach. She knew she couldn't go see Abby after what she saw this morning, which left Clarke as her only option.

Clarke was rounding the bend on the opposite end of the hall closer to her room when she happened to look up seeing Lexa walking towards her and holding her side in a way that let her know something was wrong. When she reached her door she stood there and held it open, assuming Lexa had been coming to see her.

Lexa looked up and saw her, then walked in to the awaiting room. "I couldn't go see your mother...so I thought you could help."

Clarke closed the door behind them and took in a quick calming breath. She pointed to the desk in the corner, motioning for her to sit on it. "Show me."

Lexa hopped up on it with a grimace and pulled the cloth away, revealing the ripped stitch. The bleeding had gone down enough that she could keep the cloth off of it.

Clarke took one look at the state of the wound, ripped stitch and blood caked around it and on the nearly soaked through cloth. She had caught a glimpse of the Commander about an hour prior heading into the garage where Raven had been. She was there right before that to talk with a couple of her friends, her eyes drifted to Raven more times than she would ever admit to but she kept her distance.

Clarke's jaw clenched as she did everything she could to pretend she didn't know what had happened. But she knew. She just _knew_ this was a result of Lexa needing to assert her claim on Raven. She had been on the receiving end of that before and knew what it was like. Clarke gathered the few tools she would need from the spare medical bag she kept on hand. "I'm going to have to redo most of these. You pulled or loosened almost all of them."

"Do what you have to, please." Lexa leaned back on the desk, looking at the wound. She hadn't felt it when she and Raven were in the office. Hell, she saw it before she felt anything. Maybe she went a bit too hard on her...

Clarke's fingers shook as she cleaned the injury and the area around it. She couldn't help the way her thoughts kept drifting to Raven. She knew the mechanic well enough to know she had probably used sex as a way to deal. It had just been Raven's way but now the idea of her being with anyone else…No. She couldn't let her mind go there. Ever. "Lay on your side like you did yesterday."

Lexa turned, watching Clarke carefully. "Clarke, something is wrong. Tell me what it is."

Laying out the things she was going to need, Clarke avoided looking up at Lexa. She cleaned over the area one more time, her hands more steady this time. "Are you going to come to me again…Like this tomorrow?"

Lexa knew. She knew that Clarke knew. "No...it was my mistake. Why were you in the garage this morning?"

Clarke's eyes shot up to meet Lexa's questioning eyes. She knew what was being implied and even though she couldn't blame her for it she didn't have to like it. "Why don't I answer the question you really wanted to ask, hmm? I wasn't there for... _her_."

"No, I know that...I just feel bad. I jumped to conclusions without really listening to Raven and I feel bad..." Lexa looked into the blue eyes looking back at her, hoping to somehow resolve everything between the two of them.

Clarke wasn't sure what the hell had just happened. Was Lexa really trying to talk to her about this? She knew Lexa would be able to read her if they kept on this subject. The clans’ leader had known her better than anyone for a small time so it was just a matter of time. But there was also the hope that if she went along with this is would preserve her friendship with Raven and that was always going to be more important. Clarke took yet another calming breath before returning her attention to removing the old stitches. "She loves you, Lexa."

"She loves you too. And you're her best friend. I don't want to endanger that relationship." Lexa watched her, occasionally looking down at the wound. "I don't want to force you two apart, but I need some sort of trust that you two are _friends_."

Clarke had finished wiping away all the old stitches and dried crusted blood right before Lexa had spoken. It was becoming obvious that Lexa wasn't just going to be her usual stoic self. She was really trying to talk to her about Raven and Clarke wasn't sure she could handle it. This wasn't just a quick chat and warning. "She knows I'm always going to be here for her. Let's leave it at that."

Lexa nodded, looking away from her. "I'm sorry..."

Clarke went back to what she had been doing. She waited until the last stitch was tightened and tied off before looking back up at Lexa's eyes. "This will probably scar now." She gathered the small pile of tools she used and placed them off to the side after placing a small bandage over the wound.

"Just another one to add to the collection." Lexa chuckled, attempting to lighten the mood slightly.

Clarke looked from the green eyes to the bandages and couldn't find the within herself to laugh about it. She knew she was making this harder than it needed to be but she was struggling to keep her mind from drifting. Drifting off to thoughts of her Raven and the way they were before…Before she gave in to a moment of weakness. "We can go cauterize it if you want."

"No, it's fine how it is. Thank you Clarke." Lexa stood up carefully, looking back at the blonde. "I know how much you two mean to each other. I never want to come between that."

Turning so she was mostly facing away, Clarke nodded a few times at the words. She really wanted to have a better response but it was starting to bubble up in side. "Yeah you said that already." Again Clarke cleared her face before looking back to Lexa. "It is what it is."

"Clarke, please stop hiding. I can tell you're just pushing everything aside instead of facing it. Tell me."

"This is how it _has_ to be. You really should just leave it be."

"And why does it have to be like this? Why can't we talk about this?"

"Please..." Clarke turned her blues on Lexa's greens. "She chose you. What else is there to say…"

"Clarke..." Lexa placed her hands on the girl's shoulders, looking straight back into the blue eyes. "She loves you, and I can see that you love her. Sometimes these things don't work out, so you move on. I did, you are too."

"Why are you _pushing_ this? Because it's not helping." Clarke felt her insides churning. Admitting her feelings to herself had been difficult enough and then showing them to Raven…She just needed to bury them. Shove them away until they were gone and move on. She had someone now to help her with that and here was Lexa wanting to _talk_ about everything.

"I just want to make sure everything's alright with you. I know you love her and you want what's best for her. I don't care about that. But just remember this. If you hurt Anya, I swear I will have your head delivered to my throne."

Clarke felt like being slapped would have hurt less but she refused to show it. "Fair enough." Clarke moved to her door, opening it so Lexa would leave. "Does that make you feel better?"

"Doesn't matter if I feel better." Lexa walked out, but stopped and turned to look back at Clarke again, nodding once before heading back down the hallway.

"Anya knows." Clarke called out before Lexa had gone very far.

"What does Anya know?" Lexa called back, slowing down so she could hear the response.

"How I feel about... both of them." Clarke slipped back into her room, closing the door so she could lean back against it. She had no clue as to how she was going to get through any of this.

Lexa stopped for a moment, contemplating going back, but then headed down the hallway, looking for where Anya and the warriors could be.

~~~

After her _pleasant_ conversation with Lexa, Clarke knew there was only one place she could go. Heading down the halls she had been down several time already that day, she passed by several groups of people whispering words like _Raven_ and _screaming and moaning_ , but worst of all was the mention of _the Commander leaving afterwards_. Clarke didn't want to confirm any of what she had overheard. Unfortunately for her, she ran into Bellamy, who confirmed her fears.

Clarke burst into the garage, heading straight for Raven's bench, stepping up next to the brunette. "Raven, what did you do?" She muttered through clenched teeth.

Raven turned her head to look at Clarke, eyes still slightly dilated. She had been working since she emerged from the office where Lexa had ravaged her and hadn't been paying any attention to what was going on around and behind her. "What..? I took a few spare parts to fix the radio, that's it."

"No, I mean-you know what, never mind. I already know what you did with Lexa. Fuck, I fixed her stitches and then had to listen to all the gossip on the way here." Clarke's blues stared back into the browns. She could see Raven's eyes were still dilated and it made her sick, but she pushed on.

"Oh...that." Raven couldn't help the goofy smile that spread over her face. "Wait, her stitches? Is she okay?" Her smile faltered enough to show her concern. Raven had completely forgotten about Lexa's stab wound and the way the brunette had fucked her she wasn't shocked to know she re-injured herself.

"The ones that were still in were all either loose or completely ripped. What the hell were you two thinking? Do you know people are talking about you right now?" Clarke forced herself to swallow the bile in her throat. Everything about this made her sick.

Raven shrugged slightly. "That's really nothing new for me on some level. Remember I'm the drunken whore's kid. And I don't really care. You didn't eit-" Raven turned away before she cut herself off. "Like we haven't found Miller and Bryan in the guard tower."

"This is different Raven. This is the _Commander_ we're talking about. This isn't Polis. People will talk freely here." Clarke turned her back to face her. "I don't want you to get hurt because of all of this."

"It's different because it's Arkadia? Or that the _Commander_ is with me?" Raven stared her brown eyes back into the blue ones. The jolt it gave her had to stop, needed to be stopped. "Or is it because it isn't with _you_?" The small cut on Clarke's neck caught her eye and she knew immediately who had done it. It took almost all she had in her to not reach up and run her fingers over it...to press a soft kiss over it. That was how she knew she needed to do this.

"Raven, I'm trying to look out for you here. The things I heard people saying...Christ, _Bellamy_ stopped me to ask if it was true."

"Obviously it _IS_ true. And I don't need you to look out for me." Raven knew her words would hurt Clarke. She knew it wasn't fair but she needed to put Lexa first and being away from Clarke was the only way. "You've done enough."

Clarke was going to respond. She was going to say something. All she really wanted to do was wrap Raven up in her arms and bury her face into her neck, but that wasn't going to happen. "I care Raven. That's why I look out for you, but if you don't want that, fine." The words she spat out were bitter tasting. She turned and started heading out of the garage, calling back out over her shoulder. "Have fun fucking the commander for everyone to hear."

Raven felt like she had been kicked. Like Clarke had just kicked her and she knew she deserved it for what she had said. She wanted to call her back, reach out and catch her arm before she had gotten too far away but she just couldn't. She needed to focus on the future she wanted with Lexa and not the past. "Screw you, Clarke."

"You already did that too Raven." Clarke made her way out of the bay doors and out into fresh air, the tears welling in her eyes beginning to streak down her face.

Lexa had just managed to find her way back to the garage when she caught the tail end of the argument. She walked in, seeing Clarke heading outside and Raven standing at her bench. Walking over to join the brunette, she placed a hand on her back. "Is everything alright?"

Not expecting to have anyone that close talking to her or touching her, Raven jumped then calmed when she realized it was Lexa. "Yeah. Everything is fine."

Lexa did not want to comment about seeing Clarke or hearing the argument. She knew Raven wouldn't want to hear it either. "I just stopped by to see how you were doing." Lexa leaned in enough that she could murmur in Raven's ear. "A bit sore?"

Raven took a steadying breath in then released it slowly. The exchange with Clarke would probably end up haunting her but it had to be done. When she felt Lexa's breath on her ear and heard her words she couldn't help the shiver that ran up and down her spine. "Sore is one way of putting it. But I'm sure you knew that."

"Are you okay though? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Lexa's hand rubbed small circles into Raven's back, comforting her. She was going to steer clear of talking about Clarke to help Raven.

"You didn't do anything I wasn't asking for but you're also not doing that again. Tonight. I can barely walk as it is." Raven leaned into the girl for a second until she remembered what Clarke had said about people talking. "Look Lex…there's a lot of people in here right now. You know, people that could be looking and then maybe talking about…what they see."

"I know, I'm stopping by quickly. Check on the radios and all that so that I will have one when I ride back to Polis tomorrow." Lexa leaned in again, whispering this time. "Still good for dinner tonight?"

The feeling of Lexa so close had Raven wanting to turn and wrap her arms around her. "I've got so much to do and then make sure your radio is working and paired and then I have a tracker device.. Maybe you should do that with Anya?"

"I eat with her all the time. I wish to dine with _you_ tonight before I leave."

"I know I know…I just have so much- Okay…I'll eat with you."

"We can have a quick meal and then you can come finish afterwards." Lexa stepped back a bit, nodding at her. "I'll see you later then?"

Raven glanced out the open bay doors before looking back to Lexa. "Yeah- yes. I'll see you later."

Lexa nodded and headed back out through the hall she came in on. She knew Raven was probably hurting, but she was glad that Clarke would be keeping her distance for now.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cough cough* This chapter has a whole lotta smut for the last 3/4 of it. Just a little note for ya.

After dinner, when Raven had headed back toward the garage, Lexa had gone to pack up whatever was left for the trip back to Polis in the morning. She had finished that quickly and, peeking into the garage to see Raven still working hard, went back to the girl's room to wait for her. She had checked on the new stitches quickly before setting about undoing her braids while sitting on Raven's bed.

Lexa wanted to make sure Raven was still alright from earlier. She had been quiet at dinner and seemed...off. She only wanted to make sure everything was okay.

Raven trudged through the quiet halls to her room, dirty and exhausted from the late hour. She had gone right back to the garage after her dinner with Lexa, wanting to finish up a few things. She felt the eyes of some of the guys following her around as she moved within the large space but she ignored it. She probably would have done the same if it'd been someone else.

When she finally made it to her door, Raven took a moment to clear her mind of some of the things that had happened earlier. Namely, Clarke and their argument. It was for the best she kept telling herself. It had to be. One last deep breath and she was stepping into the room, her eyes falling on Lexa immediately. "Hi-" Raven held up her dirty hands then pointed to the grime that had found its way onto her shirt. "Let me take care of this real quick?" Not waiting for an answer, Raven limped a little more than usual to the small bathroom so rinse off.

Lexa stood and followed her. "Let me help, _beja_. You look like you're about to collapse." She came up behind the girl and wrapped her arms around her waist, careful to avoid the grease.

"The shower is small, it'll be really tight." Raven toed off her boots and unbuttoned her pants before raising her arms waiting for Lexa to take the hint and pull her shirt off. "Probably a good thing I was able to add a heating element to my shower huh…"

Her hands were already lifting the hem of her shirt over Raven's head. "You can just lean back against me and I'll support you." Lexa pulled her own shirt over her head before rewrapping her arms around Raven's waist.

Raven had her brace and the rest of her clothing off in what felt like seconds. She stepped in to the small enclosure and under the warmish spray of water, waiting for Lexa to join her.

After removing the rest of her clothes, Lexa stepped in behind Raven and once again wrapped her arms around the girl's waist. "So this is the thing you want to put in my bathroom?"

Raven leaned her head back onto Lexa's shoulder, she turned just enough to she could place a few soft lazy kisses down the girls jawline. "I have a few ideas about that. I think you would grow to like it."

"But I prefer my bath. This is too small for my liking." Lexa buried her face into Raven's neck, feeling the water cascading over the two of them. She didn't want to leave in the morning-well, she needed to leave, but she wanted someone to come with her. "Have you finished the radios?"

"They're not all this small. Kane's is twice this size, and if I'm building it, it can be whatever size you want. And the radios are done. I paired them to the mobile unit. And a tracking device." Grabbing up the small piece of soap, Raven worked up a nice lather and ran her hands down the front of her body. She leaned a little bit heavier back into Lexa letting the water rinse away some of the suds.

Lexa's arms held fast around Raven's waist as she let the girl lean into her. "Alright good. I'll take a radio with me tomorrow that way we can keep in touch. Both for politics and pleasure."

"You can give one to Anya. I'll use the base unit. Now-" Raven took hold of Lexa's hands and laced their fingers together. "Tell me more about this pleasure?"

"I just want to hear your voice. It gets quite lonely without you lying next to me." Lexa pressed light kisses into Raven's neck, trailing up and down the skin.

Raven groaned a little as the feel of the kisses. "We should finish up in here." She ran their entwined hands slowly up her toned stomach. "In the shower…so we can, ya know, lay next to each other."

"That sounds like a good idea. Rinse off and then we can get out."

Raven leaned herself forward so she was fully under the cooling spray, water and the remaining suds cascading down her torso. Once she was completely rinsed, Raven had the water turn off and was stepping away and out of the enclosure.

Lexa stepped out behind her, grabbing the towel off to the side and wrapping it around Raven tightly, holding her there.

Raven handed Lexa her own towel but started moving her backwards out of the bathroom towards her bed.

She managed to wrap her towel around herself before Lexa felt the back of her knees hit the bed. She sat down and pulled Raven down with her, lying next to her on the small bed.

Raven let herself be pulled down, laying lengthwise next to Lexa. Her towel had loosened up but she left it like that. "Just lying next to me...is that all you're going to miss, Lex?"

"I'm going to miss everything about you." Lexa reached up and ran her thumb over the girl's cheek, cupping her hand along her jawline. "The offer still stands...if you want to move...and live in Polis with me."

Leaning her face into the touch, Raven's eyes closed with a light hum. "Can I take a little time...just to think about it?" Raven turned her face so she could kiss the girl's palm.

"Of course, _ai hodnes_. I was not expecting you to pack up everything and leave with us tomorrow." Lexa leaned forward, her forehead touch Raven's temple.

Raven didn't want to be thinking about any of that. It meant having to deal with the things swirling through her mind and she just didn't want to at that moment. Instead she dipped her head and pressed her lips to Lexa's for a needy kiss.

Lexa's eyelids fluttered shut as she let out a soft sigh into the kiss. Her hand slid to the back of Raven's neck, fingers playing with the few wisps of hair.

Raven felt a tingling down her spine from what Lexa was doing. She was so sensitive on the back of her neck especially when the touches were light and gentle. It hadn't taken long before her a whole body was tingling and she was wanting more than just kisses. "Lex..."

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you..." Green eyes looked into brown as Lexa searched the girl's face for any signs of what she wanted.

"You weren't exactly think about _that_ earlier..." she let out a light laugh. "Yeah I'm sure but...It doesn't have to be- We don't have to do _that_.”

"Then tell me what you want me to do, _ai hodnes_." Lexa did feel bad about before. Something in her just snapped and she wished she could take it all back. But that was done, and they were here now.

"Lex...stop thinking. I can feel you worrying. I like it okay? Really fucking liked it a lot." Just thinking about it had Raven's center starting to thrum with want. Granted it was sore and she probably couldn't handle another round like that so soon but she still wanted…something... "I want you to do whatever you want."

"I just want to make sure I'm not hurting you...again." Lexa pressed soft kisses to Raven's cheek, pressing herself close to the girl.

"You didn't hurt me, not like that. It felt amazing once I adjusted to the size." Raven felt herself starting to get wet from just talking about it. That slight pain when they started was worth it. The way Lexa had slipped over into the Commander was everything she has been asking for before. "I told you…You can do whatever you want."

"You always say that and I know. But what I want is to give you exactly what you want-and what you _need_." Lexa made a mental note to keep that harness for future use.

Raven let her fingers loosen then pull her towel open. "That's exactly what you did earlier. You took what you wanted. And you gave me _exactly_ what I wanted and needed. Sometimes I really _need_ you to be like that."

"If that is what you want sometimes, I can definitely give that to you." Her lips latched on to Raven's neck, gently sucking at the skin.

Raven tilted her head back giving the girl better access to her neck. A low moan rumbled in her chest at the sensations Lexa was giving her and from her own thoughts. "I was really hoping you would say that."

"But not right now. I think right now slow and gentle is the best option." Lexa trailed her mouth lower, pressing lazy kisses to Raven's shoulder then her chest.

Raven pulled Lexa's face up so she could look into her eyes. She wanted to let Lexa know gentle wasn't really what she needed at that moment but she also wanted the brunette to be okay with it. "Maybe we don't worry about gentle so much tonight?"

"Aren't you sore though?" Lexa peered into the brown orbs in front of her, her breath picking up slightly.

"Yeah there but that's not the only- there's other things we could do..." Raven's eyes were starting to dilate, pupils nearly blown wide.

"And what would that be?" The smirk in her lips only added to the tone of her voice. Lexa had been thinking of all the things she could have done earlier in the day but she didn't get to do them.

Raven considered offering to put the harness on but she knew there was no way Lexa was able to handle it. Not yet. Then she thought about… "This is not one of those times where I want to be asked a bunch of questions."

"Then maybe I should find a way to shut that pretty little mouth of yours." Lexa pressed a quick kiss to Raven's lips before standing up and sliding the towel off of her. She walked across the room to where she had dropped the harness earlier, picking it up and sliding it back on.

Raven's eyes widened for a moment when she realized what Lexa was doing. She has been thinking more along the lines of Lexa placing herself over Raven's mouth and riding it to orgasm but this… This was more like what had happened earlier and it only turned her on more. "That's not really going to shut my mouth you know..." Her mouth was already watering with the site in front of her. "Quite the opposite."

"But it will keep you quiet...to an extent." Lexa slowly climbed back onto the bed, straddling Raven's stomach quickly. She was going to draw this out for a while, hoping to get the both of them riled up.

"Well I didn't expect you to want a blowjob...this is a pleasant surprise." Raven's eyes wandered from Lexa's darkening green eyes to her neck down to her flat and toned abs and coming to rest on the harness and dildo that was laying on her own stomach. She let her hands glide up Lexa's thighs, fingertips rubbing circles into the skin at her hips.

"It felt really good the first time, and I was so turned on by it...thought maybe we can try it out with this." Lexa crawled her way up so that the head of the dildo was right near Raven's mouth.

Raven licked out over her lips trying to regain some moisture to them. She didn't want it to always be like this but when it was... This was the way she wanted it. Lexa taking what she wanted. "Just let me adjust this time." Raven opened her mouth and took the tip in, sucking on it with moan meant to vibrate down to the base.

Lexa had purposely tightened the straps on the harness as far as she could so she could feel every motion and vibration coming from Raven's mouth. The moan from her throat seemed to travel up Lexa's stomach and chest, slipping out between parted lips.

Releasing the tip with a pop, Raven peered up at the girl. She could already tell how turned on Lexa was and that only made her ache and clench her thighs. Raven let her tongue swirl around the tip a few times then she licked the length from tip to base and back to tip. "Move forward just a tiny bit for me Commander." Her voice came out low and husky.

Lexa slid forward so she was basically sitting on Raven's chest. One hand was on the pillow next to Raven's head while the other grabbed the brown locks.

Raven let one hand rest on Lexa's hip so she could hold her back just in case she thrusted too deep _and_ to pull her in if she held herself back. "If you put your hand under my head for support...this will last as long as you want." Raven's other hand grasped the dildo at the base as she took the head back into her mouth a sucked, inching her way down slowly.

Lexa's hand slid around as she growled and pulled Raven in a bit faster. "That's exactly what's going to happen." She felt like this was similar to what had happened earlier, when she lost control in the garage.

Raven had just relaxed her jaw enough to not gag but she still hadn't been prepared for how quickly Lexa was slipping back into commander mode. It made her want to make this that much better. Raven shut her eyes and flattened her tongue so she could try and take as much as she could, only making it a little more than halfway down before pulling back off of it.

"Have you adjusted yet?" Lexa looked down at the girl, watching every movement she made.

Raven wrapped her lips around the tip again- "mhmm" was all she could manage around the girth that she was slowly taking back into her mouth, going a little further down this time.

Lexa's hips bucked forward at the vibration, pushing in slightly farther than she had last time. The hand cradling Raven's head held her there while her head was thrown back in another moan. Every movement sent another shock through her and straight back down to her core.

Raven choked around the mouth, and now throat, full. Her eyes shut tight while she tried to breathe through her nose without pulling back. She had been able to take the dildo back in Polis easily but this one was big enough to make her struggle.

Lexa pulled back, allowing Raven's head to fall back on the pillow. She had to give herself a second. The vibrations coming from Raven's throat were pushing her too close to the edge and too early. She needed to keep her composure.

Raven knew that look that was written all over Lexa. She was getting close already and it made her smirk. "You okay up there, Commander?"

"I'm feeling _great_." Lexa growled as she grabbed the back of Raven's head and thrust back into her throat, going down about as far as she did last time. This time she brought her second hand up to hold her head in place.

Raven's fingers dug into the skin of Lexa's hip as she took the head into her throat. Her other hand pressed against the flat of her stomach but not to push her away. Taking it upon herself, Raven pushed further so her nose was almost meeting the back of her own hand.

" _Jok_..." Lexa's word came out more as a breath as she watched the dildo slowly disappear down Raven's throat. She didn't think she could see anything more beautiful than what was going on between her legs right now.

Raven pulled all the way off and took in a couple of deep breaths. Once she had gotten enough oxygen back into her lungs Raven wiped away the drool from her chin. "Safe to say this is still a turn on for you?"

Lexa could only nod as she had drawn her bottom lip in between her teeth. She was trying to keep control but failing.

"Do you want more?" Raven swirled her tongue around the tip, her eyes staring up into the green ones above her.

" _Sha_...you want to serve and please your _Commander_ , correct?" The intensity in her own eyes began to spark as Lexa could feel herself slipping back into the mask from earlier.

Raven held the eye contact as she wrapped her lips around the dildo again and slid down until her nose touched the harness. The stretch of her mouth and jaw had tears in her eyes but not from pain. She held there as long as she could then backed off only to push back down.

Every movement had the harness rubbing against Lexa and sending shockwaves through her body. The second time she saw Raven go back down was when she snapped. Growling, her hands wrapped around the back of Raven's head and pushed her farther. She wanted her lips touching the harness, her hot breath on her equally hot skin.

Raven felt like she was going to gag with how far she was taking it. The saliva build up alone surprised her but she didn't want to stop. She loved what this was doing to Lexa, her own body was on fire and her center was throbbing so hard it was making her mind spin. She gripped the girl's hip and tried to convey her want for the girl to start a steady thrusting motion.

Lexa's hips were already starting to rock, thrusting slightly into the girl's mouth. She decided to take a chance and continue egging her on. "Look at you, being a good girl for the Commander. You like this, huh? _Serving_ the Commander's needs?"

Raven dug her nails into Lexa's hip and the skin just above the line of the harness. She pulled off and took a deep breath before taking the whole length back into her mouth and starting to bob up and down. Lexa's words had her clit pulsing and made her want to take the last inch into her throat but the position wasn't exactly helping her with that.

Lexa pulled back and out of Raven's mouth, standing up off the bed. "Why don't you come _show_ me just how much you want to serve the commander."

Raven stayed where she was for a few seconds gulping in large breaths. When she finally say up she pulled a pillow with her, placing it on the floor in front of Lexa and knelt down on it. She looked back up through her lashes as Lexa, the smirk back in place. "Is this what you had in mind _Commander_?"

"Mm, it's a start. Like I said, _show_ me how happy you are to serve your commander." Lexa's hands threaded themselves into Raven's hair, ready to keep her head in place once her lips wrapped around the dildo.

Raven shifted around until she was comfortable and leaning more onto her good knee, both hands going back to where they were. She opened her mouth, tongue flattened but didn't move forward.

Lexa got the cue quickly and thrusted into her mouth, only bringing her down halfway before easing the rest of the way into her throat. Her hips started bucking again, the steady thrust beginning.

After gagging and choking a few times Raven relaxed her jaw enough to take the continuous assault on her mouth and throat. She started to push herself a little further with every few thrusts down. This was the position she had been used to for giving blowjobs. It didn't strain her neck and let her take it just that little bit further until her nose was fully pressed against the harness.

Once she could feel Raven's nose pressing against the strap, Lexa held her head there. Her own head was rolled back as she let out another moan. The buildup in her abdomen had just gotten her attention from the strap rubbing against her.

Raven held the girth in her throat as long as she could and then a few seconds longer before tapping the girl's hip. She could feel the drool leaking down her chin but didn't care.

Lexa didn't want to pull out but she did, keeping her hands in place on the back of Raven's head. She wasn't the one with the dildo down her throat but she was breathing just as heavy as if she was. Every movement now running straight to her core, threatening to send her over the edge.

Raven knew what this was doing to Lexa. She knew where the base sat and how it rubbed. Starting up again slowly, Raven slid back down the length and pulled off. She did this until she'd worked up a steady rhythm and until her lips hit the harness. Raven breathed out heavily through her nose then began bobbing up and down again. She was going to stay there doing this for as long as Lexa wanted.

" _Jok_...just like that..." Every bob turned into another spark until eventually the buildup in her abdomen exploded, sending waves upon waves crashing through her. Her hips bucked harder, trying to relieve the pressure, sending the dildo down Raven's throat again.

Raven tried to prepare for how hard Lexa would thrust forward if she came but it wasn't enough. It felt like the whole thing was being shoved down her throat but she wasn't going to pull away. Instead she gripped the girl's hips and held on.

Lexa bent over slightly from the force of her orgasm, but her hands tried pushing Raven's head down even farther. The waves continued relentlessly, coursing through her body.

Raven pushed Lexa back when she felt her chest struggling to pull in air. As soon as the dildo slipped from her mouth she pulled in gulp after gulp of air, not even bothering to wipe away the spit and drool she knew her chin and neck were covered in. "Would you consider that serving the Commander well?" Her voice came out as a raspy loud whisper from the way her throat had been used.

" _Very_." Lexa wad panting, still bent over slightly but with her hands on her knees. Once she had regained her breath she helped Raven up off the floor and back over to the bed, pulling the harness off before rejoining her.

Raven had the towel in her hand and was wiping her face and neck clean. She pulled the small container of water from the bedside table and took a long drink. When she was sufficiently satisfied she handed it to Lexa. "If that's something you're going to want more of I'm going to need you to use the smaller one..." Raven felt like she had swallowed sandpaper when she spoke, voice coming out gravely and low.

Lexa chuckled, pulling the girl in closer. "Maybe every once in a while for this one..."

Raven rested her head back on the bed and pulled in a few more calming breaths. "As long as it pulls the commander side out of you..." Raven squirmed a little with the ache still very present between her legs.

"You like that don't you..." Lexa glanced down, then back up to her face. "Do you need me to help take care of that?"

"You know I do." Raven left the single answer out there for Lexa to do as she pleased with.


	43. Chapter 43

Lexa pushed Raven so she was lying on her back and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. She trailed her lips down the girl's chest and abs, finally connecting her tongue with her target.

Raven laid back, her head next to the pillow. She couldn't help the flinch when Lexa's mouth connected with her center. She had been a little sorer than she admitted. "Just go easy, okay?"

"Of course." Lexa's tongue gently went to work, taking long, slow strokes up through the folds, gently flicking over the girl's clit.

Raven moaned out from the attention to her clit that had been throbbing pretty much since she had stepped in to her shower. Her hips shot up seeking more contact even though it felt like she was seconds away from falling over the edge. " _Fuck Lex_..."

Lexa's arm wrapped around Raven's hips to hold her against the bed while the other hand slowly slipped one finger inside the wet heat, testing to see how sensitive she was.

"Keep going…just keep fucking going." She felt that familiar churning in the pit of her stomach, that good sort of pounding pressure. "Another." Raven still felt sore but she couldn't stop wanting to have Lexa inside her, fucking her. Owning every part of her.

Lexa tentatively slipped another finger inside, her tongue flattening against the girl's clit as she began to slowly pump her fingers inside of her.

Raven started to grind down on Lexa's mouth and fingers. Her whole body felt like it was on fire again, the insistent thumping on her clit…constant pulsing in her core but she needed more. "Slow isn't going to work…I need you to just fuck me."

Lexa pulled off for only a moment, but let her fingers speed up. "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you if you're too sore..."

"Slow really isn't gonna do it-" Raven grumbled out. Everything felt good, great even but it just wasn't enough. "And I really want- no, need to cum."

"Alright, consider yourself warned." Lexa's lips dove back down, wrapping around Raven's clit and sucking hard while her tongue flicked over the bud. Her fingers picked up speed, curling inside her.

One hand gripped the sheets below them, the other held tight to Lexa's brown locks. The ache in her center was quickly being replaced by sensations she felt right before she fell over the edge. She felt her toes start to curl and her back arched. "Fuck that's amazing...I'm gonna cum now-"

Lexa scraped her teeth over the bud in her mouth before curling her fingers up against that spot that would send Raven hurdling over the edge.

Raven knew it was going to happen a split second too late. She tried to push Lexa's face away but…there is was. She felt her juices rush out, spraying all over Lexa's face and neck. The girls fingers had still been curling making her squirt a little bit more every time they hit that certain spot. The orgasm had felt so fucking good she couldn't even think about anything else.

Once she helped Raven ride out through the waves she sat up, one eye squinted shut, but chuckling. "Can I borrow that towel?"

Once again Raven found herself gasping for air. She had just enough brain power left to hold the towel out for Lexa and mutter a bunch or sorry's and thank you's.

After wiping her face off, Lexa laid back down next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her. She turned Raven on her side so she could pull the girl flush against her chest and place soft kisses on her neck.

"Do you have to leave tomorrow? Can't Polis be without you for a little longer?" Raven felt a hint of an ache starting in her chest again. She wasn't ready to commit to moving to Polis but she didn't want to be away from Lexa. Even more so now that she wasn't on good terms with Clarke.

"I wish, but we really need to go back. You don't know how badly I want to stay here with you though." Lexa nuzzled her face into the crook of Raven's neck, breathing in deeply. She could smell a hint of soap that was now covered up by sweat. She didn't want to move for fear that she would forget that scent.

Raven felt the wisps of exhaustion beginning to take over with the last of Lexa's words. "You don't have to worry about me fucking up again..." Her words were garbled and barely above a whisper. She was so far gone she didn't even know what she was saying. "And no more Clarke. I need to focus on you because..." Raven was knocked out before she finished her sentence.

Lexa smiled as she pressed another soft kiss onto Raven's cheek and pulled up the blankets around them, drifting off to sleep soon after her.

~~~

Anya laid back on the pillows of Clarke's bed, breathing harder than normal. She had managed to work up a thin sheet of sweat over her skin with how... _intense_ Clarke had been this time. More intense than usual, she thought. Turning onto her side, she glanced over at the blonde next to her.

Clarke panted and gulped in air trying to regain her mental faculties. Her body was covered in sweat and a sticky film. Her mind was still replaying the argument she'd had with Raven earlier that afternoon when Anya had walked into the small room. She knew it wasn't exactly the ideal circumstances for sex but she couldn't help herself. Over an hour and many bites and marks and orgasms and scratches later she finally crashed down to the bed beside the woman, breathing hard and aching from the inside out.

Noticing a blonde strand of hair sticking to the girl's forehead, Anya's hand reached up and moved it off to the side. "You ready to talk now?"

Clarke turned her head to peer up into the honey brown eyes. What could she say? What could she possibly say with those eyes looking down at her in a way that told her Anya already knew there was _something_ to be talked about. "I really don't know what to say."

"Just tell me how you feel then." Anya had known from the minute she had stepped foot in the room and saw the blonde sitting there that something was troubling her. From how out of breath they were currently, she knew it was about Raven.

"I don't think-" Clarke turned her gaze to a spot on the ceiling. "Maybe this isn't.. or we shouldn't.. this- us." She huffed loudly, not being able to get her jumbled thoughts out without stumbling ovet them.

"I may be good at interpreting thoughts Clarke, but I need cohesive sentences." Anya chuckled, wrapping an arm around the girl's waist.

"I don't even know what I'm saying." Clarke reached her hand up to trace the outline of Anya's jaw up to her brow, down her nose and along her lips. "I think I should return to Polis sooner rather than later."

"Are you not riding with us tomorrow?" Anya watched the girl, her arm pulling the blonde closer to her.

"As far as I know that wasn't the plan.”

"Alright. How much longer do you plan on staying?"

"Maybe you can make a case for me to leave as soon as possible." Clarke let her thumb continue to trace the still kiss swollen lips. She knew there were things she should have said. Things about what had happened with Raven but she just couldn't.

"I think I've already made that case." Anya gently kissed the thumb but then looked back to the girl. "Something is still wrong. Does it have anything to do with her?"

"Anya…" Clarke's head rolled to the side so she was looking away. "Yeah..."

"Would you like to talk about it? Maybe get it off your chest?"

"Nothing really to say. I've apparently done enough." Clarke turned her body into Anya's so she was curled into her, head tucked under her chin. "She wants me to stay away so…I'm sure Lexa will be thrilled too."

"But how do _you_ feel about all this?" Anya wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her in closer.

"I'm not sure how _I_ feel even matters now. Or at least when it comes to… _her_.”

"Maybe talking about it will help though. You know you can tell me anything."

"My feelings for her haven't changed since yesterday. This is all so...fucked up. I don't even understand why you're doing this." Clarke pressed her face into the blonde's neck, trying to not cry. She hated everything about how this was tearing her up inside but there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it.

"Why I'm doing what?" Anya gently rubbed Clarke's back, soothing the girl.

"This...here-" She shrugged her shoulders. "-with me…"

"Clarke I'm doing this because...because I love you. And I've already accepted that you love her more. And I'm just a second choice."

Clarke pulled away and was standing from the bed like it was on fire. "What?!" Clarke was stepping into her pants and tugging her shirt down over her head, bra and underwear not a priority. "I need some air…" Clarke grabbed her boots and left.

"Damnit..." Anya slammed her fist on the bed before quickly standing up and dressing, following Clarke out the door. "Clarke, please wait."

Clarke pushed her way out the main doors into the cool night air. She took a few deep calming breaths before walking over to the fire pit. There had been a few people still milling about but there was an empty makeshift bench far enough away so she could just sit by herself.

Anya followed out the same door, looking around before spotting Clarke on the bench and jogging over to her. "Clarke..."

"I don't think that this is going to work." Clarke stared into the small dying fire.

Anya sat down next to the girl, glancing over at her. "And why do you say that?"

Turning her head so their eyes met, Clarke opened her mouth and let the words spill out. "Because I know how this works...know what it feels like. I can't let you do that."

"Shh, Clarke. It's okay." Anya brought a hand up to cup her cheek, staring into the blue eyes in front of her. "I told you, I'm okay with it. I just want you to be happy, which I know is hard with this whole situation, but even if I can make you happy for a little while it's better than nothing."

"You can't possibly want this, Anya. You won't be happy like this."

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy. If this is the happiest you can be in this situation I'll take it. I meant what I said in there."

"I'm _not_ happy. I'm not even sure I know what that is anymore."

"Clarke...the only reason I would leave all of this is if I knew you were happier without it. And I know right now that is not the case. You want Raven and you can't have her. I know I'm a second option, and I'm okay with that."

"So you'd be okay if it was her on my mind when you fuck me? You're really trying to tell me that you are just perfectly fine with that?" Clarke returned her gaze to the crackling dying fire. She knew what she said was wrong and hurtful but the words still spilled out.

"I'm as fine as I could be in that situation." Anya shrugged, turning back to the fire herself before standing. "I'm going to bed. If you join me, that's your choice." She began walking back towards the door, not looking back at the fire.

"Wait! I’m sorry okay? I was out of line…" Clarke was up and blocking Anya from opening the door, hands lightly gripping her shoulders. "This day was just one shit thing after another. First I have Lexa coming to me to restitch her after she pulled or loosened them all. And it's not like I didn't know how especially after she questions _me_ about why I was near the garage- or should I say near _Raven_.

"Then I had to hear all about how Raven and Lexa fucked in the garage office and it was loud enough for people to hear. I go to see Raven to let her know what's being said and she accuses me of being jealous and let's not forget all the damage I did. The part about wanting me to stay the hell away from her…yeah that happened too." Clarke just stood there looking into Anya's eyes. Once she had started she couldn't stop talking and now she felt a mixture of relief and sadness wash over her.

"Clarke..." Anya looked at her, watching the emotions play over her face. "Sometimes things like this happen. Everything falls apart. You need to stand strong though, like I know you can. Sometimes the solution to these problems can come in an unexpected way.

"Like how? Letting you think you're just a second choice? You shouldn't ever want that. And I don't want you to feel like that with me." Clarke let her head drop back so she could glance up at the star-filled sky. "I do care about you…"

"I know you do. Let's just forget about the rest of it okay?" She reached up and cupped the blonde's cheek. Anya had another thought of how to rectify the problem, but she would need to talk with someone else about it.

"I wish you weren't leaving in the morning." Clarke leaned into the touch, wanting to feel it a little bit longer. "I'm going to stay out here by the fire for a little bit."

"Alright. Come join me when you're ready." Anya leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Clarke's cheek. "It will only be a few days."

Clarke walked around the fire and surrounding area for a few minutes until she realized she was wasting what little time she had left with Anya. Making her way back inside, Clarke had her shirt, boots and pants removed as her door shut behind her. "We both agreed on slow last night. Maybe we bring that to bed too?"

"I think that can be arranged..." Anya sat up slightly, patting the space on the bed next to her.

Clarke climbed onto the bed, her eyes scanning every inch of the woman's face. She leaned forward until their lips were a breath apart. "Nice and slow..?"

"Nice and slow." Anya closed the gap between their faces with a slow, soft kiss. Her hand cupped Clarke's cheek, thumb brushing over her cheekbone.


	44. Chapter 44

"This isn't funny anymore, Lex!" Raven panted and growled out. The muscles in her thighs and abs were shaking from the lack release. Again. Raven moved her hands from the mess of sleep-tangled hair down to her own core. "If you're not gonna finish me off..."

"Shh, _ai hodnes_. Your words speak differently from what your body is telling me." Lexa had been going on like this for quite a while now, her mouth and tongue stimulating the girl's bud while two fingers curled inside her. Every time Raven got close to her orgasm, Lexa would pull away immediately, her mouth caressing the girl's thigh or abs.

"I'm pretty sure my _body_ is telling you I need to cum…Christ let me cum already." Raven ran her fingers back up into the messy locks, trying to tug Lexa's head back to where she needed it. Her mind started out in a sleepy fog and was no less foggy after having her orgasm denied again and again.

"Mm, I guess I could."

Raven groaned with the pounding and throbbing that was happening all throughout her body. Everything felt like it was raw and on fire. She loved the way Lexa was winding her up. Working her over. Touching the right spots. But she hated the way Lexa was keeping her on the edge. Taking her _to_ the edge and then pulling her back just enough so she wouldn't fall over. It had her mind in a frenzy of want and need and begging. "Please Lex. _Please_ … "

Lexa's mouth and fingers went back to work, harder and faster than they had before. She wanted to push Raven over the edge fast and hard, giving her something to remember her by while she was in Polis.

Raven had been expecting Lexa to stop or slow down or pull away. When she didn't and the orgasm crashed down on her it took her by surprise. Raven's back arched up off the bed, eyes slamming shut and toes curling. Her lungs didn't have nearly enough oxygen to let her cry out, instead she whimpered and moaned and begged some more.

Lexa continued her motions until she could feel the last waves before pulling back out and kissing her way up to Raven's mouth.

When her orgasm finally faded and her back dropped down to the bed, Raven was still trying to clear the fog from her head. She felt Lexa's lips pressing against her own, mouth slipping open so she could lick away some of her own juices. "Promise me you'll wake me up like that again Lex."

"Next time we find ourselves sleeping next to each other."

"Lex..." Raven brought her hands up to the girl's face, the tips of her fingers tracing brows and cheeks. "I just need a little time, okay?"

"I told you, take as long as you need." Lexa kissed the girl's cheek, rolling onto her side next to her.

Raven immediately missed the weight of Lexa on top of her. It was just one of those things that she loved but didn't have any specific reason for. "I think there's still enough time for…" Raven shifted so she was stretched out on her side pressing kisses down Lexa's neck. She swirled her tongue over the dips and swells, her fingers dropping down to pinch and roll a hardening bud. "…for more of this..."

"I really should get going but...Anya will forgive me..." Lexa rolled them back over, straddling Raven's hips and pressing kisses to her shoulder.

Raven slipped a hand between them, her fingers finding the bundle of nerves without a problem. Her other hand still hand still kneading and toying with the now rock hard nipple. "Would it even matter if she doesn't?"

"Nope. I'm in charge." Lexa smirked, biting her lip at the touch.

"Right…you're in charge..." Raven's fingers started up a slow circling around the girl's clit, avoiding full contact. She let her nails drag and bite into the skin of Lexa's chest as she traded off to the other nipple. "Tell me more about that…"

"More? What more is there? _Ai laik Heda_." Lexa nipped at the skin a bit harder, stifling a moan that rose in her chest.

Raven pulled her hand away from the girl’s chest and dragged her nails up to the nape of Lexa's neck leaving a line of angry looking red marks. At the same time she was making tighter, harder circles over her clit. "Mmm you are Heda. _My_ Heda."

"All yours, _ai hodnes_." Lexa couldn't stifle the moan this time as she approached the edge faster and faster.

Pulling her hand out from between their bodies, Raven pushed Lexa until she was laid out on her back, head at the foot of the bed. Moving as quickly as her sex fatigued body would allow, Raven positioned herself between the girls legs. Three fingers pushing a little rougher than she'd been, into the dripping entrance. "Mine!" Raven growled out before flicking her tongue out over her clit.

" _Sha_..." Lexa's hands tangled in the girl's hair, pulling her face in closer, grinding down on her.

Raven started up a fast pace with her fingers, thrusting in and out but avoiding that spot along the front wall. She wrapped her lips around Lexa's clit drawing lazy circled around the stiff bud. Her free hand scraping back up the girl's body to leave more red marks and welts, pressing hard enough to break the skin in some places. Raven couldn't help the need to mar Lexa's skin, marking her and claiming her.

Lexa's head rolled back against the bed, one hand still tangled in Raven's hair while her other arm was draped over her eyes. Edging Raven for so long had turned her on more than she knew, and Raven purposely avoiding that spot inside her was driving her crazy. Her hips bucked, looking for some sort of relief.

Moving her hand back down, Raven pressed Lexa's hips firmly against the bed. Popping off of her clit, she licked out over and through the folds savoring the taste. Every few thrusts Raven would let her fingers graze the warrior’s front wall but not hard enough to give her what she wanted.

"Raven..." Lexa groaned, the feeling building.

"Hmm?" She let the sound rumble out, her lips and tongue still moving through the folds.

"Please..."

Raven let the sound of Lexa's voice saying please wash over her. She took the straining bud between her lips again, sucking and letting her teeth glide over the tip. Her fingers slowed and curled, pressing into that spot without letting up.

Lexa could have sworn she saw stars behind her eyelids as her back arched off the bed. Clenching around Raven's fingers, she cried out in silent screams.

Raven kept her fingers curling and pumping in and out slowly. She pulled her mouth away kissing and nipping at the flesh of Lexa's abs and chest and neck as she made her way up her body. "One more for me Lex..." Raven whispered into Lexa's ear as she pressed her thumb down onto her clit, fingers still curling.

Lexa nodded, swallowing thickly as she felt the next wave crash over her.

Raven pulled Lexa's earlobe between her teeth then let it fall from her grasp. "Tell me..." Raven lifted her thumb and inched her fingers from the dripping wet heat. "Tell me you love me…" Raven dropped her forehead down so it rested on the girl's shoulder.

"No matter what language I say it in...it cannot compare to how much I do love you." Lexa kissed along the side of her face, arms wrapping around her. " _Ai hod yu in_...I love you more than anything."

"Even though I hurt you?" Raven's voice was soft and barely audible. Her breathing getting harder from the effort of trying not to cry. She hadn't thought about Clarke until that moment but there she was...in Lexa's arms in the verge of tears because of her.

Lexa only nodded, kissing her softly. She knew exactly what Raven was thinking and how it would only cause her more pain. Lexa wanted to take away the pain, take all of it away.

Raven pulled herself from Lexa's arms and stood from the bed. She swallowed down the tears before moving around the small space gathering clean clothes.

Lexa stood, grabbing her clothes and dressing quickly before wrapping her arms around the girl's waist. "I wish I didn't have to leave."

Raven leaned into the embrace. She had just pulled her pants up and was buttoning them when she felt Lexa's arms. "You're the Commander. You don't _have_ to do anything you don't want to."

"But Polis needs me." Lexa kissed her neck, inhaling the scent as if she was trying to implant it in her head. "I promise, the moment I'm in Polis I will radio you."

Raven turned in Lexa's arms, wrapping her own around the girl. "I want to be selfish and unfair and tell you that _I_ need you. But I won't."

"I know you do, but I also know how strong you are. I plan on returning in three months, if not sooner..." Lexa wanted to be selfish too. She wanted to forget about everything else and stay here, stay wrapped in these arms and not move.

"Three months?" Raven near shrieked. She took a large step back feeling the panic starting to rise, eyes growing wide with shock.

"At most. In reality I hope to be back here in only a month." Lexa's eyes scanned the girl's face, watching carefully.

Raven shook her head, her hand came up to put space between them. "I can't- Lex I can't do that...it's too much..."

"Raven, I can't just ride back here whenever I please. Polis _needs_ me. I have 12 other clans as well that need me. I _want_ to stay here, I _want_ to keep coming back, but I have a job to do first."

"I didn't ask you to do that!" Raven grabbed up her brace then opened her door. "I don't want to argue with you about this before you're even gone." She stepped into the hall and mostly limped away.

"Raven, wait!" Lexa chased after her into the hall, grabbing her by the arm once she had caught up.

"Just go find Anya okay?" Raven did everything she could to hold back her tears, from swallowing hard to biting the inside of her lower lip.

"Please...I don't want this goodbye to hurt like the last did." Lexa looked her straight in the eye, hoping to change the tone of the situation.

Raven knew she couldn't stop the hurt from flashing in her eyes but she tried to look away before Lexa noticed it. "I told Abby I'd go see her this morning. I'll meet back up with you before you have to go."

"No." Lexa held onto her arm, noticing the pain in Raven's expression. "I'm not going to have us say goodbye like this again."

Raven let out a long heavy breath. "I wasn't saying goodbye, Lex. I'm just going to see Abby okay? I'll meet you outside after- ooh…have to do this now don't I?"

"Unfortunately yes. We can converse outside but...not in the way we need to."

"Right...okay." Raven walked Lexa backwards until her back was against the wall. She pressed her forehead to Lexa's, hands raising to hold tight to her waist. "Promise me you'll be careful."

"I promise. Promise me you'll keep in touch? I know the only radio you have right now is in the garage, but...still." Lexa pulled the girl closer, arms wrapping around her.

"Of course..." Raven ran the tips of her fingers all over one side of Lexa's face. Mapping out all the curves and edges and softness of her lips and heat of her skin.

"I'll come back as soon as I can...in the meantime, please still consider my offer." Lexa buried her face into Raven's neck, breathing in the scent, wanting to keep its memory forever in her brain.

Raven gave a slight shake of her head not wanting Lexa to move away. "Just take care of what you have to."

Lexa nodded, pressing harder against the girl. At this point, she didn't care what would happen if she stayed. She didn't want to leave. Ever.

"Are you sure-" Raven pulled Lexa's head back and pressed kiss after kiss to her lips. "you have to leave?"

"I don't want to, but I have to." Lexa pressed back into each kiss, savoring every moment their skin touched.

Raven pressed one more lingering and heated kiss to Lexa's lips. She licked out over her lips and bit and tasted as much as she could. Her hands roamed the girl’s sides over the material of her shirt, only making her insides ache to be touching the bare skin again.

Lexa moaned slightly into the kiss, pulling the girl against her. She didn't care if she was a bit late, she needed every second she could get with her.

Finally and begrudgingly, Raven pulled herself away from Lexa's lips only to press their foreheads together again. Her hands gripped into the material as she fought with herself, not knowing if she wanted to hold on for just a little longer or push away and get it over with. "Lex…you have to..."

"I know...I know." Green eyes looked into brown, hoping to convey just how much she wanted to stay here though she couldn't. With a sigh, she gently pushed herself off the wall, separating the two bodies.

Raven took an uneasy step back, leaned down to pick up her brace, turned and started to walk away. She hadn't made it 4 or 5 steps before she stopped. Raven cocked her head to the side but not enough to see the girl. "Lex…I love you." Without waiting for a response or reply Raven took off again towards the medical bay.

"Raven!" Lexa ran down enough of the hall so that she thought the girl would be able to hear her too. "I love you too."

Lexa watched Raven walk away before she turned, hesitating a moment. She walked the opposite way around the bend, planning on finding Anya so they could prepare to leave.

Clarke stood with her shoulder leaning against the wall just beyond the bend. She blew out a long slow breath that had her cheeks puffed. When Lexa had finally appeared she pushed off the wall and made to stand in the center.

Lexa stopped when she saw the blonde. "Clarke..."

"I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. My mom sent me to get Raven...she was late…" Clarke shifted from one foot to the other, "And she wanted me to check your stitches."

"No, it's alright. That's smart...here, let's head to my room so I can get ready too." Lexa motioned down the hall to where her room was supposed to be.

Clarke fell in step beside the Commander as they passed through the halls. She turned her head a few times to attempt small talk but couldn't find anything to say. She hadn't wanted to be doing this in the first place but seeing how far they had fallen away from each other did add to the sadness she was already feeling.

Lexa opened the door, waiting for Clarke to step in. "So how much longer are you planning on staying in Arkadia?"

"A couple days at most." Clarke stood waiting for Lexa to open her coat and lift her shirt knowing it would be inappropriate to just reach out and do it herself.

Lexa took the coat off completely before lifting her shirt, glancing down at the bandage. "Make sure you take a few of the men left here with you, just in case..."

"I have Kress. He is enough." Clarke knelt in front of the girl, her fingers brushing over the bullet wound scar before she even realized it. Pulling away quickly, Clarke lifted away the bandage and gave the sutures a once over making sure they were all still tight and there was no swelling. Once she was happy with how it was healing she pressed the wrap back over the area and stood. "You'll have your healers look it at when you get back to Polis?"

"Of course. They'll take care of it until you return. Be careful Clarke, alright?" Lexa readjusted her shirt and pulled her jacket back on.

"Look- Raven…she deserves more than some hidden away hushed goodbye. Inside these walls, nobody looks at love as a weakness. Quite the opposite in fact." Clarke took the few steps back to the door, hand on handle.

Lexa looked down at the floor in front of her. "I wish it was easier. I wish none of this had to be hidden in the first place."

"It wouldn't be surprised if damn near everyone here knew anyway after your..." Clarke swallowed the acid that rose in her throat just from the thought of it. "I think you'd be making a mistake."

Lexa looked up, nodding. "You're right. Thank you Clarke." She walked up, holding out her arm towards the blonde.

Clarke grasped the arm offered to her for a moment. When she felt like her nerves were starting to fray she let go. Opening the door, Clarke gave a quick nod then walked out letting the door close behind her.

Lexa gathered the rest of her things before leaving the room and heading outside.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, had to repost this chapter because I forgot to include some lines.

Clarke walked from the open bay garage doors to where Anya was, a small pack filled with some fresh food and an extra skin filled with water. She stopped to fit the pack into the saddlebag then moved around the horse so she was right next to the woman. She had tried to feign sorrow for keeping Anya up all night but abandoned that thought with a smirk.

Anya smiled when she saw the blonde, though her eyes were tired from the previous night. She reached up and cupped her cheek. "Only a couple of days. Then I will have to get back at you for last night."

Clarke leaned into the touch, her eyes somewhere between happy and sad. "Still trying to act as though you didn't enjoy every single second of it?"

"I never said I didn't. I only said I will pay you back." Anya's other arm wrapped around Clarke waist, pulling her in closer.

Clarke couldn't help the smile that spread across her face and reaching up to her eyes. "Pay backs…" She leaned in a pecked Anya's lips. "Be careful, you know Echo is still waiting..."

"You too. At least Heda and I have a large group heading back. Please take a group of men with you, just in case." Anya pressed her forehead against Clarke's, holding them in place for one moment.

Clarke kept dipping in and pressing kisses to Anya's nose and cheeks and lips then returning her forehead to rest against the woman's. "I have Kress and I trust he'll gather a few of the men."

"Alright...just please be careful." Anya took the blonde's hand in her own and squeezed it gently, then took a step back.

Clarke caught movement out of the corner of her eye, spotting Raven walking towards the group with a few things in her hands. "There is a tracker in that bag I just packed for you. If it stops moving for longer than I'm comfortable with and you haven't radioed in…I'm coming to find you. The Commander should have a radio for you."

Raven walked out of the open bay doors carrying two radios. She spotted Clarke and Anya in an intimate embrace and instantly felt jealous. Then she felt ashamed because she wasn't _just_ jealous that she couldn't have that with Lexa but also because she still hadn't been able to rid her thoughts of Clarke.

Anya nodded. "Alright. We'll radio in once we're back in Polis as well." She moved to mount her horse, watching as Lexa walked up to her own horse.

Once she had loaded the rest of her stuff on her horse, Lexa turned and saw Raven standing nearby. Remembering Clarke's advice, she walked over to where she was standing.

Raven held out both radios, her eyes roaming every inch of Lexa's body and face except for her eyes. She could not make herself look up into those green eyes that she was already aching for. "They're all tuned in...so remember to hold that button on the side this time, okay?"

"Of course." Lexa took them and tucked them into the small bag she was holding. She looked back at Raven, scanning her face quickly, before pulling her into a crushing hug.

Raven let out a small whimper while wrapping her arms around the girl. She pressed her face into the crook of Lexa's neck and just held on knowing this wouldn't last nearly long enough but still she was happy to have it nonetheless. "You have two weeks to make sure you really want me in Polis with you." She whispered just loud enough for Lexa to hear.

"I don't need two weeks. I don't even need a second. I want you there...I _need_ you there" Lexa's whisper was just as soft as she pressed a soft kiss to the side of Raven's head.

"Okay…" Raven made to take a step back knowing Lexa was probably about to do the same thing. "Check in so I know safe and not..." Raven turned her brown eyes up so they met the green set. She could have stared into them all day- she wanted to stare into them all day. That would have meant Lexa would have stayed with her.

"Of course. You'll hear from me as soon as I am in Polis." Lexa reached out to grab her hand, squeezing it gently before letting go and walking back over to her horse.

Raven watched for a moment as Lexa climbed onto her horse until it was just too much. She was still anxious about the length of time it would be until she saw the girl again but having Lexa acknowledge her eased her fears. Until she saw Clarke walking away from the group of grounders and heading right for her.

Lexa saw Clarke walk over as Anya rode up beside her, waiting for her to lead them out of the gates.

Raven looked from Clarke's blues to Lexa's greens that she could still see even though she was a few yards away. She knew Clarke was probably trying to comfort her but she couldn't risk it. She just couldn't let Lexa worry about anything happening between them before she had even left. Raven snapped out of head and took off walking towards the rear of the camp.

Lexa looked away and back toward Anya, clenching her jaw and nodding. She began to lead the group up to the gates where Kane and some others were waiting.

Clarke let out a light huff as she watched Raven moving away from her. "Raven..." Clarke gritted out between semi clenched teeth and made to followed after the girl before she realized how it would look. Instead she veered back towards the doors and disappeared inside.

Lexa watched from afar, considering going to talk to them. She decided against it, letting them cool off and figure it out on their own. She turned back toward the gate, nodding to let the guards know to open it.

Raven paused when she heard Clarke calling for her but didn't stop until she heard the blonde retreating. Once she was sure Clarke was gone, Raven turned around to take one last look at the girl who made her heart flutter…even then while she was leaving.

Lexa turned as she waited at the gate, making eye contact with Raven one last time. She mouthed "soon" to her before turning back to the now-opened gate and riding out with the rest of the group.

~

Anya glanced at the younger warrior a few times while they put distance between themselves and the Arkadia gates. Their horses clomped along side-by-side down the grassy trail, with a few guards off in front and hanging back behind them. "You're worried."

"A little." Lexa kept her eyes forward, watching the trail in front of them. She didn't want to be caught in her own thoughts if something were to happen on the path.

"About what, exactly?" Anya scanned the area quickly then returned her gaze to the trail in front of them, glancing over at Lexa every so often.

"I don't know. Leaving? The two of them?" Lexa shrugged, glancing over at the warrior.

"You cannot change what is already done, Lexa."

"I know. Doesn't make this any easier."

"I do think that they will always be drawn to each other..." Anya let her eyes hold Lexa's as she spoke. "I can't fault either one of them for that."

"Neither can I. I don't think we will have to worry about them running off for right now. I just wish they could resolve all this..." Lexa looked back ahead, seeing the branches and leaves covering the path from the struggle a few days ago.

"Maybe now that we are gone they will be able to." Anya's head snapped to the side when she heard a hint of rustling off in the woods. Her body relaxed when the crunching revealed itself to be just a wild boar in the wooded area.

"I hope so too. Preferably before the ambassador returns to Polis."

"Well Clarke is nothing if not persuasive."

"You can say that again." A small smile peeked its way through Lexa's usually steely facade.

"You would know." Anya let out a throaty chuckle to go along with Lexa's break in seriousness.

Lexa's smile only increased in size as the two of them took a minute to relax. "I would, wouldn't I? She's something special, you have to admit."

"Oh I readily admit, Heda." Anya cleared her throat and let out another light laugh. "I do not think I've had someone as...skilled as her before. But if I may…? I assume when she makes mention of ropes it doesn't mean the same thing we know it to be?"

If Lexa had been walking herself she would have stopped short. She let out a hearty laugh this time. "Trust me, if she mentions ropes, take her up on that offer. You will not regret it."

This has Anya's interest peaked to say the least. Clarke had been somewhat of a sensitive issue with the leader of the Grounders since their split and even more so in the last few weeks but this reaction begged for more explanations. "I take it to be a pleasurable experience then?"

"You could say that. Skaikru has some...let's say _interesting_ ideas when it comes to pleasure." Lexa felt almost at ease talking like this. It made the trip somewhat easier.

"Interesting ideas that you clearly find to be quite pleasurable." The Adviser teased.

"I cannot deny that. Raven has, let's say...opened my eyes to it?" Lexa kicked her gently, the smile still spread across her face.

"I've heard." Anya nudged her back.

Lexa shook her head. She had to say, she missed times like this where she and Anya could converse normally, and not just about the clans.

"Makes me happy I didn't let you convince me to stay at the top of that ridiculous tower. I know it our beloved capitol but it is excessive."

"It can be a hassle getting up there but the view..." Lexa shrugged.

"I'm sure it's the view that has you spending all of your time in there." Anya shook her head with a smile. She was enjoying their light and easy banter.

"It is still nice, even if my eyes are looking at something else in the meantime."

~

Clarke made her way through the halls of the fallen ark station until she found herself a door away from where she knew Raven had gone off to. Opening the door, she took a silent step forward, her eyes finding the darker haired girl in the midst of hulled out vehicles and scrap mechanical parts and machines.

Raven had been bent over the picked through and nearly empty engine cavity of a vehicle they had found near the mountain before most of it had been destroyed. Feeling eyes on her, she stood up straight but didn't turn around. She knew who it was without even needing to see her.

Clarke walked over to her, eyeing the vehicle. "Hey..."

"Why-" Raven ran her hand over her forehead and down the side of her face not realizing she left dirt and grease smeared all over.

"I just wanted to check in on you...wait, you have something on your face." Clarke reached up to wipe what she could off of the girl's cheek.

For a split second Raven leaned into the touch. She tried to tell herself it was okay, they were always like that and there wasn't any reason it would have to stop. But she couldn't trust herself. Raven wanted it to be okay but that would mean ignoring the way her knees felt weak. "Don't.." She moved her head away and swiped at her face making it worse.

"Oh...sorry, I just..." Clarke cleared her throat. She had thought maybe, since Lexa left, they wouldn't be as tense. "How are you holding up?"

"Clarke-" The way her name tasted on her tongue, sweet and salty and sour and she wanted to say it again just to hear it. "I need you to stay away." Raven looked everywhere but at Clarke. "Especially now." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down as hard as she could. She hadn't meant to but she took a small step closer to the blonde.

"As much as we both want that, I don't think I could if I tried." Clarke didn't move, even as Raven did. She remembered her exchange with Lexa and knew that she had to stay away, even if her head was screaming at her. She clenched her fists, trying to prevent herself from wrapping the girl up in her arms and soothing her.

Raven moved forward until there was three, maybe four inches between them. She felt the girl’s breath on her lips, saw the way her blue eyes were boring down into her own brown eyes. "You think I want this? It's taking everything I have to not kiss you." Raven felt like her heart was beating loud enough for Clarke to hear and her fingertips buzzed from how much she wanted to just touch her and have it be okay.

"I know. Me too." Raven was too close. Clarke was struggling at this point not to pull the girl against her-or better yet, push her against empty body of the vehicle and take away the breath that was tickling her lips.

“I don't think I could live with myself..." Raven tried so hard not to look down at Clarke's lips but she it happened anyway.

"Shh." If Lexa hadn't held the knife to her throat. If Lexa hadn't confronted her. If it wasn't for Lexa...she would've taken Raven this very moment, taken her away from all this. But Lexa still sat there in the back of her head.

"I don't know what's harder. Being near you or being away from you, Clarke."

Clarke nodded. "I know we both want it, but we can't. At the same time, I can't keep myself away."

Every word Clarke spoke caused her hot breath to rush out over Raven's lips and neck. It was affecting her so much that her own breathing was heavy, chest rising and falling with the extra effort.

Clarke had noticed the change in the girl's body language and she tried to ignore it. "Raven..."

Raven just stood there. Her eyes bouncing between cracked lips that she knew were softer than they appears and blue eyes that told tales that most people could never understand.

Clarke shook her head. "I'm sorry..." There were so many things she was sorry for that were too hard to explain.

"I need you to go." Raven whispered, eyes now glued to her lips.

"I know I should..." Clarke was still rooted to the spot, even though she was willing herself to move.

Raven licked out over her dry lips trying to restore a little bit of their moisture. Her eyes still fixed on the ones in front of her.

"I can't...I need us to be okay. I can't do this radio silence and avoid you. It's killing me." Clarke was pushing down every thought in her mind. She didn't say what she truly wanted to but she couldn't say it.

"What the hell do you want from me Clarke? Tell me what other option there is? Because Lexa _just_ left and here we are again." Raven kept praying for the strength not to act on her wants, telling herself she had to put Lexa first.

"I want us to be friends. Christ, there is no one else here that I can go to like I can with you! I _need_ that. I think we can put everything else aside and just do that for now."

"And what if I can't?" Raven took a few steps back putting much needed space between them.

"I...I don't think I could do it if you couldn't."

"I don't know how to just be your friend anymore. I want more than that from you yet…I'm the one who can't give you more." Raven walked back over to the vehicle she had her head in before Clarke approached, back to the girl.

"I can't give you more either. We're both stuck here." Clarke watched Raven carefully.

"How long are you staying for...here in, uh, in Arkadia?" Raven ran her fingers along the side of the car as she walked around it, her back still to Clarke.

"Two more days before I ride back to Polis."

"Why are you pushing this if it's just two days?"

"Because I don't want to go back to Polis knowing that you're still pushing me away."

"Either way...this hurts." Raven turned just enough so she was leaning with her back against the side of the car, head laid back on the roof.

"It does. I hope it doesn't by the time I leave."

"I need some time Clarke." Raven let her head fall to the side so she could look into blue eyes again. "I have to figure out how to get over you."

"I understand. But can we at least start talking again? I need someone."

"Clearly you don't understand…" Raven straightened out her head so she was looking up at the early afternoon sky. "So what…What is it you want to talk about?"

"I came to make sure you were okay, with Lexa leaving..." Saying the name made the bile rise in her throat again.

Raven felt a tear slip down her dirt and grease smeared cheek at the mention of Lexa. Taking in a long uneven breath, Raven found her voice cracking with her first attempt to answer to blonde. After clearing her throat a few times she tried again. "I don't know what or if I'm okay…Are you?" Raven forced herself to look over at Clarke. "Okay...?"

"I'm okay. It's you I'm worried about." Clarke wanted to reach out and wipe the tear from her cheek, but she couldn't.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm not gonna run off and fuck some random person."

"I'm not-I didn't mean..." Clarke sighed. "Fine. I'm leaving. I'm trying here Raven, even if you aren't."

"No you're not!" Raven pushed off the car taking two steps towards Clarke but not close enough to touch. "I told you I needed some time yet _you_ insisted _you_ needed someone." Raven knew she was being unfair but the words came out anyway.

"You think it isn't as hard for me to get over you? I need to stay away, but I need my best friend too." Clarke shook her head. "Here, I'll give you time and space. I leave in two days. If you say goodbye, that's your choice." She turned and started heading for the hallway.

Raven reached out and grabbed Clarke's wrist, yanking her back. The jolt from touching her made Raven pull back like she'd been slapped.

Clarke turned, watching the girl. "What Raven?"

"Stay."

Clarke's face immediately softened at the word. "Okay...yeah. I'll stay."

Raven nerves were so raw and frayed from everything that happened so far and it was barely into the afternoon. She swiped her dirty hands over her face leaving more grime behind than she took away. "Any clues as to how we do this?"

"I guess the best thing to do would be to talk." Clarke shrugged. She truly didn't expect Raven to be this willing to compromise this early.

Raven shifted from one foot to the other, the brace digging into her calf more than she was used to. The stress of the last few days wasn't helping with the pain that only seemed to be getting worse. Raven opened then closed her mouth several times, unsure of what to say.

"Do you wanna talk here or...?” Clarke saw her shift and knew that she was uncomfortable.

"Where…wherever you want." Raven shrugged. The situation was making her more and more uncomfortable but she was feeling selfish. She couldn't help but want to be as close to Clarke as she could for as long as she could. Even if it was going to hurt ten times more later.

"Do you want to sit at least? I saw you shift around a bit."

"Sure..." Raven's gaze roamed every inch of Clarke's face from her eyes to her lips. The second she started to relax, her eyes wandered further south settling on the swell of Clarke's chest. The girl's low cut shirt allowing Raven a generous view.

"Come on, we can go grab lunch too." Clarke nodded toward the door, waiting for Raven to move.

Raven's eyes widened and flew back up to meet the blue pair. She was hoping Clarke hadn't noticed…mostly. "Right. Lead the way."


	46. Chapter 46

Clarke headed inside and into the hall, walking slowly to keep the pace for Raven.

Raven's eyes roamed down the length of Clarke's backside and back up again. She knew how wrong it was. She knew none of this was going to help in the long run but she kept telling herself there was no harm no foul. She could look as long as she didn't touch. Once Clarke passed through the doors Raven followed in behind her and fell in step just slightly slower.

Clarke walked to the cafeteria, waiting for Raven to catch up. "Food and then sit?"

"I was thinking we could sit and then food." Raven quipped as she walked into the cafeteria. Being close to Clarke still had Raven on edge but being away from her wasn't a thought she wanted to think about either.

"Alright pick somewhere then. I'll follow."

Raven stopped short and looked at the blonde. "Clarke? Food first...or are we going to just sit in here and _watch_ people eat?"

"I just-" Clarke stopped and rolled her eyes. "Alright smartass, let's get food."

Raven let out an honest and true bark of laughter and it felt good. The tense exchange that happened a little earlier wasn't forgotten but this did give her a tiny bit of hope. "Or I can sit and you can serve me."

"What would you like?" Clarke shook her head, her signature smirk returning to her face.

"You."

Clarke stopped for a minute, her eyes going wide.

"You tied to my bed."

"Raven please..."

Raven was doing everything she could to keep a straight face. "What?"

Clarke had to turn around. Maybe Raven had been joking, but Clarke's heavy breathing, heart-pounding, and lip-biting told Clarke exactly how much she wanted those words to be true.

Raven watched as Clarke's body language changed. Even from the back she could see her heavy breathing. She raised her hand to Clarke's shoulder but pulled back just as quickly. Raven felt like she had been shocked again, just from the slightest touch.

"What do you want to eat?" Clarke didn't turn, not even when she felt the touch of Raven's hand on her shoulder.

"Whatever you're having is fine with me." Raven mumbled out as she walked off to sit at an empty table. For the briefest of seconds she thought about just getting up and leaving. She knew her comments weren't exactly appropriate and she knew it might just make things worse.

Clarke walked over and got them their food before sitting down across from Raven. "I'm sorry..."

Raven kept her eyes downcast, choosing to stare at her food instead. "For...?"

"Reacting like that. I should have realized you were joking...this is why we have to talk." Clarke pushed the food around, her stomach no longer hungry.

"I wasn't…I mean I _was_ but-" Raven stabbed at her food but didn't make any attempts to eat. "Okay…talk."

"We need to figure something out. Some way to act civil enough that we can chat normally without wanting to fuck each other's brains out."

Raven closed her eyes and let herself recall the way Clarke had been so soft and gentle with her even though she asked for rough and hard. Not one single part of it resembled them fucking each other's brains out. "You really believe that that's going to happen?"

"I hope so..."

Raven had swallowed down a few forkfuls of her food and finished off her drink before she look back up at Clarke. "We've never _chatted_ normally Clarke."

"Well then whatever we did before...I want that back.”

"Sometimes I'm positive you know me better than anyone does or ever could..." Raven had reached across the small table to drum her fingers over the back of Clarke's hand. Her intention wasn't to keep her hand there but she did. Absentmindedly running her fingers over the girl’s knuckles as she spoke. "But then you say something like that and it's like you don't know me at all."

"Raven..." Clarke kept her hand there on the table.

Raven shrugged again. "What's a little harmless, intense…" Raven struggled to swallow down the lump that was forming in her throat. "…fervent attraction between friends?"

"Enough that it can tear apart their separate relationships."

Raven's fingers stilled but didn't move away. "Maybe that has to be why this doesn't work."

"We need to do something though."

"No _you_ need to do something Clarke…I've been dealing with this since I crash landed."

"I wish I had known back then. If I did...we would have never been in this situation. To be honest...I have no clue what to do now."

"Suffer." Raven pulled her hand back, the loss of contact bringing her back to reality.

"I guess..." Clarke stared at the spot where Raven's hand was.

"You had your chances but you didn't want to know. Seems like it was just easier to drunkenly kiss me and then act like it never happened..." Raven stood and gathered up her tray.

"Raven please. I..." Clarke didn't know what to say.

"Yeah..." Raven carried her tray over and dumped everything where it belonged.

Clarke sat there, hands clenched. She knew this would be tough, but she had to find some way to break through it.

"I'm not complaining Clarke." Raven had walked back to the table, tucking a few stray blonde waves behind the girl’s ear. Even this little bit of contact make Raven's pulse quicken. "Just leaves a lot of what-ifs. Too many.”

"Way too many." Clarke turned her attention back to her tray, planning on getting up and throwing it out.

"I should probably get back to what I was doing..." Raven headed back out to where she had been before Clarke found her.

"Wait, Raven." Clarke quickly got up and threw out her trash before following Raven back outside.

Raven stopped short when she heard the door swing back open behind her. Turning slowly, Raven's eyes locked onto the pair of blues that were moving closer to her.

"So you just going to run away from me? We can't even stop and chat? Or talk while you work?" Clarke crossed her arms, watching the brunette in front of her.

"I didn't run away...I just…I have to- we can talk more. If you want..." Raven took a few awkward steps back until she was nearing the mass collection of vehicles.

"Nervous? Why? You scared of something?" Clarke followed her until Raven was pressed up against the rover and Clarke was a few inches away. She placed her hands on the rover on either side of Raven's hips.

Raven's eyes ping-ponged between Clarke's lips, eyes and generous amount of cleavage that was on display. "Not nervous, no. But this isn't exactly helping, Clarke." Her breathing increasing from how close the blonde was.

"I know of another way I could help. And this time I won't act like it didn't happen." Clarke smirked and leaned in close, her lips barely brushing against Raven's.

"It's easy to make promises when you’re trying to get into a girls pants." The shiver that went up and down Raven's spine had her gripping the surface at her back.

"Easy, yes. But it also helps you to keep those promises because of the wonderful memory attached onto it." Clarke noticed the shiver and brought her hands in, gripping Raven's hips and pulling the girl against her.

"We shouldn't..." The words may have come from her mouth but her eyes said something entirely different.

"Why? No one will know. There's no one around out here." Clarke leaned in closer, her breath dancing across Raven's lips as she breathed out the words and stared into those delicious brown eyes.

Raven licked out over her own lips and tilted her head just the slightest bit. She held the stare until her eyes needed to catch a glimpse of the lips she was now aching to feel on hers.

Clarke watched the girl's eyes flit down and then surged forward, her lips pressing against Raven's.

Raven couldn't hold back the approving whimper even if she wanted to. And she didn't. Her hands came up to grip at the fabric of Clarke's shirt just below her chest as she let her dominate the beginnings of the kiss.

Clarke's hips pushed against Raven's, pinning the girl against the rover as her lips pressed harder, parting and letting her tongue dart out and run along Raven's bottom lip.

Raven bit down on Clarke's tongue then sucked on the tip pulling it into her own mouth. Her hands inched up, itching to have them filled with the weight of Clarke's chest.

Clarke couldn't suppress the moan that rose in her chest and forced itself into Raven's mouth. Her hands moved around to cup Raven's ass, squeezing and pulling her even closer.

"Uh huh" Raven groaned into Clarke's mouth when she felt the hands squeezing her ass. It made her core start to throb and there was no doubt she was soaking through her boyshorts.

Clarke pulled away slightly, giving her enough room to talk. "Tell me you want me. Tell me Raven and we'll run away right now and forget about everyone else."

"Of course I want you..." Raven leaned forward chasing Clarke's lips.

Clarke brought her mouth back to Raven's, hungrily nipping at her bottom lip as her hips ground into the brunettes. She was ready to take the girl here, on the hood of the rover, outside where everyone could see.

Raven brought her hands up just a little bit more, her thumbs tracing a line up until they found the hardening peaks through the layered material.

Clarke could feel her eyes roll back as she moaned into Raven's mouth again. _God_ it felt good to be touched, especially by Raven's hands.

Raven moaned back into Clarke's mouth when her hands finally had those two glorious mounds in her hands. She couldn't resist cupping and squeezing them. " _Fuck_ I love your chest…"

"You touching them is _amazing_. Please don't stop." Clarke squeezed her ass again in response, urging her onward.

Raven moved her hands back down the front of the girl’s body so she could dip under her shirt. She brought them back up and squeezed again with only the material of Clarke's bra as a barrier.

"Fuck Raven, I need you. Please." Blue eyes, though half-lidded, gazed into Raven's pleading for more.

"Tell me what you need." Raven growled out and bit down on Clarke's bottom lip. She used the distraction to reverse their positions her hands still up under her shirt pinching at the stiff buds.

" _You_. I need _you_." Clarke leaned back, pulling her lip from between Raven's teeth as her chest thrust forward into her hands.

"I got you babe..." Raven trailed kisses down Clarke's neck, sucked at the skin as she went. Without warning she reached down to grab hold of her shirt and yanked it up so it say right above the swell of her breasts.

Clarke could only nod frantically, her eyes squeezed shut and senses sent into overdrive. They were doing this. _Fuck_ it felt so good.

Raven kissed her way back up to Clarke's lips, ghosting over them and licking lightly. She dipped into the worn and flimsy material that was her bra, fingertips sliding over hard peaks.

"Fuck Raven, please don't stop. Ever." One of Clarke's hands came up to Raven's neck, pulling the girl in for another heated kiss.

Raven pulled her mouth away but brought her lips in to brush the shell of the blonde’s ear. “I'm gonna make you cum here...around my fingers. After that I'm taking you back to my room so I can make you cum around my dick. Over and over and over again. On your back...on your knees...bent over my desk, riding me…" Raven pinched and rolled and tweaked Clarke's nipples to emphasize every position she described.

"God yes, please! You don't know how fucking long I've wanted this Raven." Clarke ground her hips against Raven's again, hoping that Raven would act on her words soon and get her out of her soaked panties.

Raven sucked and bit the spot under Clarke's ear, her tongue licking out to soothe the mark. She kept one hand playing with the at the girls chest, the other snaking its way down her body, over her pants and down between legs. Raven cupped the heated sex feeling just how wet she was.

"Please Raven, I need you to touch me..." Clarke was whining at this point, her hips bucking into the girl's hand.

"Clarke..." Raven starred into the darkened blown wide open eyes. "Clarke…?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED!


	47. Chapter 47

Lexa let out a low sigh, her mind replaying the night before and the way Raven was knelt down before her. It made her squirm a little in her saddle but she had to remind herself this might not be the best time to let her mind wander like this.

Anya had been alternating between scanning the forest to her left and watching the younger warrior next to her. They had been riding on silence for the better part of an hour but it hadn't been uncomfortable. She heard the light sigh, her eyes falling back to Lexa waiting to see if she was going to speak.

Lexa just kept her eyes on the path in front of her. She could feel the older warrior's eyes on her, but she didn't turn to face her. She shifted in the saddle again, determined to focus on the tasks ahead of her upon her return to Polis.

Anya turned her head so she looking at Lexa full on. Her mouth pulled into smirk as she debated how far she could push the Commander. "So Heda, I was wondering about something..."

"Hm?" Lexa finely turned her head, her eyes meeting Anya's as she anticipated what exactly she was going to ask.

"The harness- yes I know what they are. Many of our people, girls and women have a liking towards them…" Anya bit back a laugh as she saw the red rising up Lexa's neck.

"Again, are you implying something?" Lexa huffed, though she couldn't help the smile that broke through onto her face.

"I don't think there is any need to _imply_ anything. You were the one still in bed, but I was wondering one thing. About…Clarke."

Lexa looked back at her, confusion apparent on her face. "About the Ambassador?"

Anya nodded once. She was normally very confidant when it came to her sexual prowess but Clarke seemed very sure of herself as well. It tended to give her pause and left her wondering it there was more she could be doing. "Does she..? Like that I mean…"

Lexa still looked confused for a second before she realized what Anya was asking. She laughed, thinking back to her times with Clarke. "You mean _that_. Well, we did not have the harness, but we tried it once. Well, she did, I did not. She seemed to enjoy it, which seemed obvious as she had...well, you know."

The way Lexa had worded the last bit left Anya a little confused. "I know...? Oh right, Clarke having..." Anya trailed off not really wanting to think about that part.

"But for your question, if you were thinking about trying it, I would say she enjoys it. Very much so." Lexa smirked, her eyes turning back to the part in front of them.

"It has been asked of me before but never interested me. Although I can assume she will bring it up if she..." Anya squinted over at Lexa, her own grin firmly in place. "It was not so long ago that the mere mention of anything sexual in nature would have you blushing and rushing away."

"This is different. Not so long ago I was not...involved with anyone. The situation now is quite different from back then." Lexa could feel the blush begin to rise again, so she focused on the path ahead of them. It would not be long before they could see Polis.

"Yes. Now you fuck until you forget your own meetings." She couldn't help it, the bark of laughter that fell from her mouth had her leaned forward on her horse.

" _Shof op_. Apparently you and the Ambassador can't keep it in your pants either."

"And yet _I_ managed to be there. Early. As well as Clarke." Anya just could not help herself. She had been holding this in for days and it needed to come out. "And don't think I wasn't waiting for _you_ again today."

"Well, you will be seeing Clarke in two days. When is the next time I will see Raven?" Lexa looked over to her, waiting for her to answer.

"I recall you mentioning a more permanent arrangement for Raven in the Capital?" Anya righted herself in the saddle. She heard the tinge of sadness in Lexa's voice.

"She is still considering it, but until then who knows how long it will be until I can return to Arkadia to visit." Lexa glanced ahead, her jaw clenching at the thought.

"Once we have a better understanding of this situation with Echo you can do whatever you please. And if that would be to spend more time with the Skaikru and within their camp…You've brought us a long way in the past few months." Anya nudged her foot into the girls as they moved closer to the pathway that lead to the gates.

"Ah yes. Echo." Lexa grit her teeth at the name, the wound on her stomach still fresh. "Let us hope there is news by the time we arrive."

"There should be a group from every clan hunting for her. She cannot hide for long. We may be in a time of peace but you must bring her to justice, Heda." Anya felt the ease of their light banter slowly being replaced by the tension of what they were dealing with.

"I just hope those groups work quickly. The faster this whole situation is resolved the sooner everyone can relax." Lexa looked up as the gates came into view. One of the guards rode ahead to have the gate open by the time they reached it.

As they passed through the gates Anya noticed two things. The market was unusually busy for the time of day it was and the amount of guards that lined the roads. She had been sliding down from her horse a few feet from the stables waiting for Lexa to do the same.

Lexa had already dismounted and handed the reigns to one of the stable boys when she joined Anya. "Looks like they increased security like I asked."

Anya adjusted her armor then collected what she needed from the saddle bags. She hadn't taken three steps towards the tower before a folded piece of paper was handed to her from one her generals. He nodded to her and Lexa as he retreated. After she read it she folded it back up to hand over to the Commander. "Looks as though it was a very wise decision to spare King Roan's life."

Lexa unfolded the paper and read it quickly, a small smile popping up on her face. "A very wise decision indeed. Come." She handed the paper back to Anya before walking towards the tower.

Anya took the small bag and two radios from the boy who Lexa left her horse with. Following a few paces behind, Anya felt some of that tension easing again.

“I only looked quickly, did Roan say he would meet us in the throne room?" Lexa slowed enough that Anya could come up alongside her.

"Yes. I assume he is there now." Anya fell in place next to the girl. She knew what she had read but wouldn't fully relax until she saw it with her own eyes.

"Let us take the elevator up then." Lexa quickly stepped inside the tower and straight to the elevator, standing beside Anya as it rose.

"You know…you could go back if this true."

"You know I can't. Just because this is over doesn't mean the other clans don't need me for other disturbances."

"All things that I am more than capable of handling. All things I _have_ been handling."

"Still, I cannot abandon the rest of the coalition because of one person. She understands that." Once the elevator reached the floor, Lexa stepped out and walked into the throne room.

"So very stubborn." Anya said just loud enough for Lexa to hear as she moved in behind her.

Lexa walked around Roan and his guards and walked up to the throne, standing in front of it. "You have brought news of the fugitive, King Roan?"

Roan gave a respectful bow to both the Commander and her Adviser. "More than just news. This one didn't come easy either." He motioned for his guards to open the container holding the body.

Lexa saw the body as the guards opened it. She nodded to them, signaling for them to close the box. "You shall be rewarded for your efforts. You have just made the entire coalition much safer than before."

Anya stood to the side as the Azgeda Kind and guards left the room along with the box that was to be placed in the middle of the market and prepped for their traditional funeral pyre. Once they had all gone she held her hand out offering up one of the radios. "I'll leave you to it."

"Send word out to the other clans as well that the search is to be called off." Lexa took the radio and sat down on the throne, waiting a minute.

~

"Please Raven, I need you to touch me..." Clarke was whining at this point, her hips bucking into the girl's hand.

"Clarke…" Raven starred into the darkened blown wide open eyes. "Clarke..?

"Raven, please just fuck me already! I need your hands on me _now_." Clarke pulled the girl in closer, enough so that their bodies were touching again.

"Clarke?" Raven snapped her fingers in front of the blonde. She had called her name a few times while Clarke sat on the ground with her back resting against a hundred year old tire, zoned out.

Clarke's eyes blinked slowly, coming back into focus. She shook her head out before glancing up at Raven. "What...?"

Raven bent down, both knees resting atop Clarke's thighs. She reached up and tucked a few strands of blonde hair behind an ear, eyes looking a little worried. She was probably a little too close for both of their comfort but Clarke had worried her with the empty far out staring she had been doing for the last however long. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, uh...yeah...must've zoned out or something." Clarke chuckled nervously. _Shit_ , she had imagined the whole thing. Now Raven was actually on top of her and she could feel how soaked her panties were. She tried her best to keep her breathing steady.

"You feel a little warm. Maybe you should go see Abby." Raven's fingers had lingered a little longer than they should have.

"I'm fine. Probably from sitting out in the sun. Help me up though?"

Raven didn't move from her spot of kneeling off to one side, her knees probably pressing too heavily on top of Clarke. She wanted to stay there and knew she couldn't. She wanted to lean down and recommit those lips to memory again.

"Raven? Don't tell me you're daydreaming now too..." Clarke chuckled again. She hoped Raven would get up before she would make those fantasies come true.

"You were daydreaming about..?" Raven stumbled back and just barely managed to catch herself before falling on her ass. She took several steps back, needing the distance so she could shake the urges away. "We need boundaries..."

"It was nothing, don't worry about it." Clarke slowly stood up as she could see someone approaching them from the garage.

Raven was now stood with her back to Clarke. Every time she had tried to do or be or act as they had _before_ she only ended up battling with herself. "See that's the thing, Clarke. It's never going to be just _nothing_ between us ever again.”

"I know...we'll work on it okay?" Clarke looked again, seeing Sinclair jog over and calling out for Raven.

"Is it wrong that I want you to..daydream about me?" Raven stared Clarke in the eyes as the words came out. "I'll be right there!" She yelled out to Sinclair.

"I...I did." Clarke could feel the brown eyes penetrating into her as Raven never broke her gaze.

"I shouldn't have said that…it's unfair for me to keep doing this. You keep trying to figure this out and I keep-"

Clarke felt herself surge forward, planting her lips directly on Raven's. One hand slid up and gripped the back of her neck while the other wrapped itself around her waist.

Raven gave herself a full minute to have this. She opened her mouth and lashed her tongue out into Clarke's mouth. She let her hand slide up the side of Clarke's shirt and kneaded her fingers just under her breast. Raven held on and kissed Clarke back until she was dizzy and her heart was aching and she thought she would pass out. And then she was pulling away and taking in a few deep breaths.

"Fuck...god I shouldn't have- _fuck_!" Clarke ran her hands over her face, stumbling backwards until her back hit the rover. " _Shit_..."

"I know." Raven felt like her lips were on fire and her fingers tingled. She backed away slowly, her eyes clouding over as she went towards the garage.

Clarke turned around, her fist banging on the rover. She had done such a good job trying to work this out between them and now, thanks to her, they were right back at square one.

~

Raven knew exactly why Sinclair had been calling for her. She had calculated the amount of time it would take the group to ride back to Polis barring any mishaps and they were right within that time. She entered the small room where she set up one of the mobile radio units and picked up the corded receiver. After clearing her throat a few times she held the piece to her mouth and called out Lexa's name.

The radio sat in silence for a minute before the familiar crackle came through. "Raven? Is that you?"

"Lex..." Raven pushed what had happened out of her mind (tried to) and sat, getting comfortable. "Hi..."

"We made it back to Polis." Lexa had moved up into her bedroom after Anya had left to send out the messages. She sat on the edge of the bed, radio in hand, looking towards the window.

"How is your side? Any news on Echo?" Raven leaned her head back, eyes shut tight. She started debating with herself if telling Lexa what happened would be the right thing to do.

"I'm fine. Echo is dead. Roan delivered the body to me. Please pass on that news to Kane when you get the chance."

"Yeah of course- wait, she's dead? So you didn't have to leave?"

"She was just killed recently. I still had to return, though now I can start to plan my next trip to Arkadia, which can happen much sooner than anticipated."

"Sooner? How much sooner?"              

"Most likely by the end of this week, if not early next week. I'll make plans to stay a while longer too."

"Longer…I like longer. Although now would be better."

"I wish it could be now too, _ai_ _hodnes_. But how are you doing?"

Raven turned to the door just as Clarke filled the frame. Her breath caught in her throat and she placed the receiver down.

Clarke nodded. "Any news from Polis?" She could hear Lexa calling over the radio again.

"Echo is dead, that's really all I know..." Raven's eyes narrowed in on the cut that sat in the hollow of Clarke's neck. She knew she would have to live with what they had done knowing it wasn't the first time Lexa and Clarke met on the opposite side of a dagger.

"Echo's dead? Thank god..." Clarke leaned against the doorframe as Lexa's calls got a bit louder in the background

Raven grabbed up the handheld piece again bringing it up to her mouth. "I'm here." She held Clarke's gaze until she felt the hot sting of tears threatening to spill.

"Alright I thought I lost you. How are you doing?"

Clarke finally broke her gaze, standing up straight. She gave Raven a small smile before walking out, heading towards the hall.

Raven shut down the want to follow after the blonde. There would be plenty of time later for them to...talk? Instead she turned her attention back to where it belonged. "You're too good in bed to lose me…" Raven knew it wasn't the best thing she could say but she also wasn't in the mood for anything heavy.

Lexa smirked, thinking for a second before calling back. "Damn right. You come crawling back to my bed every night."

"Lex..." Raven couldn't help the grin and blush that spread from her ears to her neck. The way the girl’s voice husked out from the mobile speaker had her wondering if she would need a midday pit stop in her bedroom to take care of the growing ache between her legs.

"Feeling a bit uncomfortable there? Just imagine me with you again. That back office will become our personal room."

"Maybe that isn't the best place..." Raven felt her heart rate spike just thinking about the way Lexa had fucked her nearly _into_ the desk. She didn't want to have repeat of everyone talking about her but she would never ever deny how amazing it was.

"Would you prefer it in your bedroom? We would never have to leave there...just us together all day, doing whatever we wanted..."

Raven's breaths came quicker and she squirmed all over the chair she was sat in. "I really prefer your bedroom and your bed…More room…" She was just about certain she was going to need to release some tension and soon. "As long as yours hands are on me."

"Ah yes, my bed. Nice, big, warm...conveniently placed ropes still tied to my headboard...Don't worry, my hands will be all over you."

Raven jumped up and had the door slammed shut and locked before she uttered another word. "Where?" The radio piece back in her hand as she paces around the space as far as the cord would allow.

"Everywhere. I'll start at your cheeks, cupping them. Then they'll slide down your neck and shoulders and arms. I'll have to slide them back up to your breasts though, but I'll keep them there for quite a while."

Raven literally felt the lust in her eyes and in the way she began to pant. She could almost imagine Lexa's hands all over her. Touching and feelings and _doing_ whatever they wanted. "You know I like that..."

"Just caressing your breasts, pinching your nipples, but then they move. My nails raked down your abs, dig into your hips, until one finger makes its way up through your folds." Lexa could hear the arousal dripping off Raven's words so she told herself that she would make sure Raven got what she wanted.

Raven leaned her back against the wall next to the tabletop that the mobile unit was on. With one hand she unbuttoned and slid the zipper down, her hand dipping down into the exposed space. "Fuck Lex...I want that so badly right now."

"Soon, _ai hodnes_ , just keep imagining that one finger sliding up and down between your legs, gently flicking that bud with each pass until that one finger slowly slips inside you."

If anyone has been watching they would have seen Raven physically shiver. She let her hand move into her boyshorts, two fingers going right to making tight circles around her clit. Lexa's voice had her so worked up she was expecting to get off without much effort. "Keep talking...tell me more." She was barely holding back her moans as she responded.

"One finger turns into two as they slowly pump into you, curling against your favorite spot as I alternate between using my tongue and thumb on your clit."

Raven had been working steadily over her stiff and aching bud, the way Lexa fucked her in the office and her voice now pushing her right over the edge. She hadn't even meant to but she had gripped the side button on the handheld piece allowing Lexa to hear every moan and groan and whimper. "Jesus fucking Christ Lexa!"

Lexa just sat on the bed, letting Raven's moans and whimpers echo throughout her room as she listened to the girl.

Raven pulled her hand out of her pants then sunk down into the chair beside her. "Remind me to repay you for that. A lot." She was gasping but still able to get her words out. The majority of the tension that had been building from earlier with Clarke mixed with the current unrest from missing Lexa was lifting a little.

"As soon as we are reunited."

"Ugh…I'd meet you half way right now to say thank you."

"Soon, _ai hodnes_." Lexa smiled. Hearing Raven's voice had helped her calm down as well.

Raven finally had enough energy to zip and button her pants back up. She still say there a bit shocked at what just happened but she wouldn't say no if it was offered up again. "I really should get back…the garage…the more I get done now..."

"Alright. I'll talk to you again soon." Lexa was only slightly disappointed their time had to end.

Raven left the handheld on the table next to the machine, too wrapped up in her own post orgasmic bliss. She slouched down in the chair enough so the back of her head rested comfortably while she gave herself a few more minutes to recover.

Clarke stood outside the door, hands clenched into fists. She had heard the second half of the conversation, and she sure as hell heard Raven orgasming to the sound of Lexa's voice. Clarke was going to walk in, going to let her urges take over and give Raven more than Lexa just had, but she didn't. She turned and walked back toward the hall, vowing to keep the distance between them.

Raven had regained her senses and calmed her breathing to the point where she was ready to leave the small tech room. She swung the door open and stepped out into the hall. She saw a shock of blonde hair just disappearing around a corner. Thinking it was Clarke she hurried after her hoping they could talk about what exactly had happened outside. "Clarke?"

Clarke stopped upon hearing her name but didn't turn. She looked up at the ceiling and sighed before speaking. "Raven, I really think it's best if we keep some space between us."

Raven blinked a few times unsure if she had heard correctly because there was no way she was actually hearing this. Not after Clarke _insisted_ they find a way to work everything out. "Space..? As in...?"

"I'm sorry. I thought we could work this out. I thought I was strong enough to force my way in without blowing up again, but...I can't. I can't be near you Raven. Every single time I get close I wonder what it would be like, if I could kiss you again, or even just hold you...but apparently I'm not strong enough to control myself."

At first Raven's eyes look on in mild disbelief. She wasn't actually hearing these words come from Clarke. She had begged for a little bit of time and space earlier that day and Clarke refused to give it to her. Raven was beginning to feel anger bubbling up and she knew she needed to leave before she said too much. "It's always okay for _you_ to walk away..." Raven spun on her heels and walked back the way she came.

Clarke bit her lip as the tears silently slid down her cheeks. Now she had _really_ fucked up.


	48. Chapter 48

Raven had made a pit stop in her room to clean off the grit, grease and grime from her hands and smudges all over her face. She had been pulling pieces and parts from every vehicle in the back of camp for the past few hours after Clarke decided leave her hanging again. After a few minutes to rest, Raven was out of her room and walking at a face pace to the cafeteria. She took one corner without paying much attention and collided with what felt like a brick wall sending her back a few paces and feeling unsteady on her feet. "Umf what the f..."

Clarke had just been wandering the halls for most of the afternoon, trying to get their earlier encounter out of her head when Raven turned a corner and barreled into her, causing her to take a few steps back. She looked up and saw the girl, but kept her mouth shut.

"Oh I'm sorry…Is this not enough space for you?" Raven bit out then made to start walking again.

"Wait, Raven." Clarke caught her by the arm.

Raven stopped, head turned just enough to show she was listening.

"About before, I...I didn't mean to..." Clarke sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just afraid."

Raven felt like someone had hit the melt switch inside of her when she heard the way Clarke's words sounded. She was still angry and hurt but she just could not stop herself from stepping into the blonde's personal space. "Afraid of what?"

"My feelings. You. Fucking everything up again." Clarke chuckled nervously to herself. "There's so much inside me and it's killing me because I want you and I want you to be happy and I know tearing you away from Lexa is selfish and will only hurt you...I just..."

Raven walked Clarke back into the wall not caring who saw or passed by or said whatever. She pressed their foreheads together and just breathed in and out for a solid two minutes. When she felt as though her voice wouldn't crack over every other word she began to talk. "All this time I've been pissed off or angry or sad and sometimes just resigned to this because I blamed you. I blamed you for _not_ figuring this out...for not seeing just how fucking much I loved you."

"Every day...every single _fucking_ day, I wish that I could've seen it. I try and look back and figure out if I was just denying it or being oblivious but in the end, it doesn't change anything. I missed my chance."

"I don't want that to be true." Raven keep her forehead pressed to Clarke's, brown eyes searching blue for what she didn't even know anymore. "Maybe we do need space, not that I think it would ever help."

"Just enough so that I don't start daydreaming about you again."

"This is my fault. I started this...caused all of this.”

"Raven, we're both to blame. I let you do this when I knew I should've stopped it."

Raven dropped her head so she could press her face into Clarke's neck. She knew every reason this was wrong and why it was wrong and because of who.

Clarke stood still for a second before wrapping her arms around the girl and pulling her in tight. She just needed her close now, no matter the consequences.

"The more I try and stay away from you...the worse this feels."

"Then we need to figure something out. Fast."

"Anya loves you, doesn't she?"

"Yes...and I love her, but nothing compared to how I feel for you."

Raven ran the tips of her fingers along the healing mark that sat in the dip of Clarke's neck. "Lexa did this?"

"Well...yes. When she found out about our little...she held the blade to my throat, but I stepped into it."

Raven couldn't help the bubble of laughter that spilled from her lips. "Always trying to prove you're the bigger badass."

Clarke actually smiled this time. "I guess you could put it like that."

"I'm making this worse right now. Being so close to you..."

"Shh, this feels nice. Almost like before all this happened..."

Raven pulled her face from Clarke's neck. "Come eat with me?"

"Of course. Let's go." Clarke motioned for Raven to lead the way to the cafeteria.

~

Once they had finished eating and thrown away their trash, Clarke watched Raven exit the cafeteria first and turn to head back towards her room. At the last minute, Clarke reached out and gently grabbed her arm, stopping her. "Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to come hang out for a little bit longer. We can go to my room..."

Raven narrowed her eyes then blinked a few times. Her mouth couldn't settle on a frown or worrying at her bottom lip. They had spent the time eating and talking and more at ease than they had been but the way Clarke asked gave Raven a little pause. "Uhm…for?"

"I meant, um...sorry." Clarke realized the way she had phrased the request was a bit off. "I only meant so that we could hang out a bit longer...keep talking and such. That is, if you want to."

Raven let out a light laugh nudging Clarke's shoulder with her own. "Yes. Yeah of course." She would deny it forever if anyone ever asked if her stomach had just fluttered but she assumed it would always sort of be like that anyway.

"Alright, come on then." Clarke smiled and turned the other way, heading back towards her room instead of Raven's. Once there, she went in and sat down at the desk that had been moved in, letting Raven relax on the bed.

Raven followed along, the limp a little more pronounced from the time of day and how much she had been standing. Once she passed through the door and swung it shut behind her she flopped down on the bed. She kicked her boots off and sprawled out with her hands behind her head.

"Comfy?" Clarke let out a small laugh as she picked up the sketchbook that currently sat on the desk as well as the charcoal piece next to it. She flipped open to the page of doodles she had been working on and started sketching small things that came to mind.

"Yes. You know your bed is softer than mine." Raven pulled a face before snuggling back further into the mass of pillows and blankets. There had been a few times that they had shared a bed that didn't include a make-out session. It was just how their friendship worked and mostly why Raven had never questioned the times things went a little further.

"Well I just got lucky with that one. You know you're welcome to use it anytime that I'm in Polis." Clarke stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth as she focused in on one little part of the current sketch.

Raven caught sight of Clarke's tongue and almost bit clear through her lip when she turned her head to the side. "No that would just be weird but I might take your blankets."

"What, too cold at night? Or do they smell good?" Clarke put the finishing touches on her current sketch before moving onto the next one, not looking up at Raven.

Raven stopped mid deep inhale. She grabbed one of the pillows next to her and chucked it at the blondes head. "Shof op Clarke!"

The pillow hit Clarke on the side of the head, surprising her. "Hey! What was that for?"

"Askin' me how they smell…Ass. Anyway! What are you scribbling over there?" Raven nestled back into the comfort of Clarke's bed but she did not breathe in deep this time.

Clarke shrugged. "Little things from memory. Sometimes I see something and think it'll make a good sketch, like a leaf or something like that.”

Raven's mouth fell open a bit and she blinked until she could get a grip on what she just heard. There was a huge part of her that fully expected Clarke to just blurt out 'porn. I draw porn' and she was dumbstruck when Clarke got all serious about her leaf. "A fucking leaf Clarke?" Raven rolled over and rumbled her laugh into the pillows.

"What? Sometimes it's a leaf, sometimes a face someone makes...ya know, little stuff. I don't usually do big sketches. I don't have time." Clarke smiled, watching Raven laugh into the pillows.

"Maybe you can draw a rainbow vagina for Harper and Monroe. How are those two not doing it yet?" Raven had curled up on her side, head on her arm on top of the pillow for more support as she looked over at Clarke.

"Oh that...did you miss that? Apparently they did finally hook up one night while they were both running guard duty." Clarke chuckled, thinking back to the rumors she heard the next day.

"I called that from day one. Bell tried to argue with me telling me there was no way Harper was into it. Clueless- In more ways than one." She mumbled out the last part not really intending for Clarke to hear.

"Well then have him talk to Miller. Apparently he went over to go speak to Harper, who was standing at the post, and found her pants around her ankles and Monroe's head between her legs."

"I can't imagine he handled that well. You even say the word vagina near him and he turns pale." Raven tried to stifle a yawn but she was so comfy and her body was relaxing with every minute that passed.

"He said he played it cool, but I thoroughly believe he almost fainted at the sight." Clarke placed the piece of charcoal down on the desk in favor of a pencil she had managed to recover.

Raven's eyes drifted closed, the sound of the pencil as it scratched over the rough surface of the paper lulling her. The further she slipped into dreamland the more relaxed and at ease her body got.

When she got no response, Clarke glanced over and saw a now-sleeping Raven on her bed. She smiled, seeing her friend relaxed and peaceful, before flipping the page in her sketchbook and starting on a new drawing.

 _Raven stood from Clarke's bed after she slipped her feet back into her boots. She had felt herself drifting off and didn't want to fall asleep causing any possible_ situations _that they were trying to avoid. She stretched out causing her shirt to ride up exposing a sliver of skin above her pants. "I'm pretty beat so." Raven's browns settled on the blue pair that was watching her. "I should go."_

_"Wait." Clarke placed the sketchpad down on the desk and stood, catching Raven's arm again before she could start to leave._

_Raven clenched and shifted her jaw side to side. She forced herself to ignore the shiver that raced up and down her spine at the slightest of touches from Clarke. 'Hmm?"_

_"Stay, please...I want you here." Clarke pulled her a bit closer, turning her so her blue eyes could bore down into the brown ones._

_"Clarke…" Her voice came out low, more like a breath than actual sound._

_"Here, just come sit. Relax for a little bit." She glanced down at Raven's leg. "Doesn't that brace hurt from how tight it is? Here, let me help you take it off so you can rest for a bit.”_

_Raven let herself be held in place by Clarke's voice. She wanted to stay, let Clarke keep touching her and talking to her in that lower rumble. When she finally sat Raven moved Clarke's hands to the brace and let go, eyes now wide and waiting. "Yeah it's pretty tight…I guess I could stay for a little bit longer."_

_Clarke carefully unstrapped it, glancing up occasionally to make sure the girl wasn't in any pain. Once it was off her leg, she laid it to the side and brought her hands back to Raven's leg, gently massaging the areas that had been squeezed by it._

_Raven leaned back onto her elbows, head dropped back so her neck was pulled tight. The way Clarke's fingers massaged and pressed into her calf had a few low pleased groans falling from her lips. "That feels unbelievably good, it’s almost better than-" Her head snapped up before the last word came out but she knew her thought it was already out there._

_Clarke's fingers stopped as she carefully stood, looking down at Raven. "Better than what, Raven?"_

_"Almost." She licked out over her lips trying to create some moisture. "Almost better."_

_"Almost better? Why don't you tell me what that was_ almost better _than?" Clarke slowly climbed on top of the girl, pushing her down against the bed under her._

_"Sex. Almost better than sex. Almost..." Raven's eyes were trained on the girl’s lips. She wanted to fucking taste them so bad it made her insides ache._

_"Sex, hm? Well what if we put that to the test? I mean, you're an engineer, you're supposed to test things to make sure it's all right, right?" Clarke leaned in, ghosting her lips over the girl's._

_Just hearing herself being referred to as an engineer made her wet, nevermind the fact that Clarke was hovering over her. She leaned up the rest of the way to press their lips together in a hungry kiss, her hands gripping tight to her waist._

_Clarke smiled into the kiss, one hand coming up to cup the girl's cheek as her body pressed into the brunette's. She could feel the heat of her skin and the heat from her core right against her thigh as she carefully parted Raven's legs and slid her leg in between._

_Raven rolled her hips the second she felt the heavy pressure to her core. Her hands slid up under the hem of Clarke's shirt, moving up to undo her bra. "Off." She pulled her hands out and yanked up on the hem._

_Clarke sat up for only a moment so that she could remove her shirt and toss it off to the side before her hands found their way to Raven's pulling the girl up and tossing hers aside as well. She pushed her back down on the bed, reconnecting their lips almost immediately._

_Raven had the offending bra that stood between her hands and Clarke's fantastic boobs pulled from her shoulders and tossed away. Raven grunted a little with the effort she made trying to flip them. It also caused her center to press harder up against Clarke's knee._

_Breaking apart for only a second, Clarke pressed their foreheads together. "Shh, let me take care of you tonight."_

_Raven walked her fingers up Clarke's sides until her thumbs were tracing small circles into the sides of her boobs. She really wanted them filling her hands so she shifted just enough to be able to push her hands between them. She palmed one and pinched at the hardening nipple of the other. "It doesn't have to be one way Clarke."_

_"But I want it to be." Clarke dipped her head and attacked Raven's neck, nipping and sucking at all the skin she could reach. Her leg began to press up against the heat between her legs, allow grinding against her._

_Raven let her head fall back into the pillows, her neck exposed for Clarke. She had pulled her hands out from between them and was now kneading and cupping the blonde's ass. She was trying to get the girl to grind harder, faster. Just more. She was so wet she was sure there would be a visible spot when Clarke did pull away._

_"You like this huh? You like me grinding up against you?" Clarke's hands slid down her body, digging into her waist and then sliding under the girl and around to her ass, groping and squeezing as she pulled Raven into every grind of her leg._

_"Shut up and keep doing it." Raven let out a moan loud enough to easily be heard in the hall. Clarke had the perfect rhythm and pressure between her legs that she started to feel the coiling in the pit of her stomach. That combined with the way her voice was so low and gruff, Raven thought she might be able to cum from just this._

_Clarke's hands helped to speed up Raven against her leg, her mouth once again falling to Raven's neck, biting that much harder at the skin and working her way down to her shoulder._

_"Inside..." Raven dragged her nails up the entire length of Clarke's, stopping when they reached her hairline._

_"Inside? Like this?" Clarke managed to slip one hand up, undoing the girl's pants and then sliding inside her boyshorts, one fingers running through the wet folds._

Raven had gasped so hard in her dream that it rocked her back into reality. She blinked her eyes open and was panting way harder than she should have been for...for what? She shifted and felt a wet squish between her throbbing thighs. "Uhm..?" She looked over, eyes landing on Clarke.

Clarke looked up from her almost-finished sketch of a sleeping Raven to meet the brown eyes in her bed. "You okay? Did you wake yourself up?"

Raven had stepped back into her boots and stood so fast she almost dropped back to the bed from the head rush. That was when she felt the full amount of wet and completely soaked she was. "I think I'm just gonna go back to my room" She did the whole fake big yawn thing as she shuffled to the door.

"Alright well...have a good night." Clarke stood, dropping her sketchpad on the bed as she followed Raven to the door.

"Mhmm, you too." Her voice came out all high and pitchy.

Clarke watched her walk down the hall, slightly confused, but then shut the door and went back to look at her drawing.

Raven could not get to her room fast enough. By the time she got to her room and was behind a closed and locked door her mind was a scattered and foggy mess. Did she seriously have a wet dream? About _Clarke_?! She had busied herself stripping off her boots and brace and when she went to slide her pants down, there was the evidence. All she could do was hope she hadn't actually said anything while it was in the midst of it.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just letting all of our wonderful readers know, this chapter is about twice as long as normal because we had to fit everything in there.

The next day had been long. Lexa had sat through a longer than normal meeting as well as hearing grievances from the clans. It wasn't until later that she finally got the chance to sit and relax, so she found herself up in her room, radio in hand. Hesitantly, she pressed down the button and called out again. "Hello, Arkadia? Is anyone there?"

Raven rolled out from beneath the smaller rover that she had been working on nearly the whole day when she heard the voice. She clambered to her feet and scrambled towards the bench that held the larger stationary unit. Raven snatched up the corded handheld device, took a calming breath and replied. "Lex…hi."

Lexa relaxed even more hearing the voice on the other end. "Raven...just who I was looking for."

Raven felt her body relax just from the sound of the brunette’s voice. "I have missed your voice so much. Well more than just that but..."

"I know. I've missed you too. It's just been a long day and...I needed to hear your voice."

"Me too. I tried you earlier but obviously you weren't there." Raven pulled two more chairs over to where she was sitting, turned sideways and laid out with her legs propped up and back against the wall. It was not the most comfortable but she would sit there all night just to talk to Lexa.

"Unfortunately my absence meant complaints piled up. Eventually I just dismissed everyone because I can't listen to them anymore." Lexa chuckled.

"Everyone wants time with my Commander."

" _Your_ Commander. I like the sound of that." Lexa smiled on her end, thinking about how Raven got possessive every time Lexa referred to herself as _hers_.

"I wish I was there so I can show you too." Raven growled into the mic. There was something about the way Lexa acknowledged being Raven's that made her libido slip into overdrive.

"Well maybe you can repay the favor I gave you yesterday..." Lexa shifted slightly on the bed, the growing dampness between her legs becoming noticeable now

"No." She replied instantly.

"No? Why not?"

"The next time you cum it'll be around my fingers and with my tongue on you."

"But what if I _needed_ to cum right now?"

Raven wanted to hear all those little breathy moans Lexa made just before she came but she wanted to make her wait even more. "It'll be better if you wait."

"But..." Lexa sighed. She would have loved to be able to cum to the sound of Raven's voice over the radio.

"Someone might walk in and I don't want anyone hearing you when you cum. That's all mine." Raven shifted in her seat. It didn't take much to get her going when it came to Lexa and right now was no exception.

"No one will be coming up here. Anya is the only one who's allowed but she's still handling business."

"Here. Someone might walk in _here_."

"Lock the door then. Barricade it if you can't."

"If I could I would but I'm in the garage." The hints of begging in Lexa's voice had Raven needing to press her own legs together.

"Please Raven...I've been thinking about you all day..."

"All day?" It was the way she said please that had Raven giving in.

" _All_ day."

"So _all_ day you've been thinking about the way out tongue battle and how I almost always let you win because the way you kiss me makes me head spin?"

"It's been in my mind, yes. And how I can't wait to battle it out again with you."

"Did you think about me kissing and biting and sucking my way down your body?"

"Oh god yes. You would kiss every inch of skin on your way down." Lexa had finally reclined back against the headboard, her hand slipping down inside the waistband of her pants.

"Mmm and those pretty little pink nipples..." Raven groaned out. "I want one in my mouth right now…"

"I'd like that too." Lexa sighed as the small circles her finger had been drawing around her clit got harder and faster.

"Are you touching yourself now, Lex?"

"Yes. Your voice makes me so wet."

"I know." She hadn't even meant to make her voice lower but it came out that way. "Are you feeling the way my fingers slide through your folds when you're this wet? The way my fingers easily press into you?"

"Yes." The words were practically a moan as she slid her fingers down and inside her, eliciting a small gasp.

Raven was shifting in her seat trying to gain some sort of relief for the throbbing going on between her own legs. "Fuck Lex…I want my mouth on you, tasting and sucking and licking into you. _Damn_ I miss the way you taste..."

 Lexa had been reduced to breathy moans and small whimpers as her fingers curled inside the wet heat. "I want you here _ai hodnes_. I want you in this bed with me."

Raven grew silent. She sat stock still and went completely quiet as her eyes darted from one end of the garage to the other. None of it felt right. There was just nothing there for her anymore. Not even the simple satisfaction she got from being the one who could fix anything seemed to matter in that moment. "Me too Lex. More than any words I could ever find to tell you."

Lexa couldn't respond as her orgasm silently took her over, small moans and whimpers coming from her throat, the button still pressed on the radio.

"I can't see you…Let me hear it."

Lexa cried out this time, her fingers curling faster to keep the orgasm going inside her. Her hand was clamped on the radio, keeping the button pressed throughout the entire time.

Raven had to bite her lip to keep her own moans quiet. "Just like that, Lex…Damn I wish my mouth was on you right now…" Raven let her head drop back against the wall, her chest rising and falling from her own arousal.

Once she had managed to come back down, Lexa held the radio back up. "That's it. I'm coming to Arkadia at the end of this week."

"And you'll be cumming once you get here."

"I don't plan on leaving your bedroom."

"We'll need sustenance you know." Raven let her eyes roam around the garage again. She loved every single machine and computer part and greasy corner but all paled in comparison to her want of being with Lexa.

"We can get one of your friends to being us food, right?" Lexa glanced out towards the window, seeing the sun setting in the distance.

Raven laughed a little at the thought of one of the delinquents dropping off food and seeing Lexa. There was a plan forming in her head that would erase that ever happening but she had a few things to do before she could say anything. "I'm sure Bellamy would love to serve you." This time she couldn't hold back her bark of laughter.

Lexa couldn't hold back her laugher either at the mention of the older Blake. "Of course. He would have such fun with that."

"Ew no." Raven shook the ick from her mind while refusing to think about that one time.

Lexa laughed again. "Anyways, it's getting late. Aren't you getting tired?"

"I still have a few things to do. And I think after that, dinner with Clar-" Raven's voice died mid word. She wasn't sure how Lexa would react and she definitely didn't want to make her worry about them doing anything. Else.

"Clarke? Sounds nice. I'm guessing you two are on speaking terms again?" Lexa's voice wasn't hostile, but she could feel the worry in the back of her mind.

"Yes Clarke. We uh…We talked things through so…yeah." Raven shifted to her feet. There was a stab of guilt for what had happened the night before but there really wasn't any way she could control her dreams.

"Alright, good. That's good. Anything else interesting happening around there?"

"Lex..I-" Raven swallowed thickly before continuing. "No, nothing interesting. Just me missing you."

"I miss you too _ai hodnes_."

Raven held the mic up to her forehead for a minute or so in thought. There was always this panic of sorts that ran through her body and mind when there was a goodbye between them. She didn't want to not tell Lexa she loved her but it was still difficult to _say_. And now after the previous days hiccups…"Hey Lex…I uh- I love you. A lot."

Lexa smiled slightly on the other end, listening to the other girl. " _Ai hod yu in, Raven kom Skaikru_."

"I should go, but I'm going to miss you the second I do." Raven felt like the biggest idiot sitting there being all sappy over a damn radio.

"I will talk to you again soon. Tomorrow, most likely."

"Okay. And Lex…Don't touch yourself again until I see you."

"I'll try _ai hodnes_. It's just so hard when I think about you all day..."

"I'll make it worth it if you don't."

"Mm, but every time is worth it."

"Hmm very. Okay...I'll talk to you later."

Lexa placed the radio down beside her bed and stood, walking out to the balcony. How could she wait until the end of the week to see her again?

Raven cleaned up the area she had been working at. Wiped off tools and put them away, returned the dolly she used to role under the mini rover with. All the while she debated in her head the pros and cons of going back to Polis. She wasn't sure if she was ready to make it permanent but she was near certain she needed to be there now. Tomorrow. When Clarke left she would be going as well. But she needed to find Kane and discuss it with him.

Lexa stood on the balcony and looked out at the city, people heading home for the day. Home. Lexa was home in a sense, in her own room, but she didn't feel at home here. Not without Raven.

Raven closed the hood of the mini and looked around to check that she had everything in its rightful place. Once she was satisfied she headed towards the Chancellors room hoping to have a talk with Kane.

~

She left the Chancellors room some half hour later after finding both Kane and Abby there. They talked about the inevitable and eventual permanency of Raven's move to Polis and all ended up agreeing that it would make sense even though she still hadn't 100% made up her mind.

Clarke was heading down the hall, hoping to find her mother in the Chancellor's room to give her the reports from medical today. She did not expect to run into Raven, walking away from the room. She had expected to see her at dinner, but she didn't show up. "Raven, where have you been? You blew me off at dinner."

The reason she was having so much difficulty is deciding to make the permanent move to Polis. Raven gave the girl a small apologetic smile. "I'm sorry...I had some things I needed to finish up and then I had to speak with Kane and that took longer than expected. I wouldn't just blow you off Clarke."

"Are you okay? You left in a hurry last night and we haven't spoken since." Clarke watched the girl carefully.

"Yeah…yeah I'm- that was…I'm fine." Raven felt the blush creeping up her neck. She still could /not/ believe she had a wet dream and while dozing off in the blonde's bed. If Clarke knew and was just playing with her she would blow her the hell up.

"Oh, alright...I was hoping I'd see you tonight. Or tomorrow, before I leave. Y'know, say goodbye and such." Clarke's hand rubbed the back of her own neck, blue eyes locking onto the brown.

"I'll see you first thing in the morning, okay?"

"Alright..." Clarke walked past her, a little miffed about the way Raven was acting, but she couldn't let herself get too into Raven's problems.

"Clarke…" Raven caught the girls arm before she got too far out of reach.

Raven looked back at Clarke, her eyes soft and almost pleading. "Please don't be upset with me?"

How could she be upset at her? There was no way. "Alright. I'm not. If you had to talk to the Chancellor it was something important right?" Clarke smiled slightly, looking back at her before continuing on.

Raven worried at her bottom lip and forced her eyes to look away from Clarke's retreating form. She wasn't exactly sure why she didn't mention joining the girl the next day but something inside kept telling her 'not yet'.

Raven forced her feet to begin moving again after Clarke had disappeared around the bend of the hall. There had been so many things in her mind that day and then the embarrassing _dream_ the night before she really hadn't meant to hurt the girl’s feelings. She had been so lost in thought again that she was a little shocked when she found herself standing outside her own door.

Some 30 or so minutes later after laying on her bed and feeling restless, Raven climbed back into her clothes and brace. She'd thought about maybe going to find Clarke, talking to her about whatever but before she knew it she was in the smaller room with the mobile radio unit. She was sat and holding the mic in her hand in seconds. "Lexa? Are you there Lex?"

Lexa had climbed into bed only a few minutes ago but had already been dozing off when she heard Raven's voice. Her hand fumbled for the radio on the ground next to her. Once she had secured it in her hand she brought it up, cracking an eye open and pushing the button. "Raven...? What's wrong?"

Raven let out a happy sigh when she head Lexa's voice trickle through the speaker. "I can't sleep."

Lexa sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning as she spoke. "Trouble sleeping? Something bothering you?"

"I just...it just feels better when you're there."

"Well, I can stay with you for a little bit if you need me to."

Raven sat in the chair that was still against the wall from the last time she was in the room. "Please?"

"Of course _ai hodnes_."

Raven held the mic tight in her hand, the decision to go back to Polis in the morning still had her worrying. "Are you sure? About me- I mean about wanting me there?"

"You mean moving to Polis? Of course I want you here. Nothing could ever change my mind on that." Lexa had thrown off the furs and was now propped up against the headboard, the ropes tied right next to her hip.

Raven hated the way her insecurities played with her mind. "How can you be sure? What if it's just.. sex…"

"Just sex?" Lexa could only think about how coincidental Raven's words were as the ropes burned into the back of her mind, especially seeing Raven tied and splayed out on her bed...She shook her head in an attempt to clear her mine. "Have I not proven to you that this is much more than just sex?"

"Yeah, of course you have- I don't know why I said that." Raven slouched down as much as she could, she brought her legs up to stretch out along the chairs she lined up.

"I understand that you're nervous, but there's nothing to be afraid of. You know what it's like living here, and you're close enough to go back to Arkadia when needed." Lexa looked straight ahead, hoping to keep her thoughts only on Raven and not Raven in her bed.

"Do I still get to be in my- or the…the workshop. Can I still work in there?"

"Of course. I'd hate to take you away from something you love. Plus it would help with our local workers as well."

"I can't just sit idle. It would drive me crazy…And I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't think I could stay in your bed all the time."

"As much as we'd both like that, I cannot lie around all day. I have duties to attend to. Plus I know how much you love building things...especially for the bedroom." Lexa smirked, thinking back to Raven's workshop.

"For the bedroom..." Raven breathed out, she wanted to be in Lexa's bed, beneath Lexa letting her do whatever she wanted. "Any special requests?"

"I don't know much. You know more, so how about you surprise me."

"Surprise you? I can do that. I can do that really well." Raven sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth so she wouldn't just blurt out just how much she was going to do that the next day.

"I love surprises from you...but now, feeling any sleepier?" Lexa yawned again, the day catching up with her quickly.

"Not really. But you sound like you are ready to fall asleep. Nobody needs a grumpy Commander."

"I want to make sure you sleep well though. Would it help if I told you a story?"

"Well since I can't wrap up around you…that sounds like the next best thing." Raven stretched out then curled herself back up, head resting between the back of the chair and the wall.

"Alright. I don't know what sort of stories Skaikru tells children when they go to bed, but Trikru talks about the past Commanders and some of their memorable moments."

"Why am I not shocked about this? With all those books you have, none of them are of bedtime stories? Not that I don't want to know more about you."

"Would you rather have me read a book? Or would you rather learn more about the culture you will soon be living in?"

"I'll learn better if you show me, can you read to me?"

"Alright let me pick one out quickly." Lexa placed the radio down and walked over to her bookshelf, looking through the choices before picking one of her favorites out. She came back over to the bed and opened to a page. "Alright you comfy?"

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be without you to wrap up with."

"Alright. This one is one of my favorites." Lexa propped the book up against her legs and began reading. "You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you."

Raven's breath caught in her throat. She knew this, had heard it before, _read_ it years ago when she was a kid. Her eyes closed as she listened to the words and the way they fell from Lexa's lips. It was like a piece of her horrible childhood was being changed or fixed. It was as though Lexa was touching all the bad memories and making them better.

Lexa continued on. "Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music."

Raven mumbled an 'I love you, Lex.' right before her head drooped down, her chin resting uncomfortably on her chest. The cord stretched out as her hand dropped down to lap leaving it pulled tight.

Even hearing Raven drop off on the other end, Lexa decided to finish the poem. "Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow."

Raven's head slipped a little off to the side pulling her neck in an awkward angle but the sound of Lexa still reading kept her mind relaxed. Her hand unclenched, letting the mic pull out of her hand and dangle a few inches above the floor.

"Raven, you still awake?" Lexa called out softly enough that if Raven was awake she could hear her but at the same time would not disturb her if she was sleeping.

Clarke passed by the open door without looking in. She heard the familiar voice and stopped, took a step back and peaked in. The last time she heard Raven in that room it had set her nerves on edge and she did not want another repeat. What she saw made her heart squeeze; Raven squeezed on a chair, bent and curled up. Clarke walked in picking up the mic, a little unsure if she should say anything.

"Raven?" Lexa called one last time to be sure the girl had fallen asleep before she herself would head off to bed.

Clarke brought the mic up to her mouth, took a huge breath in then let it out slowly. "She fell asleep..."

Lexa was surprised to hear a voice on the other end, but even more surprised at _who_ it was. "Clarke?"

Clarke took another deep breath in. She didn't know what had been going on before she walked by and really didn't want to know. "Yes Lexa. It's me"

"Why are you with Raven? Shouldn't you be in bed right now?"

"Lexa, I will take her back to my room and fuck her of you don't give it a rest already."

"If you even try, _Klark_ , you will not want to return to Polis in the morning."

"Relax okay? I'm not trying. I wouldn't do that to her. Or Anya."

"Alright...sorry. I shouldn't have jumped on you like that."

"You're the one she wants to be with." Clarke sighed lightly. "Let's just leave it there. I still stand by what I said, if you hurt her…"

"I won't Clarke. You can be sure of that."

"I hope for her sake that you're sure of that." Clarke reached out and tucked a few strands of lose hair back behind Raven's ear. She still felt somewhat upset from being forgotten about earlier but that was slipping away the more she watched the brunette.

"Can you make sure she gets into bed though? I know that Arkadia's radio is in the small office so she can't be comfortable."

"Don't worry, I'll get her in bed. Wait! No- InTO bed…Oh whatever I'll make sure."

"Thank you Clarke. Before you leave, what are your plans for your return tomorrow?"

"Welcome. Tomorrow I have a few of the guards along with Kress. Probably mid-morning departure. Can you let Anya know?"

"Of course, so we will expect you probably later in the day?"

"As long as everything goes as planned. I'd say late afternoon. Is there anything I need to know?”

"The guards already know of your arrival and will be waiting to open the gates. Everything else should be fine.”

"Okay then. I'm going to get this one to bed and I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight Lexa."

"Goodnight Clarke." Lexa placed the radio back down on the floor and pulled the furs up around her again, slowly drifting back off to sleep.

Clarke placed the microphone down on the table and looked back to a sleeping Raven. She contemplated waking her and helping her down the hallway but instead decided not to disturb her. She carefully picked up the girl and carried her out and down the hallway towards Raven's room. While walking, she looked down at the girl and quietly mumbled to her. "Ya know, Lexa's wrath would be easy to deal with. And completely worth it, too...if it weren't for Anya..." Once she had gotten into Raven's room, she laid the girl down on the bed and carefully removed her boots and brace before pulling the blankets up around her. As Clarke left, she turned in the doorway one last time to look at her, then went back towards her own room.

~

Raven awoke early the next morning a little unsure of how she got to her room the night before. She remembered Lexa reading her favorite passage from her favorite book and nothing after that. When she noticed her brace wasn't on she knew /who/ put her to bed. She smiled to herself for a few minutes, the ways Clarke still cared for and about her would always make her happy.

Raven climbed out of bed and showered. She took out the red lingerie that she had come across and claimed for exactly this occasion. After she was dressed with boots and brace on she reached her bed and took out the box of toys that Lexa hadn't found. Mostly it was vibrators that never made it to the black market bit there was one or two dildos that fit the harness she already had. With that box packed up and the rest of her clothes, not that there was much of that, packed into a container, Raven opened her door and headed to the garage.

Clarke had been awake for several hours already, loading up the small rover. She had made sure that the extra batteries and generator were in there before throwing in other stuff that was being transported- just an old computer and spare parts, as well as her favorite _movies_ she was going to share. Her back was to the rover as she spoke with Kress and the other men when she saw Raven come through the door carrying a box and a bag slung over her shoulder. She excused herself from the men and walked over, taking the box to help her. "Raven, what's all this? More stuff to be delivered? I thought everything we needed was here in the garage."

Raven flashed a wide smile as Clarke moved closer to her. "The rest of what I'm taking with me." She thrusted the somewhat heavy box into Clarke's arms. "You brought me to my room last night, didn’t you?”

"Yeah after Lexa and I talked...what do you mean taking with _you_?"

"That's _my_ rover over there. _I_ worked on it and fixed it. Plus you are a horr _i_ ble driver." Raven smiled even wider as she watched Clarke. "Wait…you talked to Lexa? About…?"

"Nothing...Raven, you're staying here. Arkadia needs you. There's a bunch more rovers that need to be gutted and refitted...does Kane know? Better yet, does Lexa?"

"Kane knows. That's what I was doing when I missed dinner with you. I spent the whole day yesterday fixing every last thing on that thing and I really don't need _you_ telling _me_ what needs to be done. And don't worry about what Lexa does or doesn't know." Raven felt a hint of agitation starting to creep up. She really didn't want to start arguing with Clarke, not before the trip but it really felt like Clarke wasn't happy about the change in plans.

"Alright...are you sure about this?" Clarke walked over to the rover, placing the box down inside.

"Is this going to be a problem, Clarke?"

"No. I just want to make sure you are one hundred percent sure about this."

"I won't know if I don't go." Raven tossed her bag into the back on top of the box Clarke slid in for her. "Maybe it'll make things easier for _us_ too..."

"Yeah maybe...alright let me go talk to Kress again. We're leaving in 5 minutes." Clarke walked back over to the group again, updating them on the new plan.

Raven circled around rover, getting in and starting it up. She checked everything over once, satisfied with what she saw. Raven looked over the garage the same way she had done the night before, and there was still nothing there important enough to keep her there away from Lexa. When her eyes landed on Clarke she couldn't help but smile. "Let's go princess."

Clarke chuckled at the nickname as she got inside the passenger seat. The other men walked outside to their horses and quickly mounted, riding off through the gates.

Raven backed the rover out of the garage, tossed it into drive and eased them through the gates and onto the trail. About twenty minutes into the drive Raven turned and just stared at Clarke. She didn't say anything, just stared.

Clarke glanced over. "What's up?"

"You don't want me there."

"What? No, Raven...I just...I want to make sure you're ready. You just back to Arkadia a few days ago, and now you're moving away...I mean, what if something happens between you and...her?"

"I can't-" Raven jammed on the brakes making everything behind them shift forward. "That's my decision. _Mine_ Clarke."

"Alright fine. I just don't want you to get hurt..." Clarke braced herself against the dashboard, turning to look back over at Raven. "If you're sure about this, I'm not going to stop you."

"At least _she_ wants me. _And_ wants me there." Raven mumbled as she resumed driving.

Clarke didn't want to argue with Raven over something like this. She turned her attention back to the path in front of them as she could see some of the riders up ahead.

"I'm not sure." Raven whispered her eyes shifting from the looking straight ahead to the window to her left.

"Raven..." Clarke looked over at her, then reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it.

"I can't just sit back and wait. I just can't do that again."

"Still..." Clarke looked down, keeping Raven's hand in her own.

"She asked. She wouldn't ask if she didn't love me and really want me there. It can't be a small thing...right?" Raven intertwined her fingers with the blonde.

"She does love you. I've never seen her look at anyone like she looks at you."

"I don't doubt that she loves me." Raven's grip grew tighter and tighter on Clarke's hand.

"And you love her too. I think anybody can see that. It's obvious." Clarke smiled slightly, her own thoughts wandering. She wanted just one word changed in what she said.

"Yeah...I do." Raven had been rubbing circles into the back of Clarke's hand until those words dripped out.

Clarke sighed and looked down at the dashboard, seeing the battery level of the rover. "That's getting kinda low, do we need to stop?"

"Might as well stop now if you want."

"Yeah, I'll run up ahead and tell the men. We can stop for however long this baby needs to recharge for. We can have a bite to eat too."

Raven pulled the rover to a stop, switching everything over to charging mode while Clarke got out and let the men know what they were doing. She leaned back in her seat and finally let out the breath she really didn't even realize she'd been holding.

Once the men had dismounted and tied up the horses, Clarke went into the rover and pulled out the food packs they brought. She climbed back in with two in her hand, giving one to Raven. "So I had a question earlier."

Raven took the pack that was handed over. Her head was still resting on the seat back, but she turned a little acknowledging Clarke's words. "Okay?"

"What's in the box that I carried? It was pretty heavy."

"The box...? Ooh." Raven felt her insides heat up and she just _knew_ there was a blush creeping up her neck. "Just some of my stuff.”

"Your stuff, hm? What sort of stuff?" Clarke smirked, seeing the blush start on her neck.

"Clarke…" Raven huffed out. She opened the door and hopped out then headed to the back, opening the door. "Would you like to see?" She challenged.

"I'm only kidding Raven, climb back in." Clarke popped a nut into her mouth, laughing at her.

Raven left the rear door open but didn't move back to her side of the vehicle. "Why don't you come back out here?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and hopped out, coming around to the back of the rover. "Do you want to show off your collection?”

"Uh no. You're an ass."

"Hey, I was kidding around. You can be an ass sometimes too."

"What?" Raven feigned innocence. "Never. But if you need a little something-" She reached for the box. "I can help you out."

"I'll take a rain check on that offer. Save it for when we're in Polis."

"We've been cramped up in the rover for a while. I thought we could wait out here, it should be much longer."

"Yeah, stretch the legs...relax in the fresh air...how far away from Polis are we do you think?"

Raven knelt down then laid herself out in soft green grass. "It's showing that we're a little more than half way there. Maybe more like 3/4 of the way."

"Alright good. Then depending on how long this recharge takes we should be there by nightfall." Clarke sat next to her, looking out into the trees.

Raven bumped her shoulder into Clarke, peering over at her. "You haven't really said much about Anya..."

"What is there to say exactly?" Clarke shrugged.

Raven chewed at her lip for a minute trying to find the right words to say after Clarke's reply. She shifted so they were sitting face to face. "I need you to be able to talk to me about her, Clarke."

"We're doing fine if that's what you're asking. I'll get to go see her tonight and everything will be fine."

"Okay fine." Raven raised her hands in mock surrender then shifted again so she was sitting with a foot of space between them. "Everything is fine."

"I mean, that's the basis of our relationship."

Raven stared out along the trail as far as her eyes could. Clarke's answers made her stomach hurt and her mind race. They were flat and lacked feeling. Even her eyes seemed empty. "Why is this so damn hard? It wasn't the other night back in Arkadia." Raven slowly climbed back to her feet and walked away putting the rover between them.

Clarke stood and climbed back in, sitting there waiting for the recharge.

Raven pulled herself back up and into the driver’s seat. Her jaw was clenched so tight it was starting to give her a headache. "It's ready. Do you want to tell them?"

"Alright give me a second then." Clarke climbed out and told the men them climbed back in as they mounted their horses.

Raven started everything up and pulled back out onto the trail. Her eyes stole glances at the girl next to her every so often but it had her grinding her teeth harder every time. She hated the way things seemed to bounce from good to bad so easily between them.

Clarke looked out the window, watching the trees as they went by.

The time felt like it was racing by _and_ dragging. It also felt like every step forward they had taken over the last few days just vanished and they were right back to everything feeling wrong and awkward. Thankfully they were heading into thicker coverage signaling the gates where mere minutes away.

Once they were nearing the gates Clarke turned to Raven. "I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean to make things...awkward. Anya and I are figuring things out right now."

Raven pulled through the open gates, brought the rover to a stop and shut everything down. Her hands were still wrapped around the steering wheel, eyes squeezed shut tight. "Best friends talk about those things. I really hope we find out way back there because I really fucking _need_ you and I don't care anymore how selfish that is." Raven reached over and gave Clarke's thigh a light squeeze before climbing out of the rover.

Clarke climbed out of the other side, heading around the back. "Like I said, we'll work on things together, okay? Once I know where Anya and I stand I will let you know so we can talk."

"Clarke…From what I saw the morning they left-" Raven took her pack from the back, slinging it over her shoulder "-she knows exactly what she wants with you."

"I know she does. It's what _I_ want that can fuck all of this up." Clarke handed her the box, blue eyes looking into brown. "But you two, you both know what you want. Go get it now."

"Clarke…Why would you wait until now…until we're _here_ to say this?"

"Don't worry about Raven. I'll figure this out alright? Now head up there. I think someone will want to see you."

Raven held Clarke's eyes, trying her best to convey every single thing she couldn't say. "I'll find you tomorrow." Raven hefted the box higher up in her arms and headed off for the tower elevator.

Lexa had just gotten back to her room when she heard a knock at her door. Opening it, she saw the healer she had sent for and allowed her in, quickly stripping off her shirt to allow the healer to check on her stitches. Once the wound was cleaned and redressed, the healer excused herself and left, leaving Lexa in her bathroom, just standing there relaxing for a moment.

Raven stepped through the door to Lexa's room as the healer had been walking out. She placed her box, that was heavier than she would admit, down on the table with the bag next to it. Her eyes scanned every inch of the room not finding the green eyes she needed to damn much.

Lexa let out a deep breath as she grabbed her shirt and walked out of the bathroom, head down. Her braids had been taken out and paint removed, the helm sitting in its place like every night. She was ready to climb into bed, slightly upset she hadn't gotten to talk to Raven today, until she looked up, green eyes meeting brown.

"Raven?"

"Lex..." Her voice was so soft and still so full of emotions. The breath that left her chest felt like it had been there since the last time they saw each other. Raven was feeling so many things she almost couldn't get her feet to move forward. "I couldn't- I needed to be _here_ with you..."

Lexa moved forward her hand coming up to cup the girl's cheek as if she couldn't believe Raven was standing there in front of her. Right now. Two days later. "Are you sure? I said I'd give you time to think it over..."

Raven leaned her face into the girl's hand, the feel of it making her stomach start to flutter. "Right now I'm sure that I need you to kiss me."

"I think I need that too." Lexa's face had been leaning closer and closer to Raven's, her words a whisper against the lips she claimed with her own shortly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The excerpt Lexa reads is the prose poem Marriage from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran


	50. Chapter 50

Raven ran her hands up Lexa's arms, to her neck and into her hair. She grabbed a fist full to hold the girl in place. She opened her mouth against those full lips, licking out over them.

Lexa slowly eased the two of them back towards her bed, pulling Raven down on top of her as she fell back, her lips never leaving Raven's. Her hands wandered down Raven's shirt and up underneath, callused fingers running over soft skin.

Raven had one hand palm down on the bed next to Lexa's head, the other still tangled in the loose mass of brunette hair. She'd managed to get her braced leg on the outer side of Lexa, not wanting to hurt her with it. "I've missed your hands on me and your lips and the way you taste..." Raven got out between kisses.

"I missed _you_." Lexa rolled them over, propping herself up over Raven as her lips trailed down her jaw and neck, leaving light kisses along the skin.

Raven let her head fall back giving Lexa more room. She kept her hand gripping tight at the base of her neck, holding her in place. It may have only been a few days but Raven felt like it had been too long.

Lexa nipped hard at the skin, the old marks fading away. She wanted to recreate every mark on her neck that night as she slid the hem of her shirt up around her ribcage.

Raven moaned out with every nip from Lexa. Her chest rising and falling from the heavy breaths Raven was already struggling to take in. " _Yes_ I need your hands all over me…"

Lexa pulled her up, pulling the shirt off and over her head.

Raven leaned back onto her elbows, bottom lip pulled between her lips as she watched Lexa's eyes roam her body, in particularly the red lacy bra she worn specially for her. Her center started to throb at the thought of the girl seeing the matching set of panties.

"Did you wear this for me?" Lexa's hands slid down Raven's shoulders and palmed her breasts through the red fabric.

She nodded, lip slipping from between her teeth. The position didn't allow her to move much but she managed to press her chest up into Lexa's hand for more contact. "Do you like it?"

"I _love_ it..." Lexa stood up off the bed before crouching next to Raven's leg. "You wouldn't happen to have a match for it on under these pants would you?"

"Why don't you find out, Lex" Raven popped her hips up as much as she could a few times. There was a sly smile hinting at the corners of her lips as she watched on.

Lexa smirked up at her as she untied her boots and tossed them off to the side. She then slowly removed her brace, which was a bit harder to do than the last time she remembered. Kneeling in front of her, she placed a kiss on the girl's stomach as she unbuttoned her pants and slid them down her legs, revealing the red panties under them.

Raven had been breathing hard pretty much since her eyes landed on Lexa but now? She was breathing heavily and her fingers tingled and the throb between her legs had her worrying if she would explode before ever really being touched. "Do you like it, Commander?" Her voice had dropped so low she barely recognized it.

"Like I said, I _love_ it. Like I love you." Lexa crawled back up over the girl, capturing her lips once again as her hand slid from the lacy bra down to its lower counterpart.

Raven put a hand against Lexa's chest to push her up. She turned her head to detach their lips. "I think this is a little uneven. You're still fully dressed."

"Then maybe you should help me with that." Lexa rolled off to the side, propping herself up on her elbows as she looked back at Raven.

Raven rolled herself over onto her side, one hand trailing down Lexa's neck to her collarbone, down along the center of her chest and stopping at the hem. She moved her hand under the shirt, nails scraping at the tight skin just below the cut of abdominal muscle. "What if I _really_ want you strip for me?"

"Would you like that?"

"I want you naked, Lex. I want you naked and I want less talking."

Lexa stood and nodded, pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it to the side. Her pants came next, sliding down off her legs and being thrown in the same direction as the shirt

Raven sat up onto her knees. Pulling Lexa in by the cloth of her binding, Raven pressed a few wet kisses along the girls jaw and up to her ear. She sucked at the soft spot right below it knowing it to usually be a weakness for Lexa.

Lexa let a small moan escape from her lips as she pushed Raven down and climbed back on top of her, a hand sliding down under her waistband.

The groan that bubbled up from her throat was followed by a roll of her hips. She needed Lexa to touch her so badly she was starting to shake. "Lex…please _touch_ me. Whatever, _however,_ you want. Just please do something."

"Hand or mouth? Just tell me what you want and I'll do it." Lexa pressed open-mouthed kisses to Raven's shoulder, breathing in the smell off her skin.

"Fingers. I need them on me, in me." Her hips kept rolling up searching out any firm contact.

Lexa quick slid two inside the wet heat, curling right up against that front wall.

Raven yelped out, not expecting how quickly she would be filled and that spot to be found. She buried a hand long brunette curls, holding tight. Her other hand held a handful of the furs beneath their bodies, knuckles turning white. " _Fuck_ Lex! Right there..."

Lexa kept her fingers pumping and curling as her thumb found its way to the girl's clit, rubbing in tight circles. She buried her face in the girl's neck, breathing in the scent that was uniquely _Raven_.

Raven worked her hips and ground her center in time with Lexa's fingers. Her eyes were shut so tight she thought she saw stars, mouth dropped into an o shape. She wasn't expecting to fall over the edge this quickly but the pressure in her belly tightened and released before she could do anything but whimper out 'I love you's and 'please’s.

Lexa slowed her fingers and eventually pulled out, her mouth kissing its way up Raven's neck and jaw until it met her lips, placing several soft, gentle kisses there.

Raven dropped back down into the furs like her body was jelly. They had barely just begun for the next and she was already a shaking mess. "Two days is a long time to go without those magical fingers…and if you give me a minute..." The only movement Raven could manage was to bring Lexa's hand up to her mouth so she could clean off the fingers that were coating in her juices.

"Well, by the looks of the bag and box over there, I would guess we have forever, so take your time." Once her fingers were gone from Raven's mouth Lexa replaced them with her own mouth, her tongue peeking out to taste Raven's juices that were left on her lips.

Raven shifted back until she was on her side. "Can we talk about that tomorrow?" Raven didn't give the girl a change answer, instead pressing a open mouthed kiss to her lips, tongue searching out Lexa's to share the last of her own juices.

Lexa allowed the kiss to continue, tasting everything from Raven's mouth, but then pulled back and nodded. "I want to take you on an official tour tomorrow...if you can walk by that time."

Raven tugged at the material still wrapped tight around Lexa. "Hmm as long as I'm with you, but I haven't seen anything that would prevent me from walking."

"Not yet. The night is still young." Lexa smiled, kissing her again as she pulled her up towards the pillows.

Raven was lost in the way Lexa kissed her. There was something about it every time that would make her feel dizzy. She tugged at the binding again with a little grunt. " _Off_ I want this off."

Lexa chuckled, sitting up and unwrapping the cloth from her chest before depositing it on the floor and laying back down next to Raven.

"Why is there anything on either of us still?" Raven lifted her back off the bed so she could slide her arm under and undo the clasp.

"We were a bit too eager to get to the good stuff." Lexa lifted her hips and pulled her shorts off, laying back down and waiting for Raven.

Raven pulled the red straps from her shoulders then tossed the bra over the side of the bed. She ran a hand down her own body, fingers dipping into the waistband of her matching red panties. She let them drift down until her fingers found her clit. Raven started to rub hard tight circles while keeping her hooded brown eyes on the green ones.

"Are you going to take those off or would you prefer to touch yourself all night?"

"Why you're just watching is the better question."

"I stripped for you, the least you could do is repay the favor."

"When I'm ready." Raven pushed the girl onto her back, crawling over to straddle her hips. She ran the fingers that were now wet with juices over Lexa's lips, tracing them and dipping between them letting her taste.

Lexa's lips wrapped around the digits, her tongue slowly cleaning them off while reveling in the taste. Her hands went to Raven's hips, holding the girl above her.

Raven rolled and rocked her hips, the soaking wet material that was left between them was the only reason she wasn't dripping.

Lexa moaned around the fingers, feeling the wet heat begin to coat her abs as Raven ground against her.

Sliding off the girl, Raven finally peeled the completely soaked panties and tossed them over the edge of the bed. For the briefest of seconds Raven felt a wave of guilt run through her body for everything that had happened the past few days. She cursed at herself but leaned down kissed Lexa as soft as she could. It was almost like a silent apology that would never be heard but hopefully felt.

Pulling the girl back down, Lexa flipped them over and began trailing kisses down the girl's front, spending extra time at her now hardened nipples.

This was one of the things that Raven had missed the most. The way Lexa knew exactly how to touch her chest, how to play with her nipples. She arched up onto the touch, the panting beginning to increase at the time went on.

Once she had given both enough attention, Lexa's mouth continued southward, before she tentatively nipped at the girl's hip.

Raven had a hand back in the long curls, helping to nudge her down so her mouth would be on her core. The throb had been rebuilding the whole time, her clit felt like it was visibly pulsing.

Slowly, Lexa kissed her way down to Raven's core, her tongue running up through the folds.

"Damn…" Raven's legs fell open just a little bit wider. She loosened her grip of hair to run her fingers through it, scratch lightly at the girls scalp while she hummed her appreciation.

One finger slowly slid into the dripping center as Lexa wrapped her lips around the pulsating bud, sucking gently.

Raven wanted to cry from the feeling of Lexa finally paying attention to clit. She was grinding down onto the girls mouth, trying to keep the slow pace of the finger pushing into her body.

Adding another finger, Lexa sped up the pace only slightly, fingers pumping and curling them as her tongue flicked over the bud. Her other hand trailed up Raven's body, fingers finding and pinching the nipple under her hand.

Wanting the pace to be a little faster, Raven tried to speed up the way her own hips rose and fell on those long fingers. The hand not tangled in her hand went to cover Lexa's, holding it firm to her breast. "I need you to go faster…"

Lexa increased the pace of her fingers, curling them up against that spot.

Raven felt the coiling in the pit of her stomach, the telltale signs that she was seconds from falling over the edge. She did, seconds later. Her body went rigid then shook as she tumbled and moaned Lexa's name like it was the only word she knew.

Lexa let up in her motions, eventually pulling out and climbing back up. "I'll never stop loving that."

Raven curled her body into the one next to her. She was still panting and shivering from the way Lexa worked her body over again. "I'll never stop loving you _doing_ that."

Lexa wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her in closer. "Thank you for the surprise."

"I needed to see you." Raven walked her fingers up the toned and scar riddled back of Lexa. "When we first talked last night...nothing felt right. I wanted to see you and _touch_ you and fuck you and kiss you." Raven leaned her head back giving her room to suck the girl's lip between her teeth. She held it there for a few seconds before letting it slide away when she pulled back.

"Mm, I like the sound of that.”

"Yeah?" Her fingers walked back down the length of her back. She started to knead and cup Lexa's ass.

“Mhmm. I think I love your hands and mouth on me just as much as you love mine on you." Lexa ground her hips against Raven.

Raven laid flat out on her back. She urged Lexa to straddle her hips and tugged her up a little. "Slide up here, Lex. I want you to ride my face."

Lexa slowly crawled up, positioning herself right over Raven's face with her hands on the headboard. "You told me on the radio not to cum without you..."

Raven wasted no time in leaning up and running her tongue through the glistening folds. She took another swipe through going from Lexa's opening to right below her clit. Resting her head back in the bed, Raven licked her lips savoring the first taste. "Did you keep your promise?" Raven wrapped her hands around the older girl’s hips and positioned her a little closer to her mouth.

"Yes I did. I didn't expect it to be so soon though." Lexa glanced down, hand grabbing at the headboard.

"I love it when you obey me. It really fucking turns me on." Raven pulled Lexa down the last little bit, tongue slicing through her folds to dip into her core. She had a strong enough hold on her hips to be able to rock the girl up and down causing her tongue to slide in and out. Raven did this for a few minutes avoiding any contact with her clit.

"Oh...fuck, Raven..." Lexa hips began rocking of their own accord as she continuously felt the presence and then absence of the younger girl's tongue.

Raven pushed her tongue as deep as it would go then dragged it back out collecting as much of the girls juices as she could before swallowing it down. She raked her nails down over the girl’s ass pressing hard enough to leave marks just as she moved her mouth up so she could take the red and hardened clit between her lips and sucking.

" _Jok_..." Lexa's head was bent down, watching Raven below her. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as the pressure built up in her abdomen.

After shifting to get more room but without pulling her mouth off of Lexa's clit, Raven slowly pushed two fingers into the wet heat then stilled.

"Raven, _beja_..." Lexa rocked forward hoping to get some sort of movement inside her.

Raven thought she had for sure leaked her own wetness down to the furs when she heard Lexa beg. She decided the girl has waited long enough. Raven pulled her fingers out slow then glides back in just has slow all the way to the knuckle. She keep the slow pace of her fingers but increased the sweep of her tongue as she assaulted the top of her clit.

" _Sha_ , just like that..." Lexa's hips continued to rock as the buildup continued.

Raven increased the speed of her fingers and started curling with every other pull outward. She opened up her eyes and started up at the girls face as it as framed between the two stiff peaks. This made her heart pound even harder than it has been, her tongue swirl faster than it was, fingers start to slam into the heated core.

"Raven...I'm close..." Everything felt so good, but Lexa was still teetering on the edge, waiting to fall over.

Raven left her fingers buried deep inside Lexa's core, her fingers curling and pressing over the spongy patch along her front wall. She pulled the girl’s clit back between her lips, tip of her tongue swirling over it relentlessly.

With a few curls, Lexa was clenching around the girl's fingers and fell over the edge with a few moans and whimpers accompanying it.

Raven pulls her mouth away taking in a few deep breaths. She turned her head and started to place soft kisses everywhere her mouth could reach along her inner thigh. Instead of slowing her hand she increased the speed. Increased how hard she was thrusting up into the tight opening.

"Raven...wait please..." Lexa could feel herself rapidly coming up on her second orgasm.

"I'm not done yet, Commander." She returned her mouth to the straining bud and pulled it back into her mouth, sucking harder than before.

She quickly fell over the edge of her second one, her entire body shaking above the girl as she rode it out.

Finally she let removed her mouth with a pop from the girl’s clit and slowly slid her fingers out trying not to hit the sensitive spots. Raven shifted down the bed far enough to be out from underneath the brunette. "Doin' okay Lex?"

"Yeah...yeah..." Lexa panting heavily, blinking in the soft light. Two in a row felt incredible but tired her out.


	51. Chapter 51

Raven sat up on her knees and pressed her front to Lexa's back. She moved the hair off to the side and kissed up the back of the girl’s neck. Putting her hands on either side of her hips, she was pulling them back so she was doing a slow grind into her backside. Her eyes landed on the rope making her moan into Lexa's ear. "I think you can't keep up..."

"It's been a little bit..." Lexa ground back against her, her head falling back on Raven's shoulder.

"And here I thought the mighty Heda had all this stamina."

"The mighty Heda does. Poor little Lexa...not so much."

Raven snapped her hips forward into Lexa's backside. "Weren't you the one that was just boasting about me not being able to walk tomorrow, Lex?”

"I can still make that come true. The harness is under the bed." Lexa pulled away and hopped off the bed, reaching underneath.

"You fucked me nearly into that desk with the mini Commander and I was still able to walk..." Raven snarked out.

Lexa stood, an eyebrow cocked. "Is that a challenge? Because I think I know what that box is over there and what's in it."

"There's a lot of stuff in that box. Sex toys aren't the only things I own Lexa."

"I can find what I need. That's if you're up for the challenge."

"Always."

Lexa walked over and popped the top off the box, opening it up and peering inside. She shifted a few things before grabbing the familiar harness and walking back over.

Raven swallowed a little harder. Of all the things in that damn box of course that would be what she pulled out. It was true that walking the day after Lexa fucked her with that particular strap on was easy but her throat after giving her a blowjob was a different story.

Lexa tossed it on the bed and crossed her arms, looking at Raven. "You want Heda? You will get Heda."

It was the way Lexa stood, arms folded and staring at her that made Raven have to grab onto the headboard to make sure she didn't fall back. Her breathing _and_ heart rate kicked up a notch. "Fuck..."

Pulling her hand out, Lexa crooked a finger, beckoning Raven closer. "I want you to put that on me."

Raven sat then scooted to the end of the bed. She was sure there was going to be wet spots following her path and she really didn't care. Just the _way_ Lexa was looking at her and then the sound of her voice, Raven's mind was already falling over the edge. She picked up the harness and moved a bit closer so she could bend down to allow Lexa to step into it. Then she pulled it up slowly over long legs, securing right up against her core and pulling the straps tight.

Lexa grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back on the bed, climbing on top of the girl. "This time I want to see your face as I take you."

Raven's hands moved into the long brunette hair, tugging the girls head down so she could nip at Lexa's lips. "Are you just going to talk or…?"

"Is that another challenge?" Lexa cocked her head to the side, her hips guiding the dildo towards its target.

"No. That's me wanting you to fuck me." Raven started to shake with the anticipation of Lexa losing herself and slipping back into the Commander.

"It sounds like a challenge. You know what happens when anyone challenges me..." Lexa leaned down and nipped hard at Raven's neck.

Raven moved her head to the side giving Lexa better access to her neck. "You're still talking." She rolled her hips, desperate for some sort of contact.

"Answer my question. What happens when someone challenges me?" Lexa used her hips to momentarily pin Raven down.

"You rise to the challenge." Raven tugged at the little hairs at the nape of Lexa's neck. "Will you stop fucking around now please?"

"Not only that-" Lexa snapped her hips forward, burying the dildo in Raven. "-I _win_ the challenge."

Raven gasped out from the force alone. The way it felt like she was split in half was a completely different story. She didn't know why but she hadn't remembered the dildo being this big but Raven gritted her teeth and swallowed down the pain.

Lexa stilled for a moment, allowing Raven time to adjust after her forceful entry before she started rocking her hips, keeping a fast pace to them.

"Jesus Christ Lex..." Raven took a few steadying breaths as she wrapped her legs around the girl, heels digging into the backs of her thighs. The pace Lexa started up had her holding tight to the back of her neck and white knuckling the furs. It was still a little painful but it only made her want Lexa to go harder.

Lexa's head dipped down and nipped at the girl's neck, her teeth digging into her pulse point. Her hips bucked forward harder with every thrust.

"I love the way you fuck me Commander." Raven had been releasing a steady string of moans and whimpers. The coiling already starting up in the pit of her stomach making her clit throb and ache.

"That's because you're _mine_." Lexa growled into Raven's ear, her nails scratching down the girl's ribcage and abs.

"Fuck _fuck_...I'm gonna…" Raven was panting and arching up off the bed, trying to hold off her orgasm a little bit longer until she heard the growl and felt Lexa's nails digging into her skin. Her core started clenching but Raven managed her hold herself from tumbling over the edge.

"Cum Raven...cum for _me_." Lexa sped up the thrusts just that much more to try and push not only her body buy her _mind_ over the edge.

Raven arched up and went rigid. Her mind crashed over the edge taking her body screaming over right behind. "Fuck Lex, please don't stop…" She was clenched so hard around the fake dick she would have wondered how Lexa was able to keep thrusting into her if her mind was capable of any rational thought.

Lexa kept the pace hard and steady as her mouth continued to roam over Raven's neck and shoulders, leaving marks everywhere she could.

The moment Raven's back dropped back down onto the bed she fell over the edge again. Her head was tossed back so far that the columns of her neck felt like they might snap. Raven had started breathing so hard and crying out so loud she wouldn't have been surprised if the whole tower heard.

"Listen to you, screaming out for the world to hear as you get fucked by Heda..." Lexa smirked against her strained neck, pressing a kiss down there.

"You act like I didn't have the Heda whimpering and begging while I fucked her into unconsciousness over on that table a week ago." Raven managed to rush out between panting and teetering on the edge again.

"At least Heda stays quiet. You, on the other hand, want every citizen to know who _owns_ your body."

"You were _not_ quiet." Raven barely managed to get out before biting her lip so she wouldn't moan too loudly. The muscles in her stomach and thighs started to quiver more from the exertion than amount of times she came.

"Quieter than you."

"Barely." She croaked out. Using some of the last bits of strength she had left, Raven dug the nails of both hands into Lexa's back and stroked down to the her ass and back up again.

"One more time for me. I know there's another in there." Lexa forced in each thrust, making sure to try and angle up to hit that spongy spot.

"Always for you..." Raven closed her eyes and let her body be pushed over the edge again. The waves crashed harder and drew out the moans making tears start to prick at the corners of her eyes. "I love what you do to me- to me body."

Lexa slowed her hips until they pulled back completely, the dildo pulling out. She sat up next to Raven and looked down at her, a hand running down the girl's body.

The loss from being filled was almost too much for Raven to handle. She felt both relieved and too empty. Raven looked up into the hooded green eyes above her. "You know I love you for more than that though, right?" Her chest was still rising and falling with the effort to catch her breath.

"Of course. You packed up and moved in two days just to come see me. If you think I don't understand your love then you're wrong. Now, how much more of Heda do you want?"

Raven let her arms fall down to the furs when she heard Lexa mention the move again. She knew they needed to talk about it but she didn't want to potentially ruin the rest of the night. Raven blinked away everything else besides being naked and in bed with Lexa. "How much more of _me_ does _Heda_ want is a better question."

"Well Heda would like The Commander cleaned off before she puts it away."

"You're gonna have to let me up if you want that." She wasn't entirely sure she would be able to take it the same she was had when they were back in Arkadia but she was going to try her best.

"Well then come on. Would you rather do this on the bed or kneeling?"

"On the bed I guess, doesn't really matter to me." She licked her lips just thinking about the way she knew doing this drove Lexa crazy.

"Well, so I don't tear your throat apart..." Lexa positioned herself, slumped against the headboard, the dildo standing and waiting for Raven.

Raven rolled over and crawled up Lexa's legs. She didn't hesitate to grip the dildo at its base and lick from her hand to the tip, swirling her tongue around the head. "Hmmm so considerate."

"Only because I love you." Lexa sat back and watched Raven slowly lick away the juices coating the dildo.

"You know shoving this down my throat has nothing to do with loving me Lexa." Raven followed up her statement by wrapping her lips around the tip then slowly working her way down. She got about half way before sliding back. She went half way down and back up a few times, brown eyes staring up into green.

"Oh I know, but if I tear your throat apart I can't listen to you say 'I love you.'" Lexa watched the girl bob on her.

Raven took Lexa's hands and placed them on the back of her head. She was definitely relieved that there wouldn't be another facefucking even though she would let Lexa do that if she really wanted.

Lexa smirked at the gesture and immediately forced Raven's head down as far as it would go.

She managed to relax her throat just in time as the dildo was forced further into her mouth and then throat. Raven breathed out heavily through her nose and held there for a few seconds before gagging and pulling up and off.

"Better? You seemed to want a bit more."

Clearing her throat, Raven shook her head a little. "What gave it away?" She didn't wait for a response, just dropped her head back down and too the fake dick into her mouth. She kept creeping down inch by inch taking nearly all of it before sliding back up only to repeat the same thing a few more times.

"Maybe I should just pull you to your knees and fuck your throat. You seem to be doing it yourself."

The dildo fell from Raven's lips with a soft pop. She sat back on her heels and stared at Lexa for a minute before she started to speak. "Lex…If that’s what you want then fine, do it. Just don't try and shove it _through_ my damn head. I keep telling you to tell me what you want, I'll either do it or let you do it. I really like letting you do anything and everything you could possibly want. Okay...?"

"I know. And I'm telling you this is fucking sexy so get your mouth back on it."

"Oh...okay." Raven surged forward wrapping her lips around the tip again. She sucked at it making sure there was no traces of her juices left before taking more into her mouth. She bobbed up and down until it was hitting the back of her throat and she wasn't feeling like she was choking.

"You don't even know how sexy this is..." Lexa ran a hand through Raven's hair, grabbing the base of her ponytail to guide her.

Hearing Lexa's words had Raven pushing the last little bit, her nose brushed against the harness. She back off a few inches then took it back into her throat causing a flood of drool to slide down her chin.

"Now that is what I like to see." Lexa sat back and watched as Raven took the entire member down her throat.

After a few minutes of moving up and down on the dick, Raven pulled it from her mouth. She wiped away some of the spit that was running down her chin, her hand coming up to grip the base and pump it like it was every bit the real thing. "You like watching me suck your dick, _Commander_?"

"Oh I _love_ it. The only thing it compares to is fucking you with my dick.”

"That part is, by far, my favorite." Raven dropped back down taking the dildo into her mouth and descending all the way until every bit of it was filling her mouth and throat. She did everything she could to suppress the urge to gag.

"I can't choose a favorite. They're both so great..."

Raven pulled off of the dildo again and sat back on her heels. She wiped away more spin while looking from Lexa's face down to her crotch. "I'm pretty sure it's clean now." Her voice was a little strained but not like it had been the last time.

"Alright good. Want to unstrap me then?" Lexa sat up a bit more.

"I'd rather watch you do it."

Lexa stood up and carefully unbuckled everything, letting the harness fall to the floor. "Can I try something?"

"Didn't I just say you can do anything you want?" Raven felt her pulse skip a few beats as she watched the Commander.

"Well, this one has nothing to do with sex."

"Oh well…yeah. What- uhm what is it?"

"I...uh...wanted to try braiding your hair." Lexa stood there, shifting her weight slightly.

Raven was up on her knees and stretching to press a few kisses to Lexa's lips. "Of course, Lex."

Lexa smiled. "Sit up on your knees then."

"Facing you or..?"

"No away."

Raven turned around settling on her knees, legs crossed at the ankle.

Lexa carefully reached up, pulling the hair tie out and running her fingers through the locks.

The groan Raven let fall from her lips would have been sinful if it was heard by anyone else. The way Lexa's fingers felt moving through her hair could easily be one of the best things she'd ever experienced.

Lexa ran her fingers through a couple times, getting out the few knots that their previous activities had caused. She then started right at her neck, grabbing a small chunk behind her ear and weaving the strands together.

Raven closed her eyes, humming lightly as she relaxed into the way Lexa's fingers worked. "I could get used to this, Lex."

"I think a few braids would look good on you. Plus I haven't gotten to braid anyone's hair in years."

"This is just another thing to add to the list of things that make your fingers magical." Raven leaned back a tiny bit wanting to feel the girl against her back.

Lexa finished off the first braid and secured it before moving to the other side, mirroring the first braid. "Then we should do this more often."

"Did you do this a lot?" Again Raven sighed into the feeling Lexa was giving her.

"A few times." Lexa finished the second braid and did one last one right at the base of her skull.

"Is this your subtle way of trying to convert me into a grounder?" Raven let out a soft chuckle.

"Maybe." Lexa smiled, finishing off the last braid. "There. You can see them when you put your hair back up."

Raven pulled her hair back and slung it up in her usual ponytail. She turned her head from side to side a few times getting used to the new feeling. Turning to face Lexa, Raven grinned up at her. "Only you would want to watch me give you a blowjob and then want to braid my hair."

"Shh. Forget that."

"Yeah…Somehow I don't think that's happening Lex."

"Probably not."

~

Clarke made her way through the dwindling crowd of the market towards the tower. She wasn't stalling but she wasn't exactly in a rush either. Raven's decision to make the drive with her had unsettled her way more than she wanted to admit, would admit. Taking more than a few breaths to calm her fraying nerves, Clarke climbed the few flights of stairs to Anya's floor then moved through the hall to her room. Clarke knocked softly a few times then waited.

Anya had just finished straightening up when she heard the knock at her door. She had seen the rover come in so she was anticipating Clarke's return. Pulling open the door, she smiled upon seeing the blonde. "How was your trip?"

"Long. Raven- she decided to come." Clarke didn't know what to really say about it. Sure Anya knew how she felt but that couldn't explain everything away.

Anya looked confused for a moment as she stepped aside to allow Clarke into the room. "Raven is here? In Polis?"

Slipping in passed Anya, Clarke walked until she was in the middle of the open space. She waited for the woman to join her before answering.

Anya closed and locked the door, sensing something was wrong. "Clarke...?"

"Yeah-" She nodded, her eyes roaming every corner of the room before landing on the light brown pair in front of her. "Here. In Polis."

"And you don't want her here? Or you don't want to be near her?" Anya sat down on the small couch, patting the seat next to her.

Clarke paced around a couple times before taking the seat next to her. "I don't know. I can't say yes but I can't say no either."

"Then why don't you just speak what's on your mind? Maybe that will help, or I could even help."

"I think I wanted to be where she wasn't for a little while. Just be _here_ with you. Figuring out what _this_ is." Clarke placed her hand on Anya's thigh, her thumb starting to draw circles.

"And your feelings for her? Have they changed?" Anya placed her own hand over Clarke's, holding it there.

She opened her mouth but couldn't get the word out. Her eyes fell to her lap as she shook her head.

"Stronger...I can see that. Does she know now?"

"More or less, I'd say she might. Should it even matter?" The line of questioning was leaving Clarke feeling even more unsettled. She knew how Anya felt about her, knew what she was willing to do for her but this…This felt sideways and twisted and Clarke didn't know what to think.

Anya sat for a moment, trying to find something to say, but the words would not come. Nothing felt right, and the silence made it even worse.

Clearing her throat, Clarke stood thinking it would probably be best to head up to her own bedroom for the night. "Usual meeting in the morning?"

"I believe so...either way Heda will want to see you." She sat, fists clenched in her lap, still looking straight ahead.

"I did miss you…But I'm also not going to lie to you. "Clarke had taken a few steps towards the door then turned to look back.

"Why would you need to lie? And why do you feel the need to leave?"

"I don't know!" Clarke huffed out. "I don't intend to lie to- _fuck_ …I kissed her."

"When? After we left Arkadia?" Anya stood and walked over to her, careful to not scare her away.

"Yeah it was after you left. Look, I'm sorry okay? You don't deserve any of this mess that I keep making."

"Clarke, please. You're confused right now, I get it. Your feelings towards Raven are getting in the way of everything else. I told you before that I'd help you get past this, and that offer is still open. It starts with you staying here tonight and not leaving."

"Anya…I don't _want_ to leave but you have to know something. This isn't the type of thing you can help me get past."

"I know. But I'm going to help you in every way I can."

"Well then maybe you don't tell me I'm confused? That's like you being told that you're confused."

"That means you know exactly what you want, and even I can see that it's not in this room."

"I never said that I didn't _want_ you. I thought I made that very clear before you left to come back here."

"But yet here you are, still worrying about Raven. You want us both but there's one you can't have."

"You're right, I do worry about her. And I _do_ want you both." Clarke dropped her eyes quickly to the floor then look back up into the caramel colored pair. "So maybe…Maybe you take a little more time and figure out if you still want this."

"I do want this. I want _you_. I want you to know I'm here for you too. You can figure this out, I know you can."

"I know you are but I'm really starting to think this isn't gonna be a figure it out sort of thing. At first I thought it was…But now...?" Clarke shrugged.

"I don't want you to leave either." Anya looked straight at her, hoping that she would understand.

Clarke leaned her body into the warriors, her forehead coming to rest near her temple. "I don't know what’s fair or right or wrong anymore. I told you, I don't want to leave and I feel like I'm chasing a ghost."

"Then don't leave. Stay until you know exactly what it is you're chasing. Then you can decide what you really want." Anya wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her in tight against her.

Getting lost in the feeling of being in Anya's arms, Clarke nudged their noses together. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I told you, as long as you're happy, I'll be okay. Whatever path that may be I will accept."

"Can we pick up where we left off before you left Arkadia?" Clarke nosed the woman's cheek down to her jaw, breath coming out heavier. "Being with you...it makes me happy."

"If it helps take your mind off of things I'm all for it. Come, let's continue where we were." Anya smirked and unwrapped her arms, taking Clarke's hand and pulling her gently towards the bed.


	52. Chapter 52

The sun had just started to filter light into the room when Raven started to come back into consciousness. Her whole body felt like it was boiling and she could feel a curtain of brunette hair covering her fair. Peeling one eye half open, Raven was able to see Lexa's face right above hers. Her lips were sleep puckered and Raven had to restrain herself from running her finger over them.

Raven spent the next however many minutes just watching Lexa sleep. She hadn't moved, just opened her other eye and took in the sight. There was still the hint of Clarke's words swirling in the back of her mind but even that couldn't compete with what she felt in those few moments. Not able to hold herself back any long, Raven leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Lexa's lips.

Lexa shifted slightly, the movement next to her causing her to readjust on the bed. She was still too deeply asleep to register the kiss but her body still reacted, head tilting slightly as Raven's lips touched her own.

Raven pulled away as gently as she could, not wanting to wake the girl. She reached up and tied the ropes around Lexa's wrists but leaving them loose enough as to not alert her, she knew they'd tighten on their own once tugged on. Sitting back on the bed, Raven admired every inch of skin her eyes could see. She continued her crawl down the bed and positioned herself right between Lexa's legs with her mouth drooling from the scent flooding her senses, she took a deep breath in. Raven leaned in and ran her tongue through the damp curls and folds a few times before entering the girl with two fingers to the knuckle.

As Raven slowly started to work her, Lexa shifted around on the bed, her breaths picking up slightly. Her arms tugged gently at the ropes as she moved, tightening them around her wrists. A few breathy moans made their way out of her chest as her body slowly woke up to the new sensation.

Raven ran her tongue over every inch of the girl’s folds. She nibbled and sucked and licked and swirled around her clit. She did this again and again. Her fingers started a slow pace in and out, picking up speed every few thrusts.

Slowly Lexa's body woke to the touch of Raven's tongue, her eyes opening with a moan. Blinking in the sunlight, she first looked down at the girl between her legs and went to thread her fingers in the girl's hair, only to find her wrists restrained. "Raven...?"

"Hmm?" Raven opened her eyes to look up. She keep her tongue working over the girl, the tip teasing at her clit. Her fingers sped up some more as she entered a third to the mix.

"Oh, fu...good morning to you too." Lexa chuckled in between moans. While she was asleep the buildup had been nice and slow, easing her awake, but now she could feel herself rapidly approaching the edge with each pump, curl, or flick.

Raven pulled her mouth off of Lexa and withdrew her fingers. She crawled up her body straddling her hips and sitting heavily right on her pelvis. "Morning, Lex."

Lexa whined at the loss of all contact. "No go back, please! Keep doing that..."

"I should put that harness on. Take you the same way you took me. That thing is really fucking big. Maybe we should see how you handle it?" The whole time Raven was talking she was grinding and running her wet center up to Lexa's stomach and back down.

"Raven...I need your mouth back on me please...There's a meeting soon..."

"Oh I think we have enough time for me to fuck you with the commander."

"Shit Raven...come on..."

Swiping her finger down through her own folds, Raven gathered some juices up then offered it to the tied up brunette. "Taste?"

Lexa's lips wrapped greedily around the digit, sucking the juices off and fully cleaning it with her tongue before releasing it. "Mm, delicious."

"Just like you." Raven wasted no more time and dropped back between Lexa's thighs. She slid three fingers back in and pumped a few times before curling in search of that spot. She reattached her mouth to the girl’s clit, pulling it deep into her mouth and sucking.

"Just like that..." Lexa's head rolled back against the pillows, her wrists tugging at the ropes as the buildup continued from where it had left off.

"I want you to cum in my mouth, Lex." Raven pulled her mouth away replacing it with her other hand, fingers rubbing tight hard circling over her clit. She kept the fingers already in Lexa slamming into her as much as she could with the awkward angle.

Nodding rapidly would have to suffice since Lexa was reduced to nothing but whimpers and moans as Raven's fingers worked her over.

Raven pushed her fingers as deep as she could and held them there. She curled and pressed that front wall until she felt her fingers being squeezed. "Cum for me." She growled out then positioned her mouth so she could drink up everything Lexa would give her.

Arching up as much as she could, Lexa felt the juices rush out of her as a string of incoherent obscenities flowed from her mouth.

The moan that Raven let out was just as garbled as Lexa's ramblings. She held her tongue out and waiting for the juices, being rewarded with one of the best things she'd ever tasted. She lapped and licked and sucked every last bit after pulling her fingers from her. Raven helped her through the last bits of her orgasm before she crawled up Lexa's body and quickly undid the ropes.

"Well then...good morning to you too."

Raven laid herself out next to Lexa, one leg slung over her. She kissed up her jaw then moved over to trace her lips with the tip of her tongue. "You always taste so damn good."

"Probably as good as you taste." Lexa smiled, her fingers running over Raven's cheek.

"I would debate that of I didn't already know what they taste like combined." Raven turned her head to kiss the girl's fingers. "I should have kept you tied up until Anya came looking for you again."

"Listen, she's already made fun of me for the fact that I am late to meetings while she does the same activities and is still on time. Which reminds me, I need to get ready soon." Lexa leaned over and kissed Raven's check.

Raven tried to hold it in but the bubble of laughter made its way passed her lips. "Right. The morning after I broke you."

"Shh." Lexa smirked, then rolled over and stood up, stretching out before walking over into the bathroom.

"You should know by now that shhing me doesn't work, Lex." Raven called over her shoulder.

"It will eventually."

"I love it when you're wrong." Raven was now laid flat out on her back, arms out to the side and legs spread.

"I'm not wrong. I'm optimistic." Lexa came back out and walked to the closet, pulling out her clothing.

"If that's what being wrong is called these days." Raven glanced over at the now half-dressed Commander. "You can always come over here and test out how quiet you can make me."

"And then be late to my meeting and ridiculed by Anya."

"It's all about making good choices, Commander."

"Mm, I wish.

"So do I."

"Are you going to head back to the workshop today?" Lexa pulled on the last of her clothes, walking back over to the bed.

Raven chewed on her upper lip for a minute, her mind going back to the realities of being back in Polis. "Yeah in a little bit."

"Alright. I'll stop by later then." Lexa leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Raven's lips before heading for the door.

~

As had happened upstairs, Anya had woken to the first rays of sunlight streaming in through the window, lighting up the room around them. Blonde hair was splayed out on the pillow next to her as she looked down and saw Clarke's still sleeping face, exactly where she had fallen asleep the previous night. The furs were bunched up near her hips, leaving her entire upper body out in the open. Anya sat up carefully and looked down at her, her eyes taking in the sight of her body as well as the now purple bruise on her neck.

Clarke stirred at the loss of contact from the blonde. Not enough to pull her from sleep, she rolled half on her side reaching out for the body that had been there.

Smiling, Anya gently rolled her back over and climbed on top of her, holding herself above the girl's body so as to not wake her just yet. Her lips pressed a soft kiss into the girl's jaw and trailed more light kisses down the front of her body.

Clarke started to stir at the first press of lips to her jaw. She hadn't fully opened her eyes yet but did have one squinting into the light of the room. The way Anya had been continuing to kiss down her body was the best possible way she could think of to be woken up. "I hope this isn't a dream." She said, voice still gravelly from sleep and exhaustion from the night before's activities.

Anya didn't respond, only continued kissing down the girl's body. She pushed the furs out of the way and slowly spread her legs, head dipping down and running her tongue once through the now damp folds.

"Oooh please don't be a dream…" Clarke spread her legs a little bit wider for her. She had been pushed over the edge so many times the night before that Clarke wasn't sure if she had even fully recovered yet.

Taking one leg and slinging it over her shoulder, Anya flicked her tongue through the folds again, slowly sliding one finger into the dripping heat. "Mm, not a dream, but a wakeup call."

"Christ Anya..." Clarke's chest was rising and falling with her heavy breaths. She brought one hand up to pinch and roll her own nipple, the other hand dropping to the back of Anya's head to hold her in place.

As she slowly pumped the first finger inside of her, Anya's lips wrapped around the swollen bud and sucked it into her mouth, flicking over it with her tongue several times before releasing it.

Clarke's back arched right up off the bed. " _Fuck fuck fuuuck_ keep doing that!" She dropped both of her hands to the bed and grabbed fists full of fur.

Anya didn't return back to the girl's clit. Instead, she slipped another finger inside her, increasing the pace and curling them against her front wall.

Clarke ground her hips as best she could with Anya's pace. The tug in her belly starting to increase and spread through her core. "Anya…please?" She was so close, needing that last little push.

"Mm, I don't know. I love seeing you squirm in my bed." She smirked and stuck her tongue out, giving her clit a small flick.

Clarke raised her head and glared down at the blonde. The way Anya's fingers had been working her over kept her right on the edge. "I'll do it my damn self if you don't." She cried out with the quick contact to her clit then whimpered at its loss.

"Touch yourself and I will cease all movements _and_ pin you down so you can't do anything." Anya cocked an eyebrow, her fingers continuing the pace.

Clarke tried rocking her hips faster and harder to hopefully gain that last little push. Sometimes she could cum from penetration alone but after the night before and how many times and ways…she needed that little bit more.

Finally deciding that Clarke had endured enough time on edge, Anya wrapped her lips around the bud again and sucked hard on it.

Clarke felt like the air had been pushed from her lungs when she finally fell over the edge. She held on to the furs, moaning softly and whimpering and trying not to wrap her leg around the woman's neck.

Continuing to pump and curl her fingers, Anya let her tongue run and flick over the bud, not giving Clarke any break from it.

The clenching and twisting in Clarke's stomach had her moaning out louder and longer. Anya had done the same thing to her over and over the night before and every time she came harder than the last, this time being no exception. "Jesus Christ Ahn!"

This time, Anya held the bud in her mouth, but instead of using her tongue, she gently ran her teeth over it, hoping to get one last release out of the girl.

Clarke heard herself saying things but what they were she was positive was not intelligible. It had felt like every muscle in her body spasmed as she was pushed into another wave. When she started to finally come back down again, Clarke pushed on Anya's head hoping to get her to stop. "Fuck Anya…you have to stop or let me catch my breath."

Anya pulled her mouth off and slowly extracted her fingers before kissing her way back up Clarke's body to her mouth.

"I'm pretty sure I can't feel my legs anymore, not that I'm complaining because…Holy shit!" Clarke pressed a few kisses to Anya's lips then licked away some of her own juices from around her mouth.

"Between last night and now, I would hope so." The warrior laughed as she laid next to the girl, propping herself up on her side and looking over her again.

"I don't even remember falling asleep." Clarke covered her mouth as she yawned and stretched out. Her body had an ache all over but she welcomed it.

"You passed out after a particularly explosive session." Anya's fingers ran up and down the girl's ribs, just gently touching the skin under them.

"So was this paybacks for the other night in Arkadia?" Clarke sighed at the soft touch and shifted to her side. She leaned in to kiss Anya chin, then settled back so she could look into the light brown eyes.

"No, it was an 'I missed you.'" Anya smiled, watching the girl move next to her.

Clarke couldn't hold back the smile that spread across her face. "Almost makes me want to go away more often..." She leaned in again to press a soft slow kiss to the woman's lips. "But then _I_ would only end up missing _you_ too much.”

"Mm, this bed is kinda big for only one person. And it gets cold without you here." Anya tucked once of the blonde locks behind Clarke's ear, letting her fingers trace the girl's jaw.

Pushing into the touch, Clarke let out another soft sigh that stayed mostly in the back of her throat. "Who would have thought that with such a tough exterior you'd be like this…"

"I can let it down when I want."

Not wanting to reopen the conversation from the Night before and feeling the weight of the moment getting heavier, Clarke rolled away and stood drink the bed. "We don't want to be late."

"We both know Lexa will be though." Anya stood, stretching for a moment.

Clarke forced out a laugh. "She isn't a morning person to begin with so…"

Anya walked over to the closet, grabbing her clothing and beginning to get dressed.

Clarke picked up and put back on her clothes that were scattered all around the room. She mostly kept her head down, the comment about Lexa bothering her more than she wanted it to. "I'll see you there, I need to stop in my room first."

"Alright. I'm going to head upstairs then."

Clarke pressed a quick kiss into Anya's cheek then slipped out the door. Not wanting to wait for the elevator, she opted for the stairs hoping the climb would help her clear her mind.

Anya left the room shortly after, taking the elevator up to the throne room.

~

Anya walked back over to Lexa after sharing a few hushed words with Clarke before she left. "You seem much more relaxed this morning, Heda. I take it you had a good night?"

"I believe you know the answer to that one. You too?" Lexa smiled as she sat forward on the throne, the remaining ambassadors slowly left, leaving the two warriors alone.

Anya sat herself in the chair closest to the throne. She waited a beat before returning her focus to Lexa. "For the most part, _sha_."

"It was definitely a surprise to see Raven here. At least we can cancel my trip to Arkadia." Lexa glanced over at the older warrior. "Something's wrong. Is it Clarke?"

"How did Raven seem to you?" Anya watched the younger warrior closely knowing she couldn't exactly explain in full as to why she was asking.

"What do you mean? She seemed fine but didn't want to talk much, especially about moving here."

"So there wasn't any talk of her having left Arkadia permanently?" Anya moved to her feet, her hands clasped in front of her body.

"I assume she did, since she came in with a bag and box. But she didn't want to talk about it. There wasn't a whole lot of talking last night anyway."

"All that and you managed to be here early this morning?" Anya laughed at herself. "So I take it there was no mention of Clarke?"

"Not that I can recall. I was almost late but I managed to pull myself away and get here on time."

"I think you need to talk to her. About being here." Anya leveled her gaze on Lexa, waiting for the girl meet her eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" Lexa looked up, meeting her eyes and holding her gaze.

"I think you should go talk to her first. You should probably talk to her about Clarke as well."

"Why? Did something happen with Clarke?"

"You know better than I, about how they are. Just go talk to her." Anya gave a quick nod before retreating towards the door. Stopping, she called back over her shoulder. "Maybe there is a different way of looking at this."

Lexa stayed seated for a moment, contemplating her advisor's words. Once she was alone in the room, she stood and walked out onto the balcony, looking over the city and letting the air clear her head. Her eyes landed on the workshop before she turned and made her way to the elevator, keeping Anya's words in her mind.


	53. Chapter 53

Raven finally sat on the bench that lined the back wall after cleaning up the mess that she had left behind. She had been trying to stay busy, keep her mind from drifting and wandering. Not think about Clarke. Figure out how to tell Lexa she hadn't come to a decision about a permanent move to Polis.

Lexa knocked on the door before entering and walking past the shelves, smiling as she came around the corner and saw Raven.

Raven had been so deep in her thoughts about everything that she didn't hear the knock, didn't notice the light filtering through the opened door. She looked up catching the movement, her eyes landing on Lexa. Raven stood, walked to where the brunette had stopped and leaned in to kiss her lips.

"I see you've readjusted here. Cleaned a bit too." Lexa walked over to the bench, looking at the various bits left there before turning back to Raven. "How was the rest of your morning?"

"This is all I've done so far. I still have to set up the solar panels and connect my computer. Other things like that." Raven pressed herself further into Lexa as she pointed at and nodded to the various things around the room that she was talking about. "How was your morning, meeting?"

"Same as usual. Ambassadors complaining and squabbling, me being bored. I missed you." Lexa smiled, wrapping her arms around the girl. "I love listening to you talking about all this stuff in here."

"Well I missed you too." Raven let out a soft little laugh, settling into her arms. "And you usually look like I'm torturing you when I talk about this stuff."

"I am confused by most of this, but you always sound so excited when you start going on about how this thing controls this and...whatever." Lexa laughed, trying to wrap her head around the technological speak.

"Kind of like you with your knives and swords and daggers." Raven nosed Lexa's chin, enjoying the moment.

"Now that I can educate you on very well." Lexa smiled again, nuzzling herself against Raven's head and just breathing in the scent.

"I know how sharp blades work, Lex"

"They're not just sharp blades! There's a huge amount of grace and finesse needed to wield those 'sharp blades.'"

Raven ran her hands up and down the girl's back a few times. She brought her hands around to the front of Lexa's body, fingers toying with the handle of the dagger at her hip. "Well you definitely know how to wield things."

"Years of training and fighting will help with that. Now then, I think I promised you an official tour of Polis this afternoon?"

"Lex, you do realize I had been here for a month right? I did see just about everything."

"Not by Heda's side though. Things are quite different if you walk with me. Plus, I know a few secret spots to show you."

"By the Commander's side…but tell me about these secret spots?"

"Places I go when I need to get away for a little bit."

"Well who could say no to that?"

"Then shall we?" Lexa offered her arm to Raven, waiting for the girl to accept.

"Wait you-" Raven looked to the arm being offered to her, a little shocked and confused and excited. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. People are catching on so they should get used to us together."

Raven continued to stare at the arm being offered to her. She heard the words and understood them but it was still a lot to take it. She knew the short exchange they shared before Lexa had left Arkadia was big but this was where _her_ people were. "Okay...As long as you're sure" She breathed out before looping her arm with Lexa's.

"So, since you know so much about Polis already, where would you like to start?"

"Forget about what I said. Show me…everything you want me to see."

"Well, let's start here in the market then. Expect quite a few gifts."

"As long as it isn't that _candy_ you shoved in my mouth. I did _not_ like that stuff."

"There must be something wrong with you then because that candy was _delicious_." Lexa laughed as she led Raven outside and into the marketplace.

"You shouldn't be so critical of my taste. You're easily top 2."

"Top 2?!" Lexa looked at her with wide eyes. "Why am I not the top spot?"

Raven just smiled and tugged Lexa forward. "Food. Sustenance."

"I would think I still taste better than that." Lexa walked her through the market, waving to some people and stopping by occasional stalls.

"I could drink you every day, Lex. You don't have to worry about that." Raven gave a gentle squeeze to the Commander's arm. She looked up and around catching a kind smile from some of the vendors every so often. She watched as the people bowed their heads as they walked by, offered them trinkets or foods or whatever they could spare.

Lexa offered most of the gifts to Raven with the exception of a small bag of candy that she kept to herself.

"Lex? I really don't want to take these things." Raven looked around them, at the people as they waited and clamored just to be near their Heda. "They give these things to _you_ not me. All this stuff is used for trading…"

"Anything that's mine is also yours. Beside, once they see you around more I expect them to offer things to you." As she said this, a little boy ran up to Raven and tugged on her shirt, offering her a leather bracelet.

Raven accepted the bracelet and ruffled the boy's hair while thanking him. Once he ran off, Raven turned her eyes to Lexa. "I'm not here permanently. I should have told you sooner." The words spilled from her lips.

"You're not? But I thought..." Lexa stopped for a moment, thinking, then nodding. "We can speak later in private."

"Lex, I-" Raven stood there feel awkward.

"Later, please?" Lexa looked down at the girl, pleading with her eyes. She didn't want to ruin the moment currently.

Raven looked back up into Lexa's eyes and nodded. "Okay, alright. Later."

Lexa nodded in return, looking back at the crowd as they made their way through.

Raven's grip on Lexa's arm loosened. Between the little things she was carrying now and the change in both of their moods, Raven felt more like she was being pulled along than anything else.

Once they had reached the end of the market Lexa pulled Raven off to the side and around a few buildings, coming to a small clearing near the wall. "Here's one of those places I told you about."

Coming to a stop, Raven looked around then back to Lexa. If it hadn't been for the things she was juggling in her hands and the slight shift in mood she would have thought it felt like the time Lexa had fucked her against the wall outside by the sparring pits. "Okay…?"

"No one comes back here so it's a nice place to just relax." Lexa took some of the items from her hands to help her out. "And now that we're alone..."

Raven held out the bracelet and her arm to Lexa motioning for her to put it in her. She noticed the little changes in the girl’s mood but was trying not to acknowledge them just yet. "Can you?"

Lexa put down the other gifts and helped her secure the bracelet to her wrist. "You said before...this move isn't permanent?"

"No.. Not yet." Raven laced their fingers together after the bracelet has been secured. There was still so much on her mind that she really didn't know what _to_ say or what she even _should_ say. "I'm here now though. I figured yesterday was a good chance to come back. For now."

"How long do you plan on staying?" Lexa squeezed her hand slightly, pulling the girl closer.

"I don't have a timeline. If something comes up in Arkadia I'll have to deal with that. I just didn't want to be there alone."

"Which we already discussed with Kane. Even if you are here permanently, if Arkadia needs something they can ask you to come back. There's something else wrong though..."

“ _We_ didn't discuss it with Kane. _You_ tried to barter for me. _I_ made a temporary deal."

"What do you mean, temporary deal?"

"Not temporary like that. If I'm going to be here it's because _I_ want to be! Not because of some trade agreement between you and Kane! I have enough to deal with, I don't need that too..." Somewhere in the back of her mind Raven knew she was being a little unfair but she wasn't going to be treated like a possession.

"That was never my intention _ai hodnes_. I know how important your skills are to Arkadia. The only reason I asked Kane was to make sure that if _you_ wanted to come here with me that Arkadia wouldn't fall apart without you. Every time I asked Kane it was always 'if Raven wants to move.' It was always your decision."

"You should have asked me first. Not Kane or Abby or anyone else. You knew I didn't want to go back and be away from you and you knew I wanted to stay…It would have been nice if you came to me and asked me what we could have done to figure this out." Raven pulled away taking a step back.

"I'm sorry, I should have...it was when I first arrived in Arkadia, and you were avoiding me. I should have asked you..." Lexa turned away, chewing at her lip.

Raven walked around until she was standing in front of the brunette again. "I'm here now. With you. Can we just leave it at that?"

"Yeah...yeah, I'd like that better." Lexa nodded, finally looking up at the girl.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Raven leaned forward pressing their foreheads together. "Good. Me too.. Now do you want to continue or...?"

“It’s up to you.”

"Lex…This was your idea."

"I know, but would you like to see more or end this here?"

"I'm out here, with you. In a way that shows that I'm yours. How could I not want more of that?"

"Then let us move on." Lexa signaled for one of the guards nearby to take the gifts back to the tower before offering her arm to Raven again.

"Wait!" Pulling Lexa back around to face her, Raven smashed their lips together. She bit and tugged at her bottom lip then licked out over it. She let her hands roam up the girls back to her shoulders, holding tight to her.

Lexa's arms automatically wrapped around her waist, pulling Raven that much closer to her as she moaned into the girl's mouth.

"Just in case it wasn't clear about how I feel..." She managed to get out in between kisses and nips.

"Oh, it's perfectly clear, but please keep reminding me." Lexa pulled away, pressing their foreheads together.

"That's always my plan." Raven dropped a playful kiss to the girl's nose. She turned her head a bit to the side sighing happily until her mind flashed back to Clarke and the last things she said before they parted the night before. She suppressed her groan at the thought but pulled back anyway, held out her hand and waited.

Lexa took her hand and intertwined their fingers before pulling her back out onto the road and towards another part of the city.

Raven started to slow her pace down a little bit. The brace was still squeezing her calf more than she had been used to and she hadn't had the time to adjust it again. "Slow down just a little." She grumbled out, hating having to ask.

"I'm sorry, am I going too fast?" Lexa stopped for a moment to let Raven rest before starting out, slower this time.

"Yeah. Needs to be adjusted again."

"And I know you can do that yourself, correct?"

"Who else would do it?" Raven turned her head away from Lexa, feeling eyes on her. She scanned the area until she saw the blue eyes watching her.

Lexa looked at Raven, her brow furrowing until she looked in the same direction, seeing the same blue eyes.

Raven couldn't help the small smile that started to form on her lips before turning her attention back to Lexa. "I'll do it when I go back to the workshop."

"Alright...let's go then." Lexa locked eyes with the blonde again before tugging on Raven's hand, pulling her back down the path a little rougher than before. Anya's words from this morning clouded her head when she turned away from Clarke. She could feel the anger bubbling up again, but she couldn't let that control her again like it did in Arkadia.

Raven yanked her hand from Lexa's grasp and came to a complete stop. "Slow down means actually slow the hell down, Lex. Not drag me like a rag doll."

"Sorry, let's just go alright?" Lexa turned, staring at the brunette. She wanted to get as far from the blonde as she could right now.

"Where exactly are we going?

"We're going back to the tower. I think our tour is over now." Lexa turned and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards the tower. She was _not_ letting Clarke anywhere near them.

Raven was stuck midway between annoyed by being dragged along and semi turned on. She had seen this side of Lexa a few times. The way her voice sounded when she was teetering on being aggressive made her head spin. "I'm not saying I don't like it when you're like this but you don't have to drag me."

Lexa stopped short and pulled Raven against her harshly, growling in her ear. "Either you follow me or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you up there."

"Again, I'll repeat. Not that I don't really love it when you're like this…but did I miss something?" Raven looked back behind her then back to Lexa.

"It's nothing, come on." Lexa tugged at her hand again.

"Doesn't seem like nothing..." Raven mumbled to herself but let herself be dragged along anyway.

Lexa went straight inside and into the elevator, pulling Raven against her as the lift rose.

Raven felt the tension both in the air and in Lexa. She pushed into the girl, kissing her jaw softly trying to relax her.

Lexa stood there, jaw and fists clenched. She didn't want Clarke anywhere near Raven, and just seeing her today had pushed her back into her possessive mode.

Raven kissed from Lexa's jaw over to her ear. She nibbled on the lobe and pulled it into her mouth as the elevator finally came to a stop. "Tell me what's wrong _Commander_."

"Let's go." Lexa immediately stepped away from the girl and out, walking into her room without waiting for Raven to follow.

Raven walked out in a sort of daze after Lexa. For a split second she thought that maybe it had to do with seeing Clarke but pushed that out of her head figuring that was own guilt leaking through again. Walking the short distance to the door, Raven stepped in after giving the guards a slight nod.

Lexa was at the window, looking out over the city again, hands clasped behind her back, chin jutted out. She always resorted back to being Heda when she got upset. It was the only way she could push the feelings aside.

Stepping up behind Lexa, Raven wrapped an arm around her. "Hey…tell me what's wrong?" She pressed a kiss to side of Lexa's head right under her ear.

"Nothing...it's stupid." Lexa didn't turn, only relaxed slightly, her chin dropping as she looked over her shoulder.

"Okay, if you don't want to tell me I won't push as to why you nearly pulled my arm out of its socket." Raven wrapped her arm tighter and breathed in all the smells that made Lexa smell like Lexa.

Lexa huffed and turned in Raven's arms, glancing down at the girl. She couldn't help but let everything spill out. "I don't want Clarke anywhere near you. I don't trust her."

"Lex…" Raven shook her head feeling a little unsure of where this had come from. "What-what uhh…why would you say that?"

"Previous activities. Her in the same room as you, talking to me over the radio, threatening to take you back to her room and-" Lexa stopped, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I don't want her near you."

Raven stared wide-eyed for a minute. She thought for a split second that her /dream/ might not have been a dream then shook herself out of it. "Lex, I know Clarke wouldn't come out and just say something like that unless she was joking around with you."

"I don't care. It's been one too many times and I'm not losing you. I see the way you two look at each other."

"And yet I'm here with _you_." Raven tried to deny the way she would sometimes look at Clarke. Instead she stood there with her jaw clenched because she couldn't deny any of it. She loved and wanted to be _with_ Lexa but she definitely had major feelings for Clarke even if she couldn't do anything about it.

"But how long is it going to be like that? How long until you can't stay any longer? Am I just supposed to sit here and let you slowly slip away? I can't do that Raven. I _need_ you."

"She's with Anya and I'm with you, Lex. That's how it is- _what_ is it, okay? And I need you too because nothing feels right without you."

"Exactly. That why I want you here with me...and away from her." Lexa pulled her in close against her, their faces a mere inches apart. "I won't lose you."

Raven felt her heart rate kick up a few notches from how close they were. Her breathing increased making her chest start to visibly rise and fall with the effort. "She knows I choose you."

"And she'll know you're _mine_." Lexa growled then captured her lips in another bruising kiss.

Raven pressed herself into Lexa as much as she could. She kissed back as much got and some, licking into the girl’s mouth trying to taste every bit of her. The growl had her center twitching and she was sure she would be wet if she checked.

Lexa turned them around and pushed Raven back towards the bed, pushing her down and climbing on top of her and reconnecting their lips.

The feeling of Lexa's weight pressing her into the furs had Raven rocking her hips. She couldn't even fully describe how much she loved it when Lexa all out fucked her but this feeling? Being pinned beneath her before anything really happened always made Raven's mind start to spin and grow hazy.

Lexa's mouth trailed down her jaw and neck, harshly nipping at the skin, making sure to leave marks. She wanted _everyone_ to know that Raven was hers.

"Fuck Lex…I'm sure everyone will know I'm yours..." Raven had one hand buried in the still braided brown locks, the other trying to undo the buckles and belts of the girl's jacket but failing. "Off! I need this all off, there are too many layers!"

Lexa's hands swatted Raven's away and quickly undid the belt and buckles, throwing her jacket to the side.

Raven leaned up on her elbows the second Lexa had sat up. Her eyes took in the way she was being looked at and it only made her arousal kick up a notch. "Does that do it for you Lex? People seeing me and knowing who I belong to?"

“It helps, but not completely." Lexa's hands went to Raven's shirt and ripped it up over her head, tossing it to the side. Her head dove back at the girl's neck, nipping at the skin again.

"What if someone else-" Raven dropped her head back onto the bed giving Lexa more access to her neck "-didn't care about that…?"

"They'd have to answer to me. And I will not show any mercy." Lexa sat up again and removed her own shirt before climbing off the bed and unstrapping the brace around Raven's leg. Letting it clatter to the floor, Lexa made quick work of the girl's boots and pants as well as her own before climbing back on the bed, just hovering over Raven.

The ache between Raven's legs was driving her crazy. The way Lexa was taking control was causing her to keep pushing like she had back in Arkadia. See how far she could go, how much she could get away with. How long before Lexa switched over to full Commander mode. "But how much mercy would you show me is the better question..."

"Let me put it this way: it will make our little office session in Arkadia seem like a nice, gentle round of sex." Lexa let her teeth sink right in the Raven's pulse point, then pulled off and watched the bruise rise to the skin quickly.

Raven nearly lost her breath from the pain of the bite. She groaned and gripped the back of Lexa's neck, pulling on the little hairs there. What Lexa had said made her entire body tingle and ache with want, what Lexa did made her a little worried and then turned on.

Lexa let her mouth continue down the girl's body, teeth nipping at the skin wherever she could get to.

Raven dug her nails into Lexa's neck as she made her way down. Some of the nips and bites making her squirm. The throbbing in her core was so strong she could have begged to be touched if she wasn't aware of how Lexa would more than likely respond to that.

Lexa sat up as much as she could, pulling Raven up with her so she could reach around her back to unclip her bra. Tossing the fabric to the side, Lexa took one of the hardened peaks into her mouth, sucking on it and flicking it with her tongue.

The grip Raven had on Lexa's neck loosened enough so she could move her hand higher into the mass of braided hair and hold her head in place. "Fuck Lex…that feels so damn good..." She whimpered every time she felt a flick over her nipple.

After a few flicks Lexa rolled the stiff bud between her teeth before switching over to the other, repeating the same pattern.

"Christ I love the way you touch them…" Raven's grip in the girl’s hair only got stronger. There was a certain way Lexa would flick her tongue that felt like there was a direct line from her nipple down to her clit.

Lexa repeated each sequence once more on each nipple before pushing Raven back down on the bed and continuing her path of nips down her stomach.

Raven popped right back up onto her elbows when Lexa moved further down her body. She wasn't exactly sure if she was doing to get a rise out of her ow because she wanted to watch. Her eyes tracking every movement she made.

Once Lexa had reached the waistband of her boyshorts, she climbed back up and once again hovered over the girl. "What would you like me to do, hm? Tell the Commander what you want."

Raven groaned out when Lexa made her way back up her body. She looked up into the hooded green eyes with her own lust hazed pair. "You were doing it. Go back to that."

"Go back to what? Come on, tell me what you want..."

"I want your mouth on me, in me. I want you to _fuck_ me. Hard." Raven leaned up quickly and captured Lexa's bottom lip between her teeth and let it fall away as she let her head drop back down to the furs.

"Mm I'm gonna do both separately." Lexa pecked her lips then once again began the slow descent down the girl's body, nipping at the skin in new places.

"I'm pretty sure you don't really care what I say, you just want to hear me ask or beg or feel me squirm!" Raven ended up squirming around, wanting to push Lexa down but knowing it wouldn't work.

"You know what Heda likes, and Heda knows what you need." Lexa stopped, her hands sliding into the waistband and pulling the shirts off, planting a kiss between Raven's hips.

"How about _Heda_ gives me what _I_ like now?" Raven gasped slightly as Lexa pulled her shorts off. Her center had been throbbing since she had been pulled into the elevator and she was ready to start taking care of it herself.

"And what would you like? This?" Lexa ran her tongue once up through the folds.

Raven let her head roll back, eyes doing the same. "Finally, yes…that. I want that."

Lexa did it again, just as slow as before. She was going to make sure Raven remembered this one as well.

Raven tightened her grip on Lexa's head and pulled her in trying to get as much contact as she could. She had been so excited already that she wasn't sure how much of the slow pace she could take. "Lex..."

Another slow lick ended in a smirk as Lexa looked up at the girl. "Hm? Something wrong?"

Raven reached her free hand down and cupped her own core. Her brow was pinched a little as she strained to look down at Lexa without leaning forward. "Oh no…nothing's fucking wrong. Nothing at all with all the slow teasing licks. Just fucking fuck me Lexa!" Raven growled out.

"Like this?" Lexa slid her tongue inside the wet center and curled it right against that spot on the front wall.

Raven nearly came clear up off the bed what she felt Lexa lick into her. If it was even possible, she gripped the girl's head and let out a loud cry of relief. After being wound up for so long she needed some sort of release. "Please don't stop. Just no not fucking stop what you're doing _Commander_."

Lexa's tongue slid in and out of her, curling forward and hitting that spot. One hand came up to let her thumb rub tight circles around her clit while the other gripped her ass to hold her in place.

Raven couldn't keep herself still, she squirmed and rolled her hips and moved one leg up so it rested over Lexa's shoulder. The familiar coiling in her belly started up and she welcomed it. Raven started to moan and babble out words and praise and things that might have made sense if she wasn't this far gone.

As Lexa moved her tongue faster, a little thought popped into her head. She remembered from the videos Clarke had shown her. Slowly, the hand gripping Raven's ass slid around farther, slowly sliding the tip of one finger in.

Raven's moans became even louder. Her eyes squeezed tight, as the amount of sensations she was feeling started to push her over the edge. "I'm gonna cum so don't stop... _fuck_..."

Lexa only sped up her tongue and thumb, and then decided to move her finger slightly as well to try and drive her over the edge.

Raven bared her hips down as hard as she could. She felt the finger Lexa had slowly eased into her ass but had been already too far gone to really _say_ anything about other than _don't stop_ which was exactly what she wanted. She fell right over the edge whimpering and biting into her own hand to keep from screaming.

Slowly she let Raven come down from the high, easing her down until the screams turned to normal breathing. Lexa kissed her way back up and laid next to Raven. "Better?"

Raven kept her eyes closed but turned to seek out the girl's lips for a soft kiss. "Better is one way of putting it. You?"

"Mm, there's plenty of marks on you now." Lexa leaned in, pressing a few soft kisses to the girl's lips.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning: there will be anal sex. If that is not your cup of tea, go ahead and skip down to the section that starts "Clarke had been to the workshop and..."

"So…" Raven took a few more steadying breaths before she opened her eyes and peered into the green pair beside her. "Was that…are you…is that something you want to do?"

"Hm? Oh that..." Lexa could feel the blush rise up her chest and neck.

"Hey, no…it's okay." Raven ran her fingers down Lexa's neck, drawing light circles into the reddening skin. "I'm okay with it."

"Really? I mean, I saw it once...in one of the videos. I didn't know..."

Raven places a few kisses along Lexa's jawline leading down to her neck. She licked and sucked at the skin before pulling back to look her over. "If it's something you like and want to try or do.. It wouldn't exactly be my first time so..."

Lexa could feel her jaw drop as she stared at the girl. "You mean...but..."

Raven watched Lexa struggle for words, chuckling a little with her reaction. "What? What do I mean?"

The blush hadn't gone away yet, only spread farther up her neck and into her cheeks. "I think I want to try that sometime."

Raven had to bite her lip and duck her head down to hide a little bit of the excitement she felt over the idea. It wasn't something she had done a lot but Finn had always asked and she had given in and said yes a few times. "Okay. We can try it whenever you want. You just need to let me know first. Alright?"

"What about now?"

Raven bit at her lip for a minute while thinking the request over. She figured Lexa would wait a while before bringing it up again and was a little surprised at the quick response. "Now? Hmm sure but…You need uhm lubrication for that."

"Well you know this better than I do." Lexa looked her over, trying to read her face for any signs of discomfort.

"Tell me what you saw?" Leaning towards her again, Raven pressed light kisses to the girl's chin and neck.

"Well...it was exactly what you think..."

"I'm going to need you to tell me a little more, Lex."

"Well, uh..." Lexa thought she couldn't get any redder at that point. Why was she so nervous talking about this?

"Why don't you start out with _how_ you want to try it? I told you…Anything you want I'm pretty willing to do but I need to know what it is…"

"How? You mean..."

"Meaning with _what_." Raven continues to kiss all over Lexa's neck and up to her ear, pulling the lobe between her teeth.

At this point Lexa was getting anxious. "Raven... _fuck_. I want to fuck you with the harness!"

Raven tried to hold it in as long as she could but her shoulders started to shake with the effort of holding in her laugh. She leaned away far enough so she was now looking into Lexa's hooded and wide eyes. "Well then you should probably put it on. But _NOT_ the big one!" Raven practically yelled out.

"No, no of course not." Lexa gulped, looking at the girl, then stood up and reached under the bed.

Raven rolled into her back and slung her arm up over her face covering her eyes. There was a small amount of nerves but for the most part she was just really turned on. After squirming around on the bed for a minute she moved her arm away from her eyes and leaned up on her elbows. "I know you have a few oils in your bathroom…So go get one okay?"

Lexa walked into the bathroom, looking over the oils she had and grabbed one, returning with that and the harness in hand.

Reaching out to take the harness, Raven sat on the edge on the bed and bent down enough to let Lexa step into it. Once she had it pulled up and tightened in place Raven looked up at the clan leader through her lashes. "Tell me what you want…how you want me…"

"Hands and knees...on the bed." Lexa dropped the bottle down on the bed and climbed up, waiting for Raven to move.

Doing as she was told, Raven moved further up the bed towards the headboard. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and not into it as she looked back over her shoulder. "I'm guessing you know that you have to go slow...?"

"Yes of course." Lexa knelt behind the girl, one hand running over her back as the other one picked up the bottle and opened it.

"I'm serious, Lex…I know you have a thing for starting out slow then pushing in hard and fast…You _can't_ do that for this." Raven felt a shiver run up and down her spine from the touch.

"Of course. Walk me through this so I know how you're feeling." Lexa poured some oil onto her hand and then spread it on the dildo.

"Okay. Use more of the oil and spread it on to me. And use your finger again at first. Okay?" Raven looked back over her shoulder at Lexa again.

"Alright." Lexa took some more and spread it around, then slowly slid the tip of her finger in again.

"Okay push in a little more…Up to your second knuckle." Raven took a small breath in to prepare herself.

Lexa waited a moment then pushed in, her hand going back to Raven's spine to try and ease her.

"I know I said slow, Lex…but you don't have to be _this_ gentle too. Work up to using two fingers."

"Two?" Lexa looked down at the girl before gently pushing in a second finger with the first.

After huffing out a light breath Raven pushed back a little bit hoping Lexa took the hint.

Lexa's brow furrowed, feeling the girl push back. "What now?"

"What exactly was happening in the porn you watched with Clarke?" Raven rocked back into Lexa's hand again.

"None of this stuff before...it started right when they were really getting into it." Lexa was starting to get the hint as she slowly slid her fingers in and out, careful to watch Raven in case anything happened.

"Oooh okay-" Raven clenched her jaw from the feeling of being stretched. "You can start that now..."

"I will, don't worry." Lexa kept sliding her fingers, wanting Raven to relax before she started up.

Raven pushed back harder from a combination of impatience and her own nerves that she was positive she would never admit to. "Are you liking this? The thought of fucking my ass?"

"Yes...can I try now?" Lexa slowly pulled out her fingers, then slowly shifted so her hips were right behind Raven.

"Yeah...Ease in slow." Raven felt like all she was saying was slow and it make her huff out another laugh. "I don't think you need my direction anymore."

"I think I can do it from here." Lexa eased forward, lining the tip up and sliding forward, but the tip slid down and away from its target.

"Hold it-" Raven shifted around on her knees making herself a little bit more comfortable and tried to calm her breathing. She knew this was going to hurt a lot more than she let on but that would switch over to feeling really fucking good. "Guide it in."

Lexa's hand went to the dildo, lining it up again and sliding forward, this time the tip slipping up and over the curve of Raven's ass.

She couldn't help it. Raven snorted out a laugh feeling the tip craze and then miss its target. "You gotta keep holding it, Lex."

Lexa responded with a light smack on Raven's ass. "Shush! I can do this." Again she lined it up with her hand to guide it in, but it slid down at the last second. The whine that came from Lexa's throat was definitely not normal for her, but she couldn't help getting frustrated.

Raven pitched forward and laughed even harder at the sound of her _mighty_ _Heda_ whining. "Was there ass slapping on this movie too?"

"Don't tempt me." Lexa pulled Raven's hips back towards her, lining the tip back up and this time managing to slide the head of the dildo into her ass.

"Jesus Christ! Stay still for a minute..." Raven let out a heavy breath and squeezed her eyes shut tight. The pain was a little bit or even a lot bit more than she had remembered making her grip fistfuls of fur.

"You're the one in control here. Tell me exactly what you want me to do."

"Push forward. Ease in slow. Really slow then pull back and do it again." Raven's voice was a little strained as she told Lexa what she wanted.

Lexa followed her words, slowly pushing the dildo in more then pulling back out so only the head was in, then pushing back in. One hand remained on Raven's hip, slowly massaging the skin above it to ease her.

After breathing out a long sigh if relief, Raven felt herself start to relax and ease up from clenching around the dildo. The feeling started to switch over from pain to pleasure and she pushed back harder with a loud moan. "I think you can take it from here.”

"Still, tell me if you need me to slow down or stop." Lexa began a much slower pace than she was used to, but kept it slow as to not hurt Raven.

Bringing one hand up to her clit, Raven started to rub slow circles. "Go a little bit faster. You'll know if I want this to stop." Raven pushed back harder than the last time. It still hurt like hell but she liked the way Lexa was taking it slow even though there was a small part of her that wanted Lexa to ignore her request and fuck her hard.

Lexa nodded though she knew Raven couldn't see, but followed her instructions anyway. Speeding up slightly, she managed to get back into one of her normal rhythms.

Raven dropped her hand away from her clit, the double stimulation a little too much for her to handle. She focused more on pushing back into Lexa's hips to match her pace. "Pretty sure I'm all adjusted now so you can go at whatever pace you want." Raven leaned her head down, burying her face into the furs and prepared herself.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you..."

Turning her head to the side, Raven groaned and bite her lip from the way the new angle was making her ass feel. "Yes I'm sure. I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't sure."

"Alright..." Lexa snapped her hips back, going to a faster pace. It was still slower than normal, but feeling the resistance of every thrust was starting to make her core pulse.

Raven bit into the furs and still had her hands gripping them as well. The way Lexa was pushing into her had Raven feeling like her whole body was tingling. One particular snap forward of Lexa's hips had her bouncing forward and the dildo slipping out. "Fuck! Oomf…"

"Nuh-uh. You let me take control and you're not slipping away." Lexa grabbed the girl's hips and pulled her back against her, burying the dildo in her.

For a split second Raven felt like she was being impaled. Her whole body went stiff and she couldn't make a sound. Until she burning sensation faded and she glared back over her shoulder at Lexa. "I wasn't slipping away! Jesus Lex! You can have all the control you want but…re-entry needs to be a bit slower next time..."

"Alright, noted." Lexa started up again, just as fast as before.

Raven started to squirm a little when she couldn't ignore the way her core was clenching around nothing and her clit was throbbing to the point of being near painful. She'd never actually cum from anal sex with the way Lexa had been working her over she thought it might be a first. "Lex…fuck me harder."

"Yes _ai_ _hodnes_." Lexa snapped her hips forward at the words, thrusting in harder with every snap of her hips.

The familiar burning and coiling in the pit of her stomach started and spiked with every snap of Lexa's hips. Raven tried to maintain the same pace and rocked back as hard as she could but her legs were starting to shake and her mind was beginning to feel the grey space taking over. "Angle down a little bit…I'm so fucking close- fuck..."

Lexa grasped harder at Raven's hips, lifting her own slightly and thrusting down, trying to push her over the edge.

Raven had her face pushed into the furs, one hand gripping them like they were a lifeline and she brought the other up to rub hard tight circles over her clit. Her whole body was shaking from the force of the orgasm that was just about to consume her. "Just like that…" Raven didn't even have the energy to scream out when she finally dropped over the edge. She was just barely able to stay up on her knees.

Once Lexa felt the girl trembling underneath her, she wrapped an arm around her hips, holding her up as she helped her ride out the orgasm crashing through her.

"Pull out slow." She half whimpered and half groaned.

Slowly, Lexa pulled her hips back and the dildo out completely. She let go of Raven's hips, letting herself unbuckle the harness and slide it off.

Raven sprawled out forward on her belly, still breathing heavy and hard. Her mind was doing everything it could to process what had just happened. "Holy fuck, is there anything you're not good at?" She thought about turning over to lay on her back but only managed to lift her head and look over at the girl.

Lexa laid down next to her, one hand running over her back soothingly. "Well, all of your engineering stuff I could never do, but other than that, I don't think so."

"What-" Raven let out a small weak laugh. Her body was so relaxed she couldn't even get swat at the brunette next to her." And so modest too. No wonder you feel for me."

Lexa smiled, watching the girl. "I think someone needs another one of my special baths tonight."

"I think someone isn't moving from this spot right here." She said around her yawns.

"Rest for now. I'll wake you for dinner later." Lexa pulled the furs up and over both of them, gently pulling the girl up against her.

Raven yawned one more time before mumbling an 'I love you' and dozing off.

Lexa smiled, rubbing her back softly as she gazed out toward the window, letting Raven sleep next to her.

Clarke had been to the workshop and every other place she could think of that Raven would be at. She had a feeling she would find her on the Commander's room and that's where she was, currently lightly knocking on the door.

Lexa had still been awake when she heard the knock at the door. Assuming it was Anya, she stood quietly and put her robe on, answering the door. She was truly surprised to see the blonde on the other side. "Clarke?"

Clarke cleared her throat when she saw the door open and Lexa appear in her robe. "Lexa...I uh- Raven? I was looking for her but I am guessing she is busy…"

"She's asleep." Lexa stood in the doorway, arms crossed. "What do you need?”

Clarke's nostrils flared from the way Lexa had spoken to her. "Nothing that important. But since I'm here...Why don't I check your stitches?"

Lexa looked the blonde over once, then nodded. "Let me get dressed quickly. Wait out here."

"S'nothing I haven't seen before..." Clarke mumbled to herself when Lexa walked away. Not that she _wanted_ to see it again.

Lexa threw on her pants and dropped the robe before heading back to the door, motioning Clarke to come in.

Clarke stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She had taken maybe three steps when her eyes landed on the brown ponytail sticking out of the furs on Lexa's bed. She slammed her eyes shut and bit back the nasty comment she knew was sitting on the tip of her tongue. Turning her head to the Commander, Clarke pointed to the table and waited for Lexa to sit on it.

Lexa hopped up and reclined back, letting Clarke get to the stitches on her stomach.

Sitting on the chair next to the table, Clarke reached up and peeled back the bandage. Just like every other time, no matter what was going on between them, Clarke ran her fingers over the bullet wound scar a few times. Pulling herself back to the task at hand, she looked over the stitches and nodded once. "I can probably take them out in two days. Or one of your healers."

"Alright, good. It'll be nice to get rid of them soon."

Clarke tried everything in her power not to but her eyes flicked over to the bed and sleeping form under the furs. She knew from the time of day and state of undress that Lexa had greeted her in that Raven had more than likely been sleeping off some sort of sexual activity and it made her insides ache. Clarke stood and motioned to the bed. "Can you let her know I was looking for her?"

"Yeah, I will." Lexa stood from the table, eying Clarke as she watched Raven sleep.

Clarke had made it to the door before turning back to face Lexa. She opened her mouth then closed it, changing her mind about saying anything that would rile the girl up. Clarke yanked the door open and disappeared down the hall.

Lexa walked over and peeked out, watching Clarke leave, then shut the door and walked back over to the bed.

Raven rolled over into her back, rubbing at her eyes. She stretched out and sat up on her forearm. "Did I hear voices?"

"Clarke was here looking for you." Lexa tried not to sound displeased, but she couldn't help it.

Raven's brow furrowed when she looked at the lack of shirt on Lexa's body. "Am I missing something here?"

"She checked my stitches before she left."

"Hmm. Did she say what she wanted?" Raven dropped back onto the bed yawning again. Her body was sore but the good kind.

"No. Just that she wanted to see you. Didn't give a reason." Lexa laid down next to Raven, a hand laying over the furs on top of her.

Sliding out from under the furs, Raven climbed over the girl and laid herself down on top of her. She kissed her forehead and cheeks and trailed a finger over her lips. "Why don't you tell me how you liked what we…just did?"

"That was amazing...you looked..." Lexa couldn't even form words as her thoughts went back to Raven bent down on the bed, furs caught in her fist and her face buried into the bed.

Raven leaned down and captured Lexa's lips in a heated kiss. She licked and bit and sucked and pressed her tongue into the girl's mouth.

Lexa moaned up into Raven's mouth as her hands slid down her back, cupping her ass and squeezing it, digging her nails into the soft flesh.

Raven licked into the brunette's mouth, whimpering lightly at the way her nails felt against her skin. She started a slow grinding of the hips and tugged at the bindings wrapped around her body.

Lexa managed to pull her mouth away to catch her breath for a moment. "Think it's time for me to have some fun? You've gotten all the attention."

"Oh you're gonna let me do that to you now?" Raven sat back on Lexa's hips trying to keep a straight face.

"Not that...but watching you turned me on so much..."

"Well why not that?" Raven walked her fingers up the front of her body, tugging at the material covering her chest.

"There's no way I could do that..."

Raven rocked her hips slowly back and forth into the girl's center. She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth then lip is slip back out. "You don't have to do that. There are plenty of other things I like doing to you to make you cum."

"Mm, like what?" Lexa's hands moved up to her hips, guiding them where they needed to move.

"Why don't you tell me what you want, what you want me to _do_?" Raven kept her hips moving steadily, grinding up and down into Lexa. "I think this would feel so much better for you if your pants were off."

"I want you to fuck me...get these clothes off _now_."

Standing up from the bed, Raven had Lexa's pants undone and half way down her hips. "Lift. And take off your..." She motioned to the material wrapped around her chest before going back to sliding her pants down those long legs of hers.

Lexa lifted her hips before sitting up and unwrapping the cloth from her chest, tossing it to the side and laying back down, waiting.

Raven tossed the pants to the ground then stood and walked over to her box. She rooted around until she found what she wanted and walked back over to the bed. "I can't really fuck you with your underwear on."

Lexa hooked her thumbs into the waistband and lifted her hips, pulling them down slowly and tossing them off to the side. "So, what magical toy are you using now?"

Raven picked up the harness and removing the dildo that was attached to it then replaced it with the one she had retrieved from her box of things. It was not as long but slightly thicker and Raven couldn't keep the grin off her lips when she looked back up to the girl. "Can you handle this?"

"Go slow at first?" Lexa bit her lip, looking at the new dildo on the harness.

Raven motioned with her finger for Lexa to sit up and come closer. "I'm thinking you shouldn’t be the only one to get blowjobs."

Taking in a deep breath, Lexa sat up and came to the edge of the bed, looking up at Raven. "Where do you want me?"

"On your knees _Commander_."

Lexa smirked as she slowly sunk from the bed to the floor, looking up at Raven as she did.

Raven put a hand on the back of the girls head and pulled her closer. Her breathing sped up with the anticipation and center started to twitch with her arousal.

Slowly she licked the underside from the base of the harness all the way to the tip before sucking the head into her mouth.

Raven tangled her hand into the brown locks and pulled the Lexa in a little. She knew she had to let the girl set the pace but she was struggling to keep her hips still.

Lexa began to bob on the dildo, going about halfway down on it several times.

"Take more of it Lex."

Popping off for a quick breath, Lexa took the dildo into her mouth and managed to get down about three quarters of the way to the harness, holding it right there.

Raven held tight to the girl's head and pulled her down further. She watched as Lexa wrapped her mouth around her dick and couldn't hold back the moan that rushed past her lips.

Lexa managed to let her throat relax as she was pulled farther down. Like Raven had said, it wasn't as long, but the girth had filled up her throat more.

"Okay. I won't tear up your throat like you did to me…" Raven pulled back to the dildo slipped out of Lexa's mouth. "Not that I'm complaining."

"You love it when I take control like that though." Lexa smirked as she wiped away a tip bit of drool from the corner of her mouth.

A rush of wetness dripped down the inside of Raven's thighs just hearing what Lexa had said. She couldn't deny that even if she wanted to, and she didn't. "More than you can possibly know. Now lay back on the bed."


	55. Chapter 55

Lexa climbed back up on the bed, laying on her back and still looking up at Raven. "Mm, you ready to fuck me?"

Raven kissed her way up from Lexa's ankles to her knees moving back and forth between legs. She spread the girl’s legs wide enough to fit between them, kissing her inner thighs, nipping and sucking the skin into her mouth hard enough to leave a trail of marks. Raven inched up the last little bit to her core, nosing into the folds, taking a deep breath in. "I'd say I'm ready, yes."

Lexa's breath hitched in her chest from all the sensations. "Please..."

Raven stuck her tongue out and swiped a path through Lexa's folds. She dipped into her to collect some of her juiced then swiped from her entrance to around her clit. She did this over and over again.

"Fuck...please, I need _more_ Raven..." Lexa head was thrown back slightly, eyes closed and lips parted as her breathing grew heavier.

"More of _what_ , Lex? Tell me what you need right now." Raven kept up her slow pace between her clit and entrance. She had done this almost every time and almost every time Lexa would beg and it make her even wetter just to think of it.

"I need you to fuck me already!"

Raven wrapped her lips around Lexa's clit and sucked it into her mouth. At the same time she thrust three fingers knuckle deep into the Commander.

" _Jok_!" Lexa was not expecting that many at once. She thought Raven would ease her in, but instead made her roll her head back and cry out.

Keeping her mouth over the girl's clit, Raven alternated between sucking the bud into her mouth and flicking it with her tongue. The pace she had started pushing into the girl was slow, avoiding any contact to the front wall.

"Raven...I know I teased you but you don't have to tease me." Lexa moaned at how slow she was going.

Raven continues with her slow pace of pushing in and pulling her fingers from the girl's drenched core. She switched up the way her tongue moved over her clit, swirling around it without touching the bud.

"Raven! Please!" Lexa was whining again but she didn't care. She just wanted Raven to stop teasing and just get the dildo in her.

Raven relented, sucking the bud back into her mouth and flicking it hard with her tongue. Her fingers picked up a slightly faster pace but she still kept them away from where Lexa wanted them most.

Another whine forced its way out. She didn't know how much more she could take before going crazy.

Raven slowed the swirling of her tongue again, instead of flicking she let the tip craze over the bud. She couldn't help but increase the pace of her fingers. The way Lexa whined had her hips grinding down into the furs as much as she could with the dildo in place. When she was sure they would both were ready Raven pulled away and climbed her way up the girl's body.

"Finally...the teasing was too much." Lexa looked up again, her chest heaving.

"That was nothing..." Raven laughed around the nipple she had pulled between her teeth.

"I've been horny since we stepped foot in this room and haven't had any relief...that teasing didn't help."

"Whose fault is that?" Raven shot back while kissing her way to the other breast. She sucked at the skin underneath leaving a few marks that were rapidly turning shades of red and purple.

"I wanted to take care of you first..." Lexa moaned at the feeling of Raven's lips on her skin.

Raven settled a little higher up between Lexa's legs, the tip of the dildo dragging through her folds every time she ground down. She had pinched and rolled and tweaked both nipples until she had them rock hard. "Oh I think you got a lot out of-" Raven pressed her lips over the shell of Lexa's ear. "-fucking my ass hard until I came…"

"You enjoyed that...but I still haven't..." Lexa couldn't help but press her chest up into Raven's hands.

Pressing her forehead against Lexa's, Raven peered down into her blown wide open eyes. "I promise you will. More than once." Raven reached between them, lining the head of the dick up and pressed in slow and gentle. She knew this was just big enough to hurt if she went too fast.

Lexa' eyelids fluttered shut, the stretch around the dildo just the right amount of pain mixed with pleasure. She moaned as she felt it slide inside deeper.

"Is this okay, Lex?" Raven has pushed in a little more than half way then stilled herself to make sure she wasn't hurting the girl.

"Keep going..." Lexa leaned up and planted a gentle kiss on her lips, staring up into her almost blown-out eyes.

Raven kept their lips attached and pushed the rest of the way in, bottoming out. She stilled long enough to take a few breaths then pulled out all the way and snapped her hips forward.

Lexa's head was thrown back as she let out a strangled cry. She was not expecting it to be that fast.

Raven felt the twinge in her hip already but buried her face in Lexa's neck and focused on giving her what she wanted. She slowly pulled nearly all the way out again then pushed in harder. She did this until she was panting and dripping sweat.

Lexa had already been reduced to a moaning and panting mess, whimpers being thrown in every once in a while. The pain had gone away even though the stretch was still there.

Scaling back to a slower but steady pace with her thrusts, Raven pressed kisses up Lexa's jaw to her lips. She dragged her tongue over the girl's lips before licking into her mouth and kissing her until they were running out of breath.

"Don't stop... _beja_ , keep going..." Lexa managed to get the words out in between kisses.

"Oh don't worry, Lex. I'm gonna keep going…" Raven pulled all the way out and rolled over so she was laid out on her back. "I think I want to see you sucking my dick again before I make you cum."

Another whine came from her throat. "Raven..."

Raven wrapped her hand in Lexa's hair and tugged gently. "Lex…"

Lexa crawled over and wrapped her lips around the head, sucking on it.

With her hand still wrapped in Lexa's hair, Raven pushed her head down until she felt some resistance. "You have no clue what it's like to look down and see the _Commander_ with her mouth filled with my dick."

Lexa tried moaning around the dildo but just ended up gagging slightly on it.

"If you were me...would you let me up? Let me take me mouth off your dick? Or would you hold my head, maybe press a little more…See if I can get it deeper?"

Lexa looked up at her through her lashes, hoping she would answer her own questions.

Raven tugged and pulled and positioned Lexa so she was now laid out in top of her. Core right in front of her mouth and open and ready to be licked and fucked. "Keep my dick in your mouth and I'll make you cum."

Lexa nodded, only coming up slightly to breathe but keeping the dildo in her mouth.

Raven's tongue was buried in the girl's folds before she even felt the nod. One hand came up, three fingers pressed slowly into her center. Raven pumped her fingers in and out a few times before finding that spongy patch, curling and pressing against it. Her other hand rose up, two fingers rubbing over Lexa's clit. Raven has both hands working the brunette over _and_ her tongue swirling out over everything she could reach and suck and lick.

She didn't know how, but Lexa managed to keep the dildo in her mouth as she was attacked by Raven's fingers. She bobbed up and down on it, burying it in her throat to keep it in her mouth instead of moaning.

Raven sped up the pace of her fingers as they slammed and pounded into Lexa. Every other time she pulled out she would make sure to hit that spot she knew would make Lexa fall over the edge.

It came far too quickly but Lexa felt herself go flying over the edge, a strangled cry forced out around the appendage in her mouth as her body tensed up, eyes shut tight.

Raven wasn't sure how she had moved so quickly but she had crawled out from beneath Lexa, got up on her knees and guided the dildo between her folds. She had one hand wrapped around the girl's hip to help keep her own balance and brace the brunette for the force of the thrust she made to bury the dick to the hilt.

Lexa was glad the guards were down the hall because she wasn't sure if she screamed or not from the force of the impact.

Raven ignored the pain radiating up her leg and into her hip and started up a fast pace. She reached forward with one hand to take a handful of brown locks and held tight to it, other hand still holding Lexa's hip for balance. "I want to hear you, Lex."

" _Sha_..." Lexa felt like she was being thrown forward every time Raven thrust into her.

With her hand still wrapped in Lexa's hair, Raven leaned forward so she was draped over the girl's back. The hand that's as in her hip slid up and around her to palm her breast, the nipple slipping between her fingers. She eased up in how fast she was rocking her hips but kept them slamming as hard as she could.

"More _ai_ _hodnes_..." Lexa thought she was going to collapse soon. Her legs were shaking from each thrust, her arms barely holding her up now.

Raven pressed a few kisses in between Lexa's shoulder blades. She tightened her grip on her hair and tugged until her head was twisted back and to the side so they could see each other. "I want you to cum for me Commander." Raven ran her hand down from the girl's chest to her folds. She pinched and rolled her clit almost the same way she had done her nipple.

Lexa could only nod and whimper as the second round came crashing into her, wave after wave rolling through her body.

Raven slowed her hips to help work Lexa ride out her orgasm. She leaned back far enough to slide out the dildo carefully out of the girl. Running her fingers gently up and down her body, Raven pressed light kisses down Lexa's spine and urged her forward to lay out over the furs. She had the harness loosened and dropped down her legs so she could kick it off and lay herself down next to her.

Lexa had already collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily as she came down off the high. She could feel Raven lay next to her but couldn't move herself.

Raven felt like she had run up and down the tower twice. Her breathing was still jagged and hearts still pounding away when she curled up around the girl. "You okay, Lex?" Raven wiped sweat soaked back behind her ear and kissed all along her shoulder.

Lexa nodded, her eyes finally opening and looking at the girl. "You should be thankful I have nothing left to do today..."

"Me?" Raven let out a loud bark of laughter. "I think you should be thankful for that."

"Oh no, if I had things to do and I was unable to move Anya would be on your ass about it."

"Maybe we can find out how true that is tomorrow. She seems much tamer now so…" Raven ran her fingers up and down Lexa's body, stopping here and there to draw shapes and words.

"Tomorrow there is a lot to do. I don't think we should test that just yet."

"That sounds like the perfect time to test it." Raven smashed her face against Lexa's, peppering her with kisses everywhere she could reach. Satisfied that she had covered every inch, Raven rolled away and stood from the bed where she climbed back into her shorts and pants then bra and shirt.

"Where are you going? Come back over here." Lexa sat up slightly, looking at the girl.

Raven sat on the edge of the bed to put her brace on and step back into her boots. "Did you say Clarke was looking for me?" She knew it was a touchy subject but Clarke _did_ actually come looking for her so she thought she should at least go find out what she wanted.

"Yes she was...be careful please if you're going to find her."

"Lex…" Raven traced her fingertips over Lexa's cheek. "I love you…And if you're lucky…Maybe I'll let you fuck me again later."

"After I take a bath to relax my sore muscles. You should join me then." Lexa smiled, turning her head to kiss the tip of her finger.

"The mighty Heda still can't keep up with me." Raven called back over her shoulder before leaving the room.

Lexa only smiled and relaxed back on the bed, pulling the furs up over herself.

~

Raven slowly made her way down the few steps to Clarke's floor. She moved down the hall to Clarke's door and knocked. While waiting Raven ran her fingers over her neck feeling the way the marks were slightly raises and tender to the touch.

Clarke opened the door, smiling when she saw Raven. The smile fell from her face when she saw the marks, but she quickly swallowed the bile in her throat and managed to bring the smile back. "There you are. I was looking for you earlier."

Raven dropped her hand the second she saw the door open but caught the look on Clarke's face. She swallowed her own frown away and flashed a soft smile at the blonde. "That's why I'm here."

"Come in. I just wanted to talk." Clarke stepped to the side, allowing enough space for Raven to walk into the room.

Raven walked by Clarke into the room, stopping in the middle. "About something specific? Anya?"

"Well, yeah. And us."

Almost every part of Raven's body ached in some way from the things she had been doing upstairs with Lexa yet hearing Clarke say 'us' made her feel momentarily drunk. "Did something happen with Anya?"

"Nothing bad." Clarke closed the door and sat down, patting the couch next to her. "I just though, y'know, we can figure things out like we said we would."

Raven walked over to the couch and sat. Without thinking she turned to the side and laid herself out, head landing in Clarke's lap. She let out a contented sigh before looking up with a smile. "Okay…and that's going good?"

"Yeah. I think it'll be easier now. You've been reunited with Lexa, me with Anya. Everything seems to be going fine. We can get back to being best friends." Clarke's fingers were gently running through Raven's hair, as if none of what happened in Arkadia actually happened. As if they had been in Polis this whole time.

Raven turned her head to press her face into the soft part of Clarke's belly. She was happy hearing Clarke talk about Anya and she was happy hearing Clarke mention Lexa and then she said best friends and Raven felt a slight sinking feeling in her stomach that she couldn't quite explain. "Yeah…best friends. I missed this."

"Me too...so, I see you've enjoyed your return to Polis." Clarke chuckled slightly, thinking back to the scene in Lexa's room.

Raven reached up and thumped Clarke on the arm. "Because you aren't? And thanks to your intro to porn…" Raven cut herself off mid-sentence, still not sure if they were in _that_ place yet.

"Oh god, what did you two do now?" Clarke let out a bark of laughter, the dull pain still aching on her chest. Those words made it resurface as she knew that another conversation about what Lexa could do and what Clarke couldn't was coming.

Feeling the way Clarke's body tensed up was all the answer Raven had needed. She grinned up at the blonde, deciding to keep things light for moment. "More than you."

"Raven what did you do?" Clarke looked down, a smile peeking through as she shook her head.

"Was just something I didn't expect from her…that's all." Raven stretched out her legs still feeling the effects of being in her knees for so long.

Clarke shook her head. Lexa seemed to be getting a bit more adventurous, which was good for Raven. She had to keep telling herself that as long as Raven was happy...

"So are you going to tell me more about Anya now?" Raven poked at Clarke's side a few times but not in a tickle way. Or at least she tried not to make it like that. "I don't feel like she might rip my arm off and beat me to death with it anymore."

Clarke still seemed to chuckle and squirm slightly at the feeling. "Maybe having me back helped to calm her down. I don't think we've been as adventurous as you two have been, but I think I can say that I helped her out a bit."

"Well you're exceptional at that." The words tumbled out of Raven's mouth before she even realized what she'd said. She turned her head again and pressed her face back into Clarke's belly, trying her best to pretend the words never left her mouth _and_ that she didn't know the truth of it.

Clarke paused for a moment, not sure of how to respond. Her best option was to ignore it, but she couldn't. "Lexa seemed more relaxed as well. I'm guessing you're the cause of that."

Raven relaxed as much as she could given the weight of the topic and their recent history. "Probably." She said, muffled and low against the girl's shirt.

Clarke chewed at her bottom lip, thinking about how she could help. "So, have you been back to the workshop yet?"

Raven pulled her face away just far enough so she could answer but didn't look up. "Earlier to get things back in order. I still have to set up the panels and computer. That'll help us stay in contact with Arkadia…" Raven relaxed even more into Clarke's lap, yawning and shifting to get more comfortable.

"Alright good. Communications are great." Clarke was still absentmindedly running a hand through Raven's hair. She could feel the braids but didn't question them.

"I should get back to-" Raven yawned mid-sentence. She knew she was tired and shouldn't stay where she was but the way Clarke was running her fingers through her hair felt _so damn good_. The last thought she had was cut off when she drifted into sleep.

Clarke smiled as she continued to run her fingers through her sleeping friend’s hair. This is always how they had been, and she wished it would have stayed this way.

Anya opened the door to Clarke's room after looking in every other possible place she could think of. Her eyes fell to what looked like a sleeping Raven laying with her head in the girl's lap, making her stop in her tracks. The sight before her really only confirmed more of what she had been thinking lately. She immediately motioned for Clarke to stay where she was. "It's okay… Don't wake her."

"Hey, what do you need?" Clarke's voice was quiet as to not wake Raven on her lap. She hadn't expected to see Anya for a little while longer but having her there now felt awkward, especially with Raven's head in her lap.

"I don't _need_ anything. I was just coming to see if you would like to walk with me through the market, maybe share a few drinks with me at the smaller tavern." Anya let her eyes soak up everything she was seeing. She saw the way Clarke hadn't taken her hand away from Raven's hair, the way Raven had one arm wrapped around the blonde. She literally _saw_ the bond they had and she suddenly knew the answers to the questions she had asked Clarke the night before.

"Maybe later? Once she wakes up and heads out. Want me to find you?"

Anya let her eyes look over the pair, taking in Clarke's relaxed posture and Raven's sleeping body. The idea of this before she had seen it had her a little anxious but now that it was right there in front of her, it just made sense. "I'll wait for you at the tavern."

Clarke nodded and smiled. "Alright I'll be there as soon as she leaves."

Anya leaned down and pressed a kiss to Clarke's temple. "Take your time but…don't let her sleep too long."

"Of course, yeah. I'll wake her in a little while."

Anya cupped Clarke's chin, lifting her face up so she could press a soft kiss to her lips. "I'll see you later."

With a small smile, Clarke nodded, watching the warrior walk back out the doors. She then turned her attention back to the sleeping girl in her lap, watching her rest easy next to her.


	56. Chapter 56

Raven started to stir and shifted to her back. Her eyes fluttered open to see Clarke and for a second she thought she was dreaming again like back in Arkadia. "Clarke..?"

"Hey sleepyhead. Nice nap?" Clarke had been staring out the now darkened window until Raven woke up and spoke. She turned her attention back to the brunette, finally moving her hand from where it still was in her hair.

Clearing her throat, Raven rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up. "How long- did it just get dark?"

"A little while ago. It's not too late. I was going to wake you but..." Clarke just shrugged and stood up, finally getting to stretch her legs.

Raven stood and stretched out her sex and sleep sore muscles with a groan. She looked from Clarke to the darkened sky back to Clarke. "I should probably go...Lexa will be…" Her words faded as she walked to the door.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow then. I have to go meet Anya anyways." Clarke followed her out the door and down the hall.

Raven gave Clarke a quick hug then darted into the stairwell and scrambled up the stairs as fast as she could. Taking a minute to catch her breath outside the door, Raven tried to settle her thoughts and kept repeating that nothing had happened...she just fell asleep and that was all. One long breath later and she was inside the room, door closing softly behind her.

Lexa was just securing her shoulder piece in place when she heard the door open. She looked up and saw Raven, but there was no reaction on her face when she saw the girl. She just stood there, jaw clenched and waiting for her to speak.

"Going somewhere?" Raven took in Lexa's state of dress, brows furrowing at the sight of her armor in place.

"Looking for you." Lexa stood where she was, hands behind her back to hide the clenched fists that had her digging half-moon shaped marks into her hands from her nails.

Raven felt the change in energy around the room as she took long strides to get to Lexa. "Okay…well I'm here now." She said soft and low, a hand coming up to tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear.

Lexa's jaw shifted to the side slightly as she felt Raven's touch. It had been hours since she left the bedroom and then she came back expecting everything to be fine? Especially when Lexa knew she was with Clarke?

Raven left her hand on Lexa's cheek, pulled her face down enough so would look at her. "What's wrong, Lex?"

Lexa looked down at the floor for a second, then back up at Raven. "Why were you gone so long?"

Feeling her heart squeeze from the way Lexa was acting and reacting to being good so long, Raven leaned up and kisses the girl's lips. "I fell asleep…On her couch."

"I shouldn't have such a hard time believing that..." Lexa turned away from her, walking a few steps away. "I shouldn't have to worry that every time you leave this room you'll somehow end up with _her_. I know you love me but somehow Clarke always comes up and you go running to her. And I know you two are friends, but I can't accept that anymore. Every time you're with her I think 'What if...'"

Raven followed right on her heels, stepping in front of her. "Lex…I love _you_. I'm _in_ _love_ with you. I know that what happened back in Arkadia hurt you but- I'm here...with you. Not her."

"I know, I know you do...I know you are here, but why can't I just accept that? Why is it that I still wonder if it will happen again?"

Raven opened her mouth to tell her it would never happen again, to say she would never want that _again_ but the words felt like acid on her tongue. She saw the way it was hurting Lexa, yet she couldn't find the words.

"I don't want to wonder like that..." Lexa brought a hand up to cup the girl's cheek, her thumb swiping over the bone.

Raven pushed her face into the touch and sighed. "She's my…she's just- I'm not going anywhere okay?"

"I know...I'm sorry..."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"I should trust you and not be like this though..."

Raven brought her hands up to the clasp for her shoulder armor, waiting to get an okay to remove it. "You'll trust me when you're ready." She could only hold that would be true.

Lexa nodded, looking down at Raven's hands. "I wish I was ready."

Raven had been struggling with wanting to tell Lexa about kissing Clarke before coming back to Polis but hearing her actually _say_ she didn't trust her? "Wait- You don't? Trust me…you don't trust me?"

"I trust you to an extent. I trust you'll make the right decision when it comes down to it. I hope that decision doesn't hurt me in the process."

Raven pulled her hands away from the clasp and took a few steps back. Lexa's words sliced through her but she knew there really wasn't much she could say about this. "Right, of course..."

Lexa chewed at her lip, looking down at the ground. "I do trust you...enough..."

"So this is what's going to happen every time I'm with her or go see her…" Raven backed up until the backs of her legs hit the bed causing her to sit.

"No...I'm sorry. You were gone so long and I hadn't heard from you..." Lexa sighed, running a hand over her face.

"So it's the amount of time I'm gone?" Raven bit back but felt horrible the moment the words left her mouth. "Fuck…can we just not do this right now?"

"Yeah...no more of this. I just want you now."

"Maybe you should come over here then."

Lexa walked over to the bed, unstrapping her armor and letting it fall to the floor as she approached Raven.

"You could have left that on." Despite the conversation they just had, Raven felt herself getting a little turned on as Lexa approached.

"Why? I don't plan on leaving the room tonight, so it's an unnecessary weight." Lexa pushed Raven back on the bed and crawled on top of her, eyes boring down into the brown ones below her.

Raven brought her hands up Lexa's arms to her shoulders and into her hair by the base of her neck. "It might be a bit of a turn on."

"Well, maybe I should help you with that. Or would you rather have Heda assist you?"

Raven let out a low moan at the thought of _Heda_ taking over. There was just something about the way Lexa switched and took control, fucking her however and _wherever_ she wanted. It satisfied that side of her more than she could explain but she enjoyed being able to push Lexa over that edge. "I didn't think you'd have more of that in you."

"Well, this afternoon wound me up quite a bit so there's plenty left in there."

Raven popped her hips up with a smirk. "Do I even need to guess the specifics?"

"Why not take a stab at them?"

"Hmm I know you're probably still thinking about me _allowing_ you to fuck me..." Raven lightly scratched up and down Lexa's neck.

"Well, I didn't think you'd refuse...but are you giving me permission?"

"Have I refused you yet?" Raven brought a finger to her lips and looked up and away as if in thought.

"Do you ever plan on refusing me is the question." Lexa smiled and leaned down, planting a light kiss against Raven's cheek.

"That really depends but you never know." Raven grinned as she bucked her hips up.

"But in the context of right now, are you refusing _Heda_?"

"I thought no one refused _Heda_? Isn't that what you keep telling me?"

"Well, I think it's safe to say that you are the only person to have any sort of sway with Heda."

"Lexa... Why so much talking right now?" Raven rocked her hips up into the girl above her again.

"I want you squirming in anticipation before Heda takes care of you." Lexa smirked, unbuttoning her coat.

Raven brought both of her hands to Lexa's jacket and tried hurry along the unbuttoning and unbuckling. "You know I'm always squirming around for you…"

"I love watching you squirm though." Lexa shrugged off the jacket and tossed it to the side before her fingers skimmed underneath the hem of Raven's shirt.

"I think that's more the gentle side of you." Raven let out a quick breath. The light touch already doing things to make her body heat up.

"No, that's both sides. The gentle side loves it because it shows what my touches do to you. The rough side? Because it shows how well I can dominate you." Lexa leaned in and growled in Raven's ear before lifting Raven’s shirt over her head and tossing it near her coat.

Raven's chest was already rising and falling from the anticipation but the growl in her ear? That sent a shock down her spine to churn in her belly. "I do love how you dominate me so well…"

"Then just relax and let Heda take care of you..." Lexa sat up, running her hands over the body below her.

Raven had been trying to regain some amount of control over her breathing. She'd barely even been touched yet and already felt like she was in fire. "Lex…"

"Shh, relax. I'll take care of you." Lexa leaned down and placed a trail of light kisses along the top of her bra.

Raven arched her back pushing her chest up into the kisses. There was a hint of frustration running through her mind but she knew Lexa would only make her suffer if she said anything.

Sliding her hands around Raven's back, Lexa unclasped and pulled off the bra, her mouth latching onto one of the nipples, nipping and sucking at it.

"Shit…I love how that feels." Raven moved her hand back to the girl's head holding her in place.

Lexa stayed on that nipple for about a minute, nipping and sucking and flicking it before popping off and moving to the other one, one hand rolling the first nipple between her fingers.

Raven pulled her lip between her teeth and was breathing out heavy puffs through her nose from the way Lexa was showing her chest so much attention. She kept her hand on the back of the brunette's head not wanting her to stop but needing her to start moving downward. The ache in between her legs had her pushing Lexa's head down.

Lexa popped off and crawled back up, staring down into Raven's darkened eyes. "Uh-uh. I'm saving that for Heda. The rest of you is mine for now."

"Fucking _hell_ Lex…I'm _aching_ so much right now…" Raven's grip became almost vice like in Lexa's hair. Her other hand found its way to the girl's back, scratching into the flesh.

"I know...but see, Heda wants you to explode in pleasure once she gets the chance to fuck you."

"I don't think Heda is coming out to play anymore tonight." Raven rolled her hips, a little desperate for some relief to her dripping center.

"Are you questioning Heda?" Lexa sat up, pinning Raven's hips to the bed.

"Me? Question _Heda_? Never."

"Good. Then you'll wait until she comes out to fuck you. In the meantime, I am having some fun while I can." Lexa bent down again, returning to the girl's nipples, nipping and sucking again.

The sensations to her chest had Raven squirming in earnest. It felt like with just the right combination between Lexa's mouth and hands, she might be able to drop over the edge.

Lexa switched back to the other nipple with a smirk, rolling the other between her fingers.

"Lex...please. That feel really _really_ good but I need you to touch me." Raven's clit had been throbbing so hard from the attention Lexa was giving her chest that she couldn't stop herself but bucking her hips up and begging.

"I told you to wait. If you start asking again I will tie you down, understand?"

"Tie me down- what? For wanting you to _touch_ me?" Raven tried to remain still. Tried not to grip her nails into the back of Lexa's neck. As much as she had liked being tied up before the thought of it wasn't what she wanted in that moment.

"Then behave yourself. Like I said, I want to have some fun first." Lexa reattached her mouth to the nipple after she had stripped her own shirt over her head.

Raven let out a long moan. Her nipples had become so overly sensitive she thought about begging Lexa to stop. It wasn't like when she teased core or clit, this shot down to her center _and_ fucked with her mind. “ _Lex_ …”

“I think it's time for Heda...but first I want to watch you undress." Lexa sat up and rolled off the girl, looking over at her.

Raven sunk into the furs feeling a little relieved and yet in desperate need of being fucked. Climbing off the bed to her feet, Raven had her brace off in a blink and was stood with her back facing the bed. She unbuttoned her pants and bent over while slowly pushing them down her legs until they were around her ankles. Looking back over her shoulder to Lexa, Raven sucked in her bottom lip and winked.

Lexa smirked, nodding at her to continue as she unzipped her own pants.

Raven stepped out of her boots and pants at the same time. Next she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her shorts and slowly dragged them down over her hips, down her legs and kicked them aside. Turning around so she was facing Lexa, Raven stood there and waited. "Is the _Commander_ ready to fuck me now?"

"Almost. I still have quite a bit of clothing on." Lexa beckoned her over with the curl of a finger, hoping to prolong Raven's need just a bit longer.

Raven places one knew in the bed between Lexa's thighs and leaned in too tight to her center. She leaned back then ground hard against her while hooking her fingers into her pants and tugging them down over her hips. She slid back off the bed to remove both boots tossing them aside then slipped the girl's pants down and off. Raven bent down over Lexa to press wet kisses along the line of her underwear and continued to kiss her way down her legs as she pulled the material off.

"And then grab my harness for me, will you?"

"Which one do you want?"

"You know which one I want."

"Let me guess, the bigger one. You know you agreed that you wouldn't use this one all the time right?”

"I didn't use it earlier today." Lexa smiled, knowing she'd use the larger one either way.

"No-" Raven picked it up and held it out for her "-but you did last night…"

"Then I won't use it tomorrow. How does that sound? And I want you to put it on me."

Raven looked Lexa's body over and pulled the harness up her legs. Tugging it up over her hips and securing it in place, Raven gave a few extra harsh tugs making sure it was tight _and_ showing some of her steadily growing frustration at what Lexa was doing.

"Alright, now the last question I'll ask you is what position you want to be in."

Raven contemplated her options, thinking that she really liked being face to face with _Lexa_ but preferred being bent over and fucked if she could get her riled up enough. "Would you like me to fuck myself too?"

"That would be interesting to watch, but I'll give you one more chance to answer my previous question." Lexa sat up and crawled over to Raven, sitting up on her knees.

"Knees-" Raven leaned in to kiss Lexa. She licked out over her bottom lip then nipped at it. "Hands and knees..."

"Then get to it before I get bored and decide to do something other than fuck you."

Raven thumped Lexa's shoulder as she turned her body around, back to front. "There's no need to so rude about it."

Lexa pushed her down on the bed, lining the dildo up with her entrance. "Watch your lip there."

"I'm all for you fucking me but can you start out a little slower this time. That thing is _really_ _fucking_ _big_." Raven peered back over her shoulder.

"Alright slow it is." Lexa winked and slowly slid the length of it inside Raven, getting all the way down to the harness.

The whimper that fell out of Raven's lips when she felt herself stretching around the girth lasted until she felt the harness press into her backside. She didn't know why bit she still hadn't been prepared for its length and thickness. " _Fuck_! Why does it feel like that things gets bigger and bigger…"

"Because you remember all the things I've done to you with it and you clench at it?" Lexa laughed at how logical that sounded.

Raven pushed back harshly into Lexa trying her best to ignore just how much she was still clenching around the dildo. "If you don't start doing _some_ of them, you're not going to get to do _any_ of them."

"You told me to go slow. Now you want me to fuck you?" Lexa pulled back and snapped her hips forward, a hand running up Raven's back.

"I said a _LITTLE_ slow-" Raven's words were cut off while she unsuccessfully tried to swallow a moan. Her hands dug into the furs to both keep her from falling forward and help her push back.

Lexa did it again a few more times, only pulling out an inch or so, before she pulled almost all the way out and then thrust back in hard.

Raven had become a panting and moaning mess. Her core was throbbing just as hard as her clit and she couldn't keep herself steady enough to rub it making it pound twice as much.

Lexa leaned over the girl, reaching down between her legs so she could start rubbing the girl's clit as she pounded into her.

The second Raven felt Lexa's fingers on her clit she panted out a heavy sigh of relief. She was still clenching hard around Lexa's dick and the burn in her belly was moving her closer to being pushed over the edge.

"Better? You like having me fuck you _and_ touch you?" Lexa growled into her ear, nipping at the skin on her shoulder.

"Yes…fuck yes I like both. Keep fucking me just like this. I'm really close…" Raven moaned out a few more words and mumbled Lexa's name just as her juices started to leak out down her thighs.

"Mm, feels good right? Keep going for me...you want to please Heda right?"

Raven dropped her head down to the furs, hands white knuckling and holding on. For a second she thought she was going to pass out from the way she was being pushed over the edge again. "Yes…yes of- fuck…I do."

"You always do such a good job. Heda loves it when you do."

"Shut up and fuck me harder!" Raven was almost positive she couldn't handle much more but she also wasn't quite ready for the girl to stop.

Lexa rubbed the girl's clit harder as her hips pulled back as much as she could with each thrust before snapping them forward.

With every snap forward of Lexa's hips into Raven, she felt her body slipping further. She was feeling fatigued but wasn't completely satisfied and wasn't sure why until her mind went back to what they had done earlier. "Lex…the thing- earlier…that we did..."

"Hm? What is it?"

"Lex…earlier..." Raven was panting and holding off another orgasm. "-when you fucked- _fuck_ my ass Lex!"

Lexa nodded and sat back as much as she could, taking her free hand and swiping it through the dripping folds to get it wet before wiggling its way into her ass.

The tight ring of muscle still felt somewhat sore but she wanted Lexa to push her over the edge one more time and this was what she needed. "Just like before Lex…fuck me hard and make me cum for you again..."

Lexa kept the speed of her hips and hand steady but kept her one finger making short, slow strokes.

"A little harder..."

Lexa pushed her finger harder, trying desperately to help Raven over the edge, which she hoped was soon.

Once again Raven found herself biting into the furs to keep from screaming out as another orgasm ripped through her body. Her body tensed up then shuddered while she started to come down from her high. "No more-"

Lexa slowed her thrusts before pulling out completely, undoing the harness and tossing it to the side. She pulled the girl down on bed with her, laying on their sides with Raven's back against her front.

"That was…" Raven let out a long breath as she finally started to relax and pushed her body back into the girl.

"Mmm." Lexa breathed in deeply, nuzzling her face against Raven's hair. She noticed a braid was very loose but didn't move to fix it.

Raven twisted her head around and kissed Lexa's lips, holding there for a few seconds. "Pay backs…Remember that Lex."

"Shh, don't talk about that now." Lexa pulled her in for another kiss, holding it loner this time.

"If you shh me one more time you'll be sleeping alone Lex." Raven punctuated her words with a sharp bite to Lexa's tongue.

"I'm not letting you leave." Lexa wrapped a leg around Raven's hip, pulling the girl against her even tighter.

"Is that a promise?" Raven pulled Lexa's arm right around her, intertwining their fingers together.

"I always keep my promises." Lexa pressed a light kiss behind Raven's ear, sighing into her skin.

"Always?" Even though there wasn't a hairs worth of space between them Raven still pushed back harder to get that much closer. "Even if…the circumstances- if they change?"

"I will find some way to make it work." If they could have melted into one, Lexa would have wanted that in this moment. She wanted every inch of skin touching to know she was here, with her, to ease her mind.

"I really hope so Lex." Raven was pretty sure they were talking and thinking about different things but she didn't even know how to explain especially after having been with Clarke for so long.

"I won't disappoint you." Lexa's eyelids were slowly closing, her breathing growing slower as she slowly fell asleep.

"It's not you disappointing me that I'm worried about." Raven felt Lexa's breathing level off and held even tighter to her. "It's me doing that to you…"

Lexa had already fallen asleep before the last part of the statement, her face buried in Raven's hair.


	57. Chapter 57

Anya had been sitting in the tavern since well before the sun had gone down. She'd been sipping at her latest mug of mead while collecting her thoughts and putting them all in order. Seeing the Clarke with Raven and the position they were in didn't alarm her but it did make everything she had been thinking and even saying to Clarke that much more real.

After Raven had left the room, Clarke had made her way to the elevator and outside, hurrying along to the tavern. Stepping inside, she spotted Anya and walked up to her, sitting next to her. "I'm sorry I'm late. Someone slept longer than anticipated."

Anya turned in her seat so she was facing Clarke. She noticed the way the younger girl seemed relaxed and at ease. She _felt_ how calm she was and none of it really came as a surprise. "No, it's okay." She waved off the comment then motioned for Clarke to sit.

"I hope I haven't missed too much of the fun while I was gone." Clarke signaled to the man working for a drink as well, turning her attention back toward Anya.

"I would like to think it's only just starting now that you're here." Anya watched the barkeep slide a drink down to Clarke before shuffling down to the end of the bar.

"Well, that's good then." Clarke picked up the mug and took a swig, placing it back down.

Anya debated for a minute on whether she should bring up the subject of Raven again. She knew Clarke's feelings, saw them. "Lexa…She won't handle this well. I can guarantee you that she is boiling over right now, Clarke."

"What do you mean?" Clarke didn't want to acknowledge that she knew Anya was referencing Raven. She didn't want her feelings getting in the way of anything.

"You know exactly what I mean. The amount of time alone, Clarke. Do you forget that I had to deal with her when you two were together? If she would have walked in today-" Anya placed a hand over Clarke's and squeezed. She knew the girl would deflect as much as she could get away with.

Clarke clenched her jaw, looking down at the warrior's hand. She was right but Clarke wouldn't admit it.

"It's not hard to see when you are with her. You're upset but that will not make what I'm saying any less true. You admit to your feelings one moment and try to deny them the next." Anya ran her fingers lightly over the girl's knuckles hoping to calm her enough to actually _hear_ what was being said. "Why?"

"I...I don't know. I've already told her how I felt but...I don't want her to hurt like that. She loves Lexa more than me and I want her to be happy." Clarke sighed, taking another swig. Letting everything pour out like this hurt, especially letting it out to Anya.

"I wish I could say that I don't know how you feel. Finish your drink." Anya brought her own mug to her lips, tipping it back emptying its contents. She placed it back on the bar top and stood, waiting for Clarke to do the same.

Clarke finished hers off and stood, looking over at the warrior. "On top of that, I don't want to hurt _you_."

"You want her to be happy the same way I want that for you." Anya placed her hand at the small of Clarke's back to guide her out of the very crowded tavern. For the most part, the market had been empty and dark leaving them to have a few moments of privacy. "We don't have a one or the other situation. Just be honest with me."

“What do you mean?”

"You choose to spend your nights with me. You don't have to but you do. You show me that you care and you know that I love you." Anya nudged the girl along so they could start walking back to the tower. "I won't ask you to choose between us. That would be asking for you to be someone you're not. But you also _must_ respect Heda."

"I know but...I missed my chance and that's what hurts the most. That I had the opportunity." Clarke looked over at the woman, hoping she would understand.

"Are you here with me because you can't be with her? Is that the only reason? Or did I miss my chance? You don't have to answer that right now either."

"No, I will answer that. Yes, maybe it has to do a little bit with not being able to be with her, but I still love you Ahn."

Anya's head jerked to the side so she was looking at Clarke's profile. She wasn't sure if the girl had realized what she had said or if she meant it but she _wanted_ it to be true. "You don't need to say that to me Clarke but I wouldn't complain if you do."

"You heard me. I didn't say it because I was forced to. I said it because I _wanted_ to." Clarke turned and looked at her, smiling. "So don't complain about it."

Anya couldn’t keep the smile from her lips. She knew things with Clarke were still complicated but hearing her say those words… There was only one thing she wanted to be doing and the entrance to the tower was not the place to be doing it. "You can tell me again later, in bed."

"Then we should get up there quickly, right?" Clarke laughed, pulling her along.

Anya pulled Clarke inside her room slamming her back into the door as it shut. She lunged forward to capture the blonde's lips in a fiery kiss only to pull away with her bottom lip slipping out from between her teeth. "I don't think _anything_ will be _quick_ tonight."

A small moan escaped Clarke's lips as she pressed herself up against the warrior. "Good. I don't want quick."

Anya leaned away far enough to spin Clarke and press front into the door. "Well, there might be _one_ thing that happens quickly." She pressed her upper body into Clarke pinning her in place and whispered into her ear. At the same time, her hands slipped down and around to the button and zipper of the girl's pants. She pushed one hand down into her underwear through the wet folds, sliding two fingers up into her core and started a fast tight pace. Her other hand tugged and pulled Clarke's pants down to just under the swell of her ass.

"Yes...oh _fuck_ yes..." Clarke was panting and moaning up against the door, hands pressed up against it. She turned her head to the side so she could see Anya behind her back.

Anya rocked her hips into Clarke's bare ass wanting the girl to feel the cool of the buckles and scratch of the belt against her skin. She trailed her free hand up and under the girl's shirt, palming first one breast than the other. "Three girls approached me while I was waiting for you… Wanting me to- wanting to be in this Very. Same. Position." Anya curled her fingers to punctuate her last few words.

"But you waited for me...how kind..." Clarke chuckled, holding back in another moan as she pressed back against the warrior. Her body was already on fire, each thrust sending another pulse to her stomach where the buildup had already begun.

Anya bit and sucked at the skin behind the blonde’s ear. She adjusted the position of her hand making her palm brush against Clarke's clit as her fingers scissored and swiped at the spongy patch inside of her. "Shut up and cum for me, Clarke."

Clarke nodded, forehead pressed against the door and eyes squeezed shut. The coil in the pit of her belly was getting tighter and tighter until she felt Anya's palm against her clit. She could feel her entire body shake as she came with a moan and then soft whimpers.

Anya slowed her fingers to help Clarke ride out her orgasm. She nipped the girl's ear again, licking the shell and pulling the lobe into her mouth. "I thought about taking them back here. Making you watch while I fucked them all. Made you sit back and look on as I rode each one for their faces to orgasm, the whole time staring into your eyes." Anya picked the pace up again and was slamming her fingers up into the girl. She had been growling the words into Clarke's ear knowing what that did to her.

"Fuck, Ahn..." Clarke was practically melting in her hands. Every thrust and growl brought another moan or whimper to her lips, helpless as she was pinned against the door, feeling the second buildup grow more rapidly than the first.

Anya sunk her teeth into the small amount of exposed skin of Clarke's shoulder. She dropped the hand that had been toying with her chest to pull the hood back and tease the tip of her clit.

Clarke's head rolled back onto Anya's shoulder as she cried out with yet another orgasm. Her legs were starting to feel like jelly under her as the assault on her senses didn't stop. "Bed...please...." She tried pleading, hoping Anya would listen.

Ignoring her request, Anya ran her nail over the girl's clit. She slowed the speed she had been pushing up into Clarke but swiped the front wall with every pass. "One more. And then I'll let you make me cum. However. You. Want." Again Anya let her fingers pinch and roll Clarke's to the punctuation of her words.

"That's if... _fuck_ if I'm conscious." Clarke bit her lip to hold back one if the increasingly loud moans. Every touch set her on fire and it never ended. She could feel herself rapidly approaching the edge again.

"I want you to _cum_ Clarke. I want to feel you clenching around my fingers." Anya lowered her voice to the exact pitch she knew drove Clarke crazy and thrusted a third finger up into her.

The third finger was what drove her over with a silent scream. Her body shook from the rapid succession and for once she was thankful Anya had her pinned to the door because her legs would have given out on her. She let the waves crash through her with soft whimpers, waiting for a bit of relief.

After easing her through the last of the waves she pulled out of Clarke but kept her fingers running up and down the soaked and dripping folds. "The only thing more beautiful than the sound of you cumming is the way you _look_ while cumming." Anya eventually pulled her hands out from between Clarke's legs and led them slowly back to the bed, laying her down. She stripped herself of every piece of clothing then climbed up next to the still dressed girl.

"I don't even think I can move right now..." Clarke chuckled, her eyes shut as she laid sprawled out on her back.

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

"Well, you said you were going to ride those girls' faces in front of me...why not ride mine instead? We both know I'd do a better job." Clarke opened her eyes and turned her head toward the woman, winking at her.

"I didn't say I was _going_ to. Simply _thought_ about it. And-" Anya crawled her way up and over Clarke's body, straddling her face. "Why would I want someone else doing what you do perfectly?"

Clarke smirked. "Exactly. No one else can do what I do." She slowly stuck her tongue out and licked up through the folds once.

Anya reached down to grab a handful of blonde locks and to hold the girl's mouth against her. She had a slight buzz from the drinks she had while waiting in the tavern which made her a little more aggressive. "I've changed my mind. You're not moving until I'm satisfied." She said while grinding down onto Clarke's tongue.

Clarke flicked her tongue over Anya's clit, emphasizing her understanding. She then managed to wrap her lips around the bud and suck hard.

Anya let go of the mass of blonde hair from the shock that ran up her spine. "Just like that, Clarke…Fuck yes..." Anya dropped her head back and rocked her hips enjoying the way the girl was working on her clit.

Clarke kept her lips around the bud, her tongue flicking over the swollen clit. Every once in a while she ran her teeth over it for a new sensation.

"Clarke…" The name sounded more like a growl than anything else. "Use your hands." Anya made a particularly harsh grind down into Clarke's face.

Wrapping her arms around the warrior's legs, Clarke flipped them around so Anya was on her back, her lips never leaving the woman's clit. She brought her hand up, two fingers quickly sliding inside the wet center and started thrusting hard and fast into her.

Anya let out a few extra grunts to try and cover the squeak of surprise from being flipped. The grunts gave way to the string of moans and curses when she felt the fingers entering her. It wasn't more than a minute before she felt the burning and bubbling pushing her closer to the edge.

Every few thrusts now Clarke curled her fingers against her front wall as she finally released the woman's clit, her tongue drawing lazy circles around it.

Anya tried to hold back as long as she could but went moaning and shaking right over the edge. If she hadn't had a few drinks _and_ had already been aching from fucking Clarke against the wall she might have been embarrassed with how quickly she came.

Clarke replaced her tongue with her thumb, rubbing tight, hard circles around the throbbing bud as she kissed her way up to the stiffened peaks of Anya's breasts, capturing one in her mouth.

Anya had her back arched up to press herself against Clarke's mouth. The double sensations were making the churning in her belly stronger, pushing her back to the edge again. With one hand digging into the furs and the other arm slung over her eyes, Anya was reduced to a whimpering mess.

Once Clarke's mouth popped off the peak she smirked. "You really think you're going to take me against the door and make me cum three times and not let me get my payback? This is going to be a lot of fun."

Anya's neck rolled back leaving her body tight from head to toe. "Whatever you wish to call it Clarke, as long as you make me cum."

"I'll make you cum as many time as I wish. And that will be no less than three." Clarke's mouth latched onto the other nipple, rolling it between her teeth.

"That would make one and a half left because I'm halfway to my next...you just keep doing what you're doing." Anya moved the arm from over her eyes to the back of Clarke's head holding her in place.

A few tongue flicks followed by the sucking and scraping of teeth over the nipple became Clarke's pattern as she slipped a third finger inside her, curling them on every thrust now.

Anya began to clench around the girl's fingers, the pressure in her core finally spilling over. She arched her back up into Clarke's touch again with a long cry of the girl’s name.

The fingers didn't stop or slow, each time curling against her wall. Clarke's thumb pushed against the throbbing, aching bud, trying to pull one more out of the warrior.

" _Sha_ _Klark_ … _sha_!" Anya crashed into a third wave with another sharp cry of the blonde’s name. She dug her nails into the furs, not caring of they were torn to shreds. Her other hand dropped down to Clarke's shoulder, holding tight.

"More? Or are you too weak to handle it? I think you can give me more..." Clarke pressed kisses up the warrior's chest, her fingers milking out the third orgasm.

" _Sha mo, Klark._.." Anya panted and gasped out as her body shook. The last orgasm having made her mind a little foggy. She wasn't sure how much more she could take but she wouldn't say no. Yet.

"That's what I thought. I was sure the strongest warrior could survive multiple orgasms."

Anya pulled Clarke up the rest of the way into a sloppy open mouth kiss that was all tongue and teeth. Using her agile strength, Anya had them flipped and was now straddling the girl's hips and grinding down on the fingers still working her core.

"See? You're so eager that you're fucking yourself now." Clarke smirked, grinding her hips up to help thrust her fingers in harder.

Putting Clarke's words out of her mind, Anya reached between them to run her fingers over the girl's clit. Her own body was racing towards another orgasm but she had just enough in her to work Clarke's stiffening bud. "I did say that you didn't get to stop until _I_ was satisfied, Clarke."

"Well, you're doing all the work yourself so I don't have to do anything right now." Clarke bit her lip, feeling the girl's hand between her legs.

Anya sat back on Clarke's thighs and stopped rocking on the girl's hand, chest still heaving. "Seems you're right." She pushing two fingers half way into her, pulled back out then pressed back in with three. She started up a blistering pace and swiped over her clit with her free hand.

"Fuck, Ahn..." Clarke's head rolled back into the furs below her, the pace almost too much for how sensitive she was.

Anya kept up her punishing pace even with the awkward angle. She swiped back and forth over her clit. Side to side and back and forth and every few passes she would let her nail scrape over the top of her straining nub. There was still a deep ache inside of her waiting for her own fourth release but she wanted Clarke to tumble back over the edge first.

"God, don't stop..." Clarke's back was arched up off the bed, hands now gripping the furs under her.

If it was possible to cum from watching Clarke's body responding to her, she would have right then and there. The need to have the girl's hands back on her grew stronger. Anya rubbed tight hard circles over her clit, her fingers curling with every pass.

With a few whimpers Clarke came on Anya's hand, back staying arched off the bed. Her knuckles had gone white from holding the furs.

Leaning forward, Anya kissed and licked at the salty skin of the girl’s chest and neck, up to her lips. "I much prefer the reward of watching you cum." She worked her fingers free from between Clarke's thighs then brought them up slid them between both of their lips to clean off.

"How does it taste?" Clarke was panting and sweating under the girl, coming off of her orgasm high.

She dipped one finger between Clarke's lips to taste and clean off. "You tell me.." Anya started to grind her hips back down onto Clarke, searching for some friction to relieve the pressure between her own legs.

"Mm, not as good as you." Clarke flipped them one more time, her head returning to its position between the warrior's legs.

The coiling in her belly had her lifting her hips up against Clarke's mouth. Anya had been on edge since she pulled away to focus on the girl and was right back to teetering over it. " _Jok sha…bilaik's em_ …"

Clarke dipped her tongue inside the hot, wet center, lapping up the juices as her thumb circled around the warrior's clit.

Anya took a deep breath in and shuddered as she came again. She was so sensitive that she didn't need all that much from Clarke to fall over the edge. This time her brain struggled to form English words. Really any words in truth, just a string of moans and possibly the girl's name rattled around in her mouth.

Clarke eased her through the orgasm, crawling back up to lay next to the warrior.

Steadying her breathing enough, Anya turned to look over Clarke's face. A laugh fell from her lips more from the feeling of being satisfied than anything else. "Well, that was worth waiting for..."

" _So_ worth it." Clarke laughed along with her, turning to lay on her side, one arm draped across Anya's abdomen.

~

As the rays broke through the curtains the next morning, Lexa found herself right in the path of the sunbeam, specifically over her eyes. With a low groan, she turned over and peeked an eye open, spotting a sleeping Raven next to her. She smiled, taking in the sleeping girl's form, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. She didn't want to leave, but Lexa knew she had to meet with the generals quickly this morning. She had some time, though, and she knew how she would spend it. Leaning over, she started with a gentle kiss to Raven's jawline, careful not to move the girl much as to not wake her.

Raven let out a soft sigh at the slight movement, subconsciously moving into the touch. After a few seconds she stilled, falling back into her slumber.

Lexa smiled, watching the girl react and then still. She trailed her kisses down her neck and chest, taking a moment to gently suck on each nipple before popping off and continuing her trail of kisses.

Raven arched her sleeping body into the touch, again, with a moan that sounded trapped in her throat. Her fingers flexed and relaxed a few times into the furs at her hips before stilling, again.

Slowly climbing under the furs, Lexa carefully parted Raven's legs and positioned herself between them, taking in the sight before slowly running her tongue up through the folds.

Another soft moan sounded from Raven's throat at the first feel of Lexa's tongue. It hadn't pulled her into consciousness yet but her hands flexed and raised to grip the pillow under head.

Another cautious lick to test the waters, then Lexa slowly slid one finger inside of her, slowly pumping it in time to her tongue.

Raven turned her head to the side, face scrunching up a few times. Her breathing increased to a mild pant from the way Lexa was slowly working into her core.

Sliding another finger in to join the first, Lexa kept her pace about the same as it was. She wanted to gently wake Raven up and push her over the edge, not startle her awake. Her tongue focused around the girl's clit, drawing light circles around it.

Raven's hips rolled back and forth with the same pace of Lexa's fingers. She hadn't completely woken up but she felt the stir in the pit of her stomach and the tingling in her clit making whimpers and moans spill from her mouth.

All of the sounds were music to Lexa's ears as she continued her gentle movements, waiting for the girl to wake up.

Raven's eyes started to flutter open, she reached out to her side feeling around when she realized she wasn't dreaming. Her eyes slammed shut, one hand dropped down to the back of Lexa's head holding her there. "How long have- god that feels so damn good Lex..."

Lexa placed a few kisses up between Raven's hips before trailing them up to her mouth. "Good morning _ai hodnes_. Feels good?"

"So good…so so good." Raven pressed more kisses to the girl's lips. Her hips continued to roll at the same pace as her fingers moved. "I'm so cl-close..."

"Then cum for me Raven..." Lexa placed a much harder kiss against the girl's neck, nipping at the skin under her.

Pressing her neck into the kiss, Raven felt her body start to tense then tremble. It was like her body was unraveling and Lexa was the one holding the string. "Shit Lex! So good..."

"Only the best for you _ai hodnes_. I love feeling you fall apart under me..."

Raven pulled some deep breaths in through her nose to calm herself. She ran her fingers up and down Lexa's back, stopping here and there to trace the muscles and old scars. "By far the best way to wake up."

"I'm glad you liked it. I know you hate when I leave and you don't know where I am." Lexa placed a few more kisses to the girl's neck before bringing her fingers up to her mouth, wrapping her lips around the digits and sucking gently.

Raven was mid-yawn when Lexa slid her own fingers into her own mouth. Every time she watched her do it, it made her shudder and lick her own lips. "Not that I didn't thoroughly enjoy that but, we both know you didn't want to be the only one awake."

"That is true too." Lexa smiled as she trailed a clean finger down the girl's chest and abs, tracing the skin.

Raven captured the girl’s hand, bringing it up to her lips to kiss the fingertips. "You should get ready and I should go back to sleep."

"I guess so..." Lexa watched her quietly, content with missing her meeting and just staying here instead.

"Or don't and stay here." Raven raised her hand to cover up another yawn. "Either way I'm going back to sleep."

"Please do. It will make leaving you here slightly easier for me."

Raven leaned up and kissed the brunette's lips. She kissed her softly and slid her tongue into the girl's mouth. She kissed her until she was out of breath and her eyes began to droop. "I'll see you later."

"Of course, _ai hodnes_. Where shall we meet?"

Raven rolled onto her side and curled up into the furs. "Workshop. Probably…" She mumbled out as she fell back to sleep.

Lexa smiled as she got up, quickly dressing before coming back to the bed and leaning over, placing a gentle kiss on her head before heading down into the throne room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGEDASLENG TRANSLATION:
> 
> Bilaik’s em = that’s it


	58. Chapter 58

Anya finished up the last of her conversation with one of the Generals as they walked to the door. Turning back to Lexa after the last of the group has left, Anya took in her mood and demeanor carefully. She had had a few things on her mind since the two Skaikru girls had returned to Polis and felt it was time to talk to the younger warrior about it. "Heda...Lexa. There has been some things on my mind that I think we should talk about." Anya gestured to the old tattered chairs that were rarely ever used during their meetings.

"Alright...is there something wrong?" Lexa sat in one of the chairs, waiting for Anya to join her. The sudden need for conversation startled her slightly but she kept her composure.

Anya narrowed her eyes as she sat. "I wouldn't say _wrong_." She leaned back in her seat, preparing for _how_ Lexa would react.

"Then what is it?"

"Did you speak with Raven? Like I suggested, about Clarke?"

"Well...I was but..." Lexa looked away, refusing to meet the older warrior's eyes.

"Okay…" Anya nodded. The answer proving to be uphill battle she was more than likely facing. "Any reason as to why?"

"Well...uh, we didn't do much talking last night..."

"You had _all_ day."

"Alright! I already know how she feels. I refuse to accept it, but I know."

"This won't go away. You do realize that, yes?" Anya moves to place a comforting hand to the Commander's knee. "Whether you accept it or not. Although I do believe that would be the better option here."

"Better option?" Lexa looked back up at her, thinking about what else they could do.

"Maybe you figure out how to accept it and we _let_ that be okay." Anya took in a steadying breath, knowing Lexa would not have the best reaction.

"Let that be okay? You mean to say _let_ them do-No!" Lexa stood quickly, moving away from Anya. How _dare_ she suggest something like this. It felt like a betrayal by someone closer to her than anyone else.

Anya stood to move towards the girl but stopped short thinking better of it. "Lexa…You cannot ignore this. It will not make it any less true and I've already told you as much."

"I can't believe you would even _suggest_ something like this!"

"I didn't actually suggest anything. You jumped to conclusions." Anya waved her hands out in between them. "Do yourself a favor and _talk to her_ , Lexa."

"Talk? About what? 'How do you feel about Clarke?' I already know how she feels. If I wasn't in the picture she would be all over Clarke."

"You don't know how or what, Lexa. Or even why. Don't you think you should know this?"

"What do you mean?" Lexa was definitely upset and now, to her, none of this was making any sense.

"How can you truly know what she is feeling of you don't ask her? Do you think it's easy for me to hear Clarke admit her feelings for Raven?" Anya moved around the chairs to stand in front of Lexa.

"And what has Clarke said? Hm?"

"Clarke has been honest with me. Every question I have asked of her… She has answered. You know she would do _anything_ for Raven. Including sit back and just be her friend."

Lexa turned away from her, unable to stand this conversation any longer. "I will speak with her then. Anything else you wish to speak of, _Adviser_?"

"Don't do that Lexa. Not with me. You want to be mad or upset, that's fine. But don't hide behind that mask to do it. Not about this."

"Anything else, Adviser?"

"No. Nothing else."

"Fine. Leave."

Anya looked Lexa over once then nodded. She knew this would be a difficult topic and hadn't been too far off in expecting this reaction. She turned on her heels and left without another word.

~

After the conversation with Anya, Lexa contemplated going over to the workshop to talk with Raven, but instead decided to stop by her room. She stepped in, seeing the bed empty and thinking Raven had already gone to the workshop. She quickly unbuckled her shoulder piece and then tossed it to the side, it hitting the ground with a thud as she fell back onto the bed.

Raven stepped out of the bathroom with her pants on but unzipped, bra but no shirt and hair pulled back into her usual ponytail. She heard the door open and the clatter of Lexa's shoulder piece then watched as she dropped back on the bed. Quietly she made her way to the girl’s side and straddled her hips. "Bad meeting?"

Lexa looked up at the girl quickly, shocked that she was still in the room. "You're still here?"

"Expecting someone else?" Raven leaned down and dropped a few kisses to her lips and cheeks. "You did tire me out again this morning."

"Yeah, I guess I did...I was wondering something though." Lexa chewed at her lip as she gently pushed Raven away enough so that they could talk face to face.

Sitting off to the side on the bed, Raven reached for her shirt and turned it right side out. "Okay… something good, something bad…?" Raven grinned at Lexa waiting for her to say something.

"Well, I don't know. See, I know you have feelings for Clarke but to what extent…that I do not know."

Raven blinked, her face falling into a questioning expression. It was the first time Lexa had asked outright. "Wha- Why are you..?" Raven shook her head and stood from the bed. "It doesn't matter, Lex. I'm with _you_. I _love_ you."

"Raven, tell me the truth. Tell me how you feel about Clarke."

"Why? Did she say something _again_?" Raven pulled her shirt on, yanking it down into place. Her breathing sped up and her heart felt like it was going to hammer its way out of her chest. There was no way she was going to be able to tell Lexa how much she loved Clarke. "She's my- It doesn't matter what I feel for her. We're friends-"

"Stop lying! I only want to know the truth. You feel something for her in the same way you feel for me." Lexa stood up, blocking Raven's path to the door.

Raven tried to swallow down the lump that had formed in her throat, clearing it a few times as well. She was not going to cry about this. Not again. She couldn't stop her mind from drifting to the way Clarke kissed her back in Arkadia or the words she said as they parted ways the day they returned to Polis. "Please don't ask me this Lex."

"I only want the truth. That's it." She took another step forward. "I won't love you any less if you tell me."

"I- She…" Raven started, her eyes holding the green ones until she couldn't. She opened and closed her mouth a few times but could not find the words. She thought about the day before and waking up next to Clarke. Then she thought about walking back into this very room afterwards and the way Lexa was acting.

"Raven, just tell me. I only want to understand." Lexa took another step forward, this one making her close enough do that she could reach out and place her hand on the girl's shoulder.

After nodding once and accepting that Lexa wasn't just going to drop this, Raven looked back up into the green eyes. She loved them both and there was no denying it now. "I do. Love her- I do love her."

Lexa could feel her jaw clench as she nodded. She knew that was coming but it still hurt to hear it come out of Raven's mouth that way. "Then I'm guessing the office in Arkadia wasn't the only time with her, correct?"

"Yes, no- It didn't happen again after that day and it _won't_." Raven felt her stomach twist and her heart clench. It was like a piece of her was being torn away and stomped on. What made it worse was knowing she was the one doing the stomping. "Is that what you think?"

"I just wanted the truth. That's it. And I think I should have had it long before I had to ask about it." Lexa practically spit out the last sentence, the words heavy on her tongue. She didn't want to accept it but now that it was out...there was no way around it.

"I want _this_ , here with you." Raven waved her arms out around in a circle. "Maybe I should have said something but it doesn't change me wanting and choosing you."

"And it doesn't change my choice either, but don't you think I had a right to know?"

"Maybe. Anything to do with Clarke isn't exactly an easy topic with you. And I get that, given your own history with her. Half the time I'm expecting you to try and forbid me from even being around her..." Raven shifted from foot to foot, the ache in her leg making itself known.

"I don't want to separate you two. At first I did what I had to because I couldn't trust her. Now...I don't know if I can trust either of you." Lexa crossed her arms over her chest, that way Raven couldn't see how heavy her breathing had gotten. Now it was her turn to hold back the angry tears that pricked at her eyes.

Raven took an involuntary step back feeling as if she'd been slapped. She knew this wouldn't be easy, wouldn't just be swept away and forgotten. She also knew Lexa had every right to feel the way she did. "I wouldn't hurt you- I won't! Not like that."

"You wouldn't? What if you already had?" Lexa was looking down at the ground now, unable to bring her eyes up to meet the younger girl's. Tears started to cloud her vision as she cleared her throat.

"I thought we were over. Done. And that I wouldn't see you again...not that soon. _That_ was not about _you_.”

"And why would you think that we were done? You thought- No, never mind. I'm done."

Raven's eyes widened with panic. She took a chance and stepped into Lexa's space. Raising her hands to cup the girl's cheeks, Raven just stood there looking into the obviously pained green eyes. "Done? With me?"

"No...at least I don't think so. I just need a bit of time to myself...I'll find you later." Lexa pulled away gently and turned, walking back out of the room.

"Of course! Walk away..." Raven swiped at the few tears that slid down her face. It felt like the weight on her shoulders had been lifted and then piled upon again. She stepped into her boots and tied them tight before strapping her brace into place. She walked out of the room and headed to the only place she could think of. Raven knocked twice on Clarke's door and waited.

Clarke answered the door, seeing Raven and smiling before actually seeing the tears. She pulled the girl in tight against her chest. "Raven, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Don't!" Raven pulled back and pushed the blonde away and somehow managed to ache to be back in her arms. "What did you say to her? What did you do?"

"What did I do? Raven what are you talking about? Is this something to do with Lexa?"

"Do me a favor Clarke, and stay the hell away from me. All loving you get me is _hurt_." Raven backed up until she hit the wall in the hall.

"Raven what happened? Just talk to me okay?" Clarke followed her out but stayed in the doorway, leaving enough space between them.

Raven bent at the waist, one hand on her knee the other out in front of her to maintain the space between them. The thought of Lexa being done with her made her insides feel like they were on fire. "She wanted to know what my feeling for you were. Kept asking... And pushing..."

"What? Dear god...Raven, I didn't say anything. The only person I've told is..." Clarke bit her lip, realizing exactly what happened.

"You told?" Raven righted herself, her eyes taking on a slightly wild shine to them. "You _told_ Anya? What the hell did you tell her Clarke?"

"She was asking me! Probably like how Lexa was asking you. And I was honest with her because I trust her. She must've said something to Lexa...I'm so sorry Raven..."

"Save your sorry Clarke. What _exactly_ did you say to Anya?"

"How I felt about you, that's it. I didn't tell her about anything else, I swear."

"So you were honest with her about that but not honest enough to tell her you kissed me?"

"I was keeping that a secret."

"Then why don't I believe you?" Raven regretted it the moment she said it. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said that. I should go. I can't keep doing this- running to you every time."

"Alright, yeah...that might be better."

She opened her mouth to say something. Anything really. Raven knew that even though she felt like her heart was breaking she had to close her mouth and do what she'd said and go. "Yeah..." Was all she mumbled out as she turned and walked away.

Clarke kicked the door frame gently, tears pricking at her eyes as she closed the door.

Raven climbed the few steps back up to Lexa's bedroom. She walked in going straight to the couch and curled up into a ball. She knew Lexa wouldn't react well, that was a given. It wasn't like she could turn her feelings off and she wasn't mad at Clarke either. Raven let the tears soak her face as she sobbed, eventually falling asleep.

~

Anya made her way back into the throne room after spending some time in the market. She had spoken with some of the guards and warriors, arranged a few trades with vendors and walked around for a short time going over the conversation she had with Lexa. When she stepped into the room she was a little surprised to see the younger warrior.

Lexa had been in the room for a while, slumped on the throne with her head in her hand. She wouldn't admit she was crying but her red puffy eyes told the real story of her day.

"Heda?" Anya looked her over, seeing the tear tracks down her face and her slumped posture. "Tell me what happened."

"What happened? What do you think happened? Thanks to you, I may have just ruined the best thing I have right now." Lexa wiped at her face, sitting up slightly on the throne.

"Because of me?" Anya let out a heavy sigh and sat at the long table used for meetings. She repeated her request again. "Tell me what happened?"

"I asked her about her feelings for Clarke. She was hesitant so I kept pushing up until she said she loved her. And apparently they have had more instances of them together in Arkadia after I left. And then I got mad and left so I wouldn't take it out on her. I think I may have ended our relationship...I don't even know what to do anymore."

"Lexa…did you honestly not know? And are you saying that after we left...they what? Slept together again?" Anya shifted in her seat knowing something more _did_ happen but unsure if that was what Lexa had been referring too.

"I don't know what they did. I was fine living in that peaceful, ignorant bliss but _no_. _You_ had to push me to talk with her. _You_ were the reason I kept pushing today, and look where that got me!"

"She loves you and Clarke. Yet she chooses you. Came _here_ for you. Shares your bed at night. She chooses you before you even ask that of her."

"I know she did. _Did_. Now I have no clue what she will do. I'm almost expecting her to not come back tonight or ever..." Lexa bit her lip, holding back the tears and anger again. She didn't want to lash out but she couldn't help herself.

"I think maybe you underestimate her. I also still think we should let them deal with whatever it is between them." Anya kept her eyes on Lexa, watching for any reaction she may have.

"What do you mean, let them deal with it? Are you suggesting we let them figure out their feelings?”

"Yes." Anya nodded and stood. "I think we should. It may end up not being something they want, but if it is and it makes Clarke happy? I can live with that."

"So we just let them talk it out? What if it ends up like all the other times and they kiss again hm?" Lexa looked up at the older warrior, trying to wrap her mind around the situation.

"This isn't a foreign concept Lexa. It does happen in our culture." Anya moved to the open bay of windows, looking out over market. She wasn't overjoyed at the thought of this but it felt like the right way of handling it.

"You mean to tell me you want us to _let_ them do that?"

"If that's what they want. Yes." Anya looked back over her shoulder to Lexa. "Have you ever actually _looked_ at them when they are together? Seen that pull that's there between them?"

"No!" Lexa stood up quickly. "Why would you even suggest that they do that? Aren't you afraid that they'll want each other more and leave us behind?"

"They would have done it already."

"Who's to say they haven't yet? I refuse to... _share_ her."

Anya walked back into the middle of the room, her jaw working side to side. She knew the weight of what they were discussing but it was starting to test her patience. "If she was going to _leave_ you for Clarke she would have done it already."

"And how would you know that?" Lexa quickly stood from the throne, standing right in front of it.

"Because I was watching and listening while you decided to make a home in your 'ignorant bliss.'"

"No- I can't let- But-" Lexa sighed, running a hand over her face.

"I don't want to _share_ Clarke, but I _already_ am."

Lexa sighed, looking at the older woman. "Alright."

"Lexa, this isn't a decision you should make with _me_ , or even right now. Go find Raven, talk to her. I don't know that this is something she wants but I think it could be, for both of them." Anya sat heavily into the chair she had been sat at earlier that day. She was tired and her mind needed a rest but she was also a little relieved that Lexa came around to seeing things a little clearer.

Lexa nodded and looked down at her before exiting, heading off to find Raven.

~

Once she had left Anya in the throne room, Lexa went in search of Raven throughout the city. Every place she thought of and looked turned up empty, causing Lexa to become even more worried that she had lost her chance. Feeling almost defeated, she retreated to her room with the smallest bit of hope Raven would come back at least once. She did not expect to find the girl curled up on the couch, asleep but obviously crying earlier. Lexa walked over, crouching next to the couch and watching her, a hand reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear that had escaped from the hair tie.

Raven's eyes flew open, her head jerking to the side at the touch. Her head and mind was is a heavy sleep fog making it hard for her to understand where she was and why. "Lex...?" Raven sat up as her fog started to fade and she remembered the conversation they had had.

"Raven..." Lexa pulled her hand back, carefully watching the girl. "Can we...uh, can we talk?"

"If you want me to leave just tell me now. We don't have to drag this out." Raven pushed back into the couch trying to prepare for the worst.

"No...I don't. There's some things we need to talk about though, and the first starts with me apologizing to you." Lexa stood and sat next to Raven on the couch, her hands folded in her lap.

"Apologize… For what?" Raven resisted the urge to move closer to her, instead moving a little further away and turning her body so she was facing her. "I should have said something. I knew how you felt and I didn't..."

"I shouldn't have snapped at you like I did. And we both almost paid for it. I don't want you to leave...I love you too much to let you go."

"I don't want to leave. I _want_ to be here with _you_ Lex." Raven leaned forward to press her forehead to the side of Lexa's head.

"But there's more. I think we both can agree you do love Clarke too, yes?"

Raven tensed up at the question. She didn't want to talk about Clarke anymore but knew she had to, at least, be honest. "Yes…I do- I do love her too."

"Well, Anya and I had a conversation. A possible solution to the problem of both your and Clarke's feelings, if you will. I am not fully in agreement on this, but I can compromise for now."

Sitting back against the arm of the couch, Raven wore a look of confusion to match the words that she stumbled over. "Solution to my feeling? Compromise? What the hell are you saying?"

Lexa sighed, sitting forward again. "We're letting you two figure out your feelings on your own. Together. However you need to do that is up to you two."

Raven looked at Lexa as if she had gone crazy. "No."

"No?" Lexa looked up at her, confused by her response. "What do you mean? Is there something wrong?"

Raven stood from the couch, pacing to the middle of the large space. "I know how she feels, Lexa. And she knows how I feel. That's it." For a few seconds she let herself imagine being near Clarke. Clarke's fingers in her hair and Clarke's lips on her own. Her heart started to race at the thought of it but she couldn't do that, she couldn't believe that Lexa would ever be okay with any of that.

"But yet you two still hurt over that." Lexa stood in front of Raven, stopping her pacing. "I only want what's best for you. And I think this will make you happy, no matter what you two do with each other. Let's just call it an experiment for now, okay? See what happens. I only want you to be happy."

" _Do_ with each other?" Raven looked into those green eyes that made her melt, searching for some sort of understanding of what she was hearing. "My feelings aren't an experiment Lex. I can't just open myself up like that…and what if you don't like it or change your mind? What then?"

"I will voice my concerns if any arise, but this is all up to you. How you interpret it is up to you. And you have already opened up to her just fine, I don't think you'll have a problem."

Raven shook her head still not believing what she was hearing. "This isn't you. You nearly pulled my arm out of its socket because you saw her looking at me from across the market yesterday. What did Anya _say_ to you to even get you to _think_ this would be okay?"

"She convinced me to look at this from another angle. I told you that I only want you to be happy, and yes, you are happy with me, but you're happy with her as well."

"So what you are saying is…you…you're going to be okay if I happen to agree to this and Clarke agrees with this and her and I...do end up…?" Raven let the last few words die on her tongue. She knew Lexa would know what they were, know what was implied.

Lexa nodded. "If you are happy...then I am okay with that."

"How would it work? Like an open relationship? Is that what this would be?" Raven glanced back and forth between the girl's eyes and lips, her tongue licking out over her own to give them some moisture.

"That is how I see it ending, but you will have to talk with Clarke about that."

"Later." Raven felt her body relax in a way it hadn't in longer than she could even remember. "Right now…I'd rather be here, with you."

"I'd like that too." Lexa took a few steps forward, standing right in front of the girl, looking down. Now it was her turn for her eyes to dart between the brown eyes and the lips she wished were on hers at the moment.

Raven leaned her body into the one in front of her. She wrapped her arms the girl's neck and pulled their faces to within inches of each other. "I love you. That _won't_ change."

"It better not." Lexa chuckled slightly, a smile finally appearing on her face as she closed the gap to place a gentle kiss on the girl's lips.


	59. Chapter 59

Since Raven had left the room earlier, Clarke had possibly worn a line into the floor with how long she had been pacing. She couldn't bring herself to go out looking for Anya and she _definitely_ wanted to give Raven her space, but what else was she to do?

Anya took a moment to collect herself before she knocked once on Clarke's door. She was mostly relieved at finally having the discussion with Lexa even though there was a small part of her that hoped Clarke wouldn't want that. She exhaled a long steady breath and waited for the door to open.

Clarke yanked open the door just a bit too quickly, seeing the older warrior in the other side calming her slightly. "Hi..."

Anya looked from Clarke to the hall, a little startled by the way the door had been opened. She stepped into the blonde's space looked her over, checking to see that she was okay. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, sorry." Clarke closed the door behind her, turning back to the warrior. "Why are you here so early?"

"Let's sit, talk." Anya made her way to the couch, sitting at one end and waited for Clarke to join her before saying anything else.

"About what? Is something wrong?" Clarke sank onto the opposite side of the couch, looking at her.

"About Raven-" She shifted enough so her body was facing Clarke and not just her head. "You and Raven to be more specific."

"What about us? There's nothing with us. Not anymore." Clarke thought about earlier in the day when Raven had confronted her, biting her lip as she remembered the hurt she felt.

"She was here, wasn't she? That's why you opened the door like that." Anya watched Clarke trying to read her, understand what she had meant.

Clarke nodded. "We agreed that we needed space. A lot of it."

"Then why were you hoping it was her on the other side of that door?"

"I-" Clarke sighed. "Because no matter what I tell myself, I love her, and you know that. I was hoping she had changed her mind."

"This was her decision? For space? You don't want that?"

"Before anything else she's my best friend. I need her there as my friend." Clarke stared across the room, not looking at the warrior.

"Clarke..." Anya moved closer to her on the couch taking a hand into her own and squeezing. "What did she say?"

"She said that me loving her was only hurting her. And that you were the one who pushed Lexa to ask her about everything and then...I don't even know. Everything went downhill."

"I did tell Lexa to talk to her about this. She had to stop ignoring what was right in front of her face, pretending this wasn't real."

"But she didn't have to push Raven like that. It hurt more than anything else." Clarke pulled her hand away, returning it to her lap.

"She needed to know, to see it. It was not meant to hurt you, or either of them."

"Well that's what happen. All three of us apparently. Why are you asking about all this?"

"I want you to be happy Clarke, and when you are with her…It shows. On her too."

"Yeah, so? What are we supposed to do about that?”

"Go figure it out. You and Raven. I really don't think it would make you love me any less, but I do believe it would make you happier. Both of you." Anya stood, her eyes taking in the defensive posture Clarke had been sitting in. "There was this calm to you when I had walked in yesterday. The way you just sat there with her asleep on you. How could I ever want to take that away from you?"

"What?" Clarke finally looked up at the warrior. "You mean that you _want_ me to go see her? Even with all this? What about Lexa?"

"Lexa sees things…quite differently now. So if _you_ want to go work this out with Raven, you should." Anya turned her back so she could take in a few deep breaths. She might have been the one leading them all down this path but it didn't mean she was thrilled with any of it. She just happen to feel it was the best option for all of them.

Clarke stood and walked over to the warrior, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I don't want to hurt you though."

Anya turned, raising her hands to cup the girl's cheeks. "I know. That's what makes this a little easier." She looked into the blue eyes that had help her captive for longer than any of them had even known. It was more than likely that she would have done just about anything to see those eyes shine.

"As long as you're okay with this..." Clarke refused to break her gaze as her hand covered one of the warrior's.

"For you, I am. Raven might not choose this though. And you still must respect Lexa. You know as well as I, this won't be something she takes lightly.” Anya pressed her body into Clarke's, wanting to feel her close.

"Of course. It's Lexa I'm worried about the most."

"You know better than most, possibly even me, that Lexa would never have agreed to give this a chance if she wasn't somewhat understanding of it. She doesn't and won't like this any more than I do but…This is where we all are."

Clarke nodded, not speaking this time. It was hard to wrap her head around all this. "So what happens now?”

"That would be up to you now, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah...I'll go talk to Raven later. Right now I just want to stay here. With you."

"Is that so?" The smile that spread across Anya's face seemed to reach from ear to ear.

"Of course. Where else would I want to be?"

"Shut up Clarke. Shut up and kiss me." Anya dropped her hands from her face moving them to around her waist, holding her even closer.

"Mm, I don't know. I don't think you want it enough." Clarke smirked, trying to push her farther.

"You know that thing I do…with my fingers? That makes your eyes roll into the back of your head?" She said, thumbs rubbing light circles into the small of Clarke's back.

"How can I ever forget that?"

Anya made to let go and make a move to the door. "How would you like it if I said that to you?"

"Said what? That I don't want it enough?"

"Clarke." Anya growled out a low warning.

"Well, if you did say that, with this new agreement-" Clarke walked over and locked the door, then turned back to Anya. "-I'd just go find Raven instead."

Anya just stood there, hurt flashing in her eyes. It was the moment she had been dreading. The thing she knew would sting if it was ever said and here it was. Even if it was in jest it still stung.

Clarke could see it the minute the words were out of her mouth. She crossed back over to Anya and pulled the older warrior into her arms, covering her face with light kisses.

"That's not why I did this. I'm not a fool to think that you won't… I just don't- I'm only interested in what _we_ do."

"I should have never said that...I'm sorry." Clarke kissed her temple, her lips lingering against the skin as she whispered. "Let me make it up to you?"

Anya felt a shiver go down her spine from the heated breath on her skin. She ached to let Clarke have her way with her, make it up to her…touch her everywhere. "You make it so incredibly hard to resist you..."

Clarke smiled as she tugged the warrior towards the bed, pushing her down and then straddling her hips.

Anya sat up in one elbow, holding Clarke in place with the other arm. "I cannot believe I'm about to say this but…maybe we hold off for now?"

"Alright, yeah. That's fine." Clarke climbed off of her, lying next to the warrior.

Anya sucked in a few calming breaths. Her body felt like it was on fire everywhere they were touching and the ache between her legs was almost too much. Without a second thought, Anya rolled half onto Clarke and attached her lips to the girl's neck. She bit and sucked at the flesh making sure to leave her mark in more than one place. Pulling her lips from skin, Anya leaned back with a wry smile. "A little motivation to come find me later."

Clarke couldn't hold back the moan in her throat. "Oh for sure."

Anya folded her hands on Clarke's chest, resting her chin on top of them. In a rare moment of vulnerability, she held the sky blue eyes for a long moment before she spoke. "Don't make me end up regretting this."

“I told you, Anya, I don't want you getting hurt either. I won't leave you completely."

Anya rolled away and stood from the bed. She refused to show the hurt this time even with regret slamming into her from all angles. "Do what you need to for you. I'll…see you later." Anya moved to the door unlocking it and walking out.

"Wait, Ahn!" Clarke got up quickly and ran out into the hall, looking for the warrior.

Anya had barely moved to the side in time to avoid being run over by the girl. Her brows scrunched together in a questioning look towards Clarke.

"Please don't leave..." Clarke put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

"I think it's the best thing to do right now Clarke."

"I want you to stay...I want _you_."

"I do truly hope that is true because I fall deeper for you as the days pass." Anya cupped her chin, pulling her forward and pressing a soft barely there kiss to her lips. She pulled back with a soft smile and her scent thick in her nose. "Later. I'll let you make it up to me."

"Of course I will, but why do you have to leave now?"

"Because I'm not altogether sure that I'd be able to let go of you if I stay now."

"That's fine with me. I'll allow that."

"Please Clarke... I don't want to be here when Raven knocks on your door."

"Then let's go to your room."

"Did I read this wrong? Do you not want to…with her? Isn't that what you wanted?" Anya searched every inch of the girl's face trying to understand what was happening and why Clarke didn't want her to leave.

"This has nothing to do with her right now. I still love _you_. And I don't want you running away either." Clarke bit her lip, knowing Raven was in the back of her mind but right now Anya was front and center.

"I'm not running away… None of this is going to easy but I can at least give you the time to work it out."

"I'll work it out later. Right now I want to stay with you. I'm not going to push your feelings aside that easily. I told you last night, I _love_ you."

"I know you did." Anya nodded more to herself than Clarke. "If you want me to stay I will, but not for…"

"Alright...yeah. Maybe it's better if you go for now. I can collect my thoughts...yeah, I'll come find you later okay?"

For what may have been the first time that Anya could remember, she started to feel what she could only guess was a streak of jealousy. Her palms started to sweat and there was an itch on the back of her neck that wouldn't go away when she scratched at it. She reasoned with herself that she was the reason this was happening but still could not shake the feeling. "I'll most likely be at the tavern but please…don't rush."

"I promise I won't keep you waiting..." Clarke watched her demeanor change right in front of her. She knew this wouldn't be easy but knowing the warrior, she knew that eventually everything would work out.

"No, don't make that promise. Take the time, take all the time you need." Anya ran her thumb along the girl's bottom lip, the feeling of it giving her an immediate sense of calm throughout her body.

Clarke nodded, her cheek pressing against the warrior's hand. "Then I'll just see you later."

Anya took one last sweeping look over Clarke. Her face and neck. Outline of her chest down to her pants and boots. Slowly she scanned back up, eyes coming to a stop on the blue pair. She saw what she need, took the silence and let that be enough to allow her to walk away.

Clarke watched her walk down the hall, her heart squeezing in her chest. The pain was enough to make her think twice about what was about to happen, but then she went back into her room, closing the door and leaning back against it.

~

Raven swung the door open leading into the hall from the stairwell. It hadn't been a very far walk but her body felt just as exhausted as her mind. From the moment Lexa had told her brought up the possibility of an open relationship she was a mix of too many emotions. Stepping up to the door, she knocked twice. She still didn't know what she was going to say or do but she waited.

After Clarke had returned to the room, she had spent the rest of her time sitting and thinking. Thinking about this whole proposition. Thinking about who could and would be hurt the most by this. Thinking about everything that went into her decision. The knock at the door had pulled her from her thoughts as she slowly stood and walked over, opening the door.

"Clarke…" The name fell from her lips in a whisper. It was all she could say but it held the weight of so much more. The blue eyes that were looking back at her felt as though they were holding her in place but she didn't know if she wanted to run away or move forward.

"Raven..." Clarke hadn't expected her this early. Quite frankly, she hadn't expected to see Raven at all today. After Raven had told her to stay away, Clarke was sure that they would avoid each other for some time before talking about their relationship.

"I'm sorry-" Raven tried to look away from her eyes. She tried to look anywhere else but only managed to find herself staring at her lips whenever she wasn't still staring into hypnotizing pools of blue. "For what I said. I don't want that..."

"I know...I'm guessing Lexa talked to you?" Clarke stepped aside, hoping Raven would walk in so they could really talk about this.

Accepting the invitation to enter, Raven walked in but stopped short not knowing if she wanted to sit on the couch or not. It had been a rare event that she hadn't laid there with her head in Clarke's lap. Instead, she turned and waited for the girl. "Yeah…she did. So I guess _we_ talk about- I don't even know..."

"Yeah, everything's just confusing right now...here, let's just sit and talk then so we can figure this out, or at least make sense of it." Clarke shut the door and walked over to the couch, sitting and waiting for Raven to join her. She knew the girl was hesitating because of their usual position on the couch, but Clarke didn't care. She only wanted to speak with the girl in an attempt to try and wrap her head around all of it.

"I _want_ you Clarke." Raven stayed where she was standing. She licked her lips and took a deep breath in through her nose, blazing brown eyes boring down on her. "I want you so _badly_ that I don't even know how I'm not near you, next to you, kissing you. And yet I don't know what to think..."

"Well, if we understand this correctly, then you can have that. _We_ can have that." Clarke stood and went back over to Raven, standing in front of the girl. She gently grabbed her arms, holding her there. "This is the chance we missed. We can have this now, and I want it badly."

"Why? Why do you want it badly _now_? You had me…Underneath you. Any time you wanted." Raven ran her hand over the braid at the top of her head, the sweet memory of the way Lexa put had asked to do it made her that much more worried.

"I can't explain why. Maybe it's because I know that you finally felt the way I did. I can't explain it, but I know it now. The question is do _you_ want it?"

Raven stepped around the girl to walk to the bay of windows. She leaned into the wall, eyes focusing on whatever random lights flashing below them. "Since the day I landed…I don't think I've stopped wanting you since that day. This affects other people now…"

Clarke slowly walked over and stood next to her, eyes focused on the girl. "Well now we know. We can't change the past, let's work towards the future instead."

Raven felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end from how close Clarke was. She desperately wanted to turn and face her but knew she couldn't trust herself not to kiss her. Not yet. Keeping her body in place, she turned her head slightly when she spoke. "How would this work- how would _you_ want this to go?" Raven worried at her lower lip then took another deep breath. "I don't want to hurt Lexa but if this was a test...I'm obviously failing it."

"Maybe we just take this slow, alright? Test the waters and see how it goes. I don't want anyone getting hurt from this."

"I can't do that Clarke. We're either doing this or we aren't." Raven finally turns and faces her, brown eyes wide and searching. She understood this was potentially dangerous but there was no way she could do it halfway.

Clarke's blue eyes searched the girl's face, seeing exactly what she couldn't put into words. "Alright, but I think slow is good for now."

Raven stepped further into Clarke's personal space. She raised a hand to her cheek, letting her fingers dip back into her hair, thumb tracing lightly over her cheekbone. Her eyes jumped from the blonde's lips to her neck and back up to her eyes. "Slow…If that's the pace you really want."

"That's good for now I think, don't you agree?" Clarke's arms slowly wrapped around the girl's waist, pulling her in closer.

Raven's heart started to pound fast and hard in her chest. A large part of the tension in her body seemed to melt away. She brought her other arm up, resting it on the girl's shoulder, fingers caressing the back of her neck. "For now…" Raven's eyes flicked to the bed that was in her line of sight just behind the blonde. "Okay."

"Alright good. Now we're in agreement..." Clarke absentmindedly licked her lip, staring at the brunette’s.

"I should probably go…" The words left her mouth but she didn't move. Raven's eyes dropped back down to see Clarke's tongue and had to hold back a whimper.

"Yeah, I need to go too." Clarke couldn't move either, her eyes trained on the girl.

Raven was doing all she could to refrain from pushing Clarke against the wall and kissing her senseless. The light puffs of her breath that hit her own lips was starting to break her down causing her to slowly move in.

Clarke saw the movement and met her halfway, her lips meeting the ones she had coveted since she first laid eyes on them on the ground. The soft skin felt right against her own.

Raven pulled back just far enough to look into blue eyes. "You make this so damn hard." She said in a strained voice. She pressed back in harder, mouth parted and tongue slipping out to trace her bottom lip. The energy she was using to hold herself back had her trembling.

Clarke's hands pulled the girl's hips closer, moaning as her lips parted and allowed the tongue in. Everything about this felt so _right_ to her.

"Clarke-" Raven ran the fingers of both hands into the blonde locks, lightly gripping and gently tugging. She tilted her head to deepen the kiss but still groaned out a few words in between. "Boundaries…I need boundaries..."

Clarke pulled away for a moment. "Okay.”

"Not as in stop…" Raven leaned back into her capturing her lips to resume kissing. A large part of her mind was clouding over and she was losing her restraint.

Clarke let herself lean into the kiss quickly before pulling away. "Raven, please...As much as we want this, we really need to talk about all this." She didn't want to pull away but she knew if they continued it would end exactly as they thought.

Raven moved forward chasing the girl's lips with her own. She walked them back until Clarke's backside bumped into the rear of the couch. She lowered her hands and was now gripping her sides. "Fine talk. Give me boundaries. What can I do? What can't I touch?" Raven panted out as she turned her attention to her neck, kissing and nipping the flesh.

"Fuck, Raven...you can touch whatever you want. God, just don't stop what you’re doing." Clarke's head rolled to the side, allowing more room for the girl to get at the skin.

Raven had seen the smattering of new marks across Clarke's neck and didn't care. She attached her mouth to a spot bellow her left ear that she knew to be sensitive, leaving behind a small mark of her own. She moved up to take her earlobe between her lips, licking along the shell of it. "I _want_ you Clarke..."

"I want you too..." Clarke could feel the mark but didn't care. She wanted her mouth everywhere but knew she shouldn't now.

Raven dropped her forehead to the girl's shoulder with a groan. She let her hands run up and down Clarke's back, tracing from the top of her spine to just above the curve of her backside.

"Raven...we really shouldn't right now..." Clarke bit her lip, her hands also roaming the brunette's body.

"I know..." Raven's kept her fingers moving along her back, massaging spots here and there over her shirt. Her breathing was still heavy but she tried to steady it and the aching flowing through her body.

"We should stop..." Clarke's hands found their way over the curve of Raven's ass, squeezing slightly. She couldn't even think of how long she had imagined doing that.

Raven gasped lightly with Clarke's touch. She gripped at her shirt again trying to ignore the spike or arousal that shot down to her core. Licking a path from where the neck and shoulder meet back up to her ear, Raven hovered there breathing heavy and hot. "Do that again…"

"What, this?" Clarke squeezed her ass again, a smirk playing over her face.

Raven whimpered, feeling like literal putty in Clarke's hands. Her hips jolted forward pushing her harder against the back of the couch. "How am I supposed to stop when I'm aching like this?"

"It's called self-control. And I know you have quite a bit of it. Next time I'll make sure to take care of that ache, alright?"

Raven brought her hands around to the front of Clarke's body. She let her fingers circle the outline of her nipples hard enough to make them start to pebble. After a quick bite to her earlobe, Raven forced herself to take a step back putting a little distance between them. "Hmm, self-control…"

"Yes, it's a wonderful thing." Clarke couldn't deny that her breathing had increased dramatically but she couldn't let this go too fast right now.

A pang of guilt started to rise up inside of Raven. For a minute she forgot the details of the situation and had the urge to bolt from the room. Taking a few breaths to calm both her body and nerves, Raven stepped back putting a little more space between them. "What happens now? You go to Anya and I go back up to Lexa? We possibly see each other tomorrow?"

"We do everything the same way we're used to with only one exception. We can spend time with each other like this when we want to." Clarke swallowed, clearing her throat. "So either I'll come to you or you come to me."

"Nothing is the same, Clarke. This-" Raven gestured between them. "It changes everything. Just the fact that I get to touch you and not feel guilty and I get to tell you that I love you and have that be okay…Everything has changed."

"Yeah...But everything else is the same."

Raven surged forward kissing the girl with everything she had. It wasn't about wanting to see how far they could go or sex or anything else like that. It was about how everything did change. It was about not having to resist or hold back or _hide_ anymore.

Clarke's arms immediately wrapped around her waist, pulling the girl closer into the kiss. After a minute or so, she pulled away, pressing her forehead to the brunettes.

Swallowing a few times and breathing hard, Raven let out a bubble of half laughter half sob. "Are you still gonna tell me this feels the same as it did in Arkadia? Not just the kiss…Everything Clarke..."

"It doesn't feel the same. It feels _better_. Especially since I can now say everything out loud. Like the fact that I love you." Clarke moved to press her face against the girl's neck, breathing in the scent she had wanted against her for so long.

The mix of emotions that Raven was feeling had her shaking. Hearing Clarke say that she loves her was everything she had hoped it to be and then some.

Clarke gently pulled back, looking the brunette in the eye. "Everything's gonna get better now, okay? You can come by anytime you want."

Raven snorted at the blonde’s words. "Why don't you hold off on saying anything like that yet."

"Alright fine, I'll wait." Clarke smiled, looking at the brunette. "Are we done here? For now at least."

"Yeah I'm done. I'm clearly not gonna get laid."

Clarke smirked. "Maybe next time if you behave." She winked as she stood up from where she was leaning against the back of the couch. "You do know I love you right?"

"I don't think you would love me if I suddenly started to behave." Raven took a small step back, a hint of pain shooting down her leg.

"I'd love you no matter what. Since I first laid eyes on you I definitely felt something for you. Took me a while to figure out it was love."

Raven pecked the girl's lips before taking steps towards the door. "You were too busy being stubborn to admit it."

"Yeah, I guess so." Clarke followed her out, shutting the door behind them.

Scooping up her hand, Raven entwined their fingers together pulling her down the hall to the elevator. She glanced over at the girl a few times with a smile that lit her face up. "So... Tomorrow?"

"Of course. Let me know when you want to meet up. Maybe then I can finally help you out there." Clarke winked and pecked the girl's cheek again, the smile on her face brighter than it had been in a long time.

“I'll most likely be down in my workshop…" Raven leaned in for one more kiss. She let her lips slide over Clarke's, tongue barely peeking out to trace hers. She pulled back with a hopeful look in her eyes. "Whenever you have time…okay?"

"Of course. I'll come find you then."


	60. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extreme amounts of sin and smut! Not that it should come as a surprise but this chapter is filled with it. You're welcome. - FindingSide

Raven climbed back up the stairs to the top floor of the tower and down the hall to Lexa's room. Smiling and still lost in her own thoughts of Clarke, Raven swung the door open and walked in. For a minute or so she stood there eyes a little unfocused until she shook herself back to where she was.

Lexa had been back in the bathroom washing off the rest of the dirt and paint from sparring with the Nightbloods earlier when she heard the door open. She walked out to see Raven lost in thought, slowly making her way up to the girl. "I'm guessing everything went well?"

"Yeah..." Raven gave a few quick nods of her head. Unsure of what to really say or do she just stood there watching the brunette.

Lexa hated to admit it, but Raven seemed so much happier since coming back into the room. She could feel the jealousy bubble up inside her. "You talked with Clarke?"

A look of confusion crossed Raven's face making her worry at her top lip. "Didn't- yeah? Isn't that…" Raven took a small step back trying to get a better read on the girl.

"I was just asking if you managed to talk with her." Lexa knew that _talking_ wasn't the only thing they did. She didn't know exactly what they had done but she assumed the worst. Just because she agreed to this new aspect in their relationship didn't mean she wouldn't get jealous.

"If I manag-" Raven stopped mid word when she understood exactly what Lexa meant. "We didn't… Uhm… Is that something you want us to... Tell me _how_ you want this to work?"

"What you do with her is none of my business. I agreed to try this, but it doesn't mean I have to like it." Lexa took another step toward the girl, stepping into her space and standing close enough that she could lean in and whisper in her ear. "Just remember that she can't give you what I can."

Raven's head jerked to the side, Lexa's words catching her off guard. "This was _your_ idea in the first place and it's not a competition.."

"Who says it isn't? You get to have your fun, so let me have mine, hm? Or do you not like when Heda gets to have fun?" Lexa stepped forward again, almsot touching the girl.

Raven felt a shiver run down her spine at the idea of Lexa letting the Commander side take over. All her thoughts of anything but what was happening in that very second faded away. "I definitely like it when that side of you comes out."

"Good. Because that is something _she_ can never give you, just remember that." Lexa growled as she leaned in and hungrily captured the girls lips, her hands gripping at her hips.

Raven's hands went up to cup the girl's face, fingers splayed out into her hair. She bit down on Lexa's lower lip then opened her own mouth wanting to taste her.

Lexa immediately slid her tongue into the girl's open mouth, exploring what she could of it. Her arms wrapped around the girl's waist and picked her up just enough to carry her over towards the bed, pushing her down onto it.

Raven laid back on her elbows, legs hanging off the side of the bed. Her breathing increasing with the anticipation of what Lexa would do. What _Heda_ would do.

Slowly, Lexa crouched down and pulled off Raven's shoes, followed by the leg brace. Each move was careful and calculated, so the entire motion was smooth up until she climbed on top of the girl.

Raven groaned at the feeling of her leg being freed from the brace. Her attention quickly shifted to the green eyes slowly moving up her body. She squeezed her thighs together trying to get some relief from the ache that started to make her squirm.

"Seems like you have a problem. I think there's only one person who can fix that." Lexa's head dipped down and attached her lips to the girl's neck, sucking and nipping at the skin. One of her hands toyed with the hem of the brunette's shirt, her fingertips sliding underneath.

Raven rolled her head to the side giving the girl more access to her neck. "Lex…I'm not in the mood to be teased. Yes, you're the only one here who can fuck me…so get to it."

"Are you telling Heda what to do?" Lexa sat up, straddling the girl's hips. "We go at my pace, got it?"

Raven leaned up into a sitting position to keep herself almost face to face with the brunette. As much as she loved when Lexa let this side out when they had sex she wasn't going to just let Lexa have her way. "Maybe I am."

"If you keep questioning me I'm going to have to do something about it." Lexa's eyes glanced up to the ropes still knotted around the headboard, then back into the brown eyes below her.

Raven flicked her eyes down to the plump lips as she spoke missing the place where her eyes landed. She moved closer placing a few wet kisses to her neck. "Isn't that what you're doing now?"

"That's what _you_ think I'm doing." Lexa gripped the bottom of the girl's shirt and yanked it up over her head, pressing her lips to every inch of bare skin underneath that she could.

Raven dropped her hands back down after her shirt was removed. She took hold of Lexa's shirt pulling it up inch by inch, the girl's lips on her skin distracting her. "Keep doing that."

Lexa lifted off long enough to remove her own shirt before returning her own lips to the girl's skin. Her hands grabbed the brunettes and held them above her head.

Raven relented enough feeling the way Lexa her gripped her wrists. She left her hands above her head and groaned at the steadily growing excitement building up inside her body. Her hips started up a slow grind again needing some sort of relief.

As her mouth continued to nip and suck its way down her chest, Lexa quickly reached behind the girl's back and unclasped her bra, tugging the garment off her chest before latching her mouth onto a nipple and sucking hard.

Leaving one hand up above her head, Raven dropped the other to the back of Lexa's. She laced her fingers through her hair wanting to hold her in place as her back arched up. " _Fuck_ that feels good..."

With one last pull from her teeth, Lexa popped off of it and carefully remove the girl's hand from her hair, pinning it above her head. She crawled up so her face was hovering right above Raven's.

"Sorry…" She breathed out. "You know I really like when you do that."

"I know you do, but again, you need to control your hands or I'll have to tie them down." Lexa gave her lips a quick peck before returning her mouth to the other nipple.

Raven entwined her own hands together and placed them under her head. The thought of being tied up didn't bother her, it actually turned her on that much more but she was not going to give in that easily. Her breath hitched again from the attention to her chest almost making her hands move back to the girl's head.

While her tongue worked itself over the hardened peak, Lexa's hands went to work unzipping the girl's pants and sliding her hand down the front, teasing her folds over her underwear.

Raven's hands twitched and itched but she managed to grip her own hair and keep them in place. She bit down on her lower lip to suppress the moan that was now more of a whine in the back of her throat.

Lexa smirked around the nipple as she pulled off, her finger gently stroking over the clothing. "Feels good? Do you want more?”

"Lex..." Raven gritted out around another groan. The sensations racing throughout her body from barely there touches were starting to make her hips rock harder.

"Yes, _ai_ _hodnes_?" Lexa's fingers continued their movements, her other hand now playing with one of the stiffened peaks while she watched Raven writhe under her.

Raven knew she had been a little wet before Lexa had touched her but now she felt just how drenched her shorts were. Wanting them off her body, she forgot about keeping her hands where they were and dropped them down and hooked her thumbs in the waistband so she could push them down. "Stop teasing me and take these off!"

Lexa cocked an eyebrow but complied, pulling them off. She slid up the girl's body and straddled her waist, grabbing her wrists and pinning them above her head again.

"I'm really not in the mood to be teased Lex." Raven popped her hips up as hard as she could to punctuate her words. "So whatever it is you want me to say or do just tell me so I can do it."

"I already told you. Your hands stay up here. It looks like you can't follow directions, so I'm gonna have to tie them down instead."

Raven was stuck halfway between being achingly turned on and agitated from barely being touched. She needed Lexa touching her and at that point she didn't care how. Soft or hard, slow or fast…hands or tongue or strap on, she didn't care as long as happened sooner rather than later. "Then _stop_ teasing me and get to fucking me Commander."

Lexa pinned both wrists under one hand as she reached for the ropes. "First we have to take care of this issue."

For a split second Raven thought about pulling her hands away, making Lexa work harder for it but she knew the girl would probably just go slower. She let out a long heavy breath letting herself be restrained, her attention quickly going back to the throbbing between her legs.

Once both wrists were tied, Lexa ran her hands down the girl's arms, all the way to her chest and then tweaked both nipples. "If you can be good for a bit longer I'll let you cum, alright?"

"Be good-" Raven tugged hard on the rope causing it to bite into her skin making her hiss. Feeling the attention to her nipples brought her back to the throbbing between her legs and pulled a whimper from her lips.

Lexa smirked as she slid down the girl's body again, her mouth pressing soft kisses against her skin as her hand finally slipped down inside her underwear, one finger running through the folds.

"More Lex…please..." Raven's head dropped back onto the bed with her eyes fluttering closed. She has been wound up so tight that the slightest touch had her shaking and in the verge of begging.

Another swipe of her finger was accompanied by Lexa's tongue tracing a line right over the waistband of her panties.

Raven tugged at the ropes again with the need to push Lexa's head lower. She squeezed her legs together then opened them as wide as she could. The thump thumping in her core was almost too much for her to handle. "Just _fuck_ _me_ already Lexa!"

"Patience, _ai_ _hodnes_. I'm going to make this feel good." Lexa finally brought both hands to the waistband, ridding her of the final garment before swiping her tongue up through the folds.

Raven's jaw went slack and her body felt like it was on fire. In the back of her mind she knew Lexa probably wouldn't let her cum yet but she had been so close already that she hope she would.

Lexa trailed another slow lick through the folds before sitting back up. "Roll over."

Raven sunk back into the bed with a loud huff and groan. She just laid there for at first trying to figure out how to roll over with her hands tied. "I really hope you know I won't forget about this anytime soon." She glared up at the girl and grunted out while twisting and rolling over onto her stomach.

"That's fine. You won't remember much later tonight." Lexa stood from the bed and reached underneath the bed, pulling out the harness.

"You could fuck me unconscious and I'd still remember this." Looking back over her shoulder as best she could, Raven felt a sense of relief when she saw what Lexa had been doing. She had been aching so badly that she didn't care which dildo she used, big or small, as long as she got to cum. Another shiver ran down her spine from just _thinking_ about it.

"How sore are you from the other day?" Lexa secured the straps and climbed back on the bed, sitting on the back of the girl's thighs.

"I'm not- oh… _that_." Raven dropped her face down onto the bed, angling a little to the side so her words weren't too muffled. The pounding in her core at what Lexa asked made her squirm beneath the weight. "I'm not sore anymore. But if that's your plan…you need lube."

"Maybe I will after. For now let me help with your predicament."

"Are you going to actually do something or make me suffer like this some more?" Raven couldn't decide if this was turning her in more of pissing her off. Either way she wasn't above begging, or doing close to anything Lexa wanted if it meant she got to cum.

"Nice and slow." Lexa slid forward and lined the harness up, slipping only the head in between the folds.

Raven pushed back as much as she could, which wasn't a lot considering the way Lexa had been positioned on top of her. Feeling the tip so close to entering her, she had already started to pant with renewed anticipation. " _Please_ , I need to feel you inside me..."

In one long stroke Lexa had sheathed the dildo inside of her. "Better?"

Raven let out a long groan that turned into a whimper once she was finally filled. She turned her head propping it up on her upper arm as best she could. "So much better." She panted out a little harder than before.

Lexa started out slow, but each thrust back in was harder than the last. She wanted Raven to feel every one and remember it later.

Raven felt herself starting to clench around Lexa's dick already. She had been so worked up for so long that every thrust pushed her closer to the edge. She dropped her head back down onto the bed and let out a steady stream of moans and pleas to 'keep going' and 'harder'.

Lexa ran her hands over the girl's back, feeling all the muscles start tensing. "Are you going to cum for Heda? Hm?"

Tugging hard on the ropes more to have something to grip than to want her hands freed, Raven began to tense up the way she always did right before falling over the edge. She heard Lexa's question but could barely comprehend words let alone speak them clearly. "Fu-mhmm…yes-"

"Then cum for me Raven." Lexa sped up just enough to push the girl over the edge.

Raven's body went rigid, all her muscles pulling tight just as she fell over the edge with Lexa's name spilling from her mouth like a prayer. She pressed her forehead onto the bed bellow and rocked back as much as she could wanting the feeling to keep going.

Lexa continued to thrust through the orgasm. "Want more _ai_ _hodnes_? I can give you more or we can change things up again."

Raven tried to answer but only ended up grunting and nodding at first. She managed to lift her head and get a few words out. "Fuck Lex… _both_."

"Both? I can only do one at a time...let's get one more then, alright?" Lexa ran her hand over the curve of Raven's ass as she continued to thrust into her.

"Then fuck me harder!" Raven gritted out. The ache in her clit had her shaking but the way Lexa kept hitting that sweet spot had her just on the edge of a second orgasm.

"As you wish." Lexa angled her hips even farther downward and thrust with her weight behind her, every thrust aiming for that spot.

Raven felt like all the air had been pushed from her lungs when she came again. Her juices dripped down her thighs and onto the bed, her eyes squeezed shut and her clit pounded harder with every thrust. "That- that feels..." She had tried to talk but ended up biting into her own arm to stop herself from screaming.

"Now don't stop it, I want to hear you scream for me. Scream and cum." Lexa managed to get her hand down under Raven and between her legs in order to rub her clit while she ground down on her.

Raven thought she was going to explode the second Lexa's fingers came into contact with her clit. It felt like her orgasm would never stop, making her scream out the girl's name and rock harder between the dildo and her fingers.

Lexa continued to thrust through the second orgasm, slowing down near the end of it until she pulled out entirely.

Raven whimpered at the feeling of being empty even though she needed a chance to catch her breath. Her body melted down into the bed as she gasped and sucked in as much oxygen as she could.

"Ready for part two now? Get into a comfortable position, I'll be right back." Lexa stood up off the bed and went into the bathroom, grabbing the oils and returning.

Raven's orgasm fogged brain was still nowhere near ready to understand what had been said. She was still laying in the same position, her body slowly starting to come down from the high and a little fatigued. "There's not a lot of comfortable positions I can move into...not after _that_."

"Would you rather stay on your stomach or up on your knees?"

Raven scooted up the bed as best she could, moving up onto her knees and resting on her elbows. She glanced back with a grin, happy that her face wasn't pressed down into the bed. The sight of Lexa kneeling back behind her caused her to ache all over again as if she hadn't already cum twice. "Fuck... I don't think I'll ever get enough of the way you look like that."

"I will do this as long as you want me to do it." Lexa poured some oil on her hand and spread it on the dildo, then slid one finger inside her gently.

Raven leaned forward with a low hiss. Looking back over her shoulder again, she took a breath to ease her nerves. "Not too fast okay? When you get to it…"

"Of course. Slow until you tell me otherwise." Lexa slid the one finger in and out a few times before pulling it out completely.

Raven faced forward and clamped her eyes shut, a little anxious of what was going to happen. She loved the feeling of Lexa fucking her ass but the anticipation had her biting down hard on her lower lip.

"Ready? Nice and slow." Lexa lined up the tip of the dildo, her hand helping to guide the tip in until the whole head was inside her.

" _Shit_ …" Raven groaned out from the feeling of being stretched. The memory of the last time they did this and how Lexa couldn't get it in made her snort and lean back causing her to slide down on the dildo faster than she was ready for. "Hold on- give me…okay okay continue."

"Thought of something funny? Was it me missing last time?" Lexa laughed as she slowly slid in the rest of the way until the harness was resting against her skin.

Raven let out another snort and bark of laughter from what Lexa had said and her laugh. "You actually whined when you couldn't get it in!" Raven stopped laughing and gripped the rope, tugging at it when she felt Lexa bottoming out inside her.

"Hey, it's not easy. And _fuck_ I just wanted to see me all the way in you like right now. It's such a sight." Lexa rubbed her back soothingly, waiting until she adjusted to the girth.

"Untie my hands. Please." Raven nodded once she had relaxed enough. "Untie me, please?"

"I guess I could." Lexa carefully leaned over and untied the knots around her wrists.

After letting out a long sigh and rubbing at her wrists, Raven rocked back as hard as she could with Lexa leaned over her. "When do I get to do this to you?"

Lexa wasn't sure if she audibly gulped, but took a second to compose herself. "Uh..."

Raven reached back with one hand to grip the girl's hip urging her to pick up the pace. "When are you going to let me slowly slide my finger into you like this?" Raven dropped her head to the bed and moaned from the sensation of having her ass filled and the thought of doing the same to the Commander.

"I'm not sure..." Lexa focused on the pace and not the questions Raven posed. She hoped she could get up to speed to keep Raven quiet.

Raven relaxed the last little bit and trying to keep up with the pace Lexa had been moving at. Through gritting teeth and heavy breathing she managed to keep talking. "Then you should really get as much as you can out of this… _fuck_ because it won't happen again until- _holy_ _fuck_ until you let me…"

"Shh, talk later." Lexa gently smacked her ass, hoping to avoid the conversation for now. She slid her hand underneath and began rubbing at the girl's clit, hoping to really shut her up.

"You can do that again…" The smack had her eyes rolling back into her head. The attention to her clit had her racing to the edge and shaking with the familiar burn in the pit of her stomach. Raven made the same mistake as the last time and pushed back a little too hard making her pop too far forward, the dick slipping out. " _Fuck_!"

"Excited? Apparently I'm not going fast enough for you." Lexa smacked her again before guiding the head in and slowly easing back down until she was fully sheathed inside her.

Raven gripped the furs until she was able to relax again and push back into the girl's front. "Harder _not_ faster Lex. I want you to know what you'll be missing after this is over." Raven dropped her face into the bed again and bit down on the furs.

"Alright, you want harder..." Lexa picked her pace back up, a similar speed but much harder thrusts while her hand continued to rub the girl's clit.

It had only taken a few more punishing thrusts before Raven started to cry out around her mouthful of fur. She had tried to hold back but couldn't stop the flow of juices that rushed out coating Lexa's hand and ran down her own thighs as she came harder than the two previous times that night.

Lexa helped her to milk out the orgasm before slowly pulling out, lying next to the girl.

Raven had just enough energy to roll onto her side facing the brunette. There were a few tears in her eyes from the intensity of her orgasm and how hard she crashed over the edge. She just laid there looking at the girl and taking in steadying breaths.

"Feeling good now? Thoroughly fucked by Heda?" Lexa chuckled, looking at the girl and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Feeling thoroughly fucked? Yes." Raven rolled onto her back then continued moving so she was on her other side facing away from Lexa. As the euphoric feelings started to fade away she was forced to feel everything she had been trying to avoid since she had come back up into the room after seeing Clarke.

Lexa glanced over at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah…just really worn out." Raven rolled once more so she was laid out on her belly and further away from Lexa.

Lexa chewed at her lip before turning onto her side to get closer to Raven. "Even if it's about her you can talk to me."

"We both know you don't want that…" Raven shifted around so she was laid out underneath the furs but still facing away from her.

"I want you to be happy, and if that means talking everything out I'll accept that. Now tell me what's wrong?" Lexa scooted closer, wrapping an arm around the girl's waist.

"You do know I can tell the difference in the way you fuck me right?"

"Hm? What do you mean?”

"This was your idea. Your plan. You and Anya… If you weren't okay with it-" Raven sat up, her legs swinging over the side of the bed and feet hitting the floor. "You shouldn't have brought it up."

"Raven, I didn't say I wasn't okay with it." Lexa sat up behind her, a hand on the girl's shoulder. "I want you to be happy. It may take a while for me to accept it but I'll do my best."

"You didn't have to _say_ it Lexa. I _felt_ it."

"Please, _ai_ _hodnes_. I will admit, the idea of 'sharing' you is not favorable, but it makes you happy. All I want is for you to be happy."

"I feel anything _but_ happy right now." Raven stood and turned. There were so many emotions coursing through her and she couldn't figure out how to express any.

"Just talk to me, please." Lexa sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at the girl.

"I'm not an object that you compete for and try to win... I don't want to be that. Not with you or her or anyone. "

"Of course not. You're you. I don't want to make you into something either of us owns."

"But you just did."

"I told you, it will take some time to get used to all this without resorting to a competition. I'm sorry if I did do that."

Raven walked around to the other side of the bed picking up her shorts and bra and putting them back on. "And what if you don't? Get used to all this? What happens then?"

"I told you I'm trying my best, but if all this leads to is us arguing every time we're in the same room then I won't be able to do this."

"I'm sorry that this is happening but I'm not sorry that I love her." Raven stepped into her pants and slipped her shirt over her head. "I'm pretty okay with everything you want to do in bed or sexually but you were more interested is proving what you can do and what you think she can't."

"Then I'll work on it. I told you, this is going to be hard for me at first."

After stepping into her boots Raven picked up her brace but didn't put it on. "I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you but maybe… Maybe the next time you don't make me feel like your own personal whore." Raven clamped her mouth shut and looked away knowing what she had said was unfair.

Lexa opened her mouth to speak but didn't say anything. She closed her mouth and looked away.

Raven walked back around the bed, moved Lexa's legs apart and stepped between them. She hooked a finger under her chin to get her to look up.

Lexa glanced up, wanting to just look away and end this conversation.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said that." Raven reached up tucking a few strands of brown hair behind Lexa's ear, leaving her fingers rubbing lightly at her scalp. "You're my priority. You. Us. _This_."

"That's all I want. For _us_ to not change. Whatever you do with Clarke is up to you. But us...please don't let us change..."

Raven leaned down pressing their lips together. It wasn't soft but it wasn't hard or rough either. It was insistent and filled with her want for the Commander and the words she was trying to express.

Lexa leaned up into the kiss, her hand cupping Raven's cheek. She pulled away only slightly, pressing their foreheads together and nodding slightly.

"I love you for wanting to make _me_ happy… But what I really need is for _us_ to be happy." Raven pressed herself further between Lexa's legs, wanting to be as close as she could get.

"Then make sure we don't change at all...we were happy, let's stay happy."

"Then tell me how you want this to be? Do you want me to tell you when I go see her or plan to see her?"

"No, just talk to me if something is bothering you."

"Are you gonna hold your dagger to her neck again?"

"No. I promise I won't." Lexa chuckled.

"Good. Now let's talk about you avoiding answering my questions…" Raven looked down into green eyes, a hopeful look flashing in her own.

"Wha- _oh_...well, I guess. I mean slow, but..." Lexa could feel her face grower redder with every word.

"How about we try now?" Raven ran her fingertips down the girl's cheeks to her flushed neck.

"Well uh...I guess...maybe. Slow though, please." Lexa gulped again, nervous.

Raven pushed the girl so she was laid out on her back. She toed her boots off then leaned over her, resting one hand on the bed by her waist. "Are you sure?"

"Slow...a-and as gentle as you can, alright?"

"So you're going to let me reach over and grab that bottle of oil and pour some of it into my hand-" Raven knelt on the floor between the girl's legs, lifting one up and over her shoulder. "-you think you can handle that Lex? Feeling me rub the oil between cheeks and sliding a finger into your tight and untouched ass?"

"Like I said, slowly. Please." Lexa bit her lip, looking down at the girl.

Raven stared straight up into the green eyes looking down at her. She licked her lips and took a long slow breath in, loving everything about the girl's scent. Still holding her eyes, Raven stuck her tongue out and licked a slow path from Lexa's entrance up to her clit then pulled back with a wry smile.

"Can you do that instead for right now? You've already had three tonight and I haven't had any." Lexa reached down to grab the base of Raven's ponytail, pushing her in closer.

"You mean-" Raven took another long slow swipe through her folds, gathering as much of her juices as she could. "-like that?"

"Yes, just like that..." Lexa's head was already rolling back into the furs. She hasn't realized exactly how horny she had gotten while fucking Raven.

Raven dipped back down and licked the same path again. She did it over and over going just as slow if not slower every time. Bringing her hand up to the back of Lexa's thigh, Raven lightly dragged her fingers up and down going lower after every couple passes.

Lexa bit her lip, her hand tangling in Raven's hair as she let out a soft moan.

Raven dipped her tongue deep into her girl's entrance then pulled out. She licked the path back up to her clit, wrapping her lips around it and sucking lightly.

A soft whimper came from her throat as Lexa could feel the build-up inside her.

Raven released the stiff bud with a soft pop. Moving down she slid her tongue through the folds and into the wet heat and swirling around. She brought her other hand up, rubbing light circles over her clit.

"Please...I'm so close Raven..." Lexa's back arched up off the bed as she felt the waves begin to crash into her.

"How close?" She pulled away only far enough to ask them plunged her tongue back in as far as she could, licking along the front wall as best she could. She increases the speed of her fingers rubbing the hardened nub, circling it and grazing it with the blunt edge on her thumbnail.

"Shit!" Lexa felt the wave crash into her quickly, her back arching off the bed as far as she could.

Raven kept her fingers working over the girl's clit trying to keep her climax going. She pulled her tongue from her heated and dripping core, letting it flick out over the tight ring of muscle just below.

"Rav-" Lexa couldn't finish the name as a second orgasm crashed into her faster than the first.

Raven licked back up to the brunette's core then back down, pushing the tip of her tongue into the tight opening. She kept her fingers moving at a punishing pace over her clit still trying to keep her waves rolling. She pulled her mouth away put replaced her tongue with a slow moving tip of her finger. "Is this okay?"

"God yes just keep going..." Lexa couldn't tell when two rolled into three...or maybe four. She wasn't sure.

Raven slowly slid her finger knuckle deep into the girl's puckered and tight hole and stilled. Pulling her hand from her clit, Raven carefully moved up off of her knees, knelt onto the bed and leaned up and over so she was face to face with the girl. "Are you sure?"

"Yes..." Lexa brought her hand up and pulled Raven's head down, locking their lips in a heated kiss.

After pushing her tongue into Lexa's mouth, Raven pulled her finger almost all the way out then pushed it back in a little faster. She kept doing it, pulling out and pushing back in until she felt her start to relax.

Lexa managed to pull away with a small moan. "God that feels good..."

"Can you handle-" Raven traced the girl's lips, nipping at them as she pulled away to finish her thought. "I have a smaller…It'll fit the harness..."

"Yeah...maybe try that..." Lexa nodded, her hand tracing along Raven's back.

"Okay...take a deep breath." Raven leaned down to suck at her neck while sliding her finger completely out. She bit and sucked a mark that was already deep purple as she pulled away, moving to her feet. "Move to the middle of the bed and stay in your back."

Lexa moved back on the bed and leaned up on her elbows to watch Raven prepare everything. Her own teeth were worrying at her bottom lip as the girl moved around the room.

Raven had all of her clothing peeled from her body in a matter of seconds tossing it all over the room. She was digging in her box of things and found the smallest dildo she had then picked up a harness and attached the pair. Moving back over to the bed, Raven stepped into the harness and tightened it. She crawled onto the bed and up the girl's body, kissing and licking from her toes to her lips but spending a few minutes lavishing attention to her nipples first.

Lexa couldn't help but whimper at the attention her nipples were getting. Every touch of Raven's skin to her own felt like mini explosions in her body, the heat alone causing her to grow wet again.

Raven sat back on her heels and pulled both of Lexa's legs up and over her shoulder. She scooted forward as much as she could do the tip ran through her folds collecting some of juices spilling from her. "Are you ready for this, Commander?"

"Slowly, please." Lexa nodded, looking down at the girl between her legs.

Raven took the bottle of oil and poured a little into her hand. She rubbed it along the dildo, stroking it with a smirk. Next she rubbed into her, dipping her finger in and out a few times.

"Remember, slow." Lexa watched her carefully, biting her lip.

"Of course. Tell me if you need me to stop." Raven grabbed hold of the dildo and lined it up with her entrance. She slowly pushed forward until the small tip slid into her then stopped to let her adjust.

"Fuck..." Lexa's head rolled back onto the bed. The feeling of being stretched was almost painful, but she was so relaxed from before that it wasn't unbearable. "Alright...slow..."

Raven let the girl's legs slide down so they rested high up on her thighs as she pushed in slow and steady. Once she felt like she was all the way inside she stopped for a beat them pulled back out to the tip and repeated the same thing a few times.

Lexa hissed at the feeling of being stretched out that much, but after a few passes she moaned at the slight thrusting.

Raven leaned forward off of her heels and kissed all over Lexa's neck. She nipped and sucked an earlobe into her mouth, then continued over her jawline to her lips. She had begun to rock her hips pumping in and out of the girl, a little faster and harder every few thrusts.

"Fuck...don't stop Raven..." Lexa's head was rolled back all the way, stretching her neck out for the girl as each thrust sent her closer to the edge.

"Does the _Commander_ like having her ass fucked?" Raven picked up her pace until she was slamming into the girl. She attached her lips to her neck growling and biting everywhere she could.

"God yes...please..." Lexa could feel the wave rapidly approaching as she felt every thrust slam into her. The pain had disappeared long ago but she knew she'd feel it later.

Raven came to a near stop she was moving to slowly. She lifted enough to snake her hand down between them and started to rub hard fast circles around her clit. She brought her lips back down to the girl's ear, licking the shell and breathing heavily. "Cum for me _Commander_."

With those words, Lexa fell over the edge, crying out Raven's name again and again.

Raven slowed to a stop but stayed inside. She moved her fingers down and slid three fingers into her core. She found the sweet spot and curled her fingers with every pass as she moved in and out of her. "Keep going, Lex. I want to feel you clenching and pulling me deeper."

"Shit Raven...it's so sensitive now..." Lexa was whimpering at each thrust even though she could feel the buildup coming quickly.

"One more for me, Lex. I'm not pulling out until you give me one more." She snapped her hips burying the dildo as deep as she could into her ass and pressed the front wall in her drenched heat.

Lexa didn't know how, but she managed to cum for a fifth time. Her back arched off the bed, causing the dildo to slip out of her but she could barely feel any of it. She felt as though she was flying but her body stayed behind on that bed.

Raven dropped down next to the girl breathing heavily. She loosened the straps and shimmied out of the harness tossing where the other one had landed from earlier in the night. She slipped one arm under Lexa's back and pulled her in tight, holding her close and placing soft kisses over her shoulder. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" She nuzzled her face into her neck and presses more kisses everywhere she could reach.

"Far from it..." Lexa cuddled in closer, coming down off the high. Her voice was hoarse from crying out and she already felt sore but _damn_ it felt good.

"I knew you'd like it, although I might have liked the look on your face more than I anticipated."

"Shh. Time to sleep instead. I can't move anything." Lexa curled in closer to the girl, pressing her nose against the skin.

Raven took a long and satisfying breath in as she held tighter to the girl. Of all the times they had been together sexually it was rare that they ended up this way, with Lexa in her arms, and it only made her hold tighter. "I love you, Lex."

Lexa was already falling asleep as she muttered out a 'love you too'. Her eyes closed as the night's activities caught up with her, but she was glad she was falling asleep in Raven's arms.


	61. Chapter 61

Anya had just begun to feel herself slipping back into consciousness, eyes still shut tight and a heavy warmth pressing flush against the length of her body. A low moan rumbled in the back of her throat as she nuzzled her face into Clarke's neck and blonde hair. She took in a few deep breaths letting the girl's scent bring her closer to being awake.

Clarke had ended up splayed out over the bed, Anya laying somewhere behind her. She had been too tired from the night before, so Anya's movements against her did nothing to wake her.

Anya pulled the girl in closer, wrapping her arms around the blonde’s upper body. She inhaled again wanting to keep the girl's smell imprinted on her senses for long as she could. After nosing away some hair from her neck, Anya dropped a few kisses leading up to her ear. "You might be more beautiful now than you were last night." She rasped out, voice still groggy from sleep.

A small groan emerged from Clarke's throat followed by a contented sigh. She leaned back against the warrior, letting the heat from her body draw her in closer.

"We really should be getting up." Anya pressed more kisses into the back of her neck letting her lips linger on the sensitive spot behind her ear.

"Do we have to?" Clarke's voice was low and groggy, still sore from crying out the warrior's name last night. She pressed herself back into her more, moaning at the feel of her lips behind her ear.

"I would rather stay here with you but you know we can't." Anya dipped her hand back under the furs, cupping one breast and enjoying the feel and weight of it.

"Shh...yes we can. We both know Lexa won't want to get up either." Clarke finally rolled onto her back, cracking open an eye to look at the warrior lying next to her.

"Hmm I doubt she'll be late…Maybe you two can try not antagonizing each other today?" Anya leaned in attaching her lips to Clarke's neck, nipping the soft flesh.

"I'll be on my best behavior then." Clarke chuckled with a small smile on her face. Her hand found its way to the back of her head, holding the warrior's head in place.

Kissing her way up to Clarke's lips, Anya held there for a minute wishing they could stay where they were for a little longer. "I'm serious, Clarke."

"I'm serious too. As long as she doesn't step out of line I'll be quiet." Clarke smiled and pecked her lips again, wanting that taste just one more time.

Rolling from her spot on the bed, Anya let her legs hang from the side of the bed while she got in one last stretch. " _She_ is allowed to step out of line anytime and about _anything_. You know that."

"Still. I want us to both be on the same page about this."

"Why do you insist on being like this with her?" Anya moved around her room gathering her clothes for the day. She stopped next to the girl to peck her lips and wait for some explanation as to why things had gotten to this point between them.

"We see things differently and we're both too stubborn to end this." Clarke shrugged, grabbing her clothes and pulling them on.

"Has it occurred to you that your behavior affects other people?" Anya wrapped the cloth around her upper body, securing it in place. She stepped into her shorts and pants then waited.

"I'm sorry that we can't come to terms. She doesn't want to talk with me."

Anya stepped into the girl's space wrapping her arms around her waist. She leaned in peppering light kisses to her lips, jawline and neck. Hovering over her ear, Anya hummed softly as she spoke. "The situation has changed. Try again…for me."

"Alright...I'll try. I can't guarantee anything though."

"That's all I'm asking for." Anya left one last soft kiss on Clarke's lips before pulling away and finishing getting dressed.

Clarke finished getting dressed and glanced over at the warrior. "Alright. I don't know when we'll have the time to sit down and talk but I'll do it."

"Maybe while removing her stitches? She's given you almost everything you've ever asked for. What would it hurt to try? I know it would make me happy and I am quite positive the same can be said about Raven." Anya slipped her arms into her fur lined shoulder armor, adjusting it until it sat comfortably.

"That sounds like it could work. I'll have to try that then." Clarke finished pulling on the last bit of armor she usually wore but waited for Anya to finish.

Anya glanced up as she buckled on the last piece. "We should go. We don't want to be late." She motioned to the door as the two left the room and walked to the elevator.

As it always was, Clarke and Anya were the first to arrive in the throne room. Clarke immediately went to her seat and waited as the doors open and Lexa stepped in. She seemed to shuffle her way to the throne and sat, very gingerly, with a noticeable wince.

Anya was stood at her spot near the throne when the Commander made her way into the room. She gave a quick nod of her head to the girl, greeting her as she stood before the Ambassadors. "Everything is well, Heda?"

"Yes, yes of course." Lexa shifted in her seat, trying to sit comfortably.

A flash of a smirk crossed the advisers face as she watched the younger warrior. Considering the events of the previous day she knew her night was probably a little more active if it was anything like her own. "This should be a short meeting. If you should need to stand..."

" _Shof op_..." Lexa practically growled under her breath, but whether it was from her Adviser's tone or the ache in the lower half of her body was not known. She finally found a position to sit in without the ache throbbing in her, leaning over the arm of the throne with a small sigh.

Anya stepped off to one side of the long table listening to some of the minor issues and smaller problems that needed to be dealt with. She caught Clarke's eyes as the last of the Ambassadors walked away, motioning for her to approach Lexa.

Clarke took in a deep breath and walked over, standing next to the Adviser. She leaned over, muttering so only Anya would hear. "Now?"

"Yes now Clarke. You know this has to happen." Anya helped herself to an eyeful of cleavage, letting her mind drift off to thoughts of having the blonde moaning beneath her last night.

"You owe me later. Start thinking of ways to pay me back." Clarke cleared her throat quickly and looked at the Adviser, just noticing where her eyes were occupied a second ago.

"Have I left you unsatisfied yet?" Anya glanced around the room checking to see that they were mostly alone. She pressed her lips to the corner of the blonde's lips, pulling back after a few seconds. "But I do look forward to seeing the look on your face right before you cum."

"Saying things like that then…just leaving me hanging and having to talk to Lexa. It better be spectacular." Clarke stood up straight with a soft laugh. Turning her attention to the Commander, she took the few steps to where she was standing and waited until she finished talking to one of her guards.

One the guard had finished and left with a quick bow, Lexa carefully stood up, looking over at Clarke. "Ambassador, is there something you need to speak about?"

"Yes. Your stitches." Clarke stood there silently for a moment as Anya's words replayed in her head. She let a soft sigh pass her lips then took a small step closer. "And maybe a few other things."

"Ah...alright. Shall we move somewhere more private?" Lexa motioned to the doors, waiting to see if Clarke moved.

"Wherever you feel comfortable but my bag is in my room so I'll have to go get it." Clarke let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding. She walked through the doors and waited, trying her best to tamp down the hints of trepidation that was coursing through her. "Or we can just both go there."

"That's fine. We'll head there." Lexa knew being in that room would bring up memories that she had kept buried for months. Just the thought caused an ache in her stomach.

"I can go get it and meet you up in your room. It's not a problem." Clarke tried her best to keep her face expressionless, not wanting to think about the possibility of seeing Raven there again.

"No, it will be easier to go to your room. Let us go, I have more to do today." Lexa limped to the staircase, heading to Clarke's room.

Clarke opened her mouth ready to shoot back sarcastic comment but thought better of it. She did, however, let a small smile form on her lips and raised an eyebrow at the older girl as she watched her limp down the stairs. "Aden get the better of you in training?"

"Yes, of course. He is getting much stronger now." Lexa cleared her throat as they approached Clarke's door.

"Apparently." A loud snort escaped Clarke's nose before she could suppress it. She regained her composure enough to open her door and step aside, waiting for Lexa to enter first.

Lexa walked in shaking her head and carefully sat up on the table, unbuckling her armor and coat before pulling that off.

Clarke busied herself with getting all the medical supplies she would need. She walked to the table setting everything out alongside the girl. She reached out to pull her shirt up but quickly let the material fall from her grip. "Can you lift your shirt? And lay all the way back."

Lexa carefully pulled the item up and over her head, laying back on the table. "You said you needed to speak about other things as well?"

Clarke ran the tips of her fingers over the bullet wound scar the same way she'd done since overseeing her healing. Every time she saw the mark there was a tiny part of her that went back to that moment, hearing the gunshots and the slick of black blood that seemed to coat everything in sight. Blinking herself from the memory, Clarke let her eyes fall in the green pair. A mix of emotions in her own. "Are you really gonna be okay with this?"

"With what?" Lexa gazed into the blue pair, awaiting some sort of clarification.

"Don't be obtuse." Clarke pulled her hand away only to pick up the scissors she had laid out. Her eyes remained focused on what she was doing, more so that she didn't have to see what she already knew. The next word fell from her lips with hardly any sound behind it. "Raven."

"Oh, _that_...I want her to be happy, and this helps. I said I'd give it a try." Lexa glanced over at the girl, then back to the bandage.

"This isn't a try and trial sort of thing Lexa. Not for her." Clarke glanced up finding the green eyes again.

"I know. She already explained that to me. And I'll tell you what I told her. It will take me a while to adjust to this, but I'll try my best to do so quickly." Lexa nodded, looking away from Clarke.

Clarke wiped away the last of the debris. Leaning down she took a closer look making sure everything looked good. Satisfied with what she saw she sat up and cleaned the area once more than say back. "If you can't or just don't want this.. Tell me. Let me be the one to- I'd just rather be the one that she blames. Okay?"

Lexa opened her mouth, but then shut it again soon afterwards. She knew the blonde's feelings for Raven ran deep, but to go as far as destroying everything that the two of them had for _her_ sake? "I could never ask that of you Clarke. You are her best friend first. I refuse to take that piece of your relationship away.”

"You aren't asking…I'm not saying I'm walking away. But- Raven…I know who she can't live without. So if you decide you don't want this…It'd just be better if I did it."

"I won't allow that. And I said I'll try my best to accept this. You know firsthand how hard I'll fight."

"You're missing the most important part of this. If it comes from me..." Clarke say back in her chair, a heavy breath spilling from her lips. "Only one of us will lose her. Maybe you don't fight me on this _one_ _thing_."

"Maybe it won't even come to this. Maybe we can work something out so it doesn't come to this..." Lexa stood and grabbed her shirt, gently pulling it back on.

"I hope it doesn't. I don't even _want_ to think about it." Clarke remained in the chair about but leaned forward to rest her arms in the table. "I think it would also be a good idea if we managed to act civil towards each other."

"That would be good as well. I know we've had our differences in the past, but now is the time to put that behind us." Lexa bent down to grab her coat and armor from where it had landed on the ground, wincing for a moment.

"Our differences?" Clarke laughed as she stood. "Do I want to know why you're limping and wincing?"

"Shut up..." Lexa playfully swatted at the girl as she buckled the last piece on. "Just as you have your stories with Raven, I have my own."

Clarke's brows pinched together for a few seconds while she debated with herself on how to respond. Deciding that she needed to relax more now with the new arrangement, she grinned again and nodded knowing that was probably the truest thing either of them could say. "Well hopefully I'll never again walk in and see you two…"

"I could say the same thing about you two now." Lexa chuckled. "I have to go attend to other things now. I assume you'll stop by and see Raven today?"

Clarke knew she was smiling just a little too big and a little too long but she couldn't help it. Again she found herself nodding until she found her voice. "Yeah.. I was planning on it."

"Alright...tell her that I will go find her later on." Lexa looked up at the blonde and saw the smile, her jaw clenching slightly. She extended her arm toward the girl, hoping that she would reciprocate as a silent agreement of their civility.

Clarke grasped the Commander's arm in return giving it a firm grip and shake. It was moments like this that reminded her of why she had cared about the girl. Even with everything that had happened between them she still cared and knew a part of her always would and it didn't feel like a bad thing anymore. "I'll tell her."

Lexa nodded before turning and exiting the room, a small sigh escaping her lips. That had gone much smoother than she expected.

~

Clarke made her way from the elevator, through the doors and exited the tower. She made quick stops here and there to talk with a few of the vendors and trade clean strips of cloth for various items. Satisfied with here trades, Clarke ambled the rest of the way to the small workshop, taking a moment to calm her nervousness. Opening the door and stepping in, her nerves calmed at the same time her pulse started to race.

Raven looked up from what she had been tinkering with on her bench, a smile spreading across her face the as soon as she saw her. She dropped what had been in her hands and walked over to the blonde, closing the door beside her with a gentle click. Stepping into the girl's space and moving her back into the wall, Raven pressed a soft yet demanding kiss into her lips then pulled back only to rest their foreheads together. "Hi…"

"Well hello to you too." Clarke gave off a small chuckle as she brought one hand up to cup the girl's cheek. She could admit her heart was still racing, but being here with Raven was making her feel slightly less nervous than before she entered the workshop.

Raven pressed her face into Clarke's hand, wanting the calm that went along with it to last as long as possible. "I've wanted to be able to do that _like_ that for so long. It was better than I ever imagined."

Clarke nodded, her tongue darting out quickly over her lips. "You can do that as many times as you like from now on. I won't complain."

Raven dipped down and recaptured Clarke's lips in a heated kiss. She nipped her bottom lip then ran her tongue along it asking for entrance. Her hands came up to grip at the girl's waist, the thumbs up both hands slipping up and under her shirt to get a feel of hot flesh.

As Clarke parted her lips, she carefully spun the two of them around to press Raven against the wall, the two bodies pressed close enough to become one. Clarke could have sworn her heart was beating fast enough to shoot straight out of her chest, but that didn't stop her from sliding her free hand up under the girl's shirt and over the taught skin of her stomach.

An audible gasp slipped out around the kisses at the feeling of Clarke's fingers running over her skin. Raven let her own hands slide further up under her shirt, pulling her in to space that wasn't even there. She licked into the girl's mouth trying to taste every bit of her and wanting to be tasted in the same way.

A small moan escaped from Clarke's lips as she returned the favor, her own tongue sliding into Raven's mouth. She could have moaned again at the taste, finally able to have it on her tongue.

Raven broke the kiss to draw in some much needed air. She raised her hands higher up on Clarke's sides, thumbs rubbing slow circles into the flesh of her ribs. "You won't hear me complaining about that any time soon."

"Mm, yes. Me either." Clarke smiled, pressing her forehead against the brunette's, her hands gripping at her waist and gently kneading the skin.

Raven pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth as she tried to steady her breathing. Even though she knew she was panting for more than just being kisses like she had been, Raven still tried to calm her body. The little jolts everywhere they were touching and the ache that was racing down to her core, the hints of fog creeping into her head. Just being near Clarke like this was wreaking havoc on her as a whole.

Clarke's mind was not much better. Between her thoughts of what she could do to Raven currently and her agreement with Lexa, she couldn't keep her thoughts straight. She could feel the ache and the wetness between her legs but wanted Raven to make the move when she was ready.

Raven felt like her hands had a mind of their own as they crept up inch by inch until the pads of her thumbs were grazing the underside of Clarke's breasts. She leaned back in attaching her lips to a spot just below her ear, sucking at the flesh with the intention of leaving behind her own mark. "I need to know the boundaries…You have to set them because I don't think I can."

"Boundaries...? I can't think..." Clarke's mind was far gone due to Raven's hands and mouth. Her mind was completely clouded over with want for the girl.

"One of us needs to make them and I'm asking you to because I know I can't." Raven nipped and licked at the flesh she just marked. Her nose traced the shell of the girl's ear, her breath coming out of soft puffs.

"I don't know..." Clarke was about ready to melt. The breath against her cheek and ear was threatening to halt all brain functions. She needed to get control soon.

Raven brought her hands around to fully cup Clarke's ample chest, her thumbs made quick work in finding the straining and stiffening nipples through the material. She pushed her body away from the wall and walked them back until Clarke's backside bumped into the work bench. "None then…"

"None sounds good to me right now." Clarke chewed at her lip, the feeling of Raven's thumbs sending jolts down to her core as she pressed herself up against the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED (aka we're teasing you guys with this cutoff)


	62. Chapter 62

~PREVIOUSLY~

"Boundaries...? I can't think..." Clarke's mind was far gone due to Raven's hands and mouth. Her mind was completely clouded over with want for the girl.

"One of us needs to make them and I'm asking you to because I know I can't." Raven nipped and licked at the flesh she just marked. Her nose traced the shell of the girl's ear, her breath coming out of soft puffs.

"I don't know..." Clarke was about ready to melt. The breath against her cheek and ear was threatening to halt all brain functions. She needed to get control soon.

Raven brought her hands around to fully cup Clarke's ample chest, her thumbs made quick work in finding the straining and stiffening nipples through the material. She pushed her body away from the wall and walked them back until Clarke's backside bumped into the work bench. "None then…"

"None sounds good to me right now." Clarke chewed at her lip, the feeling of Raven's thumbs sending jolts down to her core as she pressed herself up against the girl.

~

Raven dropped her hands down to the hem of her shirt then tugged it up and away from Clarke's body. Not wanting to wait she grabbed her own shirt and tore it up and off. She quickly replaced one hand over the girl's bra, teasing and pinching the bud through the thin cloth. The other hand wrapped around her body tugging her in so their bodies where pressed together again. "Me too."

Clarke quickly turned the two of them around and picked Raven up enough to sit her down on an empty spot on the workbench. Her mouth attached to the skin of her neck, nipping and sucking on a spot right above the curve of her neck.

Raven wrapped her legs around Clarke wanting to get some sort of friction to her center. She hadn't given any thought to how her brace would dig into her side when she tried to squeeze her thighs tighter. The attention to her neck had her head leaning to the side to give the girl more access, the feeling had soft yet needy moans falling from her mouth.

Clarke's hands wandered over the girl's body, grasping at her breasts and sides before sliding over the curve of her ass and squeezing hard.

Raven's breathing had increased once Clarke had placed her on top of the bench but she was panting even harder from the way her hands seemed to be all over her and not on her enough. One hand came up to tangle in the blonde mane wanting to feel it between her fingers as well as hold her head in place. "Clarke…fuck-"

"Just relax for a minute, okay?" Clarke finally pulled her mouth off and pressed their foreheads together again. "No boundaries, but we did say yesterday that we'd take this slowly, yeah?"

Raven groaned but kept her head resting against Clarke's. "That's what boundaries _means_ Clarke. Tell me what I can and can't do and touch right now because I have nearly no self-control with you right now."

"Well, feel free to touch if you want, but I don't think the workshop is the best place for our _official_ first time, right?" Clarke let out a small chuckle of laughter as she leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on her lips.

Raven pulled back just enough to be able to look into the blue eyes that had been haunting her since the day she landed in some way or another. She let out a sigh that that's as no longer the case but it was doing nothing for the throbbing in her core. "Well, do you have a place in mind? Specifically?"

"Maybe my room? Or other places? I don't know, all I'm thinking about right now is you."

"Tell me about these other places Clarke." Raven emphasized the girl's name with a nip to her chin. She tightened the hold she had with her legs and let her fingers walk up her sides to the material of her bra.

"Well, there's this place outside the walls I go to a lot. Nice small clearing, waterfall..." Clarke smiled, her arms wrapped around the girl's waist, pulling her closer to her body.

Raven swallowed hard from the small amount of contact to her center. Being in Clarke's arms the way she was had her mind spinning and her body buzzing and she wanted more of both.

"I've also had some of the local carpenters retrofit the dropship. Whenever I need a break I head out there for a few days and just rest." Clarke pressed her forehead against the girl's, closing her eyes and just breathing in the scent.

"Why is this the first I'm hearing of that? You've never been gone like that when I've been here..." Raven let her legs drop from the stranglehold they had around Clarke's waist but kept herself pressed tight to her. She tried to calm herself down but found her hands had a mind of their own as they slid around the girl's back and undid the clasp of her bra.

"Well having you here has made it a bit easier on me, so I haven't needed a break." Clarke pressed forward into her, her own hand gliding up Raven's back.

"Do we need to talk more..? About this- us?" Raven let the heaviness of her words hang there. She moved her hands up to the girl's shoulders, grabbing hold of the straps and inching them down slowly while she waited.

"What is there to say exactly?" Clarke used her free hand to tilt Raven's chin up and kissed her again deeply as her other hand unhooked the girl's bra.

Raven felt a rush of wetness start to soak her shorts with the way Clarke was kissing her. She let the bra straps fall down her arms and tossed it somewhere off to the side. Little grunts and moans stayed trapped in her throat as she slid her tongue into her mouth needing more of Clarke's taste. More of the way they kissed like old lovers. More of the thrill from how new and exciting it was.

Clarke allowed Raven the brief glimpse of control before her own tongue took control, sliding into the girl's mouth to lap up the taste of her. Unlike Raven, she did not stay quiet, with little whimpers and moans coming from her throat.

Raven felt another gush of wetness spill from her center making her squirm and hook the leg without the brace around Clarke. The sound of her moaning had always made Raven lightheaded but this time it was making her want to rip the girl's clothes from her body and take her there in the bench between her tools and scraps.

Clarke was spiraling out of control quickly and she knew it but couldn't stop. Soon enough she would be hopping up on that bench and bring Raven over the edge again and again without stopping just to get a taste of the girl. Instead she pulled her mouth away and gasped for air.

Raven moved her hands to the blonde’s cheeks and pulled her back in for another searing kiss. She bit down on her lip then sucked it into her mouth letting her tongue sooth the sting.

Nothing could make Clarke pull away this time as her tongue explored the girl's mouth while her hands explored her body, from the line of her shoulder blades down to the curve of her ass.

Raven ran her fingers back into the blonde hair, tugging at it and scratching lightly at her scalp. The ache between her legs was starting to pound causing her to grind and roll her hips into Clarke, wanting- no needing some sort of relief.

Clarke didn't want to pull away but her lungs were burning and heart pounding. She pulled in a quick breath before pouncing back on Raven's lips, her nails scratching over the skin of her back.

Raven grasped a handful of blonde strands and yanked, making her head tip back and their lips to pull apart. She leaned down attacking Clarke's neck, biting down on the taught skin then soothing it over with her tongue. With her free hand, she trailed a line down her neck and sternum to palm and knead at Clarke's breasts, switching between them and plucking at her nipples until they were both rock hard.

"Raven..." The words caught in Clarke's throat were replaced by a groan at the feeling of her lips on her neck. She didn't want to stop any of this and didn't care at this point if they did have sex in the workshop.

Dropping her hand from the blonde’s hair, Raven tugged the button of her pants open and pulled the zipper down. She slid her hand down into the tight space but kept her fingers over the girl’s underwear as she cupped the center. Raven licked the outer shell of Clarke's ear, breathing heavily and groaning at the feel of the girl’s wetness through the damp material.

"We should stop..." Clarke's hips bucked forward into Raven's hand, the touch sending shivers up her spine.

Raven nodded as she kissed a line down Clarke's jawline then back up behind her ear. "We should..." Instead of removing her hand from the girl's pants she started to trace the outline of her folds. She dragged her fingers over the soaking wet barrier, circling her clit just hard enough for her to feel it yet too light to really be of any actual help.

"Raven, please...either we do this or we stop. I can't do this in-between thing." Clarke was practically panting as her hips kept bucking forward into Raven's hand.

Raven knew she wanted their 'official' first time to be possibly in a bed and definitely naked and absolutely uninterrupted. Even with all that she still didn't remove her hand from Clarke's pants. She pressed her fingers harder over her clit, moving them in tighter faster circles. "What was that you were saying?"

"Raven...fuck..." Clarke's head was bent forward onto Raven's shoulder, her teeth chewing at her lip.

"I can stop…or you can cum." Raven moved her free hand to palm one of her breasts. She moaned her own excitement over the feel of the girl's rock hard nipple in one hand and stiff bud in the other.

"Fuck...Raven please..." Clarke couldn't handle much more of the teasing. Each touch was sending her closer to the edge and she knew she didn't have long.

Raven started a steady rhythm of pinching and circling both her nipple and clit through the wet and sticky material. She dropped her own head down, letting her lips hover over Clarke's ear as she panted and let little moans and groans fall from her mouth. "Can you cum like this, Clarke?"

Clarke nodded, whimpering as she toppled over the edge.

Raven eased her through her orgasm trying to make it last as long possible but not fall over the edge again. Her own body felt tight and coiled but surprisingly at ease. Just hearing Clarke fall over the edge gave her a sense of satisfaction that she hoped would last until they could do this again. In a bed. Naked.

Clarke was panting and shaking by the end. It felt so good and she wanted to pay Raven back but she knew she couldn't here. Not the way she wanted to.

Raven slid her hand out of her pants, buttoning and zipping them back up. She let her fingertips dance up over the heated flesh to Clarke's chin, tipping it up so she could press soft kisses to her lips. "Are you- was that okay?" Her voice came out in a barely-there rasp in between kisses.

"More than okay...I owe you, but another time." Clarke smiled and nuzzled her face against her neck.

"Hmm no…you don't owe me, Clarke. I don't want this is to be like that- an ‘I owe you because you made me’ type of situation. I'm always going to want to touch you and kiss you and make you cum…but not because I want it in return or that it _has_ to happen that way." Raven wrapped her arms around the girl's naked torso, rubbing random patterns into the skin along her spine.

"I know, but I want to pay you back for that...you free for a quick trip outside the walls tomorrow?" Clarke smiled, Raven's hands soothing her.

"Clarke…If I'm leaving these walls to go anywhere with you, you can bet that quick won't be a part of it..." Raven wouldn't deny the ache between her legs was making her squirm a little but she didn't want to ruin whatever it was that Clarke had in mind.

"Quick is a relative term Raven." Clarke laughed and stood back up, grabbing their clothes off the ground and handing hers back to her.

Taking her shirt and bra, Raven remained sitting on the bench, holding the items but making no moves to put them on. "You are the one who said quick. I was just making sure I was going to have enough time to have you screaming my name in a multitude of ways."

"Same way that I'll have you screaming my name." Clarke winked at her, pulling her bra on and clasping it.

"Are you leaving?" Raven still sat there, both items resting in her lap as she leaned back on her hands and watched.

"Not yet if you don't want me to."

"Why would I want you to leave? I want you to stay as long as you can and even longer than that." Raven let her eyes roam the girl's body, lingering on her now covered chest.

"Then I'll stay. Believe me, there's nothing more I'd rather do." Clarke hopped up on the workbench, sitting next to the girl.

The second Clarke was sat next to her, Raven shifted and moved as fast as she could so she was straddling her lap. "Since you've decided to stay…"

"Would you rather move somewhere more comfortable? My room is open and Anya is out for the day, so no interruptions." Clarke's hands slid over the girl's legs.

"Can _you_ handle that?" Raven draped her arms around Clarke's neck, looking down into her eyes that were just starting to show blue again.

"Of course I can handle that. Wanna go now?" Clarke cocked an eyebrow, waiting for a response.

"Do we need to set boundaries for this?" Raven tried to be as graceful as possible while climbing down from the girl's lap and bench top. One hand flew up to her chest so she could stop the unnecessary bouncing and shaking as she finally came to a stable standstill.

"Fuck boundaries. I just want you." Clarke hopped off and pulled her shirt on over her head.

Raven had her bra on and clasped and shirt tugged down over her head within seconds. "Maybe you make up your mind?" Raven grabbed Clarke's hand and was out of the workshop and tugging the girl along towards the tower.

"I did make up my mind. No boundaries." Clarke followed along, heading inside the tower and to the elevator.

As the two headed towards the elevator, the doors open and Lexa stepped out, speaking with a guard. She turned and stopped, seeing Raven pulling Clarke along. After taking a deep breath, she nodded towards the two.

Raven had just pulled Clarke in close behind her so she could lean against her while they waited for the elevator that usually took forever. Her entire body stiffened when her vision was filled with Lexa. Her mouth opened to say something- anything- but nothing coherent came out. "Uhm…I uhh- Lex..."

"Raven." She nodded again. She knew this run-in would happen sooner or later, but Lexa still felt a twinge of pain in her chest. "Heading upstairs I assume? Will I see you later tonight?"

Raven stood there frozen, her eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. She knew at some point they were all cross paths like this bit had hoped it wouldn't be for a long time. Finally snapping out of it, she took a small step forward and nodded. She let a soft smile take form on her lips as she replied but to only half of the question. "Of course you'll see me later."

"Alright. Enjoy your time." Lexa waved the guard forward and they exited the tower, turning to head for their destination.

Clarke took a step forward, a hand on Raven's shoulder. "Everything good?"

Raven nodded and swallowed away the uncomfortable feeling and shot forward into the small space of the elevator before the door could close. "Yeah yeah everything is good."

"Alright...do you want me to leave you alone right now or...?" Clarke couldn't find the right words to help make this _not_ awkward. She stood behind the girl, not touching her.

Raven leaned back into the girl as the door shut and the lift began to rise. She took hold of her hands and placed them on stomach underneath her shirt and above the line of pants. "No, I don't want you to leave me _alone_."

"Alright. I'll stay with you." Clarke placed a gentle kiss to Raven's neck as the elevator rose through the floors.

A chill ran down Raven's spine from the way Clarke's lips pressed against her skin. She felt herself relaxing more and eased her body further back into the blonde's front while tightening her grip on her arms.

As the doors opened on her floor, Clarke nudged the girl out of the lift and toward her room, pulling her inside and shutting the door before pushing her up against the door and pressing a hard kiss to her lips.

Raven opened her mouth with a grunt that gave way to a whimper. Her hands came up to grip the girl's chin and cheek probably a little harder than necessary but her body was tingling everywhere and her mind was spinning. "Fuck Clarke…" She managed to get out between kisses.

"Bed..." Clarke tugged the girl along, not breaking the kiss. They bumped into almost everything between them and the bed but didn't care or just didn't bother to notice.

Raven fell back, pulling Clarke with her when she felt her knees hit the beds edge. She used their momentum and flipped them so she was on top of the girl looking down into her blue eyes while panting. "I want to know when you first thought about doing this."

"This? Well...I don't know. I remember feeling something the moment I popped my head inside that pod and saw you, but never really thought about it...probably until we were preparing to fight Anya. When you got hurt and were talking me through preparing the ship...I knew I really felt something and I wanted you."

Raven surged forward to reconnect their lips in a kiss that was all teeth and tongue. She slipped a thigh between the girl's legs and ground hard up into her center. After a few minutes of grinding and kissing like it was her job, Raven pulled away and peered down at Clarke as she tried to catch her breath. "But you always stopped when we would get to about this point..."

Clarke was out of breath as well, panting and looking up at Raven. "Yeah. Dumb decision on my part, now just fucking kiss me."

"Right-" She nodded. "-kissing." Raven reconnected their lips in a wet sloppy kiss. Her hips jerked forward a little too hard making her brace dig into her calf and causing her to bite down on Clarke's bottom lip. She turned her head slightly to the side and let out a heavy sigh of frustration from how not smooth any of this was going.

Clarke could feel herself hiss from the sting of the bite. Usually a little lip biting was fine by her, but this one was too hard. She saw Raven turn away and then brought her hand up to turn the girl's face back, looking up at her. "Now that's no reason to stop."

Raven let out another heavy breath and rolled off to the side of the blonde onto her back. She screwed her eyes shut tight and tried to pretend this wasn't happening. Tried to make the awkwardness just disappear and go back to how they were down in her workshop. "Clarke I just bit you because my stupid brace pinched my leg. I'm thinking this isn't going very well."

"Well then let's fix that part, alright?" Clarke sat up and climbed on top of Raven, slowly unclasping the brace and pulling it off, dropping it to the side

"That feels so much better..." Raven let out a long low appreciative moan the second her leg was free of the tight brace. Watching Clarke as she removed the mass of bent metal and padding stirred up a few different emotions. The way she took her time, the way she was gentle. It made Raven's heart squeeze and core throb. It turned her on and reminded her that this was why she loved her.

"Good. We need to make sure you're comfortable." Clarke held herself above the girl, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek and smiling.

Raven threaded one hand back into Clarke's hair, tugging her down as she raised her own head so they could meet in the middle. She pressed pulled the girl's bottom lip between her own and sucked the last traces of the coppery tang away as a way of trying to make up for it. She brought her free hand up, tracing Clarke's jawline down to the hollow of her neck where she lingered for only a second or two and then continued downward to the hem of her shirt where she waited for permission this time.

Clarke pulled away just enough to nod and move her hands to the hem of Raven's own shirt.

Raven tugged the shirt up and tossed it over the side of the bed then leaned up a little more so her own shirt could be removed. Once she was settled back down on the bed she took a long moment to openly gawk at Clarke's chest. It didn't matter how many times she'd seen her like this, it still made her ache down to her core.

"Better?" Clarke smiled and leaned down, kissing a line along the girl's neck.

After hooking her good leg up over Clarke's so they were tangled at the ankle, Raven turned her head to the side giving more access to her neck. She pushed back into the pillows a little harder as the sensation started to muddle her thoughts. "So much better..."

Clarke kissed her way back up and reconnected their lips, her tongue running over Raven's bottom lip. Her hand trailed up the girl's body, slipping the straps of her bra down her shoulders.

Raven's mouth opened of its own accord to welcome Clarke's tongue back into duel with her own. Her chest had begun to rise and fall with the excitement that was racing throughout her body and causing that familiar churn start deep in her belly.

Clarke's hands roamed the girl's body, feeling the skin heat up against her own. Her thigh slipped in between hers, pressing against her core.

Raven hooked her leg tighter around Clarke's, wanting to keep her in place. Her own leg pressing up to fit in the space between the girl's thicker toned thighs. She started to roll her hips in a steady rhythm so they both felt the effects of the others movements against their own core. " _Fuck_ this feels…" Her mind was so fuzzy she struggled just to get thoughts out.

"Just keep going alright?" Clarke groaned against her neck, her face buried in it. She loved the feeling and ground her hips down.

"Grind _harder_." Raven panted out. She dragged her nails down the blonde's back only stopping to flick the clasp of her bra open. She clawed hard enough to leave lines of angry red welts from her neck to the just above her waistband where she slid one hand in to palm and squeeze her ass.

"Yes ma'am." Clarke chuckled through the pants and ground down much harder, sliding the bra off and tossing it to the side.

"Clarke…that first time- Arkadia. I asked you not to go slow and gentle." Raven's words came out between heavy panting and labored breathing and an ache in her clit that was moving her closer to the edge. "Why?"

"Why? Why do I go slow and gentle? Because I want this to feel like something. Not just some... _fuck_ , some random hookup. I want us to feel real."

Raven's body stilled with what she heard. She brought both of her hands up to Clarke's face, thumbs caressing her jawline and cheek. "Clarke…We are- this…It is real. You don't have to be gentle or go slow or anything like that but I am very okay with it."

"Yes, we are. We are now. And I know that we are now, so I can go as hard or as fast as you need me to. Now stop pausing already and just fucking _kiss_ me!" Clarke almost growled and pounced on the girl's lips again, her hips grinding down as she pressed her leg harder against the girl's core.

Raven moaned into Clarke's mouth from the way she had pressed against her clit in exactly the right spot. She dropped one hand to the bed fisting the fur, the other going back down into the tight space between her pants and underwear and skin. "Just like that…ke-keep doing that."

Clarke moaned and nodded, grinding down harder with every move of her hips. Her hands continued to roam the girl's body, wanting to memorize every detail.

Raven felt like she was on the verge of exploding. The exact spot Clarke's leg was pressed against and the steady rocking was all surprisingly perfect. Even without direct contact she was teetering on the edge. Hovering and ready to fall but she just…wasn't. "Fuck…I'm _so_ _close_."

"Come on Raven..." The grinds were becoming uncomfortable for Clarke but she didn't want to stop because of Raven. She hoped she would fall soon.

The throbbing in her core from the need to cum had Raven grunting and her hips moving a little more erratically. The churn in her belly was becoming uncomfortable and she felt the irritation in the blonde's voice. "I'm right on the edge…I'm _right_ there."

Clarke brought a hand up to Raven's breast, her hand kneading the mound and gently pinching the nipple as she changed the angle of her leg. She hoped adding in those little bits would be good enough to push Raven over the edge.

Raven arched her chest into the touch. All the new sensations felt amazing but she still wasn't falling over the edge. With an exhale of acceptance, Raven raised a hand to Clarke's shoulder and pushed her up and back. "This isn't- I…I'm not going to…"

"Why? What's wrong?" Clarke looked over her expression. "Was it Lexa? Did she ruin the mood?" As she spoke, Clarke shifted on the bed, her knee pressing up against Raven.

"No it's not…holy _fuck_." Raven's head dropped back onto the bed as a jolt ran through her body. She bit down on her bottom lip trapping a moan in her chest as she finally fell over the edge.

Clarke saw the sudden change and Raven falling over the edge, knowing exactly what pushed her over. She continued to grind, helping Raven ride out the orgasm.

Raven finally caught her breath enough to relax and squint her eyes open. She was still shaking a little bit as came down from her high but she was smiling up at the blonde. "Holy shit.."

"Intense?" Clarke tried to smile back at the girl, but the disappointment in her voice was clear. She knew what drove Raven over the edge and it didn't feel good.

"Hmm..." Raven grinned and nodded. "Yeah I guess that's one way of putting it."

"Okay...good." Clarke smiled and rolled off to the side, laying on her back next to the girl. Her stomach was in knots and she could feel the bile rise in her throat but she wouldn't let Raven see the change in her demeanor now.

Raven rolled onto her side, pressing herself into Clarke. She had her head propped up with one hand while the other traced patterns along her sternum and around her neck. "So…what's wrong then?"

"What? Nothing's wrong." Clarke watched her hand swirl around on her skin, breathing slowly.

Raven dipped her fingers further down the girl's body between her breasts with every pass until she reached the waistband on her pants. Every so often she would drag her nails a little harder than the time before. She leaned down and kissed every inch of skin on Clarke's neck she could reach, nipping and sucking along the way. "So this is okay?"

"Yeah, yeah that's okay." Clarke closed her eyes, just taking in the feeling of being touched. Her breathing was slightly faster than before, chest rising and falling.

Raven unbuttoned Clarke's pants and slipped her hand into them the same way she had done in the workshop. The heat coming from her had Raven's entire body aching to strip Clarke bare so she could touch and feel everything without any barrier. With the little bit of self-control she had left, Raven kept her fingers dragging over the blonde's underwear, circling her her clit and entrance as best she could. "And this?"

Clarke nodded, a small moan coming from her mouth. "More Raven...please..."

Raven removed her hand from the girl's pants and scooted down the bed. She kicked her boots off then removed Clarke's. Getting up on her knees, Raven reached up and hooked her fingers into the belt loops of the blonde's pants and pulled them down slowly, feeling more turned in with every inch of skin revealed. She tossed them aside without looking away, the sight of creamy white skin against her own tanned skin had her almost frozen in place and aching.

Clarke was practically squirming at this point, her skin on fire and her core throbbing. She needed Raven to touch her soon or she would have to do it herself.

Raven's eyes traveled up the girl's legs and it was everything she remembered and then some. She pulled Clarke's legs back so they were bent at the knees and places herself between them, leaning down low enough to kiss and slide her lips and tongue up to the apex of her body. Her breathing was coming out in heavy bursts as she ghosted her lips back down over thighs, the scent causing her to clench her own thighs to ease her own ache.

"God Raven...stop teasing....please." Clarke was actually squirming now, her hips bucking at the feeling of the hot breath on her legs. Every touch or movement sent jolts to her core, her panties already soaked from before.

Settling down on her belly, Raven hooked one arm under and around Clarke's leg, letting it rest right over the top of her panty line. Her other hand gripped the back of her thigh making sure she stayed spread and open. She let her fingers dip once into the one curls beneath the drenched material, tugging but not hard enough to hurt. She brought her mouth down, tongue out, dragging over the thin piece of cloth separating them.

" _Fuck_ Raven..." Clarke's hips bucked up against the girl's arm, her head thrown back against the bed. One hand gripped at the furs while the other found its way to the brown locks, wrapping around the base of her ponytail and tugging slightly.

" _Shit_!" Raven growled out feeling her hair being tugged on. She traced her thumb down over the last item of clothing to the outline of Clarke's clit, pressing down hard and working small circles over it. She continued to lick out over her entrance, side to side and dipping into her as far as the material would allow.

"Off...take it off..." Clarke was panting at this point, still tugging on Raven's hair. She was writhing on the bed, each lick and touch sending her that much closer.

Raven slipped her tongue off to the side so she could lick and suck at the sticky skin not covered by the girl's underwear. She had just tugged them off to the side and out of the way, tongue just barely dipping inside of Clarke when she looked up and saw her. Frozen in place, Raven could only stare up at the older warrior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about that! Had to take it down and do some minor changes around the second half of Claven.

After having been out most of the day, Anya had hoped to return and relax until Clarke came to see her as she had promised before leaving. She had almost been back to the tower when she passed Lexa on the street. Lexa had only said "Clarke's room," which Anya had thought she meant Clarke was waiting there for her. She was very wrong, seeing the two girls in bed.

Raven pulled back just far enough so her tongue slid out and away from Clarke's center. Her hand stilled but remained pressing down on her clit. Somewhere in the back of her shocked and annoyed mind she knew this had to have something to do with Lexa. "Please tell me this isn't happening…"

Clarke looked up at Raven's face. "Why'd you stop? Keep going." She sat up and looked in the same direction, her jaw dropping. "Ahn! What are you doing here?"

Anya had to snap her jaw closed and avert her eyes once Clarke sat up. "Sorry...uh, well...Lexa told me...you know what? Never mind. I'll leave you two alone." She turned back toward the door, but didn't move. "I'll be at the tavern if you need me." She yanked open the door and walked out, closing it behind her.

Raven went to sit back and away from the blonde, trying to untangle her arms and keep her own chest covered. Her eyes were switching from focused and wide to squinting. They had initially agreed to going to the dropship the next day and having the second first time yet there they were, practically in the middle of it and the moment was destroyed. "I should probably- maybe this isn't…"

Clarke fell back on the bed with a heavy long-winded sigh. She knew right away Lexa had something to do with this when Anya mutter her name before rushing back out. Part of her wanted to get dressed and go off in search of Lexa and have words with her. The other half was somewhat relieved that it happened so soon after their new arrangement. "We don't have to continue…I get why you might not want to, but I don't want you to leave either."

Raven crawled up the length of Clarke's body and laid out beside her, head propped up on one hand. She was still a little bit shocked at what had just happened but she too had already assumed that this would happen at some point and possibly more than once. "That was kind of a mood killer."

"Yeah, kinda." Clarke chuckled slightly, turning to face the girl. She was still slightly on edge from before Anya had walked in but she wasn't concerned with that right now. She tried to brush off the encounter they just had and turn her attention back to the girl beside her.

"There are dozens of rooms we can use in this giant ass tower, maybe we try that sometimes. Avoid being walked in on, have uninterrupted sex, orgasms." Raven walked her fingers back down Clarke's body as she spoke, stopping when she felt the only bit of material on her body. She waited a beat then slipped her hand under and through the drenched and sticky folds.

"Yeah, mayb-fuuuuck." Clarke couldn't focus on her words when she felt Raven touch her again. Her hips bucked up, begging to have Raven's mouth back down there.

Raven pressed kisses across the blonde's jawline leading up to her lips. She kissed the girl hard, pushing her tongue into her mouth without waiting for permission. She licked into her mouth, moaning when their tongues mixed their tastes together and she couldn't get enough. At the same time she circled Clarke's entrance twice then slide two fingers deep into her and started up a steady pace.

Clarke gasped as the fingers started up inside her. The pace was enough to push Clarke close to the edge again.

Raven kept her fingers moving at a steady pace. She kept pushing into her and hitting that spot with every stroke. Wanting to see the girl's body as she came, Raven leaned back and let her eyes roam from her face to her toes and back again. Just the sight was enough to take her breath away. "Fuck…you look amazing like this."

"Oh fuck Raven I'm gonna-" Clarke couldn't finish the sentence as she fell over the edge with a small cry, her back arching off the bed and her hands gripping the furs under her.

Watching Clarke cum, seeing how her body reacted like this, it was almost enough to make her tumble too. Raven kept her fingers going, only slowing down the tiniest bit while she leaned down and took a nipple into her mouth. She swirled her tongue around the bud, sucking lightly until it wasn't light anymore. She sped up the pace of her fingers and switched breasts, sucking that nipple into her mouth and letting her teeth rake over the peak.

Clarke knew she was going to fall again. The addition of Raven's mouth against her skin sent her spiraling again, crying out louder this time as her body shook under the girl's.

Raven slowed her hand until she came to a stop and pulled her fingers from the soaked heat. She released her nipple with a little pop then trailed a line of wet kisses up her neck. Pulling back just far enough so she could look at Clarke's face, Raven didn't know what she was feeling more, the want to just look at the blonde or the want to cum again. "Watching you cum has got to be one of the best things I've ever seen."

"Yeah...heard that before..." Clarke was breathing heavily, but smiling up at the girl. She quickly leaned up and kissed her, pulling away and laying back on the bed.

Raven laid out on her back after rolling her eyes at the remark. She took in a deep breath and exhaled long and slow trying to calm her own body down.

"Well..." Clarke finally managed to get her breathing under control and turned to face the girl, one hand ending up on Raven's stomach.

"Well? Do you want to know what's said about me?" Raven glanced down at the hand resting right above the waistband of her pants then back up to her face. She cocked an eyebrow then grinned at her.

"I don't wanna hear what anyone else says about you." Clarke rolled up on top of the girl and leaned down for a heated kiss.

Raven moaned into the kiss, letting her tongue dip into her mouth. She moaned again from the feeling of Clarke's weight on top of her, loving how they melded together in just the right ways.

Clarke's hand roamed down to Raven's pants, slipping below the fabric and into the damp folds.

Raven let out a sigh that could have been mistaken for a cry when she finally got the contact she had been aching for. Her legs fell open on their own and she rolled her hips in search of more relief.

Clarke's fingers slid right inside of her, even with the awkward angle of her hand. She curled her fingers right against that spot as her mouth planted wet kisses down Raven's neck.

Raven wrapped her hand around Clarke's wrist trying to still her hand. She had to take a few deep breaths to get her words out in a coherent tone. "Not so soon…I don't want to cum so qui-quickly."

"Oh, so now you want slow?" Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the girl. She did slow her hand down, abiding by Raven's request.

"That was a totally different situation and you went slow anyway!" Raven kept a firm grip on her wrist more just to keep the connection and dig crescent shaped marks into the skin than anything else. When Clarke hit a particular spot deep inside, Raven let go of her wrist and gripped the furs with both hands.

"Mhmm, sure it was." Clarke smirked at her reaction and kept reaching for that spot, slowly but steadily.

Raven's mouth dropped open and her jaw went slack. She had to hold tighter to the fur beneath her from the sheer strength of the orgasm that slammed into her. "Jesus fuck Clarke! You have to- I need you to stop…I'm gonna pass out…"

"Just relax and enjoy." Clarke sped up the curls, kissing and nipping at the girl's neck.

Raven arched her back and tried to match the pace Clarke was stroking into her. Her head was tossed back into the pillows and the muscles of her neck were pulled tight. She felt the grey headspace starting to take over and it was all she could do to stop it from taking over.

"Give me one more Raven, that's all I want." Clarke's breath was hot against Raven's ear as she tried to push the girl over the edge.

Raven's hips bucked up as another weaker wave took her. Her eyes were clamped shut and she was now biting into her bottom lip so hard she was sure there would be marks.

Clarke continued to curl inside of her, slightly slower now, to ease her through.

Raven's sagged down into a boneless pile on the bed. She was sucking in large gulps of air trying to return even a tiny bit of oxygen to her lungs after what felt like an eternity. She tried to speak and thought she had managed a few words but ended up passing out from exhaustion, amongst a few other reasons.

Clarke slowly pulled her hand out and stood, helping to maneuver Raven on the bed so she could pulled the furs up around her. Once settled, Clarke climbed back in next to her and snuggled up against her side, placing a kiss on her shoulder before tucking her own head there and closing her eyes.

~

Anya emerged from the tower in a cloud of anger and frustration after walking in on Clarke and Raven in the middle of…that. She was verging on livid by the time she found the Commander in the stands of the arena watching some of the Nightbloods spar.

Lexa had been sitting in the stands for quite some time, her guard standing off to the side of the benches. Her attention was focused on the arena, where Aden was currently sparring with another older nightblood, but she could feel her Adviser walk up next to her. "Ah, come to join me in watching the training? Some of the other natblida are advancing quite well."

"A word in private, Commander?" Anya's jaw visibly worked from side to side, her eyes were nothing short of blazing.

"Something wrong? Did you witness something...displeasing?" Lexa knew exactly what she had sent the older warrior into. She had expected this amount of anger and was nothing short of pleased at her reaction.

Anya had trained and cared for Lexa in nearly every way possible since she was able to swing a sword and never in all that time could she recall being this incensed with her. "You sent me up there- your intentions were...?"

"My intentions were what? I gave you a location, it was your choice to go there immediately. Who's to say I wasn't trying to warn you not to go up there?" Lexa was standing now, face to face with the older warrior. Her face betrayed no emotion, but her words conveyed everything she wanted to be known.

"You had a choice Lexa!" Anya had begun to raise her voice but had enough respect to not let herself get too loud. "You did not have to agree to this and you certainly did not have to bring it to her attention. She would have been none the wiser."

"I made my choice. I wanted you to see exactly what you had caused. This is your doing." Lexa's voice stayed even, her eyes staring straight into those of her Adviser.

Anya nodded once, her own eyes staring right back into the Commander's. "Would you like to know what I saw when I walked in? Raven. Between Clarke's legs. With her tongue- I'm sure you can imagine where."

Lexa didn't react to the words. "Just as I expected. I encountered them as I was leaving the elevator. The look in their eyes...I haven't seen it in a while."

Anya felt herself starting to calm. She relaxed her stance and stopped working her jaw. She wasn't anywhere close to relaxed but she was more willing to listen to the younger warrior’s words. "Explain."

"I could see the joy in their faces. Them being with each other shows something that had been locked away for some time. This is what we wanted, but that doesn't make it hurt any less."

"Do you not think that this has affected me as well, Lexa? And besides that…Did you not think I would be interrupting something special between them?"

"I didn't expect you to fully interrupt them, just see the damage you've caused. I hope you're happy." Lexa turned and called out to the guard before walking over to him, talking quickly.

"Right now you're acting like a child-" Anya called out before she could get very far. "-and not Heda." Anya knew she was dangerously close to closing the line but didn't care all the much right at that moment. She turned on her heel and took long calculated steps away from the arena.

"I'm acting like a child? You're acting as though you thought you would never see them together! It was bound to happen sooner or later!" Lexa didn't move, only called out from the spot she was standing in. She watched the older warrior walk away, not knowing whether to be pleased or annoyed.

~

Raven cracked one eye open and held in a groan. She had rolled onto her side at some point after passing out, Clarke on her side but curled into her and head tucked up her chin. She tried to maintain steady breathing not wanting to wake the girl.

Clarke had fallen asleep not too long ago, so the slight movement woke her slowly as she stretched out her arm and looked up at Raven. "Well hello there sleepy head." She smiled as she pulled away enough to look her in the face.

Raven let a soft smile spread across her lips. She brought one hand up to tuck a few strands of golden hair back behind Clarke's ear, her fingers lingering for the briefest of moments before sliding down the over her shoulder and arm. "Sorry I woke you."

"No, it's alright. I just dozed off for a second. Unlike you." Clarke smiled, remembering Raven passing out beneath her earlier which led to their nap.

Raven gave off a halfhearted laugh and a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Her fingers continue their circuit from the top of her shoulder down to the knuckles of her fingers and back up again.

"Did you sleep well at least?" Clarke closed her eyes, taking in the feeling of being touched so gently by Raven.

"I know the reason I fell asleep was pretty good so..." Lifting her head up off the pillow, Raven tucked the arm that was pressed into the bed up under her to hold her head up.

"Mm, it better be." Clarke stretched out again and turned over, looking out the window. "How late is it?"

"I don't think it's too late, maybe mid-afternoon?" Raven leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the nape of Clarke's neck. She wrapped her free arm around her body and held her close, wanting her to stay in that position and not turn back around. "Clarke…"

"Yeah?" Clarke could feel the girl's body pressed against her. She smiled and pressed back against her.

Raven sucked in a long breath then exhaled heavily. Her fingers ghosted down Clarke's near naked body just to keep the feeling of her under her fingertips a little bit longer. "Maybe we should- I…maybe I should go."

"You don't have to leave. You can stay as long as you like, I don't mind." Clarke could hear the tone wavering in Raven's voice. She knew something was wrong and she also knew she wasn't letting Raven leave until she found out what was wrong.

Raven rolled onto her back, her head falling down between two pillows. The silence felt like it was stretching for minutes but wasn't really much more than 30 or so seconds. "I know I don't have to but I probably should. Soon at least."

"Something's wrong though. Tell me." Clarke rolled herself over so she was facing Raven, her head propped up on one hand. Her other hand was on the girl's stomach, fingers drawing light circles on the skin.

Raven slipped one arm under Clarke so she could continue to run her fingertips up and down her spine. Her other arm came up to cover her own eyes and she sighed softly at the girl's light touch. "What happens if- this just feels so uncertain..."

"There's no reason to be worried about any of this. Remember, before any of this I'm your best friend. You can talk to me about anything." Clarke studied what part of the girl's face she could see. She could see the tension and wanted to help ease it.

Raven swung her arm away from her face and dropped it heavily on the bed beside her. "Clarke," she grumbled out, her nails digging into her back a little harder than she intended for a second. "We both know Lexa had something to do with Anya walking in…"

"Yeah, I heard. I'm not happy about it either." Clarke sighed, sitting up a bit more. “I don’t want to let this come between us. I know she's gonna act like this for a while, and I do know how she can be sometimes. Don’t let it get to you. She won't scare me away, that's for sure."

"How can I not let it get to me? If it's hurting her then it's hurting me." Raven let out a frustrated huff as she shifted onto her side and tucked her head under Clarke's chin.

"I don't think it's hurting her. She just isn’t used to not getting her way so she is probably trying to scare us away from each other. She wants you to be happy, right? And you're happy here with me as well as her?"

"Clarke…you know it doesn't work like that. Not this." Raven rolled onto her back again. She laid there with her eyes closed trying to keep her breathing steady. Finally, she sat up and twisted to the side letting her legs swing over the edge, feet on the floor.

"Raven...You know I'm always going to be here for you. No matter what." Clarke didn't move, only watched the girl and let her hand roam the warm spot where she was just lying.

Raven pushed up off the bed with a grunt. There was a dull thumping in her leg which was probably the result of their activities but she tried her best to ignore it. She scooped up her brace from the floor and slipped it into place, snapping and strapping it on. There was a tickle of irritation in the back if her mind at the ease with which Clarke seemed to talk about Lexa but she, again, swallowed it away.

"Raven, please. You're still upset, I can tell." Clarke stood up and walked in front of the girl. "I'm angry about all this too. Lexa's gone too far."

Raven managed to tear her eyes away from the nearly naked body in front of her, landing on the blue pair instead. "Yeah I’m not angry. More pissed and upset, Clarke. I didn't just stop being upset in the last three minutes." Raven backed up then gathered her shirt and bra and put them back on.

"Please...I want to make sure you're okay before you leave." Clarke threw on her robe quickly and then went back around to stand in front of Raven.

"Right now I don't know okay? I don’t know what I am." Sidestepping around the blonde, Raven picked up her boots, taking them to the couch. She leaned on the edge of the arm and slid her feet in, trying her best to keep her agitation at bay.

"Raven." Clarke gently pushed her back until she hit the wall. She put her hands on either side of her head and stared into the brown orbs. "Relax, okay?"

Raven sucked in a deep breath and felt herself relax just the slightest bit. She stared back into the blue eyes and melted just a little bit more. "I'm trying but this…it doesn't exactly calm me ya know."

"I know, but being pissed at Lexa won't help this situation any. Snapping at her will only make this worse." Clarke tilted her head, her breath hot on Raven's skin.

A shiver raced down Raven's spine and she swallowed thick and hard. The puffs of hot air that kept hitting her skin were making her brain a jumbled mess. "I don't see how turning me on- fuck- right now is gonna help either." Raven brought her hands up to rest on Clarke's hips.

"You'll be thinking about me instead, not being pissed." Clarke grinned.

Raven's eyebrows shot up while she did everything in her power not to untie the blonde's robe. She dug her fingers into the silky material that hugged Clarke's curves in all the right places. "I already am..."

"Then we're off to a great start." Clarke finally backed away with a smile, walking over to pick up her own clothes.

Raven was quick on her heels, keeping them practically connected front to back. She slipped her hands up around the girl's body and undid the belt then tugged the robe down off her shoulder. She slid her lips along the exposed skin of her neck up to her ear and breathed out. "Two can play this, Clarke." Her voice had dropped so low she hardly recognized it herself. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah...uh, yeah. Tomorrow." Clarke's brain stopped functioning for a second as the robe fell away.

"Maybe you'll actually get my pants off." Raven swallowed the groan of unhappiness as she pulled away. She let her eyes roam Clarke's backside once more then turned and left. She knew if she would have waited any longer they would be back on that bed and very naked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come talk to us on Tumblr.  
> iamalexarkslut = ADCtrash  
> hope-breeds = FindingSide


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the interesting back and forth in the comments for the last chapter I thought it might actually help a few people if I laid out the differences between open relationships and polyamory.
> 
>  
> 
> According to wikipedia, "polyamory is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. 
> 
> An open relationship denotes a relationship (often between two people) in which the participants are free to have sexual intercourse with other partners. If the couple making this agreement are married, it is an open marriage. 
> 
> While "open relationship" is sometimes used as a synonym for "polyamory" or "polyamorous relationship", these terms are generally differentiated. The "open" in "open relationship" usually refers to the sexual aspect of a non-closed relationship, whereas "polyamory" refers to the extension of a relationship by allowing bonds to form (which may be sexual or otherwise) as additional long term relationships. 
> 
> However, there is enough overlap between the two concepts that 'open relationship' is sometimes used as a catch-all substitute when speaking to people who may not be familiar with 'polyamory'."

As soon as Raven had left the room, Clarke had finished getting dressed and hurried out of the tower. She was concerned with how Anya would be after what she witnessed earlier, especially when she mentioned going to the tavern. She rushed in, finding Anya slumped over in her usual seat, a mug of mead in her hand and obviously more inside of her.

Anya was sat on her stool, mug in one hand and head resting in the other as it was propped up by the bartop. She brought the mug to her lips and drained half of it before dropping it back down onto the bar.

Clarke walked over, a hand on Anya's back. "How far am I behind?" Clarke tried to joke but she was concerned. She could tell Anya was pretty far in already.

Anya tensed when she felt the hand on her then relaxed when she heard the voice. Her jaw clenched as she took in a breath through her nose. "Too many to count…but I'm ready for another." She raised the mug to her lips and drained its contents before waiving over the barkeep.

"That bad?...I'm so sorry about this afternoon. You shouldn't have had to see that." Clarke sat next to her and also asked for a mug.

Anya's eyes narrowed as she sat there, her mind hazy from the mead. " _Heda_ wanted to make sure I knew. _Heda_ wanted to assure that I saw how _happy_ you two were together." She raised her mug half way to her mouth then held it out waiting for the blonde to do the same.

"Oh...I didn't know..." Clarke raised hers, not meeting Anya's eyes.

"Well now you do…and so does she." Anya clanked her mug with Clarke's causing some of the liquid to slosh up and over the side.

"Ahn..." Clarke sighed, taking a large swig of the drink. "Listen, no matter what you saw today, it doesn't affect _us_. I love you."

"I know that Clarke. I am no fool." Anya takes a healthy sip of her mead, exhaling heavily afterward. "I know what _I've_ done. What _I've_ caused." She turned her head so she was facing straight ahead, her next few words coming out in a low jumble. "Just wanted you to be happy."

"You haven't _caused_ anything. Look at what you've done. You've allowed the person you love to be in this...open relationship...in order to be happy. That takes more love and courage than anything I can think of. And I am happy. I'm happy that I have you." Clarke took another gulp, placing the almost empty mug down on the bar top, her hand turning Anya's face towards her own. "Don't feel ashamed of any of this."

Somewhere in the back of her head she knew what Clarke was saying was true. She knew it wasn't _her_ fault. This was just the reality of their situation. Somewhere in her subconscious mind she knew Lexa made her choice but the alcohol wasn't exactly helping her see it. "I'm not ashamed Clarke."

"Good. Then stop looking so down and enjoy yourself. When's the last time you had this much to drink?" Clarke smiled slightly, nudging Anya a bit.

Anya had been lost in her own thoughts and missed the majority of what Clarke had said, her ears only perking up when she heard 'drink'. "Yes! I do want another drink!"

Clarke rolled her eyes but let out a small chuckle. "Alright, you enjoy yourself, but not too much." She finished her mug and placed it on the bar top. Before leaving, she stood and leaned over, whispering in Anya's ear. "I'll be waiting for you in your room later." With a small wink Clarke walked back out the door and into the fresh air again.

~

Clarke walked at a fast pace along the streets and through the market as most of the merchants were packing up for the day. She passed by the workshop and paused for a moment, the way both Anya and Raven were upset washed over her and she knew she had to find Lexa. Clarke took off again heading towards the tower when she spotted the Commander just outside the building.

Lexa had just finished speaking to the guards before Clarke walked up. She really wanted to just go upstairs and lay down but with the way she was walking Lexa knew Clarke was coming for her.

Clarke stepped into Lexa's personal space, her jaw clenched so tight it was almost painful. Her nostrils were flared and eyes blazing. Clarke was pissed but she still knew better than to make a scene in public. "Can we talk? In private."

"Of course, where would you like to?" Lexa cocked her head to the side. She wouldn't let Clarke's displeasure get to her.

"The war room is fine." Clarke knew nothing good could come of them being in the elevator for an extended period of time. The war room was on the bottom floor and she brushed passed Lexa and headed into the building not waiting to be followed.

Lexa followed quickly, sealing the doors behind her. "Now, you wished to speak with me? About what exactly?"

Clarke waited until she heard Lexa close the door and walk a little further into the room. She rounded on her, eyes still blazing and jaw clenched until she spoke while walking her backwards. "What the hell is wrong with you Lexa? Please, do tell me what the hell you were thinking…or was it just _all_ about you again?"

"I have no clue what you're talking about Clarke." Lexa kept the distance between her until she bumped into a table, her hands flying down to brace herself. The feeling was oddly familiar and she wished it didn’t feel like that.

Clarke stood there, toe to toe, with the Leader of the 13 Clans pinned against a table the same way she had done to her nearly a year ago. She stared at her, jaw shifting from side to side for a few seconds. "Don't play dumb, not with me. You know _exactly_ what you did."

"And? I showed Anya exactly what _she_ had done. I don't think she truly understood until today."

" _You_ can’t handle the choice _you_ made. And now everyone else has to pay for it?" Clarke took a few steadying breaths, trying to keep herself as calm as possible.

"I know the choice I made. The repercussions were far greater than what I thought." Lexa didn't back down, her back still straight as she looked at Clarke straight in the eye.

"And you're too _weak_ to tell her that. Too _weak_ to admit it." Clarke kept her eyes trained on the green ones before her, swallowing down the acid burning in her belly after seeing both Anya and Raven upset.

"I don't want to hurt her. I'd rather hold the entire weight of this on my shoulders than give her even a small piece of it."

Clarke took a few steps back after realizing there was really nothing that she could say to get Lexa to see just how much damage _she_ has caused. "The only thing on your shoulders is your fear of losing her to me. And the rest is cast off to Anya."

"In that sense you're right. I'm _terrified_ of losing her. When I saw you two today, I saw how happy she was. I haven't seen that since before you two. In Arkadia. I just don't want to lose her." Lexa could feel her shoulders fall, eyes falling to the floor.

"Then trust her…Because if you keep acting like this-" Clarke walked back to the door, her hand just about to turn the knob as she looked back to the girl. "-you will."

"Wait, Clarke..." Lexa turned toward her, waiting for the girl to stop.

Wordlessly, Clarke turned back to face her. She felt the ache deep down inside before Lexa said anything else.

"What you said-about how you'd rather break it off with Raven before I would have to-do you still stand by that?"

Clarke was barely able to keep from spilling the contents of her stomach when the words reached her ears. She let out a shaky breath, her mouth opening and shutting a few times but she couldn't get the words out so she nodded once.

"Alright...not now. But if I need to..." Lexa turned away, her back to the door. She couldn't let Clarke see the emotion break on her face.

Clarke turned towards the door, angry words and insults begging to be shouted. She knew, without a doubt, that would only make this worse. Opening the door, Clarke stepped out and tested against it as it shut, a heavy breath spilling from her lips. She took a minute then headed to the stairwell to make the trek up the couple of flights to Anya's room.

~

After the confrontation with Clarke, Lexa was frazzled. She was upset at both her and Anya for attacking her outright, but Clarke's words had left her head spinning as she traveled up the lift, getting out and walking to her room. All she really wanted to do right now was sit and relax, but upon seeing Raven as she entered the room, she knew something was amiss.

Raven was sat on the couch, thigh pressed into the side and elbow leaning onto the arm. Her head was resting on a closed fist, lips smashed into her knuckles. When the door clicked closed behind Lexa she took in a heavy breath and huffed it back out through her nose making no attempt to stand or greet the girl.

"Don't tell me you're upset too." Lexa sighed, running a hand over her face as she leaned back against the door, crossing her arms. "I've already heard it from the other two. I can't do you as well."

"I wasn't aware that you got to pick and choose who was upset too…so do you feel good about what you did? Proud of yourself?" Raven sat forward on the couch, both elbows digging into her legs.

"What does it matter? I did what I thought was right. Why do you feel the need to question my decisions?" Lexa didn't move from the door, but had now turned her attention to look over at the girl, waiting for a response.

Raven's eyes widened with what she heard. She shot to her feet with such speed that the piercing pain in her leg almost made her sit back down but she shoved the ache down and made her way to the middle of the room, closer to the door and Lexa. "Your decisions?! Since when do you get to decide- You felt that putting _me_ on display was the right thing?"

"I felt that the _pain_ I feel by seeing you two should not be only felt by me! This was Anya's idea and she needed to see just how much I end up hurting!" Lexa took a few steps forward, shoulders back and fists clenched.

Raven swiped a hand down over her face and grunted. "This was _your_ idea! _You_ brought this up not me. So what- now that you can't handle it everyone else gets to pay for it?"

"I never thought it would hurt me this much...you know what? I'm not doing this right now. I'm going for a walk, let you cool down in the meantime." Lexa turned back toward the door, taking a few steps.

"You don't get to keep walking away like this. If you leave, walk out that door again…I don't think I'll be here when you come back." Raven stood there, hands hanging loosely at her sides.

Lexa stopped, her fists clenched again. She could feel her nails digging into the skin as she turned back around. "This is why I was hesitant of all this. I knew there were so many ways that I could lose you..."

Raven threw her hands up in exasperation, even more irritated than she had originally been. "What kind of fucked up thinking is that? You're not losing me to Clarke but there is a real strong possibility that you could lose me because of what _you're_ doing.”

"I'm trying to find a way that this all works except for the fact that it feels like I've been stabbed through the heart when I see how happy you are with her. And not with me anymore."

"You could have _talked_ to me! Told me this instead of pushing me towards Clarke while insisting everything was gonna be okay. Do you have any regard for the people around you? Or is it always all about just you?" Raven knew her words had a little more bite than was necessary but stood her ground and stared at the brunette.

"I've always cared about you more. Always. I try to always do what's best for _you_. This time, for once, I wanted to do what would be best for _me_. Don't I deserve that at least?" Lexa's voice was dangerously quiet. Raven's words were starting to sink in but she was in too deep to pull out of this argument now.

Raven turned her back to Lexa, her eyes falling on the bed. She thought back to what had happened the night before and grunted. "What _you_ deserve?! Oh right, what's best for you…is this the part where you take me to bed and tie me to it so you can fuck me until _you're_ satisfied?"

"You're the one that _lets_ me do that. _Encourages_ me to." Lexa snapped. She didn't want to snap but the words were cutting into her.

Raven spun around to face her, took the few large steps so she was closer. "Not when you're trying to prove who can fuck me better or harder. And that's what you are making this into…Do I look happy to you right now?"

"You haven't looked happy in a while. You looked happier with Clarke today than me since you went back to Arkadia." Lexa stood tall, not letting Raven scare her.

"So in an effort to make me happy, which I already was, but you decide to offer me the option of exploring my feelings for Clarke, suggesting this open relationship. Then you _see_ me with her and I'm happy and…What were you expecting, Lexa?"

"I didn't expect it to feel like you were ripping my heart out of my chest. It _hurt_ to see you happier with her." Lexa's green eyes bore down into the brown ones.

"Maybe we should handle things your way then." Raven growled out then surged forward smashing her lips down on the girl's perfectly plump pair. She bit her bottom lip and slid her tongue into Lexa's mouth without waiting for permission.

Lexa was not expecting this, but the moan she let out felt like it was built up inside her forever. She pushed back against Raven, her own tongue fighting its way into Raven's mouth, soothing her swollen lip as it slipped by.

Raven tangled the fingers of one hand in the long dark braids, being anything but gentle. Her other hand found its way up under Lexa's shirt after undoing the clasp of her pauldron. She scratched a path across her abs digging in hard enough to have left marks. "Maybe I should fuck _you_ until I'm satisfied and exhausted." She grunted out between kisses and bites.

Lexa didn't bother responding, only letting the pauldron fall to the floor with a loud thud. Her hands found their way to Raven's hips, thumbs digging into the skin as she nipped at Raven's bottom lip, silencing the girl.

Raven let the hand in Lexa's hair dropped down to the hem of her shirt. She took hold and yanked it up and off the girl's body, tossing away. She reattached their lips not giving Lexa enough time to think about what was happening. Raven had spun the girl so her back was facing the bed and she was being walked back towards it.

Lexa shuffled backward, not wanting to run into anything in the way. She felt as though the bed was a mile away as she just wanted Raven to push her down on it already.

Raven turned Lexa so she was facing the bed and headboard. She placed nips and bites down her neck to her shoulder while she went to work on tugging Lexa's bindings free from her body, tossing that away as well. She moved one hand back up into her hair, grabbing a handful and tugging her head to the side, licking a path up to her ear. The other hand squeezed and palmed the girl's breasts, groaning and grinding her hips into Lexa's ass. "Tell me this is okay." Raven hissed into her ear, still needing to have consent.

"I would have already told you to stop if it wasn't." Lexa practically growled out the words as she let the pain turn into the pleasure she craved. She ground her ass back against her hips, only reaffirming how okay she was.

After pinching and twisting both of the warrior's nipples, Raven raked her nails up her neck to her mouth. She traced her lips with a thumb then dipped it into her mouth, pressing in as far as she could. At the same time she undid the buckles and button of Lexa's pants and pulled the zipper down but cupped her over the material.

Every pinch or scratch sent waves of pleasure to her core. When Raven finally touched her, Lexa couldn't help but buck her hips forward, a moan slipping out around Raven’s thumb, which had taken root in her mouth and over most of her tongue.

Raven traced her fingers along Lexa's folds, pressing up into her core over her pants. She kept her fingers moving and prodding wanting to work her up to the point of aching. When she was certain Lexa was throbbing, Raven pulled away and took a step backwards. "Take the rest off.”

Lexa whined, the loss of contact making her throb even more. She quickly stripped the rest of her clothing off, waiting for Raven's next move.

Raven tugged her own shirt up over her head and tossed it into the growing pile. She scanned the room, her eyes landing on the item she was looking for. "I want you to bend over…hands flat on the bed, but stay standing." She scooped up the strap on that was on the table beside the bed and pulled it up over her boots, brace and pants. After tugging it and tightening it into place, Raven bent down behind Lexa. She pressed her face between her thighs and dragged her tongue through her folds.

Lexa thought her knees would buckle at the feeling of Raven's tongue sliding through her wet folds. She let out a moan, her hands gripping the sheets. "More, _beja_."

Raven kept dragging her tongue from Lexa's clit back to her entrance and a little further back, teasing her. She lined up two fingers and pushed in hard and fast, starting up a steady pace and curling her fingers against her front wall. She continued to flick her tongue through her folds, moaning and lapping up the familiar taste.

Lexa couldn't hold back her moans now as she felt herself rapidly approaching the edge. "Another...one more finger." Lexa's eyes were closed as she was practically panting.

Raven turned her head and nipped the tender flesh of Lexa's inner thigh. She sucked then soothes over the spots with her tongue as she slid in a third finger. She pumped all three in and out two times then stilled then knuckle deep not even curling them.

Another whine came from Lexa throat as the movements stopped. She knew what was coming but at the same time she didn't want this to stop. Instead she bit down hard on her lip, the anticipation getting to be too much.

"Turn around…I want you to watch." Raven had pulled her fingers from Lexa's dripping heat, bringing them up to her mouth and sucking them clean one by one.

Lexa stood and turned, watching each finger slide in and then pop out of her mouth. She whimpered, the loss of her fingers finally registering.

Raven brought both hands up to Lexa's shoulders, massaging her rubbing into muscles. "Are you aching? Clit throbbing and pounding?" She leaned down taking a nipple into her mouth, flicking it with her tongue until it was rock hard then switched doing the same with the other.

"Raven... _beja_..." Lexa was begging at this point. She needed some relief soon, and Raven's tongue on her nipples wasn't helping.

Raven grinned around a mouth full of breast and nipple, hearing the girl beg. She was still waiting for her to notice exactly which dildo she was wearing, knowing it would be the first time Lexa took this size. She pulled away from her nipple with a soft pop, stood straight up. Her anger had since faded away but she still intended so fuck the brunette until she ached.

"Raven, just _please_ fuck me already!" Lexa grabbed her shoulders, hoping that her begging would help. She didn't care about anything except getting down on the bed right now.

Raven spun the girl again and pushed her forward so her hands were back on the bed. She positioned her so one foot was still on the floor and one knee was on the bed, legs spread far enough so she could slip between them. She grabbed hold of the thick shaft and pressed it through her folds gathering juices. Raven pulled back then pushed forward again to slide the head around Lexa's clit. She did it again and again watching the girl's muscled twitch and ripple down her neck and back.

Lexa hadn't realized exactly _which one_ Raven grabbed, but she knew when it slipped through her folds. She bit her lip, knowing the stretch would be coming. Each twitch and ripple went down her back, straight to her core in anticipation.

Raven was starting to shake with the effort of holding back and not just slamming into her waiting and warm center. She kept her hips rolling, the length still gliding through her folds and head still working over her clit. Raven placed a few soft kisses in the center of Lexa's back. She kissed her way up to her neck, around to her ear tugging it with her teeth. "Take in a deep breath…" She waited a beat then positioned the dildo and slid in two inches.

Lexa hissed at the feeling of being stretched so far. " _Fuck_...give it a minute..." Her breaths were shallow as she got used to the feeling before nodding ever so slightly.

In one fluid motion Raven buried the full length into Lexa's tight core. She placed her hands on either side of her ribs, thumbs rubbing calming circles into the flushed skin and held still. "I hope you're ready for this…"

Lexa only whimpered in response, her head hanging down toward the bed, eyes squeezed shut. Her breaths were heavy as she waited for the pain to subside.

Raven pulled back so slow it made her groan with anticipation. She held there with just the tip left inside then snapped her hips forward. She pulled back again but much faster then slid back in achingly slow. She kept doing this. Alternating between hard and fast. Slow and easy. Two times hard, once slow. Not giving Lexa a chance to get used to.

"Raven!" All Lexa could get out was the cry. Each fast thrust in hurt then soothed over to an ache with the slow thrust. She could feel herself building but the erratic pattern wasn't helping to push her over.

Raven kept doing the same thing. She alternated the hard and soft thrusts. Slow and fast snaps of her hips. "I left my brace on for a reason, you know. I can keep this pace up all night."

"Please..." Lexa choked the words out, hands having a white-knuckle grip on the furs. She didn't know how much longer this would take.

Watching Lexa's body writhe in front of her had Raven's own body aching and core clenching around nothing. She pushed into the girl harder than she had been and stilled again and gripped her hips tight. She pulled out once more than started up a faster steady pace, aiming for the place inside of her that make her come undone.

Lexa was glad her arms decided to give out so she could scream out into the furs. Each thrust hit that exact spot in her that made her see stars behind her eyelids as she clenched around the appendage, whimpering as the waves crashed into her full force.

Raven maintained the fast pace, slamming into Lexa and not giving her a chance to come down from her high. She swiped a finger down through the girl's folds then brought her hand up and around, pushing it between her lips, offering her a taste of herself. "Rub your clit for me and I want to hear you..."

Lexa's arm was shaking as she reached up touch herself. She couldn't make a sound though, every cry and moan coming out strangled at this point. It didn't take long to fall over the edge again.

Raven pulled completely out of Lexa and nudged her forward onto her back. She climbed up onto the bed, settling between the brunette's legs and eased herself back into her. Her hands had come to rest on either side of Lexa's head and she held herself there just watching as she built her back up again. "One more so I can see it this time, Lex."

"I..." Lexa couldn't form words. Her voice was hoarse, her arms and legs ached, and she felt like she was slowly being ripped in half. At this point she hoped the next wave would knock her out so she didn't have to feel any of it.

Raven settled her full weight down on Lexa. She continued to thrust and roll her hips but much slower while she kissed lines across her jaw and neck. She buried her face in the dark and sweat soaked hair, her lips hovering near her ear. "I love you more than anything or anyone, Lex."

Lexa's eyes were closed as she nodded. Everything felt much more pleasant now, with the slow roll that was building her up again. Everything ached, but she could forget about that until later, once they were done.

Raven continued to murmur into Lexa's ear. She moaned softly and took the lobe between her lips, sucking it and letting it slip from her grasp. Her hips were a little more erratic then before but she kept her pace refusing to stop until Lexa fell over one more time.

As she slowly approached the edge again, Lexa began to whimper. It almost felt like it was too much, like she would just break, but it didn't stop. She tumbled over with a silent scream, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes.

Raven was quick to kiss all over her face when she felt her tremble and fall again. She wiped away some of her tears and murmured more _'I love you's'_. She pulled the dildo out as slow and gentle as she could but remained laid out on top of her. Pushing a few sweaty strands of hair aside, Raven just looked at her. It was one of the first times she had ever been to open and vulnerable and it made her want to stay there and never move. "Did I hurt you?"

"It hurts...a little bit..." Lexa gulped in large breaths of air as she slowly came back down. She knew everything ached but laying here under Raven made everything feel better than it did.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have- without making sure you were ready for it..." Raven rolled off to the side, landing on her back with a groan.

"Shh, Raven." Lexa rolled over next to her. "I knew it would a little bit. You just went a bit too rough. It's okay though." She placed a hand on the girl's bare stomach, one of the only places currently where her skin was exposed. "How about we just go relax in the bath?"

Raven let her head fall to the side, eyes a mixture of too many emotions as she scanned Lexa's green pair. The feel of her hand on her belly had a calming effect on Raven making her moan out softly as she exhaled. "How could I say no to that?"

"Here, you've done a lot of work _ai hodnes_. Let me undress you?" Lexa leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Raven's lips, a small smile appearing on her face.

Raven let out another soft moan at the thought of being undressed. She hadn't felt it at the time but the energy she had put into fucking Lexa took a lot out of her. There was a continuous pain shooting down her leg and her back felt tighter than usual. "Again…there is no way I could say no to that right now."

"Then just relax for now." Lexa leaned over and unbuckled the harness from Raven, pulling it off and tossing it to the side. She slowly climbed on top of the girl, straddling her hips as her hands slipped around the girl's back, fumbling with the clasp.

Raven runs her fingers down the scarred and imperfectly perfect skin of Lexa's back. She closes her eyes and lets her fingertips drink every mark, every notch of her spine. Her back arches out of instinct when she feels Lexa reaching beneath her and another soft sigh escapes her lips.

Lexa held back a growl of frustration as her hands slipped on the clasp, the hooks staying in place. Instead, she reached up and pulled a dagger out of one of the cutouts on the headboard. She pressed her forehead against the girl's, green eyes staring into brown, as she gently slid the cool metal up in between her breasts and then pulled, the fabric tearing and falling from the blade.

Raven had her hands resting high up on the girl's hips, rubbing and tracing words and shapes. She had closed her eyes and was still trying to relax her body when she felt the pressure against her forehead. Eyes fluttering open, Raven had been half way to a smile spreading across her face when she caught a glimpse of the shiny metal of the dagger. She sucked in a breath and gripped Lexa's hips before relaxing when the material was sliced in half. " _Fuuck_ Lex…"

"Was that okay? I should've asked before..." Lexa tucked the blade away, her hand cupping the girl's cheek. She pressed another soft kiss to her lips as her free hand peeled away the remains of fabric from her chest.

"I'm not sure that I should be as turned on as I am right now." Raven rolled her hips in an effort to gain more contact. She kept her hands on the girl's hips trying to hold her tight against her body. "That was very okay."

"Oh...alright. Good." Lexa smiled slightly as she separated their bodies, reaching down to unbutton her pants. She sat back up on her heels to unbuckle the brace, easing it off her leg.

"Uuugh… _finally_." Raven exhaled a long steady stream when she felt the tight clamp around her calf loosen and fall away. She really was just a mess of groans and whimpers as her body continued to relax and ease further into the furs.

Lexa reached down, sliding her pants down as well as her underwear. Her hands went straight to the girl's calf, gently massaging the muscle where the brace had dug into her.

Raven sat up on her elbows, eyes shining and taking in every single move Lexa made. The way the Commander's fingers worked into her leg, massaged her calf, Raven could have cried from the temporary relief.

Lexa slowly worked her fingers over the area then stood. "Wait here, I'll go run the bath." She carefully walked over to the bathroom, not wanting Raven to see just how bad the ache was between her legs. As she let the water run and steam, she went over to the small shelf, selecting out the oils Raven tended to choose. She added several drops into the water, the aromas spreading around the room as quickly as the steam. She turned the water off once the tub was filled and walked back out into the bedroom and back to the bed, scooping Raven up into her arms and carrying her to the tub. Lexa gently placed her down then climbed in, standing and holding out a hand to help her in.

Raven had fallen back into the bed when the girl walked away to run the water for the bath. She closed her eyes, not realizing she had dozed until she felt Lexa's arms around her lifting her up off the furs. Raven slung one arm around her neck, leaned in and kissed her cheek. She pulled back after a second, her eyes looking into Lexa's and sighed happy and content to be in her arms until she felt her body tip and settle back onto her feet. She took the hand offered to her and stepped in waiting for the girl to sit.

Lexa sat down, gently helping the girl down in between her legs, Raven's back against her front. She nudged the girl, leaning her forward so Lexa could get her hands up to her shoulders, thumbs working at the muscles to relax them. She reached for the one bottle of oil she had left next to the table and put a tiny bit in her hand, rubbing it into her skin to help relax her.

Raven felt like she had been moaning and whimpering with every little touch from Lexa. The way the warrior's fingers rubbed and dug into the tight muscles along her neck and back had her breathing just a little bit easier. "That feels so good- yours hands…I could stay like this all night."

"If I could, then I would also. But I think eventually my arms would be too tired." Lexa leaned forward and kissed Raven right where the curve of her neck dipped into her shoulder. "I love you more than anything. I don't think you could ever know how much I love you."

A shiver ran down Raven's back starting from where Lexa's lips pressed into her skin. Her heart started to race and she twisted around only far enough to peer at the green eyes girl. "Lex..I love you too." Raven leaned in and slid their lips together in a soft kiss. "More than I know how to show you sometimes."

Lexa smiled as she pulled away from the kiss, her hands sliding down to Raven's hips. One hand slid across the soft skin of her belly as she rested her chin gently on the girl's shoulder.

Raven let her own head fall back onto the girl's shoulder. "I _am_ happy with you, Lex. I don't want you to think that I’m not." She said as her body relaxed into the body behind her. Her hands slide through the water down Lexa's thighs to ankles and back again. The feeling of her wet and soft skin starting to make her heart rate kick up a notch.

"I couldn't be happier with anyone else." Lexa turned her head to the side and placed a line of gentle kisses from Raven's temple, down her cheek and jaw. Her hand slipped lower in the water, one finger running between the girl's folds.

"I hope _shit_ …you always feel that way." Raven knew she had been aching and throbbing on and off since she had taken Lexa just a little while earlier. She knew her body core had been in need of some attention but she didn't know exactly how much until she felt the first pass through her folds. Her head pressed further back onto the brunette's shoulder, she gasped and was moaning with more urgency.

Lexa could feel exactly how wet she was, and it wasn't because of the water. She slowly slid two fingers into the girl, curling them inside slowly as her thumb found its way to her clit. Her thumb moved in slow circles, not teasingly slow, but enough to build her up slowly. Her other hand slid up the girl's body, palming her breast and pinching at the nipple.

Raven lifted one arm up out of the water and slung it back behind her into the tangles of dark hair then down to her neck where she let her nails dig in. Her back arched up into the Lexa's hand and she started to cant her hips and match the pace she was setting. "More Lex, I need more."

"Tell me what you want _ai_ _hodnes_..." Lexa kissed another line down her shoulder, her thumb continuing its pace as her fingers curled inside her.

"Harder. I need you to go _harder_." Raven panted out. She felt that familiar heat in the pit of her belly, that burning feeling that starting in her neck and raced all the way down to her toes making them curl.

Lexa obliged, her thumb pressing harder onto the swollen bud. Her fingers pressed down onto the spongy patch with every curl, her nails gently scratching at it as she nipped at the skin on her neck now.

"More…please more." Raven had expected her to increase her speed as well but had her words cut off when she hit a spot that made her eyes roll back in her head. She gripped her nails harder into Lexa's neck, teeth biting down hard on her bottom lip and whimpers spilling out.

"Just let it all out for me _ai_ _hodnes_...I want all of it." Lexa flinched slightly as the feeling of Raven's nails digging into her skin but she put that aside as she tried to coax the orgasm out of the girl.

Raven's entire body went stiff, toes curled and head pushed back as far as it would go on Lexa's shoulder. All at once she tumbled over the edge with soft cries of Lexa's name on her tongue while she professed her love for the girl again and again.

Lexa's hand did not stop its movements. It pushed her through the orgasm and straight towards a second. She turned her head and placed yet another gentle kiss on Raven's cheek.

Raven had sucked in a large breath as her first orgasm started to subside only to be pushed right into her second. She loosened her grip on Lexa's neck, her hand moving to the lip of the tub where she held on like she would float away. The easy pace that was set a as just slow enough to keep her body crashing but not come down. Raven turned her head, eyes shut tight and lips in search of the pair she knew were just within reach. "I don’t think I have any more left in me, Lex."

"Just one more _ai_ _hodnes_?" Lexa moved her lips onto Raven's, kissing her deeply as her hand continued, not slowing or letting up on her. Her other hand went back to palming her breast and kneading at the soft skin.

Raven mewled as her body tensed again from head to toe. The muscles in her stomach started to spasm and her thighs quivered as the last orgasm raced throughout her body. She reattached their lips, seeking that last bit of reassurance that from her and she trembled against the girls chest as she rode the last of the waves.

Lexa's hands slowed as Raven came down from the high. She kept peppering her cheek with kisses as her hands moved along her body, massaging and relaxing all of the muscles along the way.

Raven swallowed hard and let out a little laugh when she finally came to rest without shaking against the girl. She moved her hands back into the water, her fingers walking their way down her legs and back up again. "I'm pretty sure you broke me…I can't feel my legs."

"That's fine...I can carry you around." Lexa smiled, placing one final kiss against her cheek. She wrapped her arms around the girl's waist and pulled her in closer.

Raven kept her head turned, pushing her face into Lexa's neck. Her eyes opened and closed while she tried to come back down to reality. "Right now I'd let you…and bonus, I'm not in pain." She said, her words muffled as she kissed the wet and soft flesh.

"That's good...I'm glad you're feeling good." Lexa smiled, leaning into the girl, feeling the warm skin against her. This was probably the most relaxed she had been all day.

"I promise you…this- us. This is exactly where I want to be. Here, with you." Raven continued to kiss along the sensitive skin of Lexa's neck up to ear, tugging the lobe between her teeth then letting it slip away.

"I want this. I want _all_ of this. Us. Everything we have." Lexa sighed, relaxing into the water. Her arms tightened around the girl again, holding her as close as she could.

"Are you sure… _all_?" Raven tried to stress the word hoping Lexa understood. "Because if we need to talk more about… _things_ …I want us to be able to do that."

"I told you I would give this a try. I haven't been fair since we started...let's call this a do-over, okay? We'll talk if we need to." Lexa turned and pressed a kiss to her lips, hand coming up to cup her cheek.

With that said, the last little bit of tension that had been leftover from the day’s events melted away from Raven's body and mind. "Hmm if you're lucky…I'll let you take me to bed _and_ let you kiss me for as long as you want." Raven had hummed between soft kisses and light peck

"That sounds like a great idea. Would you like to head there now?" Lexa nuzzled her face into Raven's neck, breathing in the scent so familiar to her.

Raven squeaked out a laugh and couldn't hold back the smile that spread from ear to ear. Not that she wanted to. "Does this still involve me being carried because I can really get used to that from you. I can snap my fingers and you'll come running to carry me to your throne room where I can..." Raven sat forward but half turned her body so she could face the girl, a sheepish grin now playing on her lips.

"As long as the ambassadors are gone..." Lexa laughed then looked back at the girl. "Of course this involves me carrying you. You'll just have to dry off though."

Raven climbed up to her knees then her feet but kept a death grip to the rim of the tub. She mumbled about the practicality of showers and grumbled about the dangers of tubs as she stepped out. "These are not for people with lame legs!" She stood straight up grabbing two towels and waited for Lexa to join her.

"Well you said you would install a shower in here, maybe you should do it sooner rather than later." Lexa stood and stepped out, letting the water drain as she took a towel and wrapped it around herself. "Before we do go to bed...may I braid your hair again? They've fallen out and I like them there..."

"Still trying to convert me over to being a grounder?" Raven hummed and dropped her towel once she was dry enough. She bit her lip and watched every muscle stretch and flex as Lexa dried her body.

"Just trying to get you acclimated to life among the grounders in our capital." Lexa dropped the towel and walked over, scooping Raven up into her arms and walking her back into the room, placing her down on the bed.

"I'd let you braid my whole head if that was what you wanted." Raven wrapped her legs around Lexa's waist before she could move away. "Why don't you worry about braiding it later.. I'd much rather feel your hands in my hair for a while."

"I think that can be arranged." Lexa smiled and climbed down on top of her, pushing her back against the bed for a second and placing a quick kiss to her lips.


	65. Chapter 65

Anya made her way back through the Polis gates shortly before dawn. She'd left the tavern a few minutes after Clarke, heading for the one place she always felt at peace. She walked the forest for hours, hunting and clearing her mind of everything that had happened that day. She left her small kills with the guards instructing them to be given to various vendors to be skinned, cooked and shared with their people.

When Anya reached her door she clicked it open and shut it just as softly behind her in an effort to try and not wake up the younger blonde. Her armor and clothing fell from her body with soft thuds as she made her way to the bathroom. She had blood and dirt and everything else the forest offered up smeared on her face, under her nails and everywhere imaginable. She stood by the bathtub in only her bindings and shorts, waiting for the water to rise.

Clarke had heard the door click shut but didn't move. She waited until she heard the water of the bathtub to throw the covers off and slowly get up, bare feet padding to the bathroom and leaning against the doorframe.

"Clarke, I hadn't meant to wake you. Give me a moment to get cleaned up?" Anya had filled a bowl with some of the warming water and was wiping away some of the nights grime from her face and neck. She turned only far enough so a small part of her blood stained face could be seen in the fading candlelight.

"You're hurt. Let me help." Clarke stepped up and took the cloth from Anya's hand, slowly wiping away the blood and dirt from her skin. She dipped the cloth back in the water and continued the strokes. "Did you spend the night out in the woods?"

Anya still had moments where she felt cooped up or caged in by the Capitol walls and the night before was one of them. "Yes." She answered softly. "Just a few scratches, most likely not my blood. But I am not hurt."

"Let's get you cleaned up and in the bath so then you can lay down." Clarke wiped the last of the grime away and put the cloth down, waiting for Anya to finish undressing. She helped the older warrior into the tub, sitting down behind her and beginning to brush the leaves out of her hair.

"I cannot fight her on this Clarke. I was shocked that she had agreed in the first place. But she is Heda…" Anya reached for the second strip of cloth and scrubbed at the skin that was still dirty. Once Clarke had rid her hair of leaves and small twigs she dipped under and rinsed the rest of the debris away.

"She can be insufferable sometimes, but we'll figure this out together." Clarke took some of the soap into her hands and began to work it through the warrior's hair when she resurfaced.

"I believe it would be best to give her some time." The combination of the warm water and the way Clarke was working her fingers into Anya's scalp, she felt some of the stress and tension start to ease up. She groaned and let her head fall back allowing the girl to do her thing a little longer before dunking again to rinse.

"I think she'll eventually come to her senses, but this is quite different for her. For all of us really." Clarke rinsed her hands off and then wiped them on the towel, sitting back on the stool.

Anya finished up, stood and stepped out of the tub to dry off. Her body was still tight and sore from her night in the forest but she felt much calmer and cleaner. Anya glanced to the window then back to Clarke, a knowing grin spread across her face. "We have an hour…I think we should use it wisely."

"We could...did you sleep at all last night? Or are you full of energy from your romp in the woods?" Clarke smiled, arms wrapping around Anya's neck as the towel fell away from her.

"You do not need to worry about my level energy." Anya leaned in nipping a path from Clarke's chin to her neck. She buried her face there as she reached down and caught the girl behind her legs, lifting her so she could walk them to her bed.

~

The meeting later that morning was tense to say the least. Lexa heard almost nothing come from the mouths of the Skaikru ambassador and her Adviser. Once the meeting had ended they didn't stick around to talk. Lexa shook her head and sighed but then went back to speaking with another ambassador.

Clarke had left right away that morning. She didn't want to stay and have to face Lexa. She probably would've been sick if she did. She instead headed for the workshop, hoping to find Raven and head out on their planned trip.

Anya gave a respectful nod to the Commander before making her way out of the throne room a short while after Clarke. She made her way out of the tower and into the market stopping to talk with some of the vendors. After being offered tastes of what she had hunted, Anya weaved her way to the arena and sparring pits. She decided to spend the rest of her day there watching over the nightbloods and helping them to train if need be.

Lexa waited until the last of the ambassadors had left to exit the throne room. She had decided to head out to the sparring pits as well, stopping when she saw Anya sitting there. She still felt a bit of sympathy for the older warrior but didn't show it as she walked over to her.

Anya had been talking with a few of the warriors and trainers, discussing progress and who needed to focus more when she glanced up and saw Lexa walking towards her. While the meeting had been a bit more tense than necessary she was in no mood to have a repeat of the events of the previous day. " _Heda_.” She nodded again just as she turned on her heel to walk away.

"Anya, wait." Lexa used her name rather than her title to get her attention. She waited for the other warriors to leave before continuing. "I have to apologize for yesterday. It was uncalled for."

Anya felt as though her ears had betrayed her, making her hear things that were not actually spoken. She stood still and silent for a moment, collecting her thoughts and how to word them. She nodded again as she began to speak. "They love each other. You've seen them together…before any of this. They're gentle and soft with each other, in ways that our people and our culture is not."

"I didn't think it would hurt this much to see Raven happy with _her_." Lexa clenched her jaw then relaxed. "But I told Raven I would try. For her."

"I understand that. But I do think it's time to move from try to do. Even if you were to change your mind..." Anya waved her hand around cutting her own words off. "I've said all of that already. Nothing will change it."

"Like I told her, I'll give this another chance. I believe this time will be easier for me. She has reassured me on certain matters." Lexa turned her attention back to the arena, shaking her head at the sparring going on now. "I'm guessing these warriors haven't had much training. Should we show them how to properly fight?"

"With or without armor? Sticks, swords or hand to hand?" Anya's demeanor remained calm and passive as she ticked off her questions. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Clarke walking towards them. She gave the girl a slight shake of the head then motioned for her to sit. Her eyes moved back to Lexa waiting for her decision.

"The way we settle everything. Armor and swords of course." Lexa walked over and interrupted the training, the warriors leaving the pit as a few others brought over the armor and swords for them to use.

Anya quirked a brow but accepted the terms with a nod. "And here I thought I trained you better than that." She took a deep breath as she readied herself, securing her armor and testing the weight of her sword.

"Maybe you trained me a bit too well." Lexa smirked as she readied herself on her side of the pit.

Raven had made her way to the arena after hearing bits and pieces of conversation about the Commander as she exited the tower. She came up beside Clarke who was sitting both her jaw clenched and fisted balled up but her own eyes were glued to Lexa and the streaks of her black blood mixed with the crimson of Anya's. Her heart had begun to beat so hard she was sure that blonde could hear it. "What's- why are they? What the hell is going on Clarke?"

"They decided they were going to spar. This is round five so far. Neither is backing down." Clarke had wanted this to end after the first round when Anya landed on her back, but she had gotten up and kept going. Each clash of the swords made Clarke jump, just waiting for someone to end up on the ground not moving.

"You know damn well this isn't a friendly spar. I spent a lot of time here when I first came to Polis. I watched her train the nightbloods. Spar and practice with them most nights." Raven turned her back to the pit. Her stomach churned and flipped with every clank and slam of their blades. "Swords and armor are for matches with the potential of only one of them leaving the pits. I'm not watching this."

"This is different. I have seen them fight before. They don't spar with sticks." Clarke shook her head, eyes glued to the two of them.

Raven had already started to walk away. The acid rose until it burned the back of her throat and the sound of Heda being chanted nearly had her spilling her guts. She looked back at the blonde, annoyed with her as well. "The only difference is that they are swinging for each other’s necks this time."

Clarke had had enough. She stood and walked down the stands and over to the pit. "Stop!" She waited for the two to cease movements, chests heaving. Clarke couldn't bear it anymore, so she huffed and turned away, walking out of the training grounds and back toward the workshop.

Anya took a step back, her chest heaving and blood dripping from too many places to still consider this to be a friendly match. She saw the glint in the younger fighter’s eyes and knew this wouldn't end unless she conceded. She dropped her sword and gave a slight tip of her head. "I'm done. You win."

Raven stormed through the workshop door, slamming it shut behind her. She moved to the back around the corner and sat heavily on the cushioned bench that sat in the corner. It had taken her less than a minute to spot the way Lexa had regressed back to the way she had been the day before. She knew there was nothing friendly, there was no training happening during that spar and she wanted no part of it.

Lexa threw her sword at the ground and wiped at the trickle of black blood from her nostril before storming off, heading straight for the tower. She passed the workshop but made no effort to go see Raven yet. She had spotted her in the stands earlier and saw her leave just as quickly as she had arrived.

Anya waited until Lexa was out of sight before she bent down to pick up the discarded sword. She handed both swords to one of the trainers and let the extra armor fall to the ground. Her eyes quickly scanned the small crowd making sure Clarke hadn't come back then took off in the direction she had seen her leave. She caught sight of her just as she reached the workshop and called out to her.

Clarke's hand was practically on the handle of the door when she had heard Anya call for her. She was tempted to walk away, not even acknowledge her, but instead turned, crossing her arms and waiting for the warrior to speak.

Anya swiped an arm across her face, mopping up some of the blood and sweat. She came to a stop in front of Clarke but could find no words. Instead she motioned to the workshop door then turned to head towards one of the healer’s tents to have her wounds cleaned and bandaged up.

Clarke huffed and knocked at the workshop door. There was only one person she could talk to right now without snapping at them, and she hoped that person didn't lock the workshop door.

Raven sat on the bench contemplating ignoring the knocking. She hadn't locked it when she slammed it shut and figured whoever it was would walk in anyway. She stepped back to the door and pulled it open.

Clarke stood there surprised for a second before clearing her throat. "Can I come in with you?"

Raven held the door open a little wider, motioning for Clarke to walk in. She didn't close the door after she had passed, choosing to lean against the wall near the opening. The mix of emotions that were flowing through her kept her silent and waiting for the blonde to say something.

"I'm guessing you're even more pissed off than I am, right?" Clarke sat down on a stack of crates. "We have to do something about all of this."

"What do you suggest then? Because what I'm doing is clearly _not_ working." Raven tipped her head back to rest it against the wall. She let out a heavy breath and let her eyes slip closed.

"Sit them down in a room together. Give them an ultimatum. It's all I have left." Clarke sighed, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. "I really thought I made progress with Anya this morning but it all went down the drain now."

Raven's eyes snapped open, her head popped away from the wall. "What did Anya do?"

"Got drunk and spent the night in the woods, so I talked with her. We knew Lexa had gone over the line but we agreed to give her some time to figure this out, not try to kill her mentor. Anya shouldn't have let that go that far."

Raven worried at her bottom lip nearly chewing it raw. "I just…I don't see many options here, Clarke." She said, slow and soft. Her eyes closed again, head tipped back into the wall and a sinking feeling filling her insides.

"We'll work through this, alright? I promise you that I'll do everything in my power to get us through this." Clarke stood and took a few steps forward so she was in front of Raven, but not so close as to pin her against the wall.

"What if you can't? What if she just _can't_ handle this? How do I or what would we-" Raven knew who she would stay with. They both knew it but the thought of saying it out loud made her even sicker than she already felt.

"We'll figure this out." Clarke stepped forward, a hand cupping Raven's cheek, thumb lightly brushing the curve of her cheekbone. "Let me talk to Lexa alright? I'll talk with her."

Raven pressed her face into Clarke's hand trying to gain even the slightest bit of the tranquility the blonde seemed to possess. "Clarke…I don't really think that's a great idea let alone a good idea. You two don't exactly have a good history where I'm concerned." Raven's fingers came up to skim along and dip into the hollow of her neck.

"Just let me try okay? That's all I want, is to try." Clarke smiled slightly, the feeling of Raven leaning into her hand calming her as well.

Raven pressed her palm flat against Clarke's sternum, her thumb still lightly tracing the hollow. "She thinks I'll leave her. For you."

Clarke leaned forward and pressed her lips softly against the girls, trying to convey everything she couldn’t say.

Raven sighed softly into the kiss, her mouth opening just the slightest to allow Clarke's tongue to enter if she wanted. She slid her hand to the side, her fingers gripping the material of the girl's shirt at her shoulder. She knew what Clarke was doing, what she was saying. She knew why and it made all the difference as she calmed down.

Clarke slid her tongue in, reveling in the taste of the girl before breaking the kiss slightly. "Trust me, okay?"

Raven's hips jolted forward from the familiar yet new sensation. She nodded while pulling Clarke back into the kiss needing the connection just a little longer. When she was finally able to separate herself from the girl she still held close enough so their noses brushed and breath mingled. "I…I trust you. Just be careful."

"Of course I will." Clarke pressed one more light kiss to her lips before taking a step back.

A panicked feeling rushed through Raven at the loss of contact. She still had a hand on Clarke's shoulder trying to pull her back. "Now? You want to do it now?"

"Do you want me to stay for a little?" Clarke stepped forward, pressing herself against the girl.

Leaning in, Raven stopped just before she reconnected their lips. "Might be a good idea to let her calm down for a few more minutes."

"Well I have something better to do in those few minutes than talk to her." Clarke smiled as she closed the gap and pressed her lips to Raven's again.

Raven slipped her tongue into Clarke's mouth. She licked at the roof of her mouth and all over her tongue, savoring and memorizing her taste. Her hands crept up Clarke's back, kneading into the flesh under shirt just to feel her.

Clarke's moan was swallowed by Raven's tongue as she felt it exploring her mouth, her body pressed tightly against the girl's.

Raven pulled away only far enough to separate their lips. She held tight to Clarke, still breathing her in and drawing strength from their connection. "If you don't leave now I won't be able to stop."

"Do you really want me to stop?" Clarke grabbed another quick kiss before stepping back from the girl again. "I'll see you at some point, okay?"

Raven turned her head and huffed out. She let her hands drop down by her sides, holding them in fists only to prevent herself from grabbing the girl again. "Wanting you to stop…that's never really been something I've wanted, Clarke. Go…"

Clarke nodded and turned to walk out. She looked over her shoulder one last time before heading out of the workshop and turning toward the tower.

~

Clarke stood on the other side of Lexa's door, medical bag gripped in one hand and thoughts of Raven on her mind. She raised a hand to knock but thought better of it, not wanting to give Lexa the chance to slam the door in her face. She pushed her way through the door, eyes tracking the room for any sign of the Commander finding her near the open bank of windows across the room from a turned over table with a broken leg.

Lexa had been leaning against the wall for quite some time, her breathing still heavy from the sparring and table-flipping. She really had herself to blame for why she was so angry. Her promise to Raven was broken; she turned the relationship into a competition again. The blood from where Anya had caught her before had crusted over but she didn't even bother to wash it off. She barely noticed Clarke entering the room and didn't even look in her direction.

Clarke retrieved a bowl of water and a few strips of clean cloth, placing them of the table by the couch alongside her bag. She then walked over to Lexa with slow steps and careful breaths. Her nerves were frayed and mind was swimming with every bad outcome that could possibly happen but she kept moving forward. She took a hold of the warrior's hand and tugged as lightly as she could. "Sit? Let me clean you up?"

Lexa glanced up at the girl, almost tempted to pull away from the touch. She knew Clarke had gone to see Raven already and was most likely here because of that. She slowly followed her over to the couch, sitting down as Clarke grabbed the washcloth.

Clarke ran the wet cloth over her hands, front and back. All over her neck, side to side and down over the black streaked and exposed part of her chest. She took another clean cloth, wetting it and running it over her face, up along her hairline and ear to ear. She could see the hint of red rimming the girl's eyes but didn't comment just yet instead choosing to ask about other injuries. "Are there any more cuts? Anything I'm not seeing?"

"I'm not sure...I didn't feel many while fighting." Lexa shook her head, thinking back to the sparring. She had been in her element, so much so that the pain hasn't set in until she returned to her room.

"I imagine not." Clarke sighed out. "She defends you. Every time. No matter what happens." Clarke purposely didn't specify between Anya and Raven as both of them had done it.

"This time is different. This time I broke a promise. I don't think I can come back from this the same." Lexa dropped her head, staring at her now clean hands in her lap.

Clarke wiped the look of surprise from her face the second it appeared. She almost wasn't sure she was understanding Lexa correctly but she wanted to let her feel comfortable. "Tell me about it?"

"I told Raven I wouldn't make this a competition. I promised her. And I broke it today. In the pit with Anya, it felt exactly like a competition."

"Competition?" Clarke tried to make sense of what she was hearing but she just couldn't make the connection. "What do you mean by competition?"

"This relationship. My own nature is getting the best of me and I keep competing to win her over, though my brain knows I don't need to in order to keep her." Lexa looked up at the blonde. "How do I fix this?"

Clarke tilted her head forward, eyes downcast. "Tell her you'd do absolutely anything for her. Tell her you're sorry and let her see it. Tell you'd do anything to make her happy because seeing her happy- her smile…it makes every single thing worth it."

"I try. I try so hard, but that smile comes out for you more. I saw it yesterday, and I want it back." Lexa shook her head, staring off toward the balcony.

"I'm not about to feel bad because I make her smile, Lexa. You keep saying you've made up your mind and that you want to make her happy. Maybe you _stop_ punishing her and everyone else around you when you see her happy."

"Then how do I do that? I've tried everything and I can't anymore..." Lexa clenched her jaw, blinking back the new set of tears.

"You need to get a grip." Clarke moved to her feet not really wanting to indulge her pity party. "You make decisions all the time that you have to stick to and honor. This should be no different."

"All of those have been easy. This one is a challenge..." Lexa sighed, running a hand over her face.

"Lexa...I am right here telling you I don't want to take her away from you. I've never wanted that. I do love her…but I know who she _needs_. "

"I know. I know all that but still I can't change what I'm doing..."

"You can't? Hmm...Okay then let's look at this a little differently?" Clarke sat herself down on the small table that ran the length of the couch. She wiped away a small trickle of black blood from her neck then took a moment to gather her thoughts so they made sense.

"How so?" Lexa turned to look at her, questioning Clarke's intentions.

"Maybe you need to be reminded who exactly Raven is. Who she was before she came to Polis...because if you can't figure out how to change what you're doing then maybe you don't deserve her."

"What? I know exactly who she is..." Lexa stood from the couch, almost defensive at the implications.

"Oh really?" Clarke stood and stalked off in pursuit of the girl. "Tell me what the last time it was that you traced the small yet very fucking visible and prominent scars under her arms in a way that shows some sort of remorse for your actions? Even if it _is_ what your people do?"

Lexa stopped, head slowly turning and looking over her shoulder, teeth gritted and jaw clenched hard. "We do _not_ mention that."

"Yeah…That's exactly what I had thought. You know what, screw you Lexa. She has managed to fall for you in spite of that and yet you can't find it within your self-righteous self to ease some of the pain she carries from that."

Lexa turned quickly, backing Clarke up as she spoke. "You think that _I_ don't think about that? That it doesn't cross my mind every time those scars catch my eye? That _every_ single time I think that I could've killed the best thing to happen to me before it started? You're wrong Clarke. I don't bring it up so that I don't bring back those memories and hurt her again."

Clarke had stood her ground until Lexa was practically stepping on her feet. She backed up avoiding the scattered mess of things from the overturned table until her back came in contact with the wall. "And here we are again, and how it really is all about _you_ and how _you_ don't want the reminder."

"I don't want _her_ to remember. I am reminded of all my actions every day." Lexa was practically growling at this point, her face as close as it could be to Clarke's without touching it.

Clarke couldn't hide the look of horror that covered her face from what she was hearing. "I can't believe I begged her to let me talk to you. Even after last night and the way you tried to hold over my head the fact that I would do _anything_ for her…"

"Enough." Lexa walked away from Clarke, back turned to her. "I refuse to hear any more of this."

"Don't come to me when you lose her." Clarke pushed off from the wall taking large steps back to the table with her bag. She pulled out a small bottle of ointment for the nicks and cuts to leave behind.

"I won't lose her. I'll do everything I can not to." Lexa shook her head, back still turned to Clarke.

"You can't even find it within yourself to show remorse for long enough to have it be believable." With her medical bag in hand, Clarke made her way back to the door. With her hand on the handle she looked back over shoulder in the direction of the Commander. "Every single time something has come up that has left her upset or crying or panicked…I pushed her back to you…urged her to give you a chance to make it right. I kept assuring her that you loved her. I won't make that mistake again."

"No, _I_ won't make that mistake again. I won't upset her." Lexa sat on the couch, watching Clarke at the door now.

"You keep saying that..." Clarke turned her body just enough so she was facing the couch. "In the last two days you decided that you would let someone violate her privacy. You _set_ _up_ a situation where someone would see her in a compromising position...and you were _proud_ of yourself. Let's skip over what you said to me and go to whatever bullshit poor me story you got her to believe. Obviously is was something good because I noticed the new braids. Then today she finds you sparring. Both of you bleeding because _you_ can't get control of your temper. So _excuse_ _me_ if I don't believe you won't upset her again."

"I can see it was not the best decisions the past few days, but I can change that. I may be stubborn, Clarke, but I can also listen very well. I've heard everything you've said."

Clarke glanced to the side spotting a familiar looking box pushed up against the wall. She did a double take looking at Lexa then back to the box with its contents still packed in it. "Did you even ask her to stay or make any effort in making this feel like home to her?"

"I've tried. I don't know what she thinks, but I've tried to make this as much of a home to her as Arkadia was." Lexa looked down at her lap. "I want her to love it here enough to persuade her to stay.”

"If you really knew her or understood her you would know it has nothing to do with the _actual_ _place_ and everything to do with _who_ is in that place."

"Then what do I need to do Clarke? Because apparently you think I'm doing everything wrong."

Clarke took in a large gulp of air then let it out as she made her way back to the couch. She dropped the bag down and sat in the table, their knees close to touching. "Talk to her Lexa, like she's your equal. Tell her you love her. Tell her that _and_ show her. Make her feel safe. She needs that. You need to be her home Lexa, not Polis. You."

Lexa watched the blonde for a second, then nodded. She knew everything Clarke had said was in the best of intentions no matter how much it had stung her. "Alright..."

"She's in her workshop." Clarke motioned with her head towards the door. "I'll turn the table back over before I leave."

"Thank you." Lexa stood and walked toward the door, looking over her shoulder one last time before leaving and heading outside.


	66. Chapter 66

Once Lexa had left the tower she beelined toward the workshop, intent on finding Raven before she had the chance to run off on her own. She passed Anya, who had just emerged from one of the healer's huts, but made no acknowledgment of her. They could settle their feud later.

Lexa stopped outside the metal door, unsure of whether she should just walk right in or not. Instead, she knocked and waited, the knot in the pit of her stomach only increasing her worry that Raven wouldn't be there.

Raven had been pacing and circling the small workspace from the moment Clarke had pulled her lips away and left. She knew there was a chance that everything could change, that all that had happened the past few days could stop. There was this gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach that she needed to breathe. She would never deny that she loved Clarke but it was always going to be Lexa.

On what felt like her five hundredth time pacing back and forth she heard the knock. Without a second thought of who it would be she swung the door open, she knew her face betrayed her when it wasn't the blonde looking back at her.

Lexa saw the way her face changed and knew Raven wasn't expecting her at the door. She stood for a moment, considering turning around and leaving but didn't. "Can I come in with you?"

"I think I need- or should…I think I should leave." The words were out if her mouth before she even had time think. They spilled out and she hadn't even thought of them before she said them.

"Leave? What do you mean?" Lexa would have been lying if she said her face didn't convey her feelings when the words hit her.

"Arkadia." After a few beats, Raven brought her eyes up to see everything Lexa was showing and even what she was trying to hide. "Maybe it's the best option right now. You keep saying one thing and then doing…or acting or just _something_ different."

"Please, hear me out one last time. One last chance...I need you here Raven. With _me_." Lexa could feel the fear she was trying to push down creeping up inside her.

"No. I can't do this again Lexa. You obviously can't handle this and I can't keep falling asleep to promises that you're okay and waking up to more promises that we’re okay and then find you trying to slice Anya's head off! I can't watch this anymore!"

"That's why I want to talk to you. About all this. About my actions. Once and for all." Lexa didn't want to let her walk away, but at the same time she was ready to walk away herself, not from anger, but from every other emotion swirling inside her.

Raven moved back into the small space making room for Lexa to enter if she still wanted to. She settled up on the stool next to one of the benches and waited. She didn't _want_ to leave but she wasn't sure she could stay and be near Clarke once Lexa changed her mind and Raven was sure that was going to happen. She just couldn't bear it.

Lexa stepped inside and shut the door, standing across from the girl and wringing her hands. "I haven't been fair to you about all this. I've been putting myself before you and that's not fair at all."

As Raven sat there listening to Lexa talk and watching body language she felt the gnawing feeling return in the pit of her stomach. "Stop." She didn't yell it but it wasn't exactly soft either. The anger she had felt earlier was starting to flare up again. She slid off the chair and stepped around the girl to the door, opening it. "Whatever it is you have to say…I don't want to hear it right now."

"Raven..." Lexa didn't move, only watched the girl at the open door.

"I won't leave, or at least I won't go without letting you know." She held the door open and stood to the side. "I know that this hurts you, I know that…but that doesn't mean you get to hurt everyone around you because of it."

Lexa stood shocked, listening to every word. She couldn't move from the spot. She had come to apologize and now this? Her voice was shaky as she tried to speak again. "I'm sorry..."

Raven tried to look Lexa in the eyes as she stood there leaning against the edge of the opened door. She took a deep breath and gave up, looking just off to the side of the girl. "I think there's someone else you should go say that to."

"No, Raven, I should be saying it to you." Lexa swallowed down the fear and emotion building up inside her and took a step toward the girl. "I have not been fair to you in all of this. I only want you to be happy, and instead I have been the one causing you stress. I wanted to ask for one more chance from you, though at this point I no longer deserve it. If you feel the need the leave, to think things over, though I wish for you to stay here...I won't stop you from leaving. I just want you to be happy." Lexa looked down and out the open door, waiting to see if Raven would respond or if she should just leave instead.

Raven's shoulders started to slump the longer Lexa spoke. She had asked Lexa to leave it for the moment. To give her a moment to breathe and she fact that she couldn't even give her that at this point stung more than she wanted it to. "I'm not sure happy means the same thing here." Raven moved out of the workspace, eyes downcast and her mind working in overdrive as she headed towards the tower.

Lexa stood, eyes stuck on the same spot. She couldn't tell exactly what she was feeling as it was too much of a mix of emotions. She knew it would be best to give Raven space at the moment, pending her departure from Polis. Lexa had just told her that she would let the girl leave, but why did it have to hurt this much?

~

Raven found herself exiting the elevator and moving down the hall before she started to snap out of her mental haze. She swung the door open a little harder than intended and flinched when it hit the wall then bounced back just missing her as it closed. Raven had planned on gathering a few things from Lexa's room and heading back down to the rover so she could head back to Arkadia, then her eyes landed on Clarke. "Clarke…What are you- Why are you here?"

Clarke looked up as she filed the last of the papers back on the table. She hasn't expected Raven to be up here this early, never mind at all. "I talked with Lexa and then told her I'd clean up the mess in here. Did she see you already?" The blonde put the papers down and walked over to meet the brunette at the door.

Raven felt her insides start to boil. "Don't do that! Don't clean up _her_ mess, Clarke." Raven wanted to scream and break everything in sight but she knew it wouldn't make anything easier or better. She would always _want_ Clarke but she would always _choose_ Lexa.

As Clarke moved closer to her, Raven stepped forward and crashed her lips down on the blonde's hard enough to move them both back a few feet. She brought her hands up to sides of Clarke's face and waited for her to return the kiss.

Clarke didn't return it at first, only sat in shock, but then eventually melted into it. Her arm snaked around the girl's waist and pulled her closer, letting the brunette control the rest of the kiss. She could feel the tension and stress in each kiss and wanted desperately to pull it away from her and ease all of it.

"Clarke…" Raven breathed out between soft kisses, between tracing her tongue along Clarke's lower lip. The way she was being pulled in closer was both calming her and creating a storm that raged throughout her entire body. Once she was able to pull her face away she waited for Clarke to open her eyes before she spoke. "Can you go down to your room? I'll be down on a few…okay?"

The sudden stop had surprised Clarke, but she agreed to what Raven had asked. "Okay...hurry please." It took a minute for her brain to actually communicate to her legs, but she eventually made her way to the door and into the hallway.

Raven had her brace unbuttoned and falling to the floor as quickly as she could once the door had closed behind Clarke. She moved over to her container that still sat along the wall and dug through until she found what she needed. Raven had her pants undone and was pushing them down while trying to stay on her feet and walk across the room to the table next to the bed. She reached for the harness and took it apart then reattached a smaller dildo to it. If she was going to end up losing Clarke there was no way she wasn't going to do this at least once.

A few minutes later she knocked once on Clarke's door before opening the door and walking in. She closed and locked the door behind her, not leaving anything up to chance after the last time. As soon as her eyes landed on the blonde, Raven felt her mouth go dry and her fingers tingle with the need to be touching Clarke.

"Did you do what you needed to?" Clarke swallowed, her eyes raking over the brunette's body. Those minutes had felt like an eternity and Clarke's brain had practically melted from the kisses upstairs. She needed Raven down here, needed her hands on the girl's body, her mouth on her's. Clarke knew she needed her now and even now wasn't fast enough for her.

"What? Oh- yeah…yeah, I did." Raven shifted from one foot to the other before she remembered she wasn't wearing her brace. She opted to leave it off in hopes that she would only have been taking it off again and soon. Besides her minor limp, she was also walking with a wider gait from not being used to wearing the harness under her pants. Raven stood within kissing distance of the blonde. She just stood and let her eyes roam over every inch of her face, down her neck to her chest and further down. She reached for Clarke's hand and brushed it against the bulge in her and waited a beat before saying anything. "Is that okay?"

Clarke didn't register at first what was happening, but then she felt the bulge against her hand. That, and the fact Raven wasn't wearing her brace...she looked up into her eyes. "Oh...uh, yeah...yeah that's fine." Words weren't enough for Clarke as she leaned forward and recaptured the brunette's lips with her own.

Raven toyed with the hem of Clarke's shirt, lifting it high enough so her fingers could grip at the heated skin beneath. "Are you sure?" She managed between kisses. "We don't- _you_ don't have to. I just thought you might and you've talked about it in the past."

"Raven, I want this...I want _you_." Clarke tugged her own shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the side before crashing her lip back onto Raven's.

Raven's hands slid up Clarke's sides as if they had a mind of their own. The tips of her fingers grazed the flesh just under her bra, thumbs coming into contact with the thin material. Raven was positive if the appendage she was wearing was real it would have been rock hard and straining to be set free from her pants. "If you change your mind…" The words came out muffled and a little rushed. Raven knew Clarke's bed was to the right of where they were standing but didn't know exactly where as she shuffled them backwards until her legs hit the bed making her fall back on her ass.

"If I change my mind, please make sure my mother checks my head for me next time I see her." Clarke pushed Raven so she was laying down on the bed and climbed on top of her, her lips attaching to the brunette's neck, nipping and sucking at the skin.

"Let's not mention Abby while you're sitting on me topless and- _Christ,_ _Clarke_ and doing that with your mouth, okay?" Raven reached down, with both hands on Clarke's hips and held her so she'd feel the bulge against her still covered center.

Clarke nodded against Raven's skin, hungry for the taste of it on her tongue again. She traced patterns down her neck and collarbone, growling when she reached the collar of her shirt and tugging the girl up into a sitting position to lift the fabric over her head. Clarke ground her hips down onto the bulge, moaning slightly and rubbing against it, trying to find some friction to help the growing wetness between her legs.

Raven shot one arm back to keep her in the upright sitting position, the other hand still gripping at the blonde’s hip. A few whimpers and groans rattled around in Raven's chest and the way Clarke was moving already had her aching. "Clarke…slow down."

"Slow down? Why slow down? I _need_ you Raven." Clarke sat up straighter, looking into the brown eyes.

"Why don't you let _me_ set the pace and you can _need_ me just a little bit slower…" Raven held the blue eyes as she spoke, not looking away once. Her hands found the clasp of Clarke's bra and unhooked it, letting it fall down her arms. Without breaking eye contact she parted her lips and wrapped around a nipple, tongue swirling as it hardened.

" _Fuck_ Raven..." Clarke let out a moan as she felt the tongue circling around her hardened peak. She arched her chest forward into Raven's mouth. "If you wanted slow maybe you shouldn't have kissed me that hard upstairs and gotten me so damn _wet_ already."

Raven lets Clarke's nipple go with a soft pop and leaned back just enough to roll them. She kicked her boots off then settled heavily between Clarke's legs making sure to grind slow and steady. "How wet are you now?" Raven has taken hold of Clarke's wrists and pinned them down above her head as she continued to grind knowing exactly where the dildo was pressing.

"Very... _fuck_ even more so if you keep doing that." Clarke let her head roll back against the pillows with a moan, her own hips grinding in rhythm with Raven's.

"So we agree this is a good pace?" Raven snapped her hips forward, not too hard but enough to punctuate her words. "I don't want to just _fuck_ you, Clarke."

"Then what do you want Raven? To tease me until I'm whimpering and pleading? To just grind against me for however long you'd like?" Clarke looked up at her, blue eyes completely blown out by the pupils.

Raven let go of Clarke's wrists and pushed herself back and up into a kneeling position between the blonde's legs. "I'm not gonna tease you, I just _really_ don't want to fuck you. Not the first time like this." Raven tried to stress certain words so she didn't have to say others. She kept her voice low, softer than usual, a little more emotional.

"Raven, what do you mean? What's wrong?" Clarke sat up on her elbows and glanced up at the girl, questioning her request.

Raven reached down to unbutton and slide down the zipper of Clarke's pants. Her heart was pounding and her body was shaking and she wasn't sure she would be able to hold back the tears as she spoke at that moment. Instead, she stood from the bed pulling Clarke's boots from her feet. She hooked her fingers in her pants and pulled them down along with her underwear and tossing them to the side. Raven's eyes roamed the length of the blonde's names body, the sight causing her to work a little faster at undoing her own button and zipper.

"Raven is everything alright?" Clarke sat up and turned toward the girl, worry apparent in her eyes.

"Yeah…yeah." Raven nodded a few times, her eyes darting between Clarke's eyes, lips and chest. "It's just…you with me. Like this- it's you…" Raven pushed her pants down letting them fall to her ankles as she stepped out of them and for a moment she completely forgot she was wearing the harness and its hardened member.

It took Clarke a moment to realize exactly what Raven was trying to say, but once she realized, she instantly relaxed back, her eyes and face softening. "It's us..." Clarke's eyes scanned over the girl, from head to toe, only pausing at the harness for a moment. "Us."

"Us..." Raven repeated even though the word felt like poison on her tongue. "Slide down…so you're on the edge." With one hand wrapped around the dick, Raven dropped down to her knees. She was still somewhat positioned between Clarke's legs as she waited for her to move.

Clarke slid to the edge of the bed and gazed down at the girl, face now mere inches from where Clarke needed it to be. She bit her lip, meeting the girl's eyes and nodding slightly, waiting for her to move.

The scent hit Raven like a brick and she couldn't hold back the moan as she inches her way forward. Her hands started at Clarke's ankles and skimmed their way up to knees where Raven pushed them even further apart. She leaned in the last little bit and dragged her tongue from the dripping entrance all the way up through her folds. She swirled her tongue around the reddened and protruding bud then retraced her path back down.

Clarke moaned and relaxed into the bed, finally having Raven right where she had been craving her this whole time. One hand reached down and threaded its fingers into the brown locks, tugging slightly and pulling her closer.

After licking from Clarke's drenched core up to her clit a few times Raven focused on the bud, wrapping her lips around it. She pulled it into her mouth and let her tongue tease the tip. At the same time, Raven brought two fingers to Clarke's entrance and slowly slid them in. She pushed into the knuckle then pulled out and repeated the process over and over until she started to feel Clarke clenching down.

"Fuck Raven...keep it going..." Clarke moaned, arching up off the bed. The fingers inside her, clenching around them, along with the gentle laps of Raven's tongue were slowly pushing her over the edge.

Raven slipped in a third finger, making sure she stretched Clarke enough. She released the reddened peak turning her head to kiss and nip at her inner thighs. Raven pulled her fingers out of Clarke, lifted her legs over her shoulder and pulled her clit back into her mouth sucking hard.

"Raven please...I'm so close." Clarke was pleading at that point as she clenched around nothing. The absence of Raven's fingers made her whimper but the attention to her clit made up for it.

Raven continued to suckle the girl's clit, pulling it gently between her top teeth and tongue. Her hands came up around Clarke's hips, one holding her down the other snaking up her body to grab a handful of the girl’s breast.

Each sensation caused Clarke to arch up off the bed as she moaned. She could feel the orgasm ripple through her as she reached down and grabbed the base of Raven's ponytail, tugging on it hard before switching to pulling her face in closer. Clarke ground herself onto Raven's face, trying to keep the orgasm going.

Raven let out a hiss from the tight grip Clarke had in her hair. She slowed her licking, working her through her first orgasm. Raven pulled back and took a few deep breaths, she slowly pushed herself up from her knees so she was stood between Clarke's legs before she leaned forward on her hands to look down at the girl. "Move back up the bed…"

It took Clarke a moment to register the words in her post-orgasmic haze, but she eventually slid back up to where she was directly underneath the girl. One hand traced along one of Raven's arms, from her fingers and up her wrist, all the way up to behind her neck where Clarke was able to pull her down slightly and kiss her. Her tongue darted out over the brunette's lips, getting a taste of herself there as well.

"Are you ready?" Raven asked as she crawled up the bed with Clarke. She kept her body up off of Clarke's, hovering above her even when she was pulling down into the kiss. Raven kept her hips as still as she could but the anticipation had her groaning into Clarke's mouth.

Clarke nodded, reconnecting their lips once more. She needed to taste Raven against her to keep everything real in her head. Her hands ran over the skin, feeling the heat radiate off her skin, but she felt as if she was dreaming. Her nails lightly scraped over the skin at the nape of her neck as she anticipated the first thrust in.

Shifting all of her weight to one arm, Raven let herself melt into Clarke's touch and the way their bodies lined up almost perfectly. Reaching down between them Raven took hold of the base of the dildo. She ran up through Clarke's folds gathering up some of her juices then lined it up with her entrance. Raven stared down into nearly black blown wide eyes as her hips pressed forward until she was buried inside Clarke's core.

Clarke finally let out the breath she had been holding when she felt the entire dildo sheathed inside her. She had been with guys before, but something about this made it felt more connected than the others had. She wrapped one leg around the girl's hip, pulling her in slightly more, evoking a moan from her chest. Her hand slid up from its position on Raven's neck and into her hair, gently tugging at the locks.

Raven started up an easy pace, rocking into Clarke and feeling the base of the harness grazing over her clit. For the most part, she was able to ignore it but a few times she had to move or shift to ease the pressure. After a few minutes she increased her speed and thrusts, watching Clarke's face for any signs of discomfort. "I've wanted you like this for so long...I'm still not even sure if this is really happening."

"This can't be a dream. If it is I'm never waking up." Clarke arched up off the bed, her body pressed against Raven's, free hand roaming the skin as her other guided Raven's head down for another kiss. She began to grind her hips along with the thrusts, the harness rubbing against her clit as well.

" _Fuck_ …" Raven pulled her lips away, letting her forehead drop down against Clarke's. The familiar twist in the pit of her belly had her slowing her hips, easing her strokes. "Wait…wait- hold on…" Raven didn't stop bit she slowed just enough to keep her own orgasm at bay. There was no way she was going to let herself cum before Clarke. The hand she reached between them to pinch and roll the girl’s clit would hopefully ensure that.

Clarke gasped as she felt the pinch send her flying over the edge. She shuddered, body arching off the bed again as she tugged at Raven's hair and cried out.

Raven pulled her hand out from between them and picked the pace of her thrusts back up. Between the way Clarke moved beneath her and the friction it caused, Raven was tumbling over the edge and burying her face in Clarke's neck. She kept her thrusts going, increasing her speed and pumping just a little harder.

"Harder Raven...please..." The pleading whimpers whispered into the side of Raven's head and the nails scratching angry red welts down her back were only some of the clues implying Clarke was nearing her next release. She wrapped her legs around the girl's waist, giving her a new angle to thrust into.

Raven pressed open mouthed kisses over every bit of skin her lips could reach, from Clarke's neck to her collarbone, across her jawline and to her lips. She adjusted her hips just enough so when she started to thrust harder into Clarke the harness wasn't rubbing against her own clit anymore. Raven's mind was so foggy from her own orgasm and the feeling of Clarke's nails down her back that she hardly realized just how hard she'd been slamming into her.

Clarke's whimpers were pure pleasure at this point, even if every thrust bruised a different spot inside of her. She brought one hand up to press Raven's mouth harder into the skin but ended up just grabbing the girl's ponytail and tugging on it as her head rolled back onto the bed.

Raven bit and sucked marks into Clarke's neck but slowed her hips down. The way Clarke gripped and held on to her hair had her moaning nearly as loud as the blonde but it also pulled her from her fog. "Unwrap your legs Clarke…too tight..."

Slowly Clarke unwrapped her legs, groaning at the slower pace. "Raven, please...." Her free hand was still clawing at the skin, trying to urge the girl to go faster.

"I want you to _feel_ me, Clarke..." Raven held herself up so she could look down at her, wanting to see those blue eyes that made her insides melt. "Open your eyes for me, I wanna see you." Raven snapped her hips forward a little harder than she had been.

"Fuck..." Clarke slowly opened her eyes and gazed up at the girl, eyes staring into the ones above her. One hand reached up from where it had fallen back on the bed and gently massaged the girl's breast, lightly pinching at the nipple.

Raven felt the tightening in the pit of her stomach again as Clarke's fingers worked over her nipple and the last hard thrusts had shifted the harness back down just enough to start building her back up. It wasn't long before she was pumping harder and deeper once she hooked one of Clarke's legs over her shoulder. Somewhere in the back of her mind Raven knew this was a little more than Clarke was probably used to but she needed to make her cum until they were both exhausted.

Clarke was mostly a steady stream of moans now, with an occasional arch off the bed. When Raven had moved her leg up onto her shoulder, Clarke nearly had to bite down on her arm to keep from crying out. The new angle hit every spot inside her just perfectly as she felt Raven thrust in harder each time. The sensations soon had her crying out and tumbling over the edge yet again, her hips bucking with each thrust.

Raven was practically gasping for every bit of oxygen she could pull into her lungs when her second orgasm slammed into her right after Clarke fell again and her leg slid back down to the bed. Her hips slowed and their bodies were so sweat soaking and slicked that when she leaned forward she dropped her full weight down onto the blonde and stayed there.

Clarke was in a similar situation, gasping for air under the girl. Her eyes were shut tight as she brought herself down from the high, eventually reaching up and wrapping an arm around the girl. "That..." Clarke could barely get words out as she tried to regain her breath.

"Give me a minute…or two." Raven's face was shoved into the crook of Clarke's neck making her words come out muffled. Her hips had come to a complete stop and her arms were stretched out down the length of their bodies.

"I need a lot more than a minute." Clarke chuckled slightly, turning her head to bury her nose in the girl's hair. Unlike before, Clarke's hand was now gently running down Raven's back, tracing the curves of the muscles as she breathed in her scent.

Raven pressed soft kisses into the tight space between Clarke's shoulder and head. She nipped lightly, sucked a few more marks into her salty skin and nibbled her ear. After another few minutes of easy silence and the soft glide of Clarke's fingers up and down her back, Raven shifted downwards letting the dildo slip from the heated core. She really wanted to go for another hour. Another two and even as tired as she was and as much as her body hurt she would have kept going if Clarke asked.

"All done?" Clarke looked down at her, watching the girl shift down the bed. Her hand slid up Raven's back and neck, stopping right at the nape and toying with the little hairs there.

"Not if you want more…" There were a few things that made Raven weak, a few places to touch her that weren't solely sexual. Clarke was currently touching one and it had Raven shivering and breathing heavily.

"I always want more with you, but I need to be able to walk tomorrow." Clarke smiled slightly and moved her hand to wrap her arm around the girl's back. "For now I just want to lay here. With you.

"No no…don't stop what you were doing.." Raven had been slowly sliding off to the side to lay next to Clarke and the way she was playing with those little hairs felt like heaven. She laid her head on Clarke's chest, her arm draped across her body just under her chest.

Clarke moved her hand back and began playing with the hair again. "I know you probably won't wanna talk about this now..."

Raven tensed up with every word that Clarke said. She knew what the questions would be, what Clarke wants to know but she couldn't. Raven couldn't bear the thought of Clarke knowing that this would probably be their first and last time like this. Sliding her hand down soft smooth skin, Raven dragged her fingers through Clarke's folds. "About how you're still soaked?"

"Raven..." Clarke tried to be serious but a small moan escaped her mouth. She cleared her throat, looking over at the girl. "Did you work things out with Lexa?"

"Clarke..." Raven took a deep breath to steady her racing heart. She took another to make sure her voice didn't shake when she spoke. "Do you really want to talk about…about Lexa while we're laying her naked, after what we just did?"

"I want to make sure everything is okay, but that can wait until later. Right now I want you instead." Clarke pulled the girl closer to her, wanting to press every inch of skin against hers at the moment. She rolled onto her side, one leg slung over Raven's hip, the dildo brushing through her folds again.

"I like the sound of that. It's a good plan..." Raven rocked her hips back and forth. The head of the dildo sliding through Clarke's folds and bumping into her clit. She placed one hand on the blonde's hip and helped guide her. She wanted to push right back into her center but let Clarke decide what she wanted and how.

"Fuck...again? How are you not exhausted?" Clarke's eyelids fluttered closed as she let out a soft moan. She let Raven guide her hips as she pulled the girl's head in for another soft kiss.

"Can you…" She cut her own words off to deepen the kiss. Raven happily let Clarke control their kiss, moaning into it and gripping her thigh to bring it up higher in her own hip.

Eventually, Clarke broke off the kiss, gasping for air as her hand tugged at Raven's wrist. "Can I what?"

"What..? Oh, again. Can you go again?" Raven was already aching and her mind a hazy mess.

"Maybe one more if you don't go as hard...you might split me in half." Clarke attached her lips to the girl's neck, nipping hard at the skin to bring her focus back to the real world. "I already know walking will be a challenge tomorrow."

" _I_ wasn't the one begging me to go harder…" Raven rolled flat into her back pulling Clarke on top of her. The sight before her had Raven biting down hard on her bottom lip and groaning. Clarke straddling her was a sight to behold but adding the sex messed hair and hardening nipples and Raven was quickly losing her self-control. "Ride me."

"It felt great at the time, but afterward...it still felt pretty good." Clarke smirked as she placed both palms on Raven's stomach before lining herself up and slowly sinking down onto the dildo. She moaned and brought one hand up to toy with one of the stiff peaks as she slowly raised herself up off of the member and sunk back down.

Raven brought her hands down to rest at Clarke's hips. She gripped and kneaded the soft flesh, nails digging in every so often. Every move on top of her had the harness nudging her clit again and it didn't take long before she felt the familiar twist low in her stomach.

Clarke slowly picked up speed, both hands returning to Raven's stomach to steady herself as she bounced. A few moans came from her mouth ever so often. Once she felt the build-up start in her core, Clarke brought her hands back to Raven's thighs, changing the angle of each thrust. She would also grind her hips down every time she sank onto the member, trying to get some friction on her clit.

"Shit…just like that…" Leaning up on one elbow, Raven felt the build-up between her legs as she was clenching around nothing. The way Clarke was riding and dropping down, taking the dick and rocking, Raven wasn't sure if she could hold back that much longer. She brought one hand up Clarke's chest, toying and rolling the hard nub, switching to the other, Raven sat up more. Her mouth covered the nipple and she sucked it, flicking it with her tongue.

"God Raven..." Clarke let her head drop back as she let out a louder moan. She shuddered before fireworks began exploding on the backs of her eyelids as she clenched tightly around the dildo and fell over the edge. Her fingers dug into the skin of Raven’s thighs as she struggled to keep herself upright.

Raven buried her face between Clarke's breasts when she felt the girl's movements become erratic. Her own orgasm finally hit leaving her a whimpering mess but she was able to hold Clarke in place. Raven's body shuddered with every sound that fell from Clarke's mouth, every drop of juice she felt splashing down on her. Her arms snaked around the girl's body and she just held her, she took in deep breaths and held on tighter than she'd ever done before.

Clarke was glad Raven was holding onto her so tightly because she probably would have slumped over once the orgasm subsided. Instead, she slumped against the girl, head hanging over her's and hands releasing their grip on the girl's thighs. She took a few moments remembering how to breathe before nudging Raven slightly to have them both lay down.

"That was..." Raven didn't know what she was saying, what she _wanted_ to say. Her back hit the bed and she still had a hold around Clarke's waist but she wanted to pull the harness off. Her hips ached and her body was fatigued but she would have done it again. She _wanted_ to do it until the sun faded away then returned. "Before I want to start that up again…I have to take this off."

Clarke only grunted and rolled off of her, curling on her side next to the girl. Her eyes were already closed but she wasn't asleep yet, just waiting for Raven to curl in behind her.

Without leaving the bed, Raven shimmied the harness down her legs and let it drop over the edge. With the little strength she had, Raven rolled onto her side next to the blonde. She places kisses on her hip, over the small of her back and up her spine. "I love you." She said it once when she reached the middle of Clarke's back. " _I love you._ " She breathed out again as she settled behind her, arm pulling her in tight, bodies pressed together.

"Mm...love you too..." Clarke's mind was still foggy from the previous orgasm but she knew she could respond. She managed to get the words out before drifting off to sleep, her breathing finally evening off and her body relaxing into the bed.

Raven laid there with guilt tearing her up. She laid there and held Clarke and hated what she was about to do. When she was sure Clarke was deeply asleep Raven peeled her body away and stood from the bed. Every inch of her body either ached from what they had done or ached from what she was about to do. With her clothing back on and boots in hand, Raven looked back once more before opening the door and leaving without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: It's been a long time since we've updated. Yes, we know that. There's a few little things called life, school, and work that got in the way so we're doing our best. We are DEFINITELY not abandoning this work.
> 
> Also, all hate can be directed at FindingSide ( @hope-breeds on Tumblr) for whatever pain the last lines caused you.


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